blargh...................again.

Tired. Confuse. No matter.

Life has always spat me, kicked me.

And neither you nor I understand dat.

People say, nah, everybody feels dat too.

But, let me ask u a qn.

How do you know its the same feeling, if, God creates us differently?

Where some people laugh, others cry in pain.

Where some people smile, others weep softly in their sleep.

No such thing as, " I know you, alah, its normal lah, i feel it too yanoe."

Describe it then, i challenge you.

I wun list all the shit i've been thru, its btwn me and God, for He puts me in this for a REASON.

Yes mira, finally i use your Wise Words, haha.

And i know the reason.. ... ...

Dear me,

You use to say, that love is for everyone, happiness is for everyone, and the need to share the love and care is greater than the satisfaction you need to fill in ur heart. Well, I think its a total crap.

Why?

Bcoz i dun feel the happiness. And in my eyes, i saw many whom i love fall in pain and sufferring.

Bcoz i dun feel love. When you say, everlasting true love exist, well, it doesn't.

Think about it, time is short, dere is no such thing as everlasting love.

Except... ... Love to Almighty God, parents, and TRUE frends.

A husband can be your true friend. But looking at the divorce rates, i dun see it appearing often.

People suffer from heartbreaking. I suffer it too. Does that make us similar?

No. The situation is same, but the feeling will always be different.

Cuz pain in the heart can never be describe by people. Give it a thousand philosophers. But none cud ever define the feeling of pain.

You felt it too, u know. You saw and fall in love for the first time in your lofe a girl, who was eating her way thru her lunch.

You saw her, and the you heard the first time ever the heartbeat of a human.

You fell for her, you tried every means to be with her, but, pity pity.

She left. And when you gave your heart to her, she left.

Oh, it feels like such fun until you lose what you have won. Your fav song ryte? Haha.

And now, you are empty.. E.M.P.T.Y
Like a hollow stone. Like an apple without a seed.

How can you love? And i saw you, fidgeting in your sleep, crying like a baby, boohoo. Foooyeee. Cry baby.

You cried in the toilet. At school. You smiled at others, yet meekly inside you felt so empty. You felt pain. Excruciating pain.

Where's the love, when you yourself say that, what, oh, "Love is when you love someone and never ask the return favour." What crap. Stupid.

But look at you, empty nutshell. Yet you still went thru the pain, along with the other pains you suffer all these years. And strong as can be, you stood up one morning in the toilet in the YOU-KNOW-WHERE, and said, "Hazlami, stand up please. Come on, you can do it."

And what did you do? When you felt so weak, you stood up and walked towards the counter and told the nursey "Im ready to go home."

You are strong, brother. But weak you'll still be, cuz you are empty, now you gave that woman your heart. Not that i blame her. Its life ryte, like you say. And she deserve a 'better' man than you.

Haish.

Listen to me, my dearest sister. The pain you feel is killing you. You are still walking on the boulevard of broken dreams. You still are in the realm of pain. And its hard to forget, let alone hate the person you really loved most. Let me tell you something, Love is beautiful, but it is also a monster.

You have to be strong. You must tell yourself, "I dun need him. Im me. I have lots of other loved ones to think about. Ya, you played me. But why must i need you, when you don't need me? Why must i feel this way? Is this me?"

Then smile, syg. Smile. Never underestimate a smile. Even if you crying, smile. It makes you stronger. Stronger than the person you are in now.

When he's ard you, yeah, you'll feel the pain again. But think again, he's not worth the tears. You keep those tears when you clutch your dreams in your very own hands.

And i'll be saving my tears for that occasion. And i'll walk away from the commotion, when you are jumping in tears, i'll walk away.

Why? Cuz i'll be crying and smiling, and thinking that hey, i feel your happiness, and im happy for you, and the thought of that will prompt me to walk away from the scene.

Just like an angel, who protects you, but when his job is done, he'll fly away, but still, his wings will shelter you from the rain.

Like what i did when you got your results. I left. I left when you are feeling the highest among the clouds. But i left not to disappoint you. But to make you even happier. Coz by the time you look ard and saw that im not there, it'll make you realise something. That the person that cares you the most walks away, but he still putting his love on you, and you dun feel the pain at all.

Instead, you feel happy.

Now that's love. The love for God, parents and frens that never dies. When the leave you, they put you in their hearts. And you dun feel the pain. Instead, you feel happy.

And then you'll cry.

Laugh, smile, cry, who knows, there's no tommorrow.

If you feel lost, ring me a bell, and the fireman will save you.

Yours Sincerely.
Mr Fireman.

PS: just wanna say, im glad i have people like Nadiah, Brennan Buddy!!, Nas blood brother, My lil sweetie pies Mira, Noni and Ain, and kamarul bro. You make me smile.