John Lennon and Yoko Ono's interview strikes me deep about the term liberalism, freedom, unification, goodwill, and human's decision-making mechanism.
This one is more cool.
As an artist he viewed the world in abstract. And he emphasized on how important it is to change our perception not like how 'the Maoist did.. why do you need to stand in front of a policeman with a red communist flag and go bla bla bla like tt.. need to attack in a way the establishment cannot understand in order for them not to kill it.'
True. Very true. He recognized the power of ideas among normal people and so he pushed his ideas into music to stir not propaganda like how the Malaysians did, but to make the people think hard and reflect and thus create a new revolution of people with a common mindset that comes not from leaders but from themselves. That was his state of euthopia.
And to think tt actually drug addicts are drug addicts because they live in fear. Fear truly underminds the way people act and react. And everything tt we do is actually based on fear. Even in Islam, the foundation we stand upon is fear. Fear of God. Fear of His limitless Power. So he actually tries to advocate on how actually 'a state of numbness' can overcome that fear and bring about love. That state of numbness can be applied to Islam in an extent. We live in fear, fear of God's wraith, fear of God's Power and Mercy, and so we pray. When we pray, by focusing on One God, everything disappears, everything crumbles and perish, for we stand upon the word 'There is no other god but Allah' and so to say all perish under His Might. And thus we reach a state of numbness- a space of nothingness but only Allah exist.
Even in life we do things in fear. We search for companionship with women because we fear of insecurity and lonliness. We eat because we fear of being hungry. We run because we fear of getting obese. We go out to meet friends and enjoy because we fear of losing the ones we love. Unconsciously, we succumb ourselves to fear. And so John Lennon encourage us to not live in fear. Im not saying you guys and girls need to take drugs. Haha. But what im saying is that to not live in fear is the key to love. Love is what the world needs right now.
Look at the Palestinians. They constantly live in fear. Look at the Israel. They themselves are in fear. Fear of living in another episode of genocide.
John Lennon.
Gosh I want those specs!
And a Yoko as well.
Apek, satu Yoko katai ngan satu cermin mata bulat express!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
2am in the morning.
My optimism view of life was tested today upon reaching home from a rough day at work. Instead of fighting the issue, i choose the latter; closing my eyes and pretend that it was all a bad dream. I woke up at 2 am and noticed this weight on my heart, and I sense that I cannot just ignore such a bad dream after all.
Parents can sometimes turn a blind eye to whatever your contribution you have done in your life, when their egos are tested, so I've noticed. They cause a tantrum everytime you raise an issue as an adult, thinking that you're not adult enough to discuss about it. Firstly, im 21 going 22, and I have proven myself worthy in countless occasions on my loyalty, leadership and presence in the family. There is absolutely no doubt about it. Sacrificing for the family in my point of view is crucial- top priority, in order to sustain an important balance between good and evil in my life. But like I say, that can all go down the drain when parents tend to view their authority over the whole issue, and being oblivious that actually by fact, it was me who had a a major share of it in the issue. Yes you have paid the sum of money, but it was me who facilitated the whole thing, and whenever you needed help I was almost always there to assist, despite the fact that your persuasion in the matter of help can be quite rough and authoritative. Oh come on is it so hard to say, please? Or say nicely? Why must it sound like an order, and like, just barge into my personal space and demand something, in an almost PRC-like tone, and expect something to be done. Im not a student dad. Im your son. I think you kinda forget tt. Sheesh. And mum just kept quiet cuz she knew I'd be sad about it and with her eyes looking at me like that when she open the door and saw me keeping my mouth shut, on my bed, in a distant look, she ask if i have eaten and quietly close the door. She know the drill- I'd complain to her tomorrow when dad's at work. That way this stupid feeling can go away. Sweet mum.
I dreamt about how it was back then. It was simple. I used to have this strong pillar of reliability on my godsisters. And there was diana. There was my buddy Khairul whom I always ponder at awe how he could actually make things look funny all the time. There was Aisyah whom I share almost everything with her. And now look at me.
Back then it was beautiful. When I feel sad or happy, I can have a cup of ice cream with Aisyah, Isz, and many other friends in JC. I mean, its not about how ice cream can solve a problem. Men think in an almost robotic-like practical system- he view things in perspective, and tries to secure a solution to the problems he is facing unlike women who just need emotional comfort. Its about the type of friends I use to have. Aisyah is that sweet soft person who can really reach out to anyone, and have that smile that can cheer a person instantly. Khairul has that ability- almost Samir-like. And Diana is really objective. And I do have the Malay Excos at my support, people like Farhanah and Suli and Muni. So I've noticed.
I have many female friends and only a small number of guy friends. Why do I result myself into woman? That is the issue im pondering now. When Dian was alive, I shunned all my female friends and just combined all those female friends I have into one, thinking that it was the best solution. So when she passed away, things became quite messy.
I always believe, in my point of view, that having a best mate and a best female friend is crucial. It kinda strike a balance in life- both are able to give a balance opinion. However, having a group of female friends is also crucial cuz you cannot rely or depend on a singular perception from women, it needs to be as a whole. unlike guys, cuz guys are just so typical. One guy is all it takes to share. Haha.
And you don't play the guitar over the phone to a guy ryt? haha! I used to sing on the phone to my godsisters, whichever is free. Its just a way to express myself, not a flirtatious action.
But look at me now. Limited in numbers. Limited in time. I seriously cannot wait to uni. Back to a student life. An institution where you are able to orientate or communicate with people. When you work you don't communicate much. Its just work, and home. And home, to work. My optimism view of life is getting thinner. I hope it doesn't reach danger levels. Cuz if it does, then I guess I'd be as miserable as an apek who never buy 4D but number strike lottery.
I can't wait to stimulate my mind in books and intellectual comodity. I can't wait to be compliant to a fixed schedule of mugging and studying w friends, jamming, dancing, things tt used to fill up my life. The alma matter of my life is now all based on the clock ticking to July next yr.
I can start all over again. I can reach out to the need again, find time for community work again. I can discuss with people a common subject to ponder. Oh its so exciting. And I can also curse at myself on how stressed up I've become when the exams comes. Haha.
I believe it all comes down to a singular word.
Challenge.
I need a challenge. A certain injection of adrenaline.
PS: Yo Harold buddy, bring me out and let's do something crazy.
PPS: I actually share the same likings with my cuzzin Aizud about this song. I shall jam with you guys Oasis fanatics soon.
If I'd to fall, will you be there to applaud
Or would you hide behind them all.
Cuz if I have to go, in my heart you grow.
That's where you belong.
The author succumbed himself in fear of losing the ones close to him. He wishes for that tiny moment where everything was like in the past, but acknowledging the fact that it can never happen and so instead he wished something else.
Something else.
And he aspires to live his life like Muhammad, with a slight drop of John Lennon's attributes. Gosh he needs that book by John Lennon.
Quoting from his book, In His Own Write, "And yoko was the one that saved me from this boredom. She is perfect. Personality, and the Oriental Eyes."
Parents can sometimes turn a blind eye to whatever your contribution you have done in your life, when their egos are tested, so I've noticed. They cause a tantrum everytime you raise an issue as an adult, thinking that you're not adult enough to discuss about it. Firstly, im 21 going 22, and I have proven myself worthy in countless occasions on my loyalty, leadership and presence in the family. There is absolutely no doubt about it. Sacrificing for the family in my point of view is crucial- top priority, in order to sustain an important balance between good and evil in my life. But like I say, that can all go down the drain when parents tend to view their authority over the whole issue, and being oblivious that actually by fact, it was me who had a a major share of it in the issue. Yes you have paid the sum of money, but it was me who facilitated the whole thing, and whenever you needed help I was almost always there to assist, despite the fact that your persuasion in the matter of help can be quite rough and authoritative. Oh come on is it so hard to say, please? Or say nicely? Why must it sound like an order, and like, just barge into my personal space and demand something, in an almost PRC-like tone, and expect something to be done. Im not a student dad. Im your son. I think you kinda forget tt. Sheesh. And mum just kept quiet cuz she knew I'd be sad about it and with her eyes looking at me like that when she open the door and saw me keeping my mouth shut, on my bed, in a distant look, she ask if i have eaten and quietly close the door. She know the drill- I'd complain to her tomorrow when dad's at work. That way this stupid feeling can go away. Sweet mum.
I dreamt about how it was back then. It was simple. I used to have this strong pillar of reliability on my godsisters. And there was diana. There was my buddy Khairul whom I always ponder at awe how he could actually make things look funny all the time. There was Aisyah whom I share almost everything with her. And now look at me.
Back then it was beautiful. When I feel sad or happy, I can have a cup of ice cream with Aisyah, Isz, and many other friends in JC. I mean, its not about how ice cream can solve a problem. Men think in an almost robotic-like practical system- he view things in perspective, and tries to secure a solution to the problems he is facing unlike women who just need emotional comfort. Its about the type of friends I use to have. Aisyah is that sweet soft person who can really reach out to anyone, and have that smile that can cheer a person instantly. Khairul has that ability- almost Samir-like. And Diana is really objective. And I do have the Malay Excos at my support, people like Farhanah and Suli and Muni. So I've noticed.
I have many female friends and only a small number of guy friends. Why do I result myself into woman? That is the issue im pondering now. When Dian was alive, I shunned all my female friends and just combined all those female friends I have into one, thinking that it was the best solution. So when she passed away, things became quite messy.
I always believe, in my point of view, that having a best mate and a best female friend is crucial. It kinda strike a balance in life- both are able to give a balance opinion. However, having a group of female friends is also crucial cuz you cannot rely or depend on a singular perception from women, it needs to be as a whole. unlike guys, cuz guys are just so typical. One guy is all it takes to share. Haha.
And you don't play the guitar over the phone to a guy ryt? haha! I used to sing on the phone to my godsisters, whichever is free. Its just a way to express myself, not a flirtatious action.
But look at me now. Limited in numbers. Limited in time. I seriously cannot wait to uni. Back to a student life. An institution where you are able to orientate or communicate with people. When you work you don't communicate much. Its just work, and home. And home, to work. My optimism view of life is getting thinner. I hope it doesn't reach danger levels. Cuz if it does, then I guess I'd be as miserable as an apek who never buy 4D but number strike lottery.
I can't wait to stimulate my mind in books and intellectual comodity. I can't wait to be compliant to a fixed schedule of mugging and studying w friends, jamming, dancing, things tt used to fill up my life. The alma matter of my life is now all based on the clock ticking to July next yr.
I can start all over again. I can reach out to the need again, find time for community work again. I can discuss with people a common subject to ponder. Oh its so exciting. And I can also curse at myself on how stressed up I've become when the exams comes. Haha.
I believe it all comes down to a singular word.
Challenge.
I need a challenge. A certain injection of adrenaline.
PS: Yo Harold buddy, bring me out and let's do something crazy.
PPS: I actually share the same likings with my cuzzin Aizud about this song. I shall jam with you guys Oasis fanatics soon.
If I'd to fall, will you be there to applaud
Or would you hide behind them all.
Cuz if I have to go, in my heart you grow.
That's where you belong.
The author succumbed himself in fear of losing the ones close to him. He wishes for that tiny moment where everything was like in the past, but acknowledging the fact that it can never happen and so instead he wished something else.
Something else.
And he aspires to live his life like Muhammad, with a slight drop of John Lennon's attributes. Gosh he needs that book by John Lennon.
Quoting from his book, In His Own Write, "And yoko was the one that saved me from this boredom. She is perfect. Personality, and the Oriental Eyes."
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Melawan Kesepian aka Fighting the quietness
Apapun yang terjadi
(Whatever that happens)
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
(Keep walking without stopping)
Airmata tertahan
(Tears are hold back)
Waktu untuk dijatuhkan
(When can it fall)
Nanti kita kan tahu
(Later we will know)
Betapa bijaknya hidup
(How clever life runs)
Sepahit apa pun ini
(No matter how bitter it is)
Pelajaran yang bererti
(Its a lesson to be learnt)
Semoga kepergianmu
(May your departure)
Tak akan merubah apa pun
(Would not change anything)
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...
(May I can fight the quietness)
(musid bridge)
Nanti kita kan tahu
(Later we will know)
Betapa bijaknya hidup
(How clever life runs)
Sepahit apa pun ini
(No matter how bitter it is)
Pelajaran yang bererti
(Its a lesson to be learnt)
Semoga kepergianmu
(May your departure)
Tak akan merubah apa pun
(Would not change anything)
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...
(May I can fight the quietness)
Apapun yang terjadi
(Whatever that happens)
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
(Keep walking without stopping)
Ps:Gosh this song really touch me. And that 'departure' kinda remind me of someone.
(Whatever that happens)
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
(Keep walking without stopping)
Airmata tertahan
(Tears are hold back)
Waktu untuk dijatuhkan
(When can it fall)
Nanti kita kan tahu
(Later we will know)
Betapa bijaknya hidup
(How clever life runs)
Sepahit apa pun ini
(No matter how bitter it is)
Pelajaran yang bererti
(Its a lesson to be learnt)
Semoga kepergianmu
(May your departure)
Tak akan merubah apa pun
(Would not change anything)
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...
(May I can fight the quietness)
(musid bridge)
Nanti kita kan tahu
(Later we will know)
Betapa bijaknya hidup
(How clever life runs)
Sepahit apa pun ini
(No matter how bitter it is)
Pelajaran yang bererti
(Its a lesson to be learnt)
Semoga kepergianmu
(May your departure)
Tak akan merubah apa pun
(Would not change anything)
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...
(May I can fight the quietness)
Apapun yang terjadi
(Whatever that happens)
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
(Keep walking without stopping)
Ps:Gosh this song really touch me. And that 'departure' kinda remind me of someone.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The Buto Clan
I have created a clan of my own on Facebook.
This is my clan.
The Buto Clan.
And so far, I have 10 members in it haha. Soon, 55000 people will be in my grasp!!!
I shall fine myself a good logo for our clan, I gave that particular job to my newly-appointed VP Taufiq Omar haha!
Do add them up and join in the nonsense! If you have been to a stadium before with a crowd of 50,000 watching the Lions try to eat up their prey, then by all means, embody yourself with the power of that single word that sent many Vietnamese in fear. Take a look at this clip and you will understand how powerful it is.
I swear even the apek and the makcik and the xiao ti ti and the xiao mei mei, not the mention the uncle selling magnolia ice cream was shouting that word when you hear that familiar horn sound.
"Pet pet, pet pet pet. Pet pet pet pet!"
Fill up the word that comes after this sentence yourself. You can make a difference in your life. Forget about the fear of rioting. Forget about pain and backstabbing collegues out for your bonuses. Forget about the angst and trauma of life. Let your heart be free, and express what you feel in that single word that drove many Singaporeans into a sea of fanatical frenzy.
And on top of that, I have a new computer. Now all I need is to collect the money wanpee owe me since 06102007. Goodness. If I were to put that some in the bank I cud get 0.5% of interest already. Well, kalau orang dah sesak nak buat camaner kan. Haha, I myself have faced this similar situation before. Not the money borrowing haha. Im more of a money lender, cuz I think alhamdulilah Im financially stable within my means. :) I had to walked from CCK back to Senja Rd my crib just coz my NETS was rejected when I was toping up my EZ link card.
Besides, having a supercomputer is necessary. My dad is currently taking a diploma in media design and I myself am gonna go university next year. So yeah, my house must be ready, fully equipped with the basic facilities for future use. Hahaha!
I have a question for you. Do you think Singapore's lost to the underdog Vietnam was attributed to Agu Cashmir, the lone toothless striker that suffered many angst and boos from the strong 55,000 men and women of the Buto Clan, or is it the Spore Coach losing his touch in tactics after we see major changes in the team's reserve that actually caused the goal, or is it the Vietnamese dirty tactics of drama mama that caused the Lions to be out of focused?
Im still clueless as to how they play. I watched on Youtube the Legend Lions, made up of few old timers like Fandi Ahmad, Abbas Saad, Sundra Murthi, and etc.
Look at how they play. Top class. Look at how Singapore plays now. Like my JC team. Hahha. Sembarang je main.
I think its also a blessing in disguise. Come to think of it, many apek and pakcik who buy number or into soccer gambling got their lessons learnt. They lost quite bad. I heard the security uncle lost 2000 bux already. Haha, padan muke.
Its been a boring day. I guess that's about it.
Chow.
"Pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet!"
"But*!!!"
PS: Diana is leaving this 12th Jan to Sweden for a year. Another close friend going away. Darn.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
hmm...
I'm finally giving myself a chance to redeem myself. Yesterday I went on a date with this beautiful chinese girl whos working at DFS. People who knew the position Im in wud say, 'Finally...' while others would clearly be superficial about it and just making obnoxious claims eg, "There he goes again."
It went well I thought. Its been so long since I dated someone. At first I knew I could bring THE hazlami out. But suddenly years of confidence and experience on dating when straight down to my gnarl hole after seeing her standing there waiting to be greeted by me. Back to the lab again Haz.. Goodness. Suddenly I was a nubey.
After watching YES-man we had a cuppa of ice cream at bnj when I saw Yusri and his fellowship which I thought I've seen them somewhere before but after introducing me to his crew I found out they were AJcians. Haha. Well, I have a weak memory cache. Blame it on me.
I love it when I do the 'people analysing' game on her. She was like, 'what the crap is he talking about' and her face has words written on her like, 'Is this guy for real?'. Clearly, it was only 85% accurate, and the previous bugger whom I tested this test rated it 94%, so where's the flaw in it? Hahaha, I must consult Taha in this matter, maybe he can find the missing 15%.
But really, she is uniquely simple. And sometimes in simplicity lies the key to many wonders. What would you say if all you need to do is just think, smile, and make a decision? You do not need to weigh too much the pros and cons. Just follow your mood and heart. That's what I call, simply magnificent. Its really rare. And she has that superb calibre. And I always think women are very very complicated. Perhaps not all of them are. :)
I have a few issues I really need to discuss about the Singapore match that I and my bro and his Maryam attended. And also about this nonsensical song Im playing by the Beatles. But I have to go. Work's a bitch, and bitches started at 10pm. Darn.
Toodles.
PS: I ain't the Eggman, you're the eggman, but I AM THE WALRUS!! I like the walrus. Big teeth to munch upon baby Arfan's cheek hehe. :p
PPS: I know you're reading this, after reading my msg im about to sent to ya later. :) Nice or not my blog? hehe..
It went well I thought. Its been so long since I dated someone. At first I knew I could bring THE hazlami out. But suddenly years of confidence and experience on dating when straight down to my gnarl hole after seeing her standing there waiting to be greeted by me. Back to the lab again Haz.. Goodness. Suddenly I was a nubey.
After watching YES-man we had a cuppa of ice cream at bnj when I saw Yusri and his fellowship which I thought I've seen them somewhere before but after introducing me to his crew I found out they were AJcians. Haha. Well, I have a weak memory cache. Blame it on me.
I love it when I do the 'people analysing' game on her. She was like, 'what the crap is he talking about' and her face has words written on her like, 'Is this guy for real?'. Clearly, it was only 85% accurate, and the previous bugger whom I tested this test rated it 94%, so where's the flaw in it? Hahaha, I must consult Taha in this matter, maybe he can find the missing 15%.
But really, she is uniquely simple. And sometimes in simplicity lies the key to many wonders. What would you say if all you need to do is just think, smile, and make a decision? You do not need to weigh too much the pros and cons. Just follow your mood and heart. That's what I call, simply magnificent. Its really rare. And she has that superb calibre. And I always think women are very very complicated. Perhaps not all of them are. :)
I have a few issues I really need to discuss about the Singapore match that I and my bro and his Maryam attended. And also about this nonsensical song Im playing by the Beatles. But I have to go. Work's a bitch, and bitches started at 10pm. Darn.
Toodles.
PS: I ain't the Eggman, you're the eggman, but I AM THE WALRUS!! I like the walrus. Big teeth to munch upon baby Arfan's cheek hehe. :p
PPS: I know you're reading this, after reading my msg im about to sent to ya later. :) Nice or not my blog? hehe..
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Friends or Foes
Sometimes I wonder why I should be there for others when they are not there for me. I wonder how my feelings change from a sincere friendship to just yet another opportunistic attempt on my life. I wonder how my thoughts shaped the view of my fundamental core of friendship when it turns out people are just trying to use me as a tool, like say, only asking me or calling me or contacting me when there's a fucking sale in DFS. Or they just want someone to accompany them, let say, calling on the hp on my outgoing calls singing on the guitar to cheer people up. Or just simply for my calibre of 'saving the world.'
I feel like a prostitute. Maybe this is how those girls at Geylang feel. Fuck.
I wonder how it really feels to be like Peter Petrelli. He is dumb and naive, gullible and, yet again, proven to be a useful tool, but having a heart of gold, that doesn't minus off the negative character. In the book I read somewhere, they say people need STRONG people not NICE people. Well, fuck the book.
I will change my hp soon. I'll cut myself from the world. The world that likes to take opportunities off people. A world where all they need is just me and my stupid antics to say 'tomorrow is going to be ok yeah?'.
I will try to be selfish in my order. Be selfish to be so-called 'strong'.
Well, I guess im just a plain loser trying to find the truth about life and how it runs and am willing to share it to people but people just listen to it for conveniences, and then they just keep digging me like im some kind of a gold mine.
I have a word for all of this. You people want strong people? Go ahead. Please me.
The author is pissed at his inapt to lead a normal life. Sigh, here we go again.
He wishes to be somewhere leading a quiet hermit life.
I feel like a prostitute. Maybe this is how those girls at Geylang feel. Fuck.
I wonder how it really feels to be like Peter Petrelli. He is dumb and naive, gullible and, yet again, proven to be a useful tool, but having a heart of gold, that doesn't minus off the negative character. In the book I read somewhere, they say people need STRONG people not NICE people. Well, fuck the book.
I will change my hp soon. I'll cut myself from the world. The world that likes to take opportunities off people. A world where all they need is just me and my stupid antics to say 'tomorrow is going to be ok yeah?'.
I will try to be selfish in my order. Be selfish to be so-called 'strong'.
Well, I guess im just a plain loser trying to find the truth about life and how it runs and am willing to share it to people but people just listen to it for conveniences, and then they just keep digging me like im some kind of a gold mine.
I have a word for all of this. You people want strong people? Go ahead. Please me.
The author is pissed at his inapt to lead a normal life. Sigh, here we go again.
He wishes to be somewhere leading a quiet hermit life.
Friday, December 05, 2008
The many What's and What's not in Kumar's dehydrated impoverished torrid barren brain.
I realise that I have not been blogging. So since im doing nothing, and honestly speaking, I cannot think of a topic to blog about other than these topics that im still working on- 'Muslim Unity in question' and 'Controversial Issues relating Religion and Worklife'.
So how about I blog about what I feel for a change eh? After viewing my back dated posts that truly portrayed the 'kekentalan' side of me, I saw a change in tone of speech, convey of message in terms of purpose and essence, the sudden extinction of malay poems written by me, and the way I type. It was like, "Woah! Shit. I did grew up after all. At least when they say I look 17, or wadever, I have something under my sleeve to rebut. " Haha!
Needless to say, age does come with maturity. BUT. Age doesn't justify the level of maturity. In fact, you cannot justify anything in this world. The more questions you come up with, the more questions you think rather than solutions waltzing through the millions of what's and what's not.
Like, what is that old woman doing?
She is digging her nose.
Why?
Habit.
Huh?
Or maybe in logical terms, she is clearing her airway.
Why?
Oh, to breathe better?
But why need to breathe better?
Cuz humans cannot survive 2 minutes without air, putting it the first in line in front of water. DUH~
Why do humans need to survive? Why humans need air to survive? Why can't humans survive on water like fishes? Why? Why? Why....?
The true underlying question would be:
What are you trying to ask?
The answer is a question.
What is life?
So as you can see the journey of speech and thought dwells upon the facts, then the logic behind the facts, then the explanation behind the logic, and then the it boils down to one basic question.
Who created such complex system, and why.
It is widely discussed by many theologians and philosophers, that the doctrines of humanity in search of the true meaning of existence and relating themselves to find the core of all reasons-the birth of the universe and the purpose of its birth, is of universal entity. Meaning to say, it is a norm. Scientists work hard to seek such understanding, and while many may argue that science in general is able to answer the many questions that was once deemed, 'religiously benifitting or God-is-the-one-responsible-related subjects', all they did is knowing the mechanics behind the system. But the reason of creation? I myself am mused by such deep thought.
I had a conversation with dad regarding Nur Muhammad, how it coincides with Stephen Hawkings theory of particle creation and big bang. I am still in deep thought about it. But he did mention that for one to acquire such divine knowledge, one must be cleansed from the sickness of the heart.
And my heart is still having major hiccups, not to mention the jealous flu and anger fever. HaaaaCHOOO!
Haha. Im sick in the mind. I think I think to much.
So dun think.
I was hoping you'd say that. But yeah, my curiosity mojo is at full charge everytime so I must know, no matter what. Haha. That doesn't mean im kaypoh.
But seriously, Im facing the dumb syndrome, usually affecting those victims who lack the time spent on the discussion of controversial issues, or intellectual inquisitions, or perhaps, the downsizing of his/her intellectual friends that makes his/her capacity to acquire scintillating information. That'll make me socially inapt. Darn.
The only 'intellectual' person I can refer to at work is my kakak eileen. I know she is reading my blog, haha, and dun kembang eh I praise u, haha, but really, she'd ask me questions that'll make me go on a wild ransacking quest on my absolutely pruned brain.
Harold, if u are reading, kumar feels bored and hopes that Harold drops by his stupid shop when he is on day shift so we can go and do something crazy that'll make Kumar's head twirl once again.
Or perhaps you can give me a defibrillation procedure to jumpstart my dead heart.
Or maybe I want it to remain dead.
Kumar is losing hope on his love life, sub-consciously knowing that the population of girls with soft voices, sweet smiles, deep thoughts, and full of colour, not to mention being demure and not too revolting and daring is at the brink of extinction. He has already beginning to form the what ifs if he were to not marry.
That was when I rule the world. How I wish Im back ruling again.
So how about I blog about what I feel for a change eh? After viewing my back dated posts that truly portrayed the 'kekentalan' side of me, I saw a change in tone of speech, convey of message in terms of purpose and essence, the sudden extinction of malay poems written by me, and the way I type. It was like, "Woah! Shit. I did grew up after all. At least when they say I look 17, or wadever, I have something under my sleeve to rebut. " Haha!
Needless to say, age does come with maturity. BUT. Age doesn't justify the level of maturity. In fact, you cannot justify anything in this world. The more questions you come up with, the more questions you think rather than solutions waltzing through the millions of what's and what's not.
Like, what is that old woman doing?
She is digging her nose.
Why?
Habit.
Huh?
Or maybe in logical terms, she is clearing her airway.
Why?
Oh, to breathe better?
But why need to breathe better?
Cuz humans cannot survive 2 minutes without air, putting it the first in line in front of water. DUH~
Why do humans need to survive? Why humans need air to survive? Why can't humans survive on water like fishes? Why? Why? Why....?
The true underlying question would be:
What are you trying to ask?
The answer is a question.
What is life?
So as you can see the journey of speech and thought dwells upon the facts, then the logic behind the facts, then the explanation behind the logic, and then the it boils down to one basic question.
Who created such complex system, and why.
It is widely discussed by many theologians and philosophers, that the doctrines of humanity in search of the true meaning of existence and relating themselves to find the core of all reasons-the birth of the universe and the purpose of its birth, is of universal entity. Meaning to say, it is a norm. Scientists work hard to seek such understanding, and while many may argue that science in general is able to answer the many questions that was once deemed, 'religiously benifitting or God-is-the-one-responsible-related subjects', all they did is knowing the mechanics behind the system. But the reason of creation? I myself am mused by such deep thought.
I had a conversation with dad regarding Nur Muhammad, how it coincides with Stephen Hawkings theory of particle creation and big bang. I am still in deep thought about it. But he did mention that for one to acquire such divine knowledge, one must be cleansed from the sickness of the heart.
And my heart is still having major hiccups, not to mention the jealous flu and anger fever. HaaaaCHOOO!
Haha. Im sick in the mind. I think I think to much.
So dun think.
I was hoping you'd say that. But yeah, my curiosity mojo is at full charge everytime so I must know, no matter what. Haha. That doesn't mean im kaypoh.
But seriously, Im facing the dumb syndrome, usually affecting those victims who lack the time spent on the discussion of controversial issues, or intellectual inquisitions, or perhaps, the downsizing of his/her intellectual friends that makes his/her capacity to acquire scintillating information. That'll make me socially inapt. Darn.
The only 'intellectual' person I can refer to at work is my kakak eileen. I know she is reading my blog, haha, and dun kembang eh I praise u, haha, but really, she'd ask me questions that'll make me go on a wild ransacking quest on my absolutely pruned brain.
Harold, if u are reading, kumar feels bored and hopes that Harold drops by his stupid shop when he is on day shift so we can go and do something crazy that'll make Kumar's head twirl once again.
Or perhaps you can give me a defibrillation procedure to jumpstart my dead heart.
Or maybe I want it to remain dead.
Kumar is losing hope on his love life, sub-consciously knowing that the population of girls with soft voices, sweet smiles, deep thoughts, and full of colour, not to mention being demure and not too revolting and daring is at the brink of extinction. He has already beginning to form the what ifs if he were to not marry.
That was when I rule the world. How I wish Im back ruling again.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
The world takes a dip into the pot that they've boiled
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
Albert Einstein.
As the world deeps itself into a midst of hell fire, never did they realise that actually the cause of their absolute ambiguity in the predicament of the economic weather comes from thyself.
"Man is the vicegerent of Allah on Earth." (Quran, 2:30)
But do they?
According to Straits Times, the recent fall of the Lehmann Brothers, and other giant banks and henceforth unleashed a domino effect creating disastrous paths that shred Iceland's economy to bankruptcy, and sent ripples throughout Asia. The first country in Asia to hit the fall- Japan, suffered relentless crusade of enormous bank loans and smells of an economic recession.
But the purpose of me discussing the issue is what causes the downfall, but the root reason why it all happened.
A simple answer. Humans are too obsessed with material value and luxurious comfort.
One should notably accept that as the world marches towards a Profound Era, we have staked ourselves with our an-nafs; the idea of luxury and comfort has capitalized our mindset of how we view life as a whole. Detailed structures of thoughts, like ideal lifestyle, the capability to grasp constructive predictions with the aid of technologies and the use of human intelligence to achieve once known to be 'impossible' has made us forget that in perfection, lies the killer slice of a set of anomalies considered to be 'the negative codes of the human spirit.' We have yet to understand and accept, that like the rest that is created, we are imperfect. And even if we do strive towards perfection, we are still imperfect to contain such perfection. It is like a dirty leaking container being filled up with holy pure water. As such, in our own aspects of life, perfection begets imperfection. This is not applicable to God, for He is Omnipotent and Perfect, and His Perfection begets life. And thus, we must reflect on ourselves. Much to our dismay, social dogmatics of what we perceived to be 'luxurious comfort' such as owning a Plasma 30 inch TV, or purchasing a set of Nintendo WII despite having an XBOX 360 or a PS2, or even owning a branded Coach bag but feels it is not the one to be worn during a DnD and thus purchase a new, more expensive bag from Loius Vutton. Such atrocious acts provokes the evil of 'spending more than you desire.' Why encourage ourselves to spend more? I have came across a customer when I was working in DFS. As usual, I pushed sales, informing him that we are having a Mastercard promotion and if she were to use her Mastercard to spend $400, she can redeem $40 DFS voucher. Her response?
"I don't need the voucher. I have that amount of money already."
It is time for us to reflect on our ideas and our principles as we try to sail across a storm many economist predicts to be the worst depression in any age.
I may like to discuss a few aspects of the credit system practiced by the West.
The terms Debit and Credit have latin roots. Debit comes from debere, which means "to owe". The Latin debitum means "debt". Credit comes from the Latin word credere, which means "to believe" or "to entrust".
The first bank card, named "Charg-It," was introduced in 1946 by John Biggins, a banker in Brooklyn, according to MasterCard. When a customer used it for a purchase, the bill was forwarded to Biggins' bank. The bank reimbursed the merchant and obtained payment from the customer. The catches: Purchases could only be made locally, and Charg-It cardholders had to have an account at Biggins' bank. In 1951, the first bank credit card appeared in New York's Franklin National Bank for loan customers. It also could be used only by the bank's account holders.
It is mentioned in a Hadith, "He who grants a respite to one who is in straightened circumstances or who remits his debt, will be saved by God from the anxieties of the Day of Resurrection."
(Muslim).
As mentioned, Islamic Economy encourages respite- giving temporary relief to those who are in debt. Respite as a noun, is clearly defined as 'a (temporary) relief from harm or discomfort'.1 However, the loan system in the West instead introduces usury- a system of interests. According to a hadith by Muslim, "Gold is to be paid by gold, silver by silver, wheat by wheat, barley by barley, dates by dates and salt by salt, like for like, payment being made on the spot. If anyone gives more or asks for more, he has dealt in usury. The receiver and the giver are equally guilty." This shows the amount of instigation the West applies on the World Economy. Clearly, when a person is on debt, by Islamic Farai'd, one should not burden the other.
This concept of open transparency, much evident in many Islamic businesses, and also proven by how Rasulullah SAW trades and deals with Khadijah's trading company until he was given the name 'Al-Amin'; the Honest One, has proven to be a useful medium. Recent market difficulties, most notably the credit crunch, could act as yet another incentive for investors to flock to Islamic banking. The animating religious goal behind the restrictions is to achieve greater social justice by sharing risk and reward. Islamic finance bans people from selling what they don't own, which rules out short selling, and from engaging in contracts deemed to have excessive uncertainty on either side. That rules out traditional insurance, so Islamic banks have instead developed takaful, in which a group of people pool risk.
To be sure, from the Bible to Buddhism, most of the world's faiths have issued warnings against usury, and theologians through the ages have debated the line between permissible and excessive interest rates. But ultimately, in the West, governments and religious authorities deemed some amount of interest permissible.
However in Islam, most scholars deem fixed-interest payments forbidden. For example, the sukuk issuer does not sell a debt, as a traditional bond issuer would, but rather sells a portion of an asset, on which the buyer is then entitled to receive rent. Likewise, rather than take out an interest-bearing loan, a business in need of financing might enter a musharaka, a partnership with profit-and-loss sharing. And thus, instead of burdening the party, it encourages another business opportunity.
The world’s 100 largest wholly Islamic banks, according to Asian Banker Research, hold almost $350 billion in assets and reported an average yearly asset growth rate of 26.7 percent, outpacing the 19.3 percent growth recorded by the world’s largest 100 conventional banks in 2006.
The growth of Islamic Economy is attributed to a few factors.
And to sum it all up, the growth of Islamic finance will spur more others to indulge themselves into a more prospectable operation, and thus my personal prediction would be, the welcoming prospects of an awakening strong Islamic Economy, with a birth of its own currency, perhaps, dinars, and the march towards the end of time, with Islamic Nations unified under a banner, socially, economically, and politically, and with that, the Golden Era of Islam led by the return of Jesus (Prophet Isa A.S) and muslim leader Imam Mahdi, and thus the sudden dip in humanity, and carrying with it, the ultimate destruction of Life, as God has decided.
May Allah save us all. Wslm.
Moving on to a softer note, I must apologise for my demise from the world. I understand I was away for more than a month or two. I have subjected my own thoughts to my own, and went to exile to learn more about myself and what I must do in life. And thus, I think I became a better person. Now to just brush up on my harsh uncivilised vocabularies as pointed out by a fierce woman who has made feelings with my big brother. Haha.
Yesterday was fun. Although the BBQ didn't turn out the way we wanted it to be, but we boys couldn't care less. Instead, we went back to Harold's crib and cooked burgers, and with my big brother, me Taha and Harold spent the rest of the days laughing and cursing each other as we battled out as a team playing my ps2 in soccer. It was a joyful experience, as I was untouched by the world ever since the 20th of Ramadhan. I can view it as a refreshing start to the many stupid antics of Hazlami.
And to top it all off, Harold and Kumar are back! Hahaha! Ok maybe Arafat (that's what Harold's mum call Taha) also, but still, the spotlight is on us haha! Wait for me buddy!
We shall conquer the world!! (but maybe SIM first la haha)
PS: This song spurs me on to be the best.
Orewa, Kaizoku Ouja!!!!!!!
Citations
Albert Einstein.
As the world deeps itself into a midst of hell fire, never did they realise that actually the cause of their absolute ambiguity in the predicament of the economic weather comes from thyself.
"Man is the vicegerent of Allah on Earth." (Quran, 2:30)
But do they?
According to Straits Times, the recent fall of the Lehmann Brothers, and other giant banks and henceforth unleashed a domino effect creating disastrous paths that shred Iceland's economy to bankruptcy, and sent ripples throughout Asia. The first country in Asia to hit the fall- Japan, suffered relentless crusade of enormous bank loans and smells of an economic recession.
But the purpose of me discussing the issue is what causes the downfall, but the root reason why it all happened.
A simple answer. Humans are too obsessed with material value and luxurious comfort.
One should notably accept that as the world marches towards a Profound Era, we have staked ourselves with our an-nafs; the idea of luxury and comfort has capitalized our mindset of how we view life as a whole. Detailed structures of thoughts, like ideal lifestyle, the capability to grasp constructive predictions with the aid of technologies and the use of human intelligence to achieve once known to be 'impossible' has made us forget that in perfection, lies the killer slice of a set of anomalies considered to be 'the negative codes of the human spirit.' We have yet to understand and accept, that like the rest that is created, we are imperfect. And even if we do strive towards perfection, we are still imperfect to contain such perfection. It is like a dirty leaking container being filled up with holy pure water. As such, in our own aspects of life, perfection begets imperfection. This is not applicable to God, for He is Omnipotent and Perfect, and His Perfection begets life. And thus, we must reflect on ourselves. Much to our dismay, social dogmatics of what we perceived to be 'luxurious comfort' such as owning a Plasma 30 inch TV, or purchasing a set of Nintendo WII despite having an XBOX 360 or a PS2, or even owning a branded Coach bag but feels it is not the one to be worn during a DnD and thus purchase a new, more expensive bag from Loius Vutton. Such atrocious acts provokes the evil of 'spending more than you desire.' Why encourage ourselves to spend more? I have came across a customer when I was working in DFS. As usual, I pushed sales, informing him that we are having a Mastercard promotion and if she were to use her Mastercard to spend $400, she can redeem $40 DFS voucher. Her response?
"I don't need the voucher. I have that amount of money already."
It is time for us to reflect on our ideas and our principles as we try to sail across a storm many economist predicts to be the worst depression in any age.
I may like to discuss a few aspects of the credit system practiced by the West.
The terms Debit and Credit have latin roots. Debit comes from debere, which means "to owe". The Latin debitum means "debt". Credit comes from the Latin word credere, which means "to believe" or "to entrust".
The first bank card, named "Charg-It," was introduced in 1946 by John Biggins, a banker in Brooklyn, according to MasterCard. When a customer used it for a purchase, the bill was forwarded to Biggins' bank. The bank reimbursed the merchant and obtained payment from the customer. The catches: Purchases could only be made locally, and Charg-It cardholders had to have an account at Biggins' bank. In 1951, the first bank credit card appeared in New York's Franklin National Bank for loan customers. It also could be used only by the bank's account holders.
It is mentioned in a Hadith, "He who grants a respite to one who is in straightened circumstances or who remits his debt, will be saved by God from the anxieties of the Day of Resurrection."
(Muslim).
As mentioned, Islamic Economy encourages respite- giving temporary relief to those who are in debt. Respite as a noun, is clearly defined as 'a (temporary) relief from harm or discomfort'.1 However, the loan system in the West instead introduces usury- a system of interests. According to a hadith by Muslim, "Gold is to be paid by gold, silver by silver, wheat by wheat, barley by barley, dates by dates and salt by salt, like for like, payment being made on the spot. If anyone gives more or asks for more, he has dealt in usury. The receiver and the giver are equally guilty." This shows the amount of instigation the West applies on the World Economy. Clearly, when a person is on debt, by Islamic Farai'd, one should not burden the other.
This concept of open transparency, much evident in many Islamic businesses, and also proven by how Rasulullah SAW trades and deals with Khadijah's trading company until he was given the name 'Al-Amin'; the Honest One, has proven to be a useful medium. Recent market difficulties, most notably the credit crunch, could act as yet another incentive for investors to flock to Islamic banking. The animating religious goal behind the restrictions is to achieve greater social justice by sharing risk and reward. Islamic finance bans people from selling what they don't own, which rules out short selling, and from engaging in contracts deemed to have excessive uncertainty on either side. That rules out traditional insurance, so Islamic banks have instead developed takaful, in which a group of people pool risk.
To be sure, from the Bible to Buddhism, most of the world's faiths have issued warnings against usury, and theologians through the ages have debated the line between permissible and excessive interest rates. But ultimately, in the West, governments and religious authorities deemed some amount of interest permissible.
However in Islam, most scholars deem fixed-interest payments forbidden. For example, the sukuk issuer does not sell a debt, as a traditional bond issuer would, but rather sells a portion of an asset, on which the buyer is then entitled to receive rent. Likewise, rather than take out an interest-bearing loan, a business in need of financing might enter a musharaka, a partnership with profit-and-loss sharing. And thus, instead of burdening the party, it encourages another business opportunity.
The world’s 100 largest wholly Islamic banks, according to Asian Banker Research, hold almost $350 billion in assets and reported an average yearly asset growth rate of 26.7 percent, outpacing the 19.3 percent growth recorded by the world’s largest 100 conventional banks in 2006.
The growth of Islamic Economy is attributed to a few factors.
- Increase in Islamic awareness since the 911 event. Ibrahim Warde, author of Islamic Finance in the Global Economy and an adjunct professor of international business at Tufts University says, 'there was a feeling in many countries that Islam was a religion under siege.'
- Malaysia's intelligent approach towards Islamic Banking. After the 911 events, the US administration froze several prominent Saudis, which triggered other wealthy Arabs to withdraw their funds from the United States. Incapable of investing their funds in their respective countries, they turn to Malaysia's sophisticated Islamic finance. Malaysia was the first country to introduce sukuk (islamic bond) This spurred competition and the emergence of Islamic Economy.
- The whole idea is a fundamental approach to money. Islamic banks operate on the principle of sharing risk and reward among all parties in a business venture. Money cannot make more money. Money must be used productively. This fundamental theory does not work in tandem to the western ideologies of interest-making economy. The fall of Lehmann Brothers, and following a ripple of destruction that spreaded across the globe until Iceland was nearly state-bankrupt showed the crippling side of such structure. An alternative to the once powerful economic structure is refreshing and after all, the transparent way of dealing with shares- open concept of where the money is funded, and equal sharing of risk provides a more safer conservative approach.
- Result-orientated people will expected better outcomes from investments in islamic banks. Supporting this statement is second finance minister Mohamed Nor Yakcop in the three-day summit in the Bahraini capital manama. He emphasized that none of Malaysia's Islamic banks have been hit by write-downs resulting from the crisis and the resulting global credit crunch. He said holders of sukuk or Islamic bonds have been shielded from the worst effects of the subprime mortgage meltdown. This might be partly due to the fact that Islamic Banking investors are not involved in the international economic conflict. But largely, the very basis of gaining money by means of sukuk instead of interest makes Syariah-abiding economic concept more interesting and stable.
And to sum it all up, the growth of Islamic finance will spur more others to indulge themselves into a more prospectable operation, and thus my personal prediction would be, the welcoming prospects of an awakening strong Islamic Economy, with a birth of its own currency, perhaps, dinars, and the march towards the end of time, with Islamic Nations unified under a banner, socially, economically, and politically, and with that, the Golden Era of Islam led by the return of Jesus (Prophet Isa A.S) and muslim leader Imam Mahdi, and thus the sudden dip in humanity, and carrying with it, the ultimate destruction of Life, as God has decided.
May Allah save us all. Wslm.
Moving on to a softer note, I must apologise for my demise from the world. I understand I was away for more than a month or two. I have subjected my own thoughts to my own, and went to exile to learn more about myself and what I must do in life. And thus, I think I became a better person. Now to just brush up on my harsh uncivilised vocabularies as pointed out by a fierce woman who has made feelings with my big brother. Haha.
Yesterday was fun. Although the BBQ didn't turn out the way we wanted it to be, but we boys couldn't care less. Instead, we went back to Harold's crib and cooked burgers, and with my big brother, me Taha and Harold spent the rest of the days laughing and cursing each other as we battled out as a team playing my ps2 in soccer. It was a joyful experience, as I was untouched by the world ever since the 20th of Ramadhan. I can view it as a refreshing start to the many stupid antics of Hazlami.
And to top it all off, Harold and Kumar are back! Hahaha! Ok maybe Arafat (that's what Harold's mum call Taha) also, but still, the spotlight is on us haha! Wait for me buddy!
We shall conquer the world!! (but maybe SIM first la haha)
PS: This song spurs me on to be the best.
Orewa, Kaizoku Ouja!!!!!!!
Citations
[1] American Psychological Association (APA):
respite. (n.d.). WordNet® 3.0. Retrieved November 15, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/respite
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Salamat Belated Berayer Semua!
Goodness, how time flies! Little did I know it has been about 2 weeks since I last blogged! I was carried away with the deco of the house, the Japanese tests that I have, and also work! Sheesh! The absence of a good intellectual conversation eventually limited my brain capacity in which is evident by the fact that I cannot even see the conspiracy or perhaps, the Almighty's Masterplan set upon the world. This is, of course, in relation to the current dramatic economic breakdown that sent giant banks such as AIG and Lehmann Brothers down to the drain. (of course after 1 week of thought I finally realise there might be a conspiracy that can be linked all the way from the Sept 11 attack, or even earlier than that!!)
Hari Raya has been a quiet event for me this year, maybe because of having a shift job that killed my weekends spontaneously. Today is my SECOND raya outing with my parents since first day of raya. How pathetic is that!
Kinda missed the spiritual feeling of raya. It only lasted 2 days before back to the labs with Chinese dudes honkering loud characters at my face.
So to me Hari Raya this year can be compared to two years back, when I was in Taiwan celebrating raya there, but the feeling only lasted 2 days before Ex Warrior commenced. So I have no choice but to focus my energy for the grueling 8-9 days in outfield doing nothing but walking in the cold blistering night and fight an endless battle with non-existing enemies. Although I must say Uncle Fadly did made it special, with his cool new CANON camera! He takes pictures of me like a model say hehe. :p and I also got to take a picture with nenek!
Pardon my nyaee, she's very emotional when it comes to taking pictures, she'd say like, tak tau plak biler nyaee nak mati, nanti amie boleh tatap muka nyaee kalau rindu nyaee yer...
Hensem tak abang2 nie? Kalau hensem, bleh masok minang pasal skrg gue sudah masok 21 beb! I have a Nikah certificate already, so I have the knowledge too! Haha! The downside would be I have no money for the dowry, sorry, but I can offer you my koran buruk if u want hehe..
I had fun learning japanese! They have 3 languages sey, but well, since I NEED to learn it, NOT cuz of the girls but tts just a partially influential factor, but because of the prospects, I have to go thru it man. Damn its tough learning a new language. Its not like learning maths- tts so practical. Language however, needs alot of holistic approach to it. It carries the notion of culture, understanding, technical essence, and many more. Often did we realise tt when a Caucasian professor with a major in Malay studies sounds funny when they speak our language, much of it applies to me as well. And im more worried of how I'd sound like rather than actually learning how to converse. Darn.
Much of my time is spent on either housework with baby Arfan keep crying, or helping mum with the house, or work, or....
DFS SOCCER TOURNAMENT!!!!
Well, we won! DFS SCOTT TEAM WON!!
Guess who is the bugger who got the man of the match title, and a 80 bux worth of DFS cash voucher?
Me.
Hahaha! I dun even see myself playing that well, but out of the 3 matches that was played, I scored 3. Makes me the top scorer as well. But still, a yellow card from arguing with a Mat-player playing for DFS Airport cud be a minus point, however still, I got tt cash voucher and damn im H.A.P.P.Y!!
First match was with the old timers at DFS warehouse. Many of them were old gags. At first I was tasked to be the left winger in the 8-aside game, though I still prefer the nice comfortable right postion. First half was gruelling- old timers cannot be judge lightly. They may look old, but their spirit is young. They pressured the game, and took control most of it. But we scored first, thanks to Usop, my collegue, who played the playmaker. They scored back. However, 10 min to final whistle, i switch to the right, and played one-two passing with Usop, and as I ran thru the middle and back to the right, the defender got confused, and a nice chip from Usop gave me the chance for a volley pass the outstretched goallie. And 3 min till end game, I gave a fruitful long shot from the left, and the ball soared into the net. It was luck plus good timing- I saw the keeper not in position to catch a strong punch to the right corner post. So I just gave it a try. Haha!
2nd match was disastrous! I was unable to find my spot as I was shadowed by the likes of Airport Mat-players, few whom understaood the meaning of sportmanship. I subbed myself towards the end of first half, cursing myself for not able to find space. We conceded two goals, and lost.
the 3rd match however, was very spirited. This is because if we were to win this match against DFS Chai Chee, we are champions. So we started strong, and I was given the right wing to play with Usop and james.
A nice visioned pass from Usop gave me the space to run to the right and cross the ball in, only to found the ball at the back of the net thanks to James our striker. And at the end of first half, I scored another goal after a counter attack, and I easily ran pass this middle aged defender and shot my goal. Second half we played defensive, and I was subbed with a stronger bigger guy. Haha! And well, the referee blowed the whistle, and we won! Whee!
I played good, and felt that I could even be compared to Theo Walcott, since I was wearing the no 14 jersey. Hehe. Chey! Macam betol je. Lari sikit je mintak air, nak steb Walcott konon..
Ok enough with my crap. Lets discuss real matters.
Im not sure but im researching on the reasons that led to the downfall of the economy. Sub prima loans, and many other factors made giant banks facing big loans as well, and in the end, they face bankruptcy. The shares when down, and Allied US countries felt the pain instantaneous. Take a look at Germany. Large firms and banks closed down. Japanese insurance agencies (hope Mika isn't affected bohoo) too took the deep. Asian economy fluctuates, as it has influences with the US economy.
Now I have a question for you. Does it sound a bit too exaggerated?
Things began to unfold eversince the September 11 attacks. It has led to the Afghan war, which has led them to nowhere, and now that country is at war with militia and in ruins, and also the Iraq war, where they couldn't find the sensationalised 'WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION', and until now, the issue of how US takes his own decisions in 'helping' the world community raised alot of unanswered questions. And now the economy.
It all started when I read that the US government actually bought a large percentage of AIG, and injected billions to so-called 'save' the economy. So far, whenever US tries to be the hero, things went from bad to worse. And since when did US showed the capacity to be a hero?
When the US govt bought a large share of the capitalism-driven economy, that means they have absolute power in the economy. They do not need to rely on capitalists- they hold a large share, and thus, they have a larger role in the stakes. As such, they have control over the economy. I must put emphasize on the US govt having control of the economy now as compared to before, when US hold a large influence on the world economy due to its capitalism.
Now, as you all would know, nearly more than half of US advisory board is made up of Jews. The banks, since the age of time when banks are born, Jews are the one who created the interest-system, a small injection of money in the economy will roll back in triple fold; a fold comes from the money itself, but it'll take time, another fold comes from the interest, and another fold comes from the gains made by the investment made by the injection of capital.
To them, its a win-win situation.
But take a look at this. It was reported in the news that in this crisis, in fact, ISLAMIC banks are not affected at all. Why is this so?
This is because Islamic banks do not play interest, or riba'.
In fact, Islamic banking is at rise.
So I can view the whole scene into two simple scenario-
1)It is a US-led conspiracy in ruling the world, by taking over the economy, for now the US govt has mandate and rule over the economy after injecting billions of dollars to 'save' the economy. With a Jew-backed advisory committee, and infering to the Sept 11 attacks where statistic showed a sudden absence of Jews in the two towers on that fateful day only, I can only conclude theoritically and hypothetically that perhaps US govt has a hidden agenda with respect to all the things that has happened.
2) It is God's willed that nearing kiamah, Islam will take control of the economy, which will bring rise to the birth of a new Islamic revolution led by Imam Mahdi and the return of Prophet Isa A.S as promised by the book of Allah, the Holy Quran.
So now let us look at the economy and the world and see how it goes.
Salam Ai'd Fitri Minal A'idiwal fa'izin.
PS: I love this song! Truly Oasis! Live forever mate!!
Hari Raya has been a quiet event for me this year, maybe because of having a shift job that killed my weekends spontaneously. Today is my SECOND raya outing with my parents since first day of raya. How pathetic is that!
Kinda missed the spiritual feeling of raya. It only lasted 2 days before back to the labs with Chinese dudes honkering loud characters at my face.
So to me Hari Raya this year can be compared to two years back, when I was in Taiwan celebrating raya there, but the feeling only lasted 2 days before Ex Warrior commenced. So I have no choice but to focus my energy for the grueling 8-9 days in outfield doing nothing but walking in the cold blistering night and fight an endless battle with non-existing enemies. Although I must say Uncle Fadly did made it special, with his cool new CANON camera! He takes pictures of me like a model say hehe. :p and I also got to take a picture with nenek!
Pardon my nyaee, she's very emotional when it comes to taking pictures, she'd say like, tak tau plak biler nyaee nak mati, nanti amie boleh tatap muka nyaee kalau rindu nyaee yer...
Hensem tak abang2 nie? Kalau hensem, bleh masok minang pasal skrg gue sudah masok 21 beb! I have a Nikah certificate already, so I have the knowledge too! Haha! The downside would be I have no money for the dowry, sorry, but I can offer you my koran buruk if u want hehe..I had fun learning japanese! They have 3 languages sey, but well, since I NEED to learn it, NOT cuz of the girls but tts just a partially influential factor, but because of the prospects, I have to go thru it man. Damn its tough learning a new language. Its not like learning maths- tts so practical. Language however, needs alot of holistic approach to it. It carries the notion of culture, understanding, technical essence, and many more. Often did we realise tt when a Caucasian professor with a major in Malay studies sounds funny when they speak our language, much of it applies to me as well. And im more worried of how I'd sound like rather than actually learning how to converse. Darn.
Much of my time is spent on either housework with baby Arfan keep crying, or helping mum with the house, or work, or....
DFS SOCCER TOURNAMENT!!!!
Well, we won! DFS SCOTT TEAM WON!!
Guess who is the bugger who got the man of the match title, and a 80 bux worth of DFS cash voucher?
Me.
Hahaha! I dun even see myself playing that well, but out of the 3 matches that was played, I scored 3. Makes me the top scorer as well. But still, a yellow card from arguing with a Mat-player playing for DFS Airport cud be a minus point, however still, I got tt cash voucher and damn im H.A.P.P.Y!!
First match was with the old timers at DFS warehouse. Many of them were old gags. At first I was tasked to be the left winger in the 8-aside game, though I still prefer the nice comfortable right postion. First half was gruelling- old timers cannot be judge lightly. They may look old, but their spirit is young. They pressured the game, and took control most of it. But we scored first, thanks to Usop, my collegue, who played the playmaker. They scored back. However, 10 min to final whistle, i switch to the right, and played one-two passing with Usop, and as I ran thru the middle and back to the right, the defender got confused, and a nice chip from Usop gave me the chance for a volley pass the outstretched goallie. And 3 min till end game, I gave a fruitful long shot from the left, and the ball soared into the net. It was luck plus good timing- I saw the keeper not in position to catch a strong punch to the right corner post. So I just gave it a try. Haha!
2nd match was disastrous! I was unable to find my spot as I was shadowed by the likes of Airport Mat-players, few whom understaood the meaning of sportmanship. I subbed myself towards the end of first half, cursing myself for not able to find space. We conceded two goals, and lost.
the 3rd match however, was very spirited. This is because if we were to win this match against DFS Chai Chee, we are champions. So we started strong, and I was given the right wing to play with Usop and james.
A nice visioned pass from Usop gave me the space to run to the right and cross the ball in, only to found the ball at the back of the net thanks to James our striker. And at the end of first half, I scored another goal after a counter attack, and I easily ran pass this middle aged defender and shot my goal. Second half we played defensive, and I was subbed with a stronger bigger guy. Haha! And well, the referee blowed the whistle, and we won! Whee!
I played good, and felt that I could even be compared to Theo Walcott, since I was wearing the no 14 jersey. Hehe. Chey! Macam betol je. Lari sikit je mintak air, nak steb Walcott konon..
Ok enough with my crap. Lets discuss real matters.
Im not sure but im researching on the reasons that led to the downfall of the economy. Sub prima loans, and many other factors made giant banks facing big loans as well, and in the end, they face bankruptcy. The shares when down, and Allied US countries felt the pain instantaneous. Take a look at Germany. Large firms and banks closed down. Japanese insurance agencies (hope Mika isn't affected bohoo) too took the deep. Asian economy fluctuates, as it has influences with the US economy.
Now I have a question for you. Does it sound a bit too exaggerated?
Things began to unfold eversince the September 11 attacks. It has led to the Afghan war, which has led them to nowhere, and now that country is at war with militia and in ruins, and also the Iraq war, where they couldn't find the sensationalised 'WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION', and until now, the issue of how US takes his own decisions in 'helping' the world community raised alot of unanswered questions. And now the economy.
It all started when I read that the US government actually bought a large percentage of AIG, and injected billions to so-called 'save' the economy. So far, whenever US tries to be the hero, things went from bad to worse. And since when did US showed the capacity to be a hero?
When the US govt bought a large share of the capitalism-driven economy, that means they have absolute power in the economy. They do not need to rely on capitalists- they hold a large share, and thus, they have a larger role in the stakes. As such, they have control over the economy. I must put emphasize on the US govt having control of the economy now as compared to before, when US hold a large influence on the world economy due to its capitalism.
Now, as you all would know, nearly more than half of US advisory board is made up of Jews. The banks, since the age of time when banks are born, Jews are the one who created the interest-system, a small injection of money in the economy will roll back in triple fold; a fold comes from the money itself, but it'll take time, another fold comes from the interest, and another fold comes from the gains made by the investment made by the injection of capital.
To them, its a win-win situation.
But take a look at this. It was reported in the news that in this crisis, in fact, ISLAMIC banks are not affected at all. Why is this so?
This is because Islamic banks do not play interest, or riba'.
In fact, Islamic banking is at rise.
So I can view the whole scene into two simple scenario-
1)It is a US-led conspiracy in ruling the world, by taking over the economy, for now the US govt has mandate and rule over the economy after injecting billions of dollars to 'save' the economy. With a Jew-backed advisory committee, and infering to the Sept 11 attacks where statistic showed a sudden absence of Jews in the two towers on that fateful day only, I can only conclude theoritically and hypothetically that perhaps US govt has a hidden agenda with respect to all the things that has happened.
2) It is God's willed that nearing kiamah, Islam will take control of the economy, which will bring rise to the birth of a new Islamic revolution led by Imam Mahdi and the return of Prophet Isa A.S as promised by the book of Allah, the Holy Quran.
So now let us look at the economy and the world and see how it goes.
Salam Ai'd Fitri Minal A'idiwal fa'izin.
PS: I love this song! Truly Oasis! Live forever mate!!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
A ramadhan to remember
As the end of Ramadhan drews nearer, the gates of the world starts to open. I have isolated myself from people, from friends, from habits, from evil deeds, for the whole month.
It is time I apply it after Ramadhan.
And my heart is at peace, after going through turmoils and turmoils of that 18 september. It is fresh in my memory still, but after spending a quiet time with myself on my birthday, I find it yet another successful attempt by myself in moving forward from this state of emptiness. It is amazing how a sunset at esplanade riverside can do to a person like me who is undergoing a major paradigm shift in life. I tried going against it, forgetting it, and many other means, but I have discovered that it is only within thyself; the ability to understand and accept the shortcomings of my own, the setbacks, and the reason behind all that has happened, the function of the reason, and ultimately, the purpose of the function, that has the power to heal.
Ramadhan proved yet again to be the best of periods amongst the many periods in a year. Alhamdulilah. By meditating in the dark, I can see myself in amidst of Allah's creation, and finally, as I closed my eyes to the nothingness, I see myself empty. Only that existed in my heart was our Lord, even His name vanquished. All I could feel is the comfort of being under His Mercy.
Now I can roughly protect my heart from unwanted criticism on people. Usually when I take the public transport via MRT, when I see punks and minahs and mats, I'd have negative thoughts on them. Same goes to latecomers during Friday Prayers.
Just now as I was rushing to pray, my mum had to ask me to take care of baby arfan first as she needed to take a quick shower. I was like, oh God im gonna be late.
When I reached the mosque, the khutbah was nearly at end, and as I stood at the doorway, holding my hands up high to doa, people at the 2nd floor stared at me. It was an uncomfortable stare- I know I was late. But I had a reason. So it opened my eyes to the faults I did before.
Do not judge people to quickly. In fact, judge yourself.
Ustaz Abu Zaki once said if i cud recall, kalau nampak org, kene pagar hati dari berkata2, tepis sangkaan buruk yg menjelma, dan kutuk diri sendiri, dan doa kepada Allah.
I think Ramadhan has made me into a better person. I saw the punks in the MRT, and I quickly told my heart, that they are better than me- my sins are far more heavier in Allah's eyes as compared to them cuz they are still young. They do not know, but I know. And I still act upon myself, all the sins that was already forewarned by Allah. I am a bad person. Perhaps even, when they grow older, they'd change to be someone better than me, and that when I die, these are the people who are gonna pray for me.
And I can feel the sacrifices of mum and dad. I recently spent 200 bux just on decoration purposes in IKEA last week. I was kinda pissed at it since my pay is quite low, and I sense there is a dire need to save up for university next year. I complained to my dad about it, hoping to get a few reimbursement, but instead my dad simply replied," That is nothing compared to years and years I have invested on bringing all of my beloved children up."
I went silent. After all these years I have failed to see myself as a small shrimp in this big ocean.
So I put a niat that I have given alms to my family, to help them. It was an ikhlas attempt to train my heart.
Alhamdulillah, recently I received a letter about the GST credit, and I got 275 bux. So God has given back something, and even more. Furthermore, Im receiving my monthly pay on Hari Raya itself. And Allah has granted me health such that I did not fall sick and so I have not taken any unpaid leaves. That means a full month pay!
I am at peace. I see Allah shaping me. Previously I was saddened about God's decision to not let me enter university dis year, however, instead, I gain so much more this year. I can see where my ship is heading. Allah wants me to be a better person, He gave me a year to gain experience. Life experience. Job experience. Multi-language opportunities. Alhamdulillah. :)
I found myself, and right now Alhamdulillah I know my strengths and weaknesses.
And I recently made contact with someone dearest to my heart, a human soul by the name of Hamizan- the most kind-hearted person I have ever met in my whole life. Recent events turned our friendship upside down, but now after asking forgiveness on my bdae, I told myself, her passing was a curse, but there is a gift in disguise. Alhamdulillah.
Everything happens for a reason, it is true.
And to top it all of, I received a long awaited email from a dear friend. And it really made me so happy.
It is time I apply it after Ramadhan.
And my heart is at peace, after going through turmoils and turmoils of that 18 september. It is fresh in my memory still, but after spending a quiet time with myself on my birthday, I find it yet another successful attempt by myself in moving forward from this state of emptiness. It is amazing how a sunset at esplanade riverside can do to a person like me who is undergoing a major paradigm shift in life. I tried going against it, forgetting it, and many other means, but I have discovered that it is only within thyself; the ability to understand and accept the shortcomings of my own, the setbacks, and the reason behind all that has happened, the function of the reason, and ultimately, the purpose of the function, that has the power to heal.
Ramadhan proved yet again to be the best of periods amongst the many periods in a year. Alhamdulilah. By meditating in the dark, I can see myself in amidst of Allah's creation, and finally, as I closed my eyes to the nothingness, I see myself empty. Only that existed in my heart was our Lord, even His name vanquished. All I could feel is the comfort of being under His Mercy.
Now I can roughly protect my heart from unwanted criticism on people. Usually when I take the public transport via MRT, when I see punks and minahs and mats, I'd have negative thoughts on them. Same goes to latecomers during Friday Prayers.
Just now as I was rushing to pray, my mum had to ask me to take care of baby arfan first as she needed to take a quick shower. I was like, oh God im gonna be late.
When I reached the mosque, the khutbah was nearly at end, and as I stood at the doorway, holding my hands up high to doa, people at the 2nd floor stared at me. It was an uncomfortable stare- I know I was late. But I had a reason. So it opened my eyes to the faults I did before.
Do not judge people to quickly. In fact, judge yourself.
Ustaz Abu Zaki once said if i cud recall, kalau nampak org, kene pagar hati dari berkata2, tepis sangkaan buruk yg menjelma, dan kutuk diri sendiri, dan doa kepada Allah.
I think Ramadhan has made me into a better person. I saw the punks in the MRT, and I quickly told my heart, that they are better than me- my sins are far more heavier in Allah's eyes as compared to them cuz they are still young. They do not know, but I know. And I still act upon myself, all the sins that was already forewarned by Allah. I am a bad person. Perhaps even, when they grow older, they'd change to be someone better than me, and that when I die, these are the people who are gonna pray for me.
And I can feel the sacrifices of mum and dad. I recently spent 200 bux just on decoration purposes in IKEA last week. I was kinda pissed at it since my pay is quite low, and I sense there is a dire need to save up for university next year. I complained to my dad about it, hoping to get a few reimbursement, but instead my dad simply replied," That is nothing compared to years and years I have invested on bringing all of my beloved children up."
I went silent. After all these years I have failed to see myself as a small shrimp in this big ocean.
So I put a niat that I have given alms to my family, to help them. It was an ikhlas attempt to train my heart.
Alhamdulillah, recently I received a letter about the GST credit, and I got 275 bux. So God has given back something, and even more. Furthermore, Im receiving my monthly pay on Hari Raya itself. And Allah has granted me health such that I did not fall sick and so I have not taken any unpaid leaves. That means a full month pay!
I am at peace. I see Allah shaping me. Previously I was saddened about God's decision to not let me enter university dis year, however, instead, I gain so much more this year. I can see where my ship is heading. Allah wants me to be a better person, He gave me a year to gain experience. Life experience. Job experience. Multi-language opportunities. Alhamdulillah. :)
I found myself, and right now Alhamdulillah I know my strengths and weaknesses.
And I recently made contact with someone dearest to my heart, a human soul by the name of Hamizan- the most kind-hearted person I have ever met in my whole life. Recent events turned our friendship upside down, but now after asking forgiveness on my bdae, I told myself, her passing was a curse, but there is a gift in disguise. Alhamdulillah.
Everything happens for a reason, it is true.
And to top it all of, I received a long awaited email from a dear friend. And it really made me so happy.
Finally I got her picture haha! Mika. You are so simply interesting.
and she is already showing off the pictures I given her to her parents. She wrote in the email, that she boasted my pictures to her parents. Puzzled, I asked why. She replied that I was the first guy she emailed to, the first foreign guy she has ever had, and to make it even better, she likes chocolate-coloured skin guys like me. Hehehe.
on hari raya, it'll be our first video call. Cannot wait! Yata!!
PS: This song is hailed as the best song Oasis has ever produced. 13th October will be the day of reign and celebration for Oasiscoholic fans like me.
DIG YOUR SOUL OUT mates!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
A birthday without you
Happy birthday to me.
And i can still clearly hear your voice in my ear, as I could remember, that moment when you wanted us to talk until the clock struck midnight, just to say Happy Birthday to me.
Im 21 now.
A full adult.
Now as I look upon the world with my eyes, all I can see is you.
You meaning love.
And so today marks the first step, the first milestone, in spreading your love to the world.
On the 25th of September, year 2008, as I reach my prime age of adulthood, I would see the world in a new perspective. Gone were the days of bgr, monkey love, stupid pranks, childish remarks. I must change, to be a wise man. To be able to lead my family, and myself, in search of Allah's grace.
It feels strange, to celebrate my birthday in this solemn atmosphere. Perhaps I kept comparing to what i received last year. You gave me all of your attention in a single day. And now, I can remember it for the rest of my life. How strong the impact is eh. To be able to share what I really feel with someone so close. And all you would say, is, 'Its gonna be ok, haz. Im here. I will go thru it with you, no matter how hard it is. Muacks.'
And the card you gave me. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. I kept looking at it, hoping to hear a slight blur of your voice in my head, of how you'd sound like if you were to say it in my face, with that smile, and that sincerity.
It feels strange, to celebrate my birthday in this sadness. This is because im living with the knowledge that it will happen only once in my life, and that it can never happen again.
I heard this phrase before somewhere.
"You live once. You die once. You love once."
I have lived once. I will die soon. But have I loved you once?
I think I do.
The author is reminising the days when he celebrated his birthday in Ramadhan last year with Dian, and he received his 20 suprises. And the best of all, it was that phrase she keep saying to him, until I fell asleep, until 25th September 2007 became nothing more than a memory. And he is celebrating it in a quiet trance by himself, hoping to look back at what he has done, his past mistakes, his flaws and weaknesses, that shaped him to what he is now. The author thinks that death actually comes like a blessing in disguise.
She kept saying.
"I love you, bie. Forever."
Indeed.
Cuz if have to go,
in my heart you'll grow
That's where you belong.
And i can still clearly hear your voice in my ear, as I could remember, that moment when you wanted us to talk until the clock struck midnight, just to say Happy Birthday to me.
Im 21 now.
A full adult.
Now as I look upon the world with my eyes, all I can see is you.
You meaning love.
And so today marks the first step, the first milestone, in spreading your love to the world.
On the 25th of September, year 2008, as I reach my prime age of adulthood, I would see the world in a new perspective. Gone were the days of bgr, monkey love, stupid pranks, childish remarks. I must change, to be a wise man. To be able to lead my family, and myself, in search of Allah's grace.
It feels strange, to celebrate my birthday in this solemn atmosphere. Perhaps I kept comparing to what i received last year. You gave me all of your attention in a single day. And now, I can remember it for the rest of my life. How strong the impact is eh. To be able to share what I really feel with someone so close. And all you would say, is, 'Its gonna be ok, haz. Im here. I will go thru it with you, no matter how hard it is. Muacks.'
And the card you gave me. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. I kept looking at it, hoping to hear a slight blur of your voice in my head, of how you'd sound like if you were to say it in my face, with that smile, and that sincerity.
It feels strange, to celebrate my birthday in this sadness. This is because im living with the knowledge that it will happen only once in my life, and that it can never happen again.
I heard this phrase before somewhere.
"You live once. You die once. You love once."
I have lived once. I will die soon. But have I loved you once?
I think I do.
The author is reminising the days when he celebrated his birthday in Ramadhan last year with Dian, and he received his 20 suprises. And the best of all, it was that phrase she keep saying to him, until I fell asleep, until 25th September 2007 became nothing more than a memory. And he is celebrating it in a quiet trance by himself, hoping to look back at what he has done, his past mistakes, his flaws and weaknesses, that shaped him to what he is now. The author thinks that death actually comes like a blessing in disguise.
She kept saying.
"I love you, bie. Forever."
Indeed.
Cuz if have to go,
in my heart you'll grow
That's where you belong.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Im outta time
This is a song from the newest oasis album, Dig Out Your Soul.
It is so soulful.
And it brings life to my empty nut.
As I ponder on the things that I've done wrong in this life. So many. So many unheard and heard.
Is God truly merciful? And only through this painful testimony shall I try and erase the sins that I've done. I must dedicate myself to the goodness of this life.
Does everybody deserve a second chance?
Im just scared that the kifarah would be a test that I can't bear. I am really shameful of myself. I am a bad person. I do not deserve paradise.
But I do not want to go to Hell either.
So how actually does a human spirit achieves God's Grace?
Does it fall under the term, submit? Submit can be a simple word, but to act upon such notion would be implausible. I see myself not able to submit fully. There are so many sins that I did. And I should be aware of it. Many of it I was aware off, but fail to stop.
Why is this so? Is this because my heart is darkened by years and years of unclean actions and thoughts? Is my mirror that tainted and dirty, until I can't even see myself in the mirror?
I can only see my own shadow. Grim and dead.
Oh Allah, bless me with your Grace. Have mercy on me. Have mercy. I beg you.
I am tortured by this guilt.
So do I deserve Lailatul qadar? I try my best to do good things, but in the end, the bad things always overcome the good deeds that I did. It can never be enough.
So does this thought, supports the notion of the relation to submit?
Submit. Hmm. To give my all, to the omnipotent being..
Must try.
PS:
If I'm to fall
Would you be there to applaud
Or would you hide behind them all
Because If I am to go
In my heart you grow
And that's where you belong
Its as though dian is whispering to me this very words. Sigh.
And thanks Wanpee. I do remember the incident in the bunk. And you were there for me. No words nor actions can ever replace such brotherhood. You are indeed a friend. Pray for me.
Cuz if I die, a good friend won't cry over my death, but instead, pray for me. And that is what I hope to achieve. To help others, so in turn when I die, people would pray for me. Its gonna be cold and dark in there.
It is so soulful.
And it brings life to my empty nut.
As I ponder on the things that I've done wrong in this life. So many. So many unheard and heard.
Is God truly merciful? And only through this painful testimony shall I try and erase the sins that I've done. I must dedicate myself to the goodness of this life.
Does everybody deserve a second chance?
Im just scared that the kifarah would be a test that I can't bear. I am really shameful of myself. I am a bad person. I do not deserve paradise.
But I do not want to go to Hell either.
So how actually does a human spirit achieves God's Grace?
Does it fall under the term, submit? Submit can be a simple word, but to act upon such notion would be implausible. I see myself not able to submit fully. There are so many sins that I did. And I should be aware of it. Many of it I was aware off, but fail to stop.
Why is this so? Is this because my heart is darkened by years and years of unclean actions and thoughts? Is my mirror that tainted and dirty, until I can't even see myself in the mirror?
I can only see my own shadow. Grim and dead.
Oh Allah, bless me with your Grace. Have mercy on me. Have mercy. I beg you.
I am tortured by this guilt.
So do I deserve Lailatul qadar? I try my best to do good things, but in the end, the bad things always overcome the good deeds that I did. It can never be enough.
So does this thought, supports the notion of the relation to submit?
Submit. Hmm. To give my all, to the omnipotent being..
Must try.
PS:
If I'm to fall
Would you be there to applaud
Or would you hide behind them all
Because If I am to go
In my heart you grow
And that's where you belong
Its as though dian is whispering to me this very words. Sigh.
And thanks Wanpee. I do remember the incident in the bunk. And you were there for me. No words nor actions can ever replace such brotherhood. You are indeed a friend. Pray for me.
Cuz if I die, a good friend won't cry over my death, but instead, pray for me. And that is what I hope to achieve. To help others, so in turn when I die, people would pray for me. Its gonna be cold and dark in there.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I can't seem to put it all away. I have a very strong migraine, preventing me from slumber. And I kept seeing u in my mind.
I made up my mind.
I shall wait for you.
Till the end, remember dian? till the end.
Now I shall spread your love to the world, and remain as faithful as I can for you.
I try. I must.
I made up my mind.
I shall wait for you.
Till the end, remember dian? till the end.
Now I shall spread your love to the world, and remain as faithful as I can for you.
I try. I must.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Happy Birthday
Happy birthday dian.
I cannot stop crying. I just miss you so much. So so much. so much. so so so much.
I feel so alone. I feel so so alone.
No more of your sweet words. Ever again.
No more of your smiles. No more. No more at all.
I feel so alone. I feel so much pain. You are gone forever, and all I could do is just think about you.
About how both you and I in our little cottage with a garden of roses. No more, no more.
How can you be gone, when you are in my heart.........................
Dian.
I love you.
And I will always love you.
My little princess. My little baby duck. My dian.
Happy 19th birthday my sweet baby.
sigh.
PS: Tak akan, terganti. Setiap kenangan yang telah terukir.
This song is for us. What I feel is what this song is saying. Exactly. Word by word.
sigh. Sampai kapankah aku mampu bertahan...
I cannot stop crying. I just miss you so much. So so much. so much. so so so much.
I feel so alone. I feel so so alone.
No more of your sweet words. Ever again.
No more of your smiles. No more. No more at all.
I feel so alone. I feel so much pain. You are gone forever, and all I could do is just think about you.
About how both you and I in our little cottage with a garden of roses. No more, no more.
How can you be gone, when you are in my heart.........................
Dian.
I love you.
And I will always love you.
My little princess. My little baby duck. My dian.
Happy 19th birthday my sweet baby.
sigh.
PS: Tak akan, terganti. Setiap kenangan yang telah terukir.
This song is for us. What I feel is what this song is saying. Exactly. Word by word.
sigh. Sampai kapankah aku mampu bertahan...
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
tomorrow
Tomorrow is the 18th September.
Tomorrow is the day my heart will start to break and crumble all over again.
Tomorrow is the day the memories will rush in like a dam releasing the power of the river.
Tomorrow is the day of regret and remorse.
Tomorrow is the day I'll throw myself in the shadows of guilt.
Tomorrow is the day I'll remember myself as a murderer.
Tomorrow is the day I celebrate our 1 year, 5 months, and 2 days of our forbidden love.
Tomorrow is the day I'll remember your voice that resonates and touches my hard soul.
That soft, cheery voice that is long gone.
That laughter which always creates a smile on my face.
That cries of help whenever you're in pain.
That soft tears of love whenever you miss me so much.
I cannot face tomorrow alone. And every letter that I typed out now holds the very tears im weeping, trying to face the death of a beloved soul.
A soul that changed my life for the better. A soul that opened my eyes to the inevitable. That there won't be anymore of you, ever again.
Ever again.
Why is it so hard to let it all go, oh Allah.........
Why do I keep crying everytime I think of her, oh Ar-Rahman..
Why can't I face the truth, ya Rahim....
I know you love her oh Allah, but her love is still with me, and it is overwhelming, that everytime I see the rain drops falling from the sky, I see her in the skies, crying for the world...
Dian..
Kau memang tercipta untukku.
sigh.
Tomorrow is the day my heart will start to break and crumble all over again.
Tomorrow is the day the memories will rush in like a dam releasing the power of the river.
Tomorrow is the day of regret and remorse.
Tomorrow is the day I'll throw myself in the shadows of guilt.
Tomorrow is the day I'll remember myself as a murderer.
Tomorrow is the day I celebrate our 1 year, 5 months, and 2 days of our forbidden love.
Tomorrow is the day I'll remember your voice that resonates and touches my hard soul.
That soft, cheery voice that is long gone.
That laughter which always creates a smile on my face.
That cries of help whenever you're in pain.
That soft tears of love whenever you miss me so much.
I cannot face tomorrow alone. And every letter that I typed out now holds the very tears im weeping, trying to face the death of a beloved soul.
A soul that changed my life for the better. A soul that opened my eyes to the inevitable. That there won't be anymore of you, ever again.
Ever again.
Why is it so hard to let it all go, oh Allah.........
Why do I keep crying everytime I think of her, oh Ar-Rahman..
Why can't I face the truth, ya Rahim....
I know you love her oh Allah, but her love is still with me, and it is overwhelming, that everytime I see the rain drops falling from the sky, I see her in the skies, crying for the world...
Dian..
Kau memang tercipta untukku.
sigh.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Japanese mania
Just after making the previous post, perhaps God is listening to my woes of not having much of an interesting week, interesting events began to unfold the past two days.
Let me tell you the story.
It was 7.55pm, and I was at the arrival hall, filling up the empty space with the CUP/NETS promotion guy, waiting for any SAYONARA shopping groups to make an entrance. I was talking, as usual, to the promoter, a nice casual chinese guy, about MIOplan and the conspiracy of how I can actually take over DFS much to his amusement, when two sad-looking nervous-wrecking pretty-smelling jap girls came up to me. As per normal, I greet them.
"Konbanwa!", I said with a smile on my face. My smile was exceptional there, they say over at DFS that my smile is baby-like, and even the General Manager noticed it and was talking abt it to my Manager.
They smiled, and then they say in japanese, I cannot decipher much of it, but I try to understand what they are trying to say. They say something about how they got left by the group, and they showed me their tour schedule, and they wrote bits of english words like, PROBLEM, PLANE, 2355HRS, LOST, SCARED, MISS.
So I was like, ok. Calm down, I promise I help. So I made a lot of calls. Called their HIS agent, and I was referred to many agents, but at last I called my so-called 'girlfriend' Ms Lincy Kwan, a 35yearold Jap Tour Agent who was willing to look up to HQ to search their name.
They were in luck. And so HIS is picking them up at DFS at nine pm.
Haha, so I told them in Jap, like this,"I guess Superman has saved you. They picking you up at nine."
They were so happy, and I even offered them to carry their luggage to the luggage counter, and asked them to collect their bag at nine.
So feeling satisfied helping a customer, I went to GST counter, following my time table.
I sat there alone, thinking of how I should do more, to make my service better. Perhaps communication is at lack. And thus I made a vital promise to myself to take up Japanese Language as the next language, putting aside Arab.
And suddenly, I saw them walking towards me, and they say they were looking for me, and they bought me a box of Godiva chocolates. How sweet! and so I say la, "Beautiful girls from heaven come to give me a gift. So nice."
They introduced themselves, Mika Yamauchi and Satoko Shimada. Both are living in Tokyo, Japan. And they offered me to come to Japan to hang out with them. They gave me their email address, and asked me to email them, keep in touch. And the best part of all, Mika gave me a fleeting kiss!
Goodness, in RAMADHAN?! Bergegar iman aku. But I knew it was just a friendly one. So when they are about to leave, I bid them farewell, and Mika say something in broken English, like, Thank you, I love you.
Hahahahaha. I don't think they really understand the context of that phrase in Singapore.
But nevertheless.
As you can see, I intentionally covered the writings of dear Mika's email add and her friend. And yesterday I also receive a bunch of goody Japanese sweet snacks from another Japanese girl. Hahaha. What a life. I am beginning to enjoy this work.
Im soo going to Tokyo. Next year dude!
Oh shit, baby Arfan is crying. Gotta go!
Look at his big juicy yummy voluptuous cheeks! hehehe..
Let me tell you the story.
It was 7.55pm, and I was at the arrival hall, filling up the empty space with the CUP/NETS promotion guy, waiting for any SAYONARA shopping groups to make an entrance. I was talking, as usual, to the promoter, a nice casual chinese guy, about MIOplan and the conspiracy of how I can actually take over DFS much to his amusement, when two sad-looking nervous-wrecking pretty-smelling jap girls came up to me. As per normal, I greet them.
"Konbanwa!", I said with a smile on my face. My smile was exceptional there, they say over at DFS that my smile is baby-like, and even the General Manager noticed it and was talking abt it to my Manager.
They smiled, and then they say in japanese, I cannot decipher much of it, but I try to understand what they are trying to say. They say something about how they got left by the group, and they showed me their tour schedule, and they wrote bits of english words like, PROBLEM, PLANE, 2355HRS, LOST, SCARED, MISS.
So I was like, ok. Calm down, I promise I help. So I made a lot of calls. Called their HIS agent, and I was referred to many agents, but at last I called my so-called 'girlfriend' Ms Lincy Kwan, a 35yearold Jap Tour Agent who was willing to look up to HQ to search their name.
They were in luck. And so HIS is picking them up at DFS at nine pm.
Haha, so I told them in Jap, like this,"I guess Superman has saved you. They picking you up at nine."
They were so happy, and I even offered them to carry their luggage to the luggage counter, and asked them to collect their bag at nine.
So feeling satisfied helping a customer, I went to GST counter, following my time table.
I sat there alone, thinking of how I should do more, to make my service better. Perhaps communication is at lack. And thus I made a vital promise to myself to take up Japanese Language as the next language, putting aside Arab.
And suddenly, I saw them walking towards me, and they say they were looking for me, and they bought me a box of Godiva chocolates. How sweet! and so I say la, "Beautiful girls from heaven come to give me a gift. So nice."
They introduced themselves, Mika Yamauchi and Satoko Shimada. Both are living in Tokyo, Japan. And they offered me to come to Japan to hang out with them. They gave me their email address, and asked me to email them, keep in touch. And the best part of all, Mika gave me a fleeting kiss!
Goodness, in RAMADHAN?! Bergegar iman aku. But I knew it was just a friendly one. So when they are about to leave, I bid them farewell, and Mika say something in broken English, like, Thank you, I love you.
Hahahahaha. I don't think they really understand the context of that phrase in Singapore.
But nevertheless.
As you can see, I intentionally covered the writings of dear Mika's email add and her friend. And yesterday I also receive a bunch of goody Japanese sweet snacks from another Japanese girl. Hahaha. What a life. I am beginning to enjoy this work.
Im soo going to Tokyo. Next year dude!
Oh shit, baby Arfan is crying. Gotta go!
Look at his big juicy yummy voluptuous cheeks! hehehe..
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Life in DFS
I got to admit, time pass very fast the moment my life is filled up with work. There isn't any interesting things happening, so I guess tt's the reason why I don't actually blog much. Most of the stuff I think about happen in the 190 bus on my way to work, or im stoning in that cold relentless air-con driven arrival hall waiting to greet the hordes of PRC and Japanese people.
I keep walking past the swatch department, looking at that lil piece of assortment called watch, which cost a whoopping 316 bux. With my staff disct, I still need to pay at least 200bux. Damn.
It hadn't been an interesting week. More indonesians are coming in DFS, and so my manager is pleased that im there helping to speak in their language. Its not tt hard actually.
Scanning cards, issue disct cards, do GST forms, report groups, nothing more than a bunch of systematic procedures. Gone were the days I actually fumbled the walkie talkie trying hard to remember what I need to say in order not to screw up.
Who works on SUNDAYS?!! Goodness. But im trying to hit the 3mth probation. And then im off for another adventure.
All I need is a surprise, and alot of randomness to fill in the empty cup of creativity of mine.
I keep walking past the swatch department, looking at that lil piece of assortment called watch, which cost a whoopping 316 bux. With my staff disct, I still need to pay at least 200bux. Damn.
It hadn't been an interesting week. More indonesians are coming in DFS, and so my manager is pleased that im there helping to speak in their language. Its not tt hard actually.
Scanning cards, issue disct cards, do GST forms, report groups, nothing more than a bunch of systematic procedures. Gone were the days I actually fumbled the walkie talkie trying hard to remember what I need to say in order not to screw up.
Who works on SUNDAYS?!! Goodness. But im trying to hit the 3mth probation. And then im off for another adventure.
All I need is a surprise, and alot of randomness to fill in the empty cup of creativity of mine.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Ramadhan, bulan yang suci
Ramadhan El-Mubarak my dear friends!
The month of forgiveness has arrived, full of blessing and rahmah. After having living in this world for 21 years, I have seen many who yet again fail to recognize the true essence of ramadhan, and of course, im in dismay of myself as well, for having picking up the notion of Ramadhan quite slow, that is to be totally honest, only began shortly after a scolding and a reminder by my beloved parents about the do's and don'ts of Ramadhan. And of course, hail and many salutations to those who feel the barakah of the month.
Priorities as such much change in accordance to my absolutely misleaded life.
As I sat reading the Quran in Al-Falah, awaiting patiently for the beautiful serenade of the azan, I pictured myself in the past, and a sudden rush of memories came flashing across my mind. Truly enough, I was misleaded, yet again. Army life snatched away my iman and islam, and much to my disappointment, the ikhsan that has been with me since my dad shared with me his view on the term, insan kamil, back when I was 16.
A difference between a muslim, and a mukmin, is 3 things. Islam, Iman, and ikhsan. And a mukmin is referred as insan kamil, a spirit that bears not single drop of tarnished sin, filled with light of Allah, and barakah of the Prophet SAW, and whatever he sees, feels, taste, touch, hear, are all Allah. In his everyday life, he thinks non but Allah, even the food that he eats, he sees Allah, he says.
I went weak all of a sudden. Allah has given me so much, yet I failed to see Him. I was blinded by dunia, the wealth of materials, company of friends, and comforts of life.
And as i watch my tears drop down, an African muallaf came up to me, and asked me nicely, why are you crying ya wallad.
I answered.
"My brother, I have strayed away from Allah. I do not deserve His forgiveness. I do not deserve a place in Paradise, nor did I want to be in Hellfire. I have done so many wrongdoings. I have commited so many acts of selfish ideas. I have not been praying constantly back then. I have been swayed by the pleasures of friends who too are blinded by dunia. I should have been a better person. I should have encouraged myself and my friends to do good."
He looked at me, his eyes covered with a thin layer of tears, and replied calmly.
"My friend, Allah is All Forgiving. And His Mercy overcomes His Wrath. He is always guiding you, as much as how he is guiding me. And only through the mistakes you make will you understanding the motive of Allah's actions against you. Its not the within, but within the within lies the truth. Don't be discourage. Keep istighfar. I assure you, the bad things that you have done, cannot match mine."
God has send me his words of wisdom through a stranger whom I knew little of his background. But nevertheless, I was enlightened.
Recent events took a toll on my Ramadhan. There has been spreaded misunderstandings between me and a few members. I apologise on my behalf, but surely I do have a reason in doing so.
I shall put it in a simplified way.
In order for one to be accepted in a certain structure, not just any structure, but a structure that bears connotations of purpose, the person must first be able to achieve the structure's purpose in a manner of individualism.
Meaning, if a person wants to join a Muslim organisation, he must instill in him the primary core values of a Muslim.
Same goes to the issue we are facing. I was wronged. But it is time that we all change for the better.
As I walked down that alley and saw the amount of Malay people not in the mosque but actually 'lepakking' and doing nothing but absolute rubbish, in Ramadhan, I noticed how it changed my perception on myself. I cannot deliver what you seek. For the priorities that you people hold differs with mine greatly.
On a lighter note, do bear in mind that it is not my wish to hurt anyone. But rest assured that I have never forgotten the sacrifices we went together as a team. It is time for as to take a paradigm shift.
Hijrah my friends. I am encouraging myself, and all of you, to move forward, and not just sit around doing nothing.
My notion of acting 'fruitfully' is- having achieved primary goals like bonding, and not to forget our religious obligations, for it is but mandatory for Muslims to prioritise his or her commitments wisely in Ramadan.
We must act now. Ramadhan comes once. Who knows I might not see the next one with you people. A friend once told me, that sometimes people are not ready to change, or accept a change.
Think of it, in this way.
You may not know when you are going to die. Rasulullah SAW once said, a wise man is a person who always think about death.
Blame it on secularism, for clouding our young minds with fear of death. In fact, a true muslim not like me, must embrace death, for only with death is the beginning of life. Eternal life that is.
So when you think of death, and you know there isn't any answer to exactly when are you going away, so will that push you to think that it is not but now to change?
Sudah menjadi lumrah kehidupan di dunia
Cabaran dan dugaan mendewasakan usia
Rintangan dilalui tambah pengalaman diri
Sudah sunnah ketetapan Ilahi
Deras arus dunia menghanyutkan yang terleka
Indah fatamorgana melalaikan menipu daya
Dikejar dicintai bak bayangan tak bertepi
Tiada sudahnya dunia yang dicari
Begitu indah dunia siapa pun kan tergoda
Harta, pangkat dan wanita melemahkan jiwa
Tanpa iman dalam hati kita kan dikuasai
Syaitan nafsu dalam diri musuh yang tersembunyi
Pulanglah kepada Tuhan cahaya kehidupan
Keimanan ketakwaan kepadanya senjata utama
So now I might be close in my search for my purpose in this life. Have you guys thought about yours? Or the purpose is but a mere insight of nothing but simplified laughter?
It is drastic. It is evil. But do evil for the greater good. Insya'allah, we will succeed.
Besides this, I have written on my scrap bk abt our Mua'lim, Muhammad SAW.
Its a short one, but I guess I have not been updating this blog. I will try to change the skin to a more, reader-friendly type, and few personal notations, but more of life and human behaviour, as per what I see.
"Ash hadu alla ila ha illah. Astaghfirullah. Nas alukal jannata wana'uzubika minannar."
"Allah huma innaka 'afurun tuhibbul afwa fa fu'an na."
Ya karim.
The month of forgiveness has arrived, full of blessing and rahmah. After having living in this world for 21 years, I have seen many who yet again fail to recognize the true essence of ramadhan, and of course, im in dismay of myself as well, for having picking up the notion of Ramadhan quite slow, that is to be totally honest, only began shortly after a scolding and a reminder by my beloved parents about the do's and don'ts of Ramadhan. And of course, hail and many salutations to those who feel the barakah of the month.
Priorities as such much change in accordance to my absolutely misleaded life.
As I sat reading the Quran in Al-Falah, awaiting patiently for the beautiful serenade of the azan, I pictured myself in the past, and a sudden rush of memories came flashing across my mind. Truly enough, I was misleaded, yet again. Army life snatched away my iman and islam, and much to my disappointment, the ikhsan that has been with me since my dad shared with me his view on the term, insan kamil, back when I was 16.
A difference between a muslim, and a mukmin, is 3 things. Islam, Iman, and ikhsan. And a mukmin is referred as insan kamil, a spirit that bears not single drop of tarnished sin, filled with light of Allah, and barakah of the Prophet SAW, and whatever he sees, feels, taste, touch, hear, are all Allah. In his everyday life, he thinks non but Allah, even the food that he eats, he sees Allah, he says.
I went weak all of a sudden. Allah has given me so much, yet I failed to see Him. I was blinded by dunia, the wealth of materials, company of friends, and comforts of life.
And as i watch my tears drop down, an African muallaf came up to me, and asked me nicely, why are you crying ya wallad.
I answered.
"My brother, I have strayed away from Allah. I do not deserve His forgiveness. I do not deserve a place in Paradise, nor did I want to be in Hellfire. I have done so many wrongdoings. I have commited so many acts of selfish ideas. I have not been praying constantly back then. I have been swayed by the pleasures of friends who too are blinded by dunia. I should have been a better person. I should have encouraged myself and my friends to do good."
He looked at me, his eyes covered with a thin layer of tears, and replied calmly.
"My friend, Allah is All Forgiving. And His Mercy overcomes His Wrath. He is always guiding you, as much as how he is guiding me. And only through the mistakes you make will you understanding the motive of Allah's actions against you. Its not the within, but within the within lies the truth. Don't be discourage. Keep istighfar. I assure you, the bad things that you have done, cannot match mine."
God has send me his words of wisdom through a stranger whom I knew little of his background. But nevertheless, I was enlightened.
Recent events took a toll on my Ramadhan. There has been spreaded misunderstandings between me and a few members. I apologise on my behalf, but surely I do have a reason in doing so.
I shall put it in a simplified way.
In order for one to be accepted in a certain structure, not just any structure, but a structure that bears connotations of purpose, the person must first be able to achieve the structure's purpose in a manner of individualism.
Meaning, if a person wants to join a Muslim organisation, he must instill in him the primary core values of a Muslim.
Same goes to the issue we are facing. I was wronged. But it is time that we all change for the better.
As I walked down that alley and saw the amount of Malay people not in the mosque but actually 'lepakking' and doing nothing but absolute rubbish, in Ramadhan, I noticed how it changed my perception on myself. I cannot deliver what you seek. For the priorities that you people hold differs with mine greatly.
On a lighter note, do bear in mind that it is not my wish to hurt anyone. But rest assured that I have never forgotten the sacrifices we went together as a team. It is time for as to take a paradigm shift.
Hijrah my friends. I am encouraging myself, and all of you, to move forward, and not just sit around doing nothing.
My notion of acting 'fruitfully' is- having achieved primary goals like bonding, and not to forget our religious obligations, for it is but mandatory for Muslims to prioritise his or her commitments wisely in Ramadan.
We must act now. Ramadhan comes once. Who knows I might not see the next one with you people. A friend once told me, that sometimes people are not ready to change, or accept a change.
Think of it, in this way.
You may not know when you are going to die. Rasulullah SAW once said, a wise man is a person who always think about death.
Blame it on secularism, for clouding our young minds with fear of death. In fact, a true muslim not like me, must embrace death, for only with death is the beginning of life. Eternal life that is.
So when you think of death, and you know there isn't any answer to exactly when are you going away, so will that push you to think that it is not but now to change?
Sudah menjadi lumrah kehidupan di dunia
Cabaran dan dugaan mendewasakan usia
Rintangan dilalui tambah pengalaman diri
Sudah sunnah ketetapan Ilahi
Deras arus dunia menghanyutkan yang terleka
Indah fatamorgana melalaikan menipu daya
Dikejar dicintai bak bayangan tak bertepi
Tiada sudahnya dunia yang dicari
Begitu indah dunia siapa pun kan tergoda
Harta, pangkat dan wanita melemahkan jiwa
Tanpa iman dalam hati kita kan dikuasai
Syaitan nafsu dalam diri musuh yang tersembunyi
Pulanglah kepada Tuhan cahaya kehidupan
Keimanan ketakwaan kepadanya senjata utama
So now I might be close in my search for my purpose in this life. Have you guys thought about yours? Or the purpose is but a mere insight of nothing but simplified laughter?
It is drastic. It is evil. But do evil for the greater good. Insya'allah, we will succeed.
Besides this, I have written on my scrap bk abt our Mua'lim, Muhammad SAW.
Its a short one, but I guess I have not been updating this blog. I will try to change the skin to a more, reader-friendly type, and few personal notations, but more of life and human behaviour, as per what I see.
"Ash hadu alla ila ha illah. Astaghfirullah. Nas alukal jannata wana'uzubika minannar."
"Allah huma innaka 'afurun tuhibbul afwa fa fu'an na."
Ya karim.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I've yet to post about the Prophet PBUH since it is the month of Sya'aban, but im not given the time to think. Its always work work work. Gone were the days that I enjoyed typing or thinking on Sundays, where the process usually begins in the toilet.
How I really wish I have a new job that only eats up my weekdays, and I am able to do community work on sats, and on sun, some time alone with myself. Well, that's the perks of being single see. When others have to report strength to their mates after work, I can simply enjoy the Orchard breeze as I pillowed thru the thousands of shoppers blistering within the compound.
I have a few job options:
1) Work with MCYS, get paid while do community work, but the pay is nuts, and yet the sat sun is free for me to wallow myself in my own domain.
2) Work with HP, go to schools and be an IT assistant, that way it'll be 5 days a week, the pay is quite good, plus its 8-5, so im able to teach tuition, or perhaps, work abit harder by taking up part time jobs, and still, my sat sun is untouched.
But option 2 requires a help from a friend, who hasn't been able to provide me with the necessary details due to lack of time and the ability for a guy to multi task. That's why im kinda disappointed see. But still, im being patient.
Its just that, the more I work in DFS, the more sin I commit. People keep complimenting me, say how gd looking i amla but in fact when i see the mirror I look like a burnt chicken with horrible specks, and how hardworking i amla, but in fact im like stoning all the way, my mind wandering to another part of the universal dimension. And there are so many women who flaunt their wealth and body. Some japanese and PRC even gave me their hotel room number, or waiting for me to finish my job so they would want me to bring them ard Singapore. They offer me service.
Look, I ain't a prostitute, nor do I qualify to even look like a male gigolo.
I think they need a spectacle change. Cuz the way I see it, I look terribly ugly.
Anyways, I have been reading this book entitled, 'God's debris', written by Scott Adams. Basically, im getting more and more fanatical in thinking as I scour thru the pages.
Goodness, how many questions can a human being answer sey? Its like, God is the universe, and we are just a 150ml bottle. You fill me up to the rim, the more u fill the more it overflows. So the limit in a human's mind is, well, limited I would say.
Anybody care to share with me job options? Anyone?
Duh, no one is. Bleargh. So much for humanity. Hehe.
Btw, I dedicate this song to all the people of the world, suffering from war, poverty, opression, political instability, disease, and the worst, cancer.
May God put His love in our hearts so that we can spread it to all, to everyone, for that is lacking in the hearts of men.
How I really wish I have a new job that only eats up my weekdays, and I am able to do community work on sats, and on sun, some time alone with myself. Well, that's the perks of being single see. When others have to report strength to their mates after work, I can simply enjoy the Orchard breeze as I pillowed thru the thousands of shoppers blistering within the compound.
I have a few job options:
1) Work with MCYS, get paid while do community work, but the pay is nuts, and yet the sat sun is free for me to wallow myself in my own domain.
2) Work with HP, go to schools and be an IT assistant, that way it'll be 5 days a week, the pay is quite good, plus its 8-5, so im able to teach tuition, or perhaps, work abit harder by taking up part time jobs, and still, my sat sun is untouched.
But option 2 requires a help from a friend, who hasn't been able to provide me with the necessary details due to lack of time and the ability for a guy to multi task. That's why im kinda disappointed see. But still, im being patient.
Its just that, the more I work in DFS, the more sin I commit. People keep complimenting me, say how gd looking i amla but in fact when i see the mirror I look like a burnt chicken with horrible specks, and how hardworking i amla, but in fact im like stoning all the way, my mind wandering to another part of the universal dimension. And there are so many women who flaunt their wealth and body. Some japanese and PRC even gave me their hotel room number, or waiting for me to finish my job so they would want me to bring them ard Singapore. They offer me service.
Look, I ain't a prostitute, nor do I qualify to even look like a male gigolo.
I think they need a spectacle change. Cuz the way I see it, I look terribly ugly.
Anyways, I have been reading this book entitled, 'God's debris', written by Scott Adams. Basically, im getting more and more fanatical in thinking as I scour thru the pages.
Goodness, how many questions can a human being answer sey? Its like, God is the universe, and we are just a 150ml bottle. You fill me up to the rim, the more u fill the more it overflows. So the limit in a human's mind is, well, limited I would say.
Anybody care to share with me job options? Anyone?
Duh, no one is. Bleargh. So much for humanity. Hehe.
Btw, I dedicate this song to all the people of the world, suffering from war, poverty, opression, political instability, disease, and the worst, cancer.
May God put His love in our hearts so that we can spread it to all, to everyone, for that is lacking in the hearts of men.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
As the 18th of August glooms even nearer, my mood goes depressingly awful. What shud I say? What shud I think? What shud I feel?
The person is ready to listen, to just keep quiet while I begin to slowly open the cracked mask that has been my face for ages, unveiling the scarred inner me that will shocked everyone.
And here I am wishing that everything is ok.
Yesterday, I learnt something called sacrifice. I took MC and got two days, just so that I could help my mum prepare for family prayers on Nisfu Syaaban. I was plagued by worries and doubts over my position at work now, and being an almost perfectionist, I craved to go to work. To prove that I am an asset. But after seeing through my mum's eyes, and some sense and pushes from dad and a fren, I made it thru the test. Alhamdulillah. Anyways, I wun be staying too long. Was thinking of tendering my resignation sooner than you think.
I can never sacrifice my solat and friday prayers druing Ramadhan, if i do, it is better that i dun fast. Cuz solat comes 2nd before puasa, its like a chain of dominoes. Never do one pillar, the rest will give way.
In Nisfu Syaa'ban, the Prophet has promised his ummah that all shall be freed from hellfire under God's blessing and mercy except 6 kinds of people.
1) The few who drinks
2) The few who conducts or get close frequently to adultery
3) The few who has a heart of stone
4) The few who likes to spread misunderstanding/ fitna
5) The few who likes to use physical violence on the weak
6) The few who has goes against and are sinned against their parents
May Allah shed light on me, for I am sinned. Look at me, I am paying the price for the sins I have done.
And after the yassins, it cleared my head and tears can never stop leaking out of my bespectacled eyes.
I kept seeing my faults, not deserving to gain entrance to Paradise, how I did wrong, my guilt for dian, and my mua'lim Haji Salleh Meerasa, my teacher of spiritual Islam, is really sick. He is in hospital now. I have followed him, and his Maulids, zikr, and salawats for more than 5 years.
In May, he looked at me and suddenly said, " This boy has hope, this boy has hope."
I did not know what he see in me, perhaps a person who has khashaf like him cud truly see something in me. When I have given up on myself, he put hopes on me.
But what kind of hopes? If it is success in life, then alhamdulillah, but if it comes with the path of sins, then I guess I'd rather have a simple life. But if this hope comes in a shape of taufiq and hidayah, then I guess its much much better.
Ameen.
ps: I'll see you tmr dian. And you'll be able to see me the whole month of Ramadhan. I'll never stop praying for you.
The person is ready to listen, to just keep quiet while I begin to slowly open the cracked mask that has been my face for ages, unveiling the scarred inner me that will shocked everyone.
And here I am wishing that everything is ok.
Yesterday, I learnt something called sacrifice. I took MC and got two days, just so that I could help my mum prepare for family prayers on Nisfu Syaaban. I was plagued by worries and doubts over my position at work now, and being an almost perfectionist, I craved to go to work. To prove that I am an asset. But after seeing through my mum's eyes, and some sense and pushes from dad and a fren, I made it thru the test. Alhamdulillah. Anyways, I wun be staying too long. Was thinking of tendering my resignation sooner than you think.
I can never sacrifice my solat and friday prayers druing Ramadhan, if i do, it is better that i dun fast. Cuz solat comes 2nd before puasa, its like a chain of dominoes. Never do one pillar, the rest will give way.
In Nisfu Syaa'ban, the Prophet has promised his ummah that all shall be freed from hellfire under God's blessing and mercy except 6 kinds of people.
1) The few who drinks
2) The few who conducts or get close frequently to adultery
3) The few who has a heart of stone
4) The few who likes to spread misunderstanding/ fitna
5) The few who likes to use physical violence on the weak
6) The few who has goes against and are sinned against their parents
May Allah shed light on me, for I am sinned. Look at me, I am paying the price for the sins I have done.
And after the yassins, it cleared my head and tears can never stop leaking out of my bespectacled eyes.
I kept seeing my faults, not deserving to gain entrance to Paradise, how I did wrong, my guilt for dian, and my mua'lim Haji Salleh Meerasa, my teacher of spiritual Islam, is really sick. He is in hospital now. I have followed him, and his Maulids, zikr, and salawats for more than 5 years.
In May, he looked at me and suddenly said, " This boy has hope, this boy has hope."
I did not know what he see in me, perhaps a person who has khashaf like him cud truly see something in me. When I have given up on myself, he put hopes on me.
But what kind of hopes? If it is success in life, then alhamdulillah, but if it comes with the path of sins, then I guess I'd rather have a simple life. But if this hope comes in a shape of taufiq and hidayah, then I guess its much much better.
Ameen.
ps: I'll see you tmr dian. And you'll be able to see me the whole month of Ramadhan. I'll never stop praying for you.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I don't know why but I find this song really soothing and relaxing, apart from the cute jap girl, really reminds me of Mikomatsu Fuguro, my jap friend of whom I made friends with during work at DFS.
Somehow or rather, everytime i see her stupid email, it makes me laugh hehe. Like, her english is way so bad, and how everytime she'd be correcting my jap.
"Must add ta at the back of masu, to say it in the past."
Say what in the past? Oh.. Past tense eh... hahahha..
Like duck and chicken talk.
Still remember how her eyes went so big when i say, "Kaili wa, nani kookku deska?"
Hahaha... Cute girl..
If im going to Japan with a friend, she'd be our tour guide. Easier ryt?
Hahahhaa! About direction wun be a prob, cuz its a simple verse of 'migi' and 'hidari' and 'okumade'.
Speaking of which, I had a great fun during our Family Chalet aka Buang Famlay Day. It was such a pity that I had to join them later cuz I got work. And so, all that was left was a guitar piece of 'Apa Saja' by KRU with me and my bros, and setting up of my hammock before going out to karaoke with my cousins for the first time. And damn it was good!
I slept in my hammock, and suddenly I was transported into memories of Brunei, how I laughed at Taufiq upon his stupidity cursing the ants that piled up on his boots till I slept, how he begged me like a puppy so that he could share some luxury of comfort in my hammock which was absolutely implausible, and how I carried the stupid heavy signal set more than half of the journey. And I didn't open that hammock eversince I last washed it back in Brunei, that was 2006 sey. Hahaha. Then how I teased Taufiq on how pathetic he looked with his swollen footrot-diseased like feet. He can't even walk to the canteen. Hahahahaha!
And suddenly I kinda missed all of them. Din, Wanpee, Taufik, Izhar, Sufian, Fairuz Black...
Hahahaha!
Enjoy the song while it last. :D
Somehow or rather, everytime i see her stupid email, it makes me laugh hehe. Like, her english is way so bad, and how everytime she'd be correcting my jap.
"Must add ta at the back of masu, to say it in the past."
Say what in the past? Oh.. Past tense eh... hahahha..
Like duck and chicken talk.
Still remember how her eyes went so big when i say, "Kaili wa, nani kookku deska?"
Hahaha... Cute girl..
If im going to Japan with a friend, she'd be our tour guide. Easier ryt?
Hahahhaa! About direction wun be a prob, cuz its a simple verse of 'migi' and 'hidari' and 'okumade'.
Speaking of which, I had a great fun during our Family Chalet aka Buang Famlay Day. It was such a pity that I had to join them later cuz I got work. And so, all that was left was a guitar piece of 'Apa Saja' by KRU with me and my bros, and setting up of my hammock before going out to karaoke with my cousins for the first time. And damn it was good!
I slept in my hammock, and suddenly I was transported into memories of Brunei, how I laughed at Taufiq upon his stupidity cursing the ants that piled up on his boots till I slept, how he begged me like a puppy so that he could share some luxury of comfort in my hammock which was absolutely implausible, and how I carried the stupid heavy signal set more than half of the journey. And I didn't open that hammock eversince I last washed it back in Brunei, that was 2006 sey. Hahaha. Then how I teased Taufiq on how pathetic he looked with his swollen footrot-diseased like feet. He can't even walk to the canteen. Hahahahaha!
And suddenly I kinda missed all of them. Din, Wanpee, Taufik, Izhar, Sufian, Fairuz Black...
Hahahaha!
Enjoy the song while it last. :D
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Finally MTV ASIA awards.
And featuring ma all time fav dance crew, the dope dancers themselves.
The Jabbawockeez.
As soon as the webbie is up, im ordering one red and one white Jabbawockeez shirt.
And im asking a friend to design a shirt for me, white shirt with a stamp 'Jabbafied' on top of it, and at the back a small lettering with my name lil tin man at the bottom.
Hahahaha.
Spread the Revolution.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
I am torn between many many factors that threaten to create a replica of me, a bad one that is. And after hearing the woes of Harold just now, I came across a natural thought upon myself. Life is too much of a complication. Life is but all competition. Who desires the most gets what they want. Be it work, money, girl.
Sigh.
But ultimately Allah knows what hidden desires I kept in myself.
Naturally, I just want a house in the meadows, a small cottage near the sea, where I grow my own farm and stuff, where I can be with my wife and do so many things with her, gardening, and stuff. And then we can help the community there. Life like this is so simple.
Dream on dude. Dream on.
Speaking of dreaming on, here is a song for the Malaysians. I uhm, 'accidentally' put this on my blog to commemorate Singapore's 43th birthday or something.
Hehe, im just trying to push aside the earworm of the song "Home" that is aired frequently over TV and Macdonald. Shit. I don't like this so-called patriotic feeling.
If only they were to play Borat's version of, 'Throw the Jew down the Well.'
Haha. Enjoy the clip.
Yeha!!
PS: Negaraku sounds so patriotic, I still remember how the Malaysian Soldiers sang it with their hearts out, as though they really love their country. And we Singaporeans just like, sing thru our teeth. Even the chinese peeps sang it wrong.
"Malila kita bessatu.. Dengan semayat yang baru.. Semua kita bessatu.."
"Majulah, Singgapura... Majulah Singgapula......."
My blog will definitely be the most controversial blog ever. Bleargh.
Sigh.
But ultimately Allah knows what hidden desires I kept in myself.
Naturally, I just want a house in the meadows, a small cottage near the sea, where I grow my own farm and stuff, where I can be with my wife and do so many things with her, gardening, and stuff. And then we can help the community there. Life like this is so simple.
Dream on dude. Dream on.
Speaking of dreaming on, here is a song for the Malaysians. I uhm, 'accidentally' put this on my blog to commemorate Singapore's 43th birthday or something.
Hehe, im just trying to push aside the earworm of the song "Home" that is aired frequently over TV and Macdonald. Shit. I don't like this so-called patriotic feeling.
If only they were to play Borat's version of, 'Throw the Jew down the Well.'
Haha. Enjoy the clip.
Yeha!!
PS: Negaraku sounds so patriotic, I still remember how the Malaysian Soldiers sang it with their hearts out, as though they really love their country. And we Singaporeans just like, sing thru our teeth. Even the chinese peeps sang it wrong.
"Malila kita bessatu.. Dengan semayat yang baru.. Semua kita bessatu.."
"Majulah, Singgapura... Majulah Singgapula......."
My blog will definitely be the most controversial blog ever. Bleargh.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Something is freaking bothering me in the middle of the night.
Wassup with anwar ibrahim seh. Stop it la, i can see you deep into your beady eyes.
I do not wish to see Malaysia end up to be a Republic country, it is Malay-sia, so the Malays shud be in control. Im not trying to be racist or what, but China is controlled by chinese, France by French, England by English, why must there be some other race that would take up the space in the Parliament of Malaysia?
Look at Penang, dah sokong PKR, skrg dah menyesal pasal apparently the Chinese who are in control there now is implementing a new system that doesn't support Malays.
I am not discussing the issue of Malays in need of support of the government. Who doesnt? Look at China back then, it was a communist country- hence, the people and the government do help each other. Why is it when it comes to the Malays, it becomes an issue of laziness and bla bla bla?
The fact remains. It is a Malay country, so dun try to take it away from them. You are causing a great deal of havoc in the country. Do not be influenced by neighbouring countries like Singapore. here it is a totally diff situation. We are sufferring silently. So please la, stop it can or not.I'd delve in this matter more when I find some time to blog.
Anyways, this song damn nicela. Its like im really saying it face to face to my mum.
Mengapa kanta ini masih berkaca
Sedangku telah pun terima di dalam redha
Segala kepahitan
Pengalaman menjadi penawar
Mengejar impi ke pintu Syurga
This is totally true, me and my big dreams but yet struggling to fulfill one. And only my mum would see how I'd really suffer. And seeing those silent tears that filled her eyes when I told her how Im trying really hard to sustain and help the family.
Duhai bonda
Bilakah akan ku kecapi kasturi
Penebus maruah
Dan semangat lama
When oh when mama.. when can I find the path to achieving my dreams? to see you proud of me again, like how i made you proud with my olevel results? where can i find such strength and power?
Mengapa sinar neon dan gedung indah
Kotaraya yang menjanjikan sejuta rasa
Sejuta haruman
Kini menjadi penjara jiwa
Ku yang merindukan ketenangan
True mama, this life is a prison. Life that doesn't begets me from true happiness. Life that doesn't offer us much room for comfort. You have to struggle so much for me. For us. Oh mum...
Duhai bonda
Hari-hariku kini berlalu
Bagaikan bahtera
Tanpa layar dan kemudi
Oh mama.. I feel lost, so lost in this world of lies.. Only your unconditional love that'll be that guiding star..
Bonda
Akhirnya terbongkar jua rahsia
Tangisan dan gurindam
Keramat kasih sayangmu
At last I see your sacrifice, your hidden tears and laughter. It is in this moment that I see your strength, that'll make me just cry, making me feel soft and vulnerable without you.
Bonda
Saat dan pertemuan semula
Kita kali ini
Akan ku abadikan
Keramat kasih sayangmu
So the conversation that we had, the hugs and salams, doas and kisses, I will never forget them mama. I wun.
Oh! bonda
bonda
Darn. I really really love my mum.
Thanks mum. For everything.
I love my famlay. They are soo cool! :D
Wassup with anwar ibrahim seh. Stop it la, i can see you deep into your beady eyes.
I do not wish to see Malaysia end up to be a Republic country, it is Malay-sia, so the Malays shud be in control. Im not trying to be racist or what, but China is controlled by chinese, France by French, England by English, why must there be some other race that would take up the space in the Parliament of Malaysia?
Look at Penang, dah sokong PKR, skrg dah menyesal pasal apparently the Chinese who are in control there now is implementing a new system that doesn't support Malays.
I am not discussing the issue of Malays in need of support of the government. Who doesnt? Look at China back then, it was a communist country- hence, the people and the government do help each other. Why is it when it comes to the Malays, it becomes an issue of laziness and bla bla bla?
The fact remains. It is a Malay country, so dun try to take it away from them. You are causing a great deal of havoc in the country. Do not be influenced by neighbouring countries like Singapore. here it is a totally diff situation. We are sufferring silently. So please la, stop it can or not.I'd delve in this matter more when I find some time to blog.
Anyways, this song damn nicela. Its like im really saying it face to face to my mum.
Mengapa kanta ini masih berkaca
Sedangku telah pun terima di dalam redha
Segala kepahitan
Pengalaman menjadi penawar
Mengejar impi ke pintu Syurga
This is totally true, me and my big dreams but yet struggling to fulfill one. And only my mum would see how I'd really suffer. And seeing those silent tears that filled her eyes when I told her how Im trying really hard to sustain and help the family.
Duhai bonda
Bilakah akan ku kecapi kasturi
Penebus maruah
Dan semangat lama
When oh when mama.. when can I find the path to achieving my dreams? to see you proud of me again, like how i made you proud with my olevel results? where can i find such strength and power?
Mengapa sinar neon dan gedung indah
Kotaraya yang menjanjikan sejuta rasa
Sejuta haruman
Kini menjadi penjara jiwa
Ku yang merindukan ketenangan
True mama, this life is a prison. Life that doesn't begets me from true happiness. Life that doesn't offer us much room for comfort. You have to struggle so much for me. For us. Oh mum...
Duhai bonda
Hari-hariku kini berlalu
Bagaikan bahtera
Tanpa layar dan kemudi
Oh mama.. I feel lost, so lost in this world of lies.. Only your unconditional love that'll be that guiding star..
Bonda
Akhirnya terbongkar jua rahsia
Tangisan dan gurindam
Keramat kasih sayangmu
At last I see your sacrifice, your hidden tears and laughter. It is in this moment that I see your strength, that'll make me just cry, making me feel soft and vulnerable without you.
Bonda
Saat dan pertemuan semula
Kita kali ini
Akan ku abadikan
Keramat kasih sayangmu
So the conversation that we had, the hugs and salams, doas and kisses, I will never forget them mama. I wun.
Oh! bonda
bonda
Darn. I really really love my mum.
Thanks mum. For everything.
I love my famlay. They are soo cool! :D
Monday, August 04, 2008
This is an excerpt from Taha's blog. haha, so farnie.
The Day I Lost my Sanity...
It has been a very long weekend with being sick and everything but overall, I'm still tired. Not a good connector but I don't feel like making sense now. It all started with an insomnia-themed sleepover at Samir's, or should I say a lack of sleep. Be it causing mass mayhem as the marvelous team-up of Deadpool (Moi), Iron Man (Haz) or Spiderman (Sams), or the attacking triumvirate of the no help Robinho (Moi), the scintillating Ronaldinho (Haz) or the elegant Kaka (Sams), we sure gave the PS2 a run for its money. And double-digits of consecutive gaming is by far not a joke. With nothing but cries of "Pass lah. Kau tamak siah" and "Eh, Kau better stop it..." and a solitary cup of instant noodles to sustain us, we were pretty konked out by the end of it all.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Anjakan Paradigma
I woke up in a sea of complicated headaches, a pool of berserk dreams of getting whacked by a crew of ninja turtles, ironman blasting the heads of small irritating rabbits, and of course, the usual one.
And I was greeted by the ringing of my hp alarm, indicating yet another day at work till 10pm.
Im beginning to not look forward to DFS. Its just that the politics there are horrible. So many hypocrites see, smile first, talk bad about you later. That's just awful. Really. And im like, the youngest there is, so its kinda hard to click.
I only look forward to my day offs, where I cud spent some quality time at home or with friends, or maybe perhaps doing community work too.
Sunday is supposedly the day where everyone slacks. How come I must go to work?
I think its time for me to get a new job. Something that doesn't bother my weekends, so that I can use those to do so many things. Blast. Now im looking for jobs that enables me to do community work yet get paid. Come on, volunteers are necessary, but I still have to feed my family right. Though I know its not paid well, but wth.
Recently, I had a deep discussion with Harold about how we guys tend to get desperate when we see people having a fun time with their lives and getting married and stuff. Honestly, I think it is selfish, but still, being a normal human being, I cannot help but wonder why am I still in this state and not making an 'anjakan paradigma'.
So I flipped the newest edition of men's health and presto, the answer was there.
Now according to scientific research, men takes a harder fall than women when they go through a rough patch. Why? Simply cuz of our ego. When we are high up, we tend to obscure our sights from the inevitable disaster that is approaching, shunting aside all the negative perceptions, thinking that WE are in control, and that just by ignoring it, it'll go away.
Wrong.
When it hit us hard, it becomes like the tsunami. And hell they'd be depressed. After that, they get desperate. After that.. You know what happens after that.. When you get desperate, you make decisions based on emotions, lack of maturity and thought, and in the end, it gets worst.
So I calmed myself down and told myself, let it go, and open your mind.
A distant friend of mine got married yesterday, so I dropped him a msg saying good luck and all. I kept thinking that, why is everyone getting married while im sitting here counting sheep?
Well, according to Harold, its better to count money now so that we can relax and chill in the future. Like buying dividends and stuff, so that you get paid by just shaking your leg. So I referred him to a book I once read about this malay guy who hit his million dollar mark at the age of 30. And he is not married, and he has no one but himself and his family.
Now how strong can this guy be. He can be so determined, going through so much, exploring the world of shares, brokers, property, banks, business, and he makes small businesses, and when he holds a prime place, he pays people to do his job, and hence, he becomes a CEO of his own company, and hence, all he does now is play golf with clients, go for umrah, spend time with his family, and travel here and there to expand his business.
I came across my brothers blog recently, and he posted his view of the good and the bad side of wealth, where few sufis are against the idea of richness while the others support the notion of being wealthy.
In my opinion, monetary wealth brings us to nowhere, except for the richness of the heart. And with wealth comes a purpose that we can either use it for the good of mankind, or be destroyed by self-attaching ourselves to dunia and its false wealth.
So ultimately, purpose is the yardstick or measure of one's ability to earn God's love.
By having a sense of purpose, I could actually set goals based on what I think im born to do, rather than personal glory.
And I definitely know what I'm born to do.
My purpose of living in this life of false hope.
The purpose that can overcome anything so long as I continue to believe.
So to speak, with knowing a purpose, you can overcome anything.
Like in DFS, I don't see any purpose of being there except for telling white lies of how I want to go and fill up my water bottle but actually Im praying.
So I can see that, without a purpose, the thing that im pursuing, will end shortly.
So in the midst of dreams of getting whacked by ninja turtles and helping ironman blast does irritating bunnies, I told myself.
I have moved on.
So I continued to listen to sunday morning call and dread of going to work.
And I was greeted by the ringing of my hp alarm, indicating yet another day at work till 10pm.
Im beginning to not look forward to DFS. Its just that the politics there are horrible. So many hypocrites see, smile first, talk bad about you later. That's just awful. Really. And im like, the youngest there is, so its kinda hard to click.
I only look forward to my day offs, where I cud spent some quality time at home or with friends, or maybe perhaps doing community work too.
Sunday is supposedly the day where everyone slacks. How come I must go to work?
I think its time for me to get a new job. Something that doesn't bother my weekends, so that I can use those to do so many things. Blast. Now im looking for jobs that enables me to do community work yet get paid. Come on, volunteers are necessary, but I still have to feed my family right. Though I know its not paid well, but wth.
Recently, I had a deep discussion with Harold about how we guys tend to get desperate when we see people having a fun time with their lives and getting married and stuff. Honestly, I think it is selfish, but still, being a normal human being, I cannot help but wonder why am I still in this state and not making an 'anjakan paradigma'.
So I flipped the newest edition of men's health and presto, the answer was there.
Now according to scientific research, men takes a harder fall than women when they go through a rough patch. Why? Simply cuz of our ego. When we are high up, we tend to obscure our sights from the inevitable disaster that is approaching, shunting aside all the negative perceptions, thinking that WE are in control, and that just by ignoring it, it'll go away.
Wrong.
When it hit us hard, it becomes like the tsunami. And hell they'd be depressed. After that, they get desperate. After that.. You know what happens after that.. When you get desperate, you make decisions based on emotions, lack of maturity and thought, and in the end, it gets worst.
So I calmed myself down and told myself, let it go, and open your mind.
A distant friend of mine got married yesterday, so I dropped him a msg saying good luck and all. I kept thinking that, why is everyone getting married while im sitting here counting sheep?
Well, according to Harold, its better to count money now so that we can relax and chill in the future. Like buying dividends and stuff, so that you get paid by just shaking your leg. So I referred him to a book I once read about this malay guy who hit his million dollar mark at the age of 30. And he is not married, and he has no one but himself and his family.
Now how strong can this guy be. He can be so determined, going through so much, exploring the world of shares, brokers, property, banks, business, and he makes small businesses, and when he holds a prime place, he pays people to do his job, and hence, he becomes a CEO of his own company, and hence, all he does now is play golf with clients, go for umrah, spend time with his family, and travel here and there to expand his business.
I came across my brothers blog recently, and he posted his view of the good and the bad side of wealth, where few sufis are against the idea of richness while the others support the notion of being wealthy.
In my opinion, monetary wealth brings us to nowhere, except for the richness of the heart. And with wealth comes a purpose that we can either use it for the good of mankind, or be destroyed by self-attaching ourselves to dunia and its false wealth.
So ultimately, purpose is the yardstick or measure of one's ability to earn God's love.
By having a sense of purpose, I could actually set goals based on what I think im born to do, rather than personal glory.
And I definitely know what I'm born to do.
My purpose of living in this life of false hope.
The purpose that can overcome anything so long as I continue to believe.
So to speak, with knowing a purpose, you can overcome anything.
Like in DFS, I don't see any purpose of being there except for telling white lies of how I want to go and fill up my water bottle but actually Im praying.
So I can see that, without a purpose, the thing that im pursuing, will end shortly.
So in the midst of dreams of getting whacked by ninja turtles and helping ironman blast does irritating bunnies, I told myself.
I have moved on.
So I continued to listen to sunday morning call and dread of going to work.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
