[WALK OUT FROM A BATTLE, be brave haz..]

im back phoenix.. miss ya soo much.. i hate there.. its quiet, dark, and more.. i want to be wif u.. flying high up in the sky.. with flames trailing the air.. with songs of pure love..

very weak now.. felt bad i didnt told ma parents i went back skewl immediately i was discharged.. i need to go.. i must go.. i've been the one from the scratch.. i spent alot of time setting up this event wif tldds.. my hardwork and sweat.. all those times i practiced.. haish.. but now, i cant dance.. at least i cud sing ryte.. i hope..

im sick phoenix.. back to where im started.. all those times i thot i cud be ok, but its back.. evil is back.. and im weaken by this onslaught.. too tired ar..

fainted ya noe, after i taught tuision at Ain's house.. i woke up feeling dizzy and confused.. my father was there.. my mum was hugging me.. the time i was away in slumberland.. i was soo happy.. i was wif u.. flying here and there.. no pain in the heart.. no pain in my body.. my soul was a free kite.. i was wif an angel.. instead of darkness, i saw light.. an angel was wif me.. mummy says went i was semiconscious, i kept saying "ALLAH, ALLAH, ALLAH.." i wanted to be wif Him.. to be wif Him in a place of nowhere, where there's love.. happiness.. tears was pouring my eyes wen i was unconscious.. God, why didnt u take my life.. why did u put me back to this weak body facing cruelty.. not tat i want to gif upm God.. but i want to be wif u.. where i'll be loved by ur angels..

she wun forsake me..im loving angels instead..

i woke up, feeling so freaking weak.. in the morn, i saw myself in the same place 3years ago.. wif the same things on my mind.. same things in my heart.. haish.. here and back again, i dare say..

so it was the usual stuff.. not gonna tell ya wad happen.. my secret.. no1 must noe now.. my trust is gone.. and im back where i started phoenix.. so i say now, like i say 3years ago.. ~i'll be ok, i wun tell anyone, make ppl smile, make ppl laugh, and i'll be happy..pour out my love and care to others, and hide my pain and sorrow for others.. freedom will be gained soon, and i'll be strong, alone.. ppl die alone, so this is my path.. thorns here and there.. but i'll be walking it alone.. to God.. where He wud gif me blessings there..~

walking in a path of thorns alone is better, cuz angels will be there wif me.. holding my hand as i walk towards God.. Everything that is created, will return to God.. God, if tis is wad u give me, the pain.. I'll accept it.. Love me God, and dun hate me, cuz i haf no frens here in this world who wud love me more than u do.. u wun break ur promise, ryte God.. Love me pls, God, for im really weak and need ur love for me to continue my story.. protect me God, from the pain im feeling now.. make me strong God, for u're the only one who cud.. God, help me pls.. help me pls..

I'll be fine, phoenix.. and thanks to those who came and visited me.. so noce of all of u.. aish, noni, mira, ain, bik ita, cuzzie aizud and atiqah, and of corse, mama, papa, adeq najiy and nasrun.. and of course, abang anul.. i love u, abg.. i promise u i'll be a good brother.. i think its in pur blood that we receive pain and thorns.. we can make it, abg.. kat sini tak kekal, abg.. kat sane abadi, abg.. kat saner, kite ngan Tuhan.. tak perlu sedih nor sakit.. we'll be bless wif love we need.. we can do it, we're together in this.. u're always there for me.. remember, dat day wen sum1 took my bus card, but u took it back and gave it tome.. i was so priud to haf a brother like u, who cared bout me, but never say it.. but ur actions say it all.. words can be just words, abg.. but actions says it all, kan.. we can make it, abg.. wen u touch my head before u left me at that place, i was so happy.. cuz u really meant it.. saw the sincerity and love of a brother to a brother.. =) im crying now, im sori i was weak.. i wun let u down, kae..

and yes, thanks everyone for ur msges and tapping-shoulders.. i really need them.. bestfren, u'll always be my best fren...=)

im singing tmr.. lalala.. no mood to sing.. and yes, diana, if ur reading this, thank u.. thank u for giving me those hands to pull me up.. and ml boys nad gurls, especially adib, who is a very caring fren..

dearie, she came.. it was great fun, cuz i hafnt seen her for like decades.. tok like 2hrs, =).. i hope u now realise and believe wad im going thru.. and im nw eating ur biscuits.. hehe.. thanks for cumin.. really appreciate it.. still loving u and missing u.....

need to sleep now.. getting tired and weak.. bubyyee..

here and back again

i love u, dearie... forever...