Didnt go to work today.. Had diarrhoea and vomittiin after last nite's dinner.. I ate somethin spicy on an empty stomach.. Doctor told me i had gastric flu.. Ate medicine.. So drowsy now.. Yawnnn... My sleepiness level is bout 70% now..

You see, i went to work yesterdae at bout noon.. Told dad i'll be going to work late.. I do ate my lunch kae bie?.. I ate egg n chicken sandwich.. Cause ayang got no appetite lar dear.. Aniwae, i gotta rush doin my work.. After work, i told dad i wanna go to e hair salon, wanna doll up my hair.. Told hubby haz.. He wants me to take a picture of it!.. I did it after dinner.. Then... Wah... My stomach realie hurts damn bad uh.. Felt nausea, like wanna vomit.. N somethin's churnin in my tummy.. Doll up, put some make up, wear a sweater.. Pose... Click! Save it.. Send to haz's email.. Off to e toilet! Bluuueeeek!! (vomits) Felt not so good.. Called hubby haz for comfort.. Aniwae, he went home to slp last nite n book in today.. So hapie!.. Told him i send my pics alreadi..

Then he says,

"Wow.... Stunning...... Hmmm... Ayang, very nice.. But maybe u shud "dress down" a bit?"

"Huh? Wad u mean?" i asked..

"I dont knoe.. Maybe its ur hair? Or ur pose? Or dat sweater? Its hot n sexy but... This is like a model photoshoot uh"..

Haiz... Okae... =( i did it all for u tau bie... Eventho, i was like kinda sick.. I still do it for u.. Nvm uh.. Hmmm.....

Well, since im not working, i can spend sometime wif haz.. Was just on the phone wif him just now.. U knoe wad? Apparently, this naughty and playful boy met some mishap.. U see, he was kinda hapie and excited goin to the pool for some army swimming session, i think.. Wad happen was, this hubbie of mine, jumped n splashed in e pool without realising wads beneath it.. In e end, he landed on some steps in the pool wif such force on the sole of his feet.. Tell me, do u feel geram or not? Aiyoh.....

Tsk.. Bie, u uh.. can u not be so playful not uh?... N u didnt say a prayer before goin inside or before u doin somethin.. See! See! now u cant even walk uh.. On crutches.. Wanna laugh, its not funnie.. But then.. It is a funnie accident.. Even ur OC laugh.. HurHur! Okae okae.. Ayang wont laugh kae.. Haiz... Bie, take care of urself lar pls.. How cam i not get worried bout u... =( Tahan e pain kae sayang? Ssssssssshhh.... Ayang here... Muacks.. Since ur havin mc for two days, today n tmr, i'll spend time wif u kae..

As of now he's in NUH doing x-ray n seeing a doc.. apparently its swollen n painful.. Hope everythin's fine.. Sayaaang abang... Abang strong!! Okae okae.. Gotta go.. Check up on him now.. He's waiting for my call..

Ps: God, i pray dat my haz will be fine.. Pls protect him from danger and harm.. Pls look over my hubbie.. Dont let him get hurt, if it has to be, i'd rather u lemme take his place..

Farz loves Haz on Tuesday.. 21st August 2007..

Dreaded poison in flesh

Wad a bomer.. Having to report back to camp.. The feeling is totally eating me.. I feel lyk shit.

I dun wanna go. For the first time in my whole life, i really feel like not wanting to come back..

Army took alot from me instead of me gaining from it. My back still hurts. N it takes away alot of my time, precious time.

When i was praying, i told God in my prayers, to make my dream come true.

Dat is to be with my farz, n spend time with her n our family.

Haish. SOC haven clear yet.

I dread doing it. It has always been lyk dis. Thou i dread it, i noe dat i can pass it, but still, its like the most toughest obstacle in the army.

The swing trainer brings back lots of memories.

But if i clear it once n for all, just one shot, i'd need not bother about it. EVER.

Till the day i collect my pink IC.

_____________________________________


To do list for the month of August, week 3 of the month.

1) report my back problem to my MO; but before that give Ariff a call and ask him for some advise

2) wanna make a dental appointment to extract my wisdom tooth (if i have) so that by next week i wud be able to extend my leave from monday

3) if there is SOC, clear it and face it like a true man

4) smoke out the whole week so that i wun get any arrows from anyone

5) clean up my locker

6) able to go home and slp at home n report back to camp the early morning

7) love farzanna more n more :) mwah!

8) try not to do anything stupid

9) ask around whether renewing of passport can be made in the weekend

10) get some stuff mizan owe me by this weekend

11) have fun as much as i possibly can with frens

Thats all. I miss you baby..

shh.... she is asleep now..

All for you honey..

Dear phoenix,

Gosh, im beginning to love her more and more..
and everytime she is not here, i feel the pain in my heart..
Is it true, that if you lost your first love, if your lucky, you could have the same feeling again with someone else?

Perhaps because she is the Chosen One? Is that why im feeling like im loving for the first time in my life? :)

Im loving it, all of it.. For my heart is complete now someone loves me more than ever.. :)

WHAT A SUPRISE!!

Haha.. got a great suprise today..

And it came at the wrong time [shh.. *smilez*]

Its our 5th minth anniversary, and all i thot was today is a special thursday haha..

My mum knock on the door, on the 16th August 07, 0910HRS, saying that there is someone outside the door for me..

I was on the phone with farz at the moment having our delightful privacy and i was kinda shocked cum pissed, but since the thot of the parcel im receiving today kicks in, I rushed out, only to find my mum in tudong receiving it..

I, with my unkempt hair n shorts n army singlet signed the paper.. i was freaking shock!

It didnt look like a parcel..

It had cold moisture on this big box with a word, 'SWEET SECRETS'.

My only thots was where is the parcel, is it in a cake box? haha. Idiot.

Den I open it infront of my mum n nasrun..

WOA!!

A CAKE!!!

WITH A PICTURE OF HER!!!

AND A SENTENCE!!!

"OUR SWEET MEMORIES"

"5TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY"

Aww.........

That like struck me deep down to the deepest deep deepedy heart of mine...

I wanted to cry but tahan hahaha..

Then my mum kept asking, i thot your birthday is in September?

That was a blow.

Cuz it stated there '5th month anniversary'.

Haha.. Oh oh...

Then I tried to cover up, but the whole family saw it already..

Mum said, "Happy Anniversary!"

Dad said, "Sedapnyer.. Kat maner dia beli? Gambar dia boleh makan ke tak?"

Hahaha...

Dian Farzanna binti Zainal

Welcome to the Zawawi Family!

Im so smitten n happy n jumpy n laughy n super duper go!!

Im so happy!!!

Thanks to my darling, ariff, ruz, n everyone!!

Now its my turn to return the favour..

Here are some pics of it, i'd sent more of it later..


_______________________________
Dear phoenix,

I feel so touched n loved today..

Like someone is so lovely n sweet enough to sent me a cake planned for a month with a PICTURE of that lovely face which cost 69 bux not to mention the delivery n effort..

Never in my entire cosmos did someone buy me a cake.. Mum make cakes, or i buy them for the family..

But never someone special buying me a cake..

N dis is just our anniversary.. My birthday is coming!! Haha!!

My first time im looking forward to celebrate it!!

Cakess....

wee..

chocolate yummy delicious mushy gateau eyes rolling tempers flaring cakes!!

Wee...


big MMMMMMMMWAH!!!!





PS: I love you. Period. :)

Are guys that perfect enuf to understand gals then? Its okae lar.. Its a never ending debate that commenced centuries ago.. Yesterday, i was a bit upset.. Had a bloody day at work.. Dad brought me to his office n asked me to help him do his calculations plus accountings.. Great.. Haz went off with his buddy.. Glad to knoe that he's enjoying himself.. But he doesnt realise that, i was lookin forward to end my work n jus be wif him.. Talk on e phone n comfort me.. In the end, he was busy playin games, msged him but he asked me to slp first.. Fine enuf.. Since he didnt reply, thot i'd slp.. Msged him dat im slpin.. At bout 1130 plus, he called n msg me askin me to pick up my calls.. Felt one kind.. I dont wish to talk bout it.. Didnt realie went well last nite.. Couldnt even slp.. Ammar had wind in his stomach n he jus wants me not my sis or mum.. Fine, i'll take care.. Worse still, he kept crying n crying.. Was jus an emotional n mental torture.. Jus got 3 hrs of slp before im off for work..

Shit still happen todae.. Decide to forget bout wad happen yesterday wif haz.. Try to get over it.. Work was like fuck today.. Everythin seems so wrg n i jus cant balance e accountin papers.. Is it because of my lack of slp? Or the unfinished biz? When work ends.. I thank God for it.. Lookin forward to be wif haz.. Misses him lots todae.. But he told me he's goin to jb wif his dad to visit a sick relative n so cant call me.. It was like a blow to me.. Its okae.. Nvm.. Keep calm.. Keep cool.. He needs to go.. Its alrite kae farz?..

Then i told him, the package's gonna come tmr morn.. He told me he has chalet.. Another slap on my face.. Thot wanna spend time wif him before he start work cuz i havent been wif him.. Fine, its okae.. Control.. Let him enjoy his time wif his frens.. Look, tmr is a special day n i wanna give him a surprise.. Its our 5th month anniversary.. N i tried to do sumthin sweet.. I thot dat day will fit cuz initially e chalet was supposed to start on tues n end on thurs.. Its like a god-send! i thot it'll worked out well.. He'll receive it wen he jus came back from chalet.. Wanna make him smile.. But... Last min, everythin is known and informed last min to me! .. Im in a foul mood now.. Nothing seems to work.. Didnt get to talk n haf a decent convo wif him for two days.. Yea so what? U say we talked everyday.. Try to understand dat i had a shit day n was lookin to be in ur arms for comfort.. But since u cant, its okae then..

Btw happy 5th month anniversary.. Dont see why it shud be kept as a surprise animore.. Everythin like goes haywire.. Im cranky now.. Need to slp.. I dont haf enuf slp.. Nite.. Take care..

Ps: Like i dont miss u.. I dont even knoe wad u understand if u dont understand bout me.. Kept sayin.. Tak tau uh.. Tak tau uh..

Farz was disappointed today 15 August 2007..

Take this ship n sail away..

I do not understand why.. Why must u be so?

I have to, u noe i have no choice in a lot of matters.. but haish.

I tried, again n again, but still, it remains a mystery to create something dat u believe.

The believe to have someone to be understanding and patient.

I noe that you had a hard time at work, but perhaps pushing me away was the least thing you cud do.

Why can't it be like, you tell me wad you face, n I'd be the listening ear. N in the end we share the burden n love each other, treasure each other more.

Its never impossible. Its hard. But its not impossible. Its probable. Only if we try.

I feel bad. N guilty. N i'll bring this guilt to wherever place i go. N even tmr when i wud like to pull my hair down after a month of duty n exercises to just chill by the beach w frens, laughing at jokes n singing by the guitar, i wun be enjoying all this.

Cause i'd bring this guilt. Guilt becomes pain. Pain becomes poison. Poison creates negative misconceptions. N hence becomes mistrust. Misjudgement. Miscommunication. Jealousy. Hatred. Anger. Pain. More pain.

Perhaps even though i've seen n been through it before, but its very unexpectated. and it wud get worse if both parties never do anything.

Just like what happen before.. The very dejavu..

I can feel, perhaps, taste the feeling again...

Wanna go into a ship n sail away to find my doom among great oceans.. :(

An outing worth remembering

Haha.. Yesterday night was super fun thanks to the likes of Mr Incredibe Hamizan haha.. It was lepak brudder, i called him he just woke up, den i ask him, "eh nk kluar tak?"

Apelagi ok set go!

We went to heeren's temankan dia beli jam fossil dia yg mahal nk mampos.. its like 160 bucks ah, n dat fickle-minded alien kept saying, "I shud have bought the other one." Frankly speakin, though his one is a flipping watch, n it can change its straps if u collect them, i still think the other one is nice haha..

So the two of us walked down the street of Orchard rd, looking for adventures like no other.. Went to pray at Al-Falah, den took pictures outside the mosque..

There's dis humongous poster outside the mosque depicting the Prophet Muhammad SAW principles, achievements both socially, economically and politically, philosophies n more. Great novelist like Jane Armstrong, philosophers like Gandhi, saying their positive views on how the Prophet had influence the modern day world with simplistic terms and ideas, logic n reason, of the submission to One God, the support for brotherhood and the Nation of Leagues etc. There is one saying that caught my attention; He doesn't bring his ideas with the blade of sword, but with simplistic methods that changed the world..

Haha.. Damn nice lar.. Diana msged me n asked me where i was, i told her i was at Al-Falah with Mizan.. den she was like, "Where got mosque in Orchard Rd?!"

The poster outside the mosque had the answer.

" 1400 years ago forewarned about the future of Human life and the Environment on Earth."

Hahaha, there was like a list of all the warnings during the Prophet's lifetime, n now it is already showing, kinda make the non-believers wonder ryt how true the messenger is..

There is a warning about this, n i told mimi n we laughed haha.. Semua org tau pe ade masjid kat orchard, ni nampak sah selalu lepak kat town tapi tk penah solat hahaha..

While waiting for that woman, we played the CALL OF DUTY 3 on XBOX 360 at HMV at The Heerens (mizan is a gamer, n i like games haha). Dia dah smpi, tapi kita buat endah je haha, basted giler seh, org tu tunggu lama kat bawah asek call my hp, n there were we playing the demo like nobody's business haha!

Dah jumpe, temankan dia pi SMU where she got sum meeting, den suddenly we got lost haha! We thot like nk check out SMU kan, skali sesat all thanks to mizan ah, haha.. we walked like forever, till we saw the National Library.. Mak datok, we at bras basah rd lar, dekat bugis! Kata nak pegi the Cathay sey haha.. so we decided, fuck it, we go see2 at bugis.. den we took a train back to city hall, n go to the lan shop beside burger king and played Battlefield haha till lyk, 11.30pm?

There was a few hiccups with my girlfriend regarding dat, cuz i was too engrossed with playing games dat i didnt msg my gurl, n she was kinda mad at me.. argue abit, but hey, takde argue tkde cinta pe haha..

I saw the 700 express bus and gave a run. Mizan ensued, but at the brink of taking it, he stop me and say let it go. I was at shits end. WTF?! skali he say, eh we can take the night rider pe..

den i say lar, ade ke kat sini?? i dunno any bus stop for my area ah, accept for somerset there. Takkan nk jalan all the way there. Conflicting ideas lead to total catastrophe. Hahaha! Lepak siot.

At last we gamble take the mrt. Hoping shit dat the end at Jurong the mrt to the west line is waiting for us. Thank god it waited.

So we talked n talked. He dropped off at Bukit Batok. Then i was thinking, now like 12.30, ade ke LRT?!

Naseb baik LTA pandai tak bengap.. Last train to the area is well-versed and followed up with the timings of both LRT n MRT. Pandai...

Got home, bath, check mail, n sleep.... ZzZzZzZzZzZz



________________________________________

Next day woke up with a pain at the head. Suddenly got an idea of lepaking at mizan crib, since his parents not ard, can play his computer haha!

Word of Wisdom: There are something gals can never understand about guys.. Alienation. Period.

-haz misses farz on 150807 @ 1238HRS

I do not know why, but im feeling so sad today.. I thought waking up from a sleep wud put it all away, but even in dreams it haunts me like the devil..

N wen i woke up, i switched on the com n my fingers typed in, 'Shine on- Jet'.

Playing such a sentimental sad song early in the morning makes ur heart bleed.. But I wanted it, i think, let it bleed, let it feel the overwhelming pain, its been so long since u never felt this pain before..

Everytime tears start to well up in my eyes i fight them, not wanting to let it out. Is that ego? Or just strength?

Im none but a poor soul, imperfect, stained piece of cloth dat where a layer of white paint is used to put the stain away.. I try my very best in being there for her, at her very moment where she needs me.. But I don't know what she wants from me.. It was simple- be with me, i need you. Maybe im not good in cheering people up.. Haish.

So sad. So sad. So so sad.

:(

-haz

Those Promised Paradise.

(Stories of the Sahabah)

by Noura Durkee.

Had read this book sent to me by my dearest bro, Abang Arif who's in S'pore.. Thankiu! Well, at least i have somethin to do while hubby haz is busy at work.. Muacks! Okae, this book is adapted by Noura Durkee, an American.. I'd dare say that she's a learned western woman scholar in Islam.. She and her husband became Muslims in 1970 while in Jerusalem.. For the love of Islam, she studied Arabic and Islamic Culture at Um Al-Qura University in Makkah and attended the Kamel Ibrahim School of Islamic Calligraphy in Alexandria in Egypt.. A writer and a lecturer on subjects on muslim education, comparative education and social life in Islam.. She and her husband founded a mosque on 10 1/2 Charlottesville Street, US.. Would jus like to share on wad i've read, the stories of Rasulullah's Sahabah.. There's 21 Sababahs in her book (volume one).. But i'll jus pick a few to share.. Here goes..

Saidina Abu Bakr As-Siddiq

This most honoured of the sahabah was a well known and well liked merchant of Makkah.. For years, he had been seeking a better religion and way of life than he found among his relatives and tribe.. He was not satisfied with Judaism and Zoroastrianism and Christianity that sometimes he encountered among the other traders.. He refused to believe in idol worship.. He, and a few others kept looking for the original Way of Makkah, the Way of Ibrahim (A.S.)

When he learned that his good friend Muhammad ibn Abdullah has been selected by Allah as his Prophet, Abu Bakr believed him immediately and without question. He held fast that belief always, im everythin that Rasulullah said and did.. He brought people to Islam through his absolute conviction, and he gave his life, his fortune and his family to the service of Islam and Rasulullah..

Throughout his life, Abu Bakr was Rasulullah's best friend.. Whenever Rasulullah needed anything, he tried to supply it.. As Islam grew, others were eager to serve and to help, but Abu bakr remained Rasulullah's closest companion.. He was the chosen one to make the difficult escape from Makkah to Madinah with Rasulullah.. He was the one who undertook the leadership of the Muslims after Rasulullah's death.. He was known as "As-Siddiq" which means the great witness if the truth.. He was a truth teller and truth seeker..

In the early days of Islam, many people refused to believe Rasulullah.. They called him a madman, a poet, a liar.. Even his new Sahabah who had accepted the faith, did not always believe everything.. One night Rasulullah experienced Mi'raj, during which he saw and experienced many marvellous things, before returning to Makkah.. In the morning he told people about this.. Many of them could not believe it.. How could a man travel so far in one night? Impossible! They thought it must be a dream or an tale.. Some people went to Abu Bakr and told him what Rasulullah was saying about his journey and asked him what he thought.. He simply said "If he said it, it's true.. Why are you surprised? He tells me that news comes to him from Heaven to earth in one hour of the day or night and i know he is speaking the truth.."

Once while Rasulullah was praying in Makkah, one of the kuffar named Uqbah came and put his sheet around Rasulullah's neck and squeezed it tight.. Abu Bakr came quickly and pulled Uqbah away and said "Do you intend to kill a man just because he says, 'My Lord is Allah' and has brought clear signs from your Lord?"

Along with the other early Sahabah, Abu Bakr's life was so closely intertwined with that of Rasulullah that his story is one long history of the growth of Islam.. Ammar remembered, "I saw Allah's Messenger and there were none other with him but five slaves, two women and Abu Bakr." From that, he went to being the leader of hundred of thousands of Muslims..

Abu Bakr is remembered for being the gentleman, polite and generous.. He is also remembered for the unshakeable love for Rasulullah and even more of Allah.. Abu Bakr used to read the Quran in public, his reading was so heartfelt and sincere that it brought people to Islam.. As a result, the leaders of the Quraish forced him to confine his reading to his own garden beside his house.. However, people could hear his voice over the garden wall, greatly frustrating the Quraish..

If Rasulullah said something was true, that was all the proof needed for Abu Bakr.. If Rasulullah said something should be done, Abu Bakr would see it done, no matter what.. Rasulullah appreciated his friendship and service and rewarded him in many ways.. One of the greatest rewards was his gift of companionship and time.. He visited Abu Bakr's house nearly everyday.. When it came time to emigrate to Madinah, Abu Bakr asked permission to go.. Rasulullah suggested that he wait, as he might have a companion.. Abu Bakr knew what he meant and had two fast camels put on a good diet in preparation for the trip..

On the day the two men left, A'ishah, Abu Bakr's daughter, saw Rasulullah coming at an unusual hour.. She saw her father get ready and watched the two flee from Makkah.. They came upon a cave, within which they hid, staying there for three days.. At one point of time, their pursuers came as close as the entrance to the cave.. Seeing their feet, Abu Bakr was frightened and alarmed, because he feared for Rasulullah's life.. He assured him "What do you think of two persons, the third of whom is Allah?" Indeed Allah showed them the paradise on the backwall of the cave, as if it opened oout into the garden and all fear was gone.. The trackers went away as well.. The next day, they proceeded on the way to Madinah..

Once Rasulullah said, ''The person who had favoured me most of all, both with his companionship and wealth is Abu Bakr.. If i were to take a closest friend other than my Lord, i would take Abu Bakr, but what connects us is Islamic brotherhood and friendliness.. All the gates of the masjid should should be closed except the gate of Abu Bakr.. Likewise when a woman asked Rasulullah what she should do if she came backto him and found him gone (dead).. he replied, "If you should not find me, go to Abu Bakr"..

One day, Umar and Abu Bakr had a quarrel and Umar refused to accept Abu Bakr's apologies.. Abu Bakr went to Rasulullah to ask for forgiveness for his quarrel.. The sahabah was careful to resolve even the smallest of matters, because of their fear of Allah.. So, Rasulullah asked Allah to forgive him twice.. Then Umar appeared searching for Abu Bakr to forgive him.. Rasulullah looked angry eventhough Abu Bakr said the fault was more of his.. Rasulullah said, "Allah sent me to you people, but you said, 'You are telling a lie,' while Abu Bakr said 'He has said the truth' and consoled me with all his resources." Then Rasulullah said twice, "Wont you then give up harming my companion?!" After that, nobody ever dared harmed Abu Bakr..

Almost daily, Abu Bakr and his wife Umm Ruman welcomed Rasulullah into their home.. Their little daughter, A'ishah, knew him as the most respected and beloved friend of the family.. When Rasulullah's dear wife Khadijah died, he became very lonely.. Someone suggested that he marry A'ishah.. They were engaged when she was young and married later.. Abu Bakr was Rasulullah's father-in-law as well as his closest friend..

Once Amr ibn al-'As asked the prophet, "Who is the most beloved person to you?" Rasulullah replied "A'ishah." He then asked, "Among the men?" Rasulullah replied, "Her father.."

Rasulullah loved Abu Bakr very much.. Once he was describing how people would be called from the many different gates of the Garden if they did different things, such as fasting or praying.. Abu Bakr asked, "Will anyone be called from those gates, O Rasulullah?" "Yes" replied Rasulullah, "and ihope you will be among those, O Abu Bakr."

Much later, when Islam was growing and the Muslims of Madinah wanted to make the Hajj to Makkah, Abu Bakr proved himself again.. The Muslims had travelled peacefully as afar as Hudaibiyah, a valley near Makkah.. The Makkans said they would fight them if they proceeded further.. After days of waiting and negotiation, a truce was written and signed.. To many Muslims, the truce seemed to be a defeat to Rasulullah.. He seemed to have given in on a lot of points and because of this, the Muslims were very upset.. Umar was very upset and went to Abu Bakr to talked about it.. Abu Bakr calmly said.. "Hold to his stirrup, for by Allah, he is right!" Of course, the truce of Hudaibiyah turned out to be one of the greatest benefits to the Muslims.. It led to years of peace during which many people could travel Makkah safely.. It eventually led to the conquest of Makkah and the satisfaction of all the Muslims' demand.. Abu Bakr understood and rightly trusted Rasulullah..

Towards the end of Rasulullah's life, he became too ill to lead the prayer.. He told A'ishah to ask Abu Bakr to lead the people in prayer, but she said, "O Rasulullah, Abu Bakr is a very sensitive man, not strong of voice and much given to weeping when he recites the Quran..'' Rasulullah repeated firmly, "Tell him to lead the prayer.." A'ishah then suggested that Umar should take his place.. "Tell Abu Bakr to lead the prayer.." A'ishah tried to get help from Hafsah, but Rasulullah silenced them both.. "Tell Abu Bakr to lead the people in prayer.. Let the blamer find fault, and let the ambitious aspire.. Allah and the believers will not have it otherwise.. " Many believe that in his choiceof Imam, Rasulullah chose his successor..

Abu Bakr's even and compassionate manner often saved the peopple from extremes.. This was best demonstrated when Rasulullah passed away.. All of Madinah was in turmoil adn the people did not know what to do.. Abu Bakr was in the other end of the city when Rasulullah seemed to be better, died.. He came quickly on horseback and found Umar insisting to the people that Rasulullah was not dead.. He had misinterpreted a verse of the Quran and believed that Rasulullah could not die before them all.. Abu Bakr went ti his house,and drew back his cloak that had covered Rasulullah's face.. He gazed at him, kissed him and said, "Dearer than my father and my mother, you have tasted death which Allah ahs decreed for you.. No death after that shall ever happen to you.." He drew the cloak over his face again and went out to the people

"Gently Umar!" he said, "Hear me speak!" the people began to hear Abu Bakr praised Allah saying,

"O people who has worshipped Muhammad, indeed, Muhammad is dead.. And who has worshipped Allah, indeed, Allah is living and does not die.. Muhammad is but a messenger, adn messengers before him have passed away before him.. If he die or be slain, will you then turm upon your heels? Who turns on his heels will thereby do no hurt to Allah and Allah will reward the thankful.." (3:144)

The people heard this verse which had been revealed after the battle of Uhud and it was as if they never heard it before.. Umar said afterwards, "When i heard Abu Bakr recite that verse, i was so astounded that i fell to the Earth.. My legs could not carry me.. I then knew that Allah's Messenger had died.."

Soon after Rasulullah's death, the Ansar decide to hold a new chief from among themsleves.. Hearing of this Abu Bakr, Umar and Abu Ubaidah went to them.. They found the Ansar praising themselves as the fighting force of Islam and talking of choosing a leader from among themselves.. Abu Bakr spoke to the people.. He complimented the Ansar on their greatness in supporting and defending Rasulullah adn the immigrants.. However, he tried to explain to them that in the present situation, the Arabs would never accept anyone who is not Quraish to lead them, because the Quraish were regarded as the best and noble clan of the Arabs.. He said that the Ansar were the ministers and the advisors and one from the Quraish must be the leader..

The Ansar said, "No, by Allah, we wont accept this.. There must be a ruler from us and one ruler from you.." Abu Bakr replied, "No, we will be the Rulers, and you will be the ministers.. I offer you one of these two men, pledge your allegiance to whichever you will".. An argument began, but Umar quickly said, "O Ansar, dont you know that the Messenger of Allah ordered Abu Bakr to lead the prayer?" They replied "We know it!".. "Then which of you willingly take precedence over him?!" shouted Umar.. "Allah forbid that we should take precedence over him!" said the Ansar..

Umar grabbed the hand of Abu Bakr and gave his allegiance to him.. "Our chief and the best among us and the most beloved of all of us to Allah's prophet.." Abu Ubaidah, the other sahabah, and everyone in the room came one after another and gave their pledge to him as well except Sa'ad who had hoped to be the new leader..

After the funeral of Rasulullah, Abu Bakr made a formal acceptance of the Khilafat:

"O people! I have been chosen as your ruler, but i have no claim to be the best among you.. Obey me only when i do good, but if i go astray, put me on the right path.. Truth is honesty, and lying is dishonesty.. The weakest of you is the strongest to me, as long as i havent restored his rights from others.. In the same way, the strongest of you is the weakest to me so long as i havent taken away from the rights of others.. You should keep in mind that the nation which gives up the struggle in the path of Allah becomes wretched and disgraceful to Allah.. When the evil deeds are everywhere in a nation, then Allah puts it to grief.. You are to obey me only when i obeyed Allah and His Messenger.. If i disobey Allah and His Messenger.. Then it shall not be required for you to obey me.."

Therein, this kind and compassionate man, whose own daughter found him too soft hearted and soft spoken took over the leadership of the Muslims.. (as narrated by the book itself..)

Ps: I love you dear.. Hope your read this sweetheart.. Muacks..

Farz loves Haz on 120807...

Jus watched NDP with darling Haz.. He watchin tv at home, while im watchin it online.. Quite a spectacular success there, i must say.. Although its a bit irritating cuz the video download streaming means i onlie watch wad had happen a sec or two later.. Missed Singapore.. =(

Dear dear, thanks for watchin wimme yea?.. Muaacks.. Sayaang abang.. Love u so much..

Still cant stop laffin from wad we talked earlier.. The kitchen n cookin thingy.. Hurhur.. How can u smoke me on cookin sayang?.. I knoe it best lar.. Hurhur.. Confidently he say, put this n dat, ingredient by ingredient.. Until.... The daun pandan thing! U blew ur cover!! Hurhurhur.. Abang abang... Cute lar u.. Muacks.. Okae okae.. I keep quiet.. =p *still giggles*

Ps: Okae, i wont restrict u fm the kitchen lar.. But remember, dats my domain.. =p
You can cook lar kae.. But tell me first b4 u cook can? Need to standby some po-chai or charcoal pills for u n me.. N Pepsi? For the love of God.. Dont buy the pepsi chicken recipe from my darling.. Hurhur!! ABANG, I LOVE U!!!

Farz loves Haz on the day of the Independence of S'pore.. 090807.. Yet Again.. =)

National Day

Happy birthday Singapore!!

Let the flags fly!

Woops, i aint seeing any flags among my estate here in Bukit Panjang. That's a pity.

We are having a big birthday bash at Marina Bay! Damn cool, i tried to bid the tix but it was all sold out.. Wish i cud see it, its v nice u see, once in a lifetime at a floating bay.. The only time i've been to a parade was during my 5th year in primary sch.

Last year, me aizuddin ain and syafiq not to mention pilot lover salihin went opp cliford pier to see the fireworks at the Padang that year.

Kinda cool to see the planes.. wish i was among them, but yeah, im a malay, n so the chances are as slim as my groin hair hahaa!

Love u darling!! mwah!

PS: I LIKE COOKING kae!! Who say cannot cook chicken with pepsi har? Soon after dis publish i hope the pepsi company wud buy my idea of a chicken pepsi recipe.

WHO WANTS TO TASTE IT?

Im back.. Just had a phone convo with hubby haz.. Yea, i have brought it to the next level of communication since im ready now.. Have been callin him everyday actualie.. N i think he kinda get addicted to it.. Hurhur.. Kinda funny actualie thinkin bout our very first convo.. At that time, i jus got discharged from hosp.. My throat was still sore, cause of the tube that they force down my throat to help me breathe when i was in coma.. Wad happen was my throat was very sore that i kinda lost my voice and it was very very hoarse.. I didnt think bout that actualie wen i called him.. Wen i called, haz thot it was a prank call and was negatively affected hearing a hoarse voice.. Bloody hell.. Hurhur.. Yea, but all is well now.. He says i have a sweet and "serak basah" voice which he apparently loved it.. Now then abang say! Hmpf!..

Well, i kinda promised hubby haz that i'll continue bloggin no matter wad happens, few days ago.. Kinda miss bloggin "phoenix" too.. Saaayang dia.. So here goes.. Lots of stuffs have happen actualie in this lull period of hiatus.. Hmm.. For starters, there'll be a new addition to the family.. Mum and Dad will be adopting a pair of baby twins! Nice uh!... I have been taking care of em since like a month ago? Have been very attached to em vice versa.. Its kinda sad that their parents chose to give em away.. They're my neighbours actualie.. Husband an aussie, while the wife a pan-asian.. Apparently, they said it "came at the wrong time".. WTH.. We're talkin bout two young souls here.. Cmon lar.. Tsk3..

So wad happen was, they had to be outta town, so me n my sis kinda volunteered to take care of em.. So cute, they neva fail to make me smile.. =) As long as im around, i'll take care of my babies.. Hope the adoption process is fast enough.. Damn those paperworks.. Hurhur.. Well, life has been kinda well with those two gems.. Deeply in love with them.. Okae, lemme introduce my new loved ones.. The first one is baby Aaron (Its Amir now).. Meaning thriving, prosperous, a leader "Amirrul Mukminin", born a minute and three secs later, introducing baby Abrams (now Aamar).. Meaning intelligent, great builder.. Actualie, takin care of these two is damn tiring and demanding lor.. I kinda feel haggard takin care of these two lil monsters.. Luckily we can take turns to watch over them.. For eg, I'll take care of them in the day and my sis will take care of them at nite, while my other sis will be used as standby.. Doing the dirty work, diapers n poo etc.. Yuck! Hurhur.. It rotates liddat.. But lemme tell you wad i personally feel, its worth it.. Since the parents cant be bothered bout them.. I'll take care of it.. Like wad my dear haz said, they're like a piece of white cloth.. N its upbringin will add colours to it.. If we do well, it'll either be a great piece of colourful fabric or it will either be a rug of dirt.. Takin care of those two realie puts me in a world of motherhood sia.. Everythin is bout babies n babies n babies.. Shagged... But, i loike! Hurhurhur..

Well, last two days my sis kinda asked me if i would wanna do sum charity work, n guess wad? We're playin soccer with the Aussie's National Women Soccer Team for charity! Hurhur! I loike! Kinda miss playin soccer.. Could still remember me playin for Enfield Ladies Football club when i back was in UK.. Well, i was excited but was kinda like nervous cause i felt like i lost touch in soccer.. After a few dribbles at home, some shots and leg juggles.. Im ready! I played forward while Ruzanna played centre-back cum striker and Suzanna played defender.. I managed to score the opening goal after Ruz gave me this beautiful header.. Let it fall on my chest, fall back n at the half volley (kicking the ball just after it bounces off the pitch), i just whacked that ball thru the goalie.. I scored sia.. Hurhur! The cheers was like loud uh.. I felt so good u knoe! Could see my parents cheering,, Hurhur.. So paiseh.. Bet my mum would go like talkin to the person next to her "Dats my daughter! Dats my daughter!" The final score was 2-1 after a penalty shootout.. We won.. But.. Nah, its just a friendly.. Was awarded the "Most Promising Individual Award" though.. After that, needless to say the sudden surge of popularity, hugs n kisses from guys n gals.. I never layan the guys much, jus smiled, look down n walk away.. Not like my hubby haz... Go n layan some minahs.. Hmpf... Merajuk uh!! He challenges me to play soccer with his soccer team wen im back.. Bring it on dear.. Then he told me "But we play topless tau, tak pakai baju.." So? I wear my sports bra uh.. Blek!! =p

Oh yea.. U knoe, haz was kinda like taken aback from me? Hurhur.. Suddenly we talked bout education n stuffs.. I think he was askin nasrun if he had done his homework n u knoe he told me he missed skul n studyin n stuffs.. Some serious convo uh.. So, he told me his skul life n he asked bout mine i think.. So i just tell him uh that i was in UWC.. Went thru the advanced stream.. Did my A levels and studied Eng, Math, Comb Science (Physics and Chem), Literature, French, Spanish, Geog and History and i graduated at 15.. At the same time, i started my distant learning degree, my first yr in music.. After i graduated from UWC, i went to London and got my musical and fine arts degree at the age of 17.. He went like.. "WAD?! U DID A LEVELS AT 15?! How many subjects u take?! 9?! Kaoz.. Abang 7 subjects nak pass dah terkial-kial".. Hurhur! Then he goes again.. "U mean u got ur degree at 17?! Wad?! I thot u jus had ur A levels!Kaoz, ayang play soccer, dah dapat degree pun! OMG! Im damn lucky uh.."

Blah blah blah.. Hurhur.. Damn cute lar he.. Alar, if i can do it, so can u dear.. Im not a whizkid or child prodigy.. Maybe jus blessed i guess.. Takmo tension kae dear? Muacks... Sayaaang dia..

Hmm.. Wad else.. Oh ya, yesterday we went for the S'pore National Day Gathering at the City Hall.. Loads of Singaporeans were there, in jubilant National Day mood.. You knoe, its an irony that, we dont appreciate S'pore much when we're back there?.. But when we're away for quite a while or somethin.. Nothing beats living in S'pore baby.. Its clean, low crime rate, efficiency etc.. Well, the grass looks greener at the other side but not necessarily green.. Onlie then u'll miss S'pore.. Haiz.. Well, i was honoured to be invited to play the National Anthem on the piano during the event.. Kinda feel honoured.. Emotions starts to fill me in when i played.. Missing my loved ones back home.. =( I loved all of you wherever you are..

N guess wad, talkin bout music, a good fren of mine from Russia, Ms Anna Vinnitskaya has won The Queen Elisabeth Music Competition 2007 (named after Queen Elisabeth of Belgium not dear old Eliz of UK! Hurhur).. What i knoe is, it was a founding member of the World Federation of International Music Competions.. Its considered as one of the most prestigious, but also one of the most difficult in existence.. Kinda like the Olympics of Music.. Gotta knoe her when she was on a visit in London back then.. Lemme see.. Wad i knoe is, the Queen Elisabeth Music Competition is devoted to violin, piano, music composition and singing too.. Talk bout American Idol or Singapore Idol?.. Nothing beats this competition sia.. Its every musician's dream to clinch that award.. Its my dream too.. But wow.. Its kinda near impossible.. We'll see.. Congrats Anna.. How i wish it was FarzANNA.. Hurhur.. Well its okae.. Its alright.. Im happy for you..

Okae.. Hmm.. Dat shud be enuf for now.. Tired seh type.. Hurhur.. Tata!

Ps: Abang, later watch NDP wimme kae sayang? I'll go online and watch! Muacks!

Farz loves Haz on the day of the Independence of S'pore.. 090807..

im sick. very sick. n so is farz.

got 2 days attc. now resting at home.

wanna sleep now. :(

Wah, on duty is no joke seh..

Nasib baik aku cuti sampai dis sun! Wee! Akhirnya dapat gak aku pakai baju kurong pi masjid.. Dah lamer tak kunjung rumah Allah pat chua chu kang..

I use to do dat when i was in sec sch, my school just beside the mosque ma, so everitym got time i go n pray n relax my mind n be with God..

Betul cakap bapak aku, dahulukan akhirat, dunia akan ikot.. Mcm your mind is utter relax mode everytime you are with God or thinking of Him, perhaps its just the insignificant being of us by nature that we feel in happiness or in state of calmness wen we think or believe that someone or something is sheltering us, the ultimate being dat we believe wud help us in many ways..

thats why i believe faith and religion is very important. Islam- the submission, the way of life..

Speaking of guidance, i hope that i'd be able to talk to her dad or sumting, tell him not to go back overseas when they come back in september, luck is on my side, since there is Ramadhan in september, perhaps God is realli wif me..

She needs my presence, n spiritual presence.. N thats why she needs to stay here in spore, sana mana ada org soleh.. Im not talking about prayers at home with alot of people, dats 'umum', meaning its for the general public.. but for 'khusus', we need people, who prays all the time, zikr and salawah everyday, who understands and submit themselves totally to God, that is to say, para solihin.. orang soleh in spore masih ada, there is Syed Abbas, and there is more, ppl who preaches the way of truth and zikr not like for the public like in the mosque, but khusus..

Maulid.. dat is wad she needs.. Sultan wali-wali Jalaludin Hasan once said, "Those who bring maulid to their houses, will receive great prosperity, and peace in the mind and heart, and wen they die, they die at ease with the will of God."

How possible is this, 'maulid', a recitation or more like a remembrance to the Prophet Muhammad SAW so powerful in the eyes of God?

The prophet is 'rahmatillil alamin' - blessing to all universe..

He is the one closest to God.. His Messenger, and when the day comes, he would give the 'syafa'ah' to us to help us to reach paradise..

Dats why remembering him is remembering God himself..

Allah huma solli ala muhammad...

God says His salawah to the prophet..

Its like a 3-in-1 prayer, forgiveness, zikr to God, and pay respect to Muhammad SAW..

My last entry for this blog...

Cant seem to understand him...

Dont knoe wad he wants...

Cant seem to satisfy his needs...

Dont feel appreciated...

Cant seem to make it last...

I tried... N i tried... N i tried again... Tryin my best...

From tryin to make it better... It got worse instead...

But nothin seems to work out...

Wanting more... But never appreciates me...

So much for livin in moments...

Yea, livin in moments of hurt......

Im hurt... So hurt... Damn hurt...

Thanks for everythin....

May the Lord takes me into His care...

Farzanna the Fallen....

Amongst the freaks who create tension in my blog, i guess i forgot to update on the things around me.

1) EX SEMANGAT BERSATU was so tiring, it drains the eyebags out of me, especially zeroing the 120 plus styrs and mini-me (i dunno how to spell them haha) a day before the actual exercise

2) TODAY IS YOUTH DAY!!! DEN WAD THE FISH IM DOING?! GOING BACK TO CAMP AND ALL!! I SUPPOSE TO BE AT HOME ON OFF!!!

3) Happy Birthday to Dad MR ZAWAWI BUANG, his 46th birthday, and my lil bro Najiy his 13th birthday. May Allah bless our family wiv luck and prosperity.

4) I wun be booking out dis weekend cz i have a 2NTM duty. So anything jz gimme a beep.

5) My back is injured after a fray wiv the trees in the Lim Chu Kang forest swamp area, and now i think got possibility of a temporary downgrade wee!

6) I hate my encik.

7) Got an offer to go alaska for training but i reject cz the fact that 11 days off in lieu is given to those not going is a much better incentive!

8) Im gonna miss home! n my bed!

9) Farz, pls use the blog, ignore the freaks, jz continue to blog, dis is our way of communication kae? i noe its hard for the both of us, but we gotta stay together to work things out, especially now you're in Australia. Come back in August!! Maybe we can puasa together hehe!!

10) I love you farz


Dats all. Toodles!

The Bottomline

Dis is hazlami speaking.

The person. The original writer of dis blog.

THE ORIGINAL.

Peeps out there noe me, either liked me or hate me.

But hey, for those who liked me, im fine wiv it, we're having fun times together.

But for those who are at loggerheads at me, this is the bottomline.

THE BOTTOMLINE.

Im getting sick and tired of dis bullshit. Jason, you hurt my buddy Ariff. You try to ruin my life.

You are in Singapore. My homeland. And you're dead. Simple.

How bout dis. Be a gentleman. Meet up wiv me. One on one. Just you and me nigga. No men ard me. No one. Jz you n me. A cup of coffee. Sit down and have a chat. No violence, no nothing, jz me n u open table.

I dont wan anyone to be involved. Jz me n you. Simple?

If you have the balls to hit my Ariff, you have the balls to threaten my life, den of course you have th bloody guts to meet me one-on-one.

If you don't meet me, the nxt weekend, dis weekend im nt booking out cz im on duty, but nxt weekend, 14 n 15 july, give me a call.

Here's my number.

whoops, im not dat stupid. Reply me at my email. If you have the balls. If not, i guess you're nothing but a wussy.

Hahaha! A fish wussy who doesnt have the balls to meet the writer himself, n picking on others rather than the Original.

Yeah. Words can be jz words. We talked on theth or 15th, period ryt?

And to the rest, i dun give a shit. In fact, i wun let dis affect me or farz or anyone. I hv my frens, my clicks, my buddies, my men, my farz, my family. And i have God the Almighty wimme. N so im not afraid.

My dad use to say to me, " Dun be afraid if you're righteous, and dun let others affect you, for God is always with those who are patient."

And so i will be patient. Biar badai merempuh, adi idup, adi nglaban.

And yeah, abt the tagboard, it is an old tagboard like, 3 years of age, so i guess the time and system isnt working, sumtimes i tag the dates got all mixed up.

What i learnt from Ex Semangat Bersatu was that never believe in technology, haha.

I duncare what others think. If you're wif me, den you're wimme. If not, get lost, suck thumb, cuz i got the beauty chick not cz of my charms or my sense of humour, but cz of fate, trust, and sincerity, which i daresay, lack in many men who seeks lust from poor gullible gurls, and not a pure heart.

The end of the world is very near. Lust is everywhere. And so lacks the genuine of a men.

Men who have sex with multiple women, and married couples which in turn, destroys yet a beautiful bond of trust and love.

Men who seeks women cuz of their ego n to boost their confidence.

Men who is selfish, opprtunis, and yet, a failure to the human chain.

Where goes men who fight for their loved ones?
Where goes the men who fights for truth and honour?
Where goes the men who defends the weak?
The men who upholds moral truth and ethics?
The men who justify justice as selfless for others?

My father is such. And so is my grandfather. N i believe it goes up to my grandfathers grandfather, and so on.

And i wun fail them. I will carry on the teachings, and principles of my kind.

N let other kinds be as such to their own perspective. I dun care.

Cuz in the end im the one who will be answering in front of God for all my doings in life.

And there justice will prevail.

I never like to make enemies, i love humans as my own. If you think im your enemy, its ok. Cz i dun think id make you an enemy.

As the prophet Muhammad SAW went thru such pain in life, i shall do it too.

He never gave up. Ppl hated him, threw stones, go to war, wanted to assasinate him, and such. Ppl threaten him, he made lots of enemies.

Yet he made good frens, followers till the end of the days.

And he forgave them, and cz of that, ppl who hated him liked him.

He is a forgiver, n so i shall too.

And farz is real. How do you define real? How do you define reality?

5 senses? Nah..

To me, what defines real is the faith. The believe to love. And what if she is real? What if i post a pic of us together? Does that sent a signal to your brain, and from your eye, you make a judgement to your brain, and say, yes, she is real.

Then if thats the case, you dun have faith in god.

Can you see God? Can you see angels? Of course, if you're gonna die you'll see the angel of death, and that'll be too late.

Your mind is shallow by the will of your 5 senses. By the flaw of logics. And yes, if i cud say such, how to say wen im in camp?

4SIR does not have internet, im sorri to tell you.

See? See how shallow the thinking of humans like yourself?
Be free my friend, you may see a wall in front of you, feel it, smell it. But if you expand your mind, beneath the wall, beyond it, you'll see the world.

Haz loves farz now and forever.

Fell in a coma.. Was unconcious for few days.. Got discharged from hosp on fri 21st june.. Still recovering.. Darling haz is away with his unit on a joint military exercise with the Msian Army from 27th June to 29th June.. Misses him lots..

TO U GUYS N GALS OR WADEVA SHIT, MY HAZ IS FROM 4 SIR N HE IS CURRENTLY IN A JOINT EXERCISE WITH MSIAN RANGERS IN SINGAPORE.. DOES THE JUNGLE HAS LAPTOPS OR WADEVA SHIT FOR HIM TO BLOG OR TAG? I DONT THINK SO.. PLEASE USE SOME THOTS THINK B4 CONCLUDING.. IT WOULDNT HURT UR BRAIN TO THINK MINIMALLY FOR A WHILE..

Seems that this blog has created such a furore among sum individuals.. Would like to emphasise that this is a personal blog between myself n haz.. If u have nthg constructive to say, buzz off.. This is not ur domain.. For e record, my hubby haz is a stay in personnel in an active unit.. Would be ridiculous if its him taggin as if he has nothin better to do.. I assume e recent tags r from gals.. U knoe wad gals? Try signin up for e army n u'll knoe wad army life is like.. I dont even think u knoe wad stay in n active unit means. Basically no life.. Period.. If ur concerned bout us, appreciate it if u get in contact wif haz instead of taggin.. Ur stoopin to e same low level as some dudes did.. THAT would be much more professional albeit less misunderstandings etc..

Haz got me fair n square.. N we loved each other.. Wads so diff for all of u to understand.. FYI, im in Australia n he's in Spore.. We're apart physically, seperated.. Naturally we'll exploit every means of contactin n updatin each other.. N this blog is one of em..

U think i like being in this situation? Not being there for him vice versa n not being able to do wad most couples do? U guys n gals make me sick.. Like im not sick enuf.. Wad idiots n dimwits some ppl can be.. Wadeva!!

Farz Loves Haz on 28th June 2007...

silent prayers

God, are you testing me..

For i feel dis heavy burden you place upon my weak shoulders once again..

I have never felt dis pain, dis so powerful pain before.. And now my angel is away, all I have left is my own soul, a heart that is beating for me, you God, my family and friends dat supported me..

I feel dis knife of sadness in me.. I cudnt sleep, all the time worried dat I might not be there for her wen she wakes up, or she is in critical condition..

I do not understand the alma tears that kept flowing from her eyes despite her being in sleep.. Is she having a bad nightmare... She must be strong.. And for that to happen, i must be strong too..

Tmr i'll tell my oc wad im facing, maybe he got solutions to it.. For i must say it wud take more than courage to face dis, especially having to juggle work, family..

Perhaps dis is wad my mum felt wen i faced dis too.. all the time worried for me.. haish..

All i ask for you God.... Is to not separate us.. She has a pure heart.. Dun take that away from me, after you taken my pure heart away before.. She is the only person dat loves me so much, dat she wud be affected by everything dat happens to me.. Perhaps she feels wad i feel.. Thou we are far apart..

After 2NTM, i told myself dat i'll go there n see her.. I'll get the authorised papers to go.. n the money to go.. perhaps u bring ariff along too..

I wanna see her.. i realli do..
_______________________________

Farz... dun leave abang.. ayang pls dun leave me.. how can you be not here, if you are in my heart.. how can you be not strong, if you never gave up on me.. face your fears honey.. face it w faith in god, in me, in u, in ur family dat are always beside you.. abang may not be there beside you, soon i will, but im here in your heart.. find me there.. like how i found u in my dreams last nite.. how you cried in the corner, n how i hold your hand n told you to be strong.. how you hugged me..

Ayang.. abg is fine.. jus a bit bruises here n there.. but ayang.. im so worried about you.. i miss you..

the way you smile at me.. the way you msg me everitim i didnt reply you, "abaaang.." how you play hard to get w me, how you console me everitim im having a hard day at work or at home..

i miss you... so much...

N i love you... I love you farz...

n i'll wait for you to wake up, i promise....

pray for my farz.. she is very sick.. she is in a coma.. to all my dear frens, n perhaps my foes, i beg u..

pray for her, to all religions and races.. pray for her..

im broken without her.. i feel so lost.. so much pain.. so much remorse.. so much guilt..

i cant live without her.. god pls..

Allah Tuhan ku.. Zat yg Maha Penyayang.. Kasihanilah diri ini yang fana lagi hina.. Sesungguhnya aku tiada daya dan upaya ya Allah.. aku hanya mampu berdoa.. Zat yang maha penolong, berilah pertolongan kepada ku.. Dengan setiap dugaan telah engkau coba diri ini, namun ujian ini tk mampu bagiku untuk memikulnya.. Berikanlah kesihatan kpd wanita yg ku cinta ini dgn sejujur dn seikhlas hati.. Namun jika dikau ingin mengambilnya, masukkanlah dia bersama2 mereka yg bersabar.. dan matikanlah hati ini untuk mencintai yg lain.. dan hanya menunggu ketibaan dikau mengambil nyawaku dn bersatu kita bersama.. Ya Allah ya Tuhanku.. Aku ini hina.. hanya makhluk mu yg kerdil dan tk berupaya.. Ubahlah nasib kami ini ya zat yg menghilangkan segala kesusahan..

dengan berkat segala amalan ku, berkat kemuliaan Rasulullah, ibubapaku, guru-guruku, dan sahabat-sahabatku, berkat ku hadir dlm majlis besar maulid rasulmu, dan majlis2 zikr dan tasbih dan salawat.. berkat ku menolong ibuku dan menyayangiku.. kau berikanlah kami kesejahteraan, dan kebahgiaan, dunia dan akhirat..

i love you farz.. yesterday, today.. n forever.....

Abang?.. Ayang here.. Im in the hosp now sweetheart.. Im in the ward alreadi.. Im restin for e moment before the stupid docs start the checks and so on.. I wanna msg u, but i dont wanna disturb u sayang.. Ur gonna be in the jungle, training.. Must be havin a lot of preparations.. Cant be selfish and keep contactin u as much as i wanna.. Miss u sayang.. Loads and loads of love.. =(

Haiz, i feel so sick here alreadi.. Seeing all these sick ppl, the smell of medicine makes me quesy enough.. Luckily im in a single ward so im not disturbed or perturbed by any unsightly events here.. Ruz, thanks kak.. Thanks for being here wimme.. I love u kak... Haiz....

My Lord, I must survive.. Im strong enuf.. I'll look fear rite into its eyes as i always have.. I'll face fear and subdue it... Oo Lord, where's the warrior princess in me??.. Where's Lady Farz from the House of Syvel??.. Where is she in this dire moment when i needed her counsel most??.. Oo Lady Farz, falter this not.. Fulfil your oath to me once again... I summoned u and the Riders of Syvel!

Now is the hour to come,

Riders of Syvel, daughters of Damra!!

Foes and fire before you,

And your loved ones far behind..

Yet though you fight upon a foreign land..

The glory that you reap shall be your own forever..

Oaths ye have taken! Fulfil them all!

I need to fight this battle.. I must survive.. I must be strong... I must win it.. For my sake, for haz and that of my family.. I have lots to accomplish.. Lots to do.. Lots to see.. Lots to learn....

Mourn not Farzanna!..

For your Riders are here..

To fulfil their oath once again..

For the mighty will not fall..

When the mound is raised..

The women shall never weep..

For they shall be your standard bearers in battle..

For war now calls upon us!..

Its been long since i donned my battle gear.. Now i have to wear it again for my own decisive victory.. So help me God.. I'll survive sayang.. Ayang'll survive.. I love u sweetheart.. So much.. So very much.. Muacks...

Farz Loves Haz on Mon... 110607...

Kinda having a rough patch with haz past week.. He's been stretched busy n tired at work.. N i keep buggin him.. Led to probs i guess.. Perhaps its jus me, wantin him but i cant... Had some quarrels but make up eventualie.. Thank God.. I jus hate it wen he becomes a monster.. Cuz wadeva im tryin to say to him is not being "received properly" by him and his words tend to hurt me.. Lots... I knoe im not dat perfect and i knoe it takes two hands to clap.. But now, all is well, thank god.. And we're both smittenly in love now... Muacks!...

Well, wad can i say.. Erm.. My parents are in Msia now n my sis ruz is back wimme.. Apparently they're invited to attend PM Abdullah's weddin.. His new portugese-descent wife is a very very very distant relative of my mum's side.. Not realie close to Auntie Jeanne.. But well, off they went.. Hmm.. Not realie comfy wif the fact that he remarry again.. I knoe that perhaps its fate but its jus that he said realie love his 1st wife Endon.. N he stil loves her but he's fallin in love with another.. I mean wad e hell.. Thats not true love to ur !st wife isnt it? I dunno lar perhaps its jus my own principles in life.. Once i gave my heart to sumone, i cant love another.. N i mean it.. Haz should knoe wad im talkin bout.. Muacks!

Haiz.... Okae lar okae lar.. Wadeva it is, Selamat Pengantin Baru to Auntie Jeanne n erm Uncle Abdullah??.. Hurhurhur..

I gave him some of my piano music pieces that i played before when i was practising music.. Dont realie knoe how to put it in the blog, perhaps i leave that to my hubby.. Can sayang? Sayang abang.. Hmm.. Well, he loved my music good n was sayin that im so multi talented.. Im not baby.. Im not.. Maybe its jus dat my interest is there sweetheart.. I hope he puts it in his mp3 player, so he can listen to my songs anytime n anywhere.. N im in his thots..

=( Missed u sweetheart..

His family jus came back from a trip.. Think they went to Jakarta n Dubai if i could recall correctly.. N it seems that the whole family is sick now esp his mum.. Hope she's okae.. N my poor baby nasrun, my cute-lil-sexy-to-be-hunk-when-he-grows-up.. Hurhur.. Get well fast kae dear?.. Hmm.. Well, my darling has been tendin to the family's needs.. Cookin, washin etc.. So nice of him.. Wish im there wif him. I can help him out with e chores.. Perhaps it could be a feel of wads like if we're married later.. Hurhur..

Haiz.. Missed u sweetheart.. N ur goin to jungle for 3 days n 2 nites from Mon onwards.. Take care sayang.. Ur always in my heart dear.. Well, past days i have been cryin a lot.. Feelin kinda sad.. Cause i hafta be warded on Mon evening at the hosp for sum cardiovascular checks, tests n wad have u.. Tsk, im fine!.. Im okae!.. Why do you insist that i must get back!... Im strong!.... Sob... Abaaanng.... Ayang Scared.. Ayang Sad.. Ayang feelin lost n lousy.. Ayang hate goin to the hosp... Its a jail for me sayang.. A jail!... Even if im not sick, i feel sick there.... =(

I promised u i'll be strong sayang... I will.. Im strong... I will survive... So help me God.. Take care sweetheart.. Love u loads... I'll love u always... Muacks....

Farz loves Haz on Sun... 100607...

Sayang,

Im sorie that i have hurt you.. I didnt mean too sweetheart.. Im sorie that ayang did not do wads expected of me as ur gal.. I too feel upset bout it now..

Abang, ur my very first and last companion in my heart.. And you know that i mean wad i say.. I will not accept any other guy.. I cant live without u sayang..

I'd rather die than to not be with you...

God... I love you so much Haz...
Cried when i was playin this song on the piano...

Embun di pagi buta..

Menebarkan bau asa..

Detik demi detik ku hitung..

Inikah saat ku pergi..

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia..

Berikanlah aku hidup..

Takkan ku sakiti dia..

Hukum aku bila terjadi..

Aku tak mudah mencintai..

Aku tak mudah mengaku ku cinta..

Aku tak mudah mengatakan..

Aku jatuh cinta...

Senandungku hanya untuk cinta..

Tirakatku hanya untuk engkau..

Tiada dusta sumpah ku cinta..

Sampai ku menutup mata...

Cintaku sampai ku menutup mata...

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia..

Berikanlah aku hidup..

Takkan ku sakiti dia..

Hukum aku bila terjadi..

I love you sayang..

Gue akan senantiasa cinta kamu..

Muacks!

pain

im in pain..

"Fighting all the demons will take time.."

I got to heal fast.. cuz i feel so much pain i've never felt.. angst, sadness, it perturbs me..

I had to do it farz.. Im sorry.. Its the only way for you to realise how beautiful you are, n how much u need to love yourself first before you could love me..

Im none but a person with a black hole.. Empty like a vessel.. Thou i may seem to be cheerful and full of crap.. Haish.. I guess no one would ever understand how i think, how i feel..

There's more to abg then what ayg may think i am..

No matter what, I'll always love you, n i'll wait for you..

Hope you're reading dis, n the songs dat i wanted to pass you are all here for you to hear.. take care dear..

You seem to not understand what i meant by live in moments..

Someone taught me dis wen i was in jc1, she told me that life have to be taken a step at a time, and wen u live your life per day basis, things wud be better sumtimes..

She is quite true, but i'd rather live in moments that take my breathe away..

Let say, we are having a sweet time together eating ice cream.. I make that moment last forever, n it becomes more than a memory, a powerful patronus dat becomes a guardian..

And so, whenever im alone, in the woods, or mountains, tired and in stress, in need of an angel, all i need is to relive that moment, and it wud be enuf to make me smile that'll cheer me up the rest of the intense day.

Live by moments.. We have the power to choose which moments we wanna crystallise it to be a shell, so that whenever we feel so defenseless, we seek shelter from such shell, in that small confine space of shell, we find happiness that thou temporary, enuf to make us happy or smile..

It makes us stronger, or weaker..

All i need from you farz, is the understanding of this philosophy. This might just make us stronger...

Im always thinkin of you, day n nite..

Kau tercipta untukku farz, dan aku takkan hilangkan perasaan ini, kerna ia amat bangat sekali istimewa bagi ku. Aku tidak mampu menulis ia menjadi kata-kata, tapi hanya mampu ku suntik ia dalam irama bayu yang selalu meniup di mukamu pabila kau renung panjang di luar kamar..

Percayalah, kerna sesungguhnya hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu isi hati ini..

Its either we grow stronger, or we will fall. Its your choice. Thou im still angry, im cooling down.. I wanna make it happen ayg, n i cannot do it alone..

PS: i dunno wad to say alr. :(

smitten... :D

im having the life of passion n fun n love...

cuz my girlfriend did something none ever did in my entire life...

SHE BOUGHT ME A HARRY POTTER BOOK!!!!!!

And its the LAST SERIES!!!?!!

and i n u noe... dat mr hazlami here.. its a god damn fanatic freak of harry potter...!!!

Im like living my life with magic see..

If u look deep in my brain wen im like stoning or sumting, im nt picturing sexy hot ppl in jerseys, but im picturing myself having a wand in my hand n can wish for anything...

ANYTHING- thats a very likeable word, dun cha tink? haha..

I can just apparate to the mama shop, n back, or fly myself with a firebolt to orchard rd, or bring farz to sit with the moon n stars..

Or i can conjure myself two hands so dat they cud massage my backsoaken pain at the spine..
haha.. dream on loverboi..

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

Hahaha. im so high i can fly like superman n spin a web like spiderman, throw fire like torch, or zip my way thru like flash hahaha!!!

Im singing in the toilet again... :)

Mwah! U deserve a gd treat! :)

Gona take leave when u come back n spend like a week wiv u hahaha!

I think she does not understood the power of a voice.. Perhaps im a vocalist.. She would be gone for months, years.. N i feel broken again..

Whats happening to me.. I feel so numb.. Smiling means nothing but a facial concortion of wad is known as human body language. Laughing is nothing but gases of air pumped out from my lungs.

Perhaps i cannot swallow the cold truth that i wun be seeing her for a v long time.. I never have long distance relationship before..

Msging wun be enough.. Thats for sure.. I remember when i was in taiwan, n i cudnt msg her, i went thru 2-3mountains just to give her a voice msg on the phone to say that im fine and all.. N i walked 14km just to find a phonecard for me to use to make such voice msges..

The power of a voice is by far unimaginable to me.. A singer who sings a poem with the right rythmn wud touch ppl hearts more than a poet who recites them..

I called my mum after a long week of pure ops, n when i hear her voice, after so many days of not calling her, i missed her so much.. and it made me stronger.. n her advices became more than just a msg, it became words of love n comfort for me.. N thru that phonecall, i hear the sincerity of a mother's love to her son.. N when i reached home tonite, i hugged her so tite it took her 2 mins to endure my bear hug haha..

Perhaps u wud never noe the power of voice.. Face it hazlami.. Face the facts.. Dun be weak..

*wanna go to sleep.. in my warm cozy bed i call my own 'walls of heaven' where i find the most safest, most heaven-like place on earth.. where in the dark my heart beats light that gave me the warmth, n in the dark i seek shelter frm the cruel natures of life.. n i wanna dream, of meadows.. vast meadows.. with lots of flowers of many colours.. the gentle breeze.. the warm sun.. not too hot, n not too cold.. the birds chirping notes of lament beauty.. no mozzies.. n there, beside the meadows, is a small cottage, with a small garden of flowers that i grew. in the house there'll be a couch with a thick blanket infront of the fireplace.. my room up on the 2nd floor.. where the sides of the room have long windows.. n the roof has a curtain where when i pull it open, it reveals a window where i can see the sky.. n there i'll lay on bed, seeing the many stars that shine on me, n in the morn i cud see the sunrise to my left.. n the sunsets to my right.. *

beautiful slumber....

This blog entry is put up in response to those have yet to understand the love that me and Haz had for each other..

Yesterday, i was in the msn chattin while checkin my mails and stuffs when suddenly a guy "fren" of mine from msn get into a convo with me.. Apparently, news had spread bout me gettin attached and he soon begin questionnin me stuffs bout me n haz.. I didnt realie told him much since i view such stuffs as personal n private.. Same as in which my dad would told me to mind my own biz when im tryin to be kaypoh.. If i could quote daddy in his baritone voice, he'd bark as if i was his soldier... Hurhur!..

"RESTRICTED! STAFF IN CONFIDENCE!"

Coming back to dis issue of mine.. Dat guy then began condemnin n said stuffs which hurts me as i was readin.. Well.. simply said.. He might have liked me before.. He might have tried to court me.. He might have tried all sort of means to get me.. However u failed in ur quest.. Im not tryin to be a bitch here.. Im not a casanova, im not dat pretty.. There are other gals whose beauty surpassed me.. N for your info, i was hurt by u guys! Jus like u!.. I was hurt so bad that my past hurts and it still haunts me.. It was a trying period for me to get back on my two feet.. Luckily, my bro was around givin me all e encouragement n support i need to be the farzanna who i am.. Now, let me get this straight.. Hazlami won my heart fair and square.. With no sort of advantages given to him.. U could ask him that.. He tried his best.. I could feel his sincerity and his love.. And according to him, he now have sumthin which the rest dont.. The appreciation ofmany beauty of life, like love... So then.. The question remains..

Wad right do u have to say such hurtful words, not onlie to me but also to my haz?!

Look, u may have been tryin to get me but sorie u didnt make it.. I may sound mean but dats life.. U curse me? My love with him? Fine.. I'll keep quiet and not join this childish-swearing boo hoo game of urs.. Ur not even a gentleman to accept defeat.. Have u got no balls in doing so?

Let me get this straight and may it be etched in those mind who wished me or us ill.. Im not like many other gals out there which can be bought with materialistic riches.. Even if im so poor that u guys out there asked for my love just for a handful of rice, i'd rather die hungry.. This is the Farzanna whom i am.. I know wad loyalty n true love means.. I have my own principles in life and these are part of them.. N i shall stand by my principles, by my ground, till my last breathe.. In my heart, ther's room for 5.. The Almighty God, his Honourable Prophets, my family, loved ones.. And lastly Hazlami, who is occupying the most space in me.. Peace out bugger!

RUMIE DAN JULI

Rumie dan Julie.. Dua remaja saling bercinta.. Berjanji sehidup semati.. Bersumpah setia..

Kekal abadi oh.. Rumie dan Julie.. Lambang cinta yang suci dan murni.. Kasih sayangmu kekal abadi..

Hingga akhir nanti Oh... Rumie dan Julie.. Keabadian cintamu.. Menjadi lambang setia..

Saling cinta menyintai.. Antara sesama oh.. Oh.. Rumie dan Julie.. Lambang cinta yang luhur dan suci.. Tetap dikenang hingga kini.. Oh cinta.. Rumie dan Julie..

Muacks.. I love u sayang.. Take care..

Farz loves Haz on Tuesday... 220507...

Got sick today.. Down with my bouts of migraine flu n fever.. Damn it.. Hate being sick.. N there's no one to take care of me.. Didnt realie eat anythin for the past few days.. Had no appetite at all.. Unless u see my two bars of snickers as food of course.. Think dats all i ate for the past two days.. My hubby haz asked me to ate at least a bread.. N if he was here wif me, he would had force me to ate bread with him.. Sweet... Muacks.. Sayang abang.. But honey, dats not a good idea.. I'll vomit.. I knoe myself when im sick sayang.. Just missed u so much dear.. Wish ur hear wimme.. N for the fact that he's havin his 12 hrs duty in which our communication has to be minimalised since he's on duty.. Im beginning to miss my hubby more.. N there's no one home.. Been alone all day..

My family went to our private ranch for a day or two.. Takin a look at our horses, makin sure that the money my parents invested bear fruits.. Didnt wanna followthem, gotta take a 2hr long drive to our ranch.. Preferred to stay at home.. Well, it runs in e family.. All of us are avid horse lovers.. We love riding and i myself have two horses.. Perhaps one day, i'll teach haz how to ride one.. Hmmm... I'll make e horse run so fast dat he'll cry for me.. Hurhurhur!

Haiz.. Pity my hubby.. His back hurts.. Been complaining, i'll massage it if im wif u dear.. Serious.. U served ur duty well, standin for hours.. Must've been tiring.. Muacks *hugs*..

I'll send over the stuffs over to u okae? Hope u like it dear.. Jus a few stuffs i bought for u when i was shoppin.. Was thinkin bout you.. So, ya.. Bought some stuffs.. Specially for my dear sweet darling haz..

*Lookin forward to ur next day off sayang..* Muacks!

Farz loves Haz on Monday... 210507...
(contactable at cerca_trova_farz@hotmail.com)

Ops Bacinet - Protectors of Singapore, Silent and Deadly

Haha.. Its been a while since I've blogged.. Been busy man, got ops to do.. Real ops haha, get it u freaks at bmtc? Im in ops! Life rounds! haha.. So u better show respect to guys from the active unit that is really protecting your ass.. And ya, the country's economic interest.

Jurong Island- A land of opportunities for many investors. The air is filled with thick chlorinated gas and carbon dioxide waste. But still, the men of 4SIR never gave up, we pillowed thru the bitterness of this intoxicated land of petrol and chemical waste full of pride as protectors of Singapore..

Pilled up gentlemen! Lets go, I say to my men, as they went to draw their wives out and the thing dat keeps the terrorist out.. Live rounds..

Lock and load. Keep sharp gentlemen. Where's your posture Andrew? Shag ah? Lampa lah. I make you stand more then you noe. Dats how i usually say to my men. Gota keep the posture there. Fingers outside the trigger. Hands buckle. Stand straight, no standing on one leg. Keep your face cool calm and dangerous. Shades, wear them. Show your force. Your power..

My men and I were tested again, dis time the lab rats of the company, going in first, and taking the toughest sector in the whole ops, the imigration sector. Many people, bangla, thai, spore, china workers clustered together and make noise when they went up the bus to work in the island. The air is filled with carbon monoxide, carbon, smoke, sweat.. It was tough. Cameras were everywhere. We have to stand straight for hours. Shifts. I made schedules for them. But i have to sacrifice. Cudnt sit for 8 hrs straight. Standing and walking and reassuring my men n pushing them to show force and not yield. It was the toughest i felt. When it ended, it was satisfying. After my shift, the rest of the men from my company got better welfare with an extra 2 men. 7 v/s 9 men including me is alot you know.

My back hurts. My shoulders are aching from the weight of our sbo. But i still find it cool haha. Shades, pda, comms set, weapon, LIVE ROUNDS..

Anytime there is aggression, the rules of engagement is applied. Cock it, stop or i'll shoot!

Haha.. Din Dang Danger Dangerous!



PS: Penat sey ayg, dah kat saner penat, balik pon penat hehehe *thinkin*, but i like...

Miss you.. Come back to SINGAPORE!!! I'll PROTECT YOU!! HAHA!

And thanxs farz honey, for the stuffs u bought.. byk sgt.. hehehe..

The fallen of 3SG Isz Sazli- a soldier, a loyal son, a trusted friend, an honourable man

I am in mourn for the death of my best buddy in college, Isz Sazli. When i heard the news, I didn't know it was him till i heard it from my brother. I just msged him like 2 weeks ago saying good luck n prayers since he was going off to taiwan, and i just came back from it. N now, i cannot msg him anymore. It hurts if i think about it. Somehow, when i saw the sand falling on his remains in his grave brought back many memories of us.. Like a falling time capsule that turns out to be poison that killed me slowly..

Isz Sazli was the first friend i made when i first step into Anderson Junior College. Like a loyal and friendly buddy, it was like love at first sight as friends. I remember it as clear as the waters flowing from the alps. It was friday. He asked me, hey there, are u goin to the mosque?

I said, yeah. U coming with me? Wads ur name buddy?

He said, My name is Isz Sazli.

At first, i thot, hey, dis guy got sum problems with his 's' pronounciation, haha. But i shrugged it off that thought. I asked him again,

"Isz Sazali?"

No! He insisted. Its Isz Sazli. Till then, everytime people speak his wrong name, he will put his foot down and say, its sazli, not sazali.

Thats him.

His a guy with never a shrouding face. Always bright n sunny. Smiles everywhere. I remember buddy, you helped me when I liked you classmate, aishah. And u helped me. I still got the small cat tag that aish wanted me to have n asked u to give it to me. Its in my hands now. Haish..

N when aish left, n when i thot my life was crashing down on me, I remember buddy, ur the only friend who put ur warm big arms around me with full of sincerity, n said, "Its ok haz. Let it go. She'll realise one day that its not worth it leaving u like this. Coz she is leaving the best guy i have ever met"

Haish. I asked him to accompany me to join the kompang team, n there, we enjoyed as much as we can. He helped out when my uncle got married. Ramlie, Haikal n my bro never stopped bullying him. Still remember that nick burg video yeah buddy? But he liked it. Cuz we are his friends. N even thou they like to beat him, from a far, i see hime smiling happy, because we are his friends in college.

When we turned jc2, n my bro's batch left, he felt alone. The other malay people didnt like talk to him that much. I remember a friend of mine loved to taunt and teased him bout his ways n his words.. He didnt show up during his funeral, bless that guy, cuz i dunno whether he already asked for forgiveness. He stayed on wimme. He supported me incredibly, lining up the student council to favour me during the AJ IDOL 2005, he was wiv the crowd enjoying the music. N after the competition, he came up to me, smiling, and said, "Good job haz!"

Haish. The last time i saw him was during BMT. He wanted to be an officer, as a regular. The thing that make me feel guilty was the fact that i discourage him, i told him not to, just be a specialist, more rewarding.. Haish..

Things would be much simpler if he hadnt been to taiwan. You cud have reported sick or sumting buddy! But y?! Y did you go.... I leave your family, your fav lil sister whom u always say u wanna protect her? Leaving me?

On the Friday, 11th May 2007, I, Hazlami, lost a very good friend. My best buddy. In the field of duty.

Do u remember buddy, when you told me, i wish i cud be like you haz. People respect u, loved u. Nobody liked me. Even Zoey (his crush).

Now, Isz, u have the whole nation mourn for you. A death so honourable that many would die for.

Thank you for all the things. Thank you for all the help. Thank you. Buddy.

:(

Has been some days since myself or my darling haz has blogged..

Well, Haz is in mournin for the lost of his buddy 3SG Isz Sazli (May God Have Mercy On Him) who was killed in Taiwan due to a crashed fighter plane mishap. Both of them were buddies while in college..

It was such an irony.. Gotta know this news first hand from my bro in the morn who is with the SAF Medical Corps.. When i msged him askin him, How haf u been? N wad r u doin? My bro replied he was feelin sad.. Told me a servicemen died in Taiwan, he was his schoolmate in Broadrick Secondary School.. (refers to the aruah)

He was doin some emergency overseas screening for some SAF doctors who was activated to go to Taiwan to be on site there.. How sad was dat sia.. I wouldnt be able to take it seh knowing ur fren died n ur clearing servicemen to be flown there immediately.. Felt sad that such a tragedy has happen..

In the evening, msged Haz that this incident took place.. The mishap thing.. He didnt know that it was his college buddy.. When he found out, he was so so sad... Neva saw him this sad before.. Haiz.. Deja vu.... Now both him n my bro is in mourning...

However, let us not forget that as a soldier, a national servicemen, 3SG Isz Sazli was discharging his sacred duty of service to the country.. My dad, a retired Lieutenant Colonel, told me that it is the highest honour for a soldier to die.. To die for his beloved country that all soldier swore to fight and defend irregardless in time of peace or in war.. He too told me that when he was in service, eventho he was sad doin military exercises overseas, at times months, nearly years.. He too felt down and misses us at home.. But then he knew that as a soldier and as an officer, the country comes first.. By protecting, defending and fighting the country, they are protecting their loved ones at home..

The conversation i had wif dad was enriching but then, i told him,

"Ayah, if u had died the death that way, i dont think all of us would be able to take it.. I mean its easier said than done.."

Then dad replied..

"If that happens.. Then farz, kakak n mama should be proud of ayah.. Cause ayah died for the country.. Im a hero to the country.. Ayah mati syahid.. As promised by God, i will have a place in heaven where i'll pray for all of you to come and join ayah there.."

Tears welled up in my eyes when dad said that.. I couldnt imagine the sadness of the aruah's family.. All i could say is that.. My deepest condolences is wif them..

3SG Isz Sazli..

al-fatihah...

For his honourable death, i placed here a bugle music piece "The Last Post". It is a bugle call used im military funerals and in ceremonies commemorating those who have fallen in war. One that is beffiting to the sacrifice of 3SG Isz Sazli...

://www.lastpost.be/mp3_lastpost.html

** Last Post was originally a bugle call used in British Army camps to signal the end of the day. The name derives from the practice of inspecting all the sentry posts around such a camp at the end of the day, and playing a bugle call at each of them. The "last post" was thus the last point of this inspection, and the bugle call signalling that this post had been inspected marked the end of the military day. It is alo a calling for soldier to "go home" to their barracks...

To Haz- Was tryin to blog sum stuffs today, but suddenly not in e mood after seeing sumthin.. I'll blog tomorrow.. Farzanna.. Ciaoz..

Well, wad happen durin e week? Hmm.. well, past monday which is about two days ago somethin did happen.. Everythin was fine till in e evening.. Haz was feelin down wif his ippt 2.4km timing.. N i sensed sumthin wrong wif him.. His way of msgin was different.. When i enquired, i too kinda say e wrong thing dat make him upset further.. If im not mistaken his timing was 9m 45sec? 9m 46sec? Well i told him,

"Dats not too bad.. But ayang can run faster than u! Hurhur!"

That reply kinda upset him.. He asked to be alone n was cold to me.. Was damn hurt n angry cause he didnt tell me wad was he feelin down about.. Nevertheless, i acceeded to his request.. Gave him time off.. Next day, when he gave me his usual mornin msg, i didnt reply.. My turn to merajuk.. then we had a good talk over it.. Tried to console my darling here, givin my warmth n comfort.. Alas, he feels better now.. My sweet haz is back wimme.. Hurhur. Now, i cant wait for weekends to come for us to have our own private moments together!..

Muacks.. Sayaang u..

ps: i wont let ur past recurr again dear.. realie.. love u lots..

Farz loves Haz on Wednesday, 090507...

Well, erm.. How should i put it? Im haz's gal.. Told him to do a new blog for us but he suggested sharin his blog instead.. God i feel weird doin dis but he'll like it la.. Tsk3..

So yea, for starters, my name is farzanna n i gotta knoe haz from a fren of my bro.. Both of em are apparently in the same camp, had a hunch dat both of em and their mates were busy sharin gals's contact n i was one of e poor victims.. NS so free yea?! Shud gif all of u extra duties.... Imagine dis yea? N how would u react?

"Heyz.. do you mind me intro u to a fren of mine?"-taufiq
"Huh? Ur fren? Who"-farz
"My NS buddy.. Can? If u mind, then i dont give.."-taufiq

At dis point of time, my mind was like WTH.. I didnt reply my fren's msg then and if my memory proves me rite, he asked me e same quest a day or two later..

"Eh, how? Can i intro u to my fren? If u dont like too, then i wont.."-taufiq
"Why? Has he been buggin u?"-farz
"No la, dat time u didnt reply.. He asked me again today.."-taufiq
"Sure, go ahead.. Get it over and done wif..."-farz

U might haf sense my cold answer, was a bit pissed off actualie.. Like who's dis guy sia.. Jus wen i finished my iwn own private thots, came dis msg from haz.. He ranted in malay which i dont realie quite understand since i neva learned malay b4.. But luckily, i picked up bahasa indonesia which i learned from my indo frens wen i was in United World College.. (Oi! Gue rindu bangat sama lu!!) So i catch a bit here n there.. He send me a sajak or wadeva talkin bout the moon, heart, soul, frens n wad haf u.. I was like Oh! Oh! Danger! He's a mat?? Hurhur..

"Erm, sorie i dont understand wad ur tryin to say.. I dont understand malay.."-farz

Hurhur.. needless to say, his luring method failed him.. His buddy didnt forewarned him on my lack in proficiency for malay language.. Kwang Kwang Kwang!! Hurhur.. As days goes by, he msged me often.. A bit irritatin at times but, he was sweet n caring, e msges became more frequent too.. Tested his patience a few times n he tried to remain cool but i saw thru him.. Wen he tried to do e same, he couldnt.. I always won dis "match".. Hurhurhur..

Well, seconds became days.. Days became weeks n then months.. Soon, we were edging closer n closer.. Our msges became more smitten n private.. Words such as "honey, darling, dear, sayang, abang" were in used.. N all of a sudden we're attached.. He didnt realie pop out the Q, perhaps its incognito? The feelings were jus comfy enuf to be brought up to e next higher level.. N e few remaining days b4 taiwan, i knew dat i realie love dis guy.. N so does he.. Taiwan was realie a testing point for us..

1) Had frequent quarrels n misunderstandings..
2)Had some probs wif his former u knoe who....
3) Didnt get to msg often..
4) Faced some probs back at home wif my dance partner.. Haz's upset he couldnt do anythin..
5) Haz had to be away for some exercise
6) Haz lost his hp.. Contacts decline.. (FRUST)
7) Used his fren's mobile to msg me.. Can u imagine dat he used bout 3 or 4 ppl's mobile to msg me? How e hell sia i knoe which one he's wif or to msg at? (Grr!)
8) Lastly.... I hafta leave S'pore for Australia n soon London..
9) Our plans of wad we'ld do wen he got back home was dashed....
10) Haz was sad, Farz was sad.. *sob sob* Haiz...

So yea.. im in australia now.. Puttin up wif my relative's house wif my family.. Missed him lots n lots..

N yet again, he was bothered by sum "OUTSTANDING" issues which greatly affected me.. Was so bothered by it dat i decided to go for a run at 3am-4am in the morn.. I asked my sis who was wif me to accompany me.. As soon as i changed to my runnin attire, i jus ran out of e house as fast as i could without waitin for my sis.. Tryin to run as hard as i can to release my emotional self dat couldnt take it any longer.. My sis senses dat somethins not rite brought e dog along n trailed behind.. I heard e dog running close n catches up wif my pace till it stops n yelped loud barks at me when a rattling noise became more audible.. Thot it was a cricket or somethin so i didnt gave heed.. All of a sudden i saw somethin sprang up, n i felt a sharp pain at my leg.. I was bitten by a rattlesnake n was unconscious for e next few hours.. Wen i woke up, i was in hosp.. Was havin a high fever, difficulty in breathin n my leg became blue in colour.. All i could say was "Nak ayah"..

Nearly lost my leg.. How horrible... N nearly broke off wif haz.. Luckily we pulled thru... He felt guilty, so am i.. Well, currently we're still goin strong wif my darling haz.. Hurhur..

Till next time...

ps: Muacks.. I love you sayang.. *Long hugz n sweet kisses*
And oh ya! Lucinda! U bitch! U won e FHM GALS NEXT DOOR?!! Hurhur! I couldnt join sia.. Dis guy wont let me.. Enjoy the glory while it lasts yea!..

Farz loves Haz on Sunday, may 06, 2007....

It felt like a hundred years since i blog. haha. damn.

Penat giler seh, just came back from last min duty.

Things were quite chaotic eversince i came back from taiwan.

My gf didnt get to pick me up cuz she went to australia n later goin to london for her studies.
The duty list isnt ready yet, so it makes the whole thing cock up. This whole week was rehearsals for the parade. CO changing of command parade. And Division Com Change of Command parade. The first latter i was involve in the deco of the battalion. oh it was freakin tiring uh. Mcm nk sambut president of singapore. Bleh kalah NDP seh haha. Flag saner sini ke gantung. Lots of banners kene tie up. Den the div com one i was involve in the parade. Last min. IT was boggers lah. The fact that the warrants there like to samula the whole process tires us. My body still aches frm the whole process. Haha. Im not made for parade i guess. I belong in the wilderness with my men. Gettin bitten by mozzies n wads not. Better there than stupid ol parade square.

My gf got bitten by a rattlesnake in ozzie. Worries me to the max. Its like way unlucky for her lah, the fact that the probability of ppl running along the roads early morning and got bitten by a rattlesnake is very low. She nearly lost a leg. Thank God she is ok now. Just got discharged yesterday. Been praying for her health since.

ITs hard u see, cuz i've never experienced long distance relationship. I missed her alot. THe thing is dat im scared the feeling somehow goes away. Dats y everytime i kept remindin myself of her, how far shud i go, wad must i do. I dun wan to give up on dis relationship. I believe dis one can go far. Its just dat the thot of not seeing her for months is totally sucky. But im being patient. Tryin my very best to keep myself stable, if not, i can go crazy haha. Not gonna eat grass, no! haha.. ican just pray dat everythin goes fine.. I give it all to God.. N let Him manage how my life wud turn out to be.. Kalau jodoh tak ke mana, tk begitu..

Bloggin later. My mind is just too tired haha. Wanna nappy!! :)