Mystery

I tried moving to RP to do my assignment by myself.

Half way through, I decided that I can't.

As it turns out, I have never went to RP alone. Simply because, Yoko was there all the time, lending me her warm company.

So I went back home, hoping to Allah that He softens her heart.

When she told me she does not want to give hope, I refused to believe it so. Because....

Allah always provide hope.

"(Allah,) The Originator of the heavens and the earth. When He decrees a matter, He only says to it, "Be," and it is." (Al-Baqarah, 117).

There is always hope for those who seek it in His name.

And in this context, I seek refuge under His guidance and All-knowing, and Mercy and Strength, for I am just a creation trying his best to be a good servant. And that I pray, that Allah swt, the Bringer of Hope and the Destroyer of all Despair, will provide the both of us, the mending of ties (jabeer kul kaseer), and is given a chance to redeem myself.

I now see the Truth of my Desires. Indeed, Allah provides me with this test to open my heart to His Truth: To love Yoko with sincerity of His love. And automatically, all will fall into proper place. Respect, kindness, care, generosity, tender love, guarded eyes and nafs, and of course, love (al-hub) that is based on hayat (ha-hidup lawannya mati; God's attributes of Existence that surpasses all existences, and with that, the recognition of myself as His slave) and baqa' (ba-kekal, lawannya fana'; God's attributes of His existence that does not perish, eternal, everlasting, does not have a beginning or end).

And with that, the knowledge that Allah has the Will to do as He pleases, and that He can create everlasting love that has a beginning where Muslims who love each other surpasses through this life till the next, and is shown through kinship (syafa'ah from Brotherhood ties) and beyond Paradise (the final destination of Man where they embrace the ones that they love and enjoys eternal love).

Ya Latif fu ya Latif. Ya Allah, berikanlah daku peluang untuk menebus kesalahan aku, untuk menjadi seorang hamba yang patuh atas agamaMu, dan mencintainya atas pemberianMu...