Im outta time

This is a song from the newest oasis album, Dig Out Your Soul.

It is so soulful.

And it brings life to my empty nut.

As I ponder on the things that I've done wrong in this life. So many. So many unheard and heard.

Is God truly merciful? And only through this painful testimony shall I try and erase the sins that I've done. I must dedicate myself to the goodness of this life.

Does everybody deserve a second chance?

Im just scared that the kifarah would be a test that I can't bear. I am really shameful of myself. I am a bad person. I do not deserve paradise.

But I do not want to go to Hell either.

So how actually does a human spirit achieves God's Grace?

Does it fall under the term, submit? Submit can be a simple word, but to act upon such notion would be implausible. I see myself not able to submit fully. There are so many sins that I did. And I should be aware of it. Many of it I was aware off, but fail to stop.

Why is this so? Is this because my heart is darkened by years and years of unclean actions and thoughts? Is my mirror that tainted and dirty, until I can't even see myself in the mirror?

I can only see my own shadow. Grim and dead.

Oh Allah, bless me with your Grace. Have mercy on me. Have mercy. I beg you.

I am tortured by this guilt.

So do I deserve Lailatul qadar? I try my best to do good things, but in the end, the bad things always overcome the good deeds that I did. It can never be enough.

So does this thought, supports the notion of the relation to submit?

Submit. Hmm. To give my all, to the omnipotent being..

Must try.

PS:

If I'm to fall
Would you be there to applaud
Or would you hide behind them all
Because If I am to go
In my heart you grow
And that's where you belong

Its as though dian is whispering to me this very words. Sigh.

And thanks Wanpee. I do remember the incident in the bunk. And you were there for me. No words nor actions can ever replace such brotherhood. You are indeed a friend. Pray for me.

Cuz if I die, a good friend won't cry over my death, but instead, pray for me. And that is what I hope to achieve. To help others, so in turn when I die, people would pray for me. Its gonna be cold and dark in there.