A wish that has been granted

Alhamdulillah! All praises to the Great Omnipotent One, who surpasses time and power, wealth and desire, knowledge and truth!

I am beginning to understand the hidden path beneath my feet in which Allah has set upon for me to plunder my way through the relentless pursuit to Him.

The journey will be long and tiring, and as I hugged my mum, tears welled up, only a spoken truth that was whispered into my ear.

"Oh Allah, grant my son the ease of his burden in his quest for your Love. Grant my son the best of paths in his quest to walk on your Siratul Mustaqim. Grant my son the peace of mind, the strength of tranquility, in his journey to gain knowledge and wisdom, and your Love. And grant all of us a place in Paradise. Amin."

It is in this doa that made me strong. It is in this doa, that I understand and embrace the one fact of life, so important, so highly regarded, until it is mentioned in the Quran so many times.

"The key to Paradise is beneath the feet of your beloved mother."

It is in this makbul doa, that I understand the power of tawaqal. And indeed, Allah has shown His Sight of the Unknown.

I spoke to her. I told her, that I'll make everyone proud. I'll be a hasanah to this family, and the generations beneath me. I'll be a good role model to my brothers, to my cousins, to my children, and my children's children.

So right now, I have a wonderful 6 months to self-reflect. To reposess the spirit to learn. To serve the purpose that was given to me.

Rahmatil lil a'lamin.

"the mercy to all worlds."

Perhaps, even before I step into the realm of Palestine, I should begin my tiny baby steps by focusing on the understanding of knowledge in my society first.

So I am now extending my arms and plead to all. Who shares the same vision as how I envisioned this world to be?

Who shares the same purpose as how I deemed myself to be?

Who shares the same love and compassion as how I am starting to be?

Who shares the same spirit of desire to spread love and knowledge to all worlds as how I am dwelling in to be?

Who shares the same sorrow as how I am facing now?

Who shares the same burden as how I am beginning to feel the weight of the world on my feeble shoulders?


If it is you..

Then I will sincerely say, that you are as special as I am. And because of that, I love you.

Allah huma anna!

A Masterplan

God has a Masterplan for all of us- be it the living small minuscule ant crawling on the wall, or the huge mountain standing still for thousands of years.

Like how he has a Masterplan for me to be almost late, and test me if I remember Him. I woke up late yesterday, with only 10 min to:

1) clean my room (which I failed to do every day haha)
2) bathe
3) pack my meal for lunch (heng ader mak tolong)
4) iron my working clothes (heng ader mak tolong)
5) dressed up (heng baju dah tergantung)
6) eat breakfast (heng ader mak tolong)

I am totally useless haha!

But I manage to keep it all before 15 min, and tried walking as fast as I could. However, as I was walking, I noticed the sky moving so slow and steady. What ran into my mind was an immediate appreciation of the presence of the Divine, and I prayed to God to help me. And if He were to make me late, then it is ok cause ultimately it was my fault. (however I choose to blame my alarm clock. But no worries now, I have a new one hehe)

And suddenly I walked slowly. And steadily.

At 8.55am sharp, when I just reached the bus stop, the 190 bus came. Alhamdulillah.

There wasn't a traffic jam. Alhamdulillah.

I reached work at 9.20am. Alhamdulillah.

And surely, I was blind. Blinded by His overwhelming power to dictate the course/movement of the universe.

Moral of the story?

Submission to the absolute power of the Omnipotent one, followed by ikhtiar, and then tawaqal. From tawaqal, we redha. And then only we have a peace of mind, knowing that we are in His grace. :)

PS: blushing while laughing is the most cutest attribute a person can ever have :D (this song is for you, kan sedap kan? haha! zaman kekentalan dulu)

oh ya, for my brother samir. This one is for you.



Have you ever wondered?
Why must we serve..

Because we love our land..
And we want it to be free, to be free... YAH!!!



I love those army days... brings back all the memories..

How the seargant f*** me up so hard I almost cried in anguish. How we had to tahan the 8km fast march while fasting..

How we were pumped all the time, even when we are almost booking out...

Can't wait for the next ICT. I am sure I'd enjoy it. But not the carry-the-equipment part la hehe.

Baik CPL Samir. Hehe. Now give me twenty. :p

My Personal Thoughts on the topic 'Longing for the Divine' by Sheikh Hisham Kabbani

I attended the 'Longing for the Divine' seminar hosted by the Naqshbandi-Haqqani Sufi Order, with speaker the wise and gracious Sheikh Hisham Kabbani, chairman of the Islamic Supreme Council of America and the Sufi Muslim Council, and also a disciple of more than 50 years under Sheikh Nazim Al-Qubrusi, Leader of the Naqshbandi-Haqqani Sufi Order. Here is a brief insight into the concepts of what defines to him as 'Longing for the Divine'.

To begin, I would like to share a wonderful poem by Jalaluddin Al-Rumi, famous mystician, sufi, and poet.

I died as a mineral and became a plant,
I died as plant and rose to animal,
I died as animal and I was Man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
Yet once more I shall die as Man, to soar
With angels bless'd; but even from angelhood
I must pass on: all except God doth perish.
When I have sacrificed my angel-soul,
I shall become what no mind e'er conceived.
Oh, let me not exist!
for Non-existence Proclaims in organ tones,
To Him we shall return.


This poem showed the true purpose of a human being, born into this disillusioned world of fear, pain, and perhaps, lies.

To search for Allah, the Omnipotent One, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful. God of all Gods. God of all Universe.

But do we long for him, or is it actually Him that longs for us?

According to Sheikh Hisham, it is Allah that longs for us. Allah makes it clear in Surah 50 Al Qaf, Verse 16 that: “It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than his jugular vein.” This verse illustrates and beautifully explains the position of our relationship and the closeness to our Creator and Him to us which must be realized for our guidance and transformation.

Allah gave us His beloved messengers, to reach out to us, to call us to remember Him, to Love Him. But does that make him dependant on our love? Certainly not.

“God created all things and He is the agent on which all things depend.” (Quran 39:62)

But do remember, that He creates all life, be it matter or non-matter, for a single purpose. To be known. In a Hadis Qudsi, Allah mentioned,

“Kuntu kanzan makhfiyya, fa aradtu an u’raf fa khalaqtu al-khalq" which means, "I am a treasure that is hidden. I seek to be found and thus I create."

Creation is fundamentally the consequence of the divine attribute of being the Creator. A creator who does not create is something of a contradiction in terms. This is not to say that God needs His creation. God is free from all needs. It is creation which needs Him. But, as the greatness of a writer becomes apparent in his writings, the perfection of the divine creative attribute is manifest in creation. Creation in the true sense is unique to God alone. Although humans ascribe the act of creation to themselves, what they do is not true creation. Humankind merely manipulates what already exists - what was already created by God.

And thus, Sheikh Hisham mentions, a few concepts or perhaps, structures, in which we all can achieve that one goal. To long for the divine, as how He longs for us.

The main process in which a human soul must take a paradigm shift to achieve that longing towards the divine would be the process of purification. It is then one can obtain the title 'insan kamil' or pure human. When a human soul possess that desire to change, to move, to illustrate, and perhaps, to soar, few concepts must be applied in order to sustain such flight.

Concept of Hasanah

In the Quran, Allah mentioned:

"Rabbana Atina fiddunya hasanataw wa fil Aakhirati hasanataw wa kin adhabannaar."

"Our Lord! Give us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and save us from the punishment of the fire."

Qur'an - Suratul Baqara 2:201

Sheikh Hisham's definition of hasanah, in which many would define it as 'mercy', 'saviour', 'goodness', is simply the Prophet himself, Rasulullah SAW. In the Quran, Allah mention:

"We have only sent you as a mercy to all the worlds." (Surat al-Anbiya': 107)

This word, mercy, can only be referred to our beloved Prophet SAW!! Masya'allah. And thus, it was even mentioned, in the quran, 33:56-

"Surely, Allah and His angels send blessings to the Prophet. O you who believe, do pray Allah to bless him, and send your Salam (prayer for his being in peace) to him in abundance."

Thus, the definition of hasanah is in fact the potrayal of obedience and love for our Mualim. It is in him, Muhammad pbuh, that we need to confer in order to gain that longing for Allah. It is in this certain unique man, this Habibullah, that we need to love in order to be loved by Allah. And thus, we need to salawat as much as we can. Show the akhlak as exemplified by the Prophet himself. Do volunteer work, and hold obedience to his teachings. He holds the key to Allah's grace.

Hasanah is actually the syafa'ah given by Allah through the Prophet Muhammad. It is thus, encouraged among us, to salawah as much as we can, so that in yaumul kiamah, on Allah's will, we are able to receive Muhammad's (pbuh) syafa'ah.

Concept of Ikhlas

Sheikh Hisham mentioned about the ritualistic act of obedience to Allah that must be accompanied by the essence of sincerity. He related his idea with a example from the sirah of Rabiatul Adawiyah. After her husband died, she relentlessly prayed to Allah, gave up dunia in search of Allah's grace. It is in her total obedience that worried the ulamas at that time. This was because she is a widowed, and they urged her to be married, for security reasons. She affirmly declined, stating that she do not have time for marriages. Simply because she feels her istighfar is not enough. When asked why, she simply mentioned that her first istighfar is not sincere, so she istighfar again, and she then feels that her second istighfar is not as sincere as the first, and thus she istighfar again, and still she feels it is not sincere enough.

Therefore, sincerity must be the major factor in any rituals that we do in our daily lives, in order to achieve that longing for Allah.

Concept of Reflection

Tasawuf is actually a derivation of the word, 'suf' meaning pure, or clear. Sheikh Hisham encourages us to learn to punish our hearts, and reflect ourselves infront of the mirror, on the things we have done, internally and externally. Self-reflection holds the power to soften our raging hearts, diminishing every flames of earthly desire. Henceforth, we need to educate our hearts, keep telling them not to rebel.

Concept of Conspire

This is an obstacle. According to Sheikh Hisham, one who conspire and backstabbing another ummah will be the biggest obstacle in the path towards Allah. He mentioned about how a man in yaumul kiamah, who was oppressed by another man. The opressed then complains to Allah, and thus Allah the Most Just took away the opressor's good deeds and gave to the opressed. Still, the opressed is not satisfied. Thus Allah took away his bad deeds and gave to the opressor. And Allah asked, is this enough? Are you satisfied? The opressed thus was satisfied. Allah ordered him to forgive the opressor. And after the opressed forgave that sinned man, Allah said, "Do you think that you are more merciful than I am? I forgive this sinned man, and put him in Paradise."

Masya'allah!

However, one must realised that if you do bad things to God, He is All Merciful and will forgive you, but if you do bad things to a fellow human, you must ask forgiveness from the person. And as the person's mercy is limited, thus it is important for all to consider the effects of Hablum minan nas. The relationship from man to man is thus, imperative in our journey.

Concept of Movement

A person from the crowd posed a question regarding the Sheikh's perspective on Jalaludin Al-rumi's theory of uplifiting.

Sheikh Hisham explained in terms of metaphysics.

In this world and more, everything is moving. From the largest celestial body, to the tiniest atom. Moving at a certain speed. Some constant. Others going faster. Others decelerating. But the question to ponder would be, where are we heading?

Movement, thus, is an attribute of a creation, drawing closer towards the Perfect One, Allah the Mighty. But then, another question would surface. How do we make ourselves, body and soul, all moving towards a unified path?

If we are able to do so, the amount of energy possessed by the person is a strong as an atom. The smaller, the faster the electrons circulating around an axis, the stronger the intermolecular forces of attraction. And since according to Newton, energy cannot be created, it can be converted, thus, this energy, constant as the Omnipotent, can be converted. As we make ourselves smaller, shedding our earthly desires, our mind, our flesh, and leaving nothing but Allah's existence, then our energy is directed to a unified path to the divine.

It is thus said, that a quiet humble man proves more powerful and mysterious, than a loud mouthed man.

Concept of Interaction

It is imperative for us to accept that a creation's attribute is that, he is dependant on another creation. Sheikh Hisham mentioned that sustaining a healthy relationship between your parents, your neighbours, your family, your friends, and the ummah as a whole is another factor to gain divinity. By helping one another, smiling, donating, sharing, and more, we not only help our community to grow healthy, but also to educate our heart to have ikhsan. Ikhsan can be defined in many forms; through akhlak, amar makruf, nahi mungkar etc. It can be with just a smile. It can be by loving one another.

Sheikh Hisham stressed the importance of love. Love can be a simple word, but a person can also view it in a sophisticated way. And yet, although love come in many mannerisms, love is still love. It is in the understanding, feelings, communication, and then the actions that we do. A lot of people misunderstood this word. Many of them confers this to just feelings. But it is more. If a person loves another person because of feelings, than it is not love. But if a person loves another person on the basis of understanding the needs, the holistic character, the personality, the will, the knowledge, and the sincerity of the person, than it is more than love.

My Personal Thoughts

I remember embracing myself, with red eyes and wet cheeks, hoping to catch a glimpse of myself amidst the tyranny of my own monster. The notion in which the Sheikh shared to us, was simply God-send. Indeed, if you were to prepare it with a paper and a pen, it would be, as mentioned by the Sheikh, as the egoistical personality that would be talking. But if it was not prepared, perhaps, or maybe, it is the heart that speaks.

And indeed my heart was talking and communing. I find myself in peace. Having that knowledge of God as the One, and always depending on him, conferring to him for help and mercy, I am suddenly transported into a dimension whereby I feel I am me.

Sheikh Hisham mentioned about sacrifices. About how this longing does not come cheap. I wonder how much more must I sacrifice to attain this love.

But ultimately, alhamdulilah, I feel I am becoming a better man. May God bless us all, amin!


PS: Mun'ish was a success! (as how we logistic peeps would have seen it haha) cause i think we did our part very well, having all the things required. I would like to thank all for the support. And hope that the passion to serve to the community does not die out. Cuz I am certain mine won't. :) insya'allah!

And to my very best friend, Samir Syirazi. You went through all the ups and downs. And like a loyal soldier, you stood beside me despite my occasional 'sarjan-like' attitude that might have irritated you. Thank you my friend. I hope Allah put you in His Grace, and I hope when you're there in yaumul kiamah, trying to save 70 people to Paradise, please do not forget to save me. For I am certain I won't forget to save you. :)

To Nabila, for always giving me the positivity in this quest. I do not know why, but somehow or rather, I felt you were more stronger than me. It is not in the strength, but perhaps, your will in the path of sincerity that makes you one of the strongest female personnel I have ever witnessed. I hope this won't end here aite. :)

To my logistic team, Ahmad, Akmal and Fiqa, who stood beside me together as one, always willing to take the next step, and without fail, you have surprised me everytime with the achievements we did together as a team. We were like Santa Clause that day. Who says we lack teamwork???? :p rubbish!

To all the uncles and aunties that I have broken the amanah, I hope you peeps forgive me. Goodness, i still feel guilty for scraping alot of stuff. It was like, we gave you an economic hope, and then, we took it back. Of course you are all disappointed. So am I. So I hope you are all blessed.

To my Mun'ish representatives; Ustaz, Fad, Mai, Azmi, Awis, Amalina and many more. We were great. The collaboration was a success. See you in a few hours! I heard Amalina nak kasi kiter surprise. I tried to dig from her, tapi she is a really tough nut. Hahahaha! Nanti2, I kasi u Abg Ezra, confirm you blang kiter semuer hehe.

To my dearest mum and dad, who has continued to support me in this event. There were many issues that we did together as a family. I am very proud of all of us. May all of us be in His Blessings. And Happy Birthday Dad!!!!! :D


Now I can relax with my 'wife' or shud I say, my guitar. Hahahaha!


Next up, DANCING!!!!!! My adventure will never end. :p

a question.

An excerpt from a novel yet to be published, "The Rose, the Angel, and Me."


I tried to place myself in a world without fear, without pain, and an alarming piece of jigsaw from a time without space nor gateway to relinquish the evil of men.

And as I sat in that dimension, eyes shut so tight, lips sealed like a kiss of death, I saw a green meadow with a garden of fresh fluer de liu, rasberries and morning dews. The trees were covered with Sundus of great mellow.

I opened my eyes and asked the Angel, who was staring at me with that alluring eyes of hers.

"Is it true that every men who yearns the pandora box of life must go through a path of solitude?"

The Angel, despite the unclear sky of doubt that was hovering above us, took my heart from that space and asked me," What does your heart says?"

I looked at the heart that was beating with a rythmn of relentless serenity. It was sparkling. I hold the beating heart close to my ear and asked, "What is the answer?"

The heart kept beating. There wasn't an answer.

Impatient, I asked the Angel again, "Is it true, that every.."

The Angel interrupted me with a smile.

"If you are not ready for an answer, then let it be. Just continue to close your eyes. And let it be. Just continue to walk. And let it be. Just continue to embrace. And let it be. Just continue to love. And let it be."

I chuckled at the last statement.

She took my hand and shook it.

"What was that for?", I asked.

She smiled, almost like a silent whisper,"Love is a mystery. Up on the silver screen. All in good time."

~~~

I pondered at her words as I saw the Angel blew the clouds of doubts away that grew storms of discontent.

All in good time.

Then I knew.

And so I prayed, arms wide open.

"Oh Lord of the Universe, have mercy, and give me the patience to seek the answers."

It is not until then, that I knew, it was not up to me to decide upon the questions, nor put judgement on the actions of what I desire. It was never up to me, nor people, not even the Angel. It was just Him. The Omnipotent One.


I think I am not ready. But my heart says differently. I leave it to God to make that decision. :)


Marry me Juliet.

God-conscious

Past few days were a bitch.

With all the commotion of Logistics doing more than they are supposed to, I wonder why I even sign up for this.

Although I must admit I went in with only God as a purpose of salvation.

I remember overhearing my mum advising her students while I was on the com yesterday.

"God will test the ones He deem to be God-Conscious."

and

"Sedangkan orang mukmin akan berkata, Ya Allah, kenapa dikau tidak memberiku ujian? Adakah kau tidak mencintaiku lagi?"

I try to place my heart among the mukmins who are not scared of the likes of dunia.

It was a peaceful retreat.

And soon after Allah gave me solutions, hopes, and strength. I was red-eyed nearly the whole day at work upon seeing His undying Love for those who are patient. I placed all my fingers and pointed it back at me, and told God, that I do not deserve all this for I am sinned.

I love you ma.

I still remember the words you whispered in my ear before I left to work with a restored spiritual uplift.

"Setiap ujian ada hikmahnyer. Sebagai keluarga kita harus mengahdapi semua dengan hati yang ikhlas dan reda. Hanya dengan ujian Allah, kita mampu tahu bahwa Allah tetap mencintai kita. Mama doa agar semua anak2 mama mendapat kesenangan dalam menghadapi ujian Allah."

Alquran, surah Al-Insyirah, verse 4-5.

"So indeed with hardship is ease. Indeed with hardship is ease."

God himself has promised that. It is up to me to believe. And I believe you, oh God of the universe and beyond.

Something for me to ponder..



Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life
surviving if he can

Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
and as faced the sun he cast no shadow

As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride

Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life
surviving if he can

Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
and as faced the sun he cast no shadow

As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride

And as he faced the sun he cast no shadow