Masalah demi masalah (or, problems and more problems..)

Gue berada di dlm wdlands library ngah blaja ngan abg gue ngan matair dier, cey, cam bodyguard plak aku..

Aku teraser cam budak menyebok jager tepi kain org plak, tapi, asal abang aku tk kesah, aku pon cam malas nak beri komentar..

Semuer kengkawan2 di skolah dah dpt surat NS dorang.
Sipot betol lar. Biler seh aku nyer turn?

Aku harap2 masok Civil Defence atau Police, takmo Army lah, mcm sipot je, asek kene tekan.
(Mizan dpt aper agaknyer eh? Boy scout eh? hahaha)

Kasihan aku kepada kengkawan2 poly aku yg tersyg. Haha. AKu masok dulu, nanti kalo ader naseb, aku jadik Officer, korang semuer kenelah padahnyer haha.

Maseh byk yg perlu aku blaja demi mengharungi exam yg aku raser begitu susah sekali. Tk penah aku amek exam sesusah cam nie, asek kene blaja je, sampai aku pat toilet pon ngah hafal concept2. (dah tak nyanyi dlm toilet ah)

Bad news: Aku gadoh lagik ngan si pompuan ciner tu. Dahlah asek bangun lambat, abeh asek question aku je. Ko tau tak, asek kene report je maner aku pegi, sampai kalo aku tak jawab msg dier, dier call rumah aku, tk sedap plak tu pasal kekadang MAK aku angkat.. ceh.

Bukan aku tk suker dier, aku cumer teraser cam terkongkong gitu, so beginilah rasernyer. Tapi, aku tkkan basted dier, dier budak baik dan ader reason disebalik knaper dier cenggitu ngan aku. Pasal tu aku ngah tunggu dier basted aku, baru orait. Bleh buat alasan kan? Tapi, Hazlami budak baik lar, tak buat cenggini. Aku budak yg taat setia. So, aku serahkan pada Tuhan, dan waktu yg ader.

Good news: Kengkawan Hongkah Pri Sch aku yg dah lamer aku tak nampak nak buat perjumpaan buka posa rame-rame. Hapi sae aku, dah lamer tk nmpk bebudak tu yg dah ceriakan hidop aku dlm zaman kanak-kanak aku.

Ader lagik, class aku dah organize chalet pat Pasir Ris situ, dua tingkat beb, abeh 3 hari, 2 malam lagik. Bonos! Puas gue main2 nanti, hehehehehe( evil-evil)

Ader lagik, jgn bilang saper saper tau, lagi2 yg tk paham bahaser melayu. Ahem.

Aku berjaya keluar ngan HAIRDRESSER aku haha. Skill tak aku? Padahal umor dier cam meningkat 21 tahun depan. Aku? Setakat 18tahun mentah. Budak tu interesting beb, dahlar rambot dier stail habes habesan, dier janji ngan aku nak buat rambot aku cam Tom Cruise, haha, merepek lah.

Tapi aku tak main2 ngan sape2 har, jgn ader pekeran negatif.

AKU HANYA NAK EXPAND SOCIAL CIRCLE aku, so, kalo aper2, ader backup, cam carik keje ke, ape ke, kan senang..

Haha, selagi bertemu di angin lalu..

Hasta prontos.

(still thinking of you..)

Obviously, its always when the end comes, people start appreciating your work, your love and sacrifices.

Too bad, im just too frustrated to think of that.

Anyways, my old folks came ta my crib last Sunday! I was damn happy to see them all well and walking about. Had lots of talking with them, especially my grandad, whom I much closer with, and to whom he can always relate to. For ur info, im the closest 'cucu' to my grandad, u c. So yupz, had a great time with them.

Monday was a total waste, i didnt had much things to mug, cuz whenever immat home, there's always the distraction. Even so, i had this great pain in the head, and i woke up feeling lyk shit, as though i had a hangover. It was a total suck time.

Im blogging in this computer room at sch. Gotta GP mock exam, and actually, we are supposed to come for the Principal's Farewell Assembly, but ader tiga budak melayu nie tk pegi langsung. Buat bodoh sua. Haha.

Oh, this guy by the name of WILLIAM from FRIENDSTER, who msged my fren who has dreams to be a RSAF pilot. Gear up Muslim frens, cuz here is an another bugger who shoots not just racial remarks, but religious one as well.


He said something bout....MUSLIM TERRORIST.. and .....FUCK OFF... and...BOMB...

Well, as a muslim to an INFIDEL like you, tell you wad, you are an RSAF OFFICER, and YOU are NOT a role model towards the rest of the crew.

People like you should be in the hijacked plane or the twin towers and died, bcuz you know why?

Cuz people like you are the CAUSE of unneccassary scrutiny, and the conflicts around the globe, let it be the USA against the Muslims (which is evidently true, as seen from their stand against Muslim terrorist, see the word "MUSLIM")

And perhaps you need to see the reason why people like you shud go to hellm with the rest of the people who discriminates other people.

Sori dude, im not a racist, but a peace lover, and arrogant lil assholes like you threaten the sovereignity of the world.

Fat hope buggers, and to the rest of USA BUSH Administration.

And for ur info, it is the West that labelled these terrorist MUSLIMS, and the Palestinian people MwILITANTS.., where tamil tigers are called FIGHTERS, and Abu sayyaf REBELS, and Palestinians MILITANTS.. WAD THE FUCK??? (forgive me God, i am sinned)

Wanna add another phrase..

ATHEIST NON-BELIEVING ZIONIST PIGS..

Hasta pronto.

Tunjukkanlah aku satu bintang..

Lagu nie best sae.. Dari Sheila On 7, salah satu lagu feveret gue..

Aku nk jgk suroh aku nyer band main lagu nie, sedap siot..

Anyways, aku berada di dlm Woodland Library, pakai com dorang, entah camaner aku leh ingat balek password aku yg dah lamer aku luper. Haha.

Tadi kanchong cam nak mati, sampai dlm kul 9.30am, itupon ader org lebih kanchong darik aku, naseb baek aku dpt cop satu tempat. Byk org yg aku nmpk dulu. Haha. Yg dahulu aku kemudiankan jelah.

Jap agi aku kene jumpe abg aku. Dier kater nk blanja aku. Baguslah kalo begitu.

I got a few more topics to touch before i end my revision, then off to practise papers.
TYS dah cam bible aku.

Last Friday was a very nostalgic moment in my life. Its always the end of time when ppl start appreaciating others, when ppl start asking for forgiveness or etc. I was in near tears when Ms Sabariah cried in front of the class. But luckily, i cud control the storm in me. All the memories i spent in Anderson JC for the past 2 years came rushing like a pack of hungry dogs. We took pictures, and i eventually hadta be among the camwhores. My fans took their last pics of me, and off i went to Al Khair Mosque. Instead of taking a bus home, i walked. I nt sure why i did dat, but this song dat u guys are hearing was on my mp3 back then, and i suddenly did wad i did.

Coba kau tunjuk satu bintang..
Sbagai pedoman langkah kita..


Akanku ukir, satu kisah cinta kita
Dimana baik dan buruk, terangkum oleh indah
Akanku cerna semua karya cinta kita
dimana hitam dan putih terbalut hangat nya cinta..


Wish that it wud be as before. Where i wud write "karya's" of poems to you, and it really felt great, cuz i got to express my feelings. Now? All i got was a few poems of the world, about life ard me. Does that make me a changed person?

But yes, i shall cerna and ukir all the little things we had together, and perhaps, i shall make a poem of us. About how it all happen. A story begins, a story ends, like a chapter of a book. But i shall not end that poem, but, shall left it hanging, and perhaps, let time tell and people know hoe much i miss you and love you..

Always,
Hazlami.

3 more weeks to A'levels..

Tmr our graduation assembly..

Today gotto sing a bdae song to this unknown fan of mine in sch..

More hrs of studying to go..

My patient running thin..

My head spinning slim..

My thoughts amoking like mobbers back in late 60s..

My eyes weary from such long nights and days spent on reading and writing..

My eyes teary from daily prayers and tarawehs dat kept me 'alive' and closer to God..

My hands tired and my back hurts like a pile of cow droppings on my lean shoulder..

My ears tired of hearing mp3 songs bout dirty songs, gurls that are too beautiful to be kept alive and shit..

blargh!

I feel horrible. Its always this stupid cycle of guilt and disgust. When can it ever end?

Im really sori that i cannot accept you. Im a bad person. I break people's hearts. And people break my heart. Makes me a heartless person. That's why im into sufism. A path of solitudeness, where i can find back my lost self.

Yes and no, i lost my confidence. Not that i lost confidence in you, but i lost faith in the type of commitment i give to people, and how my weakness which is the tendency to get distracted by other problems and insecure easily gets the better of me, making the situation a very ideal way of saying, GO TO HELL YOU EVIL BASTARD. (Astaghfirullah, i said a bad word)

Thats me. Yes, i can be myself, sometimes im not myself. But no one, i mean it, NO ONE would ever really understand the complex matter of me. Im too complex to even think.

Last but not least, you already know that my heart is with someone else, and i would do what it takes to reopen the wound and never let it heal. I hide my sorrow by smiling, and by praising God and the Prophet, by going to maulids and majlis zikirullah, by making friends and not just enjoying life, but understand life itself.

Try and understand my philosophy, my principles in life. I beg you.

Im too much for a person to bear. Im too much. You can say whatever it is that potrays the good side of me, but still, I am what you say i am, if i wasn't, than why would i say i am, in the news, the papers everyday i am.

I dunno, its just the way i am. Too bad, so sad. Life must go on.

And yes, you'll be among the 70 people i would save from hell fire, with my amalan versing surah Ikhlas everday(according to Kitab Riyadus Salikin). My parents, my loved one, my family, and my friends.

That is the only thing that is in my mind ryt now.

Rabbana Atina Fiddunia Hasanah, wafirg akhirati hasanah, wakina a'zabannar!

Oh Allah, give us safety here and hereafter, and save us from hellfire.

Amin.

Saving the people i love from hellfire is the main goal im after. We are all part of the same source. So, tell me, what is more important than this? Love? Love to God, dat is.

Wsslm.

I read noni's blog. So sad. Hey gurl, im a person of forgiveness. I already forgot wad happen btwn us, like how i forgot the thing btwn nad and me.

Jgn plak berkata anda kan pergi.

You want a new song? I got a new song to sing for you.

I shall give you a call soon. If God izins.

Ta.

Pengorbanan

Topic yg aku nk discuss pader hari nik ialah, PENGORBANAN.

Seperti kekata omputih, "How far would you go to reach what you want"

Selalunyer dorang reply, "As far as i can possibly reach."

Kekata hanya tinggal kekata. Hilang dlm ingatan, hilang dlm hembusan.

Kalo kornag tanyer aku, susah aku nk jawab. Dah byk aku korbankan. Tapi nmpk tk berhasil. Mungkin ini adalah sesuatu yg patut aku lihat. Aku berkorban kerana manusia, tk dgn tuhan. Mcm mana nk dpt keredhaan?

Dlm bulan ramadhan nie, aku terasa syahdu setiap masa aku dudok bersama keluarga nak buka puasa. Entak kenapa. Setiap hari aku zikir, Allah huma innaka affu'un tuhibbul afwa fafu'an na. Adakah Tuhan sudah mengampuni dosaku yg berhimpun cam gunung everest? Pikir balik boleh nangis. Tapi aku pegang pada kata Quran, Allah bersama mereka yg bersabar. Bersama. Itu perkataan yg membangkitkan rasa secure atau rasa selamat. Itulah yg dimaksudkan oleh ayat itu.

Tk pernah Allah meninngalkan kita begtu saja, lihat sajer makanan dan minuman kita ada. Tapi, kita yg sering lupa dan lalai. Tapi, Tuhan suka mereka yg mencuba. Yg berkorban. Bukan mcm meletopkan badan pat org sampai namer Islam tercemarlar, tapi berusaha menggubah, jihad melawan nafsu dlm diri sendiri. Aku dulu suka kutok org. Skrg, aku dah kurang lar. Smoga tak bangkit tabiat burok aku tu.

Pengorbanan. Sebenarnya byk aku nk ckp. Aku samapai dah tulis kitab mengenai Islam dlm sudut sufi. Aku harap buku tu dpt beri sedikit sebanyak pendalaman dlm pemikiran seorang sufi.

Kalo kornag nak tau, org sufi tk pikir pon bende2 alah mcm terrorisme nie semuer. APe yg ade dlm otak dorang dgn sentiasa ialah, kalimah ALLAH, dan perkataan HU, yakni Dia.

InsyaAllah, aku akan share sikitlah isi buku tu. Aku nk tukar blog skin aku, jadi yg mcm tempat org tuntut ilmu, cam intstitute Hazlami gitulah.

Fasal, blog nie bukan saja digunakan utk kongsi kehidupan dan emosi, tapi PENGALAMAN. Aku nk kongsi pengalaman dan perspektif aku tentang issu yg tk byk org pikir kan.

Issue kehidupan. Life. Hakikat hidup. Makrifah. Ilmu. Sifat. Nur. Semua faktor2 ini akan membawa kita pada jalan yg satu.

Ikhdinassira talmustaqqin. Jalan yg benar. Jalan pada yg Satu.

ALLAHUTA'LLA.