Dream

Alfatehah to arwah Isz Sazli.

I dreamt about you. After 5-6 years, I finally really dream about you. And I know it is you because you never spoke to me at all, but remain there in a very comfortable manner. May Allah bless your soul, my brother.

I also dreamt in the same scene, a little baby and a man who was carrying the baby, and at that moment, he lay the baby on the bed, held the baby's palms in his thumbs, and talked to me that sounds like an advise, something like I need to read the Quran to entertain the baby, to make it happy, to instill in him the verses. And he read a particular verse which I can't remember. And all along, arwah was standing by me, smiling, encouraging.

This dream must have a message in it. The baby must meant fitrah, or my soul, and that it must be fed with Revealed Knowledge. And that would suggest the unveiling, because to simply read is insufficient, but I feel what was meant as an advise by that man, was to 'read' as how Surah Al-Alaaq taught us.

اقْرَأْ بِاسْمِ رَبِّكَ الَّذِي خَلَقَ

Bacalah (wahai Muhammad) dengan nama Tuhanmu yang menciptakan (sekalian makhluk),

continued:

الَّذِي عَلَّمَ بِالْقَلَمِ

Yang mengajar manusia melalui pena dan tulisan,
عَلَّمَ الْإِنسَانَ مَا لَمْ يَعْلَمْ

Ia mengajarkan manusia apa yang tidak diketahuinya.

This meant that the initial intention of my life should be based on wanting to know (kenal) God as my Creator. And it was He who taught us things that we do not know via Kalam. And He warned:

أَن رَّآهُ اسْتَغْنَىٰ

Dengan sebab ia melihat dirinya sudah cukup apa yang dihajatinya.
إِنَّ إِلَىٰ رَبِّكَ الرُّجْعَىٰ

(Ingatlah) sesungguhnya kepada Tuhanmu lah tempat kembali (untuk menerima balasan).

This is something that made me quiver with fear. I always thought that, ahh i know this already. I always thought that, I am the result of the things I have accomplished, and can accomplish. The term used 'hustaghna' is possibly linked to the term 'istigna' which means 'yang Terkaya' or the Most Complete Being.

Who am I to say that I am complete? By having a degree, getting a job, does that make me complete?

It doesn't.

And God remind us to return (raj'un) to Him.

That should be the basis of all things.

Masya'allah I feel so incomplete. There are so many things that I do not know, if I already know, it doesn't necessarily mean I understand or affirm it. My iman still goes up and down like a rollercoaster.

Oh Allah, grant me istiqamah..... please.