Saturday, March 29, 2008

Today was hectic at work. Will update again to exaggerate more. And wads more, my team comprises me and 4 girls, just DAT! and the guys have the chick to ask me, eh, ko untong ah dpt chixs power, intro pat aku ah.. I kept quiet, thinking, wtf, im here to work, not to look for chix, just wanna earn a living so i can giv sum to mum whom i think needs sum cash..

n ya, after work, it was a hell fun, will update u guys more tmr once i have my sleep..

I'll call it, the journey to west- no east- um, i tot it was north- no no, its by the huge tree, according to the map...

hahahaha.. wokeh, den in the nyt, i heard this guy play on the guitar this song called 'Gadis Gelapku'..

Wad does the phrase mean? As in, gelap meaning a crush? but accocrding to the lyrics he really do loves this person, so it can't be a crush! so wad is it?

maybe a love that the guy thinks he cannot obtain, maybe the girl doesnt give back wad the guy gives, or maybe the guy is shy, and this is how he conveys his feelings to her.. Aww.. dats so sweet ah, unlike nowaday guys who blatantly says, eh bleh mintak nombor? den msges, a few dates, den can say its love? den after dumping her, he'd say we dun have chemistry? well brother, women deserve better than that. period.

And so this is dedicated to those good guys who are gentleman enough to keep their feelings to themselves till the time is really ryt for him to really say the words that are really sincere and just..

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...

Ku tahu ku takkan selalu ada untukmu
Disaat engkau merindukan diriku
Ku tahu ku takkan bisa memberikanmu waktu
Yang panjang dalam hidupku

Yakinlah bahwa engkau adalah cintaku
Yang ku cari selama ini dalam hidupku
Dan hanya padamu ku berikan sisa cintaku
Yang panjang dalam hidupku...

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...

Ooh...

Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku


this song is utterly touching, it really goes straight deep down, i do not know why, but flashes and images of wad cud be, wad cud not be, wad had happen, and the possibilities dat if..

im lost. everytime i hear this song, its like i just go blank, and like my brain auto-isolates my innerself and bring me to a place where i'd usually run away from it.

it shows a lot about me, im a guy who lives in a self-denial world, always saying i can't, i can't, i cannot do it anymore.

maybe i cannot. anymore. but if dats the case, why?

haish. all i need is a person who can make me smile, i kurangkan criteria dia la, takpayah buat i ketawe, stakat gitu ok ah, let me do the jokes.

let me do the jokes. sigh. an unpaid joker.

Oh well, back to slumber land.


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I dun wish to say much, cz im having a terrible cold and a fever. Plus, the aircon over there at IRAS is freaking freezing. With so much tests and information overloading my sick brain, all i cud say is-

I want an Ice cream.

But still it doesnt satisfy me. I paid 1 dollar for that ice cream ok?

But its kinda fun knowing all the loops and hidden crannies of the tax acts. When I work with them, I go with the government. But when im outta of dat freezing place, i would go like-

Koaja je system tekan rakyat.

Haha. *cough* sigh.

Tmr got practical, so at least im up for it i guess.

Oh ya, one more thing. What I noticed there is that, every time I do not have a pen to sign the book-in files and stuff, there would be a girl offering me their pen. And I think this is the only place where I exchanged smiles like every moment. Am I too friendly? *scratches head* or maybe cz I look young and hence they thot im sum 18-19 yr old guy waiting for NS?

Bullshit. Never judge the book by its cover.

I may look young and may act childish sometimes, but decisions made and life exp made me more wiser and made me think more critically about certain issues that affect us as general.

Da.

HAAAACHOOO!!

*wipes nose*

I hate being sick. :(

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Yesterday was fanatic seh. First it was kelas agama late morning. Then the cock up started.

It was a frenzy, i tell u. First of all, the plan was unplanned. I'll list it out.

1)2.45pm @South View meet up w ma Hongkah Pri Peeps cz Nurizan is getting engaged and im supposed to link up with Aini, Solihin and Nisa.

2)3.30pm bring out ma 2 cuzzie from ma mum's side to go for swensens. Not confirmed

3)4.30pm go out have ice cream @ swensens w ma 4 cuzzie from ma dad's side. Not confirmed too.

4)9am play soccer w ma CCK peeps @ Yew Tee.

5)6pm meet up w Kamarul and ma CCKSS peeps go Beach Rd

6)5-6pm link up w Wanpee go Karaoke


So it was hectic. I totally missed the soccer part cz i woke up late as per norm. Den I went to ma religious class without my bro cz he got sum NUSMS stuff to settle. Finish quite early. So I hitched a ride from this pakcik from dat class to Woodlands Causeway Point. Reason? To burn time and have lunch since I was way too hungry. I actually thought of fainting seh haha. Damn weak. And the reason why I went to CWP was that, god, it has been ages since I ate there. Like what, 2004? That time I always go there have lunch cz I met up w Aishah my first love back then and spent quite sumtime there studying too since CWP is the centre btwn AJC and home. S

So I followed back memory lane, took the same path that I went by a gazillion times back then and went to the food court to have my fav Sweet Sour Chicken Rice at the Cavana Express.

I was msging 4 counterparts at the same time. NO 2 plan went backfired. So I go with NO 3. But shit I suddenly remembered Im supposed to meet up with plan NO 1. So I rushed to the MRT and went to South View. But the shit thing is dat, it was only Aini there. God she was pretty. Haha. The last time I saw her was in 2005. Now look at her, all grown up. Art Teacher summore haha. So we chatted abt past history and crap. Nisa was late as usual. Qisya anak dia plak nk ikot. So we walked to Nurizan's house and met up with Solihin.

He is fat. Period. Ape? Berisi? Taik. Fat means fat. Period. Haha.

We went up and saw the Pengantin. Ok, normal terms ryt, Pengantin is referred to the person getting married. Keyword: Married. But she is just getting engaged. Getting married 2 years later. So why the fuss.

"Mane pengantin? Mane dia?"

Taik. Haha. Ni lah budaya melayu, macam paham je.

We sat and ate and talked hell of a lot of cock. How Aini still got the 's' pronunciation wrong, how I use to bully her, get her to pass her homework around so we can copy haha. Gosh I miss those golden days. No stress. Always playing and having innocent fun. They all brought up a good point too. That I maser Tahun Nippon dulu pantang pompuan pegang tangan lelaki, slalu cakap, "Eh haram!" Hahaha. Sekarang? Muahaha. Tu up to u ppl to decide, aku tknk komeng. Haha.

Solihin was the prat boy who like to draw pics of Spiderman and disturb girls.

Nisa was the attitude girl who got backstabbed by sumone and was put to Vice Head Prefect instead of Head Prefect.

Aini was the good girl- always disciplined, prefect, neat and tidy, scores in art subjects, and the source of my homework distress haha.

Nurizan is totally the gossip girl. All the things, the crushes (blergh, kecik2 dah mentel, tgk aku, buat derk je, cumer tau spider kang aku paling terer di kalangan spider-spider dlm longkang besar) the politics, and stuff.

And me? The alim guy who cannot touch any girl haha. Too holy! And ya, the maths and science guy. Weird. Now dats totally wrong. I totally suck at that. Haha. Oh ya, and also the kid who likes to go ard and catch spiders and butteflies making love and split them into half and play hamsters and draw 'Z' words using chalk on girls' bags for the fun of it and snatch away girls' homeworks cz their handwriting is neat unlike boys and also...

The guy who played fire extinguisher at level 3. Haha. Wad a shitbag.

And after that I met up with ma cuzzies and had ice cream and sent them to the Orchard MRT before hitting back at Cashbox Karaoke to meet up Aisyah.

I was late!!! I reach at 8pm!!!

But that was nothing compared to the fun I had INSIDE the room 13.

Bilik 13.

Di mana dua lelaki dan tiga wanita sirius melaungkan suara yang agak memekakkan.

Haha.

Oh ya, ada cita sikit.

Sblom ni, wanpee msged me the night before, "Nak karaoke besok? Aku sorang ah, Aisyah bawak kawan pompuan dia."

So I replied,"Bleh ah, member nye pasal, nak ajak yg lain kaki karaoke tak sekali?"

After like 10min, he replied,"Zim tak kasi ah, dia tk nak ramai2."

The question is, sape seh Zim?

So I tanya la,"Zim sape seh? Zimbabwe?"

Hahahahahahahahahha. Rupernyer nama org la haha. The girl at the ORD parade w aisyah is Zim. Abeh aku steb je ckp, Zimbabwe haha. Shh... Hope she doesnt see this entry. :D



But yup, Karaoke was outstanding, esp with wanpee-aisyah clicks. So seporting. Aku setat nyanyi, dorang amek gambar la, pekik telolong la, haha. Zim pon joget dangdut lagi. Hahaha.

Keh thz to aisyah kita ada gambar!! Wee!!



Itula bebola disko yg agak memeningkan kepala aku. Aku angkat sumpah sesiapa yg letak bebola disko dlm bilik dia, aku akan buat bebola itu jadi bola keranjang.



Tula wanpee aku zim and nuri semua nyanyi dgn
bersungguh2 haha..














Anugerah Karaoke 2008



Contestant pertama : Aisyah



Contestant kedua: Zim.... babwe hahaha! *jgn luper minum air madu, suara dah serak hahaha..*

Contestant ketiga: Nuri. Aku ingat dia cina seh, skali part dia nyanyi lagu awie je aku tau ni melayu haha.

Contestant keempat: Wanpee. Hidong maintain eh haha!

Contestant kelima: Aku lah.


Ok gak eh quality dia meskipon diambil dari hp.




















Muke tak cramp setelah penat melatih otot dibahagian
tekak




















So much for the brotherhood. Nyanyi khusyuk nampak? Khusyuk nampak? :D





Ni part aku nyanyi dgn Zim. Lagu My heart. Ape yg aku notice, muka dia sebijik mcm Acha Septrisia. (is that spelled correctly?) Haha, aku malu gak ah, tk PERNAH, TAK PERNAH aku berduet dgn pompuan tau.... :D

Presenting...

ZIM AND HAZ.. (kalau campur namer jadi hazim, itu kawan baik aku semasa aku di sekolah rendah dahulu)



dah naik syok nampak... hahaha!

Ni nyanyi kene sampok dgn hantu pisang hahahaha! Pasal tu mata jadi oren, gauo!!

Ni aku dan dia dah malu sgt kot, pasal ada adegan di dlm music video "My Heart" di mana si pompuan pegang tangan laki tu hahaha..

Bleh sempat pose plak tu!!



Ultimately, it was damn fun ah. Pastu kita orang pegi makan minum pat maner entah..


Joined up dgn kita suhana. Koajar si aisyah, mentang-mentang aku tangan panjang suruh aku picit gambar....

Haha.. Aku nak pegi lagi! Aku nak pegi lagi! Whee..





Today not much, in da morning ada pegi maulid pat umah TG pastu makan and slack pat umah chat dgn din. Hahaha. Yelah, kata abg din, aku ni sbg manusia dgr kata abg2 ni hahaha..

Ok da!

PS: aku semacam kene sampok jugak kot. Entah mengapa niari aku smcm ada kupu-kupu dlm perot aku yg penoh dgn nasi briyani. Sakit perot tak.. =)

Or maybe kene sampok dgn hantu pisang ni..
Hahaha, slmt menggoreng pisang!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

She never came to spore.

I didnt even slp just to wait for a call or an sms saying that im here.

So now I think Im really stupid.

I got punk. Haha.

So back to my simple life. Hmm, where do I setat?

Ok, for nusrah's sake, i think i have sum explaining to do.

But I'll post abt wen the time is ryt. And hey, im never always emo, ok? If I am, I wun be the cheery guy who keeps laughing and talking all the time, just that like I say, ppl have their ups n downs, its always good to express ur feelings, as for me, I share it w ma fam, ma peeps, thru convo, post sajaks online, im just dat type of guy who express his feelings and never admits ma ego by saying, "Im a man, so I keep things to show that im tough!" Im cool w dat, but I love maself, and I respect maself, I love what im doing, I respect ppl, and diff ppl hv diff personalities. But every person is special in their own ways, have their own goals, dreams, and diff ways of expressing what they believe in.

Ma lil bro expresses his anger thru silat.

A friend of mine write songs to show what he thinks.

Basically, life is too great, but the importance of understanding what a person is going thru that counts.

Now thats human. But nowadays ppl lack this kinda stuff, dun u think so?

Look at Palestine.

Ppl know that the peeps there are suffering, but what we lack is the understanding of how sad they feel, the losses they suffer, and all the other crap. Ppl brush it off their minds, and continue living their lives in absolute oblivion. Singaporeans only care about how nice their car is, how to get rich, how to not get themselves fine. But it lacks the concern of an individual over another individual.

Sometimes we need a hero. But ppl always forget that in each and every one of us, there is a hero. And that hero lies in the conscious of our mind, to do the right thing, and the faith in the heart, that everyday we try and help others, even if we cannot, we think about them. Who knows, one day when we are suffering, ppl think about us, and that, my friend, is the key to unravel the secrets about life.

Have you ever wonder why you are in this world? Why you are born w perfect arms, beauty, great health, incredible mind?

And not like those who are born deaf, blind, w syndrome and stuff like that?

The society has grown rapidly. Now I have thoroughly understood what my father told me to think.

"Look at the clock. How come time is going clockwise, when you need anti-clockwise movement to go forward?"

Try and imagine yourselves facing a car that is going forward. From that angle, what do you concur from the direction of the wheels of the car that is going towards you?

Its going anti-clockwise.

As we salvage ourselves to the will of God on the holy grounds of Mecca, the pilgrims turn anti-clockwise around the Kaabah in search of God's mercy.

So are they moving forward or vice versa?

As the turn of time ticks away, society's paradigm shifts to certain death- its as though time is a ticking bomb. The term that I would use is 'moral genocide'. Ppl kill one another not defined as an act of killing, but thru their squared lifestyle; they thought that they are moving towards modernisation- a world of globalisation that would bring us closer to perfection. Perfection. But does modernisation allow young children to scold their mothers, and treat them as their slaves? Does modernisation bring us to 'perfection' when the very fundamental concept that was once idolised such as love, ethics, courage, honour- all that we adore and portray in movies and literature, that we use it as a means to bring us closer to History, all dissolved in the host of materialistic ways of making illusions called 'living in self denial'?

Life is cruel. That is a fact. But do not be swayed by humans who would say and share and impose that since life is hard, we make the better out of it. Enjoy, laugh about it, spend, enjoy, bal bla bla. But being individualistic about it doesnt give us the reason to live and die for.

Hendak mati di hujung kuku
Hendak berkubur di tapak tangan (excerpt from Gurindam Jiwa)

Our forefathers, old philosophers are the very few men and women who visionized the destruction of men at our age. Death is certain. But dying with a reason that I did what I could to see through my age, and that knowing deep in my heart, I have helped a few individuals along the way, thru simplistic norms and means, I would say, I love life.

I Love Life.

:)

Friday, March 21, 2008

Im expecting sumone to be in Singapore today. It has been 11 hrs since the clock strike midnite last nite. 24-11=13.

13 more hours and counting...

Im holding ma hp tite..

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Tidak.....




She is on concert! On the 21st March 2008, not 2009, but 2008! Which means...

TOMORROW!!

DIARI HATI, DATO' SITI NURHALIZA
Singapore
21 Mar 08, Fri, 8pm, Theatre

Shit! I wasn't informed! Padanla asek dgr lagu dia on tv suria..

ARGH!!! I want the tix!!

Tapi tkkan nk tgk sorang! ARGH!!! Why didnt I know earlier, at least I could plan it somehow..

I only got to know about it just now, cz im at City Hall ryt now in some cafe, and I walked past esplanade w Taufiq, and saw the huge poster of her there.

TIDAK....................



Dia nyanyi lagu Biarlah Rahsia jugak!!

Aku baru nak setat syok balik pat dia eversince she sleep w that Datok..

Doll-looking, long eyelashes, slim sweet lips, with that cute eyes, puffy hair, its on her music video Biarlah Rahsia that capture the true essence of her beauty.

Summore in the video she use pink gloss on her lips, black mascara, even her foundation is picture perfect, light brush on her cheeks, cuz she have nice cheekbone so she doesn't need darker powder, just light red powder on her cheeks, plus the nice skin tone, absolutely gorgeous!

Im so unlucky. First, yesterday. Now, today. I have to think of something to bring Lady Luck back on ma side.

If only I got the tix now... ... ...

I would be the world most happy man, and my happiness and laughter will spread and sustain for 2 mths!! Yup, 2 mths!!

It would look very bad on me, esp since I have been her fan every since she is like, the young chic I knew who sang 'Aku Cinta Padamu', and the girl who won Juara Lagu against all odds.

Sigh.

Kriteria kewanitaan untuk aku semua tertera terpancar terbenam tersurat tersirat ter ter ter...
dalam Dato' Siti hahaha!

Dahlah baik, manis, lembut, confident, taat pada mak bapak, agama pon ok, whee... :)

PS: Enjoy the music video.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

how come i feel as though i am the most stupid guy in the whole galaxy?

dat people just take me for granted?

haz, help me do this? haz help me do that?

haz, i need ur help. haz, im sad. cheer me up.

haz, haz haz.....

Fuck man.

And the phone call was damn depressing. Y do u always like to threaten me? You like dying is it? Den go ahead, die, be jealous, be crazy, be wad u wanna be!!

And leave poor hazlami alone..

Always end up being the punching bag. :(

Den wad? Collect ur dead body on the 21st March? And wad u want me to do? Be sad? Be miserable? Be just like you? So emo like the whole burden of the world is on ur shoulders? That u are the only one suffering..?

Keep on assuming, and blame me for everything.

Listen, if ur reading this, or anyone associated w it.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID BEHIND MA BACK, I KNOW EVERYTHING. YOU HAVE LIED TO ME. I HAVE PROOF. AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOUR SOUL, AND GOD IS ALWAYS FAIR TO ALL HIS CREATION.



Now dats being selfish. And i hate woman selling fish. Esp in the market. With their irritating voices and all. "Ni satu kilo, sapuloh linggit!" Taik.

Go away. Leave me alone.

I need a hug.
Bear hug.

Bring me out for ice cream? anyone? :(

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Tuai padi antara masak
Esok jangan layu-layuan
Intailah kami antara nampak
Esok jangan rindu-rinduan

Anak cina pasang lukah
Lukah dipasang di Tanjung Jati
Di dalam hati tidak ku lupa
Sebagai rambut bersimpul mati

Batang selasih permainan budak
Daun sehelai dimakan kuda
Bercerai kasih bertalak tidak
Seribu tahun kembali juga

Burung merpati terbang seribu
Hinggap seekor di tengah laman
Hendak mati di hujung kuku
Hendak berkubur di tapak tangan

Kalau tuan mudik ke hulu
Carikan saya bunga kemboja
Kalau tuan mati dahulu
Nantikan saya di pintu syurga


The thing about malays is that they fail to understand this song. The failure of understanding a simple puisi renta like this is a failure of the society itself.


Kata P.Ramlee, "Bahasa menunjukkan bangsa tau.."


Haha!

The trick to understand the puisi lama is to not notice the first two lines, but the next two lines. However, there are some puisi lama dat incorporates the moral message which is usually written at the last two lines with the "kata-kata bunga" which is the first two lines of the sajak.

For example,

Anak cina pasang lukah
Lukah dipasang di Tanjung Jati
Di dalam hati tidak ku lupa
Sebagai rambut bersimpul mati


Dari sini kita lihat, stansa pertama dan kedua menunjukkan perbuatan seorang cina memasang lukah, di Tanjung Jati..
Namun begitu, ia tidak berkait dgn stansa ketiga dan empat. Ungkapan '
hati tidak lupa, sbg rambut bersimpul mati' memberi kita satu pengertian tentang perasaan kedua kekasih yg saling menyintai, sehingga susah ia melupakan seseorang itu baik dari segi rupa maupun tingkah laku, bak rambut bersimpul mati di mana rambut itu susah untuk di huraikan kembali.

Puisi ini menggunakan perkataan2 yg menceritakan tentang situasi pada masa itu, di mana kawasan perkampungan dan saling usik-mengusik antara sang kekasih berlaku pada zaman dulu.

Burung merpati terbang seribu
Hinggap seekor di tengah laman
Hendak mati di hujung kuku
Hendak berkubur di tapak tangan


Dari stansa pertama dan kedua kita faham akan beberapa burung yg berterbangan lalu singgah di laman. Namun dari seribu burung, hanya satu berkumbun di 'tengah' laman.

Ia menunjukkan pertarungan, dari sudut kompetitif seorang kekasih kpd seorang perempuan yg dikasihi. Di mana seribu burung yg berterbangan, hanya satu yg ingin hinggap di tengah laman, bukan di tepi, hujung dan sbginya. dan burung ini hanya seekor saja, dan bukan seribu. Mentelahan, ia menunjukkan bahawa burung ini ingin memiliki laman yg tengah, di mana tiada burung yg boleh hinggap bersamanya, seperti mana kita lazim lihat perwatakan burung selalu berterbangan dan berehat bersama-sama.

Kendatipun, dari stansa ketiga, kita lihat bagaimana perkataan, '
hendak mati di hujung kuku' mengkukuhkan lagi daya kompetitif sang kekasih tersebut. Beliau tidak mahu mati di mana2 kecuali di 'hujung kuku'. Lazimnya seorang yg mati, beliau akan pandang ainnya keatas saolah2 melihat ruhnya keluar dari jasad. Maksudnya, manusia mati atas sebab sakit, uzur dan sebagainya mati di 'hujung kepala'. Namun begitu, sang kekasih ini tidak mahu mati begitu. Beliau ingin mati 'di hujung kuku'- mati dalam pertarungan, bagi menunjukkan kekuatan cintanya kpd kekasihnya. Biar mati muda pertahankan cinta, dari mati tua berpantang uzur, kata org. Dan stansa empat juga mengkukuhkan lagi stansa ketiga dan sbginya.

Dari sini kita lihat rangkai hubung puisi tersebut. Ia indah, saling berhubung kait antara satu dengan yg lain. Indah bahasa, indah rupa. :)

And from here, we can conclude that this puisi is a treasure to the root of our culture.

And for those who are real malays, gosh, pls read up can or not? im a javanese, i shud be studying bahasa indonesia but instead, i can say im better in malay lingua den sum who can't even speak malay properly.

"Mengata dulang paku serpih. Mengata orang dialah yg lebih!!"

Haha.. Dun think negative about me, dat one is a joke on me. :D

I love malay. :)




Oh anyways, im working @ IRAS at Novena from Tues onwards w Din and possibly Wanpee. Haha, its gonna be cool, 3 idiots typing like mad in a small cubicle. Absolutely delicious..!

"YATA..........!" *hands thrown out wildly*


Im hungry.
Period.
Hungry.
For an adventure.

PS: Im still a chicken. Puck puck puck! :D



Oh ya, I got a TEKA-TEKI for ya.

Dalam banyak2 mee, mee aper bleh nyanyi dan joget?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Guess?! :D

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Bothered

How come the crisis in Penang is still unresolved?

How come the people voted DAP and now regret their decision, the fact that the 'Bumiputra' rights could end up a scrap project?

How could a Muslim family decide to turn against their own religion when a Muslim maid was not allowed to pray in claims of jealousy?

How could the society allow maids to continue be tortured, and not allowed the freedom to practice faith?

Why is arwah Atok Aki's gaunt face keep flashing thru my brain all the time?

Why am I still sad over the loss of a best friend who died in the Taiwan plane crash?

What makes a man, a man?

Is it his d***, or the responsibility that he bears himself?

Why is my electric guitar became out of tune?

Why am I singing, "Gurindam Jiwa" all of the sudden when Im bathing in the toilet?

...Tuai padi antara masa... Esok jangan.. Layu layuan... Intai kami, antara nampak.. esok jangan, rindu-rinduan.....

Burung merpati terbang seribu... Hinggap seekor, di tengah
laman.. Hendak mati.. Di hujung kubur.. Hendak berkubur, ditapak tangan..



klau tuan mudik kehulu.. carikan saya, bunga kemboja... kalau tuan mati dahulu...

nantikan saya dipintu syurga...



...

Why am I still coughing?

Why am I having a mental block that is making me lose patience coz I cannot write the essay to NUS and also finish up the sajak that was due last month?

Why did I even LOSE my Koleksi Sajak black book?

Why am I so careless?

Why am I becoming lazier by the minute, yet dreaming all the time?

Why does the clock turn clockwise and not anti clockwise just like the pilgrimage muslims making a tawaf round the Kaabah?

Are we moving forward or moving backwards then?..

Why everytime I massage mum's leg, I find myself in a place where Im touching her cold feet and there is a white cloth covered over her lifeless body?

...


Going for a run to clear my brain. Da..



And as the episode unfolds, he grabbed his bag and forced it inside his pocket, unsure of what would happen next..



Saturday, March 15, 2008

Oh anyways, I have great fun today. Went to teach tuition, then, met up with ma bro at the NUS OPEN HOUSE 08, where I had great fun. Check this out, I met Danny!! Haha, good to see ya bro! They showcase the CCAs in NUS, and not to forget, the courses available there. Great to see people scurrying around and about, with many botaks (Freshman from BMT, piece of losers, I alr ORDed like a mth plus! haha! have fun finding Mas Selamat!)and small girls of like what, 18-19 years of age. Annoying, really. And yeah, when I saw Muslim Society's booth, I kinda felt like its a dumb boring piece of table filled with small photos.

You see, in marketing, if you want to market yourself, you need to STEP UP! Make the pics as big as posters, big banners, big tables, big crowd, and blast musics from amps (you can put like, Yassin music or sumting liddat yea, haha) and then yes, alot of small pieces of souvenirs and stuff liddat. Professional Letterings is needed people. Get a grip man! Duh. If my bro becomes the President or sumting liddat, things are gonna change with me around.. :D

Next to the boring booth was Photographic Society. Thou its boring, I guess they made the facts right. They do have nice big pics to showcase sumting. Im gonna buy a good camera and join them, thou it as equivalent to a boring loser, but who cares?! All im up for is the knowledge of photography itself. It is very subjective, and it makes you awe in wonderment when you capture something that portrays a piece of what they call life.

After that, I walked around to the A.S.Sc. Nice.. Im gonna enjoy my stay there haha!

Anyways, after Zuhr, I met up w Din, and the fact that he didnt say thank you for mt effort of taking the MRT from Clementi all the way to Kembangan just to see him proves one point- guys are just as insensitive as a cow. Haha.

Talk cock, more cock, with includes about fantasies of being rich and building a wharf just beside a 3-story house with a lift and a helipad. And then met up with Nusrah and off we went to find food at Geylang.

Upon reaching there, I discussed w them about my views of the Malay Society. The absolute mess in Geylang shows that thou we are clean-incest creatures, we couldn't care less about the environment. Take Malaysia for example. :D so much for "Keep Malaysia Clean, Throw Rubbish to Singapore" shirt I saw at the background of a news clip in Berita Harian.

Then we ate and talk and ate and more talk. Haha. I had the most delicious food that day. Nasi Mutiara. Seasoned sliced meat, curry-flavoured rice and a telur mata lembu. And the rest had suck food- Nusrah had like ingus-looking mee hong kong, where as Din's Tom Yam taste like Tom "too-much" Yam haha.

Then we went to talk more cock @Vivocity, while waiting for Aisyah and Wanpee and the rest to link up. Din tried to get tix at last min but it was sold out. Poor guy. Haha.

Oh btw..

STEP UP 2 was totally AWESOME!!

Hell yeah it was!! Moves as slick as the tip of the iceberg they say. Funkier then the first. The girl was absolute hot. Period. And yeah, there was the kissing scene in the rain, which totally puts the show down again.

I think I wanna watch it again. Then try some of the moves at home. Haha. Only at HOME that is, dun wan to embarass myself haha!

And yes, ORD nite pics are up next. And I got 2nd prize! Woho! A cool sleek Phillips DVD RECORDER! NICE...

Oh ya, Nusrah did mention something, and im just too shy to admit it haha. I dun noe why im like this, but im a shy person no doubt about that, shy is good, cuz shy means the person have his personal barriers so that he isnt flimsy enuf to play around with women. Now thats a playboy. And im no toyboy. Haha.

So yeah, hmm... *thinkin*...

*more thinkin*...

Off to sleep. ZzZzZ...

PS: Oh ya, dis is the song that I played on Guitar yesterday, the one I kept thinking and thinking about it haha! And yea, call me Haz the chicken who cannot even tag a hi in a tagboard. Chicken. Chicken. Puck Puck.

Damn.

I'll tag tomorrow. ZzZzZz

Oh wait, I cant sleep.

Im going for a run. Bye.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

ORD Pics!!

At last the pics are up for grabs!

Holla! But still I think they shud have made us (ORD peeps in Feb) in green too, dont u think so?









From left:

Fairuz. wanpee, Encik X, Din, Me, Taufiq, Sufian.

Gosh i miss those days!









The Apache Family, made up of the Malay Infantry Squad haha..












Alpha, Bravo and Charlie Specs: Always together, allied in strength and power.










Abdillah w his stupid antics.. (e guy w the hp)












I wonder why there is a CPL among the seargants... :D

Oh ya, the medic over there is lepak, haha, i once fucked his MO during a night walk, and he saw it all. Dun blame me, I have night blindness, how the hell do I know it is MO when he is alr so dark... Hahaha!






Me, wanpee, PC Wei Jie, Bear, Din

Oh bear, thanks for the electric guitar, it was awesome dude.









Platoon 3 Commanders


Willy Choo, Izhar Rizman, Benjamin Tjoe, Ridzwan, PC, Haz

The Backbone of Alpha
The Stronghold of 4SIR


The FIRST!! HUHAH!!

Actually there is alot of pics, but I haven yet able to collect all of them, especially from my platoon. So yeah, see you guys at the latest ICT 769 Battalion.

Eagles we Fight!! Till the End!!


Thursday, March 06, 2008

Reply to Food for Thought

Ok, here's the deal.

1) Did you say im myopic? Yup, i am, in fact today im just about to buy a new pair of specs after I sell my hp.

2) The fact that I put expectations on people is simple. Life has its own expectations on us. God has His expectations on us written on His Holy Book. Your mum and dad has their expectations on u. How come when it comes to friends it becomes a negative thing?

Anyways, it is a good expectation. Being late is wrong. Making promises and not adhering to it is wrong. It falls under the word, 'amanah'. Amanah is a characteristic of the Prophet.

Expectation on people is necessary. It brings about a protective barrier so that you choose your friends wisely. We are not here in this world to make a fool out of ourselves. We are not here to make dunia friends. Its the akhirat friends, friends that bring you closer to God, in times when you want to have fun, he says, Hey buddy, its prayer time, let's go to the nearby mosque/surau. That is a fact. A fact of life. When you put expectations on others, people put expectations on me as well. In fact I think you say it all nicely but you yourself wun admit that you too put expectations on others. Expectations are not equivalent to judging the person. A person can never judge another person, because he/she did not create the being. Only God can, and all of us will be judge by Him in Thereafter. Some people have some certain expectation on me, it is on my part whether I wanna reach that expectation on my behalf or not, whether I need to be flexible on some issues, or stand on my fundamental principles.

Do not be emotional on this. Instead, think of it as a constructive way to help build yourself up. Im not a perfect person either. Im trying to subject myself to the absolute plan called 'The will of God'. And so you must too.

I apologise for what I did, it might be irrational, but who doesnt? :)

3) Deny the truth? Explain. What exactly is the truth? Who says it is the truth? Facts? Evidence? Logical explanation?

Truth is then basically a definition used by us humans to either strengthen our beliefs on a certain issue, or as a reason to live.

They can say that Mas Selamat is a terrorist. People say it is the truth. Some say it is not. Then truth becomes a subjective matter. Ryt?

If there are evidences to support that he is a terrorist, can it still be called 'truth'? Who provided the evidences then?

Everything in life is subjective, for the matter. Only one thing is true. That God is the Greatest, and He is Perfect.




I know you are emotional. How? It is simple. You use words like, 'How sad.." n etc, its like menyindir, or are you? Kata org, sapa makan cili, dialah yg rasa pedas.

Humans are complex, but yet there are some things that are so obvious it becomes a common trait. When people face a certain issue that deals with them, they become defensive, and being defensive itself shows a certain amount of emotional discomfort.

I apologise. And May God help us all. Amin.

PS: I got loads of pics to share. ORD nite was the best. And ya, i think the tagger is a girl. Haha. Girls. *slaps forehead* so emotional. Thats the reason why God gave the knife and the butter to man. And then man destroys the knife and the butter, thinking that he could change the world.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Truth or Lies- As told by me

Ok, there is alot for me to blog about, so I will be splitting dis post into 3 sections.


(1)

Mas Selamat breaks out

Or did he?

I just checked the Chapter for Acts under Terrorism. A phrase struck me instantly.

Arrest without trial.

How can that be possible? So are you saying that for the past 6years he hasnt been into a Hight Court to testify his own actions? Then where lies the absolute foundation of what we call democracy?

"To build a democratic society.. Based on justice and equality.." [excerpt from SPORE PLEDGE]

Some might argue that, "do little evil for the greater good."

Well if that's the case then just shoot Saddam in the head, for what reason do you make him go through all the court crap?

And his breakout, isnt it weird how a weak old limping man escape a security tight detention? How did he do it? Is there someone inside working with him, or is just that the people inside have evidence that he is absolutely innocent?

The public does not know. There are some that do not even care. All they say is, "He is a terrorist!" without calculating the odds that, hey, he didnt stand trial for his own actions, perhaps he wasnt a terrorist after all, just put to blame for a crime he might not commit.

The public demands the truth. The public is a thinking public. It has been quite a while since we kept quiet, with raising GST of over 7% and yet nothing to help us waiver the cost. A lump sum of money can never cover the rising cost of stuff. My father has been in the govt sector for almost 2o years, and yet he has been waiting for a pay raise. When they cut our CPF years ago with claims to bring investment into the country, and when the wealth of the investment is given, they promised to increase the govt sector pay. But then again, recently, they say that the increment of govt servant salary is only in accordance to their holding post. In simple terms, the Ministers get higher pay, thousands of dollars, and what do we get? A mere $50 increment a month.

And we vote for them, so that one day they can serve us. Not us serving them. That's what a government is. They help the public, not we serving them. I must admit that the situation is sophisticated in Singapore and it is irrelevant to compare. But the point is, when the govt does, "little evil to do greater good" we suffer. How can we trust the system when the system keeps pinning us down.

And with this case discussed, it is adamant that there are some things that the government is not being transparent. The NKF case was only leaked out when the journalist investigated it.

The people of Singapore has yet to recognize our rights. Hence, it is our fault for not being thoughtful and thorough in making rational thinking of any issues faced by this country. Being the kiasu people, we have yet to reach the "Power to the People" episode in this chapter.

Hence I beg the public, to reconsider your thoughts, and claim your rights, for we are responsible for each other and ourselves. If Mas Selamat is really a terrorist, show us. Capture him, and bring him to High Court. The least he could do is to testify and stand accounted for his own actions. And then the verdict for the people. Then it is justice.

_______________________________________________________

(2)

Eating Habits

Do you know that the more you eat, the more destructible the food in your body gets?

I found out that eating habits and the stomach have very much links with everything. Character, body etc.

Sufism practice of eating "not moderately" but "when required" is shared among many other health activist, including yoga fanatics and nutrionist. The food pyramid only provide the general guide to the public, but yet as an individual, one must control the amount of food that enters our stomach.

The logic begins here. As you eat more, it intensifies your negative needs or desires like sex, basically. The temptation to spend increases eg: the desire to eat nicer food increases. Hence, expenditure increases. When the need for money is crucial, the value the money holds becomes far higher than morality. With money comes the love of pride. Pride to show off, to show your stature. And hence with that, the seed of hate and jealousy is planted in our hearts.

Simple? Haha.

Imam Ghazali states the pros and cons for the eating habit.

1) Hunger makes someone a better person morally.

2) Hunger makes a person cleverer. This is scientifically proven, that the amount of energy and time spent to digest the food in your stomach is wasted compared to how it can be used to think. Simply to say, when you are full, your lazy and you just want to sleep or do nothing. Try eating to your max and then study. Feeling sleepy? Yea, brain not working yups!

3) Hunger fights the desire for temptations. Usually, people eat before they have sex, right? Have dinner, walk around, aroused, and presto, another problem.

4) Hunger fights sleepiness. (proven)

5) Hunger fights the need for wealth. As you might wonder, the 4 great caliphs after the Prophet SAW didn't eat much. Abu Bakr ate once every 6 days. Omar Ibnu Khatab eats once every 3 days. Ali? He doesn't even have money to buy food. But yet their outstanding contributions to not only the Islamic Establishment but the World is none comparable.

6) Being full doesn't promote generosity. An example would be, how willing are you to give alms to a poor lady sitting outside a restaurant when you are~ a) going inside
b) going out
Of course you would want to give her alms before you enter the restaurant, knowing that im having a nice lunch but this lady isn't.

7) Hunger makes people go to the mosque more often than to the toilet.

8) Hunger makes ibadah easier to do. an example would be during the fasting month. You do more ibadah in Ramdhan as compared to other months. Y? Think.

But according to Maxwell Theory, a hungry man is an angry man.

There are a few of my friends who are willing to kill someone and be very nasty and moody when they are hungry. But then Imam Ghazali says that hunger is good. So how?

Actually, its all about the reason why you want to be hungry.

The niat is important. If you are hungry because of your stomach, then it'll be like the people in Africa where they kill each other for food. But if you're hungry because of God and wanting to do good, then I would say it'll just be like fasting. :)

So don't eat much ok?

_________________________________________________________

(3)

Yesterday was bad. I ran so far from 6.15am and reach your block around 5min before 7, and waited for 30 min till my body is absolutely cooled down, and I ran back home, checked my msg, and found out that you overslept because you slept at 5am?? What did you do? Clubbin??

Then if that's the case don't make any promises about wanting to run with me, cause there isn't any effort put in. You know that you're gonna run with me at 7am, and yet you sleep at 5am, is that considerate? Even if you come down, I'd sent you straight back up. I ain't running with people who sleeps 2 hrs only. Goes to show that there wasn't any effort at all. Sigh. What you want, what you need, I put in effort to help. Tsk3. So much for promises.

I hate it when people cannot keep what they have promised. It goes to show that they never appreciate what I did for them.

And im not going to Australia. Not ever. NEVER. There's always stupid problems that props up whenever I wanna go there. I ain't trusting nobody. NO ONE.

What a fuck life.

Hey, fuck is like the general term for everything eh? I am fucked. I fuck. Fuck you. What the fuck? I feel fucked up. He looks like fuck. Hahahahaha. It's not a vulgarity anymore. Oxford, get the fuck here and include the fucking fucked up "fuck" word in your fucking fucked dictionary. Hahahaha. *slaps forehead"

Im hungry :p

Monday, February 25, 2008

Aku berteduh pada pohon itu
Segenap sudah bagai sesaat pepasiran masa berlarutan
Izinkan daku bisa berteduh di bawah jejarimu
Kerna serpihan mentari menembus hijab yg fana

Aku berteduh pada pohon itu
Haus tiada terhingga
Izinkan daku menaung akar sumbimu
Kerna hati yg lara kosong tiada peri

Aku berteduh pada pohon itu
Lelah menerkam tubuh songsang yg layu dek si tua renta mengumpul kotak
Izinkan daku menutup ain di bawah peparimu
Kerna larut malam hampir tiba

Aku berteduh pada pohon itu
Meskipun kesuraman menyelam bagai sampan karam terjerumus
Izinkan daku memetik bebunga yg indah dari telulangmu
Kerna ingin mencium hembusan syurga manawi membangkit keriangan

Aku berteduh pada pohon itu
Namun kesalnya, pepohon itu kering lalu mati


-Hazlami
25 Feb 2008
2.30pm
The ultimatum is out.

"It is simple. You want her to fight and live, bring me there this instance. You want her to give up and die, ignore this."

Im just pissed and sick and tired of everything, it became so complicated. What is it, what's so hard to carry out dian's wishes, or her last wish? What's so hard of carrying out a person's will? Is it god damn hard? get the no's and make a few calls and its all done ma..!

An example would be:

My men calls me up and say, "Sgt Haz, aku tkde duit nak bayar mak aku nyer obat, bleh pinjam 50? Aku dah ada duit aku kasi ko balik,"

I'd say ok, wait first cuz im praying. About 10 min later I slowly make my way down towards the LRT to the ATM Machine, press a few no's, print out a receipt, and hey presto, all done. A simple TRANSACTION.


Why is it so hard? You got the numbers ryt, why arent you transferring the god beloved money? Ariff msged all of yo to sent me there ryt? When was the dateline?

It was THURSDAY, what day is it today?

Monday.

I gave you 3 days, 60 hrs full to do a simple task so that I can buy the tix. Immediately. Is this is fucking plot to buy time or what? Is she realli sick over there? or sumting else happened?

That 3 days I wondered and worried and bit my fingernails. It was horrible. It was sickening. Not doing anything.

And that ruzanna. What the hell is she thinking? All I say was," What happened? How bad is it?"

From this statement any mother son can infer that I care and im worried. And what rep did I get?

Some fucked up reply and a whole bowl of piss. And for what? What the FUCK did I do?

I swear to God that if this is a set up, they will pay for all the stress that im facing. But if its not, then I must say they are stupid enough not to understand the whole situation.

Enough said. I don't want to say bad things anymore. I just want to see my dian. My dian. Dats all. And if you ppl are stopping me, then im sorry.

Im sorry.

Monday, February 11, 2008

As I finished the last episode of Heroes Season 2 Volume 1, thots of me flying like Nathan or break-in people's minds is way too cool for a soon-to-be-21 me.

"I like my secrets, I just tot I could share it with someone."

"You are a good person. Don't let the thought of guilt eat inside you."

"We cannot be like God. If it is fate, then we have to go through it."

Some words that I pick up in that whole vol. Nice..

I enjoy the show, im a great fan of Heroes. Especially that hero. *winks*

And oh, if I could choose what powers I wanna have, I'd rather be Peter Petrilli.

WHY? Cuz he has ALL the powers you can ever imagine, and I can RULE the WORLD. Fly here and there, stop time, blast ppl wif either electric shock or radiation, heal without ANY SCAR, read and use minds, and so much more.

Training regime for MR HAZLAMI PETRELLI:

1) Fly to an unknown place to train my powers.
2) Stop time and grab as many food and comforts I need for my training
3) Trust no one, not even my own fren
4) Train train and train! Till I can stop time and manipulate all the powers I can, extend my mind-reading range to like 2KM radius so even SNIPERS planning to bust my head open cannot do so, even which if they cud my brain wud just grow back and he wud wish he wasnt even born

Goals:

1) Be as powerful as I can at my limits and more.
2) Set a system to protect all the supers
3) Gather all of them and shake hands to absorb their powers, make a list, and then make a notebook of directives for me to noe what kind of powers I do have, the best is to suck in the ability to think fast
4) Have breakfast at New Mexico, den tea at Paris, Lunch at Vietnam, Dinner at London, den Nightsnack at Iceland to see the Aurora Lights
5) Most impt of all, dun trust anyone



Cool huh?

Wednesday, February 06, 2008


My Chemical Romance Lyrics
Cancer Lyrics

This is dedicated to all the cancer patients in the world..

I know how you people feel, and I pray that the world prays for you, and let your journey in seeing the beauty of life remains true..

It doesn't matter whether the body is weak, or the tube is painful, my dear..
It doesn't matter whether you feel cold from the wind or the air con..
It doesn't matter whether the sound of the beeps from machines bothers your slumber..
It doesn't matter whether the results are out..

Its about the heart that keeps beating to the sounds of the world trembling..

Its about the beautiful smile that captures the momentous aroma around you..

And it doesn't matter if you feel alone..

Cuz im here, and im sure there are many many others around the world feel your pain..

Do it for God, for the world, and imagine yourself flying high in the air seeing the world bleeding from spoils of war and fanatical ideologies to poverty and fatigue to women and child abuses to petty crimes and arguments from families..

now close your eyes and shut yourself from that world, for you are now in your own war against your enemy, and fly...

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Bowling was fun yesterday. And God I manage to score the highest I can ever score in my whole history of playing bowling since sec 1.

2 strikes+ 3spare+ cuple of points = 145 points!

And when I glance at the lane 3rd to my right....

This bugger scored 146 points at his 6th frame?!

And I tot Hasan Azhari's swan-like bowling style cud beat this guy.

He practically ROLL the ball without any sound! And the way he rolls it, its like he was dancing..

Guess I need to brush up on my basics hahaha! Well, I ain't a bowler....

Oh ya, I pack my army stuff to clear my cupboard and army stash yesterday too. Its a size of 2 duffle bags haha. Thats like army shopping to me. I even brought back cylume sticks in case there is a blackout at my house haha. And my LBV and old SBO. Gosh, I was hoping I'd get my own room, cz if i were to have one, I would make an 'old memoirs in army' of sort at a lil corner of the room. Put a stand and hang my LBV with helmet plus a pack 7 field pack ready for mobilization (there, I told you BMTC INSTRUCTORS suck, they don't get to do fun stuff like this, all they do is shout and fuck recruits, but they themselves are fuck tup, I tink that if they were to come in a unit, and there's a UIP ryt, I make sure they cry cuz I'll be there fucking them left right centre till there's no tomorrow for them. Ask them to go outfield, and do Ops Order w all the maps to be done and REAL planning, I'd doubt their capabilities. Henceforth, they are just junk, trust me, dats why SISPEC sent fuckup trainee to BMTC, cz they arent ready to do the real shit haha). And the good news is that I may get 400 bux preety soon as a late birthday present for myself alone, cz I'll be clearing my IPPT dis year haha! Good, just keep conditioning myself for now..

After going for that briefing, I realise that ORD aint the end to it all. Its the 10 YEAR CYCLE that is the NEXT BIG THING. For people like my bro who got posted to some shit HQ, I got posted to some battalion, ACTIVE BATALLION, u see..

Unless....

1) Im hospitalised
2) I migrate
3) I have the balls to say, "FUCK YOU!" to the COA and refuse to go back (go jail lar)

I don't mind doing the IPPT. GOD, EVEN IF YOU PASS, YOU GET 100 BUX!! Thats like eating ice cream while running hahahaha!


Well, life goes on I guess. Im not sure what Im gonna do after I ORD. Either I fly to australia and see farz, or go w my frens to DUNNO where, or find a job.

Find a job.

In Singapore you can never be like the Hot Rod guy. Just goof around and yet have all the money in the world. Here, you have to keep working till you get cancer or sumting and the bills will haunt u and u'd just die out of stress. Be like the Hot Rod guy, and you die out of boredom. What great life...

If I were to migrate, where wud I go.... Hmm...

Sunday, February 03, 2008

As the Saints, go marching in...

Song Listening

-Hey there Delilah, Plain White T's-

Im ORDing very very soon, ard 3 more days till the big day.

I kinda feel very sad about it, feel like as thou the memories of how I go thru it all and manage to survive the outcome got ripped out off my chest.

I remember singing this song with my guys back in bunk.

Im gonna miss my platoon mates especially wanpee and izhar for all the things we went thru.

My pc LTA Wei Jie.

My ps 1SG Willy choo, i still think ur the best PS i ever met.

My platoon men.

My section: Andrew, Legend, Fahmi (thou ur my cousin, I still think your the best loyal men I have other than Legend), Faiezad (where the fuck are u), Danial Tan Lye Poh (bring me to Amber you shithead!)

My Alpha men. (esp Cpl Hasan Azhari for being my cab buddy, and Syafiq, for understanding me)

Best Buddy Din and Taufik.

Alpha Commanders : Sufian, Hong Ji, Willip, De Liang, Wei Siang, Chansiri, Ben, Fairuz Black, Coy Medic Hasyali

Encik and OC.

40th ASLC Specs of 4SIR to name a few.

Faruq, Tzul, Maricar, Asyur, Iskandar aka Wak, Fazdly, Mamat, Daniel Wang, Ong Mian Li and the rest not mention I thank you.

4oth ASLC Batch at Sispec

Echo Pltn 2 section 1

Ezzudin, Luqman, Mat Noor Khan, Maricar, Wei Jie, Mike, Guo Chen, China man and his fren, Narendren.

39th BSLC Batch

Delta Pltn 4

Idafi, Tiger, best buddy, and many more. Not to mention the cina mamat whom I just met at the ORD ICT Function at Jurong Camp, good job getting yourself in 3Guards.

BMTC

Scorpion Pltn 3 section 1

And to the rest that made me the man im standing now.

To the PC's and warrant officers.

1wo Amran, 2wo Eddie, 2wo Teo (CSM ECHO), ur the best.

1SG Vincent Goh (echo sect1 instrutor), 1SG Sim (delta sect1 instructor), 3SG Fairuz (Scorpio Pltn 3section 1 instructor). Thou have guided me to be the best i am.

To my mum and dad for all the prized advices that made me wise.


With pride I lead.




And not to forget, yaee, who is always a step behind me thru my whole journey.....

Sunday, January 20, 2008

-Songs Playing In My Head-

Im not okay, My Chemical Romance

Got my marksmen. (at last)

Haha, easy money, now with 200 bux in my savings, plus my pay, and handsomely indeed, some ppl still owe me like a few hundreds..

When I ORD i think I have quite some money haha!

I wanna work! I signed up with my dad selling this '4LIFE' product regarding transfer factor pills. This lil enzymes are responsible for the body knowing which foreign cells or molecules like viruses or cancer cells amongst the many other healthy cells, and impart this knowledge to the body system.

Did you know that drugs only either stimulate the body's internal defense system or reduce symptoms, but ultimately, it is the body defense system that is responsible for the cure?

Hence, the source of cure for any diseases or complication actually comes from the body itself. And this breakthrough has the answers to that.

I'll elaborate it more once Im free.

Anyways, i was hoping to find an 8-5 job, office job ard 6 per hour. And some extra payment for off duties. My brother got lobang- somewhere in singtel as data entry. Relax jack, can even listen to music while working. After that can go out cuz its at dhoby ghaut, near town!! Whee!

Haha, life is gonna be hell great after ORD. Though im gonna miss the folks back at 4SIR (except 'him').

2 more weeks and im off to lala land...


And he looks up to the sky, eyes emblazoned with the tiger in him. No fear. No pain. Never surrender. He tucks in his legs, pulling his hands to his chest, focusing on a happy moment, before he flungs himself high towards the sky, eyes fixed to the moon...

Saturday, January 12, 2008

System gone wrong in the Home of The Apache

-Song Listening-
I DON'T LOVE YOU- MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE


Yesterday a disaster unfolds yet again, adding to the spate of horrendous moments that begins to take a toll on me. Poor Hazlami broke down in front of the abandoned 622 building, once a stronghold for the many reservists that came for their NS cycle.

Yet again I try to endure it, but this time the trust and pride got hurt too much.

When I graduated from SISPEC, wearing that chevron on my arms, with the green beret, knowing my posting to a capable operational unit (rather than slack incompetant tekong or 2PDF) called 4SIR, having taken the Specialist Creed with pride whilst the many voices that echoed that momentous day singing unitedly uncalled unchallenged by the road ahead, I surge forward, knowing that the responsibility that was bestowed upon me to take charge of REAL MEN of 6 in a section is going to be a tremendous job to do. I strive hard, without fail.

I, am a specialist of the Singapore Armed Forces.

-born a specialist, always a specialist.

With pride I lead.

-seriously, without pride a specialist cannot lead the men. Only with pride, knowing that no matter how superb your men are, im always one step ahead. And that's why when a fellow soldier of higher ranking doesn't like you, just because you aren't able to please him the way you always does (like you do your job very well when he gives you orders), all he needs to do to put you down is to take the pride away from you. Alot of specialist, when getting into such situation, they become like a men themselves. Easy. Just treat you like a men. Then just have no trust. Done. But no matter how hard 'he' tries, he cannot take this pride away. Wanna noe why? Keep reading.

I, excel in my field, ensure the discipline of my men, and their mission readiness.


-in order to have pride, you need to excel both in the field, and the disciplinary act on your men. In the army, the word 'ENSURE' can be a killer. the famous common word frequently used against us fellow specialist are, 'i assume, you assume, then who ensure?'. As a ground commander, we deal with ground orders, ground control. Planning is still part of our deal, though most of it comes from the officers, but sometimes their planning too cock up, cos the thing that differentiate us and them, is that we understand the men more than them. Thats a fact.

We are considered 'the facilitators' on the ground, making sure the duty is done. They plan, we act. That's it. So mobility is important to determine the facilitating factor in accordance to acting the orders on the field. I was taken away from my great use of mobility due to unforseen circumstances. However, being excellant in the field before, and yet ensuring the discipline of my men, im still able to put a struggle for my pride as a ground commander.

For example, during duty in Jurong Island, i never got a SINGLE extra. In fact, the last extra that I got was from taiwan, which was like, 9mths ago. Other commanders in my platoon get extra like water. Me on the other hand, I was firm. I told them my expectation before going for duty. Like how the LBV and weapon cannot take off, when resting the LBV weapon must be within 0.5m away from them and etc. Time to patrol, you go. Time for sentry, better not sleep. If sleepy, I be the one either take over them, or i wake up and talk with them so that they wun fall asleep. I put absolute zero percent on myself, and 100 for my men. When Fahmi got into alot of trouble smuggling cigarette, and yet got caught smoking in the tower while I was out for duty, I kept him alive. I fought his case, and all he got was 10 days in detention barrack. When Faiezad got injured, and he was confine for not participating in any training in the week, although he still help around in the admin sector, I promised him he will not be confine. If he follow me to do admin work, he will not be confine. So when 'he' confined my 2IC, i argued with him and OC and the outcome? "I confine myself, Faiezad will book out." That was my call. And there I was, sitting alone on the steps of my coyline, looking at him happy, appreciative, and stress free while he walked towards the gate.

More sacrifices n more i made for my men. Cover them, buy them food and have a small section 'makan' session in their bunk, etc.

Which 3rd Sgt in the battalion has ever pump a company before? I did. When they were late for breakfast, and I was the COS. I did more than others did.

Everything that was out of a section commander job scope, I did it before. I was the temporary MP for RSM when they did investigation of the missing round. I escort so many soldiers to DB. I was a liason personnel during the exercise with the Malaysians, picking up FIBUA equipment from 3SIR and had to talk with many CPTs and MAJs regarding such high tech equipment, then I was among the 3 SME for TES equipment, helping to zero hundreds of Malaysian's weapons, teaching them, translator for 'him' when 'he' was conducting a TES course, and I was translating all of it in Malay as best as I could. I was emcee during the ORD Parade of first year commanders. I made a battalion worth black box for night indication in less than 3 days. And more. Alot more. And now, all of it was lost just because of a personnel vendetta against me. How professional 'he' can be eh.

I, overcome adversity with my fighting spirit.

- I must admit, alot of specs have this. The extra gees. Ability to stand tall when all are tired. Pushing the men, but at heart, pushing yourself, but never yield. Even though i was injured, i went for the gruesome 15km tactical night walk, bashing and walking and climbing and sliding, with the pain and strain that made me chew 4 tablets of panadol in less than 6 hrs. Rabak, but still i complete it. And im proud to say, i NEVER fall out of any training before in my NS life. Never.

I, will defend Singapore, with my life.

-Im adamant about this. Alot of NSmen do not want to go to war. Even if they must, its not cause of the country, its for their families and friends. This is what is lacking in the younger generation- patriotism. The spirit to fight for the country. Its totally different if you say you have made Singapore home, and you will defend this country. They made it home cause the many good things that is here for us. But defending it? As a ground ppl, I don't think so. Which explains the level of commitment between regulars and NSF see.


The system went all wrong. And all that I did was lost all because of a single vendetta that I, and many others, think its very unprofessional. This company has lost yet again another loyal soldier. This company has yet again prove to the world that it doesn't have a 'HEART'. They have lost.

Me.

A quote from the mural boards of 'THE WALL OF PRIDE- APACHE', by CPL HAFIZ, PLATOON 1 SECT 2, 2IC.

"The system is dead. But the mind is still alive."

Think deep, gentleman.

Think.



And as I soar the Great Wind sweep me of my feet. Leaving me unbalanced, unchecked. I was lost. And a glimpse of the Old Stars lay before me.

Oh God, give me the guiding path and let the stars shine on.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Im just so so sad.

As though my heart broke a thousand pieces. I tried so hard, but nothing happen. :(

And all odds were against me. All that was in my mind, was her health.

My love is her health.

Im preparing to get myself hurt.

Terlarut aku
Dalam kesendirian
Saat aku menyadari
Tiada lagi dirimu kini

Sampai kapankah
Aku mampu bertahan
Tertatih aku jalani
Semua kisah hidupku ini

Tak akan terganti
Setaip kenangan yg telah terukir
Yang terendap indah dan melekat di hati

Akankah berakhir
Semua kisah yang telah tercipta
Di dalam benak ku, dan di dalam asaku..





Dan sayap rajawali tumpas menghadap perkasa langit
Bagai diludah
Terjunam hunjam ia terbalik pitau ia tercampak

Namun ia sayu memikir tantang dia...

Sunday, November 25, 2007

All i could see now is the destruction of my creative mp4 dat wen to bits all cause my lil bro 'forgets' to remove it from his pants wen he went for his rock climbing practice..

Whole lot of shit worth of 3 years music downloading in there.

Darn. Hurt me so much to see it go away. But its ok.

Instead of me scolding him, i kept my distance and cool, and my dad did my job, and i swear it i didnt tell him anything.

Guess he either dig it out from his guilty face, or he is just plain Master Jedi.

As I look back at my ol lakai shoe box that contains the most treasured items I have in my life, it was a major wake up call for me- why can't I put away this feeling of self attatchment to a material?

Though yes, alot of them have sentimental values, like for an instance, the creative muvo sportsm i still have them in my drawer, and it still working after 3 years of service.

And I save up like 2mths worth of school money just to buy it.

Cards, letters, gifts, pictures, receipts, movie tix (like the LOTR marathorn) somehow have their own special moments.

I live in a life of moments. Moments that take my breath away. Moments that keep me strong. Moments that make me smile or laugh, or sadness.

Then came a picture of sorts in my head. Its like, I cant help it but realise that I tend to put 'things'- like music, small stuffs like receipts and that- as a memory trigger. For example, I hear this song called, "Hold on- Jet" and it reminded me of that time I sat at the seats of the stadium in AJC, looking over NYP from afar, after a training, it was the day after my birthday, first year, and the celebration was very sad. That time I was realli facing probs w Aish, and my studies, and my mind was aching from the stress and the pain. And so i sat there thinkin back how simple life can be if I could just sit there and do nothing but see the world change from a far.

Yup. And there is this birthday card by Nasir- he gave me when I was in sec 4, nearing my prelims. Its this round circular card that when i read it, i have to turn and turn the card. Haha. Thats like one of the sweet ones i get from a guy. Oh ya, and tis cd from a local artist who passed away, his name was Aden, and the song, "I believe in you", bren gave it to me, and i still got the small post it bren put it on the cd cover.

Brings back good ol memories.

I use to live a very simple life. So simple. Go mosque. Come back home read book, seldom hangout w frens, always alone yet having alot of frens. I have dis habit, its still in me, but now its seldom, though i like taking a walk at the SOC ground haha. Its like, walking alone, looking at the sky and the trees, and just smiling and talking to myself. Im not that crazy u noe, but its more of like, a reflective opportunity for me to make myself happy, and to learn from it.

And the habit of how i would look in the mirror and tell myself to calm down when something bad happen.

Come to thing of it, I was a nice person. :)

Now look at me.

Ppl backstabbing me, frens lie and cheat, ppl not appreciating the many small efforts that i put in for them, and i noe, its both myself and their fault.

And they just vanish. Vanish like, POOF!!

Shhesh, talk about being selfish, ryt din?

Tsk3.

But i stand firm on my ground. And all the oath taking and swearing and promises. I can forgive.
But i cannot forget. Never.

Never.

Oh ya, another important thing. Thanks to my love dian, who went thru all my up n downs, n mean ALL of it. I appreciate everything u did, so so much. U truly are. e beacon of light in my heart. I love you sweetie =) thanks for everything..

Friday, November 23, 2007

Feelin sick...
Feelin weak...
Feelin kinda pissed...
Its jus so so wrong...

Gimme strength Oh God..
N so help me God..

=(

Dian Farzanna...

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Internet in the Army??

Haha, in my 2 years of service (or nearing) in the Army, I've never been to a place where u can use actual internet haha.

Hmm, so many things to say.

Its been very rough for the two of us. The 3rd Party issue came to an end when we manage to block her off, and with a couple of goodwill prayers, God will protect us from any black magic that hovers like an eagle eagerly watchful over its prey.

Ann Lim is over. Now comes the days of the Aftermath, and still I sense there is more to come till the final testiment. The final day that I'll go over there and end the physical barrier that is keeping us apart.

As from this story, and from the previous ones, I've learnt many.

1) Never put too much trust on others
2) Friends can either help you, or kill you
3) Have Faith only in God and blessing from your parents
4) Humans have many flaws and weaknesses
5) As shown in (4), humans tend to say 'I forgive you', but never forgiving
6) Humans at times of pressure show much reluctance to think in logic and are always overwhelmed by emotions that can even 'severe the unthinkable'
7) Love is never a protocol; it needs one
8) Understanding is inevitable without acceptance
9) Pain is only physical if we believe its physical
10) Woman are either tools of seduction, or warmth of comfort

Its like a washing machine ride for me, and now im still in the ripples of it, though approching the calmness, yet the irony it can approach to calamity.

But fear not for I have faith in the Lord and me.

Right now my only focus is farz's health. And her well-being.

Trying to juggle work family and personal stuff is like fighting in a quicksand; the more you move, the deeper you sink. And the irony?

Its not the weight that pulls you in, its the struggle.

So I cannot afford to panic nor letting the chaos break open. I must breathe. Breathe. And clear my mind.

So much hatred, so much anger, so much pain in me, and I either use to let i all out, or fret about it someday.

I now must face it like a man. Like a stalling tiger waiting to catch a glimpse of the blood that will drip. The shudder. The patience. The all-calmness. Waiting for the moment to grasp the opp not to be missed. Or else.

Haz, there is no else.


PS: I love you- so much