Somethings at heart..

We both know, its better if we just let it go.. (Taufik's single, ONE LAST)

Guess i just have to be honest. Like how my principal commended on how honest and open i am cause he never ever come across such student like me.

That was a different story. I tell ya later.

Im telling you the things i have in my heart.

Something i wud never tell to people.

My principal's voice still lingers in my heart.. "Hazlami, sometimes we have to share our problems with the world. Share it with others. Share it with your friends. What you say is true, that we cannot trust people so easily, but look at us. You are telling me all that u have kept in you. Is this a trust between a teacher and a student? I believe so. Then comes another question. Why me? Why must it be the Principal you trust when even your bestfrend you cud share it with? I must answer that. For i am older than you, and u know that i have come across a lot in life. I know what you are facing, and i acknowledge your bravery on that. But believe me, even sometimes heros need comfort."

That was it.

I am inspired by his words.

He was like a father to me, and he even arranged to have lunch with me in term 2 when i'll show him my good grades for common test.

Then again, somehow i realised something.

I am Hazlami.

Anak kepada Zawawi.

And i must be proud of the bearer who gave me that name.

Not to let you down.

So i must say, "Fuck chemistry. Fuck Physics. Fuck Maths. And of course, FUCK MALAY!!! (aku dabis pon kene buat melayu, bodoh siak!!).


WHy do i say this??

Coz i have to learn to "LOVE" them.

Wahlau.

Chem oklar, tapi MATHS??!?!?!?!?!

Mampos aku. Mesti kene screw ngan mak bapak. Fucklar. Tapik, aku think that i have to think skewl as " A POINT OF INTEREST"???

What the hell????

Oklar, hazlami, aku raser you can do it.

Mr Tan (my principal) says "I hope that wen you get your A's, you'll remember this time, our dialogue. Then you'll know how it feels like."

And yes, i promised him i'll study hard.

Mcm lagu Taufik Batisah : In my mind, i can climb, all the mountains that surrounds me..
My spirits there, where eagles dare to fly.. In my heart, there's a spark, that can light the world around me.. An open door where i am sure dreams are.."

Oh ya, telupa tipah tetipu aku.

Sebenarnya, aku kene jumpe Pengetua bcoz i always pon skola hahaha..

Yelah, im naughty ryte.. haha.. so naughty till i caught in my own shit haha..

Summore si Mickey Tan tu nak jumpe mak bapak aku, confirm mati.. so takpe, aku kene tabah..

Counselling pon ok.. Tadi kene jumpe Ms Josephine Liao bebual batang ngan dier.. Ckp pasal masalah aku.. Turut accompany diri yang fana ini ialah air mata yang bercucuran.. Sedih.. Tak penah aku nangis depan seorang counsellor.. haha..

Anyways, ader lagik satu aku nak berbincang..

WHAT IS LOVE??

Piar dosti hai, kata Shah Rukh Khan. Hahaha, memang benar kata2nya..

Tapi, pada diri ini..

Cinta itu sesuatu yang indah, yang perit. Sesuatu yang sukar untuk dicari. Jika ia hilang, maka susah unutk hati itu dikembalikan.

I know you are reading dis, dearie.

Do you know that you are so special, coz i can't deny that you would go to the extent to wait fer me till i find my heart that was broken..

Indeed, i must admit, that since Hazlami is honest, i'll tell you..

When i found love for the first time in my life, i never felt so much happier. First love is always hard to forget. A love so unconditional, i dared say. Betul tak best fren??

Love made me go crazy. I did a terrible thing. I hurt the person who loved me so much. I didnt appreaciated her love. I was drowned by my selfishness and self-esteem, till i forgot how much does it take to love someone. I was wrong. I guessed the beginning. But i didnt expected the ending.

Now she is far away from me. So far that i know, the once love we both cherished was gone with time. And to tell you the truth, i felt so hurt. Betul tak nadiah? I called my bestfren even, to tell her how i feel, how hurt i was. I wanted to end the pain. The thorn in my heart. Not thorn, but actually the emptiness in the place that once stood a pice of me- my heart.

However, some part of me didnt want to end it. The emptiness yearns for the heart to come back. I picked up a few pieces of it, but i guess some of it is left with her.

And do you know what was it that was left with her? It was her teardrop. Yes. Her teardrop. Her teardrop when i hurt her. The teardrop when i was in ill-spoken situation. The same teardrop that warmed my very soul. And that teardrop carries one thing. Love.

Asmaradana. Kemuncak cinta. Haish.

Love is great. But i did a mistake which i didnt intend to repeat it.

What i need is time to find the pieces of my heart back so as to continue my journey.

That's why i am a phoenix.

Arjun rajawali.

The legendary bird.

Who flies here and there, in search of something that can soothe its soul.

That can stop it from singing somber serenades.

Love it is.

Pure love.

My abang say, "Pure love is where you love someone without asking the return favour."

Piar. So complex. Not for a person as complex and sophisticated as me.

Piar. So beautiful. Not for a person as ugly and beastly as me.

Piar. So painful. Not for a person as weak as me.

[Dan niat suciku takkan disiakan.. Dan di suatu masa.. Di hari yang indah.. Kuhulurkan tanganku.. Lalu kau, terima..] (Suatu masa from MNASIR)