I have become a very busy man. So much indulged into work, and home, that I actually got so tired I slept from 9pm to 9am.. Thats like 12 hours sey..
And the worst part, is that I dun have time to exercise anymore. So tomorrow's off sure comes into handy, cuz in the morning im going to the gym, then go for my 4km run on the track, followed by a nice cooldown around 10 laps of the pool shud do the trick..
Im supposed to be on a routine sey. Damn.
And I dun even have time to dance now. I take sum 2 min of dance in the toilet at DFS before im off to greet stupid PRCs and Koreans. But I LOVE the japs. haha!
I have a new name in DFS.
HAZKIMI.
So I shun aside my Jawa name and put across this ultra cool name haha!
HAZKIMI-SAN, or HAZKIMI-MASE..
And to top it all of, in less than 2 weeks, im able to comunicate basic japs with the sweet babes, earning myself photo shoots with the tourist. Damn, i requested to use my hp, but stupid SUP she wun let me. Jelus eh? haha!
Then since im the most youngest there, they call me baby. Hahahha! Baby Hazkimi-san.
Some tour guide even told my godmum that they want to bring me back home, "hehe, hen ke ai lei!!"
That is what they call me. So blur blur I asked my godmum la.
She abit piss sia, so she answered bluntly, "She say u cute la."
Hahhaa, then I say put me in ur pocket la, more cute ma.
Then the tour guide, who is this absolutely notsohot mama, replied," Your mama wun let me bring you back home lei. How?"
Hehhehee, ok, dis part ryt, abit merepek. Cuz im thinking in yellow and blue. HAHAHAHA!
Oh btw, mum's looking at a slow and steady recover after that operation.
It was fun sey, mum sleeping, den me, nenek, and my grandauntie, ransacked the old refrigerator.
My mum ah, she got dis bad habit to stuff in ANYTHING that is edible inside the fridge.
To my amazement, i saw a tupperware with a piece of cake, and guess what? Its dian's cake she gave me to celebrate our 5mth aniversary. WTH?!?!
That's like SOOOO LONG AH!
AN NATE!!
Its like ichigatsu years ah.
So we happily laughed and joked and threw it all away. I told nenek, "Kalau mak tau ni semua kene buang, confirm didi kene marah sey."
Nenek replied," Takpe, cakap nenek yang buang. Dia tak berani nak marah nyaee. Pasal nyaee ni mak dia."
Haha, what powerful authority sey.
So in a couple of mins im changing and going to work.
Have a nice sunday ok!
Sheesh, who works on Sundays sey......
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
"He is not a hero. He is half a hero. He takes the plunge. Cuz he is the PROTECTOR of Gotham."
so does that mean my all time fav spiderman is now being replaced by this dark figure of the night?
Hahahaha.. well, here is what I think:
1)Skill
Batman relies thoroughly on his gadgets, but spidey relies on his believe in himself, as seen from Spiderman 2 when he starts to lose his ability to spin a web and climb walls. So what if one day, Batman decides not to check his attire, and forgets to place his shooter on his belt, when he falls and discovers that he forgot to bring his shooter, that'll make him a laughing stock. Even Joker himself would kill himself after laughing at such stupidity.
2) Valor
Batman is a true knight- he takes in the bitter pill for the sake of Gotham. He covers a friend's image over him. That is very nice really. No matter how much people would hate him, he still continues to save people. That is really heroic. Spiderman, on the other hand, is hated in Spiderman 2, but loved in Spiderman 3. But with the media constantly stereotyping him as the menace, he does continue to serve the city despite being a student, and struggling to balance between work and school, and sacrificing his love for MJ. In this case, I think Mr Spidey takes the point.
3) Fashion Sense
Batman has style. Spidey doesn't. Batman gets the point here.
4) Power
Batman has kung fu kicks up his sleeve, while Spidey has the quick wits. In this case, I think both scores a point each.
5) Personality
Spidey is nerdy. Cool photographer, not so handsome, but utterly cute in many ways. But still, nerdy. Mr Bruce on the other hand, is terrifyingly handsome, charismatic, rich and classy. He comes in by helicopter, with a handful of prized woman on his side. In my opinion, after working with DFS, Batman scores here. Haha. So biased.
6) Personal Life
I think everyone would say Spiderman scores this one. Yups. No need for further explanation.
"Make me proud." Mary Jane Watson.
"Its about time somebody saves your life." Mary Watson, again.
Look at Batman, his ex gf died, even so, she wants to marry with Two Face. And Bruce can still kiss her, even though he knew she is with someone else. Darn.
Overall, out of six points, I believe SPIDERMAN WINS!!!!
Hahahaha!
So Im still sticking with the quote, " With great power, comes great responsibility."
Haha. But still, I have no doubt that Batman is WAY TO COOL TO BE TRUE. but that's the whole point see, there isn't such character. But, there are heroes among us. Heroes that yearn to help, to make life better for everyone.
I want to watch it again. Friday im watching with wanpee I think. Im not too sure. But im definitely watching with my Wak Buang Cuzzins on Saturday yeap. First outing of the entire century kan? Haha..
Well, I enjoyed the movie really much. And sorry to Faiza, for not making you understand the jokes that I and Taha are sharing. I think Harold would fill you in, if he is nice enuf that is haha! Still, B.O.B remains a hidden meaning. Only I know, and maybe Taha knows if he is clever enuf that is, the true meaning of Bob. That is the reason why i didn't choose Thomas, or Jane, or ape2, or apek ke, biskot ke. Cannot. Must be BOB. Hahaha.
Dun get too curious about it, just treat it like a general term to reduce vulgarities. :D
Im still having strange nightmares, or dreams, about me and her. Its been a month. I tried Salawat while sleeping, read the quran before sleeping, drinking milk, meditate, solat hajat, so much. But still it doesn't stop. And that old guy at the corner, who is he? Why is he just standing there smiling?
Dian, I don't know, but are you trying to send a message to me? Isz did so, but it was very clear. But yours... I dun noe, I can't decipher anything about it. Are you in pain there? Are you ok? ...
You know, I have developed a fear in the process. The fear to sleep. Fearing that I'd see you in that corner, tears welling up.. Fear that comes with guilt, that I didn't do enough to save you. I failed, I know. But goodness, it is so hard for me to sleep nowadays. Was really thinking of sleeping pills, but the consequences are terrible. Sigh.
I have to really like, curl up, listen to quiet happy songs just to calm my nerves, then when I sleep, I dream abt it again and again and again.
Another month like this and I'll go mad. Period.
And when I wake up, I always have this stupid feeling of being so alone. But I know its wrong, I have family and friends now.
I just need to talk it all out to a person who doesn't understand a single thing, yet willing to listen it all. Just 30 mins. A preview of a man who takes of his mask and showing a true side of him.
I must admit, I beg to differ over Joker's perception of 'a man showing his true side when he is about to die.'
Everyone naturally is scared of death. Only learnt ones have the knowledge and the heart to actually accept it and face it, knowing that it is yet another path that everyone must go through. Its just that I am still a human being, who is besotted over the fruits of 'Dunia'.
Oh Allah have mercy over me.
Oh Allah, Saviour of Worlds, Kings of Kings, Creator of the Universe, do shed light over this poor diminished soul.
Listen to this song, its dedicated for me. I remember listening to this song, when I was running, in the cold mountainous terrains of Taiwan.
Taiwan, where it brought us together. And where it separates us as well. How ironical.
Now to work.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
What a fruitful day at cck. Taha and I joined the NUS CSC (community service club), though im like an outsider, but there are so many outsiders there. And all of them have only one thing in common- to help collect food cans or dry rations to be given to charity.
Project C.A.N is a joint organisation planned by NUSCSC and some other charity bodies like 4PM, AMP, grassroot members and more. We started wearing the t-shirts that was given for us, and off we went upon the signal given by Mr Zaqy or Z, (mcm kawan aku plak). We started to knock on doors of CCK residents.
Haha, how fun and fulfilling it was, to see so many people, regardless of age and race, to help each other, in sorting out the foods from halal to non-halal. I make new friends as well, all don't even bother where I came from. They even welcomed me to join in as volunteers in future. And so i have decided to join and commit myself to it.
You know, all this community projects and work, it really puts my mind off a couple of issues raised between me and Taha, as we ploughed through relentless bodies of food and expiry dates.
It does seem that a certain individual by the name of 'Bob', a general term both me and Taha would use as frequently as we can, is starting to trouble my mind. It does seem that I choose to see its flaws rather than its strengths. That is wrong. However, much is needed to calm this soul of mine that has yet to be controlled. I really really need to go tasawuf class more often. I really really need to not feel this feeling. Cuz this feeling is making me sick. Bob, goodness me, when can u ever learn?
Bob oh bob.. What actually are you trying to seek in this life? You can take everything of me, of the world God has given you, but still, you will NEVER find what you want to find in me. It is your path, and im here to see and support. But bob oh bob, stop dis crap and look into yourself.
As I was saying to Taha..
"Perangai takmau macam...."
Bob.
PS: I want my mum. I want to hug her. But she is not home yet. So who shud I hug now?
here are sum pics of the Project C.A.N for your perusal.
thats us with boxes to sort out and differentiate the halal and not halal ones.
thats the halal section. Take a look at all the food!! thats why im telling ya, halal foods are booming in the economy, so everyone shud go for halal certs.
thats the non-halal section. see???
And this is for you my best buddy, Azhari. May Allah protect you. Indeed, you are missed by us. Friends are there for you, but good friends go through hell with you. Going thru the jungle and training, and the ups and downs for almost 2 years, yes, i must agree, you and I will see each other till our childrens children, if God wills my age that is. Lil Killa, make me proud.
Do come to DFS to see this handsome guy to get wonderful discounts. Haha. I can get 25% staff discount on top of the sales that is running around DFS. Surely, you can get a Ralph Lauren for a mere 20 bux. Look for me at the GST counter.
Arigato Gozaimas!
Project C.A.N is a joint organisation planned by NUSCSC and some other charity bodies like 4PM, AMP, grassroot members and more. We started wearing the t-shirts that was given for us, and off we went upon the signal given by Mr Zaqy or Z, (mcm kawan aku plak). We started to knock on doors of CCK residents.
Haha, how fun and fulfilling it was, to see so many people, regardless of age and race, to help each other, in sorting out the foods from halal to non-halal. I make new friends as well, all don't even bother where I came from. They even welcomed me to join in as volunteers in future. And so i have decided to join and commit myself to it.
You know, all this community projects and work, it really puts my mind off a couple of issues raised between me and Taha, as we ploughed through relentless bodies of food and expiry dates.
It does seem that a certain individual by the name of 'Bob', a general term both me and Taha would use as frequently as we can, is starting to trouble my mind. It does seem that I choose to see its flaws rather than its strengths. That is wrong. However, much is needed to calm this soul of mine that has yet to be controlled. I really really need to go tasawuf class more often. I really really need to not feel this feeling. Cuz this feeling is making me sick. Bob, goodness me, when can u ever learn?
Bob oh bob.. What actually are you trying to seek in this life? You can take everything of me, of the world God has given you, but still, you will NEVER find what you want to find in me. It is your path, and im here to see and support. But bob oh bob, stop dis crap and look into yourself.
As I was saying to Taha..
"Perangai takmau macam...."
Bob.
PS: I want my mum. I want to hug her. But she is not home yet. So who shud I hug now?
here are sum pics of the Project C.A.N for your perusal.
thats us with boxes to sort out and differentiate the halal and not halal ones.
thats the halal section. Take a look at all the food!! thats why im telling ya, halal foods are booming in the economy, so everyone shud go for halal certs.
thats the non-halal section. see???
And this is for you my best buddy, Azhari. May Allah protect you. Indeed, you are missed by us. Friends are there for you, but good friends go through hell with you. Going thru the jungle and training, and the ups and downs for almost 2 years, yes, i must agree, you and I will see each other till our childrens children, if God wills my age that is. Lil Killa, make me proud.
Do come to DFS to see this handsome guy to get wonderful discounts. Haha. I can get 25% staff discount on top of the sales that is running around DFS. Surely, you can get a Ralph Lauren for a mere 20 bux. Look for me at the GST counter.Arigato Gozaimas!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Flesh Imp + Coke Zero
Dress to express.
And hell yeah it was!
Apart from stupid harold trying to jump over the queue that is haha! But still, we own the show dude!
I love flesh imp. Period. :)
And I love this song. POSE by DADDY YANKEE.
Guess why...?
Special appearance from JABBAWOCKEEZ!!!
Shit dawg! Im gonna dance this song if I hit the streets! Eh hafiz, when is the next dance session? :D
And the gal in this video is super hot la, I think im gonna be a bachelor for a very very long time haha!
Deleted version of Step up 2, featuring Jabbawockeez.
Spread the revolution.
Monday, July 14, 2008
good to hear we are ok Harold. See, told ya stupid anonymous. dun judge people too quickly. u are exactly like the media you noe. just grab what u have without inferring. it is best not to say much. like i say, when u start to judge, u r being judgmental ryt? but actually you are also judging yourself. these are matters of the heart- its very subtle, very subjective, very independent.
i told Harold, this, that a brother, would never put himself in front of another woman for a brother. I lost a brother because of a woman. let us not lose this.
but i think i wun lar, come on dude. ni Harold sak, we have probs, we laugh it all out. and no matter how harold fucks kumar of his stupid nonsense, or the other way round, they are still best friends.
Is just that you my friend anonymous, never go far enough, never go deep enough, never put the extra effort to understand and ask for forgiveness. Look at Taufik, when we had our fights, which nearly put me and dian's relationship to an end, he walked up to me, like a man, not smsing, but walked up, took out his hand, and say, 'Haz, im sorry."
Harold called me up. Even at that party he already showed enough effort to say, you are my brother, and i shant give up on u.
Like how I couldn't spend time with Azhari, I made it all up, by sending him off, even so, i took half day just to spend some few rare hours with him. He came back, and I couldn't meet him, but we talked on the phone for hours.
I choose my guy friends really carefully. Those who go through my rough and toughs are my brothers.
Now hold on before u say something. This is subjective. This whole topic. Its totally diff than shasha's. So bear this in mind. Like i say, perhaps same in essence, but diff in purpose. Like a coffee, but one is a 3-in-1 while the latter is the powdery-like stuff. But still you consider them as coffee.
So let us all be open-minded, and let it the anger all go, and get on with our complicated lives. Sorry for everything, esp to you buddy harold. You're the best. Remember when I talked with you on the phone, the part where, if my big bro don't accompany me, the next on my list is automatically you. Yes you. I did mention that im quite a detailed person by nature. So yah, figure that out dude.
See ya on sat bro. Den you can have dinner at ma house. At least it lessens my mum's bidding for you hahaha! make sure you impress her haha! now i sound totally gay! :p
i told Harold, this, that a brother, would never put himself in front of another woman for a brother. I lost a brother because of a woman. let us not lose this.
but i think i wun lar, come on dude. ni Harold sak, we have probs, we laugh it all out. and no matter how harold fucks kumar of his stupid nonsense, or the other way round, they are still best friends.
Is just that you my friend anonymous, never go far enough, never go deep enough, never put the extra effort to understand and ask for forgiveness. Look at Taufik, when we had our fights, which nearly put me and dian's relationship to an end, he walked up to me, like a man, not smsing, but walked up, took out his hand, and say, 'Haz, im sorry."
Harold called me up. Even at that party he already showed enough effort to say, you are my brother, and i shant give up on u.
Like how I couldn't spend time with Azhari, I made it all up, by sending him off, even so, i took half day just to spend some few rare hours with him. He came back, and I couldn't meet him, but we talked on the phone for hours.
I choose my guy friends really carefully. Those who go through my rough and toughs are my brothers.
Now hold on before u say something. This is subjective. This whole topic. Its totally diff than shasha's. So bear this in mind. Like i say, perhaps same in essence, but diff in purpose. Like a coffee, but one is a 3-in-1 while the latter is the powdery-like stuff. But still you consider them as coffee.
So let us all be open-minded, and let it the anger all go, and get on with our complicated lives. Sorry for everything, esp to you buddy harold. You're the best. Remember when I talked with you on the phone, the part where, if my big bro don't accompany me, the next on my list is automatically you. Yes you. I did mention that im quite a detailed person by nature. So yah, figure that out dude.
See ya on sat bro. Den you can have dinner at ma house. At least it lessens my mum's bidding for you hahaha! make sure you impress her haha! now i sound totally gay! :p
Im not sure about this job, but im just gonna go for it. DFS, here I come!
But baru setat keje dah nak mintak Sat and Sun off.
Oh come on, I got community work on Sat, and something on Sun.
And I have not sign the papers yet. So technically they can kick me out, or I can start work another date. And really, I got no mood to work. Haha. Just wanna clean up my room, play my guitar, compose a song, chill, go to gym and swim, and plug in. That was post-ORD mood.
And its happening now too. Sheesh. Dats the reason why dian and I went thru a horrible moment after ORD. Me and my stupid moods. I deserve a bitch slap. Really.
But baru setat keje dah nak mintak Sat and Sun off.
Oh come on, I got community work on Sat, and something on Sun.
And I have not sign the papers yet. So technically they can kick me out, or I can start work another date. And really, I got no mood to work. Haha. Just wanna clean up my room, play my guitar, compose a song, chill, go to gym and swim, and plug in. That was post-ORD mood.
And its happening now too. Sheesh. Dats the reason why dian and I went thru a horrible moment after ORD. Me and my stupid moods. I deserve a bitch slap. Really.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Referring to a random blogpost I came across:
"In everything that happens, there's surely a lesson and lessons, like medicine, aren't always sweet-tasting. As always, WWRD? :) In your recent post, perhaps there was some bitterness when writing it. I understand, but people who don't know the story might pass another judgment on you. Everything bad someone says about us, its most likely true. And they're only saying one bad thing that they see, they have not seen our other bad deeds and attributes. Being defensive will only paint a less rosy picture of you. Give everyone a chance. If Rasulullah SAW did that with those who mistreated him SAW, who are we to defend whatever little good of ourselves?
alhamdulillah, I've thoroughly understood.
I went to Ustaz Zaki's class just now, and he told us something amazing:
"Tak akan manfaatnya madu jika ia berserta dengan sedikit racun dari Allah SWT."
An excerpt from the book, 'Penawar Bagi Hati' or 'Medicine for the Heart' written by Abdul Qadir Bin Abdul Muthalib Al-Indonesia Al-Mandali.
'Adapun kasih akan dipuji maka seprti mereka yang menerkam ia akan musuh banyak di dalm peperangan supaya dikatakan ia orang yg berani. Dan ubatnya barang yang telah terdahulu pada ubat bagi kasih akan kemegahan dan iaitu bahawa mengetahui ia akan bahawa puji itu kesempurnaan yang diwahamkan sahaja tiada ada kesempurnaan yang sebenar...
Adapun sebab riya' ialah, maka iaitu takut dicela manusia. Maka ubatnya bahawa menetepkan ia dalam hatinya akan bahawasanya cela mereka itu tiada memberi mudarat ia akan dia jika ada ia yang dipuji pada sisi Allah SWT. Dan menetapkan ia di dalam hatinya akan bahawasanya tiada mengerjakan ia akan riya' yang sebab bagi murka Allah SWT kerana takut akan cela makhluk yang tiada memberi mudharat. Dan memada akan dia oleh bawasanya manusia jika mengetahui mereka itu qasad riya' yang di dalam hatinya nescaya benci mereka itu akan dia.'
Inferring from here, since a person is condemn hell as quoted in the Hadis, "Ketinggian itu selendangku dan kebesaran itu kainku. Maka barangsiapa mencabut dan merebut ia akan daku akan satu daripada keduanya nescaya aku campakkan dia ke dalam api neraka Jahannam dan tiada aku peduli" - Muslim, Abu Daud dan Ibnu Majah, it shows that im bound to go to hell.
Oh Allah have mercy on me!
Ustaz did mention about the Mirror Therapy. He told us to buy a small mirror, and look in the mirror, and talk to urself, "Look at that guy, he has done so many sins in this world, he doesn't deserve Paradise."
I know I have done so many wrong things in my life. I accept all criticism on me with and open mind, and Insya'allah, may I find Allah's grace in His Masterplan. Forgive this inhuman dirtbag.
But do take note, that false accusations are also a wrong doing. So I plead to all, do get the facts right before making a statement. It is not good to fitnah a person without knowing exactly the intentions of that particular person.
I didn't accept her not because of what she is facing, I swear it. But I didn't accept her because, I am more imperfect than her. She deserve someone way better than me. And it seems that she do not share the same dreams as I do. Im sorry if my actions showed forms of hope. She did told me once not to put too much hope on her. And that was exactly what I did. But it turns out that she did put hope on me, the moment I left the arena to sit at the sidelines. So take it in an open manner dude. That it wasn't meant to be. Im sure she'd fine a better person than me. Right now, im facing difficulties in the love section, so it will take sometime for me to reenter such arena, someday.
I understand. Good friends are defensive over other friends well-being. But a true friend, in my opinion, instead of being protective, they try to help the person forget, and cheer them up, and leave it all to God. Tak baik masuk campur hal orang. Its between me and her, and im sure both of us can solve this matter in a more mature manner. So I seek apology from all of you out there, like my dad use to say, if it isn't meant to be, it isn't meant to be.
Jodoh di tangan Tuhan. Do not force it.
Last but not least, im really am sorry. I am a jerk, i really am. Karma is playing a toll on me now. But at least im paying the sins. Some just shrugged it off and continue. But I face it, with my most humble manner, to seek apology from all. May Allah guide us. Ameen.
PS: I am still pissed at you Harold. You left me behind for a woman. A woman can find anywhere dude, but a true friend who goes thru life with you is indispensable. You disappoint me. So much. So much so I actually ignored you throughout the whole journey. Forgive me if its cruel, but you really did knock me out cold.
"In everything that happens, there's surely a lesson and lessons, like medicine, aren't always sweet-tasting. As always, WWRD? :) In your recent post, perhaps there was some bitterness when writing it. I understand, but people who don't know the story might pass another judgment on you. Everything bad someone says about us, its most likely true. And they're only saying one bad thing that they see, they have not seen our other bad deeds and attributes. Being defensive will only paint a less rosy picture of you. Give everyone a chance. If Rasulullah SAW did that with those who mistreated him SAW, who are we to defend whatever little good of ourselves?
alhamdulillah, I've thoroughly understood.
I went to Ustaz Zaki's class just now, and he told us something amazing:
"Tak akan manfaatnya madu jika ia berserta dengan sedikit racun dari Allah SWT."
An excerpt from the book, 'Penawar Bagi Hati' or 'Medicine for the Heart' written by Abdul Qadir Bin Abdul Muthalib Al-Indonesia Al-Mandali.
'Adapun kasih akan dipuji maka seprti mereka yang menerkam ia akan musuh banyak di dalm peperangan supaya dikatakan ia orang yg berani. Dan ubatnya barang yang telah terdahulu pada ubat bagi kasih akan kemegahan dan iaitu bahawa mengetahui ia akan bahawa puji itu kesempurnaan yang diwahamkan sahaja tiada ada kesempurnaan yang sebenar...
Adapun sebab riya' ialah, maka iaitu takut dicela manusia. Maka ubatnya bahawa menetepkan ia dalam hatinya akan bahawasanya cela mereka itu tiada memberi mudarat ia akan dia jika ada ia yang dipuji pada sisi Allah SWT. Dan menetapkan ia di dalam hatinya akan bahawasanya tiada mengerjakan ia akan riya' yang sebab bagi murka Allah SWT kerana takut akan cela makhluk yang tiada memberi mudharat. Dan memada akan dia oleh bawasanya manusia jika mengetahui mereka itu qasad riya' yang di dalam hatinya nescaya benci mereka itu akan dia.'
Inferring from here, since a person is condemn hell as quoted in the Hadis, "Ketinggian itu selendangku dan kebesaran itu kainku. Maka barangsiapa mencabut dan merebut ia akan daku akan satu daripada keduanya nescaya aku campakkan dia ke dalam api neraka Jahannam dan tiada aku peduli" - Muslim, Abu Daud dan Ibnu Majah, it shows that im bound to go to hell.
Oh Allah have mercy on me!
Ustaz did mention about the Mirror Therapy. He told us to buy a small mirror, and look in the mirror, and talk to urself, "Look at that guy, he has done so many sins in this world, he doesn't deserve Paradise."
I know I have done so many wrong things in my life. I accept all criticism on me with and open mind, and Insya'allah, may I find Allah's grace in His Masterplan. Forgive this inhuman dirtbag.
But do take note, that false accusations are also a wrong doing. So I plead to all, do get the facts right before making a statement. It is not good to fitnah a person without knowing exactly the intentions of that particular person.
I didn't accept her not because of what she is facing, I swear it. But I didn't accept her because, I am more imperfect than her. She deserve someone way better than me. And it seems that she do not share the same dreams as I do. Im sorry if my actions showed forms of hope. She did told me once not to put too much hope on her. And that was exactly what I did. But it turns out that she did put hope on me, the moment I left the arena to sit at the sidelines. So take it in an open manner dude. That it wasn't meant to be. Im sure she'd fine a better person than me. Right now, im facing difficulties in the love section, so it will take sometime for me to reenter such arena, someday.
I understand. Good friends are defensive over other friends well-being. But a true friend, in my opinion, instead of being protective, they try to help the person forget, and cheer them up, and leave it all to God. Tak baik masuk campur hal orang. Its between me and her, and im sure both of us can solve this matter in a more mature manner. So I seek apology from all of you out there, like my dad use to say, if it isn't meant to be, it isn't meant to be.
Jodoh di tangan Tuhan. Do not force it.
Last but not least, im really am sorry. I am a jerk, i really am. Karma is playing a toll on me now. But at least im paying the sins. Some just shrugged it off and continue. But I face it, with my most humble manner, to seek apology from all. May Allah guide us. Ameen.
PS: I am still pissed at you Harold. You left me behind for a woman. A woman can find anywhere dude, but a true friend who goes thru life with you is indispensable. You disappoint me. So much. So much so I actually ignored you throughout the whole journey. Forgive me if its cruel, but you really did knock me out cold.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
The Ghost of my Past
amongst the laughter and company, i still find myself alone on my way back home.
and damn, it was depressing. to think that i masked myself so that people won't see the actual situation that im facing right now, its such an irony; me living in a self-denial world is alarming.
i need someone to talk to, to let it all out of my system.
I cannot take it much longer.
I keep dreaming that I was at war with my men in the jungle, and from the darkness a soldier came rushing towards me with a bayonet fixed at the tip of the rifle.
upon seeing the figure rushing towards me i point my rifle and gave two burst of fire, and shouted command for my section to cover fire for me as i examine my kill.
fahmi, my 2nd SAW gunner approach from my left, and assisted me.
I shouted, "Faiezad! Hold the section 3 bounds ahead for me!! Daniel!! Cover my rear!"
And so we performed a 3UP formation, just to make sure the enemy doesn't come flanking happily from the back.
I put my rifle to safe and back sling my weapon, Fahmi's eyes dead focus on the figure that seemed to struggle in the dark jungle floor.
I pulled the helmet out and saw a glint of moonlight scaring the face of my enemy, revealing a woman's face, her crimson red blood smearing and glistening under the soft light that filtered through the canopy of leaves above.
I gasped, and fear, pain and a sudden sadness and guilt struck my heart like a swift knife slashing through flesh. But I remained composed, as the woman struggled to breathe, blood gushing out from the holes that bored from her throat and chest.. Her eyes fixed on me, a sudden cold of sort creeped through my soul as I began to fight my guilt.. What surprised me was that, a flint moment came by as quickly as seconds trickled down the hourglass, a moment where I laughed at that pitiful soul, despite her dead eyes fixed upon my flesh eyes.. And I continued the fight, leaving her reckless body crumpled in a mess behind, my soul tainted with a guilt so much it left tiny pearls leaking through my beady eyes.
And for 14 days continuously, for the last two weeks, I suffered the same haunting dream, and it ends with cold sweat on my face and body, leaving me shiver slightly in the darkness, her gasping voice echoing clear like water in my ears.. Leaving me confused, crumpled, tired, sad, guilty, and more...
on the 15th day which was yesterday, it surmounts..
Alas I recognise the face of my kill.....
It was you dian.......
I am a murderer.
Help me Allah, I need your Grace, for I feel weak from the 30hrs of sleep over 360hrs of living on your Earth You created.
I need help. Really. I need to stop this dream, I've been fighting it, but so far it only leaves me in fear of ever sleeping again. My eyebags are getting worser than ever.
Help me. Pls. Anyone. Anybody. :(
and damn, it was depressing. to think that i masked myself so that people won't see the actual situation that im facing right now, its such an irony; me living in a self-denial world is alarming.
i need someone to talk to, to let it all out of my system.
I cannot take it much longer.
I keep dreaming that I was at war with my men in the jungle, and from the darkness a soldier came rushing towards me with a bayonet fixed at the tip of the rifle.
upon seeing the figure rushing towards me i point my rifle and gave two burst of fire, and shouted command for my section to cover fire for me as i examine my kill.
fahmi, my 2nd SAW gunner approach from my left, and assisted me.
I shouted, "Faiezad! Hold the section 3 bounds ahead for me!! Daniel!! Cover my rear!"
And so we performed a 3UP formation, just to make sure the enemy doesn't come flanking happily from the back.
I put my rifle to safe and back sling my weapon, Fahmi's eyes dead focus on the figure that seemed to struggle in the dark jungle floor.
I pulled the helmet out and saw a glint of moonlight scaring the face of my enemy, revealing a woman's face, her crimson red blood smearing and glistening under the soft light that filtered through the canopy of leaves above.
I gasped, and fear, pain and a sudden sadness and guilt struck my heart like a swift knife slashing through flesh. But I remained composed, as the woman struggled to breathe, blood gushing out from the holes that bored from her throat and chest.. Her eyes fixed on me, a sudden cold of sort creeped through my soul as I began to fight my guilt.. What surprised me was that, a flint moment came by as quickly as seconds trickled down the hourglass, a moment where I laughed at that pitiful soul, despite her dead eyes fixed upon my flesh eyes.. And I continued the fight, leaving her reckless body crumpled in a mess behind, my soul tainted with a guilt so much it left tiny pearls leaking through my beady eyes.
And for 14 days continuously, for the last two weeks, I suffered the same haunting dream, and it ends with cold sweat on my face and body, leaving me shiver slightly in the darkness, her gasping voice echoing clear like water in my ears.. Leaving me confused, crumpled, tired, sad, guilty, and more...
on the 15th day which was yesterday, it surmounts..
Alas I recognise the face of my kill.....
It was you dian.......
I am a murderer.
Help me Allah, I need your Grace, for I feel weak from the 30hrs of sleep over 360hrs of living on your Earth You created.
I need help. Really. I need to stop this dream, I've been fighting it, but so far it only leaves me in fear of ever sleeping again. My eyebags are getting worser than ever.
Help me. Pls. Anyone. Anybody. :(
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Kumar is declaring a state of depression.
Emo period starts from now.
Now go away.
PS: dian I miss you..
How can you be dead, when you're in my heart..?
You're not dead. You're not. You can't. I wun accept it. You are alive. You are....... :(
"I won't live to see another day, I swear its true..
Cuz a girl like you is impossible to find.
Impossible to find."
this one is for us.
The author is reminiscing the moments he had with dian, where he shares everything.. He thinks that no one can replace such a beauty, for he feels so lucky to love and be loved by a best friend. Key word: Best friend. He insist that love is more than just feelings, it is friendship. And from friendship, there is understanding and trust. Without it, its nothing more than a mere infatuation.
Emo period starts from now.
Now go away.
PS: dian I miss you..
How can you be dead, when you're in my heart..?
You're not dead. You're not. You can't. I wun accept it. You are alive. You are....... :(
"I won't live to see another day, I swear its true..
Cuz a girl like you is impossible to find.
Impossible to find."
this one is for us.
The author is reminiscing the moments he had with dian, where he shares everything.. He thinks that no one can replace such a beauty, for he feels so lucky to love and be loved by a best friend. Key word: Best friend. He insist that love is more than just feelings, it is friendship. And from friendship, there is understanding and trust. Without it, its nothing more than a mere infatuation.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Azhari is gone. Now I really feel the pinch. An intellectual friend who always offer me another angle to whatever the situation is is not here in Singapore anymore.
I promised him I'll see him over there. And I will.
I will also drop by dian's grave.
A week has passed, but I feel that there is nothing important for me to blog about. The week passed by like flashes of lightning, leaving me stranded, wondering what the heck has happened.
So busy, I didn't even have time for myself.
I've discussed with my parents regarding the need of braces. After much weighing, I finally abled to convince them to try. There goes my car license. But what the heck, I won't need it anyway. I think I need a nice smile for my future. I really really think so.
Samir thinks its good to have those, so that you look even more handsomer than ever. I beg to differ. Apparently, I think I have been living in a self-denial world lately. I think I could do anything I want. Be whoever I want to be. But still, it all comes down to one final answer.
I cannot.
Why?
Simpy cuz im a normal ugly human being with an aspiration to do great things in life.
And with that saying, I need to sacrifice a lot of things.
It all started when I was helping Hasan Azhari with his luggage, pushing the trolley towards the check-in counter. As I saw Hasan mingling with his friends, spending every last moment he could with his loved one, I saw myself in his position. The opportunity to see the world, to do great things in life. I saw myself, in Hasan's position, and how does it really feel to leave everything behind to pursue your dreams.
And so my brain was having its own cosmic battle.
I come from a very conservative family, who deals with religious issues with utmost respect, and family bonding so strong it makes the strong intermolecular forces of attraction in diamonds look like jelly.
So naturally they are unwilling to see me actually spread my wings and fly. Though it is true that my dad once told me to be different and fly. Obviously he is being ironical.
I understand- the fact that they really do care about me and what im about to do. They have been holding my hands throughout the journey, shaping me to be the individual everybody knows by the name of Muhammad Hazlami Ibnu Zawawi.
The hour of wolves approaches. And as the clock strikes midnight on 25th September 2008, I'll be a full fledge adult. It is time for them to let go. Let it all go. Redha, and let me find my own path to find Allah.
I see Allah in everything that I see. But there are things that I haven't seen yet. And so, I need to see it all to understand life.
I see the responsibility getting heaver on my shoulders. I feel the strength in me to actually take risks without even thinking twice. I think my mind is ready to seek knowledge. To learn.
And so that night, I saw myself leaving it all behind, and now i finally understand why Allah put me in this position. He gave me time, time to think, to seek the truth about myself, and to think about my potentials, to change me, so that I'll be ready for 2009, as an adult. A man.
A man who will pursue his dreams.
Braces is a small factor, but details too are important to achieve my dreams.
I love to smile, that everyone know. But think, a beautiful smile would definitely make a person even more happy. Im not saying just woman, for I believe my smile is for the world.
I told samir, that in the process of metamorphosis, I think I cannot go as far as he would want to. I think our ship must harbor. For now.
Im feeling as lonely as ever, but I know I must fight this feeling. Now its just me and my dreams that'll fill this empty heart of mine.
This song really is singing what im really feeling now.
Here's another sunday morning call
Yer hear yer head-a-banging on the door
Slip your shoes on and then out you crawl
Into a day that couldn't give you more
But what for?
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
And you take what you want
But you don't get it for free
You need more time
Cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
But i'm not sure if it'll ever work out right
But it's ok. It's alright
When yer lonely and you start to hear
The little voices in your head at night
You will only sniff away the tears
So you can dance until the morning light
At what price
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
And you take what you want
But you won't get it for free
You need more time
Becouse your thoughts and words won't last forever more
But i'm not sure if it'll ever work out right
But it's ok. It's alright
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
And you take what you want
But you won't get it for free
You need more time
Because your thoughts and words won't last forever more
And i'm not sure if it'll ever, ever, ever work out right
If it'll ever, ever, ever work out right?
Will it ever, ever, ever work out right?
I promised him I'll see him over there. And I will.
I will also drop by dian's grave.
A week has passed, but I feel that there is nothing important for me to blog about. The week passed by like flashes of lightning, leaving me stranded, wondering what the heck has happened.
So busy, I didn't even have time for myself.
I've discussed with my parents regarding the need of braces. After much weighing, I finally abled to convince them to try. There goes my car license. But what the heck, I won't need it anyway. I think I need a nice smile for my future. I really really think so.
Samir thinks its good to have those, so that you look even more handsomer than ever. I beg to differ. Apparently, I think I have been living in a self-denial world lately. I think I could do anything I want. Be whoever I want to be. But still, it all comes down to one final answer.
I cannot.
Why?
Simpy cuz im a normal ugly human being with an aspiration to do great things in life.
And with that saying, I need to sacrifice a lot of things.
It all started when I was helping Hasan Azhari with his luggage, pushing the trolley towards the check-in counter. As I saw Hasan mingling with his friends, spending every last moment he could with his loved one, I saw myself in his position. The opportunity to see the world, to do great things in life. I saw myself, in Hasan's position, and how does it really feel to leave everything behind to pursue your dreams.
And so my brain was having its own cosmic battle.
I come from a very conservative family, who deals with religious issues with utmost respect, and family bonding so strong it makes the strong intermolecular forces of attraction in diamonds look like jelly.
So naturally they are unwilling to see me actually spread my wings and fly. Though it is true that my dad once told me to be different and fly. Obviously he is being ironical.
I understand- the fact that they really do care about me and what im about to do. They have been holding my hands throughout the journey, shaping me to be the individual everybody knows by the name of Muhammad Hazlami Ibnu Zawawi.
The hour of wolves approaches. And as the clock strikes midnight on 25th September 2008, I'll be a full fledge adult. It is time for them to let go. Let it all go. Redha, and let me find my own path to find Allah.
I see Allah in everything that I see. But there are things that I haven't seen yet. And so, I need to see it all to understand life.
I see the responsibility getting heaver on my shoulders. I feel the strength in me to actually take risks without even thinking twice. I think my mind is ready to seek knowledge. To learn.
And so that night, I saw myself leaving it all behind, and now i finally understand why Allah put me in this position. He gave me time, time to think, to seek the truth about myself, and to think about my potentials, to change me, so that I'll be ready for 2009, as an adult. A man.
A man who will pursue his dreams.
Braces is a small factor, but details too are important to achieve my dreams.
I love to smile, that everyone know. But think, a beautiful smile would definitely make a person even more happy. Im not saying just woman, for I believe my smile is for the world.
I told samir, that in the process of metamorphosis, I think I cannot go as far as he would want to. I think our ship must harbor. For now.
Im feeling as lonely as ever, but I know I must fight this feeling. Now its just me and my dreams that'll fill this empty heart of mine.
This song really is singing what im really feeling now.
Here's another sunday morning call
Yer hear yer head-a-banging on the door
Slip your shoes on and then out you crawl
Into a day that couldn't give you more
But what for?
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
And you take what you want
But you don't get it for free
You need more time
Cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
But i'm not sure if it'll ever work out right
But it's ok. It's alright
When yer lonely and you start to hear
The little voices in your head at night
You will only sniff away the tears
So you can dance until the morning light
At what price
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
And you take what you want
But you won't get it for free
You need more time
Becouse your thoughts and words won't last forever more
But i'm not sure if it'll ever work out right
But it's ok. It's alright
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
And you take what you want
But you won't get it for free
You need more time
Because your thoughts and words won't last forever more
And i'm not sure if it'll ever, ever, ever work out right
If it'll ever, ever, ever work out right?
Will it ever, ever, ever work out right?
Friday, June 20, 2008
Im leaving to KL soon. 2145hrs is our bus ride. It'll be a 3 day event.
I would like to extend an apology to all those that I met in my span of 20 years.
Those whom I owe money to- but usually its the other way round- can refer to my bro Hasanul Arifin for claim of money.
I love everyone, and not to mention the kids in Africa.
To dad and mum, and bro n lil bros, pray for my journey, if anything happens, do sedekah me with fatehahs. Its gona be dark there in the grave.
To friends and all, life is nothing without compassion. Wealth blinds. Do help the poor, and the needy, and continue my story and revolution against oppression on women, and the weak. Remember the poor. Always remember the people who are in pain. While you are enjoying life, do take some time off to think about the children of Palestine, wishing that they could enjoy life just like you do.
And to those whom it may concern,
I Hazlami apologise for the words typed out. But still, it doesnt change the fact that hatred is implanted in your hearts, and you constantly live in fear. Yes, fear. Fear of people's perception on you. The anxiety that builds up in you drives the compulsion to change the emotional dilemma to a rational dictating action that well, suits your desire to make yourself perfect.
Every human drives towards perfection, as stated in the quran,
"Inna lillah hi wa inna ilaihi raji'un."
What comes from Him will return to Him.
Return is inferred by the author as moving towards a certain objective.
While this is so, perhaps you must understand that it is a right for every soul to raise his or her objection. So I plead to you to act maturely, without us there is nothing.
I am a seargant once, and I am damn sure that the welfare of men is the most important thing.
Effective productivity comes from the cohesive and warm environment, where workers might treat it as a 'second' home. Meaning to say, it must have a similar trait to family characteristics.
And henceforth, as a family unit, one must support each other.
The key word here is support, and the author wishes to stress that factual observation.
Professionalism is derive from the acts of the ability to control and bring out the best possible potential from an individual.
The author suggest the readers to look carefully at the word, 'control', and stresses out that all that is said are moving towards are constructive criticism and not to negate or offend any parties.
Renungkanlah.
Whee, off to Kuala Lumpur!!
I would like to extend an apology to all those that I met in my span of 20 years.
Those whom I owe money to- but usually its the other way round- can refer to my bro Hasanul Arifin for claim of money.
I love everyone, and not to mention the kids in Africa.
To dad and mum, and bro n lil bros, pray for my journey, if anything happens, do sedekah me with fatehahs. Its gona be dark there in the grave.
To friends and all, life is nothing without compassion. Wealth blinds. Do help the poor, and the needy, and continue my story and revolution against oppression on women, and the weak. Remember the poor. Always remember the people who are in pain. While you are enjoying life, do take some time off to think about the children of Palestine, wishing that they could enjoy life just like you do.
And to those whom it may concern,
I Hazlami apologise for the words typed out. But still, it doesnt change the fact that hatred is implanted in your hearts, and you constantly live in fear. Yes, fear. Fear of people's perception on you. The anxiety that builds up in you drives the compulsion to change the emotional dilemma to a rational dictating action that well, suits your desire to make yourself perfect.
Every human drives towards perfection, as stated in the quran,
"Inna lillah hi wa inna ilaihi raji'un."
What comes from Him will return to Him.
Return is inferred by the author as moving towards a certain objective.
While this is so, perhaps you must understand that it is a right for every soul to raise his or her objection. So I plead to you to act maturely, without us there is nothing.
I am a seargant once, and I am damn sure that the welfare of men is the most important thing.
Effective productivity comes from the cohesive and warm environment, where workers might treat it as a 'second' home. Meaning to say, it must have a similar trait to family characteristics.
And henceforth, as a family unit, one must support each other.
The key word here is support, and the author wishes to stress that factual observation.
Professionalism is derive from the acts of the ability to control and bring out the best possible potential from an individual.
The author suggest the readers to look carefully at the word, 'control', and stresses out that all that is said are moving towards are constructive criticism and not to negate or offend any parties.
Renungkanlah.
Whee, off to Kuala Lumpur!!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
edited version
Dad just went through a horrible surgery involving shit procedures to clear his airway, and that includes having his nose cut of surgically and clearing the god-knows-what inside, and closing the holes in his nose skull, wadever it is that is..
Hope he is ok, he looks horrible, like he got punched on his nose till it dropped off, but I know he is strong.
Anyways, work is a bitch. (edited version)
This part has been censored due to unforeseen circumstances in which it is regrettable, and the author would like to make a public apology to those who are involved.
continue..
Oh btw, the other day, I and Samir went to explore the Marina part of Singapore. And as a Sect Comm, I have failed in navigating ourselves from the FUP (Form-up-point) to the objective. Well, since when did I excel in navigation?! Heck. We got lost in Brunei leh.
We checked this quiet place called the Marina South Pier. Well ladies and gentleman, according to my observation, it is highly likely that couples without transportation would try to avoid that paritcular venue simply because- IT IS NOT ACCESSIBLE!!
Well, there is one road that leads there. And the place is fantastic.
Its a harbor, kinda like a mini version of Harborfront, but definitely beautiful because-
1) Its away from the city lights so having a nice view of the constellation is pleasing to the eye.
2) Its quiet, apart from the wheezing of the sea breeze and the occasional horns of small boats.
3) No mosquito, cz its at the top of the 3-storey building on a carpet grass.
4) Relax atmosphere, cz we saw a guy who apparently took advantage of it by mugging there.
5) Romantic getaway :)
Yups, and after that we headed to Singapore Flyer to explore.
The thing that makes a journey fun is not the value of the place we are heading at, but rather, the people going with you. And hell, since Samir is like Kumar, and im like Harold, so it is very 'animated' seeing two guys at each others throats laughing and shouting at army boys in the car saying, "ORD OH!" in public and laugh at political jokes along the way.
There is one incident I would like to highlight.
We checked out Popeye's @ SIngapore Flyer. There isn't a halal certificate. And we saw a family consisting of makciks and pakciks eating hungrily.
Samir + Hazlami + non-halal restaurant + a group of malay MUSLIM old dudes and chix
=
CHAOS!!
We were so close in informing the malay guy that it is not halal, whatever he is eating that is.
Not to mention the what ifs scenario..
"Eh makcik, eee makan babi! sedap tak? makan makan, at most masuk neraka resort pe.."
"Eh atok, sampai menjilat jari nampak? Taubatla cik.. dah tua, rambut dah putih, tak reti2 ke tu tak halal?"
"Korang ajar seh Popeye, basted seh, dah kafir tu buat hal kafir ah, asal nk letak racun dalam org Islam kita? pasal tu la perangai macam setan.."
Hahahahahha...
And we saw this woman who was in a wedding dress taking pictures at the Singapore Flyer. I do not know why, but Samir was astounded by her well-endowed bazonkas that filtered through his beady eyes. Took me sometime to reach out into his misty idea of how he wanted to have a good wife with um, heavy duty pair of batteries- haha to decipher that he actually like the woman in that dress. Of course, blame me for the pentium 2 celeron processors. duh.
Well, KL is gonna be fun. I hope.
But first my dad. He needs the family now.
Oh allah, do shine light upon our family, and pity us, for we subject our souls to You.. For you are, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful..
PS: btw, i love this song, keeps my feet in the groove.. :D like you just wanna sway with the heavy beats.. and shit, my legs are already starting to move!!?!
PPS: eh lana, i know you are reading this blog, haha, but really, it amazes me how nice you were, buying the shoes for Samir, what a thoughtful friend you really are.. and by my standards, you do have some class in fashion!
Pray for my dad yeah?
Hope he is ok, he looks horrible, like he got punched on his nose till it dropped off, but I know he is strong.
Anyways, work is a bitch. (edited version)
This part has been censored due to unforeseen circumstances in which it is regrettable, and the author would like to make a public apology to those who are involved.
continue..
Oh btw, the other day, I and Samir went to explore the Marina part of Singapore. And as a Sect Comm, I have failed in navigating ourselves from the FUP (Form-up-point) to the objective. Well, since when did I excel in navigation?! Heck. We got lost in Brunei leh.
We checked this quiet place called the Marina South Pier. Well ladies and gentleman, according to my observation, it is highly likely that couples without transportation would try to avoid that paritcular venue simply because- IT IS NOT ACCESSIBLE!!
Well, there is one road that leads there. And the place is fantastic.
Its a harbor, kinda like a mini version of Harborfront, but definitely beautiful because-
1) Its away from the city lights so having a nice view of the constellation is pleasing to the eye.
2) Its quiet, apart from the wheezing of the sea breeze and the occasional horns of small boats.
3) No mosquito, cz its at the top of the 3-storey building on a carpet grass.
4) Relax atmosphere, cz we saw a guy who apparently took advantage of it by mugging there.
5) Romantic getaway :)
Yups, and after that we headed to Singapore Flyer to explore.
The thing that makes a journey fun is not the value of the place we are heading at, but rather, the people going with you. And hell, since Samir is like Kumar, and im like Harold, so it is very 'animated' seeing two guys at each others throats laughing and shouting at army boys in the car saying, "ORD OH!" in public and laugh at political jokes along the way.
There is one incident I would like to highlight.
We checked out Popeye's @ SIngapore Flyer. There isn't a halal certificate. And we saw a family consisting of makciks and pakciks eating hungrily.
Samir + Hazlami + non-halal restaurant + a group of malay MUSLIM old dudes and chix
=
CHAOS!!
We were so close in informing the malay guy that it is not halal, whatever he is eating that is.
Not to mention the what ifs scenario..
"Eh makcik, eee makan babi! sedap tak? makan makan, at most masuk neraka resort pe.."
"Eh atok, sampai menjilat jari nampak? Taubatla cik.. dah tua, rambut dah putih, tak reti2 ke tu tak halal?"
"Korang ajar seh Popeye, basted seh, dah kafir tu buat hal kafir ah, asal nk letak racun dalam org Islam kita? pasal tu la perangai macam setan.."
Hahahahahha...
And we saw this woman who was in a wedding dress taking pictures at the Singapore Flyer. I do not know why, but Samir was astounded by her well-endowed bazonkas that filtered through his beady eyes. Took me sometime to reach out into his misty idea of how he wanted to have a good wife with um, heavy duty pair of batteries- haha to decipher that he actually like the woman in that dress. Of course, blame me for the pentium 2 celeron processors. duh.
Well, KL is gonna be fun. I hope.
But first my dad. He needs the family now.
Oh allah, do shine light upon our family, and pity us, for we subject our souls to You.. For you are, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful..
PS: btw, i love this song, keeps my feet in the groove.. :D like you just wanna sway with the heavy beats.. and shit, my legs are already starting to move!!?!
PPS: eh lana, i know you are reading this blog, haha, but really, it amazes me how nice you were, buying the shoes for Samir, what a thoughtful friend you really are.. and by my standards, you do have some class in fashion!
Pray for my dad yeah?
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Think I have to redo this blogskin, its totally not colourful.
Slacked at Syirazi's house today, and guess what? I have this fleeting guilt as I caught his mum off guard- she was in like a one piece clothing or sumting, and Sam did tried to warn her of my presence to pray and eat.
Oh wth. And im grateful for their hospitality. Thanks dude. I got myself a 3rd home now, 2nd would be my room and the first I wun elaborate duh.
Im kinda tired now, and tomorrow is wanpee's last day at IRAS, so for the Brotherhood, me and Samir will go to work to show our support and tender loving care.
We had so much fun today. I'll blog about it later when im really in the mood.
The Adventures of Megus Hazimus and Samir Akhlaken *adapted from the movie 'Tiga Abdul'*
Seriously we make a good team.
He can be Harold, while I can be Kumar.
Reason?
He is after all, chinese looking. Haha.
And I look like a burnt chicken.
So period. Haha.
And Harold Syirazi nearly deserved the noose when he attempted to ask a Malay Family who were eating at Popeye's whether the restaurant is certified 'Halal'.
And its Kumar Zawawi and not Harold Syirazi that begged the latter not to make a fool out of himself haha!
But still, we explored a part of Singapore. Next up, KL.. and in the future, the WORLD!!
Haha.. mcm paham aku nih. I'll post pics on the next post.
And I promise you readers a better, entertaining stories of my social escapades as I gain more insights from the world.. And I'll start from this minuscule dot on the map called Bukit Panjang.. :D
Goodnight, and enjoy the song..
Maybe I just want to fly
I want live, don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
Caution: Living forever doesn't actually mean drinking from the fountain of youth. Instead, why not see it as living the youths of your life free with an open heart and a far sight, and liberate yourself from narrow-minded anomalies that has shaped your mind and conquer your heart, making you live in a prison in a prison.
Life is a already a prison. Dun live your prison-driven life in another prison-dwelled bottle. :D
And this is directed to those who likes to point fingers and claims they have known you far enough and starts to audit your actions without actually hearing the full story. More like, taking a sip from a cup of coffee and spontaneously answer," Yo mama dis cuppa is delllicious!!"
And fail to see that the sweetener is still stuck on the spoon.
Mix it first, take 3 sips, smell the aroma, and then give your thoughts.
Though I do accept your constructive criticisms. Insya'allah, I'll change for the better. Ameen. I am a jerk, really.
Thank you, come again!
Slacked at Syirazi's house today, and guess what? I have this fleeting guilt as I caught his mum off guard- she was in like a one piece clothing or sumting, and Sam did tried to warn her of my presence to pray and eat.
Oh wth. And im grateful for their hospitality. Thanks dude. I got myself a 3rd home now, 2nd would be my room and the first I wun elaborate duh.
Im kinda tired now, and tomorrow is wanpee's last day at IRAS, so for the Brotherhood, me and Samir will go to work to show our support and tender loving care.
We had so much fun today. I'll blog about it later when im really in the mood.
The Adventures of Megus Hazimus and Samir Akhlaken *adapted from the movie 'Tiga Abdul'*
Seriously we make a good team.
He can be Harold, while I can be Kumar.
Reason?
He is after all, chinese looking. Haha.
And I look like a burnt chicken.
So period. Haha.
And Harold Syirazi nearly deserved the noose when he attempted to ask a Malay Family who were eating at Popeye's whether the restaurant is certified 'Halal'.
And its Kumar Zawawi and not Harold Syirazi that begged the latter not to make a fool out of himself haha!
But still, we explored a part of Singapore. Next up, KL.. and in the future, the WORLD!!
Haha.. mcm paham aku nih. I'll post pics on the next post.
And I promise you readers a better, entertaining stories of my social escapades as I gain more insights from the world.. And I'll start from this minuscule dot on the map called Bukit Panjang.. :D
Goodnight, and enjoy the song..
Maybe I just want to fly
I want live, don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
Caution: Living forever doesn't actually mean drinking from the fountain of youth. Instead, why not see it as living the youths of your life free with an open heart and a far sight, and liberate yourself from narrow-minded anomalies that has shaped your mind and conquer your heart, making you live in a prison in a prison.
Life is a already a prison. Dun live your prison-driven life in another prison-dwelled bottle. :D
And this is directed to those who likes to point fingers and claims they have known you far enough and starts to audit your actions without actually hearing the full story. More like, taking a sip from a cup of coffee and spontaneously answer," Yo mama dis cuppa is delllicious!!"
And fail to see that the sweetener is still stuck on the spoon.
Mix it first, take 3 sips, smell the aroma, and then give your thoughts.
Though I do accept your constructive criticisms. Insya'allah, I'll change for the better. Ameen. I am a jerk, really.
Thank you, come again!
Sunday, June 01, 2008
the CAGE
The cage was awesome.
The game was fantastic. Its been a while since I played soccer.
The artificial pitch is also fine, wasn't too wet nor dry. In fact I can shoot and do moves with ease.
Just that the crowd we are facing- we meaning me and Samir, are chinese dudes, and this dudes are there for a reason.
To win. And dat takes away the soul of the game.
I always believe in Joga Bonito, really. Arsenal is a direct epitome of such beauty. Well look at the way they play, less strength, more passing and depth.
But this bunch of guys just keep whacking. And hell I nearly injured my shin.
But still, that doesn't mean i didn't enjoy the game.. cz..
Samir and I were the best!!
Haha.. Samir is like a freaking bullet train dat doesnt stop playing- he runs here and there and all around, pressurising the opponent.
He scored like 3 ah. He has the stamina, realli. And his stamina even outwits me, the guy who gets gold for IPPT 2 times, and a natural athlete.
All though I wasn't in his team, and I didn't have the chance to go head to head with him, cz i mostly played right wing, there was one moment where he steal the ball from me, and he was suppose to play right forward. Darn.
Speaking of stealing, I actually did two moves dat i think im proud of haha. Mcm betol je.
I was pinned down in the right wing by this aggressive player, and since it is the cage, i was forced to play with the wall.
The guy tried to whack my legs, but i stop the ball with my left foot. And the ball is actually on my right. Get it?
I put my left leg diagonally towards my right, turn, lobang him, and tried a shot but missed. Haha.
If only I had the stamina like Syirazi, we cud make a great team.
He was like Gerard, controlling the game with excellant stamina and depth, while I was like Van Persie yg level 1 ah, trying to be flamboyant while doing moves.
Oh ya there is this one instance, dat I was the keeper, and Samir is the opposition team keeper.
I tried hitting the ball from my position, it went high and nearly went to the top corner of the post, but samir was on the ball.
Love Van persie sia. Woho!
Wanna play in the cage again, only that its exp. So I was thinking of playing soccer on the streets, but yet, not competitive game ah, but just skills and laughter.
Pancet seh kalau asek kene kejar bola hahaha!
Me and samir can really make up a gd team, me on the wing, he in the centre giving through passes. I get the ball, do some skills, gives him the ball and let him do the magic.
Power, it really takes the stress of my life away for a while.
And the going home part is lepak, he sent me home. Kan lagi senang? very thoughtful of him, respect brother ni seh, mana nak carik kawan yg sanggup go the extra mile for you?
And since we share common dreams, and character, he is alr in my circle of brotherhood, among the rest of my brothers like the army gang which includes, Taufiq, Azhari, Din, Wanpee, Izhar, my CCK brothers Kamarul and gang, and not forgetting my brothers in blood, best friend and the only one that gives me the brotherly hug- Md Hasanul Arifin.
I will not give up on you people. I will make you people proud. Someday. Somehow.
Let my journey begin!
Di mana bahtera ini engkau ya rabbi inginku pergi..
Di usung bahtera ini mengikut arus dan kencangnya ribut
dibedal dan di campak
berhampiran karam terjerumus..
Namun bahtera ini mampu berdiri lagi..
Dan ia meneruskan hebatnya hikayat dalam mata pena yg senantiasa menulis..
Allah huma ana!
Rasulullah S.A.W said in his hadith:
" He, who is not satisfied with Allah, has a worried soul and a troubled body."
"Now surely the friends of Allah-- they shall have no fear nor shall they grieve. They shall have good news in this world's life and in the hereafter; there is no changing the words of Allah (decree); that is the mighty achievement. And let not their speech grieve you (oh Muhammad); surely might is wholly Allah's; He is the Hearing, the Knowing. (Yunus: 62-65)
Hence i have no fear, abang.. All that is are willed by Allah, and no matter what, I'll reach my dreams to help His people and give back what is not mine.
Innallah ha ma'as sabirin. Amin.
Salam.
The game was fantastic. Its been a while since I played soccer.
The artificial pitch is also fine, wasn't too wet nor dry. In fact I can shoot and do moves with ease.
Just that the crowd we are facing- we meaning me and Samir, are chinese dudes, and this dudes are there for a reason.
To win. And dat takes away the soul of the game.
I always believe in Joga Bonito, really. Arsenal is a direct epitome of such beauty. Well look at the way they play, less strength, more passing and depth.
But this bunch of guys just keep whacking. And hell I nearly injured my shin.
But still, that doesn't mean i didn't enjoy the game.. cz..
Samir and I were the best!!
Haha.. Samir is like a freaking bullet train dat doesnt stop playing- he runs here and there and all around, pressurising the opponent.
He scored like 3 ah. He has the stamina, realli. And his stamina even outwits me, the guy who gets gold for IPPT 2 times, and a natural athlete.
All though I wasn't in his team, and I didn't have the chance to go head to head with him, cz i mostly played right wing, there was one moment where he steal the ball from me, and he was suppose to play right forward. Darn.
Speaking of stealing, I actually did two moves dat i think im proud of haha. Mcm betol je.
I was pinned down in the right wing by this aggressive player, and since it is the cage, i was forced to play with the wall.
The guy tried to whack my legs, but i stop the ball with my left foot. And the ball is actually on my right. Get it?
I put my left leg diagonally towards my right, turn, lobang him, and tried a shot but missed. Haha.
If only I had the stamina like Syirazi, we cud make a great team.
He was like Gerard, controlling the game with excellant stamina and depth, while I was like Van Persie yg level 1 ah, trying to be flamboyant while doing moves.
Oh ya there is this one instance, dat I was the keeper, and Samir is the opposition team keeper.
I tried hitting the ball from my position, it went high and nearly went to the top corner of the post, but samir was on the ball.
Love Van persie sia. Woho!
Wanna play in the cage again, only that its exp. So I was thinking of playing soccer on the streets, but yet, not competitive game ah, but just skills and laughter.
Pancet seh kalau asek kene kejar bola hahaha!
Me and samir can really make up a gd team, me on the wing, he in the centre giving through passes. I get the ball, do some skills, gives him the ball and let him do the magic.
Power, it really takes the stress of my life away for a while.
And the going home part is lepak, he sent me home. Kan lagi senang? very thoughtful of him, respect brother ni seh, mana nak carik kawan yg sanggup go the extra mile for you?
And since we share common dreams, and character, he is alr in my circle of brotherhood, among the rest of my brothers like the army gang which includes, Taufiq, Azhari, Din, Wanpee, Izhar, my CCK brothers Kamarul and gang, and not forgetting my brothers in blood, best friend and the only one that gives me the brotherly hug- Md Hasanul Arifin.
I will not give up on you people. I will make you people proud. Someday. Somehow.
Let my journey begin!
Di mana bahtera ini engkau ya rabbi inginku pergi..
Di usung bahtera ini mengikut arus dan kencangnya ribut
dibedal dan di campak
berhampiran karam terjerumus..
Namun bahtera ini mampu berdiri lagi..
Dan ia meneruskan hebatnya hikayat dalam mata pena yg senantiasa menulis..
Allah huma ana!
Rasulullah S.A.W said in his hadith:
" He, who is not satisfied with Allah, has a worried soul and a troubled body."
"Now surely the friends of Allah-- they shall have no fear nor shall they grieve. They shall have good news in this world's life and in the hereafter; there is no changing the words of Allah (decree); that is the mighty achievement. And let not their speech grieve you (oh Muhammad); surely might is wholly Allah's; He is the Hearing, the Knowing. (Yunus: 62-65)
Hence i have no fear, abang.. All that is are willed by Allah, and no matter what, I'll reach my dreams to help His people and give back what is not mine.
Innallah ha ma'as sabirin. Amin.
Salam.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Bad news, im not going to NUS after all.
Wel I guess it was not meant to be. I have a plan dat would still bring me back from the dead.
Hope it works, and hope God gives me the blessing.
I swear it on my family's good name that I'll study hard and make them proud, get a scholarship so I wun burden them with the bills. Thou the journey is far, but I guess the passion to succeed in life will never die.
Like the snail which got itself squashed.
It got itself killed, yes.
But there will be many more snails that'll cross the road. And we will not stop until we reach the far bank.
A honours in business, couple with good awards and fine portfolio shud do the trick.
Life as a traveller, dats my destiny.
Wel I guess it was not meant to be. I have a plan dat would still bring me back from the dead.
Hope it works, and hope God gives me the blessing.
I swear it on my family's good name that I'll study hard and make them proud, get a scholarship so I wun burden them with the bills. Thou the journey is far, but I guess the passion to succeed in life will never die.
Like the snail which got itself squashed.
It got itself killed, yes.
But there will be many more snails that'll cross the road. And we will not stop until we reach the far bank.
A honours in business, couple with good awards and fine portfolio shud do the trick.
Life as a traveller, dats my destiny.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
I typed my name in googles. And guess what?
There is so many people out there who link me up but I didn't know half of them.
Or maybe I knew. Know. Could have known.
Well, it was nice reading old posts dated way back till 2006, people blogging about me. I came across a particular abandoned blog, think it was nisa. Something about what I say to her during those days. Now I understand..
See? People don't dare to speak what they feel, and even so, they hide it. So what's the point of blogging anyways?
Write it on paper. Really. Online stuff are meant for sharing, not for privacy. Unless you put a password on it, but still, *arms stretching* it would be easy to hack in.
Thank you people, forgotten ones, I would remember you people from now on.
And im still pissed. And im not gonna say it here. I'll put it in my small black diary.
"When you're a fire, I became the water. But when I was the fire, you became a fire too. Now where's the water?"
Looks like I gotta take my ablutions frequently, get more splashes of water on my already boiling head.
There is so many people out there who link me up but I didn't know half of them.
Or maybe I knew. Know. Could have known.
Well, it was nice reading old posts dated way back till 2006, people blogging about me. I came across a particular abandoned blog, think it was nisa. Something about what I say to her during those days. Now I understand..
See? People don't dare to speak what they feel, and even so, they hide it. So what's the point of blogging anyways?
Write it on paper. Really. Online stuff are meant for sharing, not for privacy. Unless you put a password on it, but still, *arms stretching* it would be easy to hack in.
Thank you people, forgotten ones, I would remember you people from now on.
And im still pissed. And im not gonna say it here. I'll put it in my small black diary.
"When you're a fire, I became the water. But when I was the fire, you became a fire too. Now where's the water?"
Looks like I gotta take my ablutions frequently, get more splashes of water on my already boiling head.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
"If one does not attach himself to people and desire, never shall his heart be broken. But then, does he ever truly live?" -Forbidden Kingdom
I watch this movie on Sunday. And as I made my way back home from teaching tuition, thinking about that quote, I came across a horrifying scene. A dead snail the size of a human palm sprawled silently on the steps in a mess of sorts- gore liquid and cracked shells.
I wonder what makes the snail deserve such tragedy. Is it cuz he is stupid enuf to try crossing the steps but fail to recognize the high chances of it getting step by some ignorant human? Or is it goes to show that when you try to reach something that is far, you have a high chance of getting yourself 'killed'- meaning that your passion dies off just like THAT!
Woa.. Strange..
So I was terribly disturbed by it, and with the quote hanging loose in my head, I was swimming in the dumps.
So I took a rest at the bench below my block and had a deep thought about it.
The question is, "..does he ever truly live?"
Desires are elements by nature. The desire to eat, to sleep. Its a way in which the brain reaches to the body to get the necessary elements to make it 'alive'.
And it is a norm to have such earthly attachments to earthly desires.
But the desire to have dreams, does a person 'live' if he unhatched himself from having goals and aspirations?
But what if he tries hard but in the process, he fails, and there ends the aspirations and dreams?
Does it kill you inside?
Still pondering.
With work and shit, it'll be much harder for me to think. Now.
Hate work. :D
I watch this movie on Sunday. And as I made my way back home from teaching tuition, thinking about that quote, I came across a horrifying scene. A dead snail the size of a human palm sprawled silently on the steps in a mess of sorts- gore liquid and cracked shells.
I wonder what makes the snail deserve such tragedy. Is it cuz he is stupid enuf to try crossing the steps but fail to recognize the high chances of it getting step by some ignorant human? Or is it goes to show that when you try to reach something that is far, you have a high chance of getting yourself 'killed'- meaning that your passion dies off just like THAT!
Woa.. Strange..
So I was terribly disturbed by it, and with the quote hanging loose in my head, I was swimming in the dumps.
So I took a rest at the bench below my block and had a deep thought about it.
The question is, "..does he ever truly live?"
Desires are elements by nature. The desire to eat, to sleep. Its a way in which the brain reaches to the body to get the necessary elements to make it 'alive'.
And it is a norm to have such earthly attachments to earthly desires.
But the desire to have dreams, does a person 'live' if he unhatched himself from having goals and aspirations?
But what if he tries hard but in the process, he fails, and there ends the aspirations and dreams?
Does it kill you inside?
Still pondering.
With work and shit, it'll be much harder for me to think. Now.
Hate work. :D
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Blast it!!
Yesterday was lovely. Really. And when I saw her putting her head on my shoulders in the glass reflection in the MRT, I was thinking dat perhaps the ending part wud be a very nice treat. Actually, its more ASSUMING rather den hoping- everything was flawless.
The fact that it was unplanned. That I saw Shasha at work where again, I assumed she wasn't working on Saturdays and not at level 3 either. She too was shocked- it took her exactly 8 secs for her to put her eyes away from mine. Maybe perhaps shocked at my hair - I cut my hair short see, and she never did saw the hazlami-short-hair-guy before haha.
It was a simple spike layered hair, kinda lyk my AJC-inspired chinese boys hairstyle. Still influenced by those days, I manage to fork out 10 bux to finally get my hair trim after breaking the alma-promise of not cutting my hair till Sept 25.
The good thing is I could concentrate on my work, apart from the occasional trips to the photocopier and then I took the chance to see her but no luck- her back is facing me, and she's like 12 metres away.
She did smiled at me before she left quietly. I was disappointed not to at least walk with her to the lift. Im trying my very best to keep up with girls-they are soo detailed. Open the door oso happy. Haha. Sheesh.
As I walked out the building with my peeps, I ranted a series of cosmos that was well received by Samir, and so, he called her to ask if she wud join us. From here we can infer that:
1) I didn't have the balls to call her or msg her myself
2) Im being a jerk by asking another guy friend to call her up
3) She went back from dhoby ghaut all the way to novena again just to join us eating KFC, which further amplifies my jerk-affied persona
But the least I could do is to draw her a chair.
The moment of magic came when we were walking at Paragorn to cross the road. Her hand slip to mine, and so we held hands.
Having the sweaty palms, I was nervous knowing that the pores in my palms would freak out and vomit a river nile. Amazingly, it was comforting. :)
And the best part? She animatedly said," eh dah pimpin tangan? *smile*"
She sat at macs waiting patiently, accompanying me. So in turn, I offered to sent her home.
She sacrificed her aftn, so I think it was the best of me to offer that deal. But the journey to Punggol is none I could imagine. It was painstakingly tiring.
And I assumed that it would be like, I reach Punggol, I grab her hand, look into her eyes and say 'take care' with a smile.
Wrong.
Samir offered me to pray at his house. Looking at my watch, I agreed without thinking twice. Then Samir, being a true joker but honestly entertaining and true, he blarted out something like, "eh shasha why never offer Haz to pray at your house?"
Shasha replied," Maner bleh nak mati ke? My dad at home tau."
Then dat was it, I felt something is about to unfold. You know, like you have a spider sense and you know exactly what is about to happen.
He replied,"How could your dad prevent a fellow muslim to make his religious obligations?"
I laughed as usual, thinking its just a joke, but Samir carried on, jokingly saying about fearing her dad would be struck by lightning or something.
As a guy, I was ok with it, cuz its just a joke, and im still gonna pray at Samir's house after all.
Hell, she just break off in front.
I was puzzled. Tried to pujuk her but to no avail.
She gave me a weak smile, more like a smirk, and left.
I msged, I called, but no answer.
Until today. And im still waiting.
I don't want to put the blame on anyone, im not that kind of person. But im sure glad to receive or come up with solutions.
I apologised so many times, but still no answer.
How???? Its driving me mad, I didn't sleep well, kept feeling guilty.
And I was just about to be swept off my feet. And carried away on a love bubble.
Haish. :(
If only she would pick up the phone.....
PS: this song is for you. *The Reason-Hoobastank*
The fact that it was unplanned. That I saw Shasha at work where again, I assumed she wasn't working on Saturdays and not at level 3 either. She too was shocked- it took her exactly 8 secs for her to put her eyes away from mine. Maybe perhaps shocked at my hair - I cut my hair short see, and she never did saw the hazlami-short-hair-guy before haha.
It was a simple spike layered hair, kinda lyk my AJC-inspired chinese boys hairstyle. Still influenced by those days, I manage to fork out 10 bux to finally get my hair trim after breaking the alma-promise of not cutting my hair till Sept 25.
The good thing is I could concentrate on my work, apart from the occasional trips to the photocopier and then I took the chance to see her but no luck- her back is facing me, and she's like 12 metres away.
She did smiled at me before she left quietly. I was disappointed not to at least walk with her to the lift. Im trying my very best to keep up with girls-they are soo detailed. Open the door oso happy. Haha. Sheesh.
As I walked out the building with my peeps, I ranted a series of cosmos that was well received by Samir, and so, he called her to ask if she wud join us. From here we can infer that:
1) I didn't have the balls to call her or msg her myself
2) Im being a jerk by asking another guy friend to call her up
3) She went back from dhoby ghaut all the way to novena again just to join us eating KFC, which further amplifies my jerk-affied persona
But the least I could do is to draw her a chair.
The moment of magic came when we were walking at Paragorn to cross the road. Her hand slip to mine, and so we held hands.
Having the sweaty palms, I was nervous knowing that the pores in my palms would freak out and vomit a river nile. Amazingly, it was comforting. :)
And the best part? She animatedly said," eh dah pimpin tangan? *smile*"
She sat at macs waiting patiently, accompanying me. So in turn, I offered to sent her home.
She sacrificed her aftn, so I think it was the best of me to offer that deal. But the journey to Punggol is none I could imagine. It was painstakingly tiring.
And I assumed that it would be like, I reach Punggol, I grab her hand, look into her eyes and say 'take care' with a smile.
Wrong.
Samir offered me to pray at his house. Looking at my watch, I agreed without thinking twice. Then Samir, being a true joker but honestly entertaining and true, he blarted out something like, "eh shasha why never offer Haz to pray at your house?"
Shasha replied," Maner bleh nak mati ke? My dad at home tau."
Then dat was it, I felt something is about to unfold. You know, like you have a spider sense and you know exactly what is about to happen.
He replied,"How could your dad prevent a fellow muslim to make his religious obligations?"
I laughed as usual, thinking its just a joke, but Samir carried on, jokingly saying about fearing her dad would be struck by lightning or something.
As a guy, I was ok with it, cuz its just a joke, and im still gonna pray at Samir's house after all.
Hell, she just break off in front.
I was puzzled. Tried to pujuk her but to no avail.
She gave me a weak smile, more like a smirk, and left.
I msged, I called, but no answer.
Until today. And im still waiting.
I don't want to put the blame on anyone, im not that kind of person. But im sure glad to receive or come up with solutions.
I apologised so many times, but still no answer.
How???? Its driving me mad, I didn't sleep well, kept feeling guilty.
And I was just about to be swept off my feet. And carried away on a love bubble.
Haish. :(
If only she would pick up the phone.....
PS: this song is for you. *The Reason-Hoobastank*
Monday, May 19, 2008
Humans and their endless issues.
No wonder we were born to destroy.
I think we humans are broken up into a three-way basic line.
1) Conservative
2) Progressive
3) Unsure
Progressive people believes in destiny, pragmatism, and lives in a culture of competition, and as a result lacks the human spirit. Politics, power and corruption leaks, and thou the 'fish tank' looks beautiful with corals, and fishes and many mini landscape features, yet the real fishes are dead while plastic ones keep afloat, smiling back at the small children telling their mummy, "Look mum, the fish is gorgeous! Can I have one?"
Conservative people loves nature. They embrace the beauty of God, the human spirit, brotherhood, and integrity. The moral fabrication of the society is integrated, with love and religion, to bring balance in the world. Yet among the preached, they lie, and the use of rules and regulations hampered the foundation of liberation, focusing on the total absolutes, consequences etc. These people are very result-orientated, and in times of crisis, they see it as a window of opportunity to take advantage of the situation. They believe that humans too need control- the animated world they live in are monstrous and so vanity of thyself is far better than taking the stride and march forward.
The unsure society takes the two bunch, slap them up like a beef patty, and eat them. Liberalism and revolution is joyous, yet preserving the human spirit is necessary too. They keep themselves alive by believing in their heart, and be sure that the pipeline of information passed down from the heart goes through the brain for processing and filtering. Just in case. For no doubt, they are unsure. Very unsure.
And so you'd see the beauty of God. How He balances the population, and keep the system in check, whilst letting it grow and mature with His Knowledge. I must say, that without these three basic lines, the world would perish.
Actually, I take that word back. All destruction is certain of course. The fountain of youth is never a fact, its a myth. But deep inside, it lies in us.
When I see the trees, it whispers. When I hear the wind, it whistles. The language they are speaking is foreign and very few are masters of such fine ancient art. However, I think the discovery of such exquisite lies in our hearts. Think deep enough, close your eyes and feel the wind. And sure enough, it'll speak in your heart.
And I heard it when I was sitting outside level 5 IRAS, looking away to the sky. I hear the absolute. It was as though God was speaking to me.
The sudden realisation of how the system of universe work, from a single point of absolute power, to a whole dimension of hell and heaven, earth and sky, stars and galaxies. Venture through the darkness at night, and wonder yourself, how small are you, against the crushing sky that bears no pain when it comes tumbling down one day. So why do we humans keep telling ourselves that we are better? Is it because of competition? Survival instinct? Dog-eat-dog theory?
Well, what can I say, in every soul, lies hell and heaven, good deeds and bad deeds, emotions and knowledge, and all of this, come from that one single point that created the Big Bang. And from where did the energy come from?
Allah the Almighty.
A lyric written by a sufi-learner, also widely known by many, as Mahaguru Musik, M. Nasir.
Dalam aku
Ada dia
Dan dalam dia
Ada kita ada semua
Enjoy the song.
PS: Im having a hard time catching up with life, with so many things going on, and Im always busy with work, and by the time I look at the watch, I see something.
A countdown to my waking. Its like, looking at a cup and say, its half-empty, but i'd say, it's half-filled.
How lovely.
Ribut datang memperkosa
Sesak nyawa dalam jiwa
Bila roti kering
Jalan pulang
Yang kau fikirkan
Habis dilarikan
Habis dilarikan mergastua
Dalam kecewa
Dihimpit rasa
Lapar dan dahaga
Sajian susu ikan merah
Suara pengalaman
Mendamaikan
Tanji gelora yang sempat singgah
Kau hilang pertimbangan untuk pastikan
Apakah kau sedar atau dilamun khayalan
Dalam hutan
Ada taman
Dan dalam taman
Ada puterinya
Dalam baju
Ada cinta
Dan dalam cinta
Ada segala-galanya
Dalam awan
Ada hujan
Dan dalam hujan
Ada lautan
Dalam aku
Ada dia
Dan dalam dia
Ada kita ada semua
I would love to sit and listen to you talking and smiling, while I silently sip my coffee, looking into your eyes and imagine the world in it. :)
Oh wait, my good friend Samir did mention something.
"Kalau kau ada 2 choice, the first, pompuan pakai Tudong hot giler muka lawa macam Si Jolie tapi tak bleh pegang, dgn 2nd, pompuan hot giler tk pakai tudong bleh pegang tapi muke scrap macam sampah pat Jurong Island. Mana kau nak?"
My ans: I'd rather stay a bachelor. :D
No wonder we were born to destroy.
I think we humans are broken up into a three-way basic line.
1) Conservative
2) Progressive
3) Unsure
Progressive people believes in destiny, pragmatism, and lives in a culture of competition, and as a result lacks the human spirit. Politics, power and corruption leaks, and thou the 'fish tank' looks beautiful with corals, and fishes and many mini landscape features, yet the real fishes are dead while plastic ones keep afloat, smiling back at the small children telling their mummy, "Look mum, the fish is gorgeous! Can I have one?"
Conservative people loves nature. They embrace the beauty of God, the human spirit, brotherhood, and integrity. The moral fabrication of the society is integrated, with love and religion, to bring balance in the world. Yet among the preached, they lie, and the use of rules and regulations hampered the foundation of liberation, focusing on the total absolutes, consequences etc. These people are very result-orientated, and in times of crisis, they see it as a window of opportunity to take advantage of the situation. They believe that humans too need control- the animated world they live in are monstrous and so vanity of thyself is far better than taking the stride and march forward.
The unsure society takes the two bunch, slap them up like a beef patty, and eat them. Liberalism and revolution is joyous, yet preserving the human spirit is necessary too. They keep themselves alive by believing in their heart, and be sure that the pipeline of information passed down from the heart goes through the brain for processing and filtering. Just in case. For no doubt, they are unsure. Very unsure.
And so you'd see the beauty of God. How He balances the population, and keep the system in check, whilst letting it grow and mature with His Knowledge. I must say, that without these three basic lines, the world would perish.
Actually, I take that word back. All destruction is certain of course. The fountain of youth is never a fact, its a myth. But deep inside, it lies in us.
When I see the trees, it whispers. When I hear the wind, it whistles. The language they are speaking is foreign and very few are masters of such fine ancient art. However, I think the discovery of such exquisite lies in our hearts. Think deep enough, close your eyes and feel the wind. And sure enough, it'll speak in your heart.
And I heard it when I was sitting outside level 5 IRAS, looking away to the sky. I hear the absolute. It was as though God was speaking to me.
The sudden realisation of how the system of universe work, from a single point of absolute power, to a whole dimension of hell and heaven, earth and sky, stars and galaxies. Venture through the darkness at night, and wonder yourself, how small are you, against the crushing sky that bears no pain when it comes tumbling down one day. So why do we humans keep telling ourselves that we are better? Is it because of competition? Survival instinct? Dog-eat-dog theory?
Well, what can I say, in every soul, lies hell and heaven, good deeds and bad deeds, emotions and knowledge, and all of this, come from that one single point that created the Big Bang. And from where did the energy come from?
Allah the Almighty.
A lyric written by a sufi-learner, also widely known by many, as Mahaguru Musik, M. Nasir.
Dalam aku
Ada dia
Dan dalam dia
Ada kita ada semua
Enjoy the song.
PS: Im having a hard time catching up with life, with so many things going on, and Im always busy with work, and by the time I look at the watch, I see something.
A countdown to my waking. Its like, looking at a cup and say, its half-empty, but i'd say, it's half-filled.
How lovely.
Ribut datang memperkosa
Sesak nyawa dalam jiwa
Bila roti kering
Jalan pulang
Yang kau fikirkan
Habis dilarikan
Habis dilarikan mergastua
Dalam kecewa
Dihimpit rasa
Lapar dan dahaga
Sajian susu ikan merah
Suara pengalaman
Mendamaikan
Tanji gelora yang sempat singgah
Kau hilang pertimbangan untuk pastikan
Apakah kau sedar atau dilamun khayalan
Dalam hutan
Ada taman
Dan dalam taman
Ada puterinya
Dalam baju
Ada cinta
Dan dalam cinta
Ada segala-galanya
Dalam awan
Ada hujan
Dan dalam hujan
Ada lautan
Dalam aku
Ada dia
Dan dalam dia
Ada kita ada semua
I would love to sit and listen to you talking and smiling, while I silently sip my coffee, looking into your eyes and imagine the world in it. :)
Oh wait, my good friend Samir did mention something.
"Kalau kau ada 2 choice, the first, pompuan pakai Tudong hot giler muka lawa macam Si Jolie tapi tak bleh pegang, dgn 2nd, pompuan hot giler tk pakai tudong bleh pegang tapi muke scrap macam sampah pat Jurong Island. Mana kau nak?"
My ans: I'd rather stay a bachelor. :D
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Saturday, October 13, 2008. An excerpt taken by my old post.
Abang sayang.. Im sorry i cant celebrate Eid with you in Singapore.. I feel so alone here without you.. Im trying to be okae.. Im just so full of emotions now.. I miss you and love you sayang.. I know that you have done so much for me.. Praying in the middle of the night and reading the quran for me.. I love you so much sayang.. Though you can choose to live a life of your own, being with someone else who could be with you physically and yet we have stood strong for 7 months and insyallah more to come.. I cant express what im feeling for you.. If not for you abang, i think i wont be here anymore.. You gave me the strength and the will to carry on with life.. You have made my life complete.. God bless our love.. Abang, ampunkan ayang jikalau ada kesalahan andainya ayang tersinggung perasaan abang.. Sayang, send my regards to ur parents whom i haf regarded as my own, not forgetting abang hasanul, najiy and nasrun.. I love you and all..
I am saddened by this. Its her post. The last relics of a person so in love with me. And all I could do is look at it.
Abang sayang.. Im sorry i cant celebrate Eid with you in Singapore.. I feel so alone here without you.. Im trying to be okae.. Im just so full of emotions now.. I miss you and love you sayang.. I know that you have done so much for me.. Praying in the middle of the night and reading the quran for me.. I love you so much sayang.. Though you can choose to live a life of your own, being with someone else who could be with you physically and yet we have stood strong for 7 months and insyallah more to come.. I cant express what im feeling for you.. If not for you abang, i think i wont be here anymore.. You gave me the strength and the will to carry on with life.. You have made my life complete.. God bless our love.. Abang, ampunkan ayang jikalau ada kesalahan andainya ayang tersinggung perasaan abang.. Sayang, send my regards to ur parents whom i haf regarded as my own, not forgetting abang hasanul, najiy and nasrun.. I love you and all..
I am saddened by this. Its her post. The last relics of a person so in love with me. And all I could do is look at it.
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