Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Somethings at heart..

We both know, its better if we just let it go.. (Taufik's single, ONE LAST)

Guess i just have to be honest. Like how my principal commended on how honest and open i am cause he never ever come across such student like me.

That was a different story. I tell ya later.

Im telling you the things i have in my heart.

Something i wud never tell to people.

My principal's voice still lingers in my heart.. "Hazlami, sometimes we have to share our problems with the world. Share it with others. Share it with your friends. What you say is true, that we cannot trust people so easily, but look at us. You are telling me all that u have kept in you. Is this a trust between a teacher and a student? I believe so. Then comes another question. Why me? Why must it be the Principal you trust when even your bestfrend you cud share it with? I must answer that. For i am older than you, and u know that i have come across a lot in life. I know what you are facing, and i acknowledge your bravery on that. But believe me, even sometimes heros need comfort."

That was it.

I am inspired by his words.

He was like a father to me, and he even arranged to have lunch with me in term 2 when i'll show him my good grades for common test.

Then again, somehow i realised something.

I am Hazlami.

Anak kepada Zawawi.

And i must be proud of the bearer who gave me that name.

Not to let you down.

So i must say, "Fuck chemistry. Fuck Physics. Fuck Maths. And of course, FUCK MALAY!!! (aku dabis pon kene buat melayu, bodoh siak!!).


WHy do i say this??

Coz i have to learn to "LOVE" them.

Wahlau.

Chem oklar, tapi MATHS??!?!?!?!?!

Mampos aku. Mesti kene screw ngan mak bapak. Fucklar. Tapik, aku think that i have to think skewl as " A POINT OF INTEREST"???

What the hell????

Oklar, hazlami, aku raser you can do it.

Mr Tan (my principal) says "I hope that wen you get your A's, you'll remember this time, our dialogue. Then you'll know how it feels like."

And yes, i promised him i'll study hard.

Mcm lagu Taufik Batisah : In my mind, i can climb, all the mountains that surrounds me..
My spirits there, where eagles dare to fly.. In my heart, there's a spark, that can light the world around me.. An open door where i am sure dreams are.."

Oh ya, telupa tipah tetipu aku.

Sebenarnya, aku kene jumpe Pengetua bcoz i always pon skola hahaha..

Yelah, im naughty ryte.. haha.. so naughty till i caught in my own shit haha..

Summore si Mickey Tan tu nak jumpe mak bapak aku, confirm mati.. so takpe, aku kene tabah..

Counselling pon ok.. Tadi kene jumpe Ms Josephine Liao bebual batang ngan dier.. Ckp pasal masalah aku.. Turut accompany diri yang fana ini ialah air mata yang bercucuran.. Sedih.. Tak penah aku nangis depan seorang counsellor.. haha..

Anyways, ader lagik satu aku nak berbincang..

WHAT IS LOVE??

Piar dosti hai, kata Shah Rukh Khan. Hahaha, memang benar kata2nya..

Tapi, pada diri ini..

Cinta itu sesuatu yang indah, yang perit. Sesuatu yang sukar untuk dicari. Jika ia hilang, maka susah unutk hati itu dikembalikan.

I know you are reading dis, dearie.

Do you know that you are so special, coz i can't deny that you would go to the extent to wait fer me till i find my heart that was broken..

Indeed, i must admit, that since Hazlami is honest, i'll tell you..

When i found love for the first time in my life, i never felt so much happier. First love is always hard to forget. A love so unconditional, i dared say. Betul tak best fren??

Love made me go crazy. I did a terrible thing. I hurt the person who loved me so much. I didnt appreaciated her love. I was drowned by my selfishness and self-esteem, till i forgot how much does it take to love someone. I was wrong. I guessed the beginning. But i didnt expected the ending.

Now she is far away from me. So far that i know, the once love we both cherished was gone with time. And to tell you the truth, i felt so hurt. Betul tak nadiah? I called my bestfren even, to tell her how i feel, how hurt i was. I wanted to end the pain. The thorn in my heart. Not thorn, but actually the emptiness in the place that once stood a pice of me- my heart.

However, some part of me didnt want to end it. The emptiness yearns for the heart to come back. I picked up a few pieces of it, but i guess some of it is left with her.

And do you know what was it that was left with her? It was her teardrop. Yes. Her teardrop. Her teardrop when i hurt her. The teardrop when i was in ill-spoken situation. The same teardrop that warmed my very soul. And that teardrop carries one thing. Love.

Asmaradana. Kemuncak cinta. Haish.

Love is great. But i did a mistake which i didnt intend to repeat it.

What i need is time to find the pieces of my heart back so as to continue my journey.

That's why i am a phoenix.

Arjun rajawali.

The legendary bird.

Who flies here and there, in search of something that can soothe its soul.

That can stop it from singing somber serenades.

Love it is.

Pure love.

My abang say, "Pure love is where you love someone without asking the return favour."

Piar. So complex. Not for a person as complex and sophisticated as me.

Piar. So beautiful. Not for a person as ugly and beastly as me.

Piar. So painful. Not for a person as weak as me.

[Dan niat suciku takkan disiakan.. Dan di suatu masa.. Di hari yang indah.. Kuhulurkan tanganku.. Lalu kau, terima..] (Suatu masa from MNASIR)




Monday, January 17, 2005

Long time never post.. Sure lotsa stuff to be discussed..

Heyya peeps! Sori i didnt update my blog. Im at skewl now, supposed to do ML stuff, but guess wad?? F*ck it man. I need to loosen up, yal. Its been a creepy but enlighting kinda week fer me.. Wanna share it wiv yal aite..

Monday, 10 January 2005

I received the FIRST call from my brother. I totally miss him, u noe. Not that im gay or wad lar (dun get the wrong idea lar, dok.) Its just that i miss the so-called 'brotherly' affection (this includes the frequent fights, arguments, curses and things liddat, muahaha) he usually give me. I miss his jokes, his curses, his KUTOK's, and most importantly, his view over an issue. He always gives satisfying kind of opinion on a certain problem i face (but i disagree that a good friend of mine is a bitch. Cuz in fact, i feel that it's just fate. But we are still frens, close frens, i think. And letting her go was an essential part cuz i think that she deserves a better person than me, for im too complicated for simple life)

He called, saying that, "Siallah. This place sucks. My frens ok lar, lots of them nerdy. I couldnt pray my morning prayers cuz damn sergeant asked for a fall in at 5.45am?? (f*ck man, damn blardy early.. CONFIRM takleh bangun wakakaka)"

I took control of the room, but despite that, i feel a certain emptiness in me i have never experienced in my life at all. Imagine, living with a person for your whole life, sticked to him like glue, than suddenly, he left. Shit ryte.

Wednesday, 12 January 2005

It was CCA CARNIVAL. It was fun though. Siang2 kena put up the displays and all. Our banner was like f*ck. Damn seriously like mini-me, if u noe wad i mean. Then, as i was walking ard fishing for live and new breeds of fishes, i walked pass the hall and guess wad?? There was a live band performing.

I got three words to describe them.

"Shut up, suckers!"

Seriously, it is a commen sense thing that you choose a song suitable for your pitch range, not of the crowds favourites. Dahlah nyanyi cam topekong bawah blok aku (ade org mati bawah blok, mira msg me and freak the shit out of me. They were praying BUddhist stuff, mcm Gregorian gitu, wahahaha), abeh nak stab nyanyi SUM 41?!?!?! Ape siak. Balek nyanyi pat dlm jamban lagik baguih, muahaha!

Saw this nice-looking gurl (she is from swiss, i think) who caught my attention all of the sudden. Invited a few ml students to join MLDDS, and stuff liddat. And finally, balek lambat pasal pi joget BORIKITO mass dance ngan EXCO.. muahaha.

After that kene ajar tuision, pastu carik rezeki sikit baru balek lambat giler tahap maksimum.

Friday, 14 January 2005

MLDDS ORIENTATION was F.U.N!!! The only reason is that i bastard this particular group when we were playing the Treasure Hunt thingy. I was farkin fed-up when my group cudnt find our clue, so when i saw this group's clue, i threw it in the bin, muahahaha!!! Pantat sae, haz!

Abeh, ingat dapat balek sesame budak swiss tu, skali si SALIHIN tu nak pi make-up plak. Bodoh nyer budak, wahahaha. Cume nak buat kawan je kan kan. Tapi seriously, i talked to my BES FREN (you noe who u are) and she herself agree i haf lost my MOJO. Singlity (no such word, but wad the fark?) is my nature, i daresay, and i cudnt make up my mind to making gurls in my life ryte now.

Saturday, 15 January 2005

A slackish day, i daresay. Had a date with my dear fren aishah- she blanja me @ Coffeebean sae. Mahal nak mati. Serious nyer. Makan Brownie ngan chocolate drink, i tink. Sedap tahap maksimum. Dahlah sedap, kiter bebual punyelah panjang (kalo koghang keluar ngan aku, confirm aku leh bebual panjang, pasal aku creative mat.. hahaha, bedek sae..) Macam dah lamer tak jumpe gitu. Muka dia masih samer, cume rambut dier tukar je. Ok pe, aku tak kesah mat. Mcm china doll gitu. And u noe wad??? Ade hati dier ckp aku mcm MAT!?!?! AKU=MAT???!??!!? Tak mungkin.. Siak je.. Den we walked ard Westmall, den went to cwp where she went shopping and i hadta leave her cuz i had to go for this wedding thingy, which was a total stupid thing cuz i wasted my time there. So ya, everything was SUPER COOL. Hope that it'll continue that way.. Dun wanna lose a person like her, u see..

Sunday, 16 January 2005

SINGAPORE v/s Indonesia.

Battle of the Century.

We Won.

Finally.

Lions R.O.A.R!

Proud to be a SPOREAN!!

TO bad cudnt watched it for real. boohoo, no tix ma. Fark man.

But nvm, watched the battle, with my windows shut cuz sum eerie Buddhist people praying downstairs, that freak both me and Mira. Cudnt sleep man.

Monday, 17 January 2005

Lotsa stuff to do. Homeworks, tut, projects. But shit man. My COM SPOIL!!! Damn blardy viruses. Once i finish my project, i'll reformat the damn whole shit and reinstall NORTON ANTIVIRUS 2005 (takleh pinjam, aku beli original tau, nak pinjam tolong blah, kahkahkah. Kak nana nak pinjam boleh, tapi i think u already have once Cik Fadlon dah reformatkan ur com)

Hot News.

For those bastards who keep on tagging stupid shit on my blog, let it be known that Hazlami dislikes the fact that personal stuff is being discyssed here cuz lots of people is viewing my blog. Im pissed of at this particular person, who dun haf the right mind to RESPECT people. Yeah, the word RESPECT should be emphasized. And yet, it seems that the Wise One thinks she is the right person. Nah, forget it right, kan Ain? (Ain CCKSS tau haha) You know me 'well' enuf that im a forgiver and not sum bastard guy rite. You 'know me well' enuf to expect that Hazlami forgives, but will never forget. Hazlami, yeah, sumtimes 'CAN' be a jerk, he accepts that, he juts need the RESPECT, if you noe wad i mean, from 'certain' people who claims, "I Noe YOU!!" but actually doesnt noe the fact that HAZLAMI is unique in a way he has a COMPLICATED LIFE and only his CLOSEST ONES (MIGHTY 7) would know. For he trust nobody better than them himself. So Hazlami pleads to yal to kiss his ass and RESPECTS "WHO" he is, not
WHAT he is, right kak nana???

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Bored nak mati, tired like f*ck!!

Heya punkers and airholes!!

Damn tired sia. F*ck man. So many hmwork!! Been doing like house elves here. Maybe im in need of SOS more than the tsunami victims, hehe.. JUST A JOKE AITE???

Bless me, u noe wad??

My brother, MUHD HASANUL ARIFIN BIN ZAWAWI left spore to answer the call of NATIONAL SERVICE.. Thats GREAT!!!

Not that i hate him or wad, i tink its good for him, to learn to be a man, while im still a small fry still shitting in ma pants!!

And u noe wad?? I cried in front of the computer in MLDDS room in AJC in front of the BELO'S when i read my brother's post for me and my family.

Its been so long since i ever cried.

And to think that his advices was just "Adeq, dun go look after gurls and study" was the most LAMEST shit i eva heard, really, it touch my very soul, to think that he do care for me after all. I always respected him, never did hated him. Only pissed of, for sum unplanned moments lar. BUt cum of it man, i DO LOVE HIM u see..

My best fren needs my help, i dare say. She cudnt adapt to wad she is in now. My advice??

Stay where u are man, and try to think straight.

I got into that kind of shit before, and i wish it never did happen to anyone though. But then again, duncha worie aite. Anything call me. I can make or carve a smile on ya face, make jokes or kill myself. That shud do it, wahahahaha

Next, yesterday...

was...

the MOST...

BESTEST CIP..

I ever experience..

bcoz...

I TOOK A PICTURE WITH NORALIZA OSMAN!!!!

THE MISS UNIVERSE!!!

AND..!!

SHE TOUCHED MY ARSE WHEN I TOOK PICTURES WITH HER!!!

NOT ONLY THAT!!!!

I DID TOO!!! (sikit jer, tak sex maniac ar, wahaha, tapi i just put my hand behind her, kene sikit lar.. hish, dosa dosa..)

WAHAHAHAHAH!!

And..!

I tink i look like my IDOL yesterday, COOL!!

I went to orchard with the guys, then i went home, i felt kinda chilly, so i took out my black coat, and wear them. To think that my dog tag slipped out, i saw lotsa ppl kept looking at me. I thot., hey, i did zip my pants ryte?

i double checked them, and yup, coffe shop close liao

but.. They are looking at me still. Shit ryte

But when i enterd 190, i look into the bus mirror and, wahsey, a new star is born (cam betol je wakakakaka)..

I look like Taufiq, not exactly, but like a follow up to wad he usedta wear..

NOT A MAT, but, a hiphop RnB soulman..

i talked to HAZRUL NIZAM, by the way, the singer who sang KAULAH SEGALANYA at the MENDAKI CLUB TEA CEREMONY yesterday at Sheriton Hotel. Talked to him in the toilet. And i told him i love to sing. So he gave me a couple of tips.

Come on, gimme some tips, i say. I'll prepare myself for TALENTIME in feb.

Lastly, to my bro, take care and love ya always..

I very bzlar, gotta go.. i'll post the pics i took later k, bubyee!!!

Piss off, god damned airholes!!

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Totally confused to the max!!

here i am typing my shit away...

Some things do have change, but some things can never ever change..

Wad's there is there, and i'll keep it all the way...

The promises i've made, shall be kept in a safe box

I dunno why i feel like tis, i thot it wud go away...

But my big broder (love you) once told me, "I love her, deq, and there is nothing u or i can do about it. Even if i try as hard as i can to forget her, but i can never ever do that. Is this pure love, deq? Abg dunno, and it still hurts no matter wad. I'll leave it to ALMIGHTY GOD for He knows what is best for me. Till then, i shall keep this feeling and persevere on..."

Wad does he meant by 'persevere on'??

I dun understand...

Confuse i remain..

Why is dis feeling so overwhelming..?

Must call nadiah, my good friend, she understands me like my own sister...

Must tell my dear fren kamarul, nasir and brennan..

Must ask my beloved brother...

Must ask... ....

Mighty six...

i dun understand.. totally feeling as numb as ice..

But one things for sure...

Muhd Hazlami Bin Zawawi: He can never forget..........

peace out.