I think she does not understood the power of a voice.. Perhaps im a vocalist.. She would be gone for months, years.. N i feel broken again..

Whats happening to me.. I feel so numb.. Smiling means nothing but a facial concortion of wad is known as human body language. Laughing is nothing but gases of air pumped out from my lungs.

Perhaps i cannot swallow the cold truth that i wun be seeing her for a v long time.. I never have long distance relationship before..

Msging wun be enough.. Thats for sure.. I remember when i was in taiwan, n i cudnt msg her, i went thru 2-3mountains just to give her a voice msg on the phone to say that im fine and all.. N i walked 14km just to find a phonecard for me to use to make such voice msges..

The power of a voice is by far unimaginable to me.. A singer who sings a poem with the right rythmn wud touch ppl hearts more than a poet who recites them..

I called my mum after a long week of pure ops, n when i hear her voice, after so many days of not calling her, i missed her so much.. and it made me stronger.. n her advices became more than just a msg, it became words of love n comfort for me.. N thru that phonecall, i hear the sincerity of a mother's love to her son.. N when i reached home tonite, i hugged her so tite it took her 2 mins to endure my bear hug haha..

Perhaps u wud never noe the power of voice.. Face it hazlami.. Face the facts.. Dun be weak..

*wanna go to sleep.. in my warm cozy bed i call my own 'walls of heaven' where i find the most safest, most heaven-like place on earth.. where in the dark my heart beats light that gave me the warmth, n in the dark i seek shelter frm the cruel natures of life.. n i wanna dream, of meadows.. vast meadows.. with lots of flowers of many colours.. the gentle breeze.. the warm sun.. not too hot, n not too cold.. the birds chirping notes of lament beauty.. no mozzies.. n there, beside the meadows, is a small cottage, with a small garden of flowers that i grew. in the house there'll be a couch with a thick blanket infront of the fireplace.. my room up on the 2nd floor.. where the sides of the room have long windows.. n the roof has a curtain where when i pull it open, it reveals a window where i can see the sky.. n there i'll lay on bed, seeing the many stars that shine on me, n in the morn i cud see the sunrise to my left.. n the sunsets to my right.. *

beautiful slumber....

This blog entry is put up in response to those have yet to understand the love that me and Haz had for each other..

Yesterday, i was in the msn chattin while checkin my mails and stuffs when suddenly a guy "fren" of mine from msn get into a convo with me.. Apparently, news had spread bout me gettin attached and he soon begin questionnin me stuffs bout me n haz.. I didnt realie told him much since i view such stuffs as personal n private.. Same as in which my dad would told me to mind my own biz when im tryin to be kaypoh.. If i could quote daddy in his baritone voice, he'd bark as if i was his soldier... Hurhur!..

"RESTRICTED! STAFF IN CONFIDENCE!"

Coming back to dis issue of mine.. Dat guy then began condemnin n said stuffs which hurts me as i was readin.. Well.. simply said.. He might have liked me before.. He might have tried to court me.. He might have tried all sort of means to get me.. However u failed in ur quest.. Im not tryin to be a bitch here.. Im not a casanova, im not dat pretty.. There are other gals whose beauty surpassed me.. N for your info, i was hurt by u guys! Jus like u!.. I was hurt so bad that my past hurts and it still haunts me.. It was a trying period for me to get back on my two feet.. Luckily, my bro was around givin me all e encouragement n support i need to be the farzanna who i am.. Now, let me get this straight.. Hazlami won my heart fair and square.. With no sort of advantages given to him.. U could ask him that.. He tried his best.. I could feel his sincerity and his love.. And according to him, he now have sumthin which the rest dont.. The appreciation ofmany beauty of life, like love... So then.. The question remains..

Wad right do u have to say such hurtful words, not onlie to me but also to my haz?!

Look, u may have been tryin to get me but sorie u didnt make it.. I may sound mean but dats life.. U curse me? My love with him? Fine.. I'll keep quiet and not join this childish-swearing boo hoo game of urs.. Ur not even a gentleman to accept defeat.. Have u got no balls in doing so?

Let me get this straight and may it be etched in those mind who wished me or us ill.. Im not like many other gals out there which can be bought with materialistic riches.. Even if im so poor that u guys out there asked for my love just for a handful of rice, i'd rather die hungry.. This is the Farzanna whom i am.. I know wad loyalty n true love means.. I have my own principles in life and these are part of them.. N i shall stand by my principles, by my ground, till my last breathe.. In my heart, ther's room for 5.. The Almighty God, his Honourable Prophets, my family, loved ones.. And lastly Hazlami, who is occupying the most space in me.. Peace out bugger!

RUMIE DAN JULI

Rumie dan Julie.. Dua remaja saling bercinta.. Berjanji sehidup semati.. Bersumpah setia..

Kekal abadi oh.. Rumie dan Julie.. Lambang cinta yang suci dan murni.. Kasih sayangmu kekal abadi..

Hingga akhir nanti Oh... Rumie dan Julie.. Keabadian cintamu.. Menjadi lambang setia..

Saling cinta menyintai.. Antara sesama oh.. Oh.. Rumie dan Julie.. Lambang cinta yang luhur dan suci.. Tetap dikenang hingga kini.. Oh cinta.. Rumie dan Julie..

Muacks.. I love u sayang.. Take care..

Farz loves Haz on Tuesday... 220507...

Got sick today.. Down with my bouts of migraine flu n fever.. Damn it.. Hate being sick.. N there's no one to take care of me.. Didnt realie eat anythin for the past few days.. Had no appetite at all.. Unless u see my two bars of snickers as food of course.. Think dats all i ate for the past two days.. My hubby haz asked me to ate at least a bread.. N if he was here wif me, he would had force me to ate bread with him.. Sweet... Muacks.. Sayang abang.. But honey, dats not a good idea.. I'll vomit.. I knoe myself when im sick sayang.. Just missed u so much dear.. Wish ur hear wimme.. N for the fact that he's havin his 12 hrs duty in which our communication has to be minimalised since he's on duty.. Im beginning to miss my hubby more.. N there's no one home.. Been alone all day..

My family went to our private ranch for a day or two.. Takin a look at our horses, makin sure that the money my parents invested bear fruits.. Didnt wanna followthem, gotta take a 2hr long drive to our ranch.. Preferred to stay at home.. Well, it runs in e family.. All of us are avid horse lovers.. We love riding and i myself have two horses.. Perhaps one day, i'll teach haz how to ride one.. Hmmm... I'll make e horse run so fast dat he'll cry for me.. Hurhurhur!

Haiz.. Pity my hubby.. His back hurts.. Been complaining, i'll massage it if im wif u dear.. Serious.. U served ur duty well, standin for hours.. Must've been tiring.. Muacks *hugs*..

I'll send over the stuffs over to u okae? Hope u like it dear.. Jus a few stuffs i bought for u when i was shoppin.. Was thinkin bout you.. So, ya.. Bought some stuffs.. Specially for my dear sweet darling haz..

*Lookin forward to ur next day off sayang..* Muacks!

Farz loves Haz on Monday... 210507...
(contactable at cerca_trova_farz@hotmail.com)

Ops Bacinet - Protectors of Singapore, Silent and Deadly

Haha.. Its been a while since I've blogged.. Been busy man, got ops to do.. Real ops haha, get it u freaks at bmtc? Im in ops! Life rounds! haha.. So u better show respect to guys from the active unit that is really protecting your ass.. And ya, the country's economic interest.

Jurong Island- A land of opportunities for many investors. The air is filled with thick chlorinated gas and carbon dioxide waste. But still, the men of 4SIR never gave up, we pillowed thru the bitterness of this intoxicated land of petrol and chemical waste full of pride as protectors of Singapore..

Pilled up gentlemen! Lets go, I say to my men, as they went to draw their wives out and the thing dat keeps the terrorist out.. Live rounds..

Lock and load. Keep sharp gentlemen. Where's your posture Andrew? Shag ah? Lampa lah. I make you stand more then you noe. Dats how i usually say to my men. Gota keep the posture there. Fingers outside the trigger. Hands buckle. Stand straight, no standing on one leg. Keep your face cool calm and dangerous. Shades, wear them. Show your force. Your power..

My men and I were tested again, dis time the lab rats of the company, going in first, and taking the toughest sector in the whole ops, the imigration sector. Many people, bangla, thai, spore, china workers clustered together and make noise when they went up the bus to work in the island. The air is filled with carbon monoxide, carbon, smoke, sweat.. It was tough. Cameras were everywhere. We have to stand straight for hours. Shifts. I made schedules for them. But i have to sacrifice. Cudnt sit for 8 hrs straight. Standing and walking and reassuring my men n pushing them to show force and not yield. It was the toughest i felt. When it ended, it was satisfying. After my shift, the rest of the men from my company got better welfare with an extra 2 men. 7 v/s 9 men including me is alot you know.

My back hurts. My shoulders are aching from the weight of our sbo. But i still find it cool haha. Shades, pda, comms set, weapon, LIVE ROUNDS..

Anytime there is aggression, the rules of engagement is applied. Cock it, stop or i'll shoot!

Haha.. Din Dang Danger Dangerous!



PS: Penat sey ayg, dah kat saner penat, balik pon penat hehehe *thinkin*, but i like...

Miss you.. Come back to SINGAPORE!!! I'll PROTECT YOU!! HAHA!

And thanxs farz honey, for the stuffs u bought.. byk sgt.. hehehe..

The fallen of 3SG Isz Sazli- a soldier, a loyal son, a trusted friend, an honourable man

I am in mourn for the death of my best buddy in college, Isz Sazli. When i heard the news, I didn't know it was him till i heard it from my brother. I just msged him like 2 weeks ago saying good luck n prayers since he was going off to taiwan, and i just came back from it. N now, i cannot msg him anymore. It hurts if i think about it. Somehow, when i saw the sand falling on his remains in his grave brought back many memories of us.. Like a falling time capsule that turns out to be poison that killed me slowly..

Isz Sazli was the first friend i made when i first step into Anderson Junior College. Like a loyal and friendly buddy, it was like love at first sight as friends. I remember it as clear as the waters flowing from the alps. It was friday. He asked me, hey there, are u goin to the mosque?

I said, yeah. U coming with me? Wads ur name buddy?

He said, My name is Isz Sazli.

At first, i thot, hey, dis guy got sum problems with his 's' pronounciation, haha. But i shrugged it off that thought. I asked him again,

"Isz Sazali?"

No! He insisted. Its Isz Sazli. Till then, everytime people speak his wrong name, he will put his foot down and say, its sazli, not sazali.

Thats him.

His a guy with never a shrouding face. Always bright n sunny. Smiles everywhere. I remember buddy, you helped me when I liked you classmate, aishah. And u helped me. I still got the small cat tag that aish wanted me to have n asked u to give it to me. Its in my hands now. Haish..

N when aish left, n when i thot my life was crashing down on me, I remember buddy, ur the only friend who put ur warm big arms around me with full of sincerity, n said, "Its ok haz. Let it go. She'll realise one day that its not worth it leaving u like this. Coz she is leaving the best guy i have ever met"

Haish. I asked him to accompany me to join the kompang team, n there, we enjoyed as much as we can. He helped out when my uncle got married. Ramlie, Haikal n my bro never stopped bullying him. Still remember that nick burg video yeah buddy? But he liked it. Cuz we are his friends. N even thou they like to beat him, from a far, i see hime smiling happy, because we are his friends in college.

When we turned jc2, n my bro's batch left, he felt alone. The other malay people didnt like talk to him that much. I remember a friend of mine loved to taunt and teased him bout his ways n his words.. He didnt show up during his funeral, bless that guy, cuz i dunno whether he already asked for forgiveness. He stayed on wimme. He supported me incredibly, lining up the student council to favour me during the AJ IDOL 2005, he was wiv the crowd enjoying the music. N after the competition, he came up to me, smiling, and said, "Good job haz!"

Haish. The last time i saw him was during BMT. He wanted to be an officer, as a regular. The thing that make me feel guilty was the fact that i discourage him, i told him not to, just be a specialist, more rewarding.. Haish..

Things would be much simpler if he hadnt been to taiwan. You cud have reported sick or sumting buddy! But y?! Y did you go.... I leave your family, your fav lil sister whom u always say u wanna protect her? Leaving me?

On the Friday, 11th May 2007, I, Hazlami, lost a very good friend. My best buddy. In the field of duty.

Do u remember buddy, when you told me, i wish i cud be like you haz. People respect u, loved u. Nobody liked me. Even Zoey (his crush).

Now, Isz, u have the whole nation mourn for you. A death so honourable that many would die for.

Thank you for all the things. Thank you for all the help. Thank you. Buddy.

:(

Has been some days since myself or my darling haz has blogged..

Well, Haz is in mournin for the lost of his buddy 3SG Isz Sazli (May God Have Mercy On Him) who was killed in Taiwan due to a crashed fighter plane mishap. Both of them were buddies while in college..

It was such an irony.. Gotta know this news first hand from my bro in the morn who is with the SAF Medical Corps.. When i msged him askin him, How haf u been? N wad r u doin? My bro replied he was feelin sad.. Told me a servicemen died in Taiwan, he was his schoolmate in Broadrick Secondary School.. (refers to the aruah)

He was doin some emergency overseas screening for some SAF doctors who was activated to go to Taiwan to be on site there.. How sad was dat sia.. I wouldnt be able to take it seh knowing ur fren died n ur clearing servicemen to be flown there immediately.. Felt sad that such a tragedy has happen..

In the evening, msged Haz that this incident took place.. The mishap thing.. He didnt know that it was his college buddy.. When he found out, he was so so sad... Neva saw him this sad before.. Haiz.. Deja vu.... Now both him n my bro is in mourning...

However, let us not forget that as a soldier, a national servicemen, 3SG Isz Sazli was discharging his sacred duty of service to the country.. My dad, a retired Lieutenant Colonel, told me that it is the highest honour for a soldier to die.. To die for his beloved country that all soldier swore to fight and defend irregardless in time of peace or in war.. He too told me that when he was in service, eventho he was sad doin military exercises overseas, at times months, nearly years.. He too felt down and misses us at home.. But then he knew that as a soldier and as an officer, the country comes first.. By protecting, defending and fighting the country, they are protecting their loved ones at home..

The conversation i had wif dad was enriching but then, i told him,

"Ayah, if u had died the death that way, i dont think all of us would be able to take it.. I mean its easier said than done.."

Then dad replied..

"If that happens.. Then farz, kakak n mama should be proud of ayah.. Cause ayah died for the country.. Im a hero to the country.. Ayah mati syahid.. As promised by God, i will have a place in heaven where i'll pray for all of you to come and join ayah there.."

Tears welled up in my eyes when dad said that.. I couldnt imagine the sadness of the aruah's family.. All i could say is that.. My deepest condolences is wif them..

3SG Isz Sazli..

al-fatihah...

For his honourable death, i placed here a bugle music piece "The Last Post". It is a bugle call used im military funerals and in ceremonies commemorating those who have fallen in war. One that is beffiting to the sacrifice of 3SG Isz Sazli...

://www.lastpost.be/mp3_lastpost.html

** Last Post was originally a bugle call used in British Army camps to signal the end of the day. The name derives from the practice of inspecting all the sentry posts around such a camp at the end of the day, and playing a bugle call at each of them. The "last post" was thus the last point of this inspection, and the bugle call signalling that this post had been inspected marked the end of the military day. It is alo a calling for soldier to "go home" to their barracks...

To Haz- Was tryin to blog sum stuffs today, but suddenly not in e mood after seeing sumthin.. I'll blog tomorrow.. Farzanna.. Ciaoz..

Well, wad happen durin e week? Hmm.. well, past monday which is about two days ago somethin did happen.. Everythin was fine till in e evening.. Haz was feelin down wif his ippt 2.4km timing.. N i sensed sumthin wrong wif him.. His way of msgin was different.. When i enquired, i too kinda say e wrong thing dat make him upset further.. If im not mistaken his timing was 9m 45sec? 9m 46sec? Well i told him,

"Dats not too bad.. But ayang can run faster than u! Hurhur!"

That reply kinda upset him.. He asked to be alone n was cold to me.. Was damn hurt n angry cause he didnt tell me wad was he feelin down about.. Nevertheless, i acceeded to his request.. Gave him time off.. Next day, when he gave me his usual mornin msg, i didnt reply.. My turn to merajuk.. then we had a good talk over it.. Tried to console my darling here, givin my warmth n comfort.. Alas, he feels better now.. My sweet haz is back wimme.. Hurhur. Now, i cant wait for weekends to come for us to have our own private moments together!..

Muacks.. Sayaang u..

ps: i wont let ur past recurr again dear.. realie.. love u lots..

Farz loves Haz on Wednesday, 090507...

Well, erm.. How should i put it? Im haz's gal.. Told him to do a new blog for us but he suggested sharin his blog instead.. God i feel weird doin dis but he'll like it la.. Tsk3..

So yea, for starters, my name is farzanna n i gotta knoe haz from a fren of my bro.. Both of em are apparently in the same camp, had a hunch dat both of em and their mates were busy sharin gals's contact n i was one of e poor victims.. NS so free yea?! Shud gif all of u extra duties.... Imagine dis yea? N how would u react?

"Heyz.. do you mind me intro u to a fren of mine?"-taufiq
"Huh? Ur fren? Who"-farz
"My NS buddy.. Can? If u mind, then i dont give.."-taufiq

At dis point of time, my mind was like WTH.. I didnt reply my fren's msg then and if my memory proves me rite, he asked me e same quest a day or two later..

"Eh, how? Can i intro u to my fren? If u dont like too, then i wont.."-taufiq
"Why? Has he been buggin u?"-farz
"No la, dat time u didnt reply.. He asked me again today.."-taufiq
"Sure, go ahead.. Get it over and done wif..."-farz

U might haf sense my cold answer, was a bit pissed off actualie.. Like who's dis guy sia.. Jus wen i finished my iwn own private thots, came dis msg from haz.. He ranted in malay which i dont realie quite understand since i neva learned malay b4.. But luckily, i picked up bahasa indonesia which i learned from my indo frens wen i was in United World College.. (Oi! Gue rindu bangat sama lu!!) So i catch a bit here n there.. He send me a sajak or wadeva talkin bout the moon, heart, soul, frens n wad haf u.. I was like Oh! Oh! Danger! He's a mat?? Hurhur..

"Erm, sorie i dont understand wad ur tryin to say.. I dont understand malay.."-farz

Hurhur.. needless to say, his luring method failed him.. His buddy didnt forewarned him on my lack in proficiency for malay language.. Kwang Kwang Kwang!! Hurhur.. As days goes by, he msged me often.. A bit irritatin at times but, he was sweet n caring, e msges became more frequent too.. Tested his patience a few times n he tried to remain cool but i saw thru him.. Wen he tried to do e same, he couldnt.. I always won dis "match".. Hurhurhur..

Well, seconds became days.. Days became weeks n then months.. Soon, we were edging closer n closer.. Our msges became more smitten n private.. Words such as "honey, darling, dear, sayang, abang" were in used.. N all of a sudden we're attached.. He didnt realie pop out the Q, perhaps its incognito? The feelings were jus comfy enuf to be brought up to e next higher level.. N e few remaining days b4 taiwan, i knew dat i realie love dis guy.. N so does he.. Taiwan was realie a testing point for us..

1) Had frequent quarrels n misunderstandings..
2)Had some probs wif his former u knoe who....
3) Didnt get to msg often..
4) Faced some probs back at home wif my dance partner.. Haz's upset he couldnt do anythin..
5) Haz had to be away for some exercise
6) Haz lost his hp.. Contacts decline.. (FRUST)
7) Used his fren's mobile to msg me.. Can u imagine dat he used bout 3 or 4 ppl's mobile to msg me? How e hell sia i knoe which one he's wif or to msg at? (Grr!)
8) Lastly.... I hafta leave S'pore for Australia n soon London..
9) Our plans of wad we'ld do wen he got back home was dashed....
10) Haz was sad, Farz was sad.. *sob sob* Haiz...

So yea.. im in australia now.. Puttin up wif my relative's house wif my family.. Missed him lots n lots..

N yet again, he was bothered by sum "OUTSTANDING" issues which greatly affected me.. Was so bothered by it dat i decided to go for a run at 3am-4am in the morn.. I asked my sis who was wif me to accompany me.. As soon as i changed to my runnin attire, i jus ran out of e house as fast as i could without waitin for my sis.. Tryin to run as hard as i can to release my emotional self dat couldnt take it any longer.. My sis senses dat somethins not rite brought e dog along n trailed behind.. I heard e dog running close n catches up wif my pace till it stops n yelped loud barks at me when a rattling noise became more audible.. Thot it was a cricket or somethin so i didnt gave heed.. All of a sudden i saw somethin sprang up, n i felt a sharp pain at my leg.. I was bitten by a rattlesnake n was unconscious for e next few hours.. Wen i woke up, i was in hosp.. Was havin a high fever, difficulty in breathin n my leg became blue in colour.. All i could say was "Nak ayah"..

Nearly lost my leg.. How horrible... N nearly broke off wif haz.. Luckily we pulled thru... He felt guilty, so am i.. Well, currently we're still goin strong wif my darling haz.. Hurhur..

Till next time...

ps: Muacks.. I love you sayang.. *Long hugz n sweet kisses*
And oh ya! Lucinda! U bitch! U won e FHM GALS NEXT DOOR?!! Hurhur! I couldnt join sia.. Dis guy wont let me.. Enjoy the glory while it lasts yea!..

Farz loves Haz on Sunday, may 06, 2007....