Referring to a random blogpost I came across:

"In everything that happens, there's surely a lesson and lessons, like medicine, aren't always sweet-tasting. As always, WWRD? :) In your recent post, perhaps there was some bitterness when writing it. I understand, but people who don't know the story might pass another judgment on you. Everything bad someone says about us, its most likely true. And they're only saying one bad thing that they see, they have not seen our other bad deeds and attributes. Being defensive will only paint a less rosy picture of you. Give everyone a chance. If Rasulullah SAW did that with those who mistreated him SAW, who are we to defend whatever little good of ourselves?

alhamdulillah, I've thoroughly understood.

I went to Ustaz Zaki's class just now, and he told us something amazing:


"Tak akan manfaatnya madu jika ia berserta dengan sedikit racun dari Allah SWT."

An excerpt from the book, 'Penawar Bagi Hati' or 'Medicine for the Heart' written by Abdul Qadir Bin Abdul Muthalib Al-Indonesia Al-Mandali.

'Adapun kasih akan dipuji maka seprti mereka yang menerkam ia akan musuh banyak di dalm peperangan supaya dikatakan ia orang yg berani. Dan ubatnya barang yang telah terdahulu pada ubat bagi kasih akan kemegahan dan iaitu bahawa mengetahui ia akan bahawa puji itu kesempurnaan yang diwahamkan sahaja tiada ada kesempurnaan yang sebenar...

Adapun sebab riya' ialah, maka iaitu takut dicela manusia. Maka ubatnya bahawa menetepkan ia dalam hatinya akan bahawasanya cela mereka itu tiada memberi mudarat ia akan dia jika ada ia yang dipuji pada sisi Allah SWT. Dan menetapkan ia di dalam hatinya akan bahawasanya tiada mengerjakan ia akan riya' yang sebab bagi murka Allah SWT kerana takut akan cela makhluk yang tiada memberi mudharat. Dan memada akan dia oleh bawasanya manusia jika mengetahui mereka itu qasad riya' yang di dalam hatinya nescaya benci mereka itu akan dia.'

Inferring from here, since a person is condemn hell as quoted in the Hadis, "Ketinggian itu selendangku dan kebesaran itu kainku. Maka barangsiapa mencabut dan merebut ia akan daku akan satu daripada keduanya nescaya aku campakkan dia ke dalam api neraka Jahannam dan tiada aku peduli" - Muslim, Abu Daud dan Ibnu Majah, it shows that im bound to go to hell.

Oh Allah have mercy on me!

Ustaz did mention about the Mirror Therapy. He told us to buy a small mirror, and look in the mirror, and talk to urself, "Look at that guy, he has done so many sins in this world, he doesn't deserve Paradise."

I know I have done so many wrong things in my life. I accept all criticism on me with and open mind, and Insya'allah, may I find Allah's grace in His Masterplan. Forgive this inhuman dirtbag.

But do take note, that false accusations are also a wrong doing. So I plead to all, do get the facts right before making a statement. It is not good to fitnah a person without knowing exactly the intentions of that particular person.

I didn't accept her not because of what she is facing, I swear it. But I didn't accept her because, I am more imperfect than her. She deserve someone way better than me. And it seems that she do not share the same dreams as I do. Im sorry if my actions showed forms of hope. She did told me once not to put too much hope on her. And that was exactly what I did. But it turns out that she did put hope on me, the moment I left the arena to sit at the sidelines. So take it in an open manner dude. That it wasn't meant to be. Im sure she'd fine a better person than me. Right now, im facing difficulties in the love section, so it will take sometime for me to reenter such arena, someday.

I understand. Good friends are defensive over other friends well-being. But a true friend, in my opinion, instead of being protective, they try to help the person forget, and cheer them up, and leave it all to God. Tak baik masuk campur hal orang. Its between me and her, and im sure both of us can solve this matter in a more mature manner. So I seek apology from all of you out there, like my dad use to say, if it isn't meant to be, it isn't meant to be.

Jodoh di tangan Tuhan. Do not force it.

Last but not least, im really am sorry. I am a jerk, i really am. Karma is playing a toll on me now. But at least im paying the sins. Some just shrugged it off and continue. But I face it, with my most humble manner, to seek apology from all. May Allah guide us. Ameen.

PS: I am still pissed at you Harold. You left me behind for a woman. A woman can find anywhere dude, but a true friend who goes thru life with you is indispensable. You disappoint me. So much. So much so I actually ignored you throughout the whole journey. Forgive me if its cruel, but you really did knock me out cold.