silent prayers

God, are you testing me..

For i feel dis heavy burden you place upon my weak shoulders once again..

I have never felt dis pain, dis so powerful pain before.. And now my angel is away, all I have left is my own soul, a heart that is beating for me, you God, my family and friends dat supported me..

I feel dis knife of sadness in me.. I cudnt sleep, all the time worried dat I might not be there for her wen she wakes up, or she is in critical condition..

I do not understand the alma tears that kept flowing from her eyes despite her being in sleep.. Is she having a bad nightmare... She must be strong.. And for that to happen, i must be strong too..

Tmr i'll tell my oc wad im facing, maybe he got solutions to it.. For i must say it wud take more than courage to face dis, especially having to juggle work, family..

Perhaps dis is wad my mum felt wen i faced dis too.. all the time worried for me.. haish..

All i ask for you God.... Is to not separate us.. She has a pure heart.. Dun take that away from me, after you taken my pure heart away before.. She is the only person dat loves me so much, dat she wud be affected by everything dat happens to me.. Perhaps she feels wad i feel.. Thou we are far apart..

After 2NTM, i told myself dat i'll go there n see her.. I'll get the authorised papers to go.. n the money to go.. perhaps u bring ariff along too..

I wanna see her.. i realli do..
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Farz... dun leave abang.. ayang pls dun leave me.. how can you be not here, if you are in my heart.. how can you be not strong, if you never gave up on me.. face your fears honey.. face it w faith in god, in me, in u, in ur family dat are always beside you.. abang may not be there beside you, soon i will, but im here in your heart.. find me there.. like how i found u in my dreams last nite.. how you cried in the corner, n how i hold your hand n told you to be strong.. how you hugged me..

Ayang.. abg is fine.. jus a bit bruises here n there.. but ayang.. im so worried about you.. i miss you..

the way you smile at me.. the way you msg me everitim i didnt reply you, "abaaang.." how you play hard to get w me, how you console me everitim im having a hard day at work or at home..

i miss you... so much...

N i love you... I love you farz...

n i'll wait for you to wake up, i promise....