I've yet to post about the Prophet PBUH since it is the month of Sya'aban, but im not given the time to think. Its always work work work. Gone were the days that I enjoyed typing or thinking on Sundays, where the process usually begins in the toilet.

How I really wish I have a new job that only eats up my weekdays, and I am able to do community work on sats, and on sun, some time alone with myself. Well, that's the perks of being single see. When others have to report strength to their mates after work, I can simply enjoy the Orchard breeze as I pillowed thru the thousands of shoppers blistering within the compound.

I have a few job options:

1) Work with MCYS, get paid while do community work, but the pay is nuts, and yet the sat sun is free for me to wallow myself in my own domain.

2) Work with HP, go to schools and be an IT assistant, that way it'll be 5 days a week, the pay is quite good, plus its 8-5, so im able to teach tuition, or perhaps, work abit harder by taking up part time jobs, and still, my sat sun is untouched.

But option 2 requires a help from a friend, who hasn't been able to provide me with the necessary details due to lack of time and the ability for a guy to multi task. That's why im kinda disappointed see. But still, im being patient.

Its just that, the more I work in DFS, the more sin I commit. People keep complimenting me, say how gd looking i amla but in fact when i see the mirror I look like a burnt chicken with horrible specks, and how hardworking i amla, but in fact im like stoning all the way, my mind wandering to another part of the universal dimension. And there are so many women who flaunt their wealth and body. Some japanese and PRC even gave me their hotel room number, or waiting for me to finish my job so they would want me to bring them ard Singapore. They offer me service.

Look, I ain't a prostitute, nor do I qualify to even look like a male gigolo.

I think they need a spectacle change. Cuz the way I see it, I look terribly ugly.

Anyways, I have been reading this book entitled, 'God's debris', written by Scott Adams. Basically, im getting more and more fanatical in thinking as I scour thru the pages.

Goodness, how many questions can a human being answer sey? Its like, God is the universe, and we are just a 150ml bottle. You fill me up to the rim, the more u fill the more it overflows. So the limit in a human's mind is, well, limited I would say.

Anybody care to share with me job options? Anyone?

Duh, no one is. Bleargh. So much for humanity. Hehe.

Btw, I dedicate this song to all the people of the world, suffering from war, poverty, opression, political instability, disease, and the worst, cancer.

May God put His love in our hearts so that we can spread it to all, to everyone, for that is lacking in the hearts of men.

As the 18th of August glooms even nearer, my mood goes depressingly awful. What shud I say? What shud I think? What shud I feel?

The person is ready to listen, to just keep quiet while I begin to slowly open the cracked mask that has been my face for ages, unveiling the scarred inner me that will shocked everyone.

And here I am wishing that everything is ok.


Yesterday, I learnt something called sacrifice. I took MC and got two days, just so that I could help my mum prepare for family prayers on Nisfu Syaaban. I was plagued by worries and doubts over my position at work now, and being an almost perfectionist, I craved to go to work. To prove that I am an asset. But after seeing through my mum's eyes, and some sense and pushes from dad and a fren, I made it thru the test. Alhamdulillah. Anyways, I wun be staying too long. Was thinking of tendering my resignation sooner than you think.

I can never sacrifice my solat and friday prayers druing Ramadhan, if i do, it is better that i dun fast. Cuz solat comes 2nd before puasa, its like a chain of dominoes. Never do one pillar, the rest will give way.

In Nisfu Syaa'ban, the Prophet has promised his ummah that all shall be freed from hellfire under God's blessing and mercy except 6 kinds of people.

1) The few who drinks
2) The few who conducts or get close frequently to adultery
3) The few who has a heart of stone
4) The few who likes to spread misunderstanding/ fitna
5) The few who likes to use physical violence on the weak
6) The few who has goes against and are sinned against their parents

May Allah shed light on me, for I am sinned. Look at me, I am paying the price for the sins I have done.

And after the yassins, it cleared my head and tears can never stop leaking out of my bespectacled eyes.

I kept seeing my faults, not deserving to gain entrance to Paradise, how I did wrong, my guilt for dian, and my mua'lim Haji Salleh Meerasa, my teacher of spiritual Islam, is really sick. He is in hospital now. I have followed him, and his Maulids, zikr, and salawats for more than 5 years.

In May, he looked at me and suddenly said, " This boy has hope, this boy has hope."

I did not know what he see in me, perhaps a person who has khashaf like him cud truly see something in me. When I have given up on myself, he put hopes on me.

But what kind of hopes? If it is success in life, then alhamdulillah, but if it comes with the path of sins, then I guess I'd rather have a simple life. But if this hope comes in a shape of taufiq and hidayah, then I guess its much much better.

Ameen.

ps: I'll see you tmr dian. And you'll be able to see me the whole month of Ramadhan. I'll never stop praying for you.

I don't know why but I find this song really soothing and relaxing, apart from the cute jap girl, really reminds me of Mikomatsu Fuguro, my jap friend of whom I made friends with during work at DFS.



Somehow or rather, everytime i see her stupid email, it makes me laugh hehe. Like, her english is way so bad, and how everytime she'd be correcting my jap.

"Must add ta at the back of masu, to say it in the past."

Say what in the past? Oh.. Past tense eh... hahahha..

Like duck and chicken talk.

Still remember how her eyes went so big when i say, "Kaili wa, nani kookku deska?"

Hahaha... Cute girl..

If im going to Japan with a friend, she'd be our tour guide. Easier ryt?

Hahahhaa! About direction wun be a prob, cuz its a simple verse of 'migi' and 'hidari' and 'okumade'.

Speaking of which, I had a great fun during our Family Chalet aka Buang Famlay Day. It was such a pity that I had to join them later cuz I got work. And so, all that was left was a guitar piece of 'Apa Saja' by KRU with me and my bros, and setting up of my hammock before going out to karaoke with my cousins for the first time. And damn it was good!

I slept in my hammock, and suddenly I was transported into memories of Brunei, how I laughed at Taufiq upon his stupidity cursing the ants that piled up on his boots till I slept, how he begged me like a puppy so that he could share some luxury of comfort in my hammock which was absolutely implausible, and how I carried the stupid heavy signal set more than half of the journey. And I didn't open that hammock eversince I last washed it back in Brunei, that was 2006 sey. Hahaha. Then how I teased Taufiq on how pathetic he looked with his swollen footrot-diseased like feet. He can't even walk to the canteen. Hahahahaha!

And suddenly I kinda missed all of them. Din, Wanpee, Taufik, Izhar, Sufian, Fairuz Black...

Hahahaha!

Enjoy the song while it last. :D

Finally MTV ASIA awards.

And featuring ma all time fav dance crew, the dope dancers themselves.

The Jabbawockeez.

As soon as the webbie is up, im ordering one red and one white Jabbawockeez shirt.

And im asking a friend to design a shirt for me, white shirt with a stamp 'Jabbafied' on top of it, and at the back a small lettering with my name lil tin man at the bottom.

Hahahaha.

Spread the Revolution.

bleargh, can't stop thinking. You actually made my stomach flip like, freaking more than a normal Olympic Gold medalist in Gymnastic.

Darn it.

I am torn between many many factors that threaten to create a replica of me, a bad one that is. And after hearing the woes of Harold just now, I came across a natural thought upon myself. Life is too much of a complication. Life is but all competition. Who desires the most gets what they want. Be it work, money, girl.

Sigh.

But ultimately Allah knows what hidden desires I kept in myself.

Naturally, I just want a house in the meadows, a small cottage near the sea, where I grow my own farm and stuff, where I can be with my wife and do so many things with her, gardening, and stuff. And then we can help the community there. Life like this is so simple.

Dream on dude. Dream on.

Speaking of dreaming on, here is a song for the Malaysians. I uhm, 'accidentally' put this on my blog to commemorate Singapore's 43th birthday or something.

Hehe, im just trying to push aside the earworm of the song "Home" that is aired frequently over TV and Macdonald. Shit. I don't like this so-called patriotic feeling.

If only they were to play Borat's version of, 'Throw the Jew down the Well.'

Haha. Enjoy the clip.


Yeha!!

PS: Negaraku sounds so patriotic, I still remember how the Malaysian Soldiers sang it with their hearts out, as though they really love their country. And we Singaporeans just like, sing thru our teeth. Even the chinese peeps sang it wrong.

"Malila kita bessatu.. Dengan semayat yang baru.. Semua kita bessatu.."

"Majulah, Singgapura... Majulah Singgapula......."

My blog will definitely be the most controversial blog ever. Bleargh.

Something is freaking bothering me in the middle of the night.

Wassup with anwar ibrahim seh. Stop it la, i can see you deep into your beady eyes.

I do not wish to see Malaysia end up to be a Republic country, it is Malay-sia, so the Malays shud be in control. Im not trying to be racist or what, but China is controlled by chinese, France by French, England by English, why must there be some other race that would take up the space in the Parliament of Malaysia?

Look at Penang, dah sokong PKR, skrg dah menyesal pasal apparently the Chinese who are in control there now is implementing a new system that doesn't support Malays.

I am not discussing the issue of Malays in need of support of the government. Who doesnt? Look at China back then, it was a communist country- hence, the people and the government do help each other. Why is it when it comes to the Malays, it becomes an issue of laziness and bla bla bla?

The fact remains. It is a Malay country, so dun try to take it away from them. You are causing a great deal of havoc in the country. Do not be influenced by neighbouring countries like Singapore. here it is a totally diff situation. We are sufferring silently. So please la, stop it can or not.I'd delve in this matter more when I find some time to blog.

Anyways, this song damn nicela. Its like im really saying it face to face to my mum.

Mengapa kanta ini masih berkaca
Sedangku telah pun terima di dalam redha
Segala kepahitan
Pengalaman menjadi penawar
Mengejar impi ke pintu Syurga

This is totally true, me and my big dreams but yet struggling to fulfill one. And only my mum would see how I'd really suffer. And seeing those silent tears that filled her eyes when I told her how Im trying really hard to sustain and help the family.

Duhai bonda
Bilakah akan ku kecapi kasturi
Penebus maruah
Dan semangat lama

When oh when mama.. when can I find the path to achieving my dreams? to see you proud of me again, like how i made you proud with my olevel results? where can i find such strength and power?

Mengapa sinar neon dan gedung indah
Kotaraya yang menjanjikan sejuta rasa
Sejuta haruman
Kini menjadi penjara jiwa
Ku yang merindukan ketenangan

True mama, this life is a prison. Life that doesn't begets me from true happiness. Life that doesn't offer us much room for comfort. You have to struggle so much for me. For us. Oh mum...

Duhai bonda
Hari-hariku kini berlalu
Bagaikan bahtera
Tanpa layar dan kemudi

Oh mama.. I feel lost, so lost in this world of lies.. Only your unconditional love that'll be that guiding star..

Bonda
Akhirnya terbongkar jua rahsia
Tangisan dan gurindam
Keramat kasih sayangmu

At last I see your sacrifice, your hidden tears and laughter. It is in this moment that I see your strength, that'll make me just cry, making me feel soft and vulnerable without you.

Bonda
Saat dan pertemuan semula
Kita kali ini
Akan ku abadikan
Keramat kasih sayangmu

So the conversation that we had, the hugs and salams, doas and kisses, I will never forget them mama. I wun.

Oh! bonda
bonda

Darn. I really really love my mum.

Thanks mum. For everything.
I love my famlay. They are soo cool! :D

This is an excerpt from Taha's blog. haha, so farnie.

The Day I Lost my Sanity...

It has been a very long weekend with being sick and everything but overall, I'm still tired. Not a good connector but I don't feel like making sense now. It all started with an insomnia-themed sleepover at Samir's, or should I say a lack of sleep. Be it causing mass mayhem as the marvelous team-up of Deadpool (Moi), Iron Man (Haz) or Spiderman (Sams), or the attacking triumvirate of the no help Robinho (Moi), the scintillating Ronaldinho (Haz) or the elegant Kaka (Sams), we sure gave the PS2 a run for its money. And double-digits of consecutive gaming is by far not a joke. With nothing but cries of "Pass lah. Kau tamak siah" and "Eh, Kau better stop it..." and a solitary cup of instant noodles to sustain us, we were pretty konked out by the end of it all.

Anjakan Paradigma

I woke up in a sea of complicated headaches, a pool of berserk dreams of getting whacked by a crew of ninja turtles, ironman blasting the heads of small irritating rabbits, and of course, the usual one.

And I was greeted by the ringing of my hp alarm, indicating yet another day at work till 10pm.

Im beginning to not look forward to DFS. Its just that the politics there are horrible. So many hypocrites see, smile first, talk bad about you later. That's just awful. Really. And im like, the youngest there is, so its kinda hard to click.

I only look forward to my day offs, where I cud spent some quality time at home or with friends, or maybe perhaps doing community work too.

Sunday is supposedly the day where everyone slacks. How come I must go to work?

I think its time for me to get a new job. Something that doesn't bother my weekends, so that I can use those to do so many things. Blast. Now im looking for jobs that enables me to do community work yet get paid. Come on, volunteers are necessary, but I still have to feed my family right. Though I know its not paid well, but wth.


Recently, I had a deep discussion with Harold about how we guys tend to get desperate when we see people having a fun time with their lives and getting married and stuff. Honestly, I think it is selfish, but still, being a normal human being, I cannot help but wonder why am I still in this state and not making an 'anjakan paradigma'.

So I flipped the newest edition of men's health and presto, the answer was there.

Now according to scientific research, men takes a harder fall than women when they go through a rough patch. Why? Simply cuz of our ego. When we are high up, we tend to obscure our sights from the inevitable disaster that is approaching, shunting aside all the negative perceptions, thinking that WE are in control, and that just by ignoring it, it'll go away.

Wrong.

When it hit us hard, it becomes like the tsunami. And hell they'd be depressed. After that, they get desperate. After that.. You know what happens after that.. When you get desperate, you make decisions based on emotions, lack of maturity and thought, and in the end, it gets worst.

So I calmed myself down and told myself, let it go, and open your mind.

A distant friend of mine got married yesterday, so I dropped him a msg saying good luck and all. I kept thinking that, why is everyone getting married while im sitting here counting sheep?

Well, according to Harold, its better to count money now so that we can relax and chill in the future. Like buying dividends and stuff, so that you get paid by just shaking your leg. So I referred him to a book I once read about this malay guy who hit his million dollar mark at the age of 30. And he is not married, and he has no one but himself and his family.

Now how strong can this guy be. He can be so determined, going through so much, exploring the world of shares, brokers, property, banks, business, and he makes small businesses, and when he holds a prime place, he pays people to do his job, and hence, he becomes a CEO of his own company, and hence, all he does now is play golf with clients, go for umrah, spend time with his family, and travel here and there to expand his business.

I came across my brothers blog recently, and he posted his view of the good and the bad side of wealth, where few sufis are against the idea of richness while the others support the notion of being wealthy.

In my opinion, monetary wealth brings us to nowhere, except for the richness of the heart. And with wealth comes a purpose that we can either use it for the good of mankind, or be destroyed by self-attaching ourselves to dunia and its false wealth.

So ultimately, purpose is the yardstick or measure of one's ability to earn God's love.

By having a sense of purpose, I could actually set goals based on what I think im born to do, rather than personal glory.

And I definitely know what I'm born to do.

My purpose of living in this life of false hope.

The purpose that can overcome anything so long as I continue to believe.

So to speak, with knowing a purpose, you can overcome anything.

Like in DFS, I don't see any purpose of being there except for telling white lies of how I want to go and fill up my water bottle but actually Im praying.

So I can see that, without a purpose, the thing that im pursuing, will end shortly.


So in the midst of dreams of getting whacked by ninja turtles and helping ironman blast does irritating bunnies, I told myself.

I have moved on.

So I continued to listen to sunday morning call and dread of going to work.