wu yun zai wo men xin li ge xia yi kuai yin ying
Dark clouds cast a patch of shadow over our hearts
wo ling ting chen ji yi jiu de xin qing
I listen closely to the feelings that have long been silenced
qin xi tou ming
Distinct and transparent
jiu xiang mei li de feng jing
Just like a beautiful landscape
zong zai hui yi li cai kan de qing
That can only be clearly seen in one’s memories
bei shang tou de xin neng bu neng gou ji xu ai wo
Can a heart that’s been thoroughly wounded keep on loving me?
wo yong li qian qi mei wen du de shuang shou
I work hard to pull up a pair of warmth-less hands
guo wang wen rou
A gentleness that came and went
yi jing bei shi jian shang suo
Has already been locked by time
zhi sheng hui san bu qu de nan guo
All that’s left are grievances that cannot be waved apart
huan huan piao luo de feng ye xiang si nian
Longing is like a maple leaf, slowly drifting downwards
wo dian ran zhu guang wen nuan sui mo de qiu tian
I ignite a candle to warm this year-end’s autumn
ji guan lue duo tian bian
The aurora steals the horizon
bei feng lie guo xiang ni de rong yan
The north wind flits across, thinking of your appearance
wo ba ai xiang cheng le luo ye
I think of love as a falling leaf
que huan bu hui shu xi de na zhang lian
But I cannot trade back that familiar face
huan huan piao luo de feng ye xiang si nian
Longing is like a maple leaf, slowly drifting downwards
wei he wan hui yao gan zai dong tian lai zhi qian
Why does this retrieval have to happen before winter comes?
ai ni chuan yue shi jian
My love for you transcends time
liang hang lai zi qiu mo de yan lei
Two lines of tears that fell for the end of autumn
rang ai shen tou le di mian
Has let love completely permeate the surface of the earth
wo yao de zhi shi ni zai wo shen bian
The only thing I want is for you to be at my side
bei shang tou de xin neng bu neng gou ji xu ai wo
Can a heart that’s been thoroughly wounded keep on loving me?
wo yong li qian qi mei wen du de shuang shou
I work hard to pull up a pair of warmth-less hands
guo wang wen rou
A gentleness that came and went
yi jing bei shi jian shang suo
Has already been locked by time
zhi sheng hui san bu qu de nan guo
All that’s left are grievances that cannot be waved apart
zai shan yao piao yi de hong yu
That rain of red floating halfway down between the mountains
sui zhe bei feng diao ling
Is scattered with the north wind
wo qing qing yao ye feng ling
I gently sway the windchime
xiang huan xing bei yi qi de ai qing
Attempting to awaken an abandoned love
xue hua yi pu man le di
Snowflakes have already covered the ground
shen pa chuang wai feng ye yi ji cheng bing
Dreading that the maple leaves outside the window have turned to ice
This song is dedicated in loving memory of my dear Dian Farzanna. The first email we had as a couple. And like Faiza say, I have to let it all go. And so, I will take the first step now, to really face everything that I lost.
FYI, this email was typed when I was in Taiwan for a Brigade Exercise, for a month.
>From: "Muhammad Hazlami Zawawi"
>To: cerca_trova_farz@hotmail.com
>Subject: hello ayang!
>Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2007 11:55:52 +0800
>
>Abang here, typing in sum burn out place 15m away from heng choon camp
>gate. Alot of chinese here, even the internet is in chinese!! wth?!!? must
>use my ultra brains to navigate myself into the system haha. Clever eh..
>
>I found out that i got hooked up with this drink, i dunno its name its all
>written in mandarin, but its like this chocolate tea tarik drink and its
>superbly nice (n its the only thing that doesnt make me puke). Other than
>that, Im slacking my time off on bed playing psp, or playing soccer, go for
>runs, or basically, sleeping, reading and gossiping haha, guys are like a
>bunch of gurls, only rougher, when they got bunch up together haha.
>
>Its suppose to be lunch nw, but abg nt eating, scared already (i dun trust
>this NSmen cooks, for all u noe they spit in ur food and smoke while
>cooking, wiping their sweat off and beads of that yucky salt water just
>mixed in the rice bowl haha, im just exaggerating hehe)
>
>Ayang, don't be stressed up kae. Abg doing fine here, so don;t worry too
>much kae. I understand, u have been a very concerned and caring girlfriend
>i have ever had. (fyi, never have my other gf done this before like msging
>me to ask me whether im ok or not, they only want me to msg them, mcm babu
>haha). Youre the best honey!
>
>Ayang, i miss you so so so so so so somuch! Thinking of you day n night.
>Everytime i'll be like lookin at my hp whether u msg me or not, bt even if
>u do, i must control myself nt to msg u too often, its too exp dear, abg
>boleh pokai ah. NOt that abg dowan to msg u tau, i always wan to, but we
>exercise control together kae darling? Muacks!
>
>Abang lookin forward to RnR, and went we go to the big towns to relax, n
>shopping, i wanna get u sumting v special, must go in n out to find it
>hehe. Then went u fetch me, i can give it to u, n i hope you'll be very
>happy to see me when i come back. Ayang, i realli hope u come n fetch me,
>abg already tell momi n dadi dat they dunnit to fetch abg, abg can go home
>myself. Must make reason to see u ma hehe.
>
>Abang love u soooooo much farz. We be strong kae? We can do it, abg
>believe. If farz pon believe, we already pass the test coz we have set
>hopes together, where we work towards it hand in hand.
>
>Abg ingat nk plan, u fetch me, we walk ard the airport,
>just the two of us, go makan, take pic or sumting, spent some quiet time to
>catch up on each other.
>
>Ayang, i love you, i care for u, i think of you, i miss you, and ive fallen
>for you. And i never felt this way before, so in love, like i can fly...
>
>PS: I love u before, now, and forever...
>
>Yours sincerely..
>Sarjan Hazlami
>
>TOWARDS GREATER HEIGHTS!! AUWAH!!!
>
>hehe.. *hugs and big kiss!!*And this is what she replied. Haish.
Read ur mail n blog while im in class.. Now im at home.. Abg, u take good
care of urself.. U jus recovered frm sickness, ensure proper rest n eat
well.. Even if e food is not nice, buy a bread or sumthin to eat.. U need e
energy to survive there lest u wanna fall sick again..
N dont worie bout wad happen to me n kakak.. I see it as case closed n u
shall not do anything bout it.. Anyway, its not ur fault n there's nothing u
can do to it cause i wont let u do anythin bout it either.. If i had known,
i shouldnt haf told u bout wad happen.. initially i didnt wanna tell u cause
it will make u worie while ur there, u may thot i was havin one of my mood
swings dats why i behaved like dat.. yes, i was kinda upset dat u didnt
dream bout me n u talked bout parents instead.. i admit dats wrg for me to
say n i've been selfish.. but i loved u so much dat i want ur full attention
yet i knoe its unrealistic..
at times i too feel i loved u more than u do.. i too checked my hp endlessly
if there's any msges from u.. n my fingers itched to msg u jus to read ur
loving comfortin words.. u knoe i loved u, if not i wouldnt haf hold on till
dis far sayang.. im willin to sacrifice anythin for u.. but dats not e issue
here..
n yes, i dont wanna talk over e phone wif u.. why? first i wld hear ur
voice.. dat wld make me more emotional n fucked up.. second i was neva a
talk on e phone person.. third its kinda expensive, remember e bill is under
abg arif's name n he has been payin for mine n sis's bill.. n lastly if i
had talked to u over e phone it would be very difficult for me to leave u
wen im goin for london.. it will definitely shatter my heart..
abang, im sad things come to dis way.. u say i haf been a gd galfren to u..
u say e others r rejects .. im flattered but then i feel i haf dat im not
any better than them.. i made u wories endlessly, i've hurt u n made u upset
too.. to tell u e truth im contemplatin on goin to london.. lotsa stuffs
goin in my mind, unrealistic thinkin dat is.. im thinkin of wad could stop
me from goin to london cause of u abg.. im mentally n emotionally drained
day by day.. but u kept me goin.. i loved u so much dat i dont wanna leave
u.. u knoe how shitty i feel now abg.. i dont knoe why am i in dis situation.. why
is it so unfair to me..
abg, i seemed strong but im not.. i dont wanna go to london.. why? u n me
will be seperated for yrs.. n my sis n abg arif will also be seperated cause
she has to accompany me there.. they jus got closed.. is dis all worth it?
im financially stable as it is.. why not i jus settle dwn wif u.. i can
support myself.. u dont hafta worie bout me..
but then again.. its impossible.. my parents wouldnt agree to it.. its jus
me thinkin silly.. u knoe me.. hurhur.. well if i dont go, i knoe dat i'll
regret for e rest of my life.. u dont knoe e mental torture im goin thru day
by day wen dad keeps talkin to me bout goin over to london.... why abg? why
must dis happen nw....
u haf jus been to nice abg.. n i've fallen for u so deeply dat its
self-inflicts hurt back at me... ur my first bf.. e one i wanna settle dwn
wif..but everythin seems so fucked up nw.. i haf e feeling dat i
might go over to london before ur back sayang...
abang.... i knoe u'll cry readin dis.. but pls dont.. for my sake? i loved u
abang.. farz akan sentiasa sayangkan abang walaupun kita berpisah... i'll
keep on msgin u, emailin u, meet u in msn..
moving on, life has been kinda a roller coaster ride for me.. full of ups n
downs.. luckily i haf abg arif who has been by my side givin me warmth,
comfort n guidance.. i feel bad.. he has done so many things for me but i
feel i've done nthg for him.. he liked u very much n was happy to see dat i
got attached to sucha nice guy like u abg.. knoe sumthin? after sendin u
off, he walked home cause there's no buses left.. but he felt meetin u was
worth it.. n fyi abg, he n taufiq jus kinda lost a fren of 4 yrs of theirs..
he feels dwn.. nw wif taufiq there in taiwan he is damn alone.. but i told
him, thru me, he will gain a replacement.. which is u :) n thank god, kakak
is back wif me.. long has she been away from me..
well i missed u so much dear, every nite i keep thinkin bout u.. wonderin
wad ur doin there.. dat explains my notty msges to u dear.. =p haiz.. i'll
be strong.. u'll be strong too.. we'll survive this together.. i'll update u
if anythin kae sayang?..
love u lots
yours truly,
farzanna..
ps (appreciate abg talkin bout me in ur blog cause now.... UR OFFICIALLY MINE!)And so the journey continues..
rang ai shen tou le di mianHas let love completely permeate the surface of the earth
wo yao de zhi shi ni zai wo shen bian
The only thing I want is for you to be at my side
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