pray for my farz.. she is very sick.. she is in a coma.. to all my dear frens, n perhaps my foes, i beg u..

pray for her, to all religions and races.. pray for her..

im broken without her.. i feel so lost.. so much pain.. so much remorse.. so much guilt..

i cant live without her.. god pls..

Allah Tuhan ku.. Zat yg Maha Penyayang.. Kasihanilah diri ini yang fana lagi hina.. Sesungguhnya aku tiada daya dan upaya ya Allah.. aku hanya mampu berdoa.. Zat yang maha penolong, berilah pertolongan kepada ku.. Dengan setiap dugaan telah engkau coba diri ini, namun ujian ini tk mampu bagiku untuk memikulnya.. Berikanlah kesihatan kpd wanita yg ku cinta ini dgn sejujur dn seikhlas hati.. Namun jika dikau ingin mengambilnya, masukkanlah dia bersama2 mereka yg bersabar.. dan matikanlah hati ini untuk mencintai yg lain.. dan hanya menunggu ketibaan dikau mengambil nyawaku dn bersatu kita bersama.. Ya Allah ya Tuhanku.. Aku ini hina.. hanya makhluk mu yg kerdil dan tk berupaya.. Ubahlah nasib kami ini ya zat yg menghilangkan segala kesusahan..

dengan berkat segala amalan ku, berkat kemuliaan Rasulullah, ibubapaku, guru-guruku, dan sahabat-sahabatku, berkat ku hadir dlm majlis besar maulid rasulmu, dan majlis2 zikr dan tasbih dan salawat.. berkat ku menolong ibuku dan menyayangiku.. kau berikanlah kami kesejahteraan, dan kebahgiaan, dunia dan akhirat..

i love you farz.. yesterday, today.. n forever.....

Abang?.. Ayang here.. Im in the hosp now sweetheart.. Im in the ward alreadi.. Im restin for e moment before the stupid docs start the checks and so on.. I wanna msg u, but i dont wanna disturb u sayang.. Ur gonna be in the jungle, training.. Must be havin a lot of preparations.. Cant be selfish and keep contactin u as much as i wanna.. Miss u sayang.. Loads and loads of love.. =(

Haiz, i feel so sick here alreadi.. Seeing all these sick ppl, the smell of medicine makes me quesy enough.. Luckily im in a single ward so im not disturbed or perturbed by any unsightly events here.. Ruz, thanks kak.. Thanks for being here wimme.. I love u kak... Haiz....

My Lord, I must survive.. Im strong enuf.. I'll look fear rite into its eyes as i always have.. I'll face fear and subdue it... Oo Lord, where's the warrior princess in me??.. Where's Lady Farz from the House of Syvel??.. Where is she in this dire moment when i needed her counsel most??.. Oo Lady Farz, falter this not.. Fulfil your oath to me once again... I summoned u and the Riders of Syvel!

Now is the hour to come,

Riders of Syvel, daughters of Damra!!

Foes and fire before you,

And your loved ones far behind..

Yet though you fight upon a foreign land..

The glory that you reap shall be your own forever..

Oaths ye have taken! Fulfil them all!

I need to fight this battle.. I must survive.. I must be strong... I must win it.. For my sake, for haz and that of my family.. I have lots to accomplish.. Lots to do.. Lots to see.. Lots to learn....

Mourn not Farzanna!..

For your Riders are here..

To fulfil their oath once again..

For the mighty will not fall..

When the mound is raised..

The women shall never weep..

For they shall be your standard bearers in battle..

For war now calls upon us!..

Its been long since i donned my battle gear.. Now i have to wear it again for my own decisive victory.. So help me God.. I'll survive sayang.. Ayang'll survive.. I love u sweetheart.. So much.. So very much.. Muacks...

Farz Loves Haz on Mon... 110607...

Kinda having a rough patch with haz past week.. He's been stretched busy n tired at work.. N i keep buggin him.. Led to probs i guess.. Perhaps its jus me, wantin him but i cant... Had some quarrels but make up eventualie.. Thank God.. I jus hate it wen he becomes a monster.. Cuz wadeva im tryin to say to him is not being "received properly" by him and his words tend to hurt me.. Lots... I knoe im not dat perfect and i knoe it takes two hands to clap.. But now, all is well, thank god.. And we're both smittenly in love now... Muacks!...

Well, wad can i say.. Erm.. My parents are in Msia now n my sis ruz is back wimme.. Apparently they're invited to attend PM Abdullah's weddin.. His new portugese-descent wife is a very very very distant relative of my mum's side.. Not realie close to Auntie Jeanne.. But well, off they went.. Hmm.. Not realie comfy wif the fact that he remarry again.. I knoe that perhaps its fate but its jus that he said realie love his 1st wife Endon.. N he stil loves her but he's fallin in love with another.. I mean wad e hell.. Thats not true love to ur !st wife isnt it? I dunno lar perhaps its jus my own principles in life.. Once i gave my heart to sumone, i cant love another.. N i mean it.. Haz should knoe wad im talkin bout.. Muacks!

Haiz.... Okae lar okae lar.. Wadeva it is, Selamat Pengantin Baru to Auntie Jeanne n erm Uncle Abdullah??.. Hurhurhur..

I gave him some of my piano music pieces that i played before when i was practising music.. Dont realie knoe how to put it in the blog, perhaps i leave that to my hubby.. Can sayang? Sayang abang.. Hmm.. Well, he loved my music good n was sayin that im so multi talented.. Im not baby.. Im not.. Maybe its jus dat my interest is there sweetheart.. I hope he puts it in his mp3 player, so he can listen to my songs anytime n anywhere.. N im in his thots..

=( Missed u sweetheart..

His family jus came back from a trip.. Think they went to Jakarta n Dubai if i could recall correctly.. N it seems that the whole family is sick now esp his mum.. Hope she's okae.. N my poor baby nasrun, my cute-lil-sexy-to-be-hunk-when-he-grows-up.. Hurhur.. Get well fast kae dear?.. Hmm.. Well, my darling has been tendin to the family's needs.. Cookin, washin etc.. So nice of him.. Wish im there wif him. I can help him out with e chores.. Perhaps it could be a feel of wads like if we're married later.. Hurhur..

Haiz.. Missed u sweetheart.. N ur goin to jungle for 3 days n 2 nites from Mon onwards.. Take care sayang.. Ur always in my heart dear.. Well, past days i have been cryin a lot.. Feelin kinda sad.. Cause i hafta be warded on Mon evening at the hosp for sum cardiovascular checks, tests n wad have u.. Tsk, im fine!.. Im okae!.. Why do you insist that i must get back!... Im strong!.... Sob... Abaaanng.... Ayang Scared.. Ayang Sad.. Ayang feelin lost n lousy.. Ayang hate goin to the hosp... Its a jail for me sayang.. A jail!... Even if im not sick, i feel sick there.... =(

I promised u i'll be strong sayang... I will.. Im strong... I will survive... So help me God.. Take care sweetheart.. Love u loads... I'll love u always... Muacks....

Farz loves Haz on Sun... 100607...

Sayang,

Im sorie that i have hurt you.. I didnt mean too sweetheart.. Im sorie that ayang did not do wads expected of me as ur gal.. I too feel upset bout it now..

Abang, ur my very first and last companion in my heart.. And you know that i mean wad i say.. I will not accept any other guy.. I cant live without u sayang..

I'd rather die than to not be with you...

God... I love you so much Haz...
Cried when i was playin this song on the piano...

Embun di pagi buta..

Menebarkan bau asa..

Detik demi detik ku hitung..

Inikah saat ku pergi..

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia..

Berikanlah aku hidup..

Takkan ku sakiti dia..

Hukum aku bila terjadi..

Aku tak mudah mencintai..

Aku tak mudah mengaku ku cinta..

Aku tak mudah mengatakan..

Aku jatuh cinta...

Senandungku hanya untuk cinta..

Tirakatku hanya untuk engkau..

Tiada dusta sumpah ku cinta..

Sampai ku menutup mata...

Cintaku sampai ku menutup mata...

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia..

Berikanlah aku hidup..

Takkan ku sakiti dia..

Hukum aku bila terjadi..

I love you sayang..

Gue akan senantiasa cinta kamu..

Muacks!

pain

im in pain..

"Fighting all the demons will take time.."

I got to heal fast.. cuz i feel so much pain i've never felt.. angst, sadness, it perturbs me..

I had to do it farz.. Im sorry.. Its the only way for you to realise how beautiful you are, n how much u need to love yourself first before you could love me..

Im none but a person with a black hole.. Empty like a vessel.. Thou i may seem to be cheerful and full of crap.. Haish.. I guess no one would ever understand how i think, how i feel..

There's more to abg then what ayg may think i am..

No matter what, I'll always love you, n i'll wait for you..

Hope you're reading dis, n the songs dat i wanted to pass you are all here for you to hear.. take care dear..

You seem to not understand what i meant by live in moments..

Someone taught me dis wen i was in jc1, she told me that life have to be taken a step at a time, and wen u live your life per day basis, things wud be better sumtimes..

She is quite true, but i'd rather live in moments that take my breathe away..

Let say, we are having a sweet time together eating ice cream.. I make that moment last forever, n it becomes more than a memory, a powerful patronus dat becomes a guardian..

And so, whenever im alone, in the woods, or mountains, tired and in stress, in need of an angel, all i need is to relive that moment, and it wud be enuf to make me smile that'll cheer me up the rest of the intense day.

Live by moments.. We have the power to choose which moments we wanna crystallise it to be a shell, so that whenever we feel so defenseless, we seek shelter from such shell, in that small confine space of shell, we find happiness that thou temporary, enuf to make us happy or smile..

It makes us stronger, or weaker..

All i need from you farz, is the understanding of this philosophy. This might just make us stronger...

Im always thinkin of you, day n nite..

Kau tercipta untukku farz, dan aku takkan hilangkan perasaan ini, kerna ia amat bangat sekali istimewa bagi ku. Aku tidak mampu menulis ia menjadi kata-kata, tapi hanya mampu ku suntik ia dalam irama bayu yang selalu meniup di mukamu pabila kau renung panjang di luar kamar..

Percayalah, kerna sesungguhnya hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu isi hati ini..

Its either we grow stronger, or we will fall. Its your choice. Thou im still angry, im cooling down.. I wanna make it happen ayg, n i cannot do it alone..

PS: i dunno wad to say alr. :(

smitten... :D

im having the life of passion n fun n love...

cuz my girlfriend did something none ever did in my entire life...

SHE BOUGHT ME A HARRY POTTER BOOK!!!!!!

And its the LAST SERIES!!!?!!

and i n u noe... dat mr hazlami here.. its a god damn fanatic freak of harry potter...!!!

Im like living my life with magic see..

If u look deep in my brain wen im like stoning or sumting, im nt picturing sexy hot ppl in jerseys, but im picturing myself having a wand in my hand n can wish for anything...

ANYTHING- thats a very likeable word, dun cha tink? haha..

I can just apparate to the mama shop, n back, or fly myself with a firebolt to orchard rd, or bring farz to sit with the moon n stars..

Or i can conjure myself two hands so dat they cud massage my backsoaken pain at the spine..
haha.. dream on loverboi..

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

Hahaha. im so high i can fly like superman n spin a web like spiderman, throw fire like torch, or zip my way thru like flash hahaha!!!

Im singing in the toilet again... :)

Mwah! U deserve a gd treat! :)

Gona take leave when u come back n spend like a week wiv u hahaha!

I think she does not understood the power of a voice.. Perhaps im a vocalist.. She would be gone for months, years.. N i feel broken again..

Whats happening to me.. I feel so numb.. Smiling means nothing but a facial concortion of wad is known as human body language. Laughing is nothing but gases of air pumped out from my lungs.

Perhaps i cannot swallow the cold truth that i wun be seeing her for a v long time.. I never have long distance relationship before..

Msging wun be enough.. Thats for sure.. I remember when i was in taiwan, n i cudnt msg her, i went thru 2-3mountains just to give her a voice msg on the phone to say that im fine and all.. N i walked 14km just to find a phonecard for me to use to make such voice msges..

The power of a voice is by far unimaginable to me.. A singer who sings a poem with the right rythmn wud touch ppl hearts more than a poet who recites them..

I called my mum after a long week of pure ops, n when i hear her voice, after so many days of not calling her, i missed her so much.. and it made me stronger.. n her advices became more than just a msg, it became words of love n comfort for me.. N thru that phonecall, i hear the sincerity of a mother's love to her son.. N when i reached home tonite, i hugged her so tite it took her 2 mins to endure my bear hug haha..

Perhaps u wud never noe the power of voice.. Face it hazlami.. Face the facts.. Dun be weak..

*wanna go to sleep.. in my warm cozy bed i call my own 'walls of heaven' where i find the most safest, most heaven-like place on earth.. where in the dark my heart beats light that gave me the warmth, n in the dark i seek shelter frm the cruel natures of life.. n i wanna dream, of meadows.. vast meadows.. with lots of flowers of many colours.. the gentle breeze.. the warm sun.. not too hot, n not too cold.. the birds chirping notes of lament beauty.. no mozzies.. n there, beside the meadows, is a small cottage, with a small garden of flowers that i grew. in the house there'll be a couch with a thick blanket infront of the fireplace.. my room up on the 2nd floor.. where the sides of the room have long windows.. n the roof has a curtain where when i pull it open, it reveals a window where i can see the sky.. n there i'll lay on bed, seeing the many stars that shine on me, n in the morn i cud see the sunrise to my left.. n the sunsets to my right.. *

beautiful slumber....

This blog entry is put up in response to those have yet to understand the love that me and Haz had for each other..

Yesterday, i was in the msn chattin while checkin my mails and stuffs when suddenly a guy "fren" of mine from msn get into a convo with me.. Apparently, news had spread bout me gettin attached and he soon begin questionnin me stuffs bout me n haz.. I didnt realie told him much since i view such stuffs as personal n private.. Same as in which my dad would told me to mind my own biz when im tryin to be kaypoh.. If i could quote daddy in his baritone voice, he'd bark as if i was his soldier... Hurhur!..

"RESTRICTED! STAFF IN CONFIDENCE!"

Coming back to dis issue of mine.. Dat guy then began condemnin n said stuffs which hurts me as i was readin.. Well.. simply said.. He might have liked me before.. He might have tried to court me.. He might have tried all sort of means to get me.. However u failed in ur quest.. Im not tryin to be a bitch here.. Im not a casanova, im not dat pretty.. There are other gals whose beauty surpassed me.. N for your info, i was hurt by u guys! Jus like u!.. I was hurt so bad that my past hurts and it still haunts me.. It was a trying period for me to get back on my two feet.. Luckily, my bro was around givin me all e encouragement n support i need to be the farzanna who i am.. Now, let me get this straight.. Hazlami won my heart fair and square.. With no sort of advantages given to him.. U could ask him that.. He tried his best.. I could feel his sincerity and his love.. And according to him, he now have sumthin which the rest dont.. The appreciation ofmany beauty of life, like love... So then.. The question remains..

Wad right do u have to say such hurtful words, not onlie to me but also to my haz?!

Look, u may have been tryin to get me but sorie u didnt make it.. I may sound mean but dats life.. U curse me? My love with him? Fine.. I'll keep quiet and not join this childish-swearing boo hoo game of urs.. Ur not even a gentleman to accept defeat.. Have u got no balls in doing so?

Let me get this straight and may it be etched in those mind who wished me or us ill.. Im not like many other gals out there which can be bought with materialistic riches.. Even if im so poor that u guys out there asked for my love just for a handful of rice, i'd rather die hungry.. This is the Farzanna whom i am.. I know wad loyalty n true love means.. I have my own principles in life and these are part of them.. N i shall stand by my principles, by my ground, till my last breathe.. In my heart, ther's room for 5.. The Almighty God, his Honourable Prophets, my family, loved ones.. And lastly Hazlami, who is occupying the most space in me.. Peace out bugger!

RUMIE DAN JULI

Rumie dan Julie.. Dua remaja saling bercinta.. Berjanji sehidup semati.. Bersumpah setia..

Kekal abadi oh.. Rumie dan Julie.. Lambang cinta yang suci dan murni.. Kasih sayangmu kekal abadi..

Hingga akhir nanti Oh... Rumie dan Julie.. Keabadian cintamu.. Menjadi lambang setia..

Saling cinta menyintai.. Antara sesama oh.. Oh.. Rumie dan Julie.. Lambang cinta yang luhur dan suci.. Tetap dikenang hingga kini.. Oh cinta.. Rumie dan Julie..

Muacks.. I love u sayang.. Take care..

Farz loves Haz on Tuesday... 220507...

Got sick today.. Down with my bouts of migraine flu n fever.. Damn it.. Hate being sick.. N there's no one to take care of me.. Didnt realie eat anythin for the past few days.. Had no appetite at all.. Unless u see my two bars of snickers as food of course.. Think dats all i ate for the past two days.. My hubby haz asked me to ate at least a bread.. N if he was here wif me, he would had force me to ate bread with him.. Sweet... Muacks.. Sayang abang.. But honey, dats not a good idea.. I'll vomit.. I knoe myself when im sick sayang.. Just missed u so much dear.. Wish ur hear wimme.. N for the fact that he's havin his 12 hrs duty in which our communication has to be minimalised since he's on duty.. Im beginning to miss my hubby more.. N there's no one home.. Been alone all day..

My family went to our private ranch for a day or two.. Takin a look at our horses, makin sure that the money my parents invested bear fruits.. Didnt wanna followthem, gotta take a 2hr long drive to our ranch.. Preferred to stay at home.. Well, it runs in e family.. All of us are avid horse lovers.. We love riding and i myself have two horses.. Perhaps one day, i'll teach haz how to ride one.. Hmmm... I'll make e horse run so fast dat he'll cry for me.. Hurhurhur!

Haiz.. Pity my hubby.. His back hurts.. Been complaining, i'll massage it if im wif u dear.. Serious.. U served ur duty well, standin for hours.. Must've been tiring.. Muacks *hugs*..

I'll send over the stuffs over to u okae? Hope u like it dear.. Jus a few stuffs i bought for u when i was shoppin.. Was thinkin bout you.. So, ya.. Bought some stuffs.. Specially for my dear sweet darling haz..

*Lookin forward to ur next day off sayang..* Muacks!

Farz loves Haz on Monday... 210507...
(contactable at cerca_trova_farz@hotmail.com)

Ops Bacinet - Protectors of Singapore, Silent and Deadly

Haha.. Its been a while since I've blogged.. Been busy man, got ops to do.. Real ops haha, get it u freaks at bmtc? Im in ops! Life rounds! haha.. So u better show respect to guys from the active unit that is really protecting your ass.. And ya, the country's economic interest.

Jurong Island- A land of opportunities for many investors. The air is filled with thick chlorinated gas and carbon dioxide waste. But still, the men of 4SIR never gave up, we pillowed thru the bitterness of this intoxicated land of petrol and chemical waste full of pride as protectors of Singapore..

Pilled up gentlemen! Lets go, I say to my men, as they went to draw their wives out and the thing dat keeps the terrorist out.. Live rounds..

Lock and load. Keep sharp gentlemen. Where's your posture Andrew? Shag ah? Lampa lah. I make you stand more then you noe. Dats how i usually say to my men. Gota keep the posture there. Fingers outside the trigger. Hands buckle. Stand straight, no standing on one leg. Keep your face cool calm and dangerous. Shades, wear them. Show your force. Your power..

My men and I were tested again, dis time the lab rats of the company, going in first, and taking the toughest sector in the whole ops, the imigration sector. Many people, bangla, thai, spore, china workers clustered together and make noise when they went up the bus to work in the island. The air is filled with carbon monoxide, carbon, smoke, sweat.. It was tough. Cameras were everywhere. We have to stand straight for hours. Shifts. I made schedules for them. But i have to sacrifice. Cudnt sit for 8 hrs straight. Standing and walking and reassuring my men n pushing them to show force and not yield. It was the toughest i felt. When it ended, it was satisfying. After my shift, the rest of the men from my company got better welfare with an extra 2 men. 7 v/s 9 men including me is alot you know.

My back hurts. My shoulders are aching from the weight of our sbo. But i still find it cool haha. Shades, pda, comms set, weapon, LIVE ROUNDS..

Anytime there is aggression, the rules of engagement is applied. Cock it, stop or i'll shoot!

Haha.. Din Dang Danger Dangerous!



PS: Penat sey ayg, dah kat saner penat, balik pon penat hehehe *thinkin*, but i like...

Miss you.. Come back to SINGAPORE!!! I'll PROTECT YOU!! HAHA!

And thanxs farz honey, for the stuffs u bought.. byk sgt.. hehehe..

The fallen of 3SG Isz Sazli- a soldier, a loyal son, a trusted friend, an honourable man

I am in mourn for the death of my best buddy in college, Isz Sazli. When i heard the news, I didn't know it was him till i heard it from my brother. I just msged him like 2 weeks ago saying good luck n prayers since he was going off to taiwan, and i just came back from it. N now, i cannot msg him anymore. It hurts if i think about it. Somehow, when i saw the sand falling on his remains in his grave brought back many memories of us.. Like a falling time capsule that turns out to be poison that killed me slowly..

Isz Sazli was the first friend i made when i first step into Anderson Junior College. Like a loyal and friendly buddy, it was like love at first sight as friends. I remember it as clear as the waters flowing from the alps. It was friday. He asked me, hey there, are u goin to the mosque?

I said, yeah. U coming with me? Wads ur name buddy?

He said, My name is Isz Sazli.

At first, i thot, hey, dis guy got sum problems with his 's' pronounciation, haha. But i shrugged it off that thought. I asked him again,

"Isz Sazali?"

No! He insisted. Its Isz Sazli. Till then, everytime people speak his wrong name, he will put his foot down and say, its sazli, not sazali.

Thats him.

His a guy with never a shrouding face. Always bright n sunny. Smiles everywhere. I remember buddy, you helped me when I liked you classmate, aishah. And u helped me. I still got the small cat tag that aish wanted me to have n asked u to give it to me. Its in my hands now. Haish..

N when aish left, n when i thot my life was crashing down on me, I remember buddy, ur the only friend who put ur warm big arms around me with full of sincerity, n said, "Its ok haz. Let it go. She'll realise one day that its not worth it leaving u like this. Coz she is leaving the best guy i have ever met"

Haish. I asked him to accompany me to join the kompang team, n there, we enjoyed as much as we can. He helped out when my uncle got married. Ramlie, Haikal n my bro never stopped bullying him. Still remember that nick burg video yeah buddy? But he liked it. Cuz we are his friends. N even thou they like to beat him, from a far, i see hime smiling happy, because we are his friends in college.

When we turned jc2, n my bro's batch left, he felt alone. The other malay people didnt like talk to him that much. I remember a friend of mine loved to taunt and teased him bout his ways n his words.. He didnt show up during his funeral, bless that guy, cuz i dunno whether he already asked for forgiveness. He stayed on wimme. He supported me incredibly, lining up the student council to favour me during the AJ IDOL 2005, he was wiv the crowd enjoying the music. N after the competition, he came up to me, smiling, and said, "Good job haz!"

Haish. The last time i saw him was during BMT. He wanted to be an officer, as a regular. The thing that make me feel guilty was the fact that i discourage him, i told him not to, just be a specialist, more rewarding.. Haish..

Things would be much simpler if he hadnt been to taiwan. You cud have reported sick or sumting buddy! But y?! Y did you go.... I leave your family, your fav lil sister whom u always say u wanna protect her? Leaving me?

On the Friday, 11th May 2007, I, Hazlami, lost a very good friend. My best buddy. In the field of duty.

Do u remember buddy, when you told me, i wish i cud be like you haz. People respect u, loved u. Nobody liked me. Even Zoey (his crush).

Now, Isz, u have the whole nation mourn for you. A death so honourable that many would die for.

Thank you for all the things. Thank you for all the help. Thank you. Buddy.

:(

Has been some days since myself or my darling haz has blogged..

Well, Haz is in mournin for the lost of his buddy 3SG Isz Sazli (May God Have Mercy On Him) who was killed in Taiwan due to a crashed fighter plane mishap. Both of them were buddies while in college..

It was such an irony.. Gotta know this news first hand from my bro in the morn who is with the SAF Medical Corps.. When i msged him askin him, How haf u been? N wad r u doin? My bro replied he was feelin sad.. Told me a servicemen died in Taiwan, he was his schoolmate in Broadrick Secondary School.. (refers to the aruah)

He was doin some emergency overseas screening for some SAF doctors who was activated to go to Taiwan to be on site there.. How sad was dat sia.. I wouldnt be able to take it seh knowing ur fren died n ur clearing servicemen to be flown there immediately.. Felt sad that such a tragedy has happen..

In the evening, msged Haz that this incident took place.. The mishap thing.. He didnt know that it was his college buddy.. When he found out, he was so so sad... Neva saw him this sad before.. Haiz.. Deja vu.... Now both him n my bro is in mourning...

However, let us not forget that as a soldier, a national servicemen, 3SG Isz Sazli was discharging his sacred duty of service to the country.. My dad, a retired Lieutenant Colonel, told me that it is the highest honour for a soldier to die.. To die for his beloved country that all soldier swore to fight and defend irregardless in time of peace or in war.. He too told me that when he was in service, eventho he was sad doin military exercises overseas, at times months, nearly years.. He too felt down and misses us at home.. But then he knew that as a soldier and as an officer, the country comes first.. By protecting, defending and fighting the country, they are protecting their loved ones at home..

The conversation i had wif dad was enriching but then, i told him,

"Ayah, if u had died the death that way, i dont think all of us would be able to take it.. I mean its easier said than done.."

Then dad replied..

"If that happens.. Then farz, kakak n mama should be proud of ayah.. Cause ayah died for the country.. Im a hero to the country.. Ayah mati syahid.. As promised by God, i will have a place in heaven where i'll pray for all of you to come and join ayah there.."

Tears welled up in my eyes when dad said that.. I couldnt imagine the sadness of the aruah's family.. All i could say is that.. My deepest condolences is wif them..

3SG Isz Sazli..

al-fatihah...

For his honourable death, i placed here a bugle music piece "The Last Post". It is a bugle call used im military funerals and in ceremonies commemorating those who have fallen in war. One that is beffiting to the sacrifice of 3SG Isz Sazli...

://www.lastpost.be/mp3_lastpost.html

** Last Post was originally a bugle call used in British Army camps to signal the end of the day. The name derives from the practice of inspecting all the sentry posts around such a camp at the end of the day, and playing a bugle call at each of them. The "last post" was thus the last point of this inspection, and the bugle call signalling that this post had been inspected marked the end of the military day. It is alo a calling for soldier to "go home" to their barracks...

To Haz- Was tryin to blog sum stuffs today, but suddenly not in e mood after seeing sumthin.. I'll blog tomorrow.. Farzanna.. Ciaoz..

Well, wad happen durin e week? Hmm.. well, past monday which is about two days ago somethin did happen.. Everythin was fine till in e evening.. Haz was feelin down wif his ippt 2.4km timing.. N i sensed sumthin wrong wif him.. His way of msgin was different.. When i enquired, i too kinda say e wrong thing dat make him upset further.. If im not mistaken his timing was 9m 45sec? 9m 46sec? Well i told him,

"Dats not too bad.. But ayang can run faster than u! Hurhur!"

That reply kinda upset him.. He asked to be alone n was cold to me.. Was damn hurt n angry cause he didnt tell me wad was he feelin down about.. Nevertheless, i acceeded to his request.. Gave him time off.. Next day, when he gave me his usual mornin msg, i didnt reply.. My turn to merajuk.. then we had a good talk over it.. Tried to console my darling here, givin my warmth n comfort.. Alas, he feels better now.. My sweet haz is back wimme.. Hurhur. Now, i cant wait for weekends to come for us to have our own private moments together!..

Muacks.. Sayaang u..

ps: i wont let ur past recurr again dear.. realie.. love u lots..

Farz loves Haz on Wednesday, 090507...

Well, erm.. How should i put it? Im haz's gal.. Told him to do a new blog for us but he suggested sharin his blog instead.. God i feel weird doin dis but he'll like it la.. Tsk3..

So yea, for starters, my name is farzanna n i gotta knoe haz from a fren of my bro.. Both of em are apparently in the same camp, had a hunch dat both of em and their mates were busy sharin gals's contact n i was one of e poor victims.. NS so free yea?! Shud gif all of u extra duties.... Imagine dis yea? N how would u react?

"Heyz.. do you mind me intro u to a fren of mine?"-taufiq
"Huh? Ur fren? Who"-farz
"My NS buddy.. Can? If u mind, then i dont give.."-taufiq

At dis point of time, my mind was like WTH.. I didnt reply my fren's msg then and if my memory proves me rite, he asked me e same quest a day or two later..

"Eh, how? Can i intro u to my fren? If u dont like too, then i wont.."-taufiq
"Why? Has he been buggin u?"-farz
"No la, dat time u didnt reply.. He asked me again today.."-taufiq
"Sure, go ahead.. Get it over and done wif..."-farz

U might haf sense my cold answer, was a bit pissed off actualie.. Like who's dis guy sia.. Jus wen i finished my iwn own private thots, came dis msg from haz.. He ranted in malay which i dont realie quite understand since i neva learned malay b4.. But luckily, i picked up bahasa indonesia which i learned from my indo frens wen i was in United World College.. (Oi! Gue rindu bangat sama lu!!) So i catch a bit here n there.. He send me a sajak or wadeva talkin bout the moon, heart, soul, frens n wad haf u.. I was like Oh! Oh! Danger! He's a mat?? Hurhur..

"Erm, sorie i dont understand wad ur tryin to say.. I dont understand malay.."-farz

Hurhur.. needless to say, his luring method failed him.. His buddy didnt forewarned him on my lack in proficiency for malay language.. Kwang Kwang Kwang!! Hurhur.. As days goes by, he msged me often.. A bit irritatin at times but, he was sweet n caring, e msges became more frequent too.. Tested his patience a few times n he tried to remain cool but i saw thru him.. Wen he tried to do e same, he couldnt.. I always won dis "match".. Hurhurhur..

Well, seconds became days.. Days became weeks n then months.. Soon, we were edging closer n closer.. Our msges became more smitten n private.. Words such as "honey, darling, dear, sayang, abang" were in used.. N all of a sudden we're attached.. He didnt realie pop out the Q, perhaps its incognito? The feelings were jus comfy enuf to be brought up to e next higher level.. N e few remaining days b4 taiwan, i knew dat i realie love dis guy.. N so does he.. Taiwan was realie a testing point for us..

1) Had frequent quarrels n misunderstandings..
2)Had some probs wif his former u knoe who....
3) Didnt get to msg often..
4) Faced some probs back at home wif my dance partner.. Haz's upset he couldnt do anythin..
5) Haz had to be away for some exercise
6) Haz lost his hp.. Contacts decline.. (FRUST)
7) Used his fren's mobile to msg me.. Can u imagine dat he used bout 3 or 4 ppl's mobile to msg me? How e hell sia i knoe which one he's wif or to msg at? (Grr!)
8) Lastly.... I hafta leave S'pore for Australia n soon London..
9) Our plans of wad we'ld do wen he got back home was dashed....
10) Haz was sad, Farz was sad.. *sob sob* Haiz...

So yea.. im in australia now.. Puttin up wif my relative's house wif my family.. Missed him lots n lots..

N yet again, he was bothered by sum "OUTSTANDING" issues which greatly affected me.. Was so bothered by it dat i decided to go for a run at 3am-4am in the morn.. I asked my sis who was wif me to accompany me.. As soon as i changed to my runnin attire, i jus ran out of e house as fast as i could without waitin for my sis.. Tryin to run as hard as i can to release my emotional self dat couldnt take it any longer.. My sis senses dat somethins not rite brought e dog along n trailed behind.. I heard e dog running close n catches up wif my pace till it stops n yelped loud barks at me when a rattling noise became more audible.. Thot it was a cricket or somethin so i didnt gave heed.. All of a sudden i saw somethin sprang up, n i felt a sharp pain at my leg.. I was bitten by a rattlesnake n was unconscious for e next few hours.. Wen i woke up, i was in hosp.. Was havin a high fever, difficulty in breathin n my leg became blue in colour.. All i could say was "Nak ayah"..

Nearly lost my leg.. How horrible... N nearly broke off wif haz.. Luckily we pulled thru... He felt guilty, so am i.. Well, currently we're still goin strong wif my darling haz.. Hurhur..

Till next time...

ps: Muacks.. I love you sayang.. *Long hugz n sweet kisses*
And oh ya! Lucinda! U bitch! U won e FHM GALS NEXT DOOR?!! Hurhur! I couldnt join sia.. Dis guy wont let me.. Enjoy the glory while it lasts yea!..

Farz loves Haz on Sunday, may 06, 2007....

It felt like a hundred years since i blog. haha. damn.

Penat giler seh, just came back from last min duty.

Things were quite chaotic eversince i came back from taiwan.

My gf didnt get to pick me up cuz she went to australia n later goin to london for her studies.
The duty list isnt ready yet, so it makes the whole thing cock up. This whole week was rehearsals for the parade. CO changing of command parade. And Division Com Change of Command parade. The first latter i was involve in the deco of the battalion. oh it was freakin tiring uh. Mcm nk sambut president of singapore. Bleh kalah NDP seh haha. Flag saner sini ke gantung. Lots of banners kene tie up. Den the div com one i was involve in the parade. Last min. IT was boggers lah. The fact that the warrants there like to samula the whole process tires us. My body still aches frm the whole process. Haha. Im not made for parade i guess. I belong in the wilderness with my men. Gettin bitten by mozzies n wads not. Better there than stupid ol parade square.

My gf got bitten by a rattlesnake in ozzie. Worries me to the max. Its like way unlucky for her lah, the fact that the probability of ppl running along the roads early morning and got bitten by a rattlesnake is very low. She nearly lost a leg. Thank God she is ok now. Just got discharged yesterday. Been praying for her health since.

ITs hard u see, cuz i've never experienced long distance relationship. I missed her alot. THe thing is dat im scared the feeling somehow goes away. Dats y everytime i kept remindin myself of her, how far shud i go, wad must i do. I dun wan to give up on dis relationship. I believe dis one can go far. Its just dat the thot of not seeing her for months is totally sucky. But im being patient. Tryin my very best to keep myself stable, if not, i can go crazy haha. Not gonna eat grass, no! haha.. ican just pray dat everythin goes fine.. I give it all to God.. N let Him manage how my life wud turn out to be.. Kalau jodoh tak ke mana, tk begitu..

Bloggin later. My mind is just too tired haha. Wanna nappy!! :)

tian kong hui de xiang ku guo
The sky is so gray that it looks like it just cried

li kai ni yi hou
After leaving you

bing mei you gen zi you
(I) did not regain more freedom

suan suan de kong qi
(From) the air

xiu chu wo men de ju li
(I) smelt our distance

yi mu zui xin de jie ju
A heart breaking ending

xiang hu xi ban wu fa ting xi
is continuous just like breathing

chou ti fan huang de ri ji
The yellowing diary lied in the drawer

zha gan le hui yi
(had) pressed dried [our] memories

na xiao rong shi xia ji
That smile is summer

ni wo de guo qu
Our past

bei shun shi zhen de wang ji
Has been forgotten as time goes by

que yang guo hou de ai qing
Love after anoxia (lack of oxygen)

cu xin de yan lei shi duo yu
Careless tears are unnecessary

wo zhi dao ni wo dou mei you cuo
I know that the fault is not in either one of us

zhi shi wang le ze me tui hou
We just forgot how to step back

xin shi dan dan gei le cheng nuo
We made promises to each other with confidence

que bei shi jian pu le kong
Yet it has been emptied by time

wo zhi dao wo men dou mei you cuo
I know that the fault is not in either one of us

zhi shi fang shou hui bi jiao hao guo
Its just that letting go would make
things easier

zui mei de ai qing hui yi li dai xu
The most beautiful love is to be continued in [my] memory

19 days till im done..

Taiwan is such a boring place.. I have to walk like 2.5km just to use a com so slow i can actually break the screen.. Just now i walked/run like 7km to town just to find a 7eleven shop to find hp cards but they do not sell them, stupid buggers..

All they do is ching chong ching chong, den eat sireh, den stone, den eat,den stone.. sheesh.. makes me proud to be born in spore den hahaha..

19 more days to go.. 3 days to prep. 10 days of mission. 2 days packup. 3/4 days to RNR!!!!

N the weird thing is dat i just cannot wait to go into the wild, kinda miss e mountains haha..

its freAkin cold out there, every nite its like typhoon or sumting, makes my balls shrink to the size of peanuts.. i was shivering all e way, n i kinda talk to myself most of the time *told ya taiwan is stupid, makes ppl go nuts* cuz i need to like, comfort myself most of the times.. its so cold.. n i miss my lover so..

i noe inoe.. you have to go.. so hurry back home.. i miss you so..

(army song haha)

the wind blows so strong there was a time i had to bend forwards just to walk up e mountains.. thou it was doin us a favour by blowing off those stupid mosquitoes away haha, but still, id rather sleep with bites then shivering like f***

speakin of which, when RnR comes, i dunno wad to buy haha.. wad i noe is, i must buy sum shirts for myself, maybe another pair of shoes (my mum's gonna kill me, i have 6 pairs alr haha) sum accessories i guess, kinda like the caps they got here, so original.. shades perhaps, socks!! n erm, maybe sum coats or blazers.. sum things for my lil bros.. a jersey or baseball shirt for dad, mum doesnt wan any, *bedek* e last time i was at taiwan, i bought her dis necklace, its like this blue gem that only in taiwan u can find it, haha, special ryt, got it from sum uni fair there..

and.. wanna buy for my darling sumting too.. *i gave u a hint alr haha, but not just dat :)* was thinkin of getting her like sum cute small stuff, maybe small teddy bears or sumting, or maybe sum cute stuff i can find in taipei n kao shiong.. hehe, maybe perfume or sumting at the airport..
but darling u tell me uh wad type of perfume u like, i dunno wad, nanti salah beli kene marah hahaha.. sedih!

it wud be just like before, the malayu, all bunch up together n go shopping! it will be fun i guess. like duck n chicken trying to talk haha. the thing abt taiwan is dat the gurls here find dark skin guys cool n cute haha.. last time i went there, we were in this pierce n ring shop..a fren of mine went in there n wanted to buy a ring.. instead, he got a kiss by the gurl, n all we do is trying to bargain in chinese.. haha, stupid idiots *ayang, abg tk kene tau, hehe, abg promise i keep my hands in my pocket, zip up tite 247 till i come back haha*

then instead of shopping, we took pic with them, old n young haha.. the taiwanese people are really friendly with foreigners..

anyways, my darling suggested a blog just for me n her. I wanted to make it now, but stupid blogger, its all in chinese!!!!! ARGH!!!

trying my best here haha.. ard 12pm im leaving to bauli camp alr, so i nt sure there got internet or not.. but if got tym im venturing out (sneak out if i say haha)

Wondering wad she is doing ryt now..

*miss you ayang............................muackz*

sori for not updating

long time i never blog, i think i need to revamp it, give it a new look considering i have a new life haha. its old and totally yucky, but i have no time to revamp it. Any ideas? was thinkin of a simple blog, just relax kinda look, 2 3 pics here n there.

Im in taiwan btw, for sum exercise and training. Typing my way in sum rough up shackout building 15m away from the gate, n i kinda got myself shock. They got internet here?!?! Cool man.

Oh btw, i have good news for u peeps. I am NOT SINGLE ANYMORE!! Though i must admit i broken my vows to remain single till im 30, but wad the heck!! haha.

Met this gurl, her name is farzanna (got ur name right nw darling hehe) thru a friend of mine. At first the courtship was rough, given that she was very garang (ooohh, i like!!) macam jual mahal ah gitu. That point of time i forgot how she look, until about a few days later my friend show me her pic and i was stunned. She was absolutely beautiful, stunningly swanlike beauty that tore open my deepest soul. She was so sweet (u noe i fall easily on that one) i was melting.. like an ice cream sittin blatantly under the hot sun beside macs. And her personality, her character was so near perfect i knew i must break my vow and try my best. And i tried and persistenlt tried. There were many times i got garang msges, but at last i fond her soft button that wen i pressed it with my sincerity, i knew i got her. and when i did, i felt so overjoyed, i never felt like this before in my entire life. like im flying straight to the gates of heaven n back.

Kk, enuf saying. I shall describe it to ya since she is not ready yet to show herself to the world.

She is like, a mixture of german, arab, chinese etc etc, pan asean i daresay. Lovely skin, so pure white n her eyes are demure n sweet sparkling like freshwater from the mountains. She's from United World College, clever fella, and a musician too. How perfect for me! So she can play the piano while i rest my head on her shoulders and sing along. Her father's an ex major (YES SIR!!) n her mum, im nt sure hehe. She's a high flyer, but the thing bout her is that, she's more than willing to live in my middle, humble life of mine.

And i tell you, we are absolutely in lurve.. purr...

Although im in taiwan ryt nw, its hard on her u see. Im like her first bf, (she's 17 btw, but she look mature enuf for my childish babyish face of mine) n she'd sumtimes go stressed up. N im very worried u see. I dun wanna lose her, like i lose the rest. This one however, i wanna bring it, step it up n want it to be very very long.. I can see her as my future wife if u ask me.. She's a good person at heart n mind, young n challenging, fit! (her 2.4km best timing is 9.45, take that silver passes!!) n fun.

Its too early to say, but i wanna enjoy this moment together.. So off the record, honey baby, i miss u, and i love you so so much. Remember, the other gurls are just plain rejects from my life, you're the one that i need. Dun wori yar, abg here to take care of you.

Taiwan is a majestic place to train, its cool (more of frozen to me) and less vegetation (a big thumbs up for us soldiers cuz we don't need to bash through the shit). But they have one thing that kept my nails bitten everytime.

Dogs. Oh i hate them (sori darling, dis one i cannot agree with u) and i fear them. Its just that everytim this creatures of hell come up to me, they'll either growl n show their ugly smelly teeth, or they bark n spit out filth. Wth. ANd u noeme, ever since the day i was chase by this ultra dog, i fear them. And the thing is, there's soooooo many of them. One day taiwan will fall to the dogs i tell you, once they got the brains to rule the world. It'll be, Taiwan, Dog City haha. They breed like virus.. They got no control, they just keep on having sex and breed and sex and eat and sleep n then sex again. Goodness me, if men are like dogs, they'll have a jolly good ride, while women may just make good ties with the federal home for the children hahaha.

and the poop everywhere, how to walk sia?!

I must say, the govt shud do something about this creatures. Its making me nuts! I got stressed up everytime i see one.

Im slackin my ass off her, im under the atec umpires (they are like referees in a battle), and fromthe moment i touch down till now, all i do is eat, sleep, pspying, run, play soccer, sleep again, bathe, gossip, roll ard the blanket (i tol ya its freezing here). Madness, but if everyday like dat, i wanna sign on hahaha!

Got to go, my gf just msg me, require my immediate attention. Da!

Guys or gurls dun get jealous i got myself a preety lady, its just fate, u may say haz is a jerk, a playboy, nak yg cantek je, but wad to do. Im just like dat. But this one i will keep, n if got permits it, wanna make her my wife..

Peace.

Im back

Heya guys. Lost touch now eh. Don't blame me, blame the government. I don't mean for it to turn out this way.

Anyways, it feels good to type again, after months and months in the jungle. Through tough and trim, i manage to outlast and outplay to be a survivor.

Of the Mandai Jungle haha.

Goodness, NS is a shock for me. I didn't expect anything, lest the outcome of the whole 2 years of NS would deprive me of my sleep, culture, habit, and not to mention, CIVILISATION!!!

And NS tore me apart. I broke up 2 times!! 2 times!!! Sheesh, im bad.

Im not sure where to begin with. Hmm. But what i know, im going off to overseas dis sat, 2 dec. Not coming back for a long long time.

Ns provided me with the platform to build my confidence in myself and in people (not to mention being the fittest in the company, with SOC (standard obstacle course) timing of 7.56s, and 2.4km run of 8.30s! I felt like i was blasting through the air when i ran. Thanks to the army, im fit, healthy, string and handsome haha.

I also provided me with a list of good friends. I remembered a time in the jungle, we had 2 more hours to go, the trench was 3/4 deep, and i was sick due to an overdose of Sampoerna cigarettes (yeah, i picked up smoking here, but rest assured, i only smoke in the jungle, and maybe when im anxious haha).

I pleaded like a dog. "Din.. Manoor, tolong, aku sakit.. Maricar dah down. Aku dah down. Takde org nak continue. Tolong din.."

With a whipped of tartan, Mannor Khan, 48kg, brushed in like a fierce hunter, picked up the cangkul, lighted a cigarette, and said. "AKu ade, aku ade. Jap jap. Kasi aku 1 jam."

When i woke up, it was all done. Swee lah! Uplah!

They are the bestest of friends. To measure a friend, is when they are at the shag point, where everbody is tired to the max, they are the ones who will give the extra hand. And for that, i told them when we PO, "Eh, korang jgn lupa aku tau. Korang kawan baik aku."

NS opened up to me the art of appreciation. Whenever i come home, i hugged my mum. I don't know why, but i felt happy whenever i do so. I missed her, really. And whenever i step into the house, i smile. I tell myself, hey, im home, im safe.

Though there were a few bad ones. In bmt, i broke up with my chinese gf. Then in sispec, i broke up with my childhood friend. Great. Utterly great.

Reason?

The chinese one gave me loads of problems. In the end, i ditched her. Takleh angkatlah. I was increasingly becoming a signaller you know. Every hour must msg her. Tell her where i am. Of course im in tekong what. Maner ade pompuan kat situ sak? Makcik kantin aderlah. Abeh kalau jumpe, tknk kasi org balik rumah. She got the heart to make me choose, her or NS, or family. I chose the ditching. Stupid witch.

Yg lagi stau tu aku tknk sharelah. tmkh for the understanding yer.


My good friend Luqman got intro me this gurl from TP. Integrated Program dok. Umur muda dah pandai nk mampos tak cam aku. Her name is Syakira.

How to describe eh? She very white lar, pretty and sweet. My taste what. Fair and sweet. But i not sure lah. We haven met yet. And she is the type reply msg lambat nak mati. Smapai dah tido seh org. (Luqman ade warn aku pasal ni)

Not that i want to eat her up or what lar, but what i think is that she is scared of me. Haha, you know my first msg to her was the MOST LAMEST piece of crap i've evr typed. All thanks to Manoor Khan. Tulah aku nk msg korang kacau.
Gtg. blog later.