[heyz..=) good mood ya!!]

firstly, i wud like to extend an apology to bren (he complain i wrote in ml too much..muahaha.. mcm aku kesah gitu?) but then again, since his my best mate, from now i shall write in "PURE" english..muahahaha

secondly, i wanna extend an apology to dearie, for all my wrongdoings, my bad mouths, my unintentional crap, and etc.. all those words realli hurt u, and haish.. i hope i cud lift the pain away.. and change it.. with beautiful words and poems.. i will.. and i'll make up to u.. not goin to argue, say bad words, say crap things and most impt, not going to let my feelings run wild.. that's my beast, yeah.. im goin to contain him in me and not let him run lose.. i hope u forgive me, if u read this.. im sorie, from the bottom of my heart.. and i hope, that we cud be close friends like before.. hazlami will be back, i promise.. and he is in me now.. typing away.. i noe its sound hard to rebuilt the house of sand, but i wun ever gif up.. never will.. =) and wadever it is, i know noe the true meaning of love.. where u love sum1 without asking the favour in return.. thats it.. yupz.. ppl say im crazy, but i dun care.. i love u, before, now, forever.. i miss u, every step i take, two steps go closer to u.. every second ticks away, forever cums by.. my feelings never change, and i dun care whether ur feelings for me change.. cuz i remember, my bro said to me.. if u realli love her, u dun ask her aniting.. her safety, her happiness, her life.. is more impt than repaying back.. even if it hurts, it is worth it.. i wun gif up.. never.. and i'll pray hard..

thirdly, i wanna extend a hand of appreaction to my frens and family members (dat includes kak nana too..hehehe) for their support and encouragement.. especially bren! my bestfren! linla! ml ppl @ajc like adib n diana!my beloved brother! my sweetheart father n mummy syg! my two satanic but yes, beloved (with great heaviness) lil brothers najiy n nasrun (sigh! hahaha) my two students! my two adoring grandfather and mother! my bantal busok(in case bren doenst noe, it is ur smelly pillow hahaha) JC2 kompang guys! NWO! can't miss isz next bash!VJ and the tl gang!haha also not to forget, hmm.. dearie.. for showing me the meaning of love and care.. for giving me the happiness and miracles in my life.. and great special memories.. wud u be my special fren?

lastly..hmm.. wanna sleep liao haha.. cudnt sleep lar.. had taught my student today.. tmr dae say got pw and project wadevers @ tan tock seng.. not sure MONSTER wud let me go (this means, bren, sigh, my father hahaha) surely security guard (again, my mum sigh) wud let me go.. but due to sum unavoidable stuff im unable to convince them lar.. shithead ryte..

haha..in good mood.. dunno why.. maybe cuz of my student's unintentional anti-depresant pills haha.. she kept laughing lah.. now contagius sae.. haha.. muke cute plak tu ketawe.. haha.. but muz teach lah, they got exams.. ALAMAK! i forgot! i got religiois test f*** hahah..

hey VJ, sorie dei.. we still bros ryte.. one day we dance mahive want want!?! haha.. cam betol jer (again bren, very lazy to translate duh!)

promnite cumin liao.. tmr signig up for the alumni idol.. gonna sing liao.. any suggestion of any songs?? (btw, i heard shaheeda drug sae my voice 'punyerlah sedap' wen i sing the hari raya song. Compliment>?? hell yeah!! hahahahaha) planning to go shop2 with dearie, or bren.. kene smart2 kan, haha.. still hafta wear suitable suits match2 one ar..

sick?? am i?? no lah!! im okie now..! will be, i tink! but no worries man! im okie, serious! im as healthy as the lil birds in the sky (excluding big bird from sesame's street cuz she's too freaking big hahaha..GIANT?) love ernie and rubber ducky..

no relevance?? haha.. BUAT BODOH!! THIS IS MY BLOG GOD HEAVENS! I CAN SAY WADEVER I WANT HAHAHAHAHHA( like evil king liddat haha)

hey, stop lah haz.. i tink its enuf.. go sleep lar.. need to tc of urself..

here and back again..

love u, miss u, need u..

nampak nyer dier dah malas nak layan aku.. haiz.. sudahlah hazlami.. dier dah lupekan kau.. kau leh blah sua..

haish.. takpelah..........=(

[WALK OUT FROM A BATTLE, be brave haz..]

im back phoenix.. miss ya soo much.. i hate there.. its quiet, dark, and more.. i want to be wif u.. flying high up in the sky.. with flames trailing the air.. with songs of pure love..

very weak now.. felt bad i didnt told ma parents i went back skewl immediately i was discharged.. i need to go.. i must go.. i've been the one from the scratch.. i spent alot of time setting up this event wif tldds.. my hardwork and sweat.. all those times i practiced.. haish.. but now, i cant dance.. at least i cud sing ryte.. i hope..

im sick phoenix.. back to where im started.. all those times i thot i cud be ok, but its back.. evil is back.. and im weaken by this onslaught.. too tired ar..

fainted ya noe, after i taught tuision at Ain's house.. i woke up feeling dizzy and confused.. my father was there.. my mum was hugging me.. the time i was away in slumberland.. i was soo happy.. i was wif u.. flying here and there.. no pain in the heart.. no pain in my body.. my soul was a free kite.. i was wif an angel.. instead of darkness, i saw light.. an angel was wif me.. mummy says went i was semiconscious, i kept saying "ALLAH, ALLAH, ALLAH.." i wanted to be wif Him.. to be wif Him in a place of nowhere, where there's love.. happiness.. tears was pouring my eyes wen i was unconscious.. God, why didnt u take my life.. why did u put me back to this weak body facing cruelty.. not tat i want to gif upm God.. but i want to be wif u.. where i'll be loved by ur angels..

she wun forsake me..im loving angels instead..

i woke up, feeling so freaking weak.. in the morn, i saw myself in the same place 3years ago.. wif the same things on my mind.. same things in my heart.. haish.. here and back again, i dare say..

so it was the usual stuff.. not gonna tell ya wad happen.. my secret.. no1 must noe now.. my trust is gone.. and im back where i started phoenix.. so i say now, like i say 3years ago.. ~i'll be ok, i wun tell anyone, make ppl smile, make ppl laugh, and i'll be happy..pour out my love and care to others, and hide my pain and sorrow for others.. freedom will be gained soon, and i'll be strong, alone.. ppl die alone, so this is my path.. thorns here and there.. but i'll be walking it alone.. to God.. where He wud gif me blessings there..~

walking in a path of thorns alone is better, cuz angels will be there wif me.. holding my hand as i walk towards God.. Everything that is created, will return to God.. God, if tis is wad u give me, the pain.. I'll accept it.. Love me God, and dun hate me, cuz i haf no frens here in this world who wud love me more than u do.. u wun break ur promise, ryte God.. Love me pls, God, for im really weak and need ur love for me to continue my story.. protect me God, from the pain im feeling now.. make me strong God, for u're the only one who cud.. God, help me pls.. help me pls..

I'll be fine, phoenix.. and thanks to those who came and visited me.. so noce of all of u.. aish, noni, mira, ain, bik ita, cuzzie aizud and atiqah, and of corse, mama, papa, adeq najiy and nasrun.. and of course, abang anul.. i love u, abg.. i promise u i'll be a good brother.. i think its in pur blood that we receive pain and thorns.. we can make it, abg.. kat sini tak kekal, abg.. kat sane abadi, abg.. kat saner, kite ngan Tuhan.. tak perlu sedih nor sakit.. we'll be bless wif love we need.. we can do it, we're together in this.. u're always there for me.. remember, dat day wen sum1 took my bus card, but u took it back and gave it tome.. i was so priud to haf a brother like u, who cared bout me, but never say it.. but ur actions say it all.. words can be just words, abg.. but actions says it all, kan.. we can make it, abg.. wen u touch my head before u left me at that place, i was so happy.. cuz u really meant it.. saw the sincerity and love of a brother to a brother.. =) im crying now, im sori i was weak.. i wun let u down, kae..

and yes, thanks everyone for ur msges and tapping-shoulders.. i really need them.. bestfren, u'll always be my best fren...=)

im singing tmr.. lalala.. no mood to sing.. and yes, diana, if ur reading this, thank u.. thank u for giving me those hands to pull me up.. and ml boys nad gurls, especially adib, who is a very caring fren..

dearie, she came.. it was great fun, cuz i hafnt seen her for like decades.. tok like 2hrs, =).. i hope u now realise and believe wad im going thru.. and im nw eating ur biscuits.. hehe.. thanks for cumin.. really appreciate it.. still loving u and missing u.....

need to sleep now.. getting tired and weak.. bubyyee..

here and back again

i love u, dearie... forever...

I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my faith?
And do they know
The places where we go
When we're gray and old?
'Cause I've been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel the love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
She won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
She won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
She won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

still loving u....

[hAte pw..][v tired, nervous, scared..??]

pagi2 im at my com typing to ya, phoenix.. shitlah, the stoopid pw.. ade rehearsal jap agi.. report kul 8am, but my frens haven pass me the pp yet to me sae.. they tink i wad, skill ar?? BUAT BODOH!!

Bingit sae.. sabar2.. dahlah smlm tak mengajar, got msg ORANG TU, tapi tak jawab sae.. adelah org pat sini tunggu cam buah nak jatuh.. haish..

still depress though.. doc recommend me taking a few anti-depressant pills, those like chill pills.. mampos sae liddat.. haish.. mcm aku depress sgt.. memang aku depress, tapi wad the heck?? nowadays, i dun care wad ppl say, tink, hear, smell, taste and bebende sewaktu dgnnya.. mampos lah.. im so freaking tired, let alone all the shit must do, at home kene buat, my personal stuff (not gonna tell this, this is mmy fight, not urs), this pain in the heart.. damn lah.. shud i care wen i really hurts? wen others are happy but im sad? hell lah.

i dun care anymore lah. the toot lah. aku anak melayu, darah kersani mengalirnya darah laksmana melayu. aku anak lelaki, tak mudah goyah. Semua serangan yg mendatang ku tangkis.. tapi, kenapa aku ini tidak sedemikian?? kan pantat namer tu? haish. Bingit2!

abeh kene bastard ngan member sendiri, skarag kene pilih joget, drama ngan nyanyi.. mati lah gini sae.. dahlah rumah jauh, puase plak tu, ade keje luar plak tu..

dan hati ini masih blom pulih kembali.. juga badan yg kian daus, lemah setiap hari.. ingat perang dunia ketiga baru habis, tapi ade lagi plak tu. Tambah pla ade tsunami besar 2ooo gajah import dari india hempas pantat aku. Haish.

Aku harap sesiapa yg tau akan rahsiaku, dun tell anyone. If so, well.. im a person who puts trust first on the line. Dun trust anyone rite now. Y shud i? wen ppl dun believe a shit of me? guess i just hafta trust myself. Hidup kembara. Seorang diri. Lebih bagos. Tak sakit hati. Kalau mati pon sorang pe.

Ade promnite pat skola cck aku. Byk plak tu jr2 aku nak aku gi ngan dorang. BUAT BODOH!! aku mungkin..mungkin.. pegi sorang buat muke steam kodok sua.. lagi bagus.. nyanyi jap, layan brennan, pastu balik lah.. leceh, kene bayar 45 bucks. pakai kene formal plak tu. Nak bergaya? ples lah, aku takde mood nak buat nie semuer..

And, thanks ain (budak aj kite ar), aku ngah depress ko kasi aku senyuman sebesar..erm..besarnya? hahaha... kasi aku happy sikit ar.. abeh maner tak, asek buat aku ketawe jer.. hahaha.. intellectual konon, oh pls.. haha.. tetibe kite bebual serious talk haha.. ape saje.. takpe, at least dier buat aku senyum, btol tak phoenix..

masih tak dapt msg dier. tu memang dah takleh ar. nak contact camaner kan. haish. kalau dikau pergi, tak apelah. Hanya ku tunggu dikau di pintu syurga.. (mcm aku gi syurga gitu, solat lum pass nie masok neraka lagi best muahaha..)

klah, ngah bingit nie. Cao.

hati ini berdegup seganti
tiada bunyi, kian pudar disebalik pepohon
bagai matahari menghilang di ufuk barat
hati ini
di gigit sekali lagi
tiada bunyi
hilang rentak rebana akwali..

still loving u..

here and back again..=(

[very tIRED!!! haish. Damn PW ar.]

haish. yep, phoenix, im depress now. been like, sleeping for 8hrs in 3days only. too many things to think about. too many things to do. ML performance drain my energy. PW makes me feel like shit- rush here, rush there, summore got op on sat and haven start anything except finish the slides. Pain in the heart still goes on.. Pain in the head grows. My results like toot. haish.

haish. Thats all i cud say. Tadi pon joget zapin penat nak mati, byk sgt steps tu remember. Summore, PW ruins the whole day lah. haish. Ppl bitch her and there ard me (my PW member lah). BUAT BODOH! ingat aku babu ka?

Abeh skrg ngah tunggu si Khairul tu hantar file dier pasal tolong dier print. Lamer sae tunggu, dari tadi. Ingat aku babuka? BUAT BODOH!

If everyday like tis, Ramadhan dah tak seSPECIAL seperti yg lamer ar. Dulu can pray like 247. Now bz sgt. haish. Semoga Tuhan ampunkan dosaku.

Now cannot msg her liao. Really depressing lah. Haish. Thot i cud help by lending money, but kene tolak suggestion sae. Padahal aku yg bersalah, asek dier jer pakai hp tok aku. Screw u, hazlami. Padan muke kau. Gasaklah, hukuman ko dpt hati yg sakit nie berbaloi betol. Padan muke. Guess its adios-astalavista-say-bubyee for me lah. Haish. Not giving up, but it'll be harder than ever. Haish. Korang ckp mcm senang try lupekan, tapi tak senanglah. Tiap kali im alone, mesti feeling nie dtg kembali, and just ripped me off th hook. Tiap kali rest2, atau duduk borak ngan member budak ml laki, setakat ketawe2 jer, tapi tetap perasaan ini menghantuiku. Guilt, itulah perkataan yg inginku gunakan. Guilt. Haish. Nvm. If tis is it, parting nampak sah menyakiti hati. Tu memang lumrah, phoenix. Aku rasekan, aku lebih baik angkat kaki blah so tak kacau hidup dier. Dier pon, aku rase, dah ok pon, dah dpt terime. Asal aku tak dpt terime? mungkin cinta tulus ini tidak dibalas kembali, atau mungkin aku sygkan dier terlalu byk sehingga aku amek risiko yg dangerous. Ini perasaan takleh aku explain, entah lah. Haish

Sudahlah hazlami. Pijaklah kamu dibumi yg nyata. Terima sahajalah yg dia bukan milikmu disini. Terima sahajalah yg dia hanya seorang manusia dan cinta abadi miliki Tuhan dan Rasul. Haish. Susah lah.

Sudahlah. haish

Its okie, kae haz. Like ade org tu ckp, be strong, and im here, just try and smile byk2..

Here and Back again, again...

still loving u still..

im goin to be ok..love u

[the aftermath..but hey, now im back on track, i tink..]

heyz.. just finish pw.. damn pw ar.. dahlah kene buat lastmin biblio pasal si bangang tu (taknak bilang namer, tu mengumpat kan kan.. muahaha) gi hilangkan disket aku penat2 gi buat.. nak marah, nasib baik dearie aku buat aku happy.. and guess wad? i still love her!!! hehehe..

masih tak gif up eh ko nie haz.. haiya.. tapi tu memang cinta tulus kau.. kalau tak diterima, tak kesah.. aku rase, kau sayang dier hingga akhir hayat ko, lagi baik.. pasal ikhlaskan kan..

mesti ar.. not gona gif up, mate.. cuz i love her wif all my heart...

abg bodoh gi bilang semuer.. cheh, pi ns sua.. bagoos jugak, dier masok ns jadi askar (kononnyer jadi laksmana melayu lah tu.. PEGI MAMPOS).. dier masok bulan satu nxt year, tak silap. Ah, padan muke, irritating wart dah blah, hidop aku pon bebas (mcm tauhid rubben ckp, im FLYING WITHOUT BULU) Klakar ar tu.. ko pon leh jalanda.. nak komen suare aku plak tu.. suare dah cam **** (taknak ngumpat, pas bolan posa baru leh kek??!!) pi nyanyi lagu 3 little pigs lah.. muahahaha... abg aku takde pon, gerek jugak.. dier slalu kasi aku antiklimaks nyer smagat.. nak berbaik ngan dearie, pon dier ckp tulah, nilah.. AH!! tak CAYE!!! aku tetap sayang dier, ape ko leh buat huh huh huh? skali nyer lempang hidung sememek baru tau (nie bukan ngumpat, nie FAKTA!!!) muahahaha...

hari nie went back ta skool, teros kene marah.. sedih sae.. tapi at least pass kan phoenix.. ckp aku pemalas, si suare monyet tu (nie chem tutor aku, SERIOUS BENAR suare dier cam AH meng pat mandai zoo@spura) ceh, nanti kau, i will prove melayu tak bodoh!! (macam ye jer, eh phoenix, nanti tak berjaye, koreklah lobang sendiri..)

blahblahblah..pastu buat pw sikit.. pastu dgr CIKGU MAIL!!!! nyer merepek marhaban taik apek(nie hafiz aku ckpkan muahaha) buat sarapan.. entah nape dorang panggil dier apek.. muke apek kot.. haha.. like people say, IN DA BLOOD katelah.. hahaha..

blahblahblah.. den go to ml room go thru article wif suli, (thanks man..!!=) pastu buat dialog sikit.. skali si ain, zawiah, ngan shazeea (tetap akan diriku memanggilmu shazeea kerna nama azra tu buat ko cam lompat tekial2 gitu hahaha) join si garang, drug ngan mak lah.. opps, telupe nak include muni.. ASAL AKU NIE SLALU NGAN POMPUAN!!!! SEDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIHHHHHH!!! kirekan cam khairul ckp, konon2 P.I.M.P, namun, takdaptku terima muka2 korang yg...********* continue lah ar..

pastu nyanyi practice lagu raye.. hmm.. kene nyanyi ngan giant.. pastu tetibe jer ain pon nyanyi haha.. klakar nak mati.. orait jugak ar, aku rase..

si maklah plak sebok ajar drug, garang ngan suli joget zapin..(cam taik jer...muahaha) kene drill sae.. SEEEDDDDDIIIIIIHHHH!!!! hahaha.. muke si garang tu dah hot jer.. sabar, bulan posa dok..

pastukan phoenixz, balik tak sempat gi makan buke pat ang mo kio ngan NIZAR, ADIB (baru gerek kan, kluar ngan laki, ni tak, ngan pompuan jer kekekekekek) ngan ain, zawiah ngan shazeea.. makan teros aku balik..

balik on da way dgr plak lagu jiwang.. den suddenly, i hear the song 'Evergreen' by west;ife (bagi mereka yg tak tau lagu nie, nanti aku nyanyikan kae..BUAT BODOH>>!!!!) teringat jugak dearie aku.. aku tetap syg dier, phoenix.. still love her.. for now, i must be strong and bring back the HAZLAMI u knew to u, dearie.. so that everything will be like before.. now, friends u are to me is truly the best thing i haf in ma life.. and thanks for giving me the wake up call.. haish.. i shud be given a true JITAK di kepale siang2 so dearie tak sedih2.. i broke her heart, haish.. why must i do tis to her?? such a zalim kind-firaun-like me.. haish.. i was screwed at that moment, dearie.. im sorie.. the pain and the heavy guilt in ma heart still lingers, and i believe it wun go away.. i hope we wud be fine, like before, the closest fren u r in my life..

kae.. must go sleep liao.. tmr ade bebende bodoh lagi.. malas nak gi skola.. haish.. takde mood.. summore, ms sab nak ckp ngan aku.. phoeniz, harap2 tak kene marah ar..

now that im in the process of being the lost-but-found hazlami, i'll be back, i promise sha.. and my promise to u still will i keep.. tat is.. im always there if u need me.. juz gimme a call ya..

nak poem?? aku ade ar.. tapi nanti bilang haha.. *i just finish sketching the last tpuch up of my drawing.. hope dearie wud like it..* wanna see her smile to me again.. SMILE????

here and back again..

i love u, dearie..=*

[kaulah segalanya: hazrul nizam]

Kau mahu bak segala
Cinta yang ku dahaga
Kehadiran dirimu
Menyinari maka semua hatiku

Kaulah segalanya
Yang menyinari hidupku kasih
Hanya satunya
Yang kucintai

Hulur tanganmu kasih
Sambut cintaku
Jangan tinggalkan daku
Seorang diri
Tak sanggup lagi dilukai oh..

Maafkan daku
Jika salahku
Peristiwa yang pernah ku alami dulu
Aku tahu betapa pahit
Mu menerima sejarah hidupku oh..

Kaulah segalanya
Yang menyinari hidupku kasih
Hanya satunyaYang kucintai
Sambutlah cintaku
Jangan kau pergi dari sisiku
Cintaku padamu
Ikhlas sejati
Cintaku padamu
Ikhlas sejati....

[this is for u, sweetheart..i still love u..]

Mulanya hanya teman biasa
Tiada cinta tiada duka
Hanya senyuman petanya khabar
Hanya gurauan tandanya rakan

Hatiku muskil hingga ke dini hari
Soalan di sanubari belum terhurai lagi
Dari dulu hingga dini
Jawapan dicari masih tersembunyi
"Siapakah dia kepada diriku?"
"Kenapakah dia menjadi teman rapatku?"

Seketika dulu pernah tertanya
Adakah mungkin terpikat sudah
Kepadamu saudara Islamku
Kepadamu teman karibku

Kini jelas dihadapan mata
Jawapan yang kudahaga terbentang jua
Mungkin sudah kujangkaui
Mungkin jua tidak kuakui

Kau hadir dalam gelapku
Menyinari indah kamar sepiku
Bak cahaya menerangi hatiku
Menyuluh jalan yang daku tempuhi

Jika bumi berbelah dua
Andai lautan jadinya bara
Akan ku genggam mu semana daya
Tidak ku tinggalkanmu selagi bernyawa
Kerana kamu insan istimewa
Kerana kamu bernama Aishah

[im sIngIng tOmOrrOw....!!!!! cUm aNd sWay wImme!! Ladies, no photographs ya...hahaha...]


dah lamer tak update aku nie eh.. juz came back from working.. i work, u see.. tuision teacher.. haish.. stress job, but i LOVE to T.E.A.C.H - Talk and Eat but coach Amaths, plus Controlling the Hunger for... hahaha... leave it for u to find out..

tadi ajar gerek jugak.. smlm ajar LAGI GEREK...! i hope all of ma students do well for their respective exams.. i'll be sooo blooody freeeekin proooooud if ya all got good grades ar... just remember ma motto : 'BELIEVE...!?!?!' hahahaha.. mcm betol jer.. i'll continue teaching ya...

im depressed.... .... ....

u can never expect anyone to repay ur kindness back

haish... v tired ar....

im still holding on to you... still thinking of you... fighting for you...

here and back again...

If We Hold On Together

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away

Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start

Live your story
Faith hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through through tomorrow
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end

Valley mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away

Worlds are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I ....=)

[]

[im BAcK!!!!]


im back!!! hahaha.. quite happy now im well and recovering.. smsed my fren at thailand and told him im ok now.. he was so happy he was merely shouting words of crap at me, even called me.. thanks dude..

i smsed aish, miss her so much.. was juz about to tell tha gd news wen she sounded depressed.. not sure why though, she's been keeping alot from me since.. thot i cud gif her like a 'surprise', but well, fate has its own 'surprise'.. back fired, that one does.... =(
she sounded 'unsurprised' by my welcome..i was kinda taken aback ar.. well, perhaps time pull us back away from each other.. wanted to get things running like before, but well.. maybe TUHAN tak beriku peluang.. haish.. juz wanna say that i miss her, love her...

if she is happy without you, its okie haz... as long as she is happy... for her...

long time never felt the fresh air.. wun say much though, now PEOPLE are watching ma blog.. i've been thru alot, and if tis is ma final test, then TUHAN, beriku peluang sekali lagi.. kuatkan aku Tuhan, kerna aku ini seorang yang lemah di mataMu..

i thot things cud be better for us, now im back.. praying everyhtings gonna be fine..

if u really love her, true love is such that u dun ask anything back... As long as she is happy, hazlami.. hold on to hope okiez...

kaez.. im off...


here and back again : by Hazlami

hey ma cckss frenz!!! budak ml rock man... dah lamer tak dapat main bola ngan korang.. haish.. the one 3rd from the right is ma best frend.. names kamarul.. tahnks for the teddybear ya.. most kind of u to visit me the other day.. harap2 aku sembuh cepat pastu korang leh main bola nagn aku kae.. (form left; FARIZ, KHAIRI, RAFIEE, ANUAR, KAMARUL, AZIZ, ILHAM!) =) 

[in love...with you..]

this is us... =))) our first pic together, i tink.. she look soooo beautifull... i love her soo much.. haish.. muz fight tis for her...=( hope i can see her soon.. work, legs, work.. so i can walk to her and say hi.......

love ya JET!!! the best band in the world.. ma brother (love ya) bought me tis jet song.. listening to it now, yanoe.. =) 

this is my dance partner, her name is harvin kaur (lesbian partner to shahraini, she evry time go googoo gaagaa wenever she is mentioned in our conversation.. SEDIH!!) got quite seram pasal tetiber mendekatiku.. haha.. dekat sae, si mamak nie.. nak amek tu jauh2 ar sikit.. dah ade matair sae si detu.. nanti matair mamak dier pukol aku plak.. AKU TAK BERSALAH!!! hahaha.. anywaes, she sat in fornt of us time sec4, wen i was at tht time siting beside bren.. she CLEVER MASOK NJC.. bravo.. but.. i still win ya... muahaha.. ni gambar pat cck during teachers day.. geli jugak ar.. the only pic i was very close to with a women is my mum.. haha.. (not a sex maniac har sha..) still, i miss sha.. =( wonder wad she doin now.... 

this pic was taken after the AJ RACE!!! it was so fun, only that i run here and there.. was quite worried, so i quickly snuck a pill under my tongue.. my fren saw it (the one extreme right, qiling..) i say it was a vitamin pill.. sigh.. nasib baik dier tak tau kan.. tu khairul, my best buddy.. (takleh kalahkan bren ar, but at least kahirul melayu pe.. SMANGAT ML!!!) hahaha =) 

im more nearer to the boys in ma class.. miss all of you.. haish.. wish i cud go back.. and jee peng(the one with blue), thanks for the roses.. dun tell anyone ya bout ma sickness kae.. thanks for visiting me the other day.. really appreciate it.. (dunno biler entah si cinoneh nie tau aku sakit!?!?! haha) 

same pic ar.. haha.. to my right is wei jie.. my left was kenny!! he was my best buddy at aj(telupe plak ade khairul..muahahaha..) 

my class!!!! 26/04!!! took this pic after our performance where i sang the danny song (oh, forgot to include that geli nyer pompuan, the black one, so irritating hahaha, ma pw member oso..) after tis pic was taken, i became so weak, just came from hospital.. they say my face very pale, even ms sab, but wad the heck.. dun wan to dissapoint them, especially wen i am the main character.. but they were happy that day.. so happy.. makes me happy despite vomiting so many times after that.. just wan them to smile lah.. PS: shahraini muke slumber sajak sae cam wanita zaman agogo.. curly rambot ko! tapi tetapi makcik garang..haha) 

taking a pic with the gossip club (now ma best exco MLDDS!!) suli masih kental, farna tetap giant, muni tetap puny blur2.. haha.. yg lagi satu tu garang sae.. takot asek kene marah jer ngan dier.. haha.. my classmate of 4 years(going to.. wahahaha=() 

spot my dearie!! shikin kat centre sblah shazeea (still call her shazeea, never agreed on calling her azra, makes her jumpy and boyish and all..haha) 

this is the day during our first 3mths.. i remember we were planning to go to watch this movie called gothika.. my first movie with her.. she was so beautiful on day.. she wore this black blouse, with this black shiny slippers, i tink.. at that time, ithey were all waiting for me cuz i was bzly bathing in the showers..=) brings back thise golden days.. miss our first 3mths days.. 

this is my dearie.. i love her so much.. i pray for her even more than me.. my source of strength, faith, tears, happiness and of course, love.. every nite i fall asleep, i wud pray that i wud see her in my sleep.. her eyes so beautiful like the golden beams of morning sun.. and u noe, her smile is the one u shud look upon.. mesmerize me all the way.. miss ya aish.. sha.. =*