The Bottomline

Dis is hazlami speaking.

The person. The original writer of dis blog.

THE ORIGINAL.

Peeps out there noe me, either liked me or hate me.

But hey, for those who liked me, im fine wiv it, we're having fun times together.

But for those who are at loggerheads at me, this is the bottomline.

THE BOTTOMLINE.

Im getting sick and tired of dis bullshit. Jason, you hurt my buddy Ariff. You try to ruin my life.

You are in Singapore. My homeland. And you're dead. Simple.

How bout dis. Be a gentleman. Meet up wiv me. One on one. Just you and me nigga. No men ard me. No one. Jz you n me. A cup of coffee. Sit down and have a chat. No violence, no nothing, jz me n u open table.

I dont wan anyone to be involved. Jz me n you. Simple?

If you have the balls to hit my Ariff, you have the balls to threaten my life, den of course you have th bloody guts to meet me one-on-one.

If you don't meet me, the nxt weekend, dis weekend im nt booking out cz im on duty, but nxt weekend, 14 n 15 july, give me a call.

Here's my number.

whoops, im not dat stupid. Reply me at my email. If you have the balls. If not, i guess you're nothing but a wussy.

Hahaha! A fish wussy who doesnt have the balls to meet the writer himself, n picking on others rather than the Original.

Yeah. Words can be jz words. We talked on theth or 15th, period ryt?

And to the rest, i dun give a shit. In fact, i wun let dis affect me or farz or anyone. I hv my frens, my clicks, my buddies, my men, my farz, my family. And i have God the Almighty wimme. N so im not afraid.

My dad use to say to me, " Dun be afraid if you're righteous, and dun let others affect you, for God is always with those who are patient."

And so i will be patient. Biar badai merempuh, adi idup, adi nglaban.

And yeah, abt the tagboard, it is an old tagboard like, 3 years of age, so i guess the time and system isnt working, sumtimes i tag the dates got all mixed up.

What i learnt from Ex Semangat Bersatu was that never believe in technology, haha.

I duncare what others think. If you're wif me, den you're wimme. If not, get lost, suck thumb, cuz i got the beauty chick not cz of my charms or my sense of humour, but cz of fate, trust, and sincerity, which i daresay, lack in many men who seeks lust from poor gullible gurls, and not a pure heart.

The end of the world is very near. Lust is everywhere. And so lacks the genuine of a men.

Men who have sex with multiple women, and married couples which in turn, destroys yet a beautiful bond of trust and love.

Men who seeks women cuz of their ego n to boost their confidence.

Men who is selfish, opprtunis, and yet, a failure to the human chain.

Where goes men who fight for their loved ones?
Where goes the men who fights for truth and honour?
Where goes the men who defends the weak?
The men who upholds moral truth and ethics?
The men who justify justice as selfless for others?

My father is such. And so is my grandfather. N i believe it goes up to my grandfathers grandfather, and so on.

And i wun fail them. I will carry on the teachings, and principles of my kind.

N let other kinds be as such to their own perspective. I dun care.

Cuz in the end im the one who will be answering in front of God for all my doings in life.

And there justice will prevail.

I never like to make enemies, i love humans as my own. If you think im your enemy, its ok. Cz i dun think id make you an enemy.

As the prophet Muhammad SAW went thru such pain in life, i shall do it too.

He never gave up. Ppl hated him, threw stones, go to war, wanted to assasinate him, and such. Ppl threaten him, he made lots of enemies.

Yet he made good frens, followers till the end of the days.

And he forgave them, and cz of that, ppl who hated him liked him.

He is a forgiver, n so i shall too.

And farz is real. How do you define real? How do you define reality?

5 senses? Nah..

To me, what defines real is the faith. The believe to love. And what if she is real? What if i post a pic of us together? Does that sent a signal to your brain, and from your eye, you make a judgement to your brain, and say, yes, she is real.

Then if thats the case, you dun have faith in god.

Can you see God? Can you see angels? Of course, if you're gonna die you'll see the angel of death, and that'll be too late.

Your mind is shallow by the will of your 5 senses. By the flaw of logics. And yes, if i cud say such, how to say wen im in camp?

4SIR does not have internet, im sorri to tell you.

See? See how shallow the thinking of humans like yourself?
Be free my friend, you may see a wall in front of you, feel it, smell it. But if you expand your mind, beneath the wall, beyond it, you'll see the world.

Haz loves farz now and forever.

Fell in a coma.. Was unconcious for few days.. Got discharged from hosp on fri 21st june.. Still recovering.. Darling haz is away with his unit on a joint military exercise with the Msian Army from 27th June to 29th June.. Misses him lots..

TO U GUYS N GALS OR WADEVA SHIT, MY HAZ IS FROM 4 SIR N HE IS CURRENTLY IN A JOINT EXERCISE WITH MSIAN RANGERS IN SINGAPORE.. DOES THE JUNGLE HAS LAPTOPS OR WADEVA SHIT FOR HIM TO BLOG OR TAG? I DONT THINK SO.. PLEASE USE SOME THOTS THINK B4 CONCLUDING.. IT WOULDNT HURT UR BRAIN TO THINK MINIMALLY FOR A WHILE..

Seems that this blog has created such a furore among sum individuals.. Would like to emphasise that this is a personal blog between myself n haz.. If u have nthg constructive to say, buzz off.. This is not ur domain.. For e record, my hubby haz is a stay in personnel in an active unit.. Would be ridiculous if its him taggin as if he has nothin better to do.. I assume e recent tags r from gals.. U knoe wad gals? Try signin up for e army n u'll knoe wad army life is like.. I dont even think u knoe wad stay in n active unit means. Basically no life.. Period.. If ur concerned bout us, appreciate it if u get in contact wif haz instead of taggin.. Ur stoopin to e same low level as some dudes did.. THAT would be much more professional albeit less misunderstandings etc..

Haz got me fair n square.. N we loved each other.. Wads so diff for all of u to understand.. FYI, im in Australia n he's in Spore.. We're apart physically, seperated.. Naturally we'll exploit every means of contactin n updatin each other.. N this blog is one of em..

U think i like being in this situation? Not being there for him vice versa n not being able to do wad most couples do? U guys n gals make me sick.. Like im not sick enuf.. Wad idiots n dimwits some ppl can be.. Wadeva!!

Farz Loves Haz on 28th June 2007...

silent prayers

God, are you testing me..

For i feel dis heavy burden you place upon my weak shoulders once again..

I have never felt dis pain, dis so powerful pain before.. And now my angel is away, all I have left is my own soul, a heart that is beating for me, you God, my family and friends dat supported me..

I feel dis knife of sadness in me.. I cudnt sleep, all the time worried dat I might not be there for her wen she wakes up, or she is in critical condition..

I do not understand the alma tears that kept flowing from her eyes despite her being in sleep.. Is she having a bad nightmare... She must be strong.. And for that to happen, i must be strong too..

Tmr i'll tell my oc wad im facing, maybe he got solutions to it.. For i must say it wud take more than courage to face dis, especially having to juggle work, family..

Perhaps dis is wad my mum felt wen i faced dis too.. all the time worried for me.. haish..

All i ask for you God.... Is to not separate us.. She has a pure heart.. Dun take that away from me, after you taken my pure heart away before.. She is the only person dat loves me so much, dat she wud be affected by everything dat happens to me.. Perhaps she feels wad i feel.. Thou we are far apart..

After 2NTM, i told myself dat i'll go there n see her.. I'll get the authorised papers to go.. n the money to go.. perhaps u bring ariff along too..

I wanna see her.. i realli do..
_______________________________

Farz... dun leave abang.. ayang pls dun leave me.. how can you be not here, if you are in my heart.. how can you be not strong, if you never gave up on me.. face your fears honey.. face it w faith in god, in me, in u, in ur family dat are always beside you.. abang may not be there beside you, soon i will, but im here in your heart.. find me there.. like how i found u in my dreams last nite.. how you cried in the corner, n how i hold your hand n told you to be strong.. how you hugged me..

Ayang.. abg is fine.. jus a bit bruises here n there.. but ayang.. im so worried about you.. i miss you..

the way you smile at me.. the way you msg me everitim i didnt reply you, "abaaang.." how you play hard to get w me, how you console me everitim im having a hard day at work or at home..

i miss you... so much...

N i love you... I love you farz...

n i'll wait for you to wake up, i promise....

pray for my farz.. she is very sick.. she is in a coma.. to all my dear frens, n perhaps my foes, i beg u..

pray for her, to all religions and races.. pray for her..

im broken without her.. i feel so lost.. so much pain.. so much remorse.. so much guilt..

i cant live without her.. god pls..

Allah Tuhan ku.. Zat yg Maha Penyayang.. Kasihanilah diri ini yang fana lagi hina.. Sesungguhnya aku tiada daya dan upaya ya Allah.. aku hanya mampu berdoa.. Zat yang maha penolong, berilah pertolongan kepada ku.. Dengan setiap dugaan telah engkau coba diri ini, namun ujian ini tk mampu bagiku untuk memikulnya.. Berikanlah kesihatan kpd wanita yg ku cinta ini dgn sejujur dn seikhlas hati.. Namun jika dikau ingin mengambilnya, masukkanlah dia bersama2 mereka yg bersabar.. dan matikanlah hati ini untuk mencintai yg lain.. dan hanya menunggu ketibaan dikau mengambil nyawaku dn bersatu kita bersama.. Ya Allah ya Tuhanku.. Aku ini hina.. hanya makhluk mu yg kerdil dan tk berupaya.. Ubahlah nasib kami ini ya zat yg menghilangkan segala kesusahan..

dengan berkat segala amalan ku, berkat kemuliaan Rasulullah, ibubapaku, guru-guruku, dan sahabat-sahabatku, berkat ku hadir dlm majlis besar maulid rasulmu, dan majlis2 zikr dan tasbih dan salawat.. berkat ku menolong ibuku dan menyayangiku.. kau berikanlah kami kesejahteraan, dan kebahgiaan, dunia dan akhirat..

i love you farz.. yesterday, today.. n forever.....

Abang?.. Ayang here.. Im in the hosp now sweetheart.. Im in the ward alreadi.. Im restin for e moment before the stupid docs start the checks and so on.. I wanna msg u, but i dont wanna disturb u sayang.. Ur gonna be in the jungle, training.. Must be havin a lot of preparations.. Cant be selfish and keep contactin u as much as i wanna.. Miss u sayang.. Loads and loads of love.. =(

Haiz, i feel so sick here alreadi.. Seeing all these sick ppl, the smell of medicine makes me quesy enough.. Luckily im in a single ward so im not disturbed or perturbed by any unsightly events here.. Ruz, thanks kak.. Thanks for being here wimme.. I love u kak... Haiz....

My Lord, I must survive.. Im strong enuf.. I'll look fear rite into its eyes as i always have.. I'll face fear and subdue it... Oo Lord, where's the warrior princess in me??.. Where's Lady Farz from the House of Syvel??.. Where is she in this dire moment when i needed her counsel most??.. Oo Lady Farz, falter this not.. Fulfil your oath to me once again... I summoned u and the Riders of Syvel!

Now is the hour to come,

Riders of Syvel, daughters of Damra!!

Foes and fire before you,

And your loved ones far behind..

Yet though you fight upon a foreign land..

The glory that you reap shall be your own forever..

Oaths ye have taken! Fulfil them all!

I need to fight this battle.. I must survive.. I must be strong... I must win it.. For my sake, for haz and that of my family.. I have lots to accomplish.. Lots to do.. Lots to see.. Lots to learn....

Mourn not Farzanna!..

For your Riders are here..

To fulfil their oath once again..

For the mighty will not fall..

When the mound is raised..

The women shall never weep..

For they shall be your standard bearers in battle..

For war now calls upon us!..

Its been long since i donned my battle gear.. Now i have to wear it again for my own decisive victory.. So help me God.. I'll survive sayang.. Ayang'll survive.. I love u sweetheart.. So much.. So very much.. Muacks...

Farz Loves Haz on Mon... 110607...

Kinda having a rough patch with haz past week.. He's been stretched busy n tired at work.. N i keep buggin him.. Led to probs i guess.. Perhaps its jus me, wantin him but i cant... Had some quarrels but make up eventualie.. Thank God.. I jus hate it wen he becomes a monster.. Cuz wadeva im tryin to say to him is not being "received properly" by him and his words tend to hurt me.. Lots... I knoe im not dat perfect and i knoe it takes two hands to clap.. But now, all is well, thank god.. And we're both smittenly in love now... Muacks!...

Well, wad can i say.. Erm.. My parents are in Msia now n my sis ruz is back wimme.. Apparently they're invited to attend PM Abdullah's weddin.. His new portugese-descent wife is a very very very distant relative of my mum's side.. Not realie close to Auntie Jeanne.. But well, off they went.. Hmm.. Not realie comfy wif the fact that he remarry again.. I knoe that perhaps its fate but its jus that he said realie love his 1st wife Endon.. N he stil loves her but he's fallin in love with another.. I mean wad e hell.. Thats not true love to ur !st wife isnt it? I dunno lar perhaps its jus my own principles in life.. Once i gave my heart to sumone, i cant love another.. N i mean it.. Haz should knoe wad im talkin bout.. Muacks!

Haiz.... Okae lar okae lar.. Wadeva it is, Selamat Pengantin Baru to Auntie Jeanne n erm Uncle Abdullah??.. Hurhurhur..

I gave him some of my piano music pieces that i played before when i was practising music.. Dont realie knoe how to put it in the blog, perhaps i leave that to my hubby.. Can sayang? Sayang abang.. Hmm.. Well, he loved my music good n was sayin that im so multi talented.. Im not baby.. Im not.. Maybe its jus dat my interest is there sweetheart.. I hope he puts it in his mp3 player, so he can listen to my songs anytime n anywhere.. N im in his thots..

=( Missed u sweetheart..

His family jus came back from a trip.. Think they went to Jakarta n Dubai if i could recall correctly.. N it seems that the whole family is sick now esp his mum.. Hope she's okae.. N my poor baby nasrun, my cute-lil-sexy-to-be-hunk-when-he-grows-up.. Hurhur.. Get well fast kae dear?.. Hmm.. Well, my darling has been tendin to the family's needs.. Cookin, washin etc.. So nice of him.. Wish im there wif him. I can help him out with e chores.. Perhaps it could be a feel of wads like if we're married later.. Hurhur..

Haiz.. Missed u sweetheart.. N ur goin to jungle for 3 days n 2 nites from Mon onwards.. Take care sayang.. Ur always in my heart dear.. Well, past days i have been cryin a lot.. Feelin kinda sad.. Cause i hafta be warded on Mon evening at the hosp for sum cardiovascular checks, tests n wad have u.. Tsk, im fine!.. Im okae!.. Why do you insist that i must get back!... Im strong!.... Sob... Abaaanng.... Ayang Scared.. Ayang Sad.. Ayang feelin lost n lousy.. Ayang hate goin to the hosp... Its a jail for me sayang.. A jail!... Even if im not sick, i feel sick there.... =(

I promised u i'll be strong sayang... I will.. Im strong... I will survive... So help me God.. Take care sweetheart.. Love u loads... I'll love u always... Muacks....

Farz loves Haz on Sun... 100607...

Sayang,

Im sorie that i have hurt you.. I didnt mean too sweetheart.. Im sorie that ayang did not do wads expected of me as ur gal.. I too feel upset bout it now..

Abang, ur my very first and last companion in my heart.. And you know that i mean wad i say.. I will not accept any other guy.. I cant live without u sayang..

I'd rather die than to not be with you...

God... I love you so much Haz...
Cried when i was playin this song on the piano...

Embun di pagi buta..

Menebarkan bau asa..

Detik demi detik ku hitung..

Inikah saat ku pergi..

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia..

Berikanlah aku hidup..

Takkan ku sakiti dia..

Hukum aku bila terjadi..

Aku tak mudah mencintai..

Aku tak mudah mengaku ku cinta..

Aku tak mudah mengatakan..

Aku jatuh cinta...

Senandungku hanya untuk cinta..

Tirakatku hanya untuk engkau..

Tiada dusta sumpah ku cinta..

Sampai ku menutup mata...

Cintaku sampai ku menutup mata...

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia..

Berikanlah aku hidup..

Takkan ku sakiti dia..

Hukum aku bila terjadi..

I love you sayang..

Gue akan senantiasa cinta kamu..

Muacks!

pain

im in pain..

"Fighting all the demons will take time.."

I got to heal fast.. cuz i feel so much pain i've never felt.. angst, sadness, it perturbs me..

I had to do it farz.. Im sorry.. Its the only way for you to realise how beautiful you are, n how much u need to love yourself first before you could love me..

Im none but a person with a black hole.. Empty like a vessel.. Thou i may seem to be cheerful and full of crap.. Haish.. I guess no one would ever understand how i think, how i feel..

There's more to abg then what ayg may think i am..

No matter what, I'll always love you, n i'll wait for you..

Hope you're reading dis, n the songs dat i wanted to pass you are all here for you to hear.. take care dear..

You seem to not understand what i meant by live in moments..

Someone taught me dis wen i was in jc1, she told me that life have to be taken a step at a time, and wen u live your life per day basis, things wud be better sumtimes..

She is quite true, but i'd rather live in moments that take my breathe away..

Let say, we are having a sweet time together eating ice cream.. I make that moment last forever, n it becomes more than a memory, a powerful patronus dat becomes a guardian..

And so, whenever im alone, in the woods, or mountains, tired and in stress, in need of an angel, all i need is to relive that moment, and it wud be enuf to make me smile that'll cheer me up the rest of the intense day.

Live by moments.. We have the power to choose which moments we wanna crystallise it to be a shell, so that whenever we feel so defenseless, we seek shelter from such shell, in that small confine space of shell, we find happiness that thou temporary, enuf to make us happy or smile..

It makes us stronger, or weaker..

All i need from you farz, is the understanding of this philosophy. This might just make us stronger...

Im always thinkin of you, day n nite..

Kau tercipta untukku farz, dan aku takkan hilangkan perasaan ini, kerna ia amat bangat sekali istimewa bagi ku. Aku tidak mampu menulis ia menjadi kata-kata, tapi hanya mampu ku suntik ia dalam irama bayu yang selalu meniup di mukamu pabila kau renung panjang di luar kamar..

Percayalah, kerna sesungguhnya hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu isi hati ini..

Its either we grow stronger, or we will fall. Its your choice. Thou im still angry, im cooling down.. I wanna make it happen ayg, n i cannot do it alone..

PS: i dunno wad to say alr. :(

smitten... :D

im having the life of passion n fun n love...

cuz my girlfriend did something none ever did in my entire life...

SHE BOUGHT ME A HARRY POTTER BOOK!!!!!!

And its the LAST SERIES!!!?!!

and i n u noe... dat mr hazlami here.. its a god damn fanatic freak of harry potter...!!!

Im like living my life with magic see..

If u look deep in my brain wen im like stoning or sumting, im nt picturing sexy hot ppl in jerseys, but im picturing myself having a wand in my hand n can wish for anything...

ANYTHING- thats a very likeable word, dun cha tink? haha..

I can just apparate to the mama shop, n back, or fly myself with a firebolt to orchard rd, or bring farz to sit with the moon n stars..

Or i can conjure myself two hands so dat they cud massage my backsoaken pain at the spine..
haha.. dream on loverboi..

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

Hahaha. im so high i can fly like superman n spin a web like spiderman, throw fire like torch, or zip my way thru like flash hahaha!!!

Im singing in the toilet again... :)

Mwah! U deserve a gd treat! :)

Gona take leave when u come back n spend like a week wiv u hahaha!