I was sad when I heard from Yoko that two good friends parted ways, and in that short span of healing, quickly get themselves attached and in the process of marriage.
Although the situation between them and us was different, I still feel sad. Partly because the guy came to me to talk about it, and somehow or rather, he lost the will to fight for the girl, and kept blabbering that she should accept him for who he is, and that if it is meant to be, then it is meant to be.
2 issues here for me to reflect on myself:
1) I didn't part with Yoko because I cannot accept her for who she is. Rather, I cannot accept myself for who I have become. I became a monster. And to have someone so beautiful in mind and heart like Yoko requires due absent of such being. If I force her to accept who I am, then if my own self is wrong, then she accepts what is wrong? What about Allah? Allah decides what is Right and Wrong, and we as His servant should stick to what has been established. Even if you love someone, you have to base it on Allah. And not mere reasoning that she should accept me for who I am. She should accept me for who I am if I am worthy and manifest the Deen of Islam as much as possible. Because the Prophet SAW mentioned that the criteria for a good person in marriage is firstly the conception of religion in his/her mind and action.
2) If it is meant to be then it is meant to be sounds fallacious. To leave all matters to Allah also require right action. Leaving it to 'fate' or 'destiny' absent right action will of course beget to the denial of the bounties that he/she desires.
A sharing from what I have learnt in my Friday classes:
What was written as Destiny or Fate in the Book of Reality of God (or Loh Mahfuz) is beyond space and time, and thus, it is actually a book of possibilities where things that have yet to materialize are being manifested within what is known as 'the Mind of God' (which even Muslim theologians face some difficulties due to the lack of accurate words to express such abstract conception of God). That is why, when your niat is to do evil, but you didn't do it, you get a pahala. Because it has yet to be materialized yet. The intentions and actions that has already been determined by God in the Loh Mahfuz, will create paths of what will happen if you choose this or that.
For instance, if I have yet to learn to pray, and I just say, "I leave it to God to give me Taufiq and Hidayah" absent right action to choose and kick start the process of learning how to pray, then of course it is already predetermined that you won't receive his Guidance.
Same goes for Jodoh. If you feel that this person is the right one, but you simply say, "I leave it to God to decide", yes it is up to God to decide, but you must also choose correctly the path that you take so that the 'inclination' towards the choice in the future is there, with the thought in mind that Allah has all the Will to change it. But on his attribute of Mercy (Rahman) He will Provide, as long as you do not Deny Him (fabi ayyi alaa irabbikuma tukazziban).
Which is why the Prophet SAW mentioned to the Badawin to tie his camel when the Badawin said, "I am leaving this camel here and I let Allah decide."
It is the effort that we put in, the choices that we make, and only after that, we tawakkal to Allah, knowing with great belief, that Allah has the Power to Decide, and make things exist (Yasin: 82). But we try our best, and THEN we leave it to Allah. We hope, we ask, or 'munajat' to Allah, before we do it, during the action, and after it, that Allah guides our actions.
Which is why I believe that their situation is different compared to mine, and Yoko. Because I insist in my choices, that I love her for Allah. And I change to be a better person, because Allah loves those who are of Good Nature (Al-Fajr: 29-30), and that is my act in returning (raj'un) to Him.
And to me, marriage is another phase, for the husband and wife to further their knowledge of Allah.
Which is why I cannot find anyone better than Yoko :) her will to learn about Allah is amazing!
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