this is true.. i guess..

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Farewell.. Gdbye..

There's nothing left for me here ryte..

If put all, my life, my hopes, my dreams, and to think of it, it makes me smile.

Although i hvn finish why i was sent here, i hope dat it wud turn out ryt. Haish.

17 years of life. 17 years of smiles, of laughter, of pain, of tears. It seems alot to me.

However, berhenti disini sahajalah mata pena dlm perjalanan hidupku.

If i made mistakes, let's take it as a human mistake and forgive me for all the wrong doings dat i've done in this short yet fruitful span of time.

Life. Kehidupan. Apakah sebenarnya ia membawa?

Life. Kehidupan. Where does it bring me?

Tears. Laughter. Smiles. Where does it go?

Why must it end with a very soft note? Where does all the birds go? Where does the beautiful morning go?

I was in the lrt in the morning. I smiled. Dat will i make eternal in me.

I was in school, with my classmates making jokes and studying. Dat i will make eternal in me.

I was with the trees and the sun and the flowers just now. Dat shall be in me.

Fear? Wad does fear have upon us?

An absolute complex dat puts people in jeopardy. But i wun put it in my heart.

Allah. Allah. Allah. You. I must put it in me.

Muhammad. Muhammad. Muhammad. That too, in me.

Mama, papa. Najiy, Nasrun. That too, abg put u in my heart.

Nadiah. Bren. Nas. My lil darlings. I put u in my heart.

Her. Always. In me. Never. Remember the promise i made? I still hold on to it. I'll see u there. I'll wait for u there. With God. With love.

My frens. Both. In cck. In Aj. Thax for the support. =) If i were to be given a wish, will i put u to the top of the world, and live there in bliss.




How can there be an end to life? Life doesn't stop. It goes on. And there, it is forever.

How can there be an end to happiness? As long as ppl smiles, the world will be a better place for u and me. Not for me though.

Looking back at what had happened for the past 17 years, i decided to smile. For somehow or another, im scared. In fact, terrified. Alone.

But God is with me. I know He is.

Dan bersabarlah, kerana Tuhan selalu bersama mereka yg bersabar.

Ujian pada diri ku, akan ku lalui dgn hati yg tabah. Allah, dengarlah pinta dan rayuan hamba mu yg begitu daif atas Takdirmu yg menakutkan. Pada mu aku berserah. Kerana aku rasa, Engkau telah memberi setiap yg ada pada diriku nikmah.

Nikmah senyuman.

Nikmah air mata.

Nikmah cinta.

Dan hatiku ini, selagi ia masih berdegup, akan ku teruskan pelayaran bahtera ke destinasi yg Ka telah tetapkan pada diriku.

Sunyi.
Kemana perginya sang mentari
Yg bermukim di hati
Di sebalik awankah dikau bersembunyi?
Aku.. Rindu..
Malai rinduku mula merintih
Akan halusnya cahya yg menerangi yg tiada.
Khatulistiwa menjadi pusara.
Sunyi..

Sepi.
Kemana perginya tawa si kecil
Yg bersenda gurau di kala senja tabir
Jika
Ku dapat kuasa untuk menghidupkan yg tiada
Namun
Ia hanya sia-sia
Telah ku lihat jauh dari mata
Awan-awan gelap berarak megah dan menakutkan.

Takut!!! Aku menggigil
Seluruh daging yg melekat pada rohku menggigil.
Jiwa meronta semu kelu lidah yg berpaling arah
Hati berdentam-dentum menari-nari berlari-lari
Tiada arah.. Tiada arah..
Hanyut bahtera ditelan samudera.

Di hujung tambak. Ku lihat.. Tidak. Tidak mungkin!!
Cahya agung berdiri megah!
Siapakah engkau, wahai insan? Tanya ia

Aku..? Aku..
Aku tidak tahu! Siapakah engkau?

AKU? AKU?
AKU yg BERKUASA memutar laut
AKU yg BERKUASA mencipta pepohon buah
Dari sebiji benih, padanya AKU memberi hidup?

AKU? AKU??
AKU yg BERKUASA menggegar pusat bumantera
AKU yg BERKUASA membakar samudera
AKU??

Bergetar-getaran ain. Bertitis-titisan air.

SABARLAH! Sesungguhnya, Aku bersamamu.
Seperti

Yeah
I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
But hey, what DID always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
What you crying about?
You got me

HAZ I know you miss your life and I know you miss your smile
When its gone
but I'm trying to give you the happiness that I never had
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
Cuz you're scared,
I ain't there?
im always with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Angels here, no more nightmares
We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it
Ur papa's crazy, aint he? Yeah but he loves you boy and you better know it
We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
A string of beautiful pearls
Lookin' dazzling, in amaze
I know it's confusing you
People always on the move, f*ckers always on the shoes
I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems
The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me
All the things growing up his Angels that he had to see
I don't want you to see but you see just as much as he did
We did not plan it to be this way, the Lord and me
But things have gotten so bad in Life I don't see us ever being happy ever again
Like we used to be when it was not there
But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

Now hush little haz, don't you cry, Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up little soldier, i told ya
Your Angel's here to hold ya through the night
I know its not here right now and we don't know why
We feel how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy, my lil Hazlami
But I promise you're gonna be alright

It's funny
I remember back four years when it was so happy
We use to play and fight and eat and play
and it wasn't that scary
Cuz everything was perfect.
Cuz everything was like a shoe rack
Like lil nike shoes placed nicely on the doorway.
Cuz everything was like a dream.See ppl never bothered,
And it was like flying robin in the clouds.
And at the time every dream that we sleep in
Either kept gettin joyness, or more
Or lil children running along.
and your family was not bothered by tight winds and ethopia is yet near not far.
Tryna start a beautiful life so you could laugh and smile.
Almost had a pure heart, till someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your little heart
And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart
Lotsa ppl were arguin' a lot so you moved back
On the Chalmers in the flat one bedroom apartment
And dey moved back to the other side of Hell's Gate.
And that's when you went to see me,with your hanky, and met me,
And flew you and hanky out to see me
But you had to study, ppl started leaving.
Then you started seeing 'him' on the TV, and you didn't like it
And you and hanky were to young to understand it
Pain came like a rollin' stone, pain was just a starting crap
And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand
Cuz all I ever wanted to do was just make you happy
Now you're sittin in this empty house, just reminiscing
Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out
To see how much you have grown, it's almost like the time's running out
Wow, guess you pretty much are
and im still here
Hanky I'm talkin' to you too, Angels are still here
I like the sound of that, yeah
It's got a ring to it don't it?
Shh, the pain will go for a moment

[Chorus]

And if you ask me too
Im gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the world
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdies neck
I'd go back to the jewler who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat don't fuck and dread (haha)

A bunch of roses among the thorns..

I wanna say thank you to these people who have persistently help me grow up and be the person i ought i shud be.

1) My exco loveable mates. SULIYATI, FARHANA, MUNIRAH, and not to forget, SHAHEELA for the constructive feedback and the many helping hands. I will promise you i'll do my best in this last league of the race.=)

2) My brother. Big brother Hasanul Arifin. For giving me the strength to further my studies. And thx ya, for the tix KINGDOM OF HEAVEN!! I hope i can make you proud. =)

3) My teachers, Ms Sabariah and all. Thx for your guidance! Love ya all.. I hope i can bring glory to the school and be a good person to the society.

4) My dearest best friend, Nadiah Binte Basiron (notice the 'binte'?? hahaha). Thx for being there during my darkest hours. Even if the darkest clouds is still there, i know u are there for me. Friends forever aite?? Jemput aku kalau kau dah kahwin 'MIMI' muahahaha

5) My peeps in school, the soccer boys, Khai, my 26/04, my fan club 29/04, MLDDS, bball girls, Diana, and the rest of all who supported me during the AJ IDOL. Thx to yal, i realized my dreams, big smile for you all =)

6) To my family, for all the love and care. Dunno wad to say lar, cuz my brain is full of things! haha, love ya!

Thts all??

All tat knew me larh.

Why the sudden thanksgiving?? i oso dunno. I just feel like shit lar, and perhaps by appreciating others, ppl wud appreciate my existence.

Im scared. Never felt like this before.

Duncha wori aite, my dearest GOOD FREND. Your mum will be ok, i promise aite? i know its hard on u, but wadever it is, my prayers will always be of guidance to ya.

Im going crazy. Wads wrong wimme? Im like so scared. So worried. So tense. So withdrawn. Why???

Hmm.. Be yourself day wud be a blast. Will be singing like a jukebox. Summore with Rasyidah hahaha. I find her sumwad a very cool gurl, tk penah nmpk pompuan jenis gini ar, hahaha.

Hmm.. Looking forward to it, ya dats it.

Peace.

My heart is still in pain, my brain weaken by the onslaught of truth. Gimme some strength, oh Lord.

How could dis happen to me..?

I dunno wad is wrong wif me.

I watched Kingdom Of Heaven just now, with my brother.

It made me realise how tough and how strong Saladin and his people are to their faith in God.

It made me realise that im so weak.

Im weak.

Im in confusion, in anarchy, in total chaos. My life is slipping.

Went out. It was nice, really. I hope ur reading dis. I enjoyed every bit of it.

But God tested my strength. He showed before me someone im not suppose to meet.

Him. Not the Lord. but him. The destroyer.

And nad says i shudnt blame anyone for wad had happened. I can't nad. I can't.

Im blaming myself, and him. For ruining evrything. Thanks for all that u did pal. May God have mercy on ur soul, infidel.

I hate him. In my eyes he was like, Renold De Chatolion. Mercilessly killed alot of Muslims. Like my heart. Like my dreams.

Now it is all shattered. I lost ML A. Lost everything. And he was like the pemangkin.

Salidin is my idol. He was a brave fighter. He died peacefully. He died with his heart praying for the millions of Muslims.

Salahuddin. Oh lord, bring me peace.

Im taking the solitude path to the Lord. And i shall return with pride and glory, and i shall promise to contribute to the Muslims. For now, i have embraced my destiny. My reason to live while i cud.

Im sorry, my gd frens. Drifting away to the sea shall i be. Pieces of me shall u receive. My broken wings shall u keep, in heart, in mind. For i must sail far away, to mend the undone, to find wad i have lost. I can't run away from the things that is happening. I must walk away to find what has been lost.

Nobody can understand this. Even if i explain, it'll bring much further pain. I must go. I must leave. My time is running up. Short has live been, and im smiling everyday to keep my soul and dreams alive.

Peace.

Dear Hazlami.

We shall be together at last. Forever. In the solitude clouds, i shall be there beside u, walking with u thru wadever means that may hurt u. In the lonelinest, shall u see me amongst the angels, that have protected u from all pain. But not love cud we put the pain away. But I'll be here with u. No matter wad. Now sleep, my brave one, and dream of the stars, planets, the flowers, the butterflies flying among the breeze, and on the hilltop, i shall wait to embrace u wif all the might of love i cud give to u.

Everything is gonna be alright. You are safe now, as long as im here. Gdnyt my brave knight. And let slumber soothe the ache in the emptiness.

Post-Aj Idol

Suddenly i got the urge to share my experience what actually happened during the AJ IDOL finals, hahaha, walaupon ader dari setengah golongan yg akan berkata, "eh, cerita basi lar mat"
Namun, akan ku sekali lagi bentangkan kisah sejarah yg tidak akan dilupai oleh Batch 04/05 di Maktab Rendah Anderson.

___________________________________________________________________


"Ey haz, Talentime 2005 forms are out! New theme summore, guess wad..? Wooo, AJ IDOL sae..!!"

Dat was wad my fren Willie Keng said on a Thursday morning. I was like, damn excited lar. I immediately fall into dreamland (not sleeping lar!) where i was imagining things like, me on stage, crowds cheering on, the hype, the energy, the feeling... WOOSH!! I nearly wet myself, haha.

I signed up of cos. Got thru the auditions with my rendition of "EVERYTHING I DO, I DO IT FOR YOU" by Brian Adams. My band chose "STAND BY ME" by Oasis, but seriously, i do not htink dat song suits my ehm, 'SEXY' voice (as told by MR QUEK, the IDOL judge) hahaha!

Nxt stop, AJ IDOL Semifinals. 9 contestants. 5 bands. All in a nite to remember. And i clearly remember this one.

A farking thing went wrong backstage. There was a technical error in which my song, "EVERYDAY I LOVE YOU" by Boyzone, couldnt be altered in a way to decrease its pitch (alah, tinggi sgt lagu dier tu, tkkan nk nyanyi cam karton betol tk? muahahaha). So ya, i was damn frustrated and nervous. But i pulled thru, and was siang2 crowned THE AJ IDOL. I even caused this gurl to jump on her feet, hahaha.

After that day, ppl start whispering and watching me (haha, cam ader sikit exageration pat sini. Tapi betol ar, tk perasan jubor!). As usual, im a humble and low profile person larh, so buat bodoh je. But it was hype, in a way. I got the attention i needed, hahaha. And ya, dere's dis JC1 gurl, lawa jugak, budak cine, ajak gua kluar mat! Jadik ar, tapi dier blanja, bukan aku! Haha, aku blanja air je, hahaha, kedekut. Tapi kawan2 je.

Finals are up. I cudnt find the ryte song. I was busy with my sickness, my hmwork, my band and stuff liddat. Yg menjadi sial tu mak bapak aku tk agree aku masok in the first place. Sial je. (Tapi lepas aku dah menang bawak balik hp doghang tediam plak, hahaha, padan muke).

I chose the one wrong song. I SWEAR. Wad made it worst was the karaoke version pekak nk mati siot, and with not enuf practice, i knew the outcome.

The day finally came. Ms Sabariah stated her support and wished me the best. To buat aku happy sejenak siot, maner tk, asek kene marah je, out in the blue hell she say, "Go Haz!" Hahaha, i've charmed my way thru yet again!

Aku bwk 3 pasang baju siot. Satu hanger baju skola, lagi satu coat aku ngan baju putih aku pat dlm. Another one is the denim jacket with a white tee. Berat beb.

Pukol 4.30pm menandakan its time for me to get ready. I wore all my gears and went for a make-up session with the sponsors. Amek photoshoot, pastu dah kene get ready. I swear, seriously, budak CARREN tu (tk salah aku namer dier gitu ar, haha, budak finalist ar) lawa giler. Padahal she look so like nerd with and 'e'. Nerdlike, but inside beauty menunggu, haha. Aku dah cam begegar iman aku, hahahahaha, if u noe wad i mean.

Aku dah start nervous, despite my bandmates and friends' encouragement, i just cudnt handle the fact that im really gonna get screwed that day.

Video feed live was on, i was featured from the nexus to the auditorium, where hundreds whistled and shouted and screamed when the saw me live. I like biase, sengih dan senyum jelar.

Dah nervous giler. After Azra's performance, she told me that the feedback tkleh dgr. Aku dah cam siak. How to hear myself???? How to hear myself singing with the KARAOKE??? dah mcm nak terberak aku dibuatnyer.

My turn. I sang. I knew i blew it. I put my fans down. It was disappoinitng.

Despite support from frens to go on, i cudnt bring myself. I knew it was over.

Yet sumone's smile cheered me up. You know who u are, alah, malular nk ckp namer hahaha. Saje je nk kasi suspens.

Den i told myself, cum on haz, show them u are the AJ Idol.

So my band was up next. We chose, "DROPS OF JUPITER" by TRAIN, which perfectly fits my genre and voice.

I wanted a new entrance. This time, i came from the crowd. Ppl were like, "Where's haz? Where's the singer???"

Suddenly buat magic lar aku hahaha. Nxt David Copperfield. Aku bukak suare je semue cheer. Sedap plak tu. Hahaha.

Skali dah syok, pasal nyanyi live band pe, so iwas with the rythm. THIS TIME I CAN HEAR MYSELF.

I sang my hearts out. I didn't care bout my sore throat which continually bleed blood here and then. I just sang with my heart.

And it really pleased the people.

I was even invited to play for this band for a gig which is on 17 June, cuz they are recruiting new talents.

I was told by Mr Quek, " The old Hazlami is back. Not with a flu, but with the AJ IDOL title"

Aku dah high, cam kene rasuk hahahaha.

My last performance was the I DREAM song by TAUFIK BATISAH, with the other finalist. After that, the results were announced.

When the announced Carren as the winner of the singing category, iwas really disapointed wif myself lar.

Nxt was the band cat. The host was playing the drum rolls.. and.. they shouted..

"THE CHAMPAGNES!!!" AKu dah snap! Hahaha. Kiter, all six of us, hugged each other with a thin film of tear in our eyes. The joy in our hearts, dat long hours of jamming, it was all worth it. We are THE CHAMPIONS!!! We got 100 voucher Swensen, 120 voucher Popular CD rama, 6 shirts, watches and caps. Hahaha. Not to forget, the trophy. My face was glistening with pride and joy.

Nxt was the AJ IDOL title. The all-rounder performer, the best prizes of all. I was closing my eyes, and wishing it was sum other finalist, not me, but deep in my heart i prayed i won.

"AND YOUR FIRST EVER AJ IDOL IS..."

When a name was announced, i cudnt hear anything. People were screaming. The audi nearly collapsed. My frens were hugging me. Ryan was congragulating me. Was it me????

"YOUR AJ IDOL, remember guys and gurls, his name is HAZLAMI!!"

I was shocked shit. Tears were already rolling down my cheek. It was a title worth fighting for. My dream came true that nite. And i sang I DREAM alone as a grand finale, with balloons and glitters, camera shots and screams, all for one title, one dr3am, one Idol.

Hahaha, nie part tak exaggerate. Haha, i got a bunch of flowers, not one, not two, but a dozen!!

Sygnyer, aku buang semuernyer hohoho. Sori ar beb, berat lar.

The gurl from the external band came forward to congragulate me, she was so chio!! she gave her number, whle smiling, and say ples do cum on th 17 June.

Akan ku pergi beb hahahaha. Mungkin tk nyanyi ar, tapi pegi je amek experience.

Aku balik ngan tk glamour langsung, ngan beg skola yg berat, a few flowers (i threw them after that) ngan suit cover aku yg telah koyak . Siot je.

But, it was a nite to remember. Till dis very moment, org ckp, hey IDOL!, gurls whispering, and smiling, ppl smiling, frens smiling, im smiling. Hoho, mcm mimpi gitu.

But still, with or without fame and fortune, insyaAllh, haz tetap haz, tk berubah perangai. Tetap budak selenge selekeh yg asek bebual merepek dan berkhayalan. Hahaha, jiwang pon tetap bersemadi beb.

Klah, ader mldds meeting now.

Peace.

Hear me say, feel me roar..

To my dear fren,

Just wanna say im praying very hard for ur mum. I told my father who is going to the Land of Paradise soon, to ask for forgiveness and hopes of recovery for ur mum, and believe it or not, di sana doa makbul, so i just wanna ask u for ur strong faith.

Isbiru, innallaha ma'ausobirin.

"Bersabarlah, sesungguhnya Allah bersama orang2 yg bersabar.."

Don't you wori ok? Im always here to support you. I've experienced this before, alhamdulillah, things are fine. So everything is gonna be just fine aite.=)

I was talking to my dad, all of a sudden, about how it will be like for you. He answered me wisely with these words of wisdom that made me smile.

Semua yg hidup tk kekal, kelak jua mereka akan tinggalkan kita. Tapi, ALLAH tidak akan mati, bersifat Sedia Ada, dan Dialah yg akan bersama kita walau bagaimana sekalipon keadaannya. Mati itu hakikatnya hidup. Hidup kekal di akhirat kelak. Dan Allah akan selalu berdamping mereka yg mengingatiNya.

That took me away...

Now i dun see pain no more.. I feel enlighted. Pain now to me is life.

For life is everlasting there. Not here, where everybody will perish like the dust in the wind.

Pain is a path i must go thru to feel life.

Im nearly there God..

Masukkanlah aku kedalam golongan mereka yg bersabar menghadapi dugaan dan rintangan.

Masukkanlah keluargaku didlam golongan yg Kau redhai.

Ya Allah, selamatkanlah aku dari binasa api neraka, meskipun ku telah melakukan dosa, maka ampunkanlah aku, kedua ibu bapaku, ibu sahabatku yg amat memerlukan kasih sayangMu, dan seluruh kaum islam.

Ya Allah, meskipun ku telah putus silaturrahim, moga-moga diKau paha dan redha atas pengorbananku, kerna hanya dengan pengorbanan inilah, dapatku selamatkan persahabatan sejati, meskipun terluka, namun ia telah pasti, kerna keselamatan mereka utama bagiku, selamat dari maksiat yg durjana. Ya Allah, ikatkanlah mereka kembali bersatu, biarpun ku berpisah, namun ku redha akan perbuatanku, kerana sesungguhnya Engkaulah Maha Mengetahui akan setiap sesuatu.

My last dream.

To be a muslim scholar. To pledge myself to serve the Islamic Community, to be like my brother, to be a good person.

And for that, i must sacrifice happiness for happiness.

If i ever go that far, Oh Lord, show me the path to ur Light. For i seek ur Love and Blessings, thy Lord.

PS: I dunno whether u're reading dis, but, i like you. Very much. =)
Peace.

IHateMyselfDayButLoveYouMummyDay

Not a gd day for me.

Not saying anything.

Let's put it all aside, ok?

I love you mama.

Sempena Hari Ibu, adek ingin mengucapkan Selamat Hari Ibu kepada mama. Selalunyer, amie kasi bunga, tapi telupe nk beli. Tapi ada benda special untuk mama.

Mama, ku rasa banyak yg inginku beritahu dikau. Semenjak mama melahirkan ku, sehingga memakai bajuku untuk bersiap ke sekolah, kepada ibu menyiapkan sarapan pagi untuk ku, tidak dapatku beri ataupun membalas jasa dan sygnya padaku.

Hanya air mata saja yg dapat mampuku berikan padamu di hari yg indah besok. Hanya senyuman yg dapat ku ukirkan padamu ibu. Daif diriku ini, namun, dikau menjadi pegangan untukku terus berjalan di bumi yg keras ini.

Dikau lembutkannya dengan air kasih sygmu, agar kakiku tidak terpijak duri yg membakar menjilat.

Hanya tangan yg menadah ini sahaja yg ku mampu berikan padamu, agar dikau bahgia selamanya.

Ibu. Sebuah nama yg telah ditulis didalam langit syurga. Sebuah nama yg telah ditulis di dalam air telaga kausar. Sebuah nama yg tersebut sejarah yg indah, harum dan suci, didalam setiap degupan jantungku. Setiap nafasku. Setiap waktu.

Ibu. Insan yg hanya menyayingi ku. Yg hanya memahamiku. Yg pabilaku sedih, pabila air mata berlinangan di pipi, dia akan membasahinya dengan air matanya. Dan memberikanku pelukan belaian yg tidak terputus-putusnya kasih. Pabila ku penat, insan inilah yg sungguh memahami setiap masalahku.

Pabilaku sakit.. Dikaulah yg belai rambutku, berikan air Al-Quran, dan iringi pula dengan doa dan munajat, agarku sembuh..

Agar ku sembuh.. Agarku sembuh.. Agarku sembuh..

Pabila diri ini resah, pabila diri ini kekosongan, pabila diri ini tidak bernyawa, ibulah yg mengisikan nya dengan senyuman mesra..

Tidak ku dapat bayangkan hari dimana ku jauh darimu. Tidak dapat ku bayangkan betapa hati ini rindu jika dikau tiada lagi disisi ku.

Jgn dikau pergi ibu.. Ku perlukan belaian mu, kerna ku hanya mampu bermasygul atas ujian yg menimpa diri yg fana ini.

Namun, engkau tabah menghadapinya. Pabila bapaku sakit, dengan titisan air mata, engkau kuatkan semangatmu untuk menjaga keluarga kita yg senantiasa tidak menghargai jasamu.

Sumpah ibu, ku tidak pernah lihat seorang insan sepertimu.

Ingat tak, suatu hari itu, dikau menangis seorang diri di dalam kamarmu. Menangis kerna letih teramat mencengkam semangatmu. Menangis kerna ujian yg telah melanda keluarga kita. Pada hari itu, ku dpt lihat perit dan sengit perjalananmu.

Ingat tak, suatu hari itu, dikau kecewa atas diriku ini yg telah melukai hatimu.
Sampai ke hari ini, ku tidak dpt menghilangkan bayangan itu. Tidak kan ku lupa kata2 mu, " Mama syg kau lebih, bagai menatang minyak yg penuh, kau balas dgn tuba? Hanya engkaulah yg mama dpt harapkan.."

Ingat tak, suatu hari itu, diri ini jatuh kebumi, dan resah duka tetap dikau tabah di hati, dan berdoa, agar diri ini tidak apa2..

Ibu, titisan air mata yg membasahi pipi ku tidak terhenti2 semenjak permulaan warkah ini.

Namun, ku hanya ingin beritahu padamu. Bahawa ku syg padamu. Cinta yg suci, yg abadi. Telah tertulis di Kalam Allah engkau menjadi insan yg akan menemaniku sepanjang perjalanan. Dan ku berdoa, agar dikau kekal mahligai di syurga bersama2 ibu-ibu yg lain.

Ku harap dapat bersamamu buat selama2nya. Kerna, jika ku fikirkan, engkau sahajalh insan yg tidak akan tinggalkanku, walau jasad atau batin.

Dahulu, kolot diri ini memikirkan seornag insan yg lain dpt berikan kasih syg yg lebih dari mu, namun, beliau lari jauh dari ain hati. Tetapi, dikau tetap disisi.

Semoga kita sekeluarga bersama hingga di akhir kalam.

Dan diri ini ercaya, bahawa sumpah ini tidak dikau akan menghancurkan. Kerna dikau tidak akan tinggalkan aku. Akan diri ini berjanji, untuk memberi kebahgiaan sempurna kepadamu, ibu.

Lagu ini khas untuk mu ibu. Ami syg mama. Buat selama lamanya.

Ibu.. Ibu..
Engkaulah ratu hatiku..
Bila ku berduka..
Engkau hiburkan selalu..

Ibu.. Ibu..
Engkaulah ratu hatiku..
Tempat ku menyerah kasih,
Tiap waktu..

Betapa tidak.. Hanya engkaulah..
Yg menyinari hidupku..
Sepanjang masa, engkau berkorban..
Tidak putusnya, bagai air laut..

Ibu.. Ibu..
Engkaulah ratu hatiku..
Tempat ku menyerah kasih,
Wahai Ibu....

Peace.

Akan ku tuliskan rasa hatiku, sebuah warkah indah menjadi iktibar kisah cinta yg suci namun, telah menjadi takdir untuk kita berpisah. Andainya, jika dikau membaca warkah ini, namun biar dikau tahu, betapa hati ini rindu akan ukiran senyumanmu, rindu akan suara merdu bagai irama rimba, rindu akan matamu yg mengaliskan air kasturi harum seindah inderanila.. Andainya, jika kita bertemu kembali, di simpang perjalanan yg tidak ku pasti, akanku semadi pertemuan itu dengan hati yg tabah.. Kerna, hanya hati yg tabah dapat menahan luka yg tidak mungkin akan pulih jua.. Sehingga bertemu kembali yg satu, padulah hati ini akan terjamin.

Kepada anda yg dikasihi, semoga lagu ini dapat memberi senyuman..
Salam manis.
Arjun Rajawali

SUATU MASA

Bagaimanakan ku mula
Dan apakah kata-kata
Yang indah untuk diabadikan

Tiap wajah berkisah
Tiap madah bererti
Manakah ilhamku

Cahaya di matamu
Senyum di bibirmu
mengukir seribu tanda pertanyaan
Mungkinkah kau jua dalam kerinduan
Di saat begini aku merindukah

Berhelai-helai surat
Terbiar di depanku
Tak dapat aku utuskan

Ku ramas semua
Dan ku buangkan
Jauh dari pandangan

Lalu aku kesal
Ku kumpul semula
Tak dapat ku nyatakan apa yang ku rasa
Jika engkau tahu di dalam hatiku
Mungkinkah kau sahut jeritan batinku

Dengarkanlah panggilanku
Dengarkanlah lagu untukmu
Angin lalu kau sampaikan
Rasa rindu yang membara Kepadanya

Warna-warna cintaku
Kian pudar bersama
Malam yang gelap gelita

Entahkan kau rasakan
Apa yang aku rasa
Atau kau tak endah

Tapi ku percaya
Semua telah tertulis
Dan niat suciku takkan disiakan

Dan di suatu masa
Di hari yang indah
Ku hulur tanganku
Lalu kau terima...

Suatu masa?

Hanya takdirkan menentukan nasibku yg malang..
Semoga diri ini menemui bakawali yg segar..
bakawali yg mekar
Disebalik yg telah layu......

Finally.. I AM THE AJ IDOL.. haish

My dreams has come true.

"AND YOUR AJ IDOL IS... HAZLAMI!!!!!!!!"

And as the crowd go wild, the screams, the cheering, the love, the support, flies like a large ball of fire straight to my heart, tears of joy filled my heart and eyes.

A breathtaking sight. A breathtaking experience worth dying for.

A sight to prove that people support me, love me, accept me for who i am. Yet.

I'll tell my experience later.

I dun seem to understand the problem. Why is this like happening? My two lil adeks like gone amok. Lagi satu plak menghilang diri.

Im still abit disappointed by the both of them, who actually had second thoughts about my dreams. Coz they're scared that i'll drown in the midst of fame and fortune. Not to forget my NEW HP, haha.

SONY ERICCSON K700i. My baby.

Anyways, ya, wad the hell is wrong?? What did i do? In the end, instead of joy, guilt fills me up. Help best frend!!

Guilt of winning the title i hold so dearly on. Work so hard on.

To noni,
I read ur blog, ok? And it appears that depression really has sink into ur life. I hope u understand that, HAZLAMI never forgets his frens, no matter how high he is, or how hurt he is/ Never.

So, i dun understand dis sincerity issue, or favouritism thingy, or etc. Its like, u suddenly lost faith in me. Im still ur bro u noe dat ryte? And even if im always with ain or wad, dat still puts u as my sis. So, haish. I dunno lar.

To ain,
U ok or not? u oso like noni, and wads more, u sound as though something terrible has happen. Pls resolve this matter, i need to talk to both of u. Whether it'll hurt, life is like that, it has never been fair to us, so accept it. I want to talk things over, like mature adults wud.

I feel very guilty.

Peace.