How could dis happen to me..?

I dunno wad is wrong wif me.

I watched Kingdom Of Heaven just now, with my brother.

It made me realise how tough and how strong Saladin and his people are to their faith in God.

It made me realise that im so weak.

Im weak.

Im in confusion, in anarchy, in total chaos. My life is slipping.

Went out. It was nice, really. I hope ur reading dis. I enjoyed every bit of it.

But God tested my strength. He showed before me someone im not suppose to meet.

Him. Not the Lord. but him. The destroyer.

And nad says i shudnt blame anyone for wad had happened. I can't nad. I can't.

Im blaming myself, and him. For ruining evrything. Thanks for all that u did pal. May God have mercy on ur soul, infidel.

I hate him. In my eyes he was like, Renold De Chatolion. Mercilessly killed alot of Muslims. Like my heart. Like my dreams.

Now it is all shattered. I lost ML A. Lost everything. And he was like the pemangkin.

Salidin is my idol. He was a brave fighter. He died peacefully. He died with his heart praying for the millions of Muslims.

Salahuddin. Oh lord, bring me peace.

Im taking the solitude path to the Lord. And i shall return with pride and glory, and i shall promise to contribute to the Muslims. For now, i have embraced my destiny. My reason to live while i cud.

Im sorry, my gd frens. Drifting away to the sea shall i be. Pieces of me shall u receive. My broken wings shall u keep, in heart, in mind. For i must sail far away, to mend the undone, to find wad i have lost. I can't run away from the things that is happening. I must walk away to find what has been lost.

Nobody can understand this. Even if i explain, it'll bring much further pain. I must go. I must leave. My time is running up. Short has live been, and im smiling everyday to keep my soul and dreams alive.

Peace.

Dear Hazlami.

We shall be together at last. Forever. In the solitude clouds, i shall be there beside u, walking with u thru wadever means that may hurt u. In the lonelinest, shall u see me amongst the angels, that have protected u from all pain. But not love cud we put the pain away. But I'll be here with u. No matter wad. Now sleep, my brave one, and dream of the stars, planets, the flowers, the butterflies flying among the breeze, and on the hilltop, i shall wait to embrace u wif all the might of love i cud give to u.

Everything is gonna be alright. You are safe now, as long as im here. Gdnyt my brave knight. And let slumber soothe the ache in the emptiness.