[JuSt TiNkIn..HmM..]

putting a post now.. dunno wad to say man.. dammit!! like my brain got clog up or sumting.. haha.. like REAL..

okok.. i read aish blog and she say sumting bout ppl change very fast or so.. hmm.. am i suppose to rebute and share my opinion or just shuttup? haha.. u guys noe me ryte, always wanna share and give like SANTA CLAUSE (and i hate tis particular santa clause appearing in this commercial on channel 5- damn Santa, he was f*ckin horny man! the girl whip 'sumting', then that bastard pulls his damn bushy eyebrows.. YUCK u piece of old shit.. dah tua tu buat hal tua.. aku tau ko buat amal jariah nie, tapi aper nie pompuan sebat pantat ko huh? aku sebat nak? kasi sebat kude kepang kang bau tau.. muahaha), LIKE REAL gitu.. haha..

anyways, like KEANE says in his song, Everybody's Changing :

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

so, wad im trying to tink is dat, ppl change, yes, even God says we hafta BERUBAH, betol tak guys?? (lebih baik korang agree, kalo tak, na'as ko..) but hey, i still the person i am..

take a metoforic example, take me as a plasticine (i noe i spell it wrong, so wad? nak kene bantai? muahaha).. it doenst matter how u mold me.. cuz im still a plasticine, the same substance ryte.. u can mold me to be a MATRIP or aper2 ar.. but still, inside, which is more impt, im still wad i am..

ppl must understand.. haish.. leceh ar nak kasi org paham.. pasal tulah aku simpan alasan jer.. hmm..kk

u must understand how weak i am before, the weak hazlami who tends to depend on others, and after dat, he will release the full blow of his beast.. and the shit part, I CAN'T CONTROL IT!!! its like, total annihilation, only ma closest frens noe dat.. and i noe, during the period of onslaught, i wud hurt ppl so much.. haish.. for dat, im really sorie..

now u noe why i need to change.. to put sumting to contain my beast inside me.. sumting like the beast itself.. only a nice beast.. a friendly beast.. the image u c and wad im potraying now is the nice beast itself.. so dat the beast inside me wun hurt nobody.. i noe, i suck at everything dat i do.. im a loser, a hater, a shithole, and all the shit piece modaf*ucking substance in the whole galaxy.. im a jerk, btw.. but im trying not to.. i dun backstab ppl.. and i hate it wen i hurt ppl.. i wud feel so shitly guilty.. so i'll ask God if the person wud forgive me, and that person wun achive all his or her dreams to the fullest.. im not the type dat wud just forget everything.. i do remember, the time i got hurt, the time i felt love for the first time in my life.. and hey, first love never leaves ur skin, u noe..

i've been dreaming of u lately.. sumtimes u're so far away, sumtimes ur depress.. i can feel it in my soul.. but wad am i suppose to do? i can't even contact u, nor wud i noe whether u still treat me as a close fren.. i dunno wads goin on, but do u wanna noe sumting? eversince day1, i've been putting ur name in my prayers, my DOA's, dat u wud be happy always, wherever u are, and ur safe DUNIA and AKHIRAT.. dat ur healthy nd safe.. dun believe me? i tink u dun.. but hey, ask God if u dun believe.. he wun tell u straight away (we are not prophets, u noe.. kiter cam setan gitu, malaikat pon benci hahahha), though.. but u'll noe, sooner or later.. dat im very sincere in wadever i do.. and i only ask for forgiveness and understanding.. im feeling pain now, btw.. but im trying ever so hard to come to my senses, "Hey haz, be urself ok? be strong wo.. i noe ur hurt.. but try ok? i noe ppl will never understand u, never will.. they may say they understand, but they dun.. but, yepz, they did try rite.. and u shud appreciate.." i noe, i suck.. but i just need chances.. everybody makes mistakes, and i hope ppl wud forgive me..

and yes, nice talkin to ya, best fren, on the phone.. it was like, 3hours???? from 11.30 to 2.30am?? siak ar.. lagi terok dari matair hahaha.. (tak semestinyer ko leh angkat aku ar? pi pi pi pimampos!! hahaha...!

and one more thing.. phoenix, i feel i lost ma vigour.. help!!!! :(

here and back again... love ya