Alhamdulillah! All praises to the Great Omnipotent One, who surpasses time and power, wealth and desire, knowledge and truth!
I am beginning to understand the hidden path beneath my feet in which Allah has set upon for me to plunder my way through the relentless pursuit to Him.
The journey will be long and tiring, and as I hugged my mum, tears welled up, only a spoken truth that was whispered into my ear.
"Oh Allah, grant my son the ease of his burden in his quest for your Love. Grant my son the best of paths in his quest to walk on your Siratul Mustaqim. Grant my son the peace of mind, the strength of tranquility, in his journey to gain knowledge and wisdom, and your Love. And grant all of us a place in Paradise. Amin."
It is in this doa that made me strong. It is in this doa, that I understand and embrace the one fact of life, so important, so highly regarded, until it is mentioned in the Quran so many times.
"The key to Paradise is beneath the feet of your beloved mother."
It is in this makbul doa, that I understand the power of tawaqal. And indeed, Allah has shown His Sight of the Unknown.
I spoke to her. I told her, that I'll make everyone proud. I'll be a hasanah to this family, and the generations beneath me. I'll be a good role model to my brothers, to my cousins, to my children, and my children's children.
So right now, I have a wonderful 6 months to self-reflect. To reposess the spirit to learn. To serve the purpose that was given to me.
Rahmatil lil a'lamin.
"the mercy to all worlds."
Perhaps, even before I step into the realm of Palestine, I should begin my tiny baby steps by focusing on the understanding of knowledge in my society first.
So I am now extending my arms and plead to all. Who shares the same vision as how I envisioned this world to be?
Who shares the same purpose as how I deemed myself to be?
Who shares the same love and compassion as how I am starting to be?
Who shares the same spirit of desire to spread love and knowledge to all worlds as how I am dwelling in to be?
Who shares the same sorrow as how I am facing now?
Who shares the same burden as how I am beginning to feel the weight of the world on my feeble shoulders?
If it is you..
Then I will sincerely say, that you are as special as I am. And because of that, I love you.
Allah huma anna!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
A Masterplan
God has a Masterplan for all of us- be it the living small minuscule ant crawling on the wall, or the huge mountain standing still for thousands of years.
Like how he has a Masterplan for me to be almost late, and test me if I remember Him. I woke up late yesterday, with only 10 min to:
1) clean my room (which I failed to do every day haha)
2) bathe
3) pack my meal for lunch (heng ader mak tolong)
4) iron my working clothes (heng ader mak tolong)
5) dressed up (heng baju dah tergantung)
6) eat breakfast (heng ader mak tolong)
I am totally useless haha!
But I manage to keep it all before 15 min, and tried walking as fast as I could. However, as I was walking, I noticed the sky moving so slow and steady. What ran into my mind was an immediate appreciation of the presence of the Divine, and I prayed to God to help me. And if He were to make me late, then it is ok cause ultimately it was my fault. (however I choose to blame my alarm clock. But no worries now, I have a new one hehe)
And suddenly I walked slowly. And steadily.
At 8.55am sharp, when I just reached the bus stop, the 190 bus came. Alhamdulillah.
There wasn't a traffic jam. Alhamdulillah.
I reached work at 9.20am. Alhamdulillah.
And surely, I was blind. Blinded by His overwhelming power to dictate the course/movement of the universe.
Moral of the story?
Submission to the absolute power of the Omnipotent one, followed by ikhtiar, and then tawaqal. From tawaqal, we redha. And then only we have a peace of mind, knowing that we are in His grace. :)
PS: blushing while laughing is the most cutest attribute a person can ever have :D (this song is for you, kan sedap kan? haha! zaman kekentalan dulu)
oh ya, for my brother samir. This one is for you.
Have you ever wondered?
Why must we serve..
Because we love our land..
And we want it to be free, to be free... YAH!!!
I love those army days... brings back all the memories..
How the seargant f*** me up so hard I almost cried in anguish. How we had to tahan the 8km fast march while fasting..
How we were pumped all the time, even when we are almost booking out...
Can't wait for the next ICT. I am sure I'd enjoy it. But not the carry-the-equipment part la hehe.
Baik CPL Samir. Hehe. Now give me twenty. :p
Like how he has a Masterplan for me to be almost late, and test me if I remember Him. I woke up late yesterday, with only 10 min to:
1) clean my room (which I failed to do every day haha)
2) bathe
3) pack my meal for lunch (heng ader mak tolong)
4) iron my working clothes (heng ader mak tolong)
5) dressed up (heng baju dah tergantung)
6) eat breakfast (heng ader mak tolong)
I am totally useless haha!
But I manage to keep it all before 15 min, and tried walking as fast as I could. However, as I was walking, I noticed the sky moving so slow and steady. What ran into my mind was an immediate appreciation of the presence of the Divine, and I prayed to God to help me. And if He were to make me late, then it is ok cause ultimately it was my fault. (however I choose to blame my alarm clock. But no worries now, I have a new one hehe)
And suddenly I walked slowly. And steadily.
At 8.55am sharp, when I just reached the bus stop, the 190 bus came. Alhamdulillah.
There wasn't a traffic jam. Alhamdulillah.
I reached work at 9.20am. Alhamdulillah.
And surely, I was blind. Blinded by His overwhelming power to dictate the course/movement of the universe.
Moral of the story?
Submission to the absolute power of the Omnipotent one, followed by ikhtiar, and then tawaqal. From tawaqal, we redha. And then only we have a peace of mind, knowing that we are in His grace. :)
PS: blushing while laughing is the most cutest attribute a person can ever have :D (this song is for you, kan sedap kan? haha! zaman kekentalan dulu)
oh ya, for my brother samir. This one is for you.
Have you ever wondered?
Why must we serve..
Because we love our land..
And we want it to be free, to be free... YAH!!!
I love those army days... brings back all the memories..
How the seargant f*** me up so hard I almost cried in anguish. How we had to tahan the 8km fast march while fasting..
How we were pumped all the time, even when we are almost booking out...
Can't wait for the next ICT. I am sure I'd enjoy it. But not the carry-the-equipment part la hehe.
Baik CPL Samir. Hehe. Now give me twenty. :p
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
My Personal Thoughts on the topic 'Longing for the Divine' by Sheikh Hisham Kabbani
I attended the 'Longing for the Divine' seminar hosted by the Naqshbandi-Haqqani Sufi Order, with speaker the wise and gracious Sheikh Hisham Kabbani, chairman of the Islamic Supreme Council of America and the Sufi Muslim Council, and also a disciple of more than 50 years under Sheikh Nazim Al-Qubrusi, Leader of the Naqshbandi-Haqqani Sufi Order. Here is a brief insight into the concepts of what defines to him as 'Longing for the Divine'.
To begin, I would like to share a wonderful poem by Jalaluddin Al-Rumi, famous mystician, sufi, and poet.
I died as a mineral and became a plant,
I died as plant and rose to animal,
I died as animal and I was Man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
Yet once more I shall die as Man, to soar
With angels bless'd; but even from angelhood
I must pass on: all except God doth perish.
When I have sacrificed my angel-soul,
I shall become what no mind e'er conceived.
Oh, let me not exist!
for Non-existence Proclaims in organ tones,
To Him we shall return.
This poem showed the true purpose of a human being, born into this disillusioned world of fear, pain, and perhaps, lies.
To search for Allah, the Omnipotent One, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful. God of all Gods. God of all Universe.
But do we long for him, or is it actually Him that longs for us?
According to Sheikh Hisham, it is Allah that longs for us. Allah makes it clear in Surah 50 Al Qaf, Verse 16 that: “It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than his jugular vein.” This verse illustrates and beautifully explains the position of our relationship and the closeness to our Creator and Him to us which must be realized for our guidance and transformation.
Allah gave us His beloved messengers, to reach out to us, to call us to remember Him, to Love Him. But does that make him dependant on our love? Certainly not.
“God created all things and He is the agent on which all things depend.” (Quran 39:62)
But do remember, that He creates all life, be it matter or non-matter, for a single purpose. To be known. In a Hadis Qudsi, Allah mentioned,
“Kuntu kanzan makhfiyya, fa aradtu an u’raf fa khalaqtu al-khalq" which means, "I am a treasure that is hidden. I seek to be found and thus I create."
Creation is fundamentally the consequence of the divine attribute of being the Creator. A creator who does not create is something of a contradiction in terms. This is not to say that God needs His creation. God is free from all needs. It is creation which needs Him. But, as the greatness of a writer becomes apparent in his writings, the perfection of the divine creative attribute is manifest in creation. Creation in the true sense is unique to God alone. Although humans ascribe the act of creation to themselves, what they do is not true creation. Humankind merely manipulates what already exists - what was already created by God.
And thus, Sheikh Hisham mentions, a few concepts or perhaps, structures, in which we all can achieve that one goal. To long for the divine, as how He longs for us.
The main process in which a human soul must take a paradigm shift to achieve that longing towards the divine would be the process of purification. It is then one can obtain the title 'insan kamil' or pure human. When a human soul possess that desire to change, to move, to illustrate, and perhaps, to soar, few concepts must be applied in order to sustain such flight.
In the Quran, Allah mentioned:
"Rabbana Atina fiddunya hasanataw wa fil Aakhirati hasanataw wa kin adhabannaar."
"Our Lord! Give us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and save us from the punishment of the fire."
Qur'an - Suratul Baqara 2:201
Sheikh Hisham's definition of hasanah, in which many would define it as 'mercy', 'saviour', 'goodness', is simply the Prophet himself, Rasulullah SAW. In the Quran, Allah mention:
"We have only sent you as a mercy to all the worlds." (Surat al-Anbiya': 107)
This word, mercy, can only be referred to our beloved Prophet SAW!! Masya'allah. And thus, it was even mentioned, in the quran, 33:56-
"Surely, Allah and His angels send blessings to the Prophet. O you who believe, do pray Allah to bless him, and send your Salam (prayer for his being in peace) to him in abundance."
Thus, the definition of hasanah is in fact the potrayal of obedience and love for our Mualim. It is in him, Muhammad pbuh, that we need to confer in order to gain that longing for Allah. It is in this certain unique man, this Habibullah, that we need to love in order to be loved by Allah. And thus, we need to salawat as much as we can. Show the akhlak as exemplified by the Prophet himself. Do volunteer work, and hold obedience to his teachings. He holds the key to Allah's grace.
Hasanah is actually the syafa'ah given by Allah through the Prophet Muhammad. It is thus, encouraged among us, to salawah as much as we can, so that in yaumul kiamah, on Allah's will, we are able to receive Muhammad's (pbuh) syafa'ah.
Sheikh Hisham mentioned about the ritualistic act of obedience to Allah that must be accompanied by the essence of sincerity. He related his idea with a example from the sirah of Rabiatul Adawiyah. After her husband died, she relentlessly prayed to Allah, gave up dunia in search of Allah's grace. It is in her total obedience that worried the ulamas at that time. This was because she is a widowed, and they urged her to be married, for security reasons. She affirmly declined, stating that she do not have time for marriages. Simply because she feels her istighfar is not enough. When asked why, she simply mentioned that her first istighfar is not sincere, so she istighfar again, and she then feels that her second istighfar is not as sincere as the first, and thus she istighfar again, and still she feels it is not sincere enough.
Therefore, sincerity must be the major factor in any rituals that we do in our daily lives, in order to achieve that longing for Allah.
Tasawuf is actually a derivation of the word, 'suf' meaning pure, or clear. Sheikh Hisham encourages us to learn to punish our hearts, and reflect ourselves infront of the mirror, on the things we have done, internally and externally. Self-reflection holds the power to soften our raging hearts, diminishing every flames of earthly desire. Henceforth, we need to educate our hearts, keep telling them not to rebel.
Concept of Conspire
This is an obstacle. According to Sheikh Hisham, one who conspire and backstabbing another ummah will be the biggest obstacle in the path towards Allah. He mentioned about how a man in yaumul kiamah, who was oppressed by another man. The opressed then complains to Allah, and thus Allah the Most Just took away the opressor's good deeds and gave to the opressed. Still, the opressed is not satisfied. Thus Allah took away his bad deeds and gave to the opressor. And Allah asked, is this enough? Are you satisfied? The opressed thus was satisfied. Allah ordered him to forgive the opressor. And after the opressed forgave that sinned man, Allah said, "Do you think that you are more merciful than I am? I forgive this sinned man, and put him in Paradise."
Masya'allah!
However, one must realised that if you do bad things to God, He is All Merciful and will forgive you, but if you do bad things to a fellow human, you must ask forgiveness from the person. And as the person's mercy is limited, thus it is important for all to consider the effects of Hablum minan nas. The relationship from man to man is thus, imperative in our journey.
A person from the crowd posed a question regarding the Sheikh's perspective on Jalaludin Al-rumi's theory of uplifiting.
Sheikh Hisham explained in terms of metaphysics.
In this world and more, everything is moving. From the largest celestial body, to the tiniest atom. Moving at a certain speed. Some constant. Others going faster. Others decelerating. But the question to ponder would be, where are we heading?
Movement, thus, is an attribute of a creation, drawing closer towards the Perfect One, Allah the Mighty. But then, another question would surface. How do we make ourselves, body and soul, all moving towards a unified path?
If we are able to do so, the amount of energy possessed by the person is a strong as an atom. The smaller, the faster the electrons circulating around an axis, the stronger the intermolecular forces of attraction. And since according to Newton, energy cannot be created, it can be converted, thus, this energy, constant as the Omnipotent, can be converted. As we make ourselves smaller, shedding our earthly desires, our mind, our flesh, and leaving nothing but Allah's existence, then our energy is directed to a unified path to the divine.
It is thus said, that a quiet humble man proves more powerful and mysterious, than a loud mouthed man.
It is imperative for us to accept that a creation's attribute is that, he is dependant on another creation. Sheikh Hisham mentioned that sustaining a healthy relationship between your parents, your neighbours, your family, your friends, and the ummah as a whole is another factor to gain divinity. By helping one another, smiling, donating, sharing, and more, we not only help our community to grow healthy, but also to educate our heart to have ikhsan. Ikhsan can be defined in many forms; through akhlak, amar makruf, nahi mungkar etc. It can be with just a smile. It can be by loving one another.
Sheikh Hisham stressed the importance of love. Love can be a simple word, but a person can also view it in a sophisticated way. And yet, although love come in many mannerisms, love is still love. It is in the understanding, feelings, communication, and then the actions that we do. A lot of people misunderstood this word. Many of them confers this to just feelings. But it is more. If a person loves another person because of feelings, than it is not love. But if a person loves another person on the basis of understanding the needs, the holistic character, the personality, the will, the knowledge, and the sincerity of the person, than it is more than love.
I remember embracing myself, with red eyes and wet cheeks, hoping to catch a glimpse of myself amidst the tyranny of my own monster. The notion in which the Sheikh shared to us, was simply God-send. Indeed, if you were to prepare it with a paper and a pen, it would be, as mentioned by the Sheikh, as the egoistical personality that would be talking. But if it was not prepared, perhaps, or maybe, it is the heart that speaks.
And indeed my heart was talking and communing. I find myself in peace. Having that knowledge of God as the One, and always depending on him, conferring to him for help and mercy, I am suddenly transported into a dimension whereby I feel I am me.
Sheikh Hisham mentioned about sacrifices. About how this longing does not come cheap. I wonder how much more must I sacrifice to attain this love.
But ultimately, alhamdulilah, I feel I am becoming a better man. May God bless us all, amin!
PS: Mun'ish was a success! (as how we logistic peeps would have seen it haha) cause i think we did our part very well, having all the things required. I would like to thank all for the support. And hope that the passion to serve to the community does not die out. Cuz I am certain mine won't. :) insya'allah!
And to my very best friend, Samir Syirazi. You went through all the ups and downs. And like a loyal soldier, you stood beside me despite my occasional 'sarjan-like' attitude that might have irritated you. Thank you my friend. I hope Allah put you in His Grace, and I hope when you're there in yaumul kiamah, trying to save 70 people to Paradise, please do not forget to save me. For I am certain I won't forget to save you. :)
To Nabila, for always giving me the positivity in this quest. I do not know why, but somehow or rather, I felt you were more stronger than me. It is not in the strength, but perhaps, your will in the path of sincerity that makes you one of the strongest female personnel I have ever witnessed. I hope this won't end here aite. :)
To my logistic team, Ahmad, Akmal and Fiqa, who stood beside me together as one, always willing to take the next step, and without fail, you have surprised me everytime with the achievements we did together as a team. We were like Santa Clause that day. Who says we lack teamwork???? :p rubbish!
To all the uncles and aunties that I have broken the amanah, I hope you peeps forgive me. Goodness, i still feel guilty for scraping alot of stuff. It was like, we gave you an economic hope, and then, we took it back. Of course you are all disappointed. So am I. So I hope you are all blessed.
To my Mun'ish representatives; Ustaz, Fad, Mai, Azmi, Awis, Amalina and many more. We were great. The collaboration was a success. See you in a few hours! I heard Amalina nak kasi kiter surprise. I tried to dig from her, tapi she is a really tough nut. Hahahaha! Nanti2, I kasi u Abg Ezra, confirm you blang kiter semuer hehe.
To my dearest mum and dad, who has continued to support me in this event. There were many issues that we did together as a family. I am very proud of all of us. May all of us be in His Blessings. And Happy Birthday Dad!!!!! :D
Now I can relax with my 'wife' or shud I say, my guitar. Hahahaha!
Next up, DANCING!!!!!! My adventure will never end. :p
To begin, I would like to share a wonderful poem by Jalaluddin Al-Rumi, famous mystician, sufi, and poet.
I died as a mineral and became a plant,
I died as plant and rose to animal,
I died as animal and I was Man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
Yet once more I shall die as Man, to soar
With angels bless'd; but even from angelhood
I must pass on: all except God doth perish.
When I have sacrificed my angel-soul,
I shall become what no mind e'er conceived.
Oh, let me not exist!
for Non-existence Proclaims in organ tones,
To Him we shall return.
This poem showed the true purpose of a human being, born into this disillusioned world of fear, pain, and perhaps, lies.
To search for Allah, the Omnipotent One, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful. God of all Gods. God of all Universe.
But do we long for him, or is it actually Him that longs for us?
According to Sheikh Hisham, it is Allah that longs for us. Allah makes it clear in Surah 50 Al Qaf, Verse 16 that: “It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than his jugular vein.” This verse illustrates and beautifully explains the position of our relationship and the closeness to our Creator and Him to us which must be realized for our guidance and transformation.
Allah gave us His beloved messengers, to reach out to us, to call us to remember Him, to Love Him. But does that make him dependant on our love? Certainly not.
“God created all things and He is the agent on which all things depend.” (Quran 39:62)
But do remember, that He creates all life, be it matter or non-matter, for a single purpose. To be known. In a Hadis Qudsi, Allah mentioned,
“Kuntu kanzan makhfiyya, fa aradtu an u’raf fa khalaqtu al-khalq" which means, "I am a treasure that is hidden. I seek to be found and thus I create."
Creation is fundamentally the consequence of the divine attribute of being the Creator. A creator who does not create is something of a contradiction in terms. This is not to say that God needs His creation. God is free from all needs. It is creation which needs Him. But, as the greatness of a writer becomes apparent in his writings, the perfection of the divine creative attribute is manifest in creation. Creation in the true sense is unique to God alone. Although humans ascribe the act of creation to themselves, what they do is not true creation. Humankind merely manipulates what already exists - what was already created by God.
And thus, Sheikh Hisham mentions, a few concepts or perhaps, structures, in which we all can achieve that one goal. To long for the divine, as how He longs for us.
The main process in which a human soul must take a paradigm shift to achieve that longing towards the divine would be the process of purification. It is then one can obtain the title 'insan kamil' or pure human. When a human soul possess that desire to change, to move, to illustrate, and perhaps, to soar, few concepts must be applied in order to sustain such flight.
Concept of Hasanah
In the Quran, Allah mentioned:
"Rabbana Atina fiddunya hasanataw wa fil Aakhirati hasanataw wa kin adhabannaar."
"Our Lord! Give us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and save us from the punishment of the fire."
Qur'an - Suratul Baqara 2:201
Sheikh Hisham's definition of hasanah, in which many would define it as 'mercy', 'saviour', 'goodness', is simply the Prophet himself, Rasulullah SAW. In the Quran, Allah mention:
"We have only sent you as a mercy to all the worlds." (Surat al-Anbiya': 107)
This word, mercy, can only be referred to our beloved Prophet SAW!! Masya'allah. And thus, it was even mentioned, in the quran, 33:56-
"Surely, Allah and His angels send blessings to the Prophet. O you who believe, do pray Allah to bless him, and send your Salam (prayer for his being in peace) to him in abundance."
Thus, the definition of hasanah is in fact the potrayal of obedience and love for our Mualim. It is in him, Muhammad pbuh, that we need to confer in order to gain that longing for Allah. It is in this certain unique man, this Habibullah, that we need to love in order to be loved by Allah. And thus, we need to salawat as much as we can. Show the akhlak as exemplified by the Prophet himself. Do volunteer work, and hold obedience to his teachings. He holds the key to Allah's grace.
Hasanah is actually the syafa'ah given by Allah through the Prophet Muhammad. It is thus, encouraged among us, to salawah as much as we can, so that in yaumul kiamah, on Allah's will, we are able to receive Muhammad's (pbuh) syafa'ah.
Concept of Ikhlas
Sheikh Hisham mentioned about the ritualistic act of obedience to Allah that must be accompanied by the essence of sincerity. He related his idea with a example from the sirah of Rabiatul Adawiyah. After her husband died, she relentlessly prayed to Allah, gave up dunia in search of Allah's grace. It is in her total obedience that worried the ulamas at that time. This was because she is a widowed, and they urged her to be married, for security reasons. She affirmly declined, stating that she do not have time for marriages. Simply because she feels her istighfar is not enough. When asked why, she simply mentioned that her first istighfar is not sincere, so she istighfar again, and she then feels that her second istighfar is not as sincere as the first, and thus she istighfar again, and still she feels it is not sincere enough.
Therefore, sincerity must be the major factor in any rituals that we do in our daily lives, in order to achieve that longing for Allah.
Concept of Reflection
Tasawuf is actually a derivation of the word, 'suf' meaning pure, or clear. Sheikh Hisham encourages us to learn to punish our hearts, and reflect ourselves infront of the mirror, on the things we have done, internally and externally. Self-reflection holds the power to soften our raging hearts, diminishing every flames of earthly desire. Henceforth, we need to educate our hearts, keep telling them not to rebel.
Concept of Conspire
This is an obstacle. According to Sheikh Hisham, one who conspire and backstabbing another ummah will be the biggest obstacle in the path towards Allah. He mentioned about how a man in yaumul kiamah, who was oppressed by another man. The opressed then complains to Allah, and thus Allah the Most Just took away the opressor's good deeds and gave to the opressed. Still, the opressed is not satisfied. Thus Allah took away his bad deeds and gave to the opressor. And Allah asked, is this enough? Are you satisfied? The opressed thus was satisfied. Allah ordered him to forgive the opressor. And after the opressed forgave that sinned man, Allah said, "Do you think that you are more merciful than I am? I forgive this sinned man, and put him in Paradise."
Masya'allah!
However, one must realised that if you do bad things to God, He is All Merciful and will forgive you, but if you do bad things to a fellow human, you must ask forgiveness from the person. And as the person's mercy is limited, thus it is important for all to consider the effects of Hablum minan nas. The relationship from man to man is thus, imperative in our journey.
Concept of Movement
A person from the crowd posed a question regarding the Sheikh's perspective on Jalaludin Al-rumi's theory of uplifiting.
Sheikh Hisham explained in terms of metaphysics.
In this world and more, everything is moving. From the largest celestial body, to the tiniest atom. Moving at a certain speed. Some constant. Others going faster. Others decelerating. But the question to ponder would be, where are we heading?
Movement, thus, is an attribute of a creation, drawing closer towards the Perfect One, Allah the Mighty. But then, another question would surface. How do we make ourselves, body and soul, all moving towards a unified path?
If we are able to do so, the amount of energy possessed by the person is a strong as an atom. The smaller, the faster the electrons circulating around an axis, the stronger the intermolecular forces of attraction. And since according to Newton, energy cannot be created, it can be converted, thus, this energy, constant as the Omnipotent, can be converted. As we make ourselves smaller, shedding our earthly desires, our mind, our flesh, and leaving nothing but Allah's existence, then our energy is directed to a unified path to the divine.
It is thus said, that a quiet humble man proves more powerful and mysterious, than a loud mouthed man.
Concept of Interaction
It is imperative for us to accept that a creation's attribute is that, he is dependant on another creation. Sheikh Hisham mentioned that sustaining a healthy relationship between your parents, your neighbours, your family, your friends, and the ummah as a whole is another factor to gain divinity. By helping one another, smiling, donating, sharing, and more, we not only help our community to grow healthy, but also to educate our heart to have ikhsan. Ikhsan can be defined in many forms; through akhlak, amar makruf, nahi mungkar etc. It can be with just a smile. It can be by loving one another.
Sheikh Hisham stressed the importance of love. Love can be a simple word, but a person can also view it in a sophisticated way. And yet, although love come in many mannerisms, love is still love. It is in the understanding, feelings, communication, and then the actions that we do. A lot of people misunderstood this word. Many of them confers this to just feelings. But it is more. If a person loves another person because of feelings, than it is not love. But if a person loves another person on the basis of understanding the needs, the holistic character, the personality, the will, the knowledge, and the sincerity of the person, than it is more than love.
My Personal Thoughts
I remember embracing myself, with red eyes and wet cheeks, hoping to catch a glimpse of myself amidst the tyranny of my own monster. The notion in which the Sheikh shared to us, was simply God-send. Indeed, if you were to prepare it with a paper and a pen, it would be, as mentioned by the Sheikh, as the egoistical personality that would be talking. But if it was not prepared, perhaps, or maybe, it is the heart that speaks.
And indeed my heart was talking and communing. I find myself in peace. Having that knowledge of God as the One, and always depending on him, conferring to him for help and mercy, I am suddenly transported into a dimension whereby I feel I am me.
Sheikh Hisham mentioned about sacrifices. About how this longing does not come cheap. I wonder how much more must I sacrifice to attain this love.
But ultimately, alhamdulilah, I feel I am becoming a better man. May God bless us all, amin!
PS: Mun'ish was a success! (as how we logistic peeps would have seen it haha) cause i think we did our part very well, having all the things required. I would like to thank all for the support. And hope that the passion to serve to the community does not die out. Cuz I am certain mine won't. :) insya'allah!
And to my very best friend, Samir Syirazi. You went through all the ups and downs. And like a loyal soldier, you stood beside me despite my occasional 'sarjan-like' attitude that might have irritated you. Thank you my friend. I hope Allah put you in His Grace, and I hope when you're there in yaumul kiamah, trying to save 70 people to Paradise, please do not forget to save me. For I am certain I won't forget to save you. :)
To Nabila, for always giving me the positivity in this quest. I do not know why, but somehow or rather, I felt you were more stronger than me. It is not in the strength, but perhaps, your will in the path of sincerity that makes you one of the strongest female personnel I have ever witnessed. I hope this won't end here aite. :)
To my logistic team, Ahmad, Akmal and Fiqa, who stood beside me together as one, always willing to take the next step, and without fail, you have surprised me everytime with the achievements we did together as a team. We were like Santa Clause that day. Who says we lack teamwork???? :p rubbish!
To all the uncles and aunties that I have broken the amanah, I hope you peeps forgive me. Goodness, i still feel guilty for scraping alot of stuff. It was like, we gave you an economic hope, and then, we took it back. Of course you are all disappointed. So am I. So I hope you are all blessed.
To my Mun'ish representatives; Ustaz, Fad, Mai, Azmi, Awis, Amalina and many more. We were great. The collaboration was a success. See you in a few hours! I heard Amalina nak kasi kiter surprise. I tried to dig from her, tapi she is a really tough nut. Hahahaha! Nanti2, I kasi u Abg Ezra, confirm you blang kiter semuer hehe.
To my dearest mum and dad, who has continued to support me in this event. There were many issues that we did together as a family. I am very proud of all of us. May all of us be in His Blessings. And Happy Birthday Dad!!!!! :D
Now I can relax with my 'wife' or shud I say, my guitar. Hahahaha!
Next up, DANCING!!!!!! My adventure will never end. :p
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
a question.
An excerpt from a novel yet to be published, "The Rose, the Angel, and Me."
I tried to place myself in a world without fear, without pain, and an alarming piece of jigsaw from a time without space nor gateway to relinquish the evil of men.
And as I sat in that dimension, eyes shut so tight, lips sealed like a kiss of death, I saw a green meadow with a garden of fresh fluer de liu, rasberries and morning dews. The trees were covered with Sundus of great mellow.
I opened my eyes and asked the Angel, who was staring at me with that alluring eyes of hers.
"Is it true that every men who yearns the pandora box of life must go through a path of solitude?"
The Angel, despite the unclear sky of doubt that was hovering above us, took my heart from that space and asked me," What does your heart says?"
I looked at the heart that was beating with a rythmn of relentless serenity. It was sparkling. I hold the beating heart close to my ear and asked, "What is the answer?"
The heart kept beating. There wasn't an answer.
Impatient, I asked the Angel again, "Is it true, that every.."
The Angel interrupted me with a smile.
"If you are not ready for an answer, then let it be. Just continue to close your eyes. And let it be. Just continue to walk. And let it be. Just continue to embrace. And let it be. Just continue to love. And let it be."
I chuckled at the last statement.
She took my hand and shook it.
"What was that for?", I asked.
She smiled, almost like a silent whisper,"Love is a mystery. Up on the silver screen. All in good time."
~~~
I pondered at her words as I saw the Angel blew the clouds of doubts away that grew storms of discontent.
All in good time.
Then I knew.
And so I prayed, arms wide open.
"Oh Lord of the Universe, have mercy, and give me the patience to seek the answers."
It is not until then, that I knew, it was not up to me to decide upon the questions, nor put judgement on the actions of what I desire. It was never up to me, nor people, not even the Angel. It was just Him. The Omnipotent One.
I think I am not ready. But my heart says differently. I leave it to God to make that decision. :)
Marry me Juliet.
I tried to place myself in a world without fear, without pain, and an alarming piece of jigsaw from a time without space nor gateway to relinquish the evil of men.
And as I sat in that dimension, eyes shut so tight, lips sealed like a kiss of death, I saw a green meadow with a garden of fresh fluer de liu, rasberries and morning dews. The trees were covered with Sundus of great mellow.
I opened my eyes and asked the Angel, who was staring at me with that alluring eyes of hers.
"Is it true that every men who yearns the pandora box of life must go through a path of solitude?"
The Angel, despite the unclear sky of doubt that was hovering above us, took my heart from that space and asked me," What does your heart says?"
I looked at the heart that was beating with a rythmn of relentless serenity. It was sparkling. I hold the beating heart close to my ear and asked, "What is the answer?"
The heart kept beating. There wasn't an answer.
Impatient, I asked the Angel again, "Is it true, that every.."
The Angel interrupted me with a smile.
"If you are not ready for an answer, then let it be. Just continue to close your eyes. And let it be. Just continue to walk. And let it be. Just continue to embrace. And let it be. Just continue to love. And let it be."
I chuckled at the last statement.
She took my hand and shook it.
"What was that for?", I asked.
She smiled, almost like a silent whisper,"Love is a mystery. Up on the silver screen. All in good time."
~~~
I pondered at her words as I saw the Angel blew the clouds of doubts away that grew storms of discontent.
All in good time.
Then I knew.
And so I prayed, arms wide open.
"Oh Lord of the Universe, have mercy, and give me the patience to seek the answers."
It is not until then, that I knew, it was not up to me to decide upon the questions, nor put judgement on the actions of what I desire. It was never up to me, nor people, not even the Angel. It was just Him. The Omnipotent One.
I think I am not ready. But my heart says differently. I leave it to God to make that decision. :)
Marry me Juliet.
Saturday, June 06, 2009
God-conscious
Past few days were a bitch.
With all the commotion of Logistics doing more than they are supposed to, I wonder why I even sign up for this.
Although I must admit I went in with only God as a purpose of salvation.
I remember overhearing my mum advising her students while I was on the com yesterday.
"God will test the ones He deem to be God-Conscious."
and
"Sedangkan orang mukmin akan berkata, Ya Allah, kenapa dikau tidak memberiku ujian? Adakah kau tidak mencintaiku lagi?"
I try to place my heart among the mukmins who are not scared of the likes of dunia.
It was a peaceful retreat.
And soon after Allah gave me solutions, hopes, and strength. I was red-eyed nearly the whole day at work upon seeing His undying Love for those who are patient. I placed all my fingers and pointed it back at me, and told God, that I do not deserve all this for I am sinned.
I love you ma.
I still remember the words you whispered in my ear before I left to work with a restored spiritual uplift.
"Setiap ujian ada hikmahnyer. Sebagai keluarga kita harus mengahdapi semua dengan hati yang ikhlas dan reda. Hanya dengan ujian Allah, kita mampu tahu bahwa Allah tetap mencintai kita. Mama doa agar semua anak2 mama mendapat kesenangan dalam menghadapi ujian Allah."
Alquran, surah Al-Insyirah, verse 4-5.
"So indeed with hardship is ease. Indeed with hardship is ease."
God himself has promised that. It is up to me to believe. And I believe you, oh God of the universe and beyond.
Something for me to ponder..
Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life
surviving if he can
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
and as faced the sun he cast no shadow
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life
surviving if he can
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
and as faced the sun he cast no shadow
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
And as he faced the sun he cast no shadow
With all the commotion of Logistics doing more than they are supposed to, I wonder why I even sign up for this.
Although I must admit I went in with only God as a purpose of salvation.
I remember overhearing my mum advising her students while I was on the com yesterday.
"God will test the ones He deem to be God-Conscious."
and
"Sedangkan orang mukmin akan berkata, Ya Allah, kenapa dikau tidak memberiku ujian? Adakah kau tidak mencintaiku lagi?"
I try to place my heart among the mukmins who are not scared of the likes of dunia.
It was a peaceful retreat.
And soon after Allah gave me solutions, hopes, and strength. I was red-eyed nearly the whole day at work upon seeing His undying Love for those who are patient. I placed all my fingers and pointed it back at me, and told God, that I do not deserve all this for I am sinned.
I love you ma.
I still remember the words you whispered in my ear before I left to work with a restored spiritual uplift.
"Setiap ujian ada hikmahnyer. Sebagai keluarga kita harus mengahdapi semua dengan hati yang ikhlas dan reda. Hanya dengan ujian Allah, kita mampu tahu bahwa Allah tetap mencintai kita. Mama doa agar semua anak2 mama mendapat kesenangan dalam menghadapi ujian Allah."
Alquran, surah Al-Insyirah, verse 4-5.
"So indeed with hardship is ease. Indeed with hardship is ease."
God himself has promised that. It is up to me to believe. And I believe you, oh God of the universe and beyond.
Something for me to ponder..
Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life
surviving if he can
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
and as faced the sun he cast no shadow
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life
surviving if he can
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
and as faced the sun he cast no shadow
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
And as he faced the sun he cast no shadow
Monday, May 25, 2009
Haki, or himma 'aliyya
What does it take to sacrifice and protect your 'nakama'?What does it take to be the best in the world?
What does it take to protect your dreams and ambitions?
The ans?
HAKI (覇気)
~willpower, ambition, drive, aspiration
On the authority of Abu Huraia ( may Allah be pleased with him ) that the Prophet ( may the blessings and peace of Allah be upon him ) said :
" Whosoever removes a worldly grief from a believer, Allah will remove for him one of the griefs of the Day of Judgment. Whosoever alleviates (the lot of ) a need person, Allah will alleviate ( his lot) in this world and the next. Whosoever shields a Muslim, Allah will shield him in this world and the next. Allah will aid a servant (of His) so long as the servant aids his brother. Whosoever follows a path to seek knowledge therein, Allah will make easy for him path to Paradise. No people gather together in one of the houses of Allah, reciting the Book of Allah and studying it among themselves, without tranquility descending upon them, mercy enveloping them, the angels surrounding them and Allah making mention of them amongst those who are with him. whosoever is slowed down by his actions will not be hastened foreword by his lineage .."
The Sufi way exists to know the incommensurability of the Divine. To do so the self must relinquish its position as the greatest thing in existence. Belief in the inevitability of destiny anticipates this in principle before one realizes it in the fullness of one’s path.
The context of this maxim is personal transformation from spiritual hypocrisy to spiritual sincerity (to fully submit to the Lord's will, and in doing so, we submit without asking anything in return).
Masters of the path are unanimous that to accomplish the change the aspirant must have high ambition (himma ‘aliyya), but it must be sublimated so that it becomes second nature; practiced and not thought about; there, but never looked at or depended upon.
Our own will is one of the plainest components of consciousness, and the desire to ascend to the Divine in a moment is probably native to every heart that has ever set out for Him. But the distance of the path lies precisely in realizing the ontological relation between our own contingent being and the necessary being of Allah, and if reaching God were subject to our will, it would not be subject to His, which is the opposite of illumination. The spiritual way must purify the traveller, by its very turns and length, of the illusion of being “master of his fate and captain of his soul,” in order to allow him to directly experience the divine omnipotence.
Allah says in a hadith qudsi,
“Man offends Me: he reviles Time, though I am Time; the command is in My hand, I turn over the nights and days.”
In conclusion?
Ikhtiar and Tawaqal. :)
PS: I personally believe by sleeping 11 hours it totally eliminates fatigue. I slept 11 hours yesterday right after work and solat isyak. Now look at me. I feel like Captain Planet. Powerla!
Friday, May 22, 2009
I wish I can go for an adventure, right now.
Quit whatever Im doing ryt now. Screw uni. Screw DFS.
Just take up my lucky running shoes, some money, and run.
Keep running and see the world. Who knows people might follow me. And then more people.
I'll sleep somewhere, anywhere. Just need a credit card. And run. It'll be a the most dangerous and adventurous journey in my whole life, worth dying for.
After so many nights, the constellations are finally in place. I saw my star today. My star. Unfortunately, you are not there to see it too.
Quit whatever Im doing ryt now. Screw uni. Screw DFS.
Just take up my lucky running shoes, some money, and run.
Keep running and see the world. Who knows people might follow me. And then more people.
I'll sleep somewhere, anywhere. Just need a credit card. And run. It'll be a the most dangerous and adventurous journey in my whole life, worth dying for.
After so many nights, the constellations are finally in place. I saw my star today. My star. Unfortunately, you are not there to see it too.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Mad World
Im always suprised by what life has to offer to me.
Sometimes its like a yoyo, you're up way up, and then you fall so low, before you go up again.
I was so disappointed at myself for not able to get any sponsorship for the team. But Allah knows the best of intentions, and immediately He granted me an uplift of spirit, and told me to not give up.
And to think that the person who called me have a very close social network with me, I hardly could ever noticed it at all.
And God knows what will happen next. Perhaps going down again?
If im going down, I'll stand and pause and embrace.
If im up, I'll kneel down and pray.
And if im at the middle, I shall put my head on the ground and picture myself in a world of madness...
How the Somalians suffer from so much Civil Wars..
How the Palestinians suffer from the ignorance of the world, and the cruel treatment of the Zionist Jews who couldn't stop killing and oppressing and create de-developmentation of a weak Palestinian state..
How the American soldiers who fought in a war nobody would understand..
How the Prophet Muhammad PBUH as per a Hadith, would rush to the aid of his ummah during the awakening after kiamah, despite being naked without clothes even though a set of gold silk robes were already prepared for him..
How people would think of each other when chaos breaks loose..
How love and affection can change everything without realisation..
How the rich become richer, and the poor become poorer...
This is truly a mad world.
I love listening to Adam Lambert's version of it.
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
PS: and thanks so much for the tuna puff, although Harold ate most of it. :p
Sometimes its like a yoyo, you're up way up, and then you fall so low, before you go up again.
I was so disappointed at myself for not able to get any sponsorship for the team. But Allah knows the best of intentions, and immediately He granted me an uplift of spirit, and told me to not give up.
And to think that the person who called me have a very close social network with me, I hardly could ever noticed it at all.
And God knows what will happen next. Perhaps going down again?
If im going down, I'll stand and pause and embrace.
If im up, I'll kneel down and pray.
And if im at the middle, I shall put my head on the ground and picture myself in a world of madness...
How the Somalians suffer from so much Civil Wars..
How the Palestinians suffer from the ignorance of the world, and the cruel treatment of the Zionist Jews who couldn't stop killing and oppressing and create de-developmentation of a weak Palestinian state..
How the American soldiers who fought in a war nobody would understand..
How the Prophet Muhammad PBUH as per a Hadith, would rush to the aid of his ummah during the awakening after kiamah, despite being naked without clothes even though a set of gold silk robes were already prepared for him..
How people would think of each other when chaos breaks loose..
How love and affection can change everything without realisation..
How the rich become richer, and the poor become poorer...
This is truly a mad world.
I love listening to Adam Lambert's version of it.
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
PS: and thanks so much for the tuna puff, although Harold ate most of it. :p
Friday, May 15, 2009
The Kill
I feel like killing someone.
Its been a roller coaster ride for me, the past few weeks. So many things to do, to think. Sometimes I wonder, should I just stop?
Went to samir's house to chill. Apparently, although we look like a bunch of mat malaysians slacking on the couch doing nothing but playing the,'kau nak ni ke yg tu?'game, I kinda like the feeling.
I went for a run this morning. I felt free.
So what's my definition of freedom now at this moment?
"To feel free."
Its been a roller coaster ride for me, the past few weeks. So many things to do, to think. Sometimes I wonder, should I just stop?
Went to samir's house to chill. Apparently, although we look like a bunch of mat malaysians slacking on the couch doing nothing but playing the,'kau nak ni ke yg tu?'game, I kinda like the feeling.
I went for a run this morning. I felt free.
So what's my definition of freedom now at this moment?
"To feel free."
Sunday, May 03, 2009
The Stalker Strikes Again
I got visits from that stalker again. This time, its frequent. Urgh.
I must admit her persistence in getting my attention kinda like goes up to alert amber. Im saying, its starting to freak me out. I mean no offense gurl, I don't even know you much, and I don't even know if you pray, which is like the first rule of the thumb. I dun take in girls that are simply:
1) a Muslim but does not live like a Muslim
2) dumb (intellectually dumb, not academically, its a big difference)
3) not cute (hehe)
So beat it. Period.
One more time im telling you i'd sent the dogs! (like I have dogs. Sheesh, im even scared to even look at them. Don't blame me. Blame my childhood past. Hehe)
I mean, she's nice and all. Buy me chocolates and all. Although I never eat them cuz Im coughing. Haha. But at least my collegues do get a taste of it. Makes them happy. HAHA!
But she has that stare that makes your hair tingle you know. Who knows she uses like, minyak dagu Made In The House By Bomoh that sort, and swipe it on my face and then I'll be cursed to love her? Well it happens man, no joke. And one more thing.
Its the laughter. Its not like the usual, haha. Its more like, hahehihuhahahahuhi. So weird and irritating.
I do appreciate the concern, you might be even reading this. You might even be spying on me. Like attaching small spy cams on cockroaches ryt... No wonder so many episodes of flying cockroaches coming in thru the window. Hahaha!
But im sorry. I dun like you.
Now I sound like a bitch in retort. :p
Now back to my life..
Where was I..
Oh ya so many japanese people from this may 1st till may 6th. So for those faithful readers out there who loves the smell of seaweed pouring out of the sweat of these people who created Godzilla and all time favourite Ultraman, do drop by DFS Galleria.
Speaking of which, there is this old obasaan (granma) who even got the chick to flirt with me. And she has this pimp-like smile (its actually the gold tooth hehe) and instead of talking to her, most of the time I was talking to the golden tooth. HAHAHAHAHA!
My collegues scolded me and say, "Why you like to flirt?"
Im like, do I? And right in front of me, was a PRC dude who happens to laugh at my silly remarks on how china people can make a river without building a dam.
Easy.."Line up the whole people of China along a dried up river stretched so long it goes like the Great Wall of China, and spit."
HAHAHAHA! I mean, im just joking around. It sounds gay to actually 'flirting' with a guy ryt? If that's the case, then Samir is indeed my gay partner. Cuz most of the time we are seen giggling over some stupid joke about choosing whether you want an ugly fart who stinks so much or a skiny noodle who honks around blabbering about how pretty she is. And if you never choose, you become a pig.
Oh ya talk about pigs.. I was wondering why only in Singapore we call it 'swine flu'. Other nations call it, H1N1.
Goes to show how lame we Singaporeans are. While other nations sound soo intellectual, we sound like an old apek who keeps complaining about the government. Hahaha! Tough joke my fellow countrymen, you and I are all wussies, plain ol' wussies. Hehehe. :p
And talk about swine flu... My god!! I feel so vulnerable. I mean, its ember alert, and my company is a tourist-related business, and um, there is a probable case in South Korea and Hong Kong, and there are ALOT of koreans in DFS just now, and Hong Kong is part of China, and there is ALOT of china people just now too, so umm...
SHOULD'NT THERE BE SOME SENSE OF PANIC?????!!!!!
I mean, where's the mask?? Where's the gloves??
I just want the mask. So I do not need to smell their stinky breath. Hehe.
Sang Ah (my Korean collegue) over reacted to some point, she even said, "Just now ah, when the PRC man coughed, I feel like the virus jump on me."
HAHAHA! I didn't know virus have legs that can jump like ticks. :D
I mean, I'm not asking Singapore to over react and get paranoid. I think the SARS episode should be enough to spur precautionary measures, especially in places where tourist are most likely to be found. I read in the newspapers, hotels like Hyatt already implemented stringent measures for staff. So DFS, come on, I know we need the sales, but Im talking about the angel of Death! Does it kill to actually sell an Omega watch? (at some level, I might beg to differ hehe)
In my opinion, pandemic diseases tend to arise from non-muslim countries. I mean, the Black Death? SARS? Bird flu? Surely Islam is the ideal religion that practices not just strict personal hygiene (altho Nabila thinks that wearing a perfume is an act of 'puji diri sendiri' hehe) but also general cleanliness.
"Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers etc.).; (Al Baqarah 2:222)
Cleanliness is part of Iman (faith) as stated in Bukhari, and Allah is pure and He loves purity (Muslim). I mean, this is an act of accordance to WHO's definition of health.
“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well being and not merely an absence of disease or infirmity”.
Even in prayers, we purify our minds by subjecting our mental and physical physics to an Omnipotent Being. We are obliged to greet each other, and strengthen ukhwah among us. We are obliged to exercise and keep fit:
“The strong believer is better and more loved by Allah than the weaker one” narrated by Muslim and Ahmad.
Just to be sure of my stand, I firmly express my deepest disappointment on the recent euphoria that caused a stir of sorts in Geylang. I mean, you're a Muslim right? But how come you're being ignorant about the importance of general cleanliness? You should be ashamed of yourselves. Why Geylang Serai has to be the most dirtiest markets in Singapore? Is this equating Malay/Muslims as being unhygienic? Oh come on my friends, you can do better than that..
Surely you must commit to that level of understanding. On how imperative it is to keep ourselves healthy and clean. It is our duty as the ambassadors of all race and religion to act as role models. If you do love Muhammad (pbuh), then why are you doing all this nonsense?
In my opinion, I think NEA should step up with even more stringent measures. Like hawkers with class C license shouldn't even be hawkering (if there is such a word). I know its drastic, but I see Malay/Muslims stalls with class C license, and its disgusting. Let me inject a reminder, that it is a SIN to cause trouble to another Muslim. Especially if it leads to death. So lets keep it simple- forget about the laws, just view it in terms of our religion. Is it right in the eyes of Allah?
So the point is, as a nation, I beg everyone of you, to those who are sneezing or coughing in the mrt or bus, pls wear a mask. I know its not cool, but after months observing the Japanese and their level of fashion, to them its cool to wear a mask, AND be fashionable. At least these people do take consideration to the people around them. Ditch aside the old cultures and habits. We are an educated society, and thus, it is empowered upon us to practise what we preach. SARS affected us so bad. Let us not repeat the saga again.
On a personal note, I want to go out and have fun, not sit and home and quarantine myself. Duh!
PS: I love this song. Although her accent is fake and somehow she sounds (or tries to sound) like norah jones, but still it creates this dreamy aura that makes you wanna fly.. Don't you think so? :)
I must admit her persistence in getting my attention kinda like goes up to alert amber. Im saying, its starting to freak me out. I mean no offense gurl, I don't even know you much, and I don't even know if you pray, which is like the first rule of the thumb. I dun take in girls that are simply:
1) a Muslim but does not live like a Muslim
2) dumb (intellectually dumb, not academically, its a big difference)
3) not cute (hehe)
So beat it. Period.
One more time im telling you i'd sent the dogs! (like I have dogs. Sheesh, im even scared to even look at them. Don't blame me. Blame my childhood past. Hehe)
I mean, she's nice and all. Buy me chocolates and all. Although I never eat them cuz Im coughing. Haha. But at least my collegues do get a taste of it. Makes them happy. HAHA!
But she has that stare that makes your hair tingle you know. Who knows she uses like, minyak dagu Made In The House By Bomoh that sort, and swipe it on my face and then I'll be cursed to love her? Well it happens man, no joke. And one more thing.
Its the laughter. Its not like the usual, haha. Its more like, hahehihuhahahahuhi. So weird and irritating.
I do appreciate the concern, you might be even reading this. You might even be spying on me. Like attaching small spy cams on cockroaches ryt... No wonder so many episodes of flying cockroaches coming in thru the window. Hahaha!
But im sorry. I dun like you.
Now I sound like a bitch in retort. :p
Now back to my life..
Where was I..
Oh ya so many japanese people from this may 1st till may 6th. So for those faithful readers out there who loves the smell of seaweed pouring out of the sweat of these people who created Godzilla and all time favourite Ultraman, do drop by DFS Galleria.
Speaking of which, there is this old obasaan (granma) who even got the chick to flirt with me. And she has this pimp-like smile (its actually the gold tooth hehe) and instead of talking to her, most of the time I was talking to the golden tooth. HAHAHAHAHA!
My collegues scolded me and say, "Why you like to flirt?"
Im like, do I? And right in front of me, was a PRC dude who happens to laugh at my silly remarks on how china people can make a river without building a dam.
Easy.."Line up the whole people of China along a dried up river stretched so long it goes like the Great Wall of China, and spit."
HAHAHAHA! I mean, im just joking around. It sounds gay to actually 'flirting' with a guy ryt? If that's the case, then Samir is indeed my gay partner. Cuz most of the time we are seen giggling over some stupid joke about choosing whether you want an ugly fart who stinks so much or a skiny noodle who honks around blabbering about how pretty she is. And if you never choose, you become a pig.
Oh ya talk about pigs.. I was wondering why only in Singapore we call it 'swine flu'. Other nations call it, H1N1.
Goes to show how lame we Singaporeans are. While other nations sound soo intellectual, we sound like an old apek who keeps complaining about the government. Hahaha! Tough joke my fellow countrymen, you and I are all wussies, plain ol' wussies. Hehehe. :p
And talk about swine flu... My god!! I feel so vulnerable. I mean, its ember alert, and my company is a tourist-related business, and um, there is a probable case in South Korea and Hong Kong, and there are ALOT of koreans in DFS just now, and Hong Kong is part of China, and there is ALOT of china people just now too, so umm...
SHOULD'NT THERE BE SOME SENSE OF PANIC?????!!!!!
I mean, where's the mask?? Where's the gloves??
I just want the mask. So I do not need to smell their stinky breath. Hehe.
Sang Ah (my Korean collegue) over reacted to some point, she even said, "Just now ah, when the PRC man coughed, I feel like the virus jump on me."
HAHAHA! I didn't know virus have legs that can jump like ticks. :D
I mean, I'm not asking Singapore to over react and get paranoid. I think the SARS episode should be enough to spur precautionary measures, especially in places where tourist are most likely to be found. I read in the newspapers, hotels like Hyatt already implemented stringent measures for staff. So DFS, come on, I know we need the sales, but Im talking about the angel of Death! Does it kill to actually sell an Omega watch? (at some level, I might beg to differ hehe)
In my opinion, pandemic diseases tend to arise from non-muslim countries. I mean, the Black Death? SARS? Bird flu? Surely Islam is the ideal religion that practices not just strict personal hygiene (altho Nabila thinks that wearing a perfume is an act of 'puji diri sendiri' hehe) but also general cleanliness.
"Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers etc.).; (Al Baqarah 2:222)
Cleanliness is part of Iman (faith) as stated in Bukhari, and Allah is pure and He loves purity (Muslim). I mean, this is an act of accordance to WHO's definition of health.
“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well being and not merely an absence of disease or infirmity”.
Even in prayers, we purify our minds by subjecting our mental and physical physics to an Omnipotent Being. We are obliged to greet each other, and strengthen ukhwah among us. We are obliged to exercise and keep fit:
“The strong believer is better and more loved by Allah than the weaker one” narrated by Muslim and Ahmad.
Just to be sure of my stand, I firmly express my deepest disappointment on the recent euphoria that caused a stir of sorts in Geylang. I mean, you're a Muslim right? But how come you're being ignorant about the importance of general cleanliness? You should be ashamed of yourselves. Why Geylang Serai has to be the most dirtiest markets in Singapore? Is this equating Malay/Muslims as being unhygienic? Oh come on my friends, you can do better than that..
Surely you must commit to that level of understanding. On how imperative it is to keep ourselves healthy and clean. It is our duty as the ambassadors of all race and religion to act as role models. If you do love Muhammad (pbuh), then why are you doing all this nonsense?
In my opinion, I think NEA should step up with even more stringent measures. Like hawkers with class C license shouldn't even be hawkering (if there is such a word). I know its drastic, but I see Malay/Muslims stalls with class C license, and its disgusting. Let me inject a reminder, that it is a SIN to cause trouble to another Muslim. Especially if it leads to death. So lets keep it simple- forget about the laws, just view it in terms of our religion. Is it right in the eyes of Allah?
So the point is, as a nation, I beg everyone of you, to those who are sneezing or coughing in the mrt or bus, pls wear a mask. I know its not cool, but after months observing the Japanese and their level of fashion, to them its cool to wear a mask, AND be fashionable. At least these people do take consideration to the people around them. Ditch aside the old cultures and habits. We are an educated society, and thus, it is empowered upon us to practise what we preach. SARS affected us so bad. Let us not repeat the saga again.
On a personal note, I want to go out and have fun, not sit and home and quarantine myself. Duh!
PS: I love this song. Although her accent is fake and somehow she sounds (or tries to sound) like norah jones, but still it creates this dreamy aura that makes you wanna fly.. Don't you think so? :)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Nobody nobody but YOU! *clap clap*
I love this song.
It has these 'earworm' properties that got stuck in my mind.
Nobody -
What a bunch of idiots!!!!
Im hooked to this shit. I don't know why. Is it the song, the rhythm, or the routine?
Or all the above? haha!
Or maybe its just the girls, cuz they are SOO HOOT!! Of course i've seen way hotter than them at DFS, I mean, even my colleague who is also a Korean is also pretty.
But I guess I still wun wanna marry them. Simply because of their mother-in-law. HAHA! I dun wish to be controlled by an Obassan (an old woman). So not cool.
I actually am practising the routine haha! It is an idiot-proof routine, and I think it is a fun dance as compared to stupid 'Half way round the world' mass dance routine back in AJC. I practically hide inside the toilet for 45min playing hp games just to smoke out. HAHAHA!
Nobody nobody but YOU!! *Clap clap!
PS: Make sure you record you know. Then post it to newpaper. :p
At last I finally achieve wad I was born to be. An epitome of idiocry. HAHAHA!
nobody -
It has these 'earworm' properties that got stuck in my mind.
Nobody -
What a bunch of idiots!!!!
Im hooked to this shit. I don't know why. Is it the song, the rhythm, or the routine?
Or all the above? haha!
Or maybe its just the girls, cuz they are SOO HOOT!! Of course i've seen way hotter than them at DFS, I mean, even my colleague who is also a Korean is also pretty.
But I guess I still wun wanna marry them. Simply because of their mother-in-law. HAHA! I dun wish to be controlled by an Obassan (an old woman). So not cool.
I actually am practising the routine haha! It is an idiot-proof routine, and I think it is a fun dance as compared to stupid 'Half way round the world' mass dance routine back in AJC. I practically hide inside the toilet for 45min playing hp games just to smoke out. HAHAHA!
Nobody nobody but YOU!! *Clap clap!
PS: Make sure you record you know. Then post it to newpaper. :p
At last I finally achieve wad I was born to be. An epitome of idiocry. HAHAHA!
nobody -
Saturday, April 25, 2009
random crap
Im suppose to finish my thoughts on fat women (actually its more about women who have fat belly's- women who do not have the initiatives to keep themselves in shape) and how Islam perceives it, but I guess I have to stall for a bit more, looking at how my brain stops to function and every now and then SOMEBODY (hehe..) texts me. So I suggested myself to write about crap.
Arsenal v/s Liverpool
What a gruesome match that was! I had to wake up early in the morning only to see stupid Fabianski conceding again and again relentless goals. Out comes Super Arshavin who saves Arsenal's ass. Let me tell you something. If I were Arsene Wenger, I'd probably:
1) Throw an all-american pie on Fabianski face to wake him up and tell him this is not a dream
2) Have a 5.56mm rifle pointed directly on the ass of Silvestre, Toure and Denilson for playing like a small kid (Denilson IS a small kid haha)
3) Take a good old baseball bat and whack that Israelian Jew out of his god beloved Zionist misery (im referring to Benayoun)
4) Sing a lulluby to Bendtner. Cuz I thought he was sleep walking hahaha!
Seriously, I believe if they were to put Denilson away with Diaby earlier on, that would have make good defensive rather than Denilson. He probs the ball too long, often seen holding the ball and not passing it accurately.
What Arsenal really needs right now is the come back of Fabregas in-form, Clichy, Gallas, Van Persie and my old time favourite the tall dark assassin Adebayor. What they lack right now is communication.
Mun'ish 2009
I actually volunteered to be among the organizers for this night cycling event hosted by SIM MCMS, NP MS and Al-Mukminin Youths. Haha! Im now in the Logistic Team, and I actually dragged Harold in it as my personal backup. Haha! Hell hath no fury like Hazlami's scorn. Im back in the cool shades of intellectuality!! Every time I am with this bunch of people, I feel rejuvenated. Like Im on the good side of life, not the murky waters of DFS work. I just want to be back on track, serving the community like I always do.
In the spirit of NON MIHI SOLUM...
And to think that I actually hated collecting newspaper back in AJC..
Im gonna enjoy this ride. Expanding my social network again. And come to think of it, alot of them actually have social links with me, indirectly that is. Nabila herself have at least 5 on the spiderweb. Cool. Goes to show how popular I am hehe.. :)
And summore its logistics say. Oh come on, that's SOO encik's job la. I mean, if encik were to be in charge, it'll be swee swee (an army term for a perfect job). Kudos to him for giving me all the extras to train me up for this. Hahaha!
That still does not make it up for your evil behaviour. I still hate you.
Moving on....
Ghost encounter
Bad luck. This is gonna be the last time I'm running at the middle of the night. Caught myself entangled with the unknown. I was running near Zhenghua Sec and was about to make a U-turn when I noticed my footsteps weren't in synchronize with the noise that was created by my foot. Its supposed to be: pat pat pat pat.. A series of constant pit pats. But that night it wasn't. It was more like: pat pat patpatpat pit pat patpatpat. A double pat. Like someone was actually running with me. Shit.
I ran faster than Bolt only to find out something's breathing on my neck while I was in the lift.
Goodness gracious. It took me quite sometime to calm down. I couldn't even msg right. Hahaha! Adila kinda freak out hearing these stories.
Kinda like entering the twilight zone, don't you think so? I spent the whole night yesterday ghost story-ing to her, and I got freak out myself. Couldn't sleep haha!
Good for you dude. Just great. Next time when you want to open the can of worms, just make sure you dun freak yourself out.
Maulidur Rasul
It was a success. A lot of friends, family and relatives came to witness the story of a man so great he was well known all over the 7 skies. A man called Muhammd PBUH.
It took me the whole saturday to clean up the house. I was all alone fighting dirt. Ok, my brothers did help me, but seeing the standard of cleanliness they give, if they were to be my men right now, I'd give them twenty and sent them to bear crawl from one corner to the other. Haha. Oh come on cut some slag. It's my first time hosting a maulid. It was MY maulid. Of course, my dad had some share in it, but 80% of it was from my sweat and tears working for a year.
It was great. I thought I saw you standing in front of me, reciting the 'marhaban' together. :(
After the marhaban, I and Harold along with my uncle went to fetch the food catered by my father's best friend who lives somewhere near Segar. Let me tell you something. Harold harold... Kau dah macam kenal pakcik aku macam 10 tahun sey. Haha! Mesra giler kepe.. They keep telling jokes and whatever not.
After the feast I joined the Coffee Club gang- Harold and Taha Arafat with Taufik as guest, and played the choosing game.
Much to my amazement, my mum was so sporting she even joked back to Samir. I was in deep thoughts. OMG. Mama, you ok or not? Since when did you joke around??? HAHAHA!!
And I thought my mum is boring. Turns out, she compliments Harold alot. Bro, ko bleh tidur rumah aku anytime la. She treat you like her son already. Now both of us got two mums! haha!
Oh ya, thanks to Shikin and Maryam for coming to my Maulid. My nenek called Shikin 'Junaidah' hahaha! And she even asked me, sape punyer matair tu? Didi punyer eh? HAHAHAHA!
Oh come on... I told her la, "Tu kawan didi nyer, yang muke macam Cina."
So she went, "So Didi biler nak ada? Didi dah tua tau!"
Old woman and her antics. I totally ignored her. HAHA!
I would publicly apologise to Nabila's fren whom she say has been bugging her about my facebook shout out regarding:
FEMINISM v/s PRINCIPLE OF DUALITY
So sorry yah. Oh to you to Nabila hahaha!
You and Maryam can hold hands la. Sheesh. Maryam and her 'woman is the greatest crap' HAHAHA!
PS: Well im not saying that woman are weak. I mean, the definition of power in this era is more of influence. So, if a woman could not cook and has a career, sure go ahead. But if a man like me who can cook AND pursue a career, it goes to show that men like me are simply better than women. HAHAHA!
And oh ya, dondeng, I TOLD YOU TO STUDY NOT GOSSIP AROUND AT THE AIRPORT! You're grounded! (chey macam paham je)
I love this song. Keeps reminding me about life. About me. About how much more I need to go in order to live my life fully. And also telling me the importance of friendship. I mean, no one can walk this rigid life alone. You always need someone to help you get past the rocky edges of life. Just in case you slip and fall. :)
Arsenal v/s Liverpool
What a gruesome match that was! I had to wake up early in the morning only to see stupid Fabianski conceding again and again relentless goals. Out comes Super Arshavin who saves Arsenal's ass. Let me tell you something. If I were Arsene Wenger, I'd probably:
1) Throw an all-american pie on Fabianski face to wake him up and tell him this is not a dream
2) Have a 5.56mm rifle pointed directly on the ass of Silvestre, Toure and Denilson for playing like a small kid (Denilson IS a small kid haha)
3) Take a good old baseball bat and whack that Israelian Jew out of his god beloved Zionist misery (im referring to Benayoun)
4) Sing a lulluby to Bendtner. Cuz I thought he was sleep walking hahaha!
Seriously, I believe if they were to put Denilson away with Diaby earlier on, that would have make good defensive rather than Denilson. He probs the ball too long, often seen holding the ball and not passing it accurately.
What Arsenal really needs right now is the come back of Fabregas in-form, Clichy, Gallas, Van Persie and my old time favourite the tall dark assassin Adebayor. What they lack right now is communication.
Mun'ish 2009
I actually volunteered to be among the organizers for this night cycling event hosted by SIM MCMS, NP MS and Al-Mukminin Youths. Haha! Im now in the Logistic Team, and I actually dragged Harold in it as my personal backup. Haha! Hell hath no fury like Hazlami's scorn. Im back in the cool shades of intellectuality!! Every time I am with this bunch of people, I feel rejuvenated. Like Im on the good side of life, not the murky waters of DFS work. I just want to be back on track, serving the community like I always do.
In the spirit of NON MIHI SOLUM...
And to think that I actually hated collecting newspaper back in AJC..
Im gonna enjoy this ride. Expanding my social network again. And come to think of it, alot of them actually have social links with me, indirectly that is. Nabila herself have at least 5 on the spiderweb. Cool. Goes to show how popular I am hehe.. :)
And summore its logistics say. Oh come on, that's SOO encik's job la. I mean, if encik were to be in charge, it'll be swee swee (an army term for a perfect job). Kudos to him for giving me all the extras to train me up for this. Hahaha!
That still does not make it up for your evil behaviour. I still hate you.
Moving on....
Ghost encounter
Bad luck. This is gonna be the last time I'm running at the middle of the night. Caught myself entangled with the unknown. I was running near Zhenghua Sec and was about to make a U-turn when I noticed my footsteps weren't in synchronize with the noise that was created by my foot. Its supposed to be: pat pat pat pat.. A series of constant pit pats. But that night it wasn't. It was more like: pat pat patpatpat pit pat patpatpat. A double pat. Like someone was actually running with me. Shit.
I ran faster than Bolt only to find out something's breathing on my neck while I was in the lift.
Goodness gracious. It took me quite sometime to calm down. I couldn't even msg right. Hahaha! Adila kinda freak out hearing these stories.
Kinda like entering the twilight zone, don't you think so? I spent the whole night yesterday ghost story-ing to her, and I got freak out myself. Couldn't sleep haha!
Good for you dude. Just great. Next time when you want to open the can of worms, just make sure you dun freak yourself out.
Maulidur Rasul
It was a success. A lot of friends, family and relatives came to witness the story of a man so great he was well known all over the 7 skies. A man called Muhammd PBUH.
It took me the whole saturday to clean up the house. I was all alone fighting dirt. Ok, my brothers did help me, but seeing the standard of cleanliness they give, if they were to be my men right now, I'd give them twenty and sent them to bear crawl from one corner to the other. Haha. Oh come on cut some slag. It's my first time hosting a maulid. It was MY maulid. Of course, my dad had some share in it, but 80% of it was from my sweat and tears working for a year.
It was great. I thought I saw you standing in front of me, reciting the 'marhaban' together. :(
After the marhaban, I and Harold along with my uncle went to fetch the food catered by my father's best friend who lives somewhere near Segar. Let me tell you something. Harold harold... Kau dah macam kenal pakcik aku macam 10 tahun sey. Haha! Mesra giler kepe.. They keep telling jokes and whatever not.
After the feast I joined the Coffee Club gang- Harold and Taha Arafat with Taufik as guest, and played the choosing game.
Much to my amazement, my mum was so sporting she even joked back to Samir. I was in deep thoughts. OMG. Mama, you ok or not? Since when did you joke around??? HAHAHA!!
And I thought my mum is boring. Turns out, she compliments Harold alot. Bro, ko bleh tidur rumah aku anytime la. She treat you like her son already. Now both of us got two mums! haha!
Oh ya, thanks to Shikin and Maryam for coming to my Maulid. My nenek called Shikin 'Junaidah' hahaha! And she even asked me, sape punyer matair tu? Didi punyer eh? HAHAHAHA!
Oh come on... I told her la, "Tu kawan didi nyer, yang muke macam Cina."
So she went, "So Didi biler nak ada? Didi dah tua tau!"
Old woman and her antics. I totally ignored her. HAHA!
I would publicly apologise to Nabila's fren whom she say has been bugging her about my facebook shout out regarding:
FEMINISM v/s PRINCIPLE OF DUALITY
So sorry yah. Oh to you to Nabila hahaha!
You and Maryam can hold hands la. Sheesh. Maryam and her 'woman is the greatest crap' HAHAHA!
PS: Well im not saying that woman are weak. I mean, the definition of power in this era is more of influence. So, if a woman could not cook and has a career, sure go ahead. But if a man like me who can cook AND pursue a career, it goes to show that men like me are simply better than women. HAHAHA!
And oh ya, dondeng, I TOLD YOU TO STUDY NOT GOSSIP AROUND AT THE AIRPORT! You're grounded! (chey macam paham je)
I love this song. Keeps reminding me about life. About me. About how much more I need to go in order to live my life fully. And also telling me the importance of friendship. I mean, no one can walk this rigid life alone. You always need someone to help you get past the rocky edges of life. Just in case you slip and fall. :)
Saturday, April 18, 2009
I feel like shit.
That's all I have to say.
I have a sore throat, my back is aching, today is freaking hot.
And tomorrow is your maulid.
I make sure there is tissue paper around me.
Oh Allah, release her from your hold and let her attend my maulid. Give her a place in paradise and place her amongst the people of patience..
And mother theresa's quote is damn true.
"Real love is always painful and hurts; then it is real and pure."
That's all I have to say.
I have a sore throat, my back is aching, today is freaking hot.
And tomorrow is your maulid.
I make sure there is tissue paper around me.
Oh Allah, release her from your hold and let her attend my maulid. Give her a place in paradise and place her amongst the people of patience..
And mother theresa's quote is damn true.
"Real love is always painful and hurts; then it is real and pure."
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Cast no shadow
April 23 is getting closer and closer.
April 16 is even closer than I thought it would be.
Two of the most important dates in my history that fully describes being me.
Even more important than my stupid birthday.
Even more important than my parent's birthdays.
And I don't think im strong enough to face it. Exactly 5 days. 5 days to the rush of memories that have hibernated quietly in the winter. I can feel it trembling under my fingers. The imminent danger.
And as I prepare myself for the wave of sadness to embrace the love anniversary between a kind soul and a troubled shadowless man, and the death anniversary of that very kind soul that has shaped and made a major paradigm shift in my perspectives, my thoughts, my feelings, my worldview, upon this god-forsaken world, I knew it is impossible to grasp something that is inevitable.
If only you'd be alive right now, we'd be celebrating 2 years of friendship and love. I'd be planning something really special for such a kind soul like you. 1 year has almost gone, and yet here I am, standing, defending your throne, like the dark knight you likened me to be. 1 year has almost gone, and here I am, still thinking of you, trying to see a glimpse of you amidst the streak of sun that shines through the green canopy of leaves, struggling to hear your soft and sweet voice in the pitter patter of the morning rain, attempting to feel your presence by merely closing my eyes and pretend we were in that house in the meadows with the garden of roses you sorely loved. 1 year has almost gone, and yet, here am I. Even as I stand strong in the light of the sun, I cast no shadow. The only flesh that cast a figure of darkness is the heart that you gave, sincere and pure, virgin and untouched. The heart that I hurt all the time, the selfish knife that kept plunging in and out unreluctantly. And yet, there you are, smiling, crying, like a pure baby, only knew about love. Just love.
I am a broken man, my kind-hearted friend. Trying to piece back myself. And as the world began to play its uncanny evil plot of distrust and misunderstanding, I only have your heart that beats a thousand emotions of love and tranquility, pure and sincerity, as a beacon of hope to salvage whatever that makes me human.
I miss you, my kind-hearted friend. You use to listen to all (the word 'all' carries a probability of almost a hundred percent of possibility) of the things that I see, I hear, I feel. And there you are, stroking my head, like a mother, like a best friend, listening intently and laugh and cry together. You were the only friend that knew me through and through. The only friend that I've shared my wildest dreams. You'll chuckle at the immaturity, my imperfect reflection, and take it as a form of perfection.
Here is a song for you, albeit counting down the days till our love anniversary. Little Dian Farzanna Binte Zainal.
PS: I told ibu of my intentions of the maulid this 19th, of how I wish God would grant my wishes, give our family safety and paradise, and also, put you among the people of paradise. And she told me, she misses you too. She cried, a tear leaking from the corner of her eyes, disbelief by the fact that you are now gone. I thought I was alone, the only one who cannot accept your passing. My guesses are wrong. She says, she misses the way you talk to her. How soft you were. How sweet you were. And she keeps repeating that. I hold on to the urge of telling her to stop cuz it hurts. But instead I hug her. For you.
PPS: I saw a glimpse of you on one of the lights on the Indoor Stadium when Liam sang this line, "Cuz if I have to go, in my heart you'd grow. And that's where you'll belong."
April 16 is even closer than I thought it would be.
Two of the most important dates in my history that fully describes being me.
Even more important than my stupid birthday.
Even more important than my parent's birthdays.
And I don't think im strong enough to face it. Exactly 5 days. 5 days to the rush of memories that have hibernated quietly in the winter. I can feel it trembling under my fingers. The imminent danger.
And as I prepare myself for the wave of sadness to embrace the love anniversary between a kind soul and a troubled shadowless man, and the death anniversary of that very kind soul that has shaped and made a major paradigm shift in my perspectives, my thoughts, my feelings, my worldview, upon this god-forsaken world, I knew it is impossible to grasp something that is inevitable.
If only you'd be alive right now, we'd be celebrating 2 years of friendship and love. I'd be planning something really special for such a kind soul like you. 1 year has almost gone, and yet here I am, standing, defending your throne, like the dark knight you likened me to be. 1 year has almost gone, and here I am, still thinking of you, trying to see a glimpse of you amidst the streak of sun that shines through the green canopy of leaves, struggling to hear your soft and sweet voice in the pitter patter of the morning rain, attempting to feel your presence by merely closing my eyes and pretend we were in that house in the meadows with the garden of roses you sorely loved. 1 year has almost gone, and yet, here am I. Even as I stand strong in the light of the sun, I cast no shadow. The only flesh that cast a figure of darkness is the heart that you gave, sincere and pure, virgin and untouched. The heart that I hurt all the time, the selfish knife that kept plunging in and out unreluctantly. And yet, there you are, smiling, crying, like a pure baby, only knew about love. Just love.
I am a broken man, my kind-hearted friend. Trying to piece back myself. And as the world began to play its uncanny evil plot of distrust and misunderstanding, I only have your heart that beats a thousand emotions of love and tranquility, pure and sincerity, as a beacon of hope to salvage whatever that makes me human.
I miss you, my kind-hearted friend. You use to listen to all (the word 'all' carries a probability of almost a hundred percent of possibility) of the things that I see, I hear, I feel. And there you are, stroking my head, like a mother, like a best friend, listening intently and laugh and cry together. You were the only friend that knew me through and through. The only friend that I've shared my wildest dreams. You'll chuckle at the immaturity, my imperfect reflection, and take it as a form of perfection.
Here is a song for you, albeit counting down the days till our love anniversary. Little Dian Farzanna Binte Zainal.
PS: I told ibu of my intentions of the maulid this 19th, of how I wish God would grant my wishes, give our family safety and paradise, and also, put you among the people of paradise. And she told me, she misses you too. She cried, a tear leaking from the corner of her eyes, disbelief by the fact that you are now gone. I thought I was alone, the only one who cannot accept your passing. My guesses are wrong. She says, she misses the way you talk to her. How soft you were. How sweet you were. And she keeps repeating that. I hold on to the urge of telling her to stop cuz it hurts. But instead I hug her. For you.
PPS: I saw a glimpse of you on one of the lights on the Indoor Stadium when Liam sang this line, "Cuz if I have to go, in my heart you'd grow. And that's where you'll belong."
Monday, April 06, 2009
I love Oasis.....
It was the most happiest day in the moment of any history written under my name. It surpasses my adventure with Harold. Way far away..
I wasn't even with my friends or relatives. I was surrounded by a group of people I did not know, I did not care, but there is something about them, the atmosphere, that makes an ideal happy setting.
I think it is called, unison in heart.
And as I closed my eyes, embracing, understanding, drawing the weird forces of energy emitted by the amps that blasted through the night, I saw myself reeled into space and time warps, the unison of soul and energy.
That was what I felt when I was participating in the zikr with Tuan Guru.
And I think the word for it would be 'zouk'.
I was in unison with the universe. :)
It was the most happiest day in the moment of any history written under my name. It surpasses my adventure with Harold. Way far away..
I wasn't even with my friends or relatives. I was surrounded by a group of people I did not know, I did not care, but there is something about them, the atmosphere, that makes an ideal happy setting.
I think it is called, unison in heart.
And as I closed my eyes, embracing, understanding, drawing the weird forces of energy emitted by the amps that blasted through the night, I saw myself reeled into space and time warps, the unison of soul and energy.
That was what I felt when I was participating in the zikr with Tuan Guru.
And I think the word for it would be 'zouk'.
I was in unison with the universe. :)
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Standing
I overheard an old man laughing as he was kicking his cans of beer littered on the floor."Its better standing and embracing rather than sitting and talking."
And as I picture myself standing before God, raising my two palms steady parallel, I found myself at a surrender.
"...and unto Him we surrender. (The Noble Quran, 29:46)"
And thus, I stand. I do not sit nor squat nor crawl nor walk nor run nor jog. Simply stand.
And believe.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Random
Im having a bad headache from yet another series of bad-befoul-disgusting-rubbishly-horrifying-nauseatingly-petrifying bad breath not just from the PRC's but also this idiotic Indonesian lad that perhaps replace colgate with his one-hundred-year socks.
Today I could not concentrate much at my workplace. Was thinking of blogging about the M2M race since Mr Fahmi successfully uploaded most of the pics, and most of the participants added theirs on Facebook as well, when suddenly Harold prompted me to blog about the definition of health-consciousness in the Malay/Muslim world. I think it is a perfect idea to blog about that, since it is one of the major concerns faced by the Malay people.
Im supposed to message my sms buddy, apparently she is fast asleep. Now I cannot sleep. And im too scared to run now, not at this hour. And the thought of bad breath is keeping me at bay. Sickening people.
If I would, I like to venture into the siwak business, market it in such a way that the product looks very modern, so that it can be an alternative for mentos, which scientist dub it the number 2 killer of sperm.
Haha. What nonsense.
PS: This is one of the rare songs released by Oasis in the album 'Standing on the shoulders of giants'. Listen closely to the lyrics. No wonder when Liam was interviewed by this american dude in 2000, and was compared to boybands like Westlife, he cockily replied, "We make REAL music."
So perhaps this is one of the real things about life. As per Oasis that is. Enjoy. :)
Is anyone here prepared to say
Just what they mean or is it too late?
For anyone here to try to do
Just what it takes to get through to you
So let's all make believe
That we're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we gonna need each other
Strangle my hope and make me pray
To a god I've never seen but who I betray
To the people who live the afterlife
And the place I'll never be 'til I'm crucified
So let's all make believe
We're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we'll need each other
Let's all make believe
That all mankind's gonna feed our brother
Let's all make believe
That in the end we won't grow old
So let's all make believe
We're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we'll need each other
Let's all make believe
That all mankind's gonna feed our brother
Let's all make believe
That in the end we won't grow old
Took this from an excerpt of Imam Al-Ghazali's 'Wonders of the Heart.'
Man's heart, as a mirror, is potentially capable of having reflected in it real essence of all things, and thus of coming to know them.
The reflection of knowledge in the heart may be prevented by one or more of five causes
1- the heart of a youth is in a crude unformed condition and is incapable of knowledge, just as a crude unpolished piece of metal is incapable of reflecting objects
2- disobedient acts tarnish and corrode the mirror of the heart so that reflection of reality therein is dimmed or destroyed
3- man may not know God because his heart is not turned towards Him, even as the mirror does not reflect the desired object unless it is turned towards it
4- the heart may be veiled to true knowledge by blindly accepting dogmatic teaching without understanding or thought
5- the heart may not even know in which direction to turn in order to have reality reflected in it
Man can polish and burnish the mirror of his heart by means of acts of obedience so that it will reflect the image of true reality.
Today I could not concentrate much at my workplace. Was thinking of blogging about the M2M race since Mr Fahmi successfully uploaded most of the pics, and most of the participants added theirs on Facebook as well, when suddenly Harold prompted me to blog about the definition of health-consciousness in the Malay/Muslim world. I think it is a perfect idea to blog about that, since it is one of the major concerns faced by the Malay people.
Im supposed to message my sms buddy, apparently she is fast asleep. Now I cannot sleep. And im too scared to run now, not at this hour. And the thought of bad breath is keeping me at bay. Sickening people.
If I would, I like to venture into the siwak business, market it in such a way that the product looks very modern, so that it can be an alternative for mentos, which scientist dub it the number 2 killer of sperm.
Haha. What nonsense.
PS: This is one of the rare songs released by Oasis in the album 'Standing on the shoulders of giants'. Listen closely to the lyrics. No wonder when Liam was interviewed by this american dude in 2000, and was compared to boybands like Westlife, he cockily replied, "We make REAL music."
So perhaps this is one of the real things about life. As per Oasis that is. Enjoy. :)
Is anyone here prepared to say
Just what they mean or is it too late?
For anyone here to try to do
Just what it takes to get through to you
So let's all make believe
That we're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we gonna need each other
Strangle my hope and make me pray
To a god I've never seen but who I betray
To the people who live the afterlife
And the place I'll never be 'til I'm crucified
So let's all make believe
We're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we'll need each other
Let's all make believe
That all mankind's gonna feed our brother
Let's all make believe
That in the end we won't grow old
So let's all make believe
We're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we'll need each other
Let's all make believe
That all mankind's gonna feed our brother
Let's all make believe
That in the end we won't grow old
Took this from an excerpt of Imam Al-Ghazali's 'Wonders of the Heart.'
Man's heart, as a mirror, is potentially capable of having reflected in it real essence of all things, and thus of coming to know them.
The reflection of knowledge in the heart may be prevented by one or more of five causes
1- the heart of a youth is in a crude unformed condition and is incapable of knowledge, just as a crude unpolished piece of metal is incapable of reflecting objects
2- disobedient acts tarnish and corrode the mirror of the heart so that reflection of reality therein is dimmed or destroyed
3- man may not know God because his heart is not turned towards Him, even as the mirror does not reflect the desired object unless it is turned towards it
4- the heart may be veiled to true knowledge by blindly accepting dogmatic teaching without understanding or thought
5- the heart may not even know in which direction to turn in order to have reality reflected in it
Man can polish and burnish the mirror of his heart by means of acts of obedience so that it will reflect the image of true reality.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
How people embrace ideas?
I was keen to discuss this topic due to a series of events that have unfolded. It could be a mere misunderstanding. However, I am not persuasive enough to accept the fact that people are not willing to accept their mistakes and furthermore, dig in further to reemphasize their stand on the issue. If the idea is challenging, be it rational or intellectual, it is highly considerable to accept it. But if there is a lot of emotional sentiments on both sides, I must beg to change the air.
Is it ego that drives human's emotional memory mad? Or is it simply the tough nature of survivability that creates a cloud of emotional and rational air, mixed, intertwined, and undesirably, flawed?
I was merely pointing out the relevance of watching an English game. I was pointing out how bad Man Utd played against Fulham, where I thought they should have played way better. I could also point out, how bad Arsenal play during the first half against Hull City. The point is, the objective of the issue is not about Man Utd solely, but rather, the anthropology of the game itself. Meaning to say, the variables are the teams that are playing, and the constants are the game itself. Take Arsenal as X, and Hull City as Y.
Arsenal plays a weak role in the first half, only picking at the second half with the likes of Samir Nasri pushing the game forward.
X = kY, where K is a constant.
I was merely addressing the 'K' and not the variables. Try read the comments again and again.
One point to note, the use of the word 'always' is an overstatement. If it were to be 'always', it bears a probability of 90%, almost less 10% stating that I fail to do so.
Is there so many occasions where I and Harold missed the gathering? Is there a 90% chance that I miss the gathering?
And is there 90% chance of the gathering conducted on my leave? I dun think so. I can think of several events that was made during my after work, and even so, the gatherings are held occasionally on weekends where everyone is not working.
And there is an irony among the comments. One of them noted that 'its tiring to plan and gets canceled'. Yes I agree. It was almost as tiring as how you cancelled the supposedly board game event that I was anxious to go after work standing almost 8 HOURS serving customers.
Why the over reaction? Why the sudden outburst of emotions? I believe it has come to the tantamounting point where all the truth is laid upon the wasteland. If that is indeed, your perception on me, on how I keep rebuting your ides, then I will not rebute it anymore.
I deem you not fitting enough to withstand a good intellectual conversation, as how you told me you are. The problem is, you cannot see yourself losing. You cannot shrug off that mindset of yours, to accept new ideas and concept. You cannot lose this feeling of always winning. You cannot accept criticism. You cannot argue your way out of situations. You think you are always right.
Well, I got critisized so much, the same person that noted the irony once asked me how could I withstand all of that pressure.
Simply because, I know deep in my heart im not perfect. I was indeed a jerk when I left Shasha clueless to her toes about the relationship. I was indeed the manifestation of idiocry when many of her friends cursed and befouled at me. I could have say fuck off. But I didn't simply because there are truths among the curses.
The problem with people is that, they cannot accept a change. And if they don't start accepting them, including me, we will never be good muslims. I stand affirm, unswayed, by my decision that it was not my fault that caused the occasion to be cancelled. I mentioned, I was ok with anything, I did not want to decide, the last occasion it was me who decided, so I think it is ok to push the decisions to another party.
It was not my fault. The occassion was called off immediately when you mentioned Fana had other plans. At that moment, you were disappointed. I remember saying, it looks like God does not wish for us to meet.
Why must you be so serious in the EPL matches? Do you gain anything worth your life if you support Man Utd? Do you gain wealth? What you gain is a mere happiness generated by electric impulses in our brain. So why must you take the game so seriously? If you are so devoted in it, it is better to devote yourself to things that are more relevant like, Palestine Israel Conflict? Things that carry reality. So again, why so serious in your devotion? Is it, fanaticism?
I am publicly apologising for everything. I seek to understand and engage. That's all. If it were to be like this, I am sorry, I will back out. I view you as the one woman that has the aptitude to engage in philosophy. A lot of women I met, are undeniably, superficial compare to your thoughts of the world, and thus, I have high regards for you, to an extend I invited you to my small quiet Maulidur Rasul at my home with close friends and relatives, an invitation of less than 30 people, for I treat you almost as close as a sister. You are indeed, a replica of me in your philosophical thoughts, and I learnt alot from you. You were there when know one else was. And I will remember this for the rest of my life.
Do know that I do all this because I am your dear friend. Best of luck.
Wasalam.
PS: University application all complete. Now to relax and continue texting. Hehe. :p
Is it ego that drives human's emotional memory mad? Or is it simply the tough nature of survivability that creates a cloud of emotional and rational air, mixed, intertwined, and undesirably, flawed?
I was merely pointing out the relevance of watching an English game. I was pointing out how bad Man Utd played against Fulham, where I thought they should have played way better. I could also point out, how bad Arsenal play during the first half against Hull City. The point is, the objective of the issue is not about Man Utd solely, but rather, the anthropology of the game itself. Meaning to say, the variables are the teams that are playing, and the constants are the game itself. Take Arsenal as X, and Hull City as Y.
Arsenal plays a weak role in the first half, only picking at the second half with the likes of Samir Nasri pushing the game forward.
X = kY, where K is a constant.
I was merely addressing the 'K' and not the variables. Try read the comments again and again.
One point to note, the use of the word 'always' is an overstatement. If it were to be 'always', it bears a probability of 90%, almost less 10% stating that I fail to do so.
Is there so many occasions where I and Harold missed the gathering? Is there a 90% chance that I miss the gathering?
And is there 90% chance of the gathering conducted on my leave? I dun think so. I can think of several events that was made during my after work, and even so, the gatherings are held occasionally on weekends where everyone is not working.
And there is an irony among the comments. One of them noted that 'its tiring to plan and gets canceled'. Yes I agree. It was almost as tiring as how you cancelled the supposedly board game event that I was anxious to go after work standing almost 8 HOURS serving customers.
Why the over reaction? Why the sudden outburst of emotions? I believe it has come to the tantamounting point where all the truth is laid upon the wasteland. If that is indeed, your perception on me, on how I keep rebuting your ides, then I will not rebute it anymore.
I deem you not fitting enough to withstand a good intellectual conversation, as how you told me you are. The problem is, you cannot see yourself losing. You cannot shrug off that mindset of yours, to accept new ideas and concept. You cannot lose this feeling of always winning. You cannot accept criticism. You cannot argue your way out of situations. You think you are always right.
Well, I got critisized so much, the same person that noted the irony once asked me how could I withstand all of that pressure.
Simply because, I know deep in my heart im not perfect. I was indeed a jerk when I left Shasha clueless to her toes about the relationship. I was indeed the manifestation of idiocry when many of her friends cursed and befouled at me. I could have say fuck off. But I didn't simply because there are truths among the curses.
The problem with people is that, they cannot accept a change. And if they don't start accepting them, including me, we will never be good muslims. I stand affirm, unswayed, by my decision that it was not my fault that caused the occasion to be cancelled. I mentioned, I was ok with anything, I did not want to decide, the last occasion it was me who decided, so I think it is ok to push the decisions to another party.
It was not my fault. The occassion was called off immediately when you mentioned Fana had other plans. At that moment, you were disappointed. I remember saying, it looks like God does not wish for us to meet.
Why must you be so serious in the EPL matches? Do you gain anything worth your life if you support Man Utd? Do you gain wealth? What you gain is a mere happiness generated by electric impulses in our brain. So why must you take the game so seriously? If you are so devoted in it, it is better to devote yourself to things that are more relevant like, Palestine Israel Conflict? Things that carry reality. So again, why so serious in your devotion? Is it, fanaticism?
I am publicly apologising for everything. I seek to understand and engage. That's all. If it were to be like this, I am sorry, I will back out. I view you as the one woman that has the aptitude to engage in philosophy. A lot of women I met, are undeniably, superficial compare to your thoughts of the world, and thus, I have high regards for you, to an extend I invited you to my small quiet Maulidur Rasul at my home with close friends and relatives, an invitation of less than 30 people, for I treat you almost as close as a sister. You are indeed, a replica of me in your philosophical thoughts, and I learnt alot from you. You were there when know one else was. And I will remember this for the rest of my life.
Do know that I do all this because I am your dear friend. Best of luck.
Wasalam.
PS: University application all complete. Now to relax and continue texting. Hehe. :p
Sunday, March 29, 2009
the M2M Showdown
It was one of my defining refreshing moments at the brink of embracing total undergraduate life. I swear I feel really good. Connecting to people of my age and intellectual capacity. Having fun just like my old JC days. Meeting new gorgeous friends and heartwarming dudes that spend at least 12hrs together yesterday was truly an event to remember. Not to forget, I met my JC friends there, senior and junior and ML excos alike, all of whom made my heart touched by the fact that their smile and sincerity in coming up to me and say hi goes to show many things- I am not forgotten.
So haha, im waiting for the uploads of pics from NUSMS and SIM MCS and from there I can blog. Damn fun la.
Harold, you're my best buddy.
Kk, kau nak yang gegar ke, tapi dia kafir, basted, perangai macam siak, atau Black Shark Ally kiter yang ade teks Mumbai, tapi dia alim, semua, cumer dia takot nak have sex? (assuming you get to have sex after marriage la dondeng.) Kalau kau tak pilih, kau jadi babi!
:p
PS: gosh im falling head to toes over this girl. :D muke unique kepe..
Unforgettable.. thats what you are...... haha!
And you are too dian. Unforgettable, though near or far..
Too far. :(
just too far..
So haha, im waiting for the uploads of pics from NUSMS and SIM MCS and from there I can blog. Damn fun la.
Harold, you're my best buddy.
Kk, kau nak yang gegar ke, tapi dia kafir, basted, perangai macam siak, atau Black Shark Ally kiter yang ade teks Mumbai, tapi dia alim, semua, cumer dia takot nak have sex? (assuming you get to have sex after marriage la dondeng.) Kalau kau tak pilih, kau jadi babi!
:p
PS: gosh im falling head to toes over this girl. :D muke unique kepe..
Unforgettable.. thats what you are...... haha!
And you are too dian. Unforgettable, though near or far..
Too far. :(
just too far..
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