[sum things to say at heart..]

hi. how are u? im fine. life sux ryte. ppl here and there, bullshiting bout other ppl, backstabbing other ppl. haish. i feel as though im used, well taken into advantage. yup, promise made, promises taken aback

God, wad did i do wrong in this life? uu gave me a very big test, but ppl dun seem to see it. dun seem to believe it. dun seem to accept it. accept me. ppl say sweet words just to loosen things up, but after dat, they went the other direction.

this heart hurts, god. it really hurts. and it pains and burdens me. not to mention wad im going thru, or, has been going thru.

This is to aish, if u are hearing this. im a beast. go away from me. i bite, tear ppl apart. ppl abandon me. put me away to a far place. isolated area. where im left with nuting but ruins and pieces of my life. thot Beauty cums by and brings back the prince. but she too abandon him. heard she's happy now wif sum1 else, wen beast has already fall in love wiv her. Beauty say sumting interesting though. made lotsa reasons to leave, promises to be kept. but wen she was finaaly freed, she left those words to the wind. gone wif the wind. haish. tears are streaming down my eyes rite now. i noe u can never accept me. for wad i am. for who i am. wen i was so sincere in everything i do, u left me for sum1 else. its ok. i noe, perhaps, this guy loves u more than me. more sincere than me. and u left. with reasons. lotsa them. still ringing in my pitiful ears. hurts me so bad. didnt mean to hurt u. never did, cuz i love u wif all my heart. gave u my heart. now i can't feel my heart. its gone. so pitiful, so pathetic i am.

pain is the only word i can describe. all my life, god, i was merely used by ppl, taken by their sweet words, but were poison. god, help me. help me. ples god. i put my trust on the line, now its all gone.

Promisies made and promises taken aback
i haf grown numb of it
my life, so full of those
lies
unsincerity
promises, made to be swee, turn out to be poison
killing me
slowly

these are ur very words, which i kept at heart. but now it seems unrealistically implausibly ironic.

God, forgive me. all i ask from u is forgiveness, and time. time had been a problem for me. if only i had the time, i may haf been smeelling the sweet smell of life.

u may not be mine here, but God, everyday i pray, i my sllep, in my prayers, after breakfast : Oh mighty god, let her be happy always. its her happiness that makes me happy. if she's not mine now, i'll wait till the day u bring all humans together to face ur judgement. dat day where i wud see her at the doors of paradise. if she is not mine now, let she be mine there, where it is eternity. God, forgive me, and those who took advantage of me, for they do not see ur Will, donot see the truth. God, i put my faith in u. that'll u will end my pain.

perhaps my death wud be a day u wud be convince. the day of my death wud be the day of ur happiness. its ok. trying to smile.

love u abg. nas, nad, bren, kamal. my four pillars of strength. my parents, the persons who love me purely. my jnrs, who made me laugh and cry wif me. share my pain, saw my pain there. u guys will always be in my heart. and i'll see u there, at Judgement day. where it is everlasting. insyaallah

Alevels, here i cum. still wearing my depression band. despiteit being broken twice, i still wear it. dunno y.

here and back again.