I think she does not understood the power of a voice.. Perhaps im a vocalist.. She would be gone for months, years.. N i feel broken again..

Whats happening to me.. I feel so numb.. Smiling means nothing but a facial concortion of wad is known as human body language. Laughing is nothing but gases of air pumped out from my lungs.

Perhaps i cannot swallow the cold truth that i wun be seeing her for a v long time.. I never have long distance relationship before..

Msging wun be enough.. Thats for sure.. I remember when i was in taiwan, n i cudnt msg her, i went thru 2-3mountains just to give her a voice msg on the phone to say that im fine and all.. N i walked 14km just to find a phonecard for me to use to make such voice msges..

The power of a voice is by far unimaginable to me.. A singer who sings a poem with the right rythmn wud touch ppl hearts more than a poet who recites them..

I called my mum after a long week of pure ops, n when i hear her voice, after so many days of not calling her, i missed her so much.. and it made me stronger.. n her advices became more than just a msg, it became words of love n comfort for me.. N thru that phonecall, i hear the sincerity of a mother's love to her son.. N when i reached home tonite, i hugged her so tite it took her 2 mins to endure my bear hug haha..

Perhaps u wud never noe the power of voice.. Face it hazlami.. Face the facts.. Dun be weak..

*wanna go to sleep.. in my warm cozy bed i call my own 'walls of heaven' where i find the most safest, most heaven-like place on earth.. where in the dark my heart beats light that gave me the warmth, n in the dark i seek shelter frm the cruel natures of life.. n i wanna dream, of meadows.. vast meadows.. with lots of flowers of many colours.. the gentle breeze.. the warm sun.. not too hot, n not too cold.. the birds chirping notes of lament beauty.. no mozzies.. n there, beside the meadows, is a small cottage, with a small garden of flowers that i grew. in the house there'll be a couch with a thick blanket infront of the fireplace.. my room up on the 2nd floor.. where the sides of the room have long windows.. n the roof has a curtain where when i pull it open, it reveals a window where i can see the sky.. n there i'll lay on bed, seeing the many stars that shine on me, n in the morn i cud see the sunrise to my left.. n the sunsets to my right.. *

beautiful slumber....