Im back.. Just had a phone convo with hubby haz.. Yea, i have brought it to the next level of communication since im ready now.. Have been callin him everyday actualie.. N i think he kinda get addicted to it.. Hurhur.. Kinda funny actualie thinkin bout our very first convo.. At that time, i jus got discharged from hosp.. My throat was still sore, cause of the tube that they force down my throat to help me breathe when i was in coma.. Wad happen was my throat was very sore that i kinda lost my voice and it was very very hoarse.. I didnt think bout that actualie wen i called him.. Wen i called, haz thot it was a prank call and was negatively affected hearing a hoarse voice.. Bloody hell.. Hurhur.. Yea, but all is well now.. He says i have a sweet and "serak basah" voice which he apparently loved it.. Now then abang say! Hmpf!..

Well, i kinda promised hubby haz that i'll continue bloggin no matter wad happens, few days ago.. Kinda miss bloggin "phoenix" too.. Saaayang dia.. So here goes.. Lots of stuffs have happen actualie in this lull period of hiatus.. Hmm.. For starters, there'll be a new addition to the family.. Mum and Dad will be adopting a pair of baby twins! Nice uh!... I have been taking care of em since like a month ago? Have been very attached to em vice versa.. Its kinda sad that their parents chose to give em away.. They're my neighbours actualie.. Husband an aussie, while the wife a pan-asian.. Apparently, they said it "came at the wrong time".. WTH.. We're talkin bout two young souls here.. Cmon lar.. Tsk3..

So wad happen was, they had to be outta town, so me n my sis kinda volunteered to take care of em.. So cute, they neva fail to make me smile.. =) As long as im around, i'll take care of my babies.. Hope the adoption process is fast enough.. Damn those paperworks.. Hurhur.. Well, life has been kinda well with those two gems.. Deeply in love with them.. Okae, lemme introduce my new loved ones.. The first one is baby Aaron (Its Amir now).. Meaning thriving, prosperous, a leader "Amirrul Mukminin", born a minute and three secs later, introducing baby Abrams (now Aamar).. Meaning intelligent, great builder.. Actualie, takin care of these two is damn tiring and demanding lor.. I kinda feel haggard takin care of these two lil monsters.. Luckily we can take turns to watch over them.. For eg, I'll take care of them in the day and my sis will take care of them at nite, while my other sis will be used as standby.. Doing the dirty work, diapers n poo etc.. Yuck! Hurhur.. It rotates liddat.. But lemme tell you wad i personally feel, its worth it.. Since the parents cant be bothered bout them.. I'll take care of it.. Like wad my dear haz said, they're like a piece of white cloth.. N its upbringin will add colours to it.. If we do well, it'll either be a great piece of colourful fabric or it will either be a rug of dirt.. Takin care of those two realie puts me in a world of motherhood sia.. Everythin is bout babies n babies n babies.. Shagged... But, i loike! Hurhurhur..

Well, last two days my sis kinda asked me if i would wanna do sum charity work, n guess wad? We're playin soccer with the Aussie's National Women Soccer Team for charity! Hurhur! I loike! Kinda miss playin soccer.. Could still remember me playin for Enfield Ladies Football club when i back was in UK.. Well, i was excited but was kinda like nervous cause i felt like i lost touch in soccer.. After a few dribbles at home, some shots and leg juggles.. Im ready! I played forward while Ruzanna played centre-back cum striker and Suzanna played defender.. I managed to score the opening goal after Ruz gave me this beautiful header.. Let it fall on my chest, fall back n at the half volley (kicking the ball just after it bounces off the pitch), i just whacked that ball thru the goalie.. I scored sia.. Hurhur! The cheers was like loud uh.. I felt so good u knoe! Could see my parents cheering,, Hurhur.. So paiseh.. Bet my mum would go like talkin to the person next to her "Dats my daughter! Dats my daughter!" The final score was 2-1 after a penalty shootout.. We won.. But.. Nah, its just a friendly.. Was awarded the "Most Promising Individual Award" though.. After that, needless to say the sudden surge of popularity, hugs n kisses from guys n gals.. I never layan the guys much, jus smiled, look down n walk away.. Not like my hubby haz... Go n layan some minahs.. Hmpf... Merajuk uh!! He challenges me to play soccer with his soccer team wen im back.. Bring it on dear.. Then he told me "But we play topless tau, tak pakai baju.." So? I wear my sports bra uh.. Blek!! =p

Oh yea.. U knoe, haz was kinda like taken aback from me? Hurhur.. Suddenly we talked bout education n stuffs.. I think he was askin nasrun if he had done his homework n u knoe he told me he missed skul n studyin n stuffs.. Some serious convo uh.. So, he told me his skul life n he asked bout mine i think.. So i just tell him uh that i was in UWC.. Went thru the advanced stream.. Did my A levels and studied Eng, Math, Comb Science (Physics and Chem), Literature, French, Spanish, Geog and History and i graduated at 15.. At the same time, i started my distant learning degree, my first yr in music.. After i graduated from UWC, i went to London and got my musical and fine arts degree at the age of 17.. He went like.. "WAD?! U DID A LEVELS AT 15?! How many subjects u take?! 9?! Kaoz.. Abang 7 subjects nak pass dah terkial-kial".. Hurhur! Then he goes again.. "U mean u got ur degree at 17?! Wad?! I thot u jus had ur A levels!Kaoz, ayang play soccer, dah dapat degree pun! OMG! Im damn lucky uh.."

Blah blah blah.. Hurhur.. Damn cute lar he.. Alar, if i can do it, so can u dear.. Im not a whizkid or child prodigy.. Maybe jus blessed i guess.. Takmo tension kae dear? Muacks... Sayaaang dia..

Hmm.. Wad else.. Oh ya, yesterday we went for the S'pore National Day Gathering at the City Hall.. Loads of Singaporeans were there, in jubilant National Day mood.. You knoe, its an irony that, we dont appreciate S'pore much when we're back there?.. But when we're away for quite a while or somethin.. Nothing beats living in S'pore baby.. Its clean, low crime rate, efficiency etc.. Well, the grass looks greener at the other side but not necessarily green.. Onlie then u'll miss S'pore.. Haiz.. Well, i was honoured to be invited to play the National Anthem on the piano during the event.. Kinda feel honoured.. Emotions starts to fill me in when i played.. Missing my loved ones back home.. =( I loved all of you wherever you are..

N guess wad, talkin bout music, a good fren of mine from Russia, Ms Anna Vinnitskaya has won The Queen Elisabeth Music Competition 2007 (named after Queen Elisabeth of Belgium not dear old Eliz of UK! Hurhur).. What i knoe is, it was a founding member of the World Federation of International Music Competions.. Its considered as one of the most prestigious, but also one of the most difficult in existence.. Kinda like the Olympics of Music.. Gotta knoe her when she was on a visit in London back then.. Lemme see.. Wad i knoe is, the Queen Elisabeth Music Competition is devoted to violin, piano, music composition and singing too.. Talk bout American Idol or Singapore Idol?.. Nothing beats this competition sia.. Its every musician's dream to clinch that award.. Its my dream too.. But wow.. Its kinda near impossible.. We'll see.. Congrats Anna.. How i wish it was FarzANNA.. Hurhur.. Well its okae.. Its alright.. Im happy for you..

Okae.. Hmm.. Dat shud be enuf for now.. Tired seh type.. Hurhur.. Tata!

Ps: Abang, later watch NDP wimme kae sayang? I'll go online and watch! Muacks!

Farz loves Haz on the day of the Independence of S'pore.. 090807..

im sick. very sick. n so is farz.

got 2 days attc. now resting at home.

wanna sleep now. :(

Wah, on duty is no joke seh..

Nasib baik aku cuti sampai dis sun! Wee! Akhirnya dapat gak aku pakai baju kurong pi masjid.. Dah lamer tak kunjung rumah Allah pat chua chu kang..

I use to do dat when i was in sec sch, my school just beside the mosque ma, so everitym got time i go n pray n relax my mind n be with God..

Betul cakap bapak aku, dahulukan akhirat, dunia akan ikot.. Mcm your mind is utter relax mode everytime you are with God or thinking of Him, perhaps its just the insignificant being of us by nature that we feel in happiness or in state of calmness wen we think or believe that someone or something is sheltering us, the ultimate being dat we believe wud help us in many ways..

thats why i believe faith and religion is very important. Islam- the submission, the way of life..

Speaking of guidance, i hope that i'd be able to talk to her dad or sumting, tell him not to go back overseas when they come back in september, luck is on my side, since there is Ramadhan in september, perhaps God is realli wif me..

She needs my presence, n spiritual presence.. N thats why she needs to stay here in spore, sana mana ada org soleh.. Im not talking about prayers at home with alot of people, dats 'umum', meaning its for the general public.. but for 'khusus', we need people, who prays all the time, zikr and salawah everyday, who understands and submit themselves totally to God, that is to say, para solihin.. orang soleh in spore masih ada, there is Syed Abbas, and there is more, ppl who preaches the way of truth and zikr not like for the public like in the mosque, but khusus..

Maulid.. dat is wad she needs.. Sultan wali-wali Jalaludin Hasan once said, "Those who bring maulid to their houses, will receive great prosperity, and peace in the mind and heart, and wen they die, they die at ease with the will of God."

How possible is this, 'maulid', a recitation or more like a remembrance to the Prophet Muhammad SAW so powerful in the eyes of God?

The prophet is 'rahmatillil alamin' - blessing to all universe..

He is the one closest to God.. His Messenger, and when the day comes, he would give the 'syafa'ah' to us to help us to reach paradise..

Dats why remembering him is remembering God himself..

Allah huma solli ala muhammad...

God says His salawah to the prophet..

Its like a 3-in-1 prayer, forgiveness, zikr to God, and pay respect to Muhammad SAW..

My last entry for this blog...

Cant seem to understand him...

Dont knoe wad he wants...

Cant seem to satisfy his needs...

Dont feel appreciated...

Cant seem to make it last...

I tried... N i tried... N i tried again... Tryin my best...

From tryin to make it better... It got worse instead...

But nothin seems to work out...

Wanting more... But never appreciates me...

So much for livin in moments...

Yea, livin in moments of hurt......

Im hurt... So hurt... Damn hurt...

Thanks for everythin....

May the Lord takes me into His care...

Farzanna the Fallen....

Amongst the freaks who create tension in my blog, i guess i forgot to update on the things around me.

1) EX SEMANGAT BERSATU was so tiring, it drains the eyebags out of me, especially zeroing the 120 plus styrs and mini-me (i dunno how to spell them haha) a day before the actual exercise

2) TODAY IS YOUTH DAY!!! DEN WAD THE FISH IM DOING?! GOING BACK TO CAMP AND ALL!! I SUPPOSE TO BE AT HOME ON OFF!!!

3) Happy Birthday to Dad MR ZAWAWI BUANG, his 46th birthday, and my lil bro Najiy his 13th birthday. May Allah bless our family wiv luck and prosperity.

4) I wun be booking out dis weekend cz i have a 2NTM duty. So anything jz gimme a beep.

5) My back is injured after a fray wiv the trees in the Lim Chu Kang forest swamp area, and now i think got possibility of a temporary downgrade wee!

6) I hate my encik.

7) Got an offer to go alaska for training but i reject cz the fact that 11 days off in lieu is given to those not going is a much better incentive!

8) Im gonna miss home! n my bed!

9) Farz, pls use the blog, ignore the freaks, jz continue to blog, dis is our way of communication kae? i noe its hard for the both of us, but we gotta stay together to work things out, especially now you're in Australia. Come back in August!! Maybe we can puasa together hehe!!

10) I love you farz


Dats all. Toodles!

The Bottomline

Dis is hazlami speaking.

The person. The original writer of dis blog.

THE ORIGINAL.

Peeps out there noe me, either liked me or hate me.

But hey, for those who liked me, im fine wiv it, we're having fun times together.

But for those who are at loggerheads at me, this is the bottomline.

THE BOTTOMLINE.

Im getting sick and tired of dis bullshit. Jason, you hurt my buddy Ariff. You try to ruin my life.

You are in Singapore. My homeland. And you're dead. Simple.

How bout dis. Be a gentleman. Meet up wiv me. One on one. Just you and me nigga. No men ard me. No one. Jz you n me. A cup of coffee. Sit down and have a chat. No violence, no nothing, jz me n u open table.

I dont wan anyone to be involved. Jz me n you. Simple?

If you have the balls to hit my Ariff, you have the balls to threaten my life, den of course you have th bloody guts to meet me one-on-one.

If you don't meet me, the nxt weekend, dis weekend im nt booking out cz im on duty, but nxt weekend, 14 n 15 july, give me a call.

Here's my number.

whoops, im not dat stupid. Reply me at my email. If you have the balls. If not, i guess you're nothing but a wussy.

Hahaha! A fish wussy who doesnt have the balls to meet the writer himself, n picking on others rather than the Original.

Yeah. Words can be jz words. We talked on theth or 15th, period ryt?

And to the rest, i dun give a shit. In fact, i wun let dis affect me or farz or anyone. I hv my frens, my clicks, my buddies, my men, my farz, my family. And i have God the Almighty wimme. N so im not afraid.

My dad use to say to me, " Dun be afraid if you're righteous, and dun let others affect you, for God is always with those who are patient."

And so i will be patient. Biar badai merempuh, adi idup, adi nglaban.

And yeah, abt the tagboard, it is an old tagboard like, 3 years of age, so i guess the time and system isnt working, sumtimes i tag the dates got all mixed up.

What i learnt from Ex Semangat Bersatu was that never believe in technology, haha.

I duncare what others think. If you're wif me, den you're wimme. If not, get lost, suck thumb, cuz i got the beauty chick not cz of my charms or my sense of humour, but cz of fate, trust, and sincerity, which i daresay, lack in many men who seeks lust from poor gullible gurls, and not a pure heart.

The end of the world is very near. Lust is everywhere. And so lacks the genuine of a men.

Men who have sex with multiple women, and married couples which in turn, destroys yet a beautiful bond of trust and love.

Men who seeks women cuz of their ego n to boost their confidence.

Men who is selfish, opprtunis, and yet, a failure to the human chain.

Where goes men who fight for their loved ones?
Where goes the men who fights for truth and honour?
Where goes the men who defends the weak?
The men who upholds moral truth and ethics?
The men who justify justice as selfless for others?

My father is such. And so is my grandfather. N i believe it goes up to my grandfathers grandfather, and so on.

And i wun fail them. I will carry on the teachings, and principles of my kind.

N let other kinds be as such to their own perspective. I dun care.

Cuz in the end im the one who will be answering in front of God for all my doings in life.

And there justice will prevail.

I never like to make enemies, i love humans as my own. If you think im your enemy, its ok. Cz i dun think id make you an enemy.

As the prophet Muhammad SAW went thru such pain in life, i shall do it too.

He never gave up. Ppl hated him, threw stones, go to war, wanted to assasinate him, and such. Ppl threaten him, he made lots of enemies.

Yet he made good frens, followers till the end of the days.

And he forgave them, and cz of that, ppl who hated him liked him.

He is a forgiver, n so i shall too.

And farz is real. How do you define real? How do you define reality?

5 senses? Nah..

To me, what defines real is the faith. The believe to love. And what if she is real? What if i post a pic of us together? Does that sent a signal to your brain, and from your eye, you make a judgement to your brain, and say, yes, she is real.

Then if thats the case, you dun have faith in god.

Can you see God? Can you see angels? Of course, if you're gonna die you'll see the angel of death, and that'll be too late.

Your mind is shallow by the will of your 5 senses. By the flaw of logics. And yes, if i cud say such, how to say wen im in camp?

4SIR does not have internet, im sorri to tell you.

See? See how shallow the thinking of humans like yourself?
Be free my friend, you may see a wall in front of you, feel it, smell it. But if you expand your mind, beneath the wall, beyond it, you'll see the world.

Haz loves farz now and forever.

Fell in a coma.. Was unconcious for few days.. Got discharged from hosp on fri 21st june.. Still recovering.. Darling haz is away with his unit on a joint military exercise with the Msian Army from 27th June to 29th June.. Misses him lots..

TO U GUYS N GALS OR WADEVA SHIT, MY HAZ IS FROM 4 SIR N HE IS CURRENTLY IN A JOINT EXERCISE WITH MSIAN RANGERS IN SINGAPORE.. DOES THE JUNGLE HAS LAPTOPS OR WADEVA SHIT FOR HIM TO BLOG OR TAG? I DONT THINK SO.. PLEASE USE SOME THOTS THINK B4 CONCLUDING.. IT WOULDNT HURT UR BRAIN TO THINK MINIMALLY FOR A WHILE..

Seems that this blog has created such a furore among sum individuals.. Would like to emphasise that this is a personal blog between myself n haz.. If u have nthg constructive to say, buzz off.. This is not ur domain.. For e record, my hubby haz is a stay in personnel in an active unit.. Would be ridiculous if its him taggin as if he has nothin better to do.. I assume e recent tags r from gals.. U knoe wad gals? Try signin up for e army n u'll knoe wad army life is like.. I dont even think u knoe wad stay in n active unit means. Basically no life.. Period.. If ur concerned bout us, appreciate it if u get in contact wif haz instead of taggin.. Ur stoopin to e same low level as some dudes did.. THAT would be much more professional albeit less misunderstandings etc..

Haz got me fair n square.. N we loved each other.. Wads so diff for all of u to understand.. FYI, im in Australia n he's in Spore.. We're apart physically, seperated.. Naturally we'll exploit every means of contactin n updatin each other.. N this blog is one of em..

U think i like being in this situation? Not being there for him vice versa n not being able to do wad most couples do? U guys n gals make me sick.. Like im not sick enuf.. Wad idiots n dimwits some ppl can be.. Wadeva!!

Farz Loves Haz on 28th June 2007...

silent prayers

God, are you testing me..

For i feel dis heavy burden you place upon my weak shoulders once again..

I have never felt dis pain, dis so powerful pain before.. And now my angel is away, all I have left is my own soul, a heart that is beating for me, you God, my family and friends dat supported me..

I feel dis knife of sadness in me.. I cudnt sleep, all the time worried dat I might not be there for her wen she wakes up, or she is in critical condition..

I do not understand the alma tears that kept flowing from her eyes despite her being in sleep.. Is she having a bad nightmare... She must be strong.. And for that to happen, i must be strong too..

Tmr i'll tell my oc wad im facing, maybe he got solutions to it.. For i must say it wud take more than courage to face dis, especially having to juggle work, family..

Perhaps dis is wad my mum felt wen i faced dis too.. all the time worried for me.. haish..

All i ask for you God.... Is to not separate us.. She has a pure heart.. Dun take that away from me, after you taken my pure heart away before.. She is the only person dat loves me so much, dat she wud be affected by everything dat happens to me.. Perhaps she feels wad i feel.. Thou we are far apart..

After 2NTM, i told myself dat i'll go there n see her.. I'll get the authorised papers to go.. n the money to go.. perhaps u bring ariff along too..

I wanna see her.. i realli do..
_______________________________

Farz... dun leave abang.. ayang pls dun leave me.. how can you be not here, if you are in my heart.. how can you be not strong, if you never gave up on me.. face your fears honey.. face it w faith in god, in me, in u, in ur family dat are always beside you.. abang may not be there beside you, soon i will, but im here in your heart.. find me there.. like how i found u in my dreams last nite.. how you cried in the corner, n how i hold your hand n told you to be strong.. how you hugged me..

Ayang.. abg is fine.. jus a bit bruises here n there.. but ayang.. im so worried about you.. i miss you..

the way you smile at me.. the way you msg me everitim i didnt reply you, "abaaang.." how you play hard to get w me, how you console me everitim im having a hard day at work or at home..

i miss you... so much...

N i love you... I love you farz...

n i'll wait for you to wake up, i promise....

pray for my farz.. she is very sick.. she is in a coma.. to all my dear frens, n perhaps my foes, i beg u..

pray for her, to all religions and races.. pray for her..

im broken without her.. i feel so lost.. so much pain.. so much remorse.. so much guilt..

i cant live without her.. god pls..

Allah Tuhan ku.. Zat yg Maha Penyayang.. Kasihanilah diri ini yang fana lagi hina.. Sesungguhnya aku tiada daya dan upaya ya Allah.. aku hanya mampu berdoa.. Zat yang maha penolong, berilah pertolongan kepada ku.. Dengan setiap dugaan telah engkau coba diri ini, namun ujian ini tk mampu bagiku untuk memikulnya.. Berikanlah kesihatan kpd wanita yg ku cinta ini dgn sejujur dn seikhlas hati.. Namun jika dikau ingin mengambilnya, masukkanlah dia bersama2 mereka yg bersabar.. dan matikanlah hati ini untuk mencintai yg lain.. dan hanya menunggu ketibaan dikau mengambil nyawaku dn bersatu kita bersama.. Ya Allah ya Tuhanku.. Aku ini hina.. hanya makhluk mu yg kerdil dan tk berupaya.. Ubahlah nasib kami ini ya zat yg menghilangkan segala kesusahan..

dengan berkat segala amalan ku, berkat kemuliaan Rasulullah, ibubapaku, guru-guruku, dan sahabat-sahabatku, berkat ku hadir dlm majlis besar maulid rasulmu, dan majlis2 zikr dan tasbih dan salawat.. berkat ku menolong ibuku dan menyayangiku.. kau berikanlah kami kesejahteraan, dan kebahgiaan, dunia dan akhirat..

i love you farz.. yesterday, today.. n forever.....

Abang?.. Ayang here.. Im in the hosp now sweetheart.. Im in the ward alreadi.. Im restin for e moment before the stupid docs start the checks and so on.. I wanna msg u, but i dont wanna disturb u sayang.. Ur gonna be in the jungle, training.. Must be havin a lot of preparations.. Cant be selfish and keep contactin u as much as i wanna.. Miss u sayang.. Loads and loads of love.. =(

Haiz, i feel so sick here alreadi.. Seeing all these sick ppl, the smell of medicine makes me quesy enough.. Luckily im in a single ward so im not disturbed or perturbed by any unsightly events here.. Ruz, thanks kak.. Thanks for being here wimme.. I love u kak... Haiz....

My Lord, I must survive.. Im strong enuf.. I'll look fear rite into its eyes as i always have.. I'll face fear and subdue it... Oo Lord, where's the warrior princess in me??.. Where's Lady Farz from the House of Syvel??.. Where is she in this dire moment when i needed her counsel most??.. Oo Lady Farz, falter this not.. Fulfil your oath to me once again... I summoned u and the Riders of Syvel!

Now is the hour to come,

Riders of Syvel, daughters of Damra!!

Foes and fire before you,

And your loved ones far behind..

Yet though you fight upon a foreign land..

The glory that you reap shall be your own forever..

Oaths ye have taken! Fulfil them all!

I need to fight this battle.. I must survive.. I must be strong... I must win it.. For my sake, for haz and that of my family.. I have lots to accomplish.. Lots to do.. Lots to see.. Lots to learn....

Mourn not Farzanna!..

For your Riders are here..

To fulfil their oath once again..

For the mighty will not fall..

When the mound is raised..

The women shall never weep..

For they shall be your standard bearers in battle..

For war now calls upon us!..

Its been long since i donned my battle gear.. Now i have to wear it again for my own decisive victory.. So help me God.. I'll survive sayang.. Ayang'll survive.. I love u sweetheart.. So much.. So very much.. Muacks...

Farz Loves Haz on Mon... 110607...

Kinda having a rough patch with haz past week.. He's been stretched busy n tired at work.. N i keep buggin him.. Led to probs i guess.. Perhaps its jus me, wantin him but i cant... Had some quarrels but make up eventualie.. Thank God.. I jus hate it wen he becomes a monster.. Cuz wadeva im tryin to say to him is not being "received properly" by him and his words tend to hurt me.. Lots... I knoe im not dat perfect and i knoe it takes two hands to clap.. But now, all is well, thank god.. And we're both smittenly in love now... Muacks!...

Well, wad can i say.. Erm.. My parents are in Msia now n my sis ruz is back wimme.. Apparently they're invited to attend PM Abdullah's weddin.. His new portugese-descent wife is a very very very distant relative of my mum's side.. Not realie close to Auntie Jeanne.. But well, off they went.. Hmm.. Not realie comfy wif the fact that he remarry again.. I knoe that perhaps its fate but its jus that he said realie love his 1st wife Endon.. N he stil loves her but he's fallin in love with another.. I mean wad e hell.. Thats not true love to ur !st wife isnt it? I dunno lar perhaps its jus my own principles in life.. Once i gave my heart to sumone, i cant love another.. N i mean it.. Haz should knoe wad im talkin bout.. Muacks!

Haiz.... Okae lar okae lar.. Wadeva it is, Selamat Pengantin Baru to Auntie Jeanne n erm Uncle Abdullah??.. Hurhurhur..

I gave him some of my piano music pieces that i played before when i was practising music.. Dont realie knoe how to put it in the blog, perhaps i leave that to my hubby.. Can sayang? Sayang abang.. Hmm.. Well, he loved my music good n was sayin that im so multi talented.. Im not baby.. Im not.. Maybe its jus dat my interest is there sweetheart.. I hope he puts it in his mp3 player, so he can listen to my songs anytime n anywhere.. N im in his thots..

=( Missed u sweetheart..

His family jus came back from a trip.. Think they went to Jakarta n Dubai if i could recall correctly.. N it seems that the whole family is sick now esp his mum.. Hope she's okae.. N my poor baby nasrun, my cute-lil-sexy-to-be-hunk-when-he-grows-up.. Hurhur.. Get well fast kae dear?.. Hmm.. Well, my darling has been tendin to the family's needs.. Cookin, washin etc.. So nice of him.. Wish im there wif him. I can help him out with e chores.. Perhaps it could be a feel of wads like if we're married later.. Hurhur..

Haiz.. Missed u sweetheart.. N ur goin to jungle for 3 days n 2 nites from Mon onwards.. Take care sayang.. Ur always in my heart dear.. Well, past days i have been cryin a lot.. Feelin kinda sad.. Cause i hafta be warded on Mon evening at the hosp for sum cardiovascular checks, tests n wad have u.. Tsk, im fine!.. Im okae!.. Why do you insist that i must get back!... Im strong!.... Sob... Abaaanng.... Ayang Scared.. Ayang Sad.. Ayang feelin lost n lousy.. Ayang hate goin to the hosp... Its a jail for me sayang.. A jail!... Even if im not sick, i feel sick there.... =(

I promised u i'll be strong sayang... I will.. Im strong... I will survive... So help me God.. Take care sweetheart.. Love u loads... I'll love u always... Muacks....

Farz loves Haz on Sun... 100607...

Sayang,

Im sorie that i have hurt you.. I didnt mean too sweetheart.. Im sorie that ayang did not do wads expected of me as ur gal.. I too feel upset bout it now..

Abang, ur my very first and last companion in my heart.. And you know that i mean wad i say.. I will not accept any other guy.. I cant live without u sayang..

I'd rather die than to not be with you...

God... I love you so much Haz...
Cried when i was playin this song on the piano...

Embun di pagi buta..

Menebarkan bau asa..

Detik demi detik ku hitung..

Inikah saat ku pergi..

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia..

Berikanlah aku hidup..

Takkan ku sakiti dia..

Hukum aku bila terjadi..

Aku tak mudah mencintai..

Aku tak mudah mengaku ku cinta..

Aku tak mudah mengatakan..

Aku jatuh cinta...

Senandungku hanya untuk cinta..

Tirakatku hanya untuk engkau..

Tiada dusta sumpah ku cinta..

Sampai ku menutup mata...

Cintaku sampai ku menutup mata...

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia..

Berikanlah aku hidup..

Takkan ku sakiti dia..

Hukum aku bila terjadi..

I love you sayang..

Gue akan senantiasa cinta kamu..

Muacks!

pain

im in pain..

"Fighting all the demons will take time.."

I got to heal fast.. cuz i feel so much pain i've never felt.. angst, sadness, it perturbs me..

I had to do it farz.. Im sorry.. Its the only way for you to realise how beautiful you are, n how much u need to love yourself first before you could love me..

Im none but a person with a black hole.. Empty like a vessel.. Thou i may seem to be cheerful and full of crap.. Haish.. I guess no one would ever understand how i think, how i feel..

There's more to abg then what ayg may think i am..

No matter what, I'll always love you, n i'll wait for you..

Hope you're reading dis, n the songs dat i wanted to pass you are all here for you to hear.. take care dear..

You seem to not understand what i meant by live in moments..

Someone taught me dis wen i was in jc1, she told me that life have to be taken a step at a time, and wen u live your life per day basis, things wud be better sumtimes..

She is quite true, but i'd rather live in moments that take my breathe away..

Let say, we are having a sweet time together eating ice cream.. I make that moment last forever, n it becomes more than a memory, a powerful patronus dat becomes a guardian..

And so, whenever im alone, in the woods, or mountains, tired and in stress, in need of an angel, all i need is to relive that moment, and it wud be enuf to make me smile that'll cheer me up the rest of the intense day.

Live by moments.. We have the power to choose which moments we wanna crystallise it to be a shell, so that whenever we feel so defenseless, we seek shelter from such shell, in that small confine space of shell, we find happiness that thou temporary, enuf to make us happy or smile..

It makes us stronger, or weaker..

All i need from you farz, is the understanding of this philosophy. This might just make us stronger...

Im always thinkin of you, day n nite..

Kau tercipta untukku farz, dan aku takkan hilangkan perasaan ini, kerna ia amat bangat sekali istimewa bagi ku. Aku tidak mampu menulis ia menjadi kata-kata, tapi hanya mampu ku suntik ia dalam irama bayu yang selalu meniup di mukamu pabila kau renung panjang di luar kamar..

Percayalah, kerna sesungguhnya hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu isi hati ini..

Its either we grow stronger, or we will fall. Its your choice. Thou im still angry, im cooling down.. I wanna make it happen ayg, n i cannot do it alone..

PS: i dunno wad to say alr. :(

smitten... :D

im having the life of passion n fun n love...

cuz my girlfriend did something none ever did in my entire life...

SHE BOUGHT ME A HARRY POTTER BOOK!!!!!!

And its the LAST SERIES!!!?!!

and i n u noe... dat mr hazlami here.. its a god damn fanatic freak of harry potter...!!!

Im like living my life with magic see..

If u look deep in my brain wen im like stoning or sumting, im nt picturing sexy hot ppl in jerseys, but im picturing myself having a wand in my hand n can wish for anything...

ANYTHING- thats a very likeable word, dun cha tink? haha..

I can just apparate to the mama shop, n back, or fly myself with a firebolt to orchard rd, or bring farz to sit with the moon n stars..

Or i can conjure myself two hands so dat they cud massage my backsoaken pain at the spine..
haha.. dream on loverboi..

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

Hahaha. im so high i can fly like superman n spin a web like spiderman, throw fire like torch, or zip my way thru like flash hahaha!!!

Im singing in the toilet again... :)

Mwah! U deserve a gd treat! :)

Gona take leave when u come back n spend like a week wiv u hahaha!

I think she does not understood the power of a voice.. Perhaps im a vocalist.. She would be gone for months, years.. N i feel broken again..

Whats happening to me.. I feel so numb.. Smiling means nothing but a facial concortion of wad is known as human body language. Laughing is nothing but gases of air pumped out from my lungs.

Perhaps i cannot swallow the cold truth that i wun be seeing her for a v long time.. I never have long distance relationship before..

Msging wun be enough.. Thats for sure.. I remember when i was in taiwan, n i cudnt msg her, i went thru 2-3mountains just to give her a voice msg on the phone to say that im fine and all.. N i walked 14km just to find a phonecard for me to use to make such voice msges..

The power of a voice is by far unimaginable to me.. A singer who sings a poem with the right rythmn wud touch ppl hearts more than a poet who recites them..

I called my mum after a long week of pure ops, n when i hear her voice, after so many days of not calling her, i missed her so much.. and it made me stronger.. n her advices became more than just a msg, it became words of love n comfort for me.. N thru that phonecall, i hear the sincerity of a mother's love to her son.. N when i reached home tonite, i hugged her so tite it took her 2 mins to endure my bear hug haha..

Perhaps u wud never noe the power of voice.. Face it hazlami.. Face the facts.. Dun be weak..

*wanna go to sleep.. in my warm cozy bed i call my own 'walls of heaven' where i find the most safest, most heaven-like place on earth.. where in the dark my heart beats light that gave me the warmth, n in the dark i seek shelter frm the cruel natures of life.. n i wanna dream, of meadows.. vast meadows.. with lots of flowers of many colours.. the gentle breeze.. the warm sun.. not too hot, n not too cold.. the birds chirping notes of lament beauty.. no mozzies.. n there, beside the meadows, is a small cottage, with a small garden of flowers that i grew. in the house there'll be a couch with a thick blanket infront of the fireplace.. my room up on the 2nd floor.. where the sides of the room have long windows.. n the roof has a curtain where when i pull it open, it reveals a window where i can see the sky.. n there i'll lay on bed, seeing the many stars that shine on me, n in the morn i cud see the sunrise to my left.. n the sunsets to my right.. *

beautiful slumber....

This blog entry is put up in response to those have yet to understand the love that me and Haz had for each other..

Yesterday, i was in the msn chattin while checkin my mails and stuffs when suddenly a guy "fren" of mine from msn get into a convo with me.. Apparently, news had spread bout me gettin attached and he soon begin questionnin me stuffs bout me n haz.. I didnt realie told him much since i view such stuffs as personal n private.. Same as in which my dad would told me to mind my own biz when im tryin to be kaypoh.. If i could quote daddy in his baritone voice, he'd bark as if i was his soldier... Hurhur!..

"RESTRICTED! STAFF IN CONFIDENCE!"

Coming back to dis issue of mine.. Dat guy then began condemnin n said stuffs which hurts me as i was readin.. Well.. simply said.. He might have liked me before.. He might have tried to court me.. He might have tried all sort of means to get me.. However u failed in ur quest.. Im not tryin to be a bitch here.. Im not a casanova, im not dat pretty.. There are other gals whose beauty surpassed me.. N for your info, i was hurt by u guys! Jus like u!.. I was hurt so bad that my past hurts and it still haunts me.. It was a trying period for me to get back on my two feet.. Luckily, my bro was around givin me all e encouragement n support i need to be the farzanna who i am.. Now, let me get this straight.. Hazlami won my heart fair and square.. With no sort of advantages given to him.. U could ask him that.. He tried his best.. I could feel his sincerity and his love.. And according to him, he now have sumthin which the rest dont.. The appreciation ofmany beauty of life, like love... So then.. The question remains..

Wad right do u have to say such hurtful words, not onlie to me but also to my haz?!

Look, u may have been tryin to get me but sorie u didnt make it.. I may sound mean but dats life.. U curse me? My love with him? Fine.. I'll keep quiet and not join this childish-swearing boo hoo game of urs.. Ur not even a gentleman to accept defeat.. Have u got no balls in doing so?

Let me get this straight and may it be etched in those mind who wished me or us ill.. Im not like many other gals out there which can be bought with materialistic riches.. Even if im so poor that u guys out there asked for my love just for a handful of rice, i'd rather die hungry.. This is the Farzanna whom i am.. I know wad loyalty n true love means.. I have my own principles in life and these are part of them.. N i shall stand by my principles, by my ground, till my last breathe.. In my heart, ther's room for 5.. The Almighty God, his Honourable Prophets, my family, loved ones.. And lastly Hazlami, who is occupying the most space in me.. Peace out bugger!

RUMIE DAN JULI

Rumie dan Julie.. Dua remaja saling bercinta.. Berjanji sehidup semati.. Bersumpah setia..

Kekal abadi oh.. Rumie dan Julie.. Lambang cinta yang suci dan murni.. Kasih sayangmu kekal abadi..

Hingga akhir nanti Oh... Rumie dan Julie.. Keabadian cintamu.. Menjadi lambang setia..

Saling cinta menyintai.. Antara sesama oh.. Oh.. Rumie dan Julie.. Lambang cinta yang luhur dan suci.. Tetap dikenang hingga kini.. Oh cinta.. Rumie dan Julie..

Muacks.. I love u sayang.. Take care..

Farz loves Haz on Tuesday... 220507...

Got sick today.. Down with my bouts of migraine flu n fever.. Damn it.. Hate being sick.. N there's no one to take care of me.. Didnt realie eat anythin for the past few days.. Had no appetite at all.. Unless u see my two bars of snickers as food of course.. Think dats all i ate for the past two days.. My hubby haz asked me to ate at least a bread.. N if he was here wif me, he would had force me to ate bread with him.. Sweet... Muacks.. Sayang abang.. But honey, dats not a good idea.. I'll vomit.. I knoe myself when im sick sayang.. Just missed u so much dear.. Wish ur hear wimme.. N for the fact that he's havin his 12 hrs duty in which our communication has to be minimalised since he's on duty.. Im beginning to miss my hubby more.. N there's no one home.. Been alone all day..

My family went to our private ranch for a day or two.. Takin a look at our horses, makin sure that the money my parents invested bear fruits.. Didnt wanna followthem, gotta take a 2hr long drive to our ranch.. Preferred to stay at home.. Well, it runs in e family.. All of us are avid horse lovers.. We love riding and i myself have two horses.. Perhaps one day, i'll teach haz how to ride one.. Hmmm... I'll make e horse run so fast dat he'll cry for me.. Hurhurhur!

Haiz.. Pity my hubby.. His back hurts.. Been complaining, i'll massage it if im wif u dear.. Serious.. U served ur duty well, standin for hours.. Must've been tiring.. Muacks *hugs*..

I'll send over the stuffs over to u okae? Hope u like it dear.. Jus a few stuffs i bought for u when i was shoppin.. Was thinkin bout you.. So, ya.. Bought some stuffs.. Specially for my dear sweet darling haz..

*Lookin forward to ur next day off sayang..* Muacks!

Farz loves Haz on Monday... 210507...
(contactable at cerca_trova_farz@hotmail.com)

Ops Bacinet - Protectors of Singapore, Silent and Deadly

Haha.. Its been a while since I've blogged.. Been busy man, got ops to do.. Real ops haha, get it u freaks at bmtc? Im in ops! Life rounds! haha.. So u better show respect to guys from the active unit that is really protecting your ass.. And ya, the country's economic interest.

Jurong Island- A land of opportunities for many investors. The air is filled with thick chlorinated gas and carbon dioxide waste. But still, the men of 4SIR never gave up, we pillowed thru the bitterness of this intoxicated land of petrol and chemical waste full of pride as protectors of Singapore..

Pilled up gentlemen! Lets go, I say to my men, as they went to draw their wives out and the thing dat keeps the terrorist out.. Live rounds..

Lock and load. Keep sharp gentlemen. Where's your posture Andrew? Shag ah? Lampa lah. I make you stand more then you noe. Dats how i usually say to my men. Gota keep the posture there. Fingers outside the trigger. Hands buckle. Stand straight, no standing on one leg. Keep your face cool calm and dangerous. Shades, wear them. Show your force. Your power..

My men and I were tested again, dis time the lab rats of the company, going in first, and taking the toughest sector in the whole ops, the imigration sector. Many people, bangla, thai, spore, china workers clustered together and make noise when they went up the bus to work in the island. The air is filled with carbon monoxide, carbon, smoke, sweat.. It was tough. Cameras were everywhere. We have to stand straight for hours. Shifts. I made schedules for them. But i have to sacrifice. Cudnt sit for 8 hrs straight. Standing and walking and reassuring my men n pushing them to show force and not yield. It was the toughest i felt. When it ended, it was satisfying. After my shift, the rest of the men from my company got better welfare with an extra 2 men. 7 v/s 9 men including me is alot you know.

My back hurts. My shoulders are aching from the weight of our sbo. But i still find it cool haha. Shades, pda, comms set, weapon, LIVE ROUNDS..

Anytime there is aggression, the rules of engagement is applied. Cock it, stop or i'll shoot!

Haha.. Din Dang Danger Dangerous!



PS: Penat sey ayg, dah kat saner penat, balik pon penat hehehe *thinkin*, but i like...

Miss you.. Come back to SINGAPORE!!! I'll PROTECT YOU!! HAHA!

And thanxs farz honey, for the stuffs u bought.. byk sgt.. hehehe..

The fallen of 3SG Isz Sazli- a soldier, a loyal son, a trusted friend, an honourable man

I am in mourn for the death of my best buddy in college, Isz Sazli. When i heard the news, I didn't know it was him till i heard it from my brother. I just msged him like 2 weeks ago saying good luck n prayers since he was going off to taiwan, and i just came back from it. N now, i cannot msg him anymore. It hurts if i think about it. Somehow, when i saw the sand falling on his remains in his grave brought back many memories of us.. Like a falling time capsule that turns out to be poison that killed me slowly..

Isz Sazli was the first friend i made when i first step into Anderson Junior College. Like a loyal and friendly buddy, it was like love at first sight as friends. I remember it as clear as the waters flowing from the alps. It was friday. He asked me, hey there, are u goin to the mosque?

I said, yeah. U coming with me? Wads ur name buddy?

He said, My name is Isz Sazli.

At first, i thot, hey, dis guy got sum problems with his 's' pronounciation, haha. But i shrugged it off that thought. I asked him again,

"Isz Sazali?"

No! He insisted. Its Isz Sazli. Till then, everytime people speak his wrong name, he will put his foot down and say, its sazli, not sazali.

Thats him.

His a guy with never a shrouding face. Always bright n sunny. Smiles everywhere. I remember buddy, you helped me when I liked you classmate, aishah. And u helped me. I still got the small cat tag that aish wanted me to have n asked u to give it to me. Its in my hands now. Haish..

N when aish left, n when i thot my life was crashing down on me, I remember buddy, ur the only friend who put ur warm big arms around me with full of sincerity, n said, "Its ok haz. Let it go. She'll realise one day that its not worth it leaving u like this. Coz she is leaving the best guy i have ever met"

Haish. I asked him to accompany me to join the kompang team, n there, we enjoyed as much as we can. He helped out when my uncle got married. Ramlie, Haikal n my bro never stopped bullying him. Still remember that nick burg video yeah buddy? But he liked it. Cuz we are his friends. N even thou they like to beat him, from a far, i see hime smiling happy, because we are his friends in college.

When we turned jc2, n my bro's batch left, he felt alone. The other malay people didnt like talk to him that much. I remember a friend of mine loved to taunt and teased him bout his ways n his words.. He didnt show up during his funeral, bless that guy, cuz i dunno whether he already asked for forgiveness. He stayed on wimme. He supported me incredibly, lining up the student council to favour me during the AJ IDOL 2005, he was wiv the crowd enjoying the music. N after the competition, he came up to me, smiling, and said, "Good job haz!"

Haish. The last time i saw him was during BMT. He wanted to be an officer, as a regular. The thing that make me feel guilty was the fact that i discourage him, i told him not to, just be a specialist, more rewarding.. Haish..

Things would be much simpler if he hadnt been to taiwan. You cud have reported sick or sumting buddy! But y?! Y did you go.... I leave your family, your fav lil sister whom u always say u wanna protect her? Leaving me?

On the Friday, 11th May 2007, I, Hazlami, lost a very good friend. My best buddy. In the field of duty.

Do u remember buddy, when you told me, i wish i cud be like you haz. People respect u, loved u. Nobody liked me. Even Zoey (his crush).

Now, Isz, u have the whole nation mourn for you. A death so honourable that many would die for.

Thank you for all the things. Thank you for all the help. Thank you. Buddy.

:(

Has been some days since myself or my darling haz has blogged..

Well, Haz is in mournin for the lost of his buddy 3SG Isz Sazli (May God Have Mercy On Him) who was killed in Taiwan due to a crashed fighter plane mishap. Both of them were buddies while in college..

It was such an irony.. Gotta know this news first hand from my bro in the morn who is with the SAF Medical Corps.. When i msged him askin him, How haf u been? N wad r u doin? My bro replied he was feelin sad.. Told me a servicemen died in Taiwan, he was his schoolmate in Broadrick Secondary School.. (refers to the aruah)

He was doin some emergency overseas screening for some SAF doctors who was activated to go to Taiwan to be on site there.. How sad was dat sia.. I wouldnt be able to take it seh knowing ur fren died n ur clearing servicemen to be flown there immediately.. Felt sad that such a tragedy has happen..

In the evening, msged Haz that this incident took place.. The mishap thing.. He didnt know that it was his college buddy.. When he found out, he was so so sad... Neva saw him this sad before.. Haiz.. Deja vu.... Now both him n my bro is in mourning...

However, let us not forget that as a soldier, a national servicemen, 3SG Isz Sazli was discharging his sacred duty of service to the country.. My dad, a retired Lieutenant Colonel, told me that it is the highest honour for a soldier to die.. To die for his beloved country that all soldier swore to fight and defend irregardless in time of peace or in war.. He too told me that when he was in service, eventho he was sad doin military exercises overseas, at times months, nearly years.. He too felt down and misses us at home.. But then he knew that as a soldier and as an officer, the country comes first.. By protecting, defending and fighting the country, they are protecting their loved ones at home..

The conversation i had wif dad was enriching but then, i told him,

"Ayah, if u had died the death that way, i dont think all of us would be able to take it.. I mean its easier said than done.."

Then dad replied..

"If that happens.. Then farz, kakak n mama should be proud of ayah.. Cause ayah died for the country.. Im a hero to the country.. Ayah mati syahid.. As promised by God, i will have a place in heaven where i'll pray for all of you to come and join ayah there.."

Tears welled up in my eyes when dad said that.. I couldnt imagine the sadness of the aruah's family.. All i could say is that.. My deepest condolences is wif them..

3SG Isz Sazli..

al-fatihah...

For his honourable death, i placed here a bugle music piece "The Last Post". It is a bugle call used im military funerals and in ceremonies commemorating those who have fallen in war. One that is beffiting to the sacrifice of 3SG Isz Sazli...

://www.lastpost.be/mp3_lastpost.html

** Last Post was originally a bugle call used in British Army camps to signal the end of the day. The name derives from the practice of inspecting all the sentry posts around such a camp at the end of the day, and playing a bugle call at each of them. The "last post" was thus the last point of this inspection, and the bugle call signalling that this post had been inspected marked the end of the military day. It is alo a calling for soldier to "go home" to their barracks...

To Haz- Was tryin to blog sum stuffs today, but suddenly not in e mood after seeing sumthin.. I'll blog tomorrow.. Farzanna.. Ciaoz..

Well, wad happen durin e week? Hmm.. well, past monday which is about two days ago somethin did happen.. Everythin was fine till in e evening.. Haz was feelin down wif his ippt 2.4km timing.. N i sensed sumthin wrong wif him.. His way of msgin was different.. When i enquired, i too kinda say e wrong thing dat make him upset further.. If im not mistaken his timing was 9m 45sec? 9m 46sec? Well i told him,

"Dats not too bad.. But ayang can run faster than u! Hurhur!"

That reply kinda upset him.. He asked to be alone n was cold to me.. Was damn hurt n angry cause he didnt tell me wad was he feelin down about.. Nevertheless, i acceeded to his request.. Gave him time off.. Next day, when he gave me his usual mornin msg, i didnt reply.. My turn to merajuk.. then we had a good talk over it.. Tried to console my darling here, givin my warmth n comfort.. Alas, he feels better now.. My sweet haz is back wimme.. Hurhur. Now, i cant wait for weekends to come for us to have our own private moments together!..

Muacks.. Sayaang u..

ps: i wont let ur past recurr again dear.. realie.. love u lots..

Farz loves Haz on Wednesday, 090507...

Well, erm.. How should i put it? Im haz's gal.. Told him to do a new blog for us but he suggested sharin his blog instead.. God i feel weird doin dis but he'll like it la.. Tsk3..

So yea, for starters, my name is farzanna n i gotta knoe haz from a fren of my bro.. Both of em are apparently in the same camp, had a hunch dat both of em and their mates were busy sharin gals's contact n i was one of e poor victims.. NS so free yea?! Shud gif all of u extra duties.... Imagine dis yea? N how would u react?

"Heyz.. do you mind me intro u to a fren of mine?"-taufiq
"Huh? Ur fren? Who"-farz
"My NS buddy.. Can? If u mind, then i dont give.."-taufiq

At dis point of time, my mind was like WTH.. I didnt reply my fren's msg then and if my memory proves me rite, he asked me e same quest a day or two later..

"Eh, how? Can i intro u to my fren? If u dont like too, then i wont.."-taufiq
"Why? Has he been buggin u?"-farz
"No la, dat time u didnt reply.. He asked me again today.."-taufiq
"Sure, go ahead.. Get it over and done wif..."-farz

U might haf sense my cold answer, was a bit pissed off actualie.. Like who's dis guy sia.. Jus wen i finished my iwn own private thots, came dis msg from haz.. He ranted in malay which i dont realie quite understand since i neva learned malay b4.. But luckily, i picked up bahasa indonesia which i learned from my indo frens wen i was in United World College.. (Oi! Gue rindu bangat sama lu!!) So i catch a bit here n there.. He send me a sajak or wadeva talkin bout the moon, heart, soul, frens n wad haf u.. I was like Oh! Oh! Danger! He's a mat?? Hurhur..

"Erm, sorie i dont understand wad ur tryin to say.. I dont understand malay.."-farz

Hurhur.. needless to say, his luring method failed him.. His buddy didnt forewarned him on my lack in proficiency for malay language.. Kwang Kwang Kwang!! Hurhur.. As days goes by, he msged me often.. A bit irritatin at times but, he was sweet n caring, e msges became more frequent too.. Tested his patience a few times n he tried to remain cool but i saw thru him.. Wen he tried to do e same, he couldnt.. I always won dis "match".. Hurhurhur..

Well, seconds became days.. Days became weeks n then months.. Soon, we were edging closer n closer.. Our msges became more smitten n private.. Words such as "honey, darling, dear, sayang, abang" were in used.. N all of a sudden we're attached.. He didnt realie pop out the Q, perhaps its incognito? The feelings were jus comfy enuf to be brought up to e next higher level.. N e few remaining days b4 taiwan, i knew dat i realie love dis guy.. N so does he.. Taiwan was realie a testing point for us..

1) Had frequent quarrels n misunderstandings..
2)Had some probs wif his former u knoe who....
3) Didnt get to msg often..
4) Faced some probs back at home wif my dance partner.. Haz's upset he couldnt do anythin..
5) Haz had to be away for some exercise
6) Haz lost his hp.. Contacts decline.. (FRUST)
7) Used his fren's mobile to msg me.. Can u imagine dat he used bout 3 or 4 ppl's mobile to msg me? How e hell sia i knoe which one he's wif or to msg at? (Grr!)
8) Lastly.... I hafta leave S'pore for Australia n soon London..
9) Our plans of wad we'ld do wen he got back home was dashed....
10) Haz was sad, Farz was sad.. *sob sob* Haiz...

So yea.. im in australia now.. Puttin up wif my relative's house wif my family.. Missed him lots n lots..

N yet again, he was bothered by sum "OUTSTANDING" issues which greatly affected me.. Was so bothered by it dat i decided to go for a run at 3am-4am in the morn.. I asked my sis who was wif me to accompany me.. As soon as i changed to my runnin attire, i jus ran out of e house as fast as i could without waitin for my sis.. Tryin to run as hard as i can to release my emotional self dat couldnt take it any longer.. My sis senses dat somethins not rite brought e dog along n trailed behind.. I heard e dog running close n catches up wif my pace till it stops n yelped loud barks at me when a rattling noise became more audible.. Thot it was a cricket or somethin so i didnt gave heed.. All of a sudden i saw somethin sprang up, n i felt a sharp pain at my leg.. I was bitten by a rattlesnake n was unconscious for e next few hours.. Wen i woke up, i was in hosp.. Was havin a high fever, difficulty in breathin n my leg became blue in colour.. All i could say was "Nak ayah"..

Nearly lost my leg.. How horrible... N nearly broke off wif haz.. Luckily we pulled thru... He felt guilty, so am i.. Well, currently we're still goin strong wif my darling haz.. Hurhur..

Till next time...

ps: Muacks.. I love you sayang.. *Long hugz n sweet kisses*
And oh ya! Lucinda! U bitch! U won e FHM GALS NEXT DOOR?!! Hurhur! I couldnt join sia.. Dis guy wont let me.. Enjoy the glory while it lasts yea!..

Farz loves Haz on Sunday, may 06, 2007....

It felt like a hundred years since i blog. haha. damn.

Penat giler seh, just came back from last min duty.

Things were quite chaotic eversince i came back from taiwan.

My gf didnt get to pick me up cuz she went to australia n later goin to london for her studies.
The duty list isnt ready yet, so it makes the whole thing cock up. This whole week was rehearsals for the parade. CO changing of command parade. And Division Com Change of Command parade. The first latter i was involve in the deco of the battalion. oh it was freakin tiring uh. Mcm nk sambut president of singapore. Bleh kalah NDP seh haha. Flag saner sini ke gantung. Lots of banners kene tie up. Den the div com one i was involve in the parade. Last min. IT was boggers lah. The fact that the warrants there like to samula the whole process tires us. My body still aches frm the whole process. Haha. Im not made for parade i guess. I belong in the wilderness with my men. Gettin bitten by mozzies n wads not. Better there than stupid ol parade square.

My gf got bitten by a rattlesnake in ozzie. Worries me to the max. Its like way unlucky for her lah, the fact that the probability of ppl running along the roads early morning and got bitten by a rattlesnake is very low. She nearly lost a leg. Thank God she is ok now. Just got discharged yesterday. Been praying for her health since.

ITs hard u see, cuz i've never experienced long distance relationship. I missed her alot. THe thing is dat im scared the feeling somehow goes away. Dats y everytime i kept remindin myself of her, how far shud i go, wad must i do. I dun wan to give up on dis relationship. I believe dis one can go far. Its just dat the thot of not seeing her for months is totally sucky. But im being patient. Tryin my very best to keep myself stable, if not, i can go crazy haha. Not gonna eat grass, no! haha.. ican just pray dat everythin goes fine.. I give it all to God.. N let Him manage how my life wud turn out to be.. Kalau jodoh tak ke mana, tk begitu..

Bloggin later. My mind is just too tired haha. Wanna nappy!! :)

tian kong hui de xiang ku guo
The sky is so gray that it looks like it just cried

li kai ni yi hou
After leaving you

bing mei you gen zi you
(I) did not regain more freedom

suan suan de kong qi
(From) the air

xiu chu wo men de ju li
(I) smelt our distance

yi mu zui xin de jie ju
A heart breaking ending

xiang hu xi ban wu fa ting xi
is continuous just like breathing

chou ti fan huang de ri ji
The yellowing diary lied in the drawer

zha gan le hui yi
(had) pressed dried [our] memories

na xiao rong shi xia ji
That smile is summer

ni wo de guo qu
Our past

bei shun shi zhen de wang ji
Has been forgotten as time goes by

que yang guo hou de ai qing
Love after anoxia (lack of oxygen)

cu xin de yan lei shi duo yu
Careless tears are unnecessary

wo zhi dao ni wo dou mei you cuo
I know that the fault is not in either one of us

zhi shi wang le ze me tui hou
We just forgot how to step back

xin shi dan dan gei le cheng nuo
We made promises to each other with confidence

que bei shi jian pu le kong
Yet it has been emptied by time

wo zhi dao wo men dou mei you cuo
I know that the fault is not in either one of us

zhi shi fang shou hui bi jiao hao guo
Its just that letting go would make
things easier

zui mei de ai qing hui yi li dai xu
The most beautiful love is to be continued in [my] memory

19 days till im done..

Taiwan is such a boring place.. I have to walk like 2.5km just to use a com so slow i can actually break the screen.. Just now i walked/run like 7km to town just to find a 7eleven shop to find hp cards but they do not sell them, stupid buggers..

All they do is ching chong ching chong, den eat sireh, den stone, den eat,den stone.. sheesh.. makes me proud to be born in spore den hahaha..

19 more days to go.. 3 days to prep. 10 days of mission. 2 days packup. 3/4 days to RNR!!!!

N the weird thing is dat i just cannot wait to go into the wild, kinda miss e mountains haha..

its freAkin cold out there, every nite its like typhoon or sumting, makes my balls shrink to the size of peanuts.. i was shivering all e way, n i kinda talk to myself most of the time *told ya taiwan is stupid, makes ppl go nuts* cuz i need to like, comfort myself most of the times.. its so cold.. n i miss my lover so..

i noe inoe.. you have to go.. so hurry back home.. i miss you so..

(army song haha)

the wind blows so strong there was a time i had to bend forwards just to walk up e mountains.. thou it was doin us a favour by blowing off those stupid mosquitoes away haha, but still, id rather sleep with bites then shivering like f***

speakin of which, when RnR comes, i dunno wad to buy haha.. wad i noe is, i must buy sum shirts for myself, maybe another pair of shoes (my mum's gonna kill me, i have 6 pairs alr haha) sum accessories i guess, kinda like the caps they got here, so original.. shades perhaps, socks!! n erm, maybe sum coats or blazers.. sum things for my lil bros.. a jersey or baseball shirt for dad, mum doesnt wan any, *bedek* e last time i was at taiwan, i bought her dis necklace, its like this blue gem that only in taiwan u can find it, haha, special ryt, got it from sum uni fair there..

and.. wanna buy for my darling sumting too.. *i gave u a hint alr haha, but not just dat :)* was thinkin of getting her like sum cute small stuff, maybe small teddy bears or sumting, or maybe sum cute stuff i can find in taipei n kao shiong.. hehe, maybe perfume or sumting at the airport..
but darling u tell me uh wad type of perfume u like, i dunno wad, nanti salah beli kene marah hahaha.. sedih!

it wud be just like before, the malayu, all bunch up together n go shopping! it will be fun i guess. like duck n chicken trying to talk haha. the thing abt taiwan is dat the gurls here find dark skin guys cool n cute haha.. last time i went there, we were in this pierce n ring shop..a fren of mine went in there n wanted to buy a ring.. instead, he got a kiss by the gurl, n all we do is trying to bargain in chinese.. haha, stupid idiots *ayang, abg tk kene tau, hehe, abg promise i keep my hands in my pocket, zip up tite 247 till i come back haha*

then instead of shopping, we took pic with them, old n young haha.. the taiwanese people are really friendly with foreigners..

anyways, my darling suggested a blog just for me n her. I wanted to make it now, but stupid blogger, its all in chinese!!!!! ARGH!!!

trying my best here haha.. ard 12pm im leaving to bauli camp alr, so i nt sure there got internet or not.. but if got tym im venturing out (sneak out if i say haha)

Wondering wad she is doing ryt now..

*miss you ayang............................muackz*

sori for not updating

long time i never blog, i think i need to revamp it, give it a new look considering i have a new life haha. its old and totally yucky, but i have no time to revamp it. Any ideas? was thinkin of a simple blog, just relax kinda look, 2 3 pics here n there.

Im in taiwan btw, for sum exercise and training. Typing my way in sum rough up shackout building 15m away from the gate, n i kinda got myself shock. They got internet here?!?! Cool man.

Oh btw, i have good news for u peeps. I am NOT SINGLE ANYMORE!! Though i must admit i broken my vows to remain single till im 30, but wad the heck!! haha.

Met this gurl, her name is farzanna (got ur name right nw darling hehe) thru a friend of mine. At first the courtship was rough, given that she was very garang (ooohh, i like!!) macam jual mahal ah gitu. That point of time i forgot how she look, until about a few days later my friend show me her pic and i was stunned. She was absolutely beautiful, stunningly swanlike beauty that tore open my deepest soul. She was so sweet (u noe i fall easily on that one) i was melting.. like an ice cream sittin blatantly under the hot sun beside macs. And her personality, her character was so near perfect i knew i must break my vow and try my best. And i tried and persistenlt tried. There were many times i got garang msges, but at last i fond her soft button that wen i pressed it with my sincerity, i knew i got her. and when i did, i felt so overjoyed, i never felt like this before in my entire life. like im flying straight to the gates of heaven n back.

Kk, enuf saying. I shall describe it to ya since she is not ready yet to show herself to the world.

She is like, a mixture of german, arab, chinese etc etc, pan asean i daresay. Lovely skin, so pure white n her eyes are demure n sweet sparkling like freshwater from the mountains. She's from United World College, clever fella, and a musician too. How perfect for me! So she can play the piano while i rest my head on her shoulders and sing along. Her father's an ex major (YES SIR!!) n her mum, im nt sure hehe. She's a high flyer, but the thing bout her is that, she's more than willing to live in my middle, humble life of mine.

And i tell you, we are absolutely in lurve.. purr...

Although im in taiwan ryt nw, its hard on her u see. Im like her first bf, (she's 17 btw, but she look mature enuf for my childish babyish face of mine) n she'd sumtimes go stressed up. N im very worried u see. I dun wanna lose her, like i lose the rest. This one however, i wanna bring it, step it up n want it to be very very long.. I can see her as my future wife if u ask me.. She's a good person at heart n mind, young n challenging, fit! (her 2.4km best timing is 9.45, take that silver passes!!) n fun.

Its too early to say, but i wanna enjoy this moment together.. So off the record, honey baby, i miss u, and i love you so so much. Remember, the other gurls are just plain rejects from my life, you're the one that i need. Dun wori yar, abg here to take care of you.

Taiwan is a majestic place to train, its cool (more of frozen to me) and less vegetation (a big thumbs up for us soldiers cuz we don't need to bash through the shit). But they have one thing that kept my nails bitten everytime.

Dogs. Oh i hate them (sori darling, dis one i cannot agree with u) and i fear them. Its just that everytim this creatures of hell come up to me, they'll either growl n show their ugly smelly teeth, or they bark n spit out filth. Wth. ANd u noeme, ever since the day i was chase by this ultra dog, i fear them. And the thing is, there's soooooo many of them. One day taiwan will fall to the dogs i tell you, once they got the brains to rule the world. It'll be, Taiwan, Dog City haha. They breed like virus.. They got no control, they just keep on having sex and breed and sex and eat and sleep n then sex again. Goodness me, if men are like dogs, they'll have a jolly good ride, while women may just make good ties with the federal home for the children hahaha.

and the poop everywhere, how to walk sia?!

I must say, the govt shud do something about this creatures. Its making me nuts! I got stressed up everytime i see one.

Im slackin my ass off her, im under the atec umpires (they are like referees in a battle), and fromthe moment i touch down till now, all i do is eat, sleep, pspying, run, play soccer, sleep again, bathe, gossip, roll ard the blanket (i tol ya its freezing here). Madness, but if everyday like dat, i wanna sign on hahaha!

Got to go, my gf just msg me, require my immediate attention. Da!

Guys or gurls dun get jealous i got myself a preety lady, its just fate, u may say haz is a jerk, a playboy, nak yg cantek je, but wad to do. Im just like dat. But this one i will keep, n if got permits it, wanna make her my wife..

Peace.

Im back

Heya guys. Lost touch now eh. Don't blame me, blame the government. I don't mean for it to turn out this way.

Anyways, it feels good to type again, after months and months in the jungle. Through tough and trim, i manage to outlast and outplay to be a survivor.

Of the Mandai Jungle haha.

Goodness, NS is a shock for me. I didn't expect anything, lest the outcome of the whole 2 years of NS would deprive me of my sleep, culture, habit, and not to mention, CIVILISATION!!!

And NS tore me apart. I broke up 2 times!! 2 times!!! Sheesh, im bad.

Im not sure where to begin with. Hmm. But what i know, im going off to overseas dis sat, 2 dec. Not coming back for a long long time.

Ns provided me with the platform to build my confidence in myself and in people (not to mention being the fittest in the company, with SOC (standard obstacle course) timing of 7.56s, and 2.4km run of 8.30s! I felt like i was blasting through the air when i ran. Thanks to the army, im fit, healthy, string and handsome haha.

I also provided me with a list of good friends. I remembered a time in the jungle, we had 2 more hours to go, the trench was 3/4 deep, and i was sick due to an overdose of Sampoerna cigarettes (yeah, i picked up smoking here, but rest assured, i only smoke in the jungle, and maybe when im anxious haha).

I pleaded like a dog. "Din.. Manoor, tolong, aku sakit.. Maricar dah down. Aku dah down. Takde org nak continue. Tolong din.."

With a whipped of tartan, Mannor Khan, 48kg, brushed in like a fierce hunter, picked up the cangkul, lighted a cigarette, and said. "AKu ade, aku ade. Jap jap. Kasi aku 1 jam."

When i woke up, it was all done. Swee lah! Uplah!

They are the bestest of friends. To measure a friend, is when they are at the shag point, where everbody is tired to the max, they are the ones who will give the extra hand. And for that, i told them when we PO, "Eh, korang jgn lupa aku tau. Korang kawan baik aku."

NS opened up to me the art of appreciation. Whenever i come home, i hugged my mum. I don't know why, but i felt happy whenever i do so. I missed her, really. And whenever i step into the house, i smile. I tell myself, hey, im home, im safe.

Though there were a few bad ones. In bmt, i broke up with my chinese gf. Then in sispec, i broke up with my childhood friend. Great. Utterly great.

Reason?

The chinese one gave me loads of problems. In the end, i ditched her. Takleh angkatlah. I was increasingly becoming a signaller you know. Every hour must msg her. Tell her where i am. Of course im in tekong what. Maner ade pompuan kat situ sak? Makcik kantin aderlah. Abeh kalau jumpe, tknk kasi org balik rumah. She got the heart to make me choose, her or NS, or family. I chose the ditching. Stupid witch.

Yg lagi stau tu aku tknk sharelah. tmkh for the understanding yer.


My good friend Luqman got intro me this gurl from TP. Integrated Program dok. Umur muda dah pandai nk mampos tak cam aku. Her name is Syakira.

How to describe eh? She very white lar, pretty and sweet. My taste what. Fair and sweet. But i not sure lah. We haven met yet. And she is the type reply msg lambat nak mati. Smapai dah tido seh org. (Luqman ade warn aku pasal ni)

Not that i want to eat her up or what lar, but what i think is that she is scared of me. Haha, you know my first msg to her was the MOST LAMEST piece of crap i've evr typed. All thanks to Manoor Khan. Tulah aku nk msg korang kacau.
Gtg. blog later.

Post blues: I don't have a clue to my woe..

At last I was able to let it go. Macam si Suhaimi Yusoff cakap, the package has been drop, the matrix has been reloaded. I guess you guys don't have a clue do ya. Well, let me xplain.

Do you guys know or remember a picture I once mentioned, the one i sketched, and it took alot of work to complete that, like its one of the natural wonders of the world?

Don't call me michelangelo, but its like, i sketched it from my heart you see. Now every nook and cranny, every eyelid, every hair flowing from the inner root to the outer rim, its all in my mind. I can picture it as clear as the watery blue.

Now i gave it to her. Back. It doesn't belong to me, you see. As a birthday gift. Well, perhaps to her its just a pic of sorts. But to me, its more to it. It contains the very essence of the elements she taught me, or in fact, introduced it to me. It was love. And i put every element and essence of that into that picture. I used to just stare blankly at those beady eyes, and like just flow my life into that picture, in hopes of making it alive. Like pinocchio u c. But regardless of what i do, it'll just smile back blankly at my pitiful face, unknown, unexplored. I hence i knew what i must do. It doesn't belong to me. It has to go back to its owner.

And i gave it back. Last saturday. There was this mixture of guilt, relief, sympathy, sadness, and i must say, happiness. A feeling that i can't exactly pinpoint the right mixture of ingredients. I just smiled and laughed it all off, that's me ryt. But deep inside i knew, i have to let it go. Let it all go. And hold on to the very sweet memories that made me the man i would become to be.

So know, tonight, i shall work hard, i type out the sweet most virtue and innocent love of Muhd. Hazlami. His love life. His very first, that made him what he is right now. I shall not hesitate to type it out, nor reluctant to leave any single info about how it all started. I believe it is a must for me to share my love with the people, woth the crowd, with the world, in hopes that one day, i will be loved as how i have loved before.

For God, Muhammad, and the Muslims all across the nation, i give you, my life biography.

And i do this with reasons. Not to hurt anyone, but with a simple reason to tell.

Every human being needs love. It differentiates us from others. Love, iman, taqwa, morality, everything plays a part in this life. Success is not about academic performances, or how much money you make, but more of how much life you take. How much life you take before you leave to the next, where it is forever.

I give you, my love, my story, my life, and my heart. And to do this, i shall share it all out. Not the bad ones, for I think i have suffer a particular memory lost bout that. Haha. All the good ones, yes. All the good ones. And i hope you would understand, and hope that one day, we shall all be happy.

Shocking News: WHO IS SITI'S LOVER?!?!?!

I was shocked. Shit. Really. This morning i started the day by reading the local newspaper Berita Harian. Guess what??

To all siti nurhaliza's fans, i must say that it really sucks to see Siti happily opens up her love life to the press, depriving you and me from the chance of a lifetime to be her love (chey, mcm bleh dapat gitu, mamak bawah block jual aiscream tk bleh ngurat, ini pula siti? haha).

I must say, who the hell is Datuk K?!?! His picture in the news horrifies me. As in, come on man, siti is like THE woman off all time, and that guy in the pic has a moustache??!

Although it is true that i must be happy for her, WHAT THE HELL!!!

SHE SHOULD BE MINE!!!

PS: Im not a psycho, just disappointed that her love is some MY guy. Previous experience taught me never to mix MY people, pasal dorang tu cam cetek ah in terms of pemikiran.

Ade ituari yg gua pegi MY, aku berkenalan ngan budak MY ni. Baru jugak aku dah malas nak layan die. Dah lah tipu aku umur die, (umur die 16 tahun ni, muda nk mampos, mane interesting beb) die punyerlah immature. Abestos, aku kene maki hamun (specific: aku disuruh bogel oleh kakak die) pasal aku dah tk layan die. Ko imagine bill yg aku kene bayor. Mcm taik kan.

Oh, aku dah tk sedih sgt pasal result aku, psl aku dah berserah pd Tuhan. Sometimes, Tuhan atur hidop aku, such that mungkin die kasi aku gagal untuk kali ini agar aku diberi kekuatan untuk ujian2 yg akan datang. Mungkin die tak kasi aku riak kalau aku dah dapat markah bagus. Atau die dah aturkan rezeki aku, maner tau aku dah besao panjang jadi businessman ke, marketing director ke, journalist ke, ahli politik ke. Tapi yg pasti, aku tiap2 hari berdoa dan bermohon dapat masuk bioengineering aku. Dan tak lupa jugak, kalau tak diberi, aku dapat yg lebih baik.

Oh, permohonan aku untuk defer NS atas sebab nak retake Alevel kene tolak, pasal result aku ok. Itulah dia, negara Singapuraku yg tersyg (blardie hell). Mcm aku nak larikan diri dari NS gitu. Nilah NS, menyusahkan langsung. Psl tulah aku nak migrate dari tempat lahabao ni, hohoho. Tapi takpe, aku ade Pilot Medical Check Up soon, you guys doakan aku lah ye, bukan aku nak riak (nausubillah minzalik), tapi aku betul2 harap dapat masuk RSAF. Doakan ye, sesama Islam lah k? Maner tau aku dpt harumkan nama Islam. Insya'allah.

Faith is the heart of all desires

The prophet once said, "When God loves someone, He would test him. If he/she stood patient, then he/she would be chosen. And if he/she redha, then God make him/her among the chosen"

Faith is among the things I once stood upon during my earlier days as a teenager. Faith brought me to great friends whom by far puts upmost concern overmy well-being. Faith broughtme closer to God, where He taught me things like redha, like patience, dreams, goals, hopes and plights of the weak. I remained a low profilic species upon this earth, untouched,unsowed, and was let ripe under the bright sun. Faith taught me about love, to God and the Prophet (pbuh), and to my family.

Then came my JC years. Unfortunate to say, i gain a few knuts butlost a bag of galleons. I was totally lost. The previous victory in my OLevels taught me nothing but pride and happiness.

I did not work hard enough. I lost for the first time in my life. I let down my family and friends for the first time in my life. Although my results where considered ok, it wasn't what i hoped for.

Yesterday, upon reaching my crib, i sat down on the prayer mat and cried. I didn't whisper to God, instead, i spoke to him aloud in space and unknown time. I told him, why was i lost God? Is this your test to me? So that i can grow stronger than this,and be the best, not just the best, but the top student in my future endeavours? That was my dream back then,remember? I whispered to you, in the your very house, to make me smart and clever so that i can be the khalifah of the earth, so that i can be among the ulama' of islam, like Imam Nawawi, or Imam Syafi'e. is this oneof the paths i have togo through? Im sad, oh God. Im very disappointed with myself.

A request was made that fateful day.

"Oh mighty God, make this day an unforgettable day forme, so that i can use itto fuel myself forward, and show the whole world what Hazlami is capable of, and guide me along the way, protect me from riak and takabur, so that i can follow the path bestowed by the your beloved messenger. Make me among those who serve you with ikhlas, and jihad with knowledge and wealth. So that i can bring my family to a place of happiness. So that i can bring up the name of Islam, and show the world what a muslim can do."

Im still sad though. Admission date lingers nearer than i have expected it to be. Hopes of being the yop notch in the bioengineering sector diminishesbefore my eyes.

I plead to those who See what i See,who Feel what i Feel, pray for me.

PS: I'll show those buggers who bragged about their results. So what if you got your A's. I'll show you whose gonna earn more, and i'll assure you, i fall, i'll get up with a bang, and i shall learn not to fall again. I'll beat you. I promise. Not hatred. But pure competition.

Get your engines going, cause im all fired up for another round. Once im in my faculty (insyaalah) i show you guys what does it mean to be Hazlami.

Hasta Pronto.

(sori guys for not updating, been working on a book im writing,its called: AD-DIN, THE WAY TO GOD, perhaps once i get it done,i'll extract some of the contents for you guys to read. Its all about learning who you really are,and who that creates you, and the connections of all living life, a path of tasawuf and sufism.)

Shaggedelic: The one time virus that is rawkin the nation

Im back, whee he. At last, i am given the absolute power to do stuff on the internet. Its been like wad, 3 months? Goodness, it feels so refreshing. And to tap it all off, i actually exercised for like, 6 hours of non-stop physical activity. 3 days of straight gym work, and today, after friday prayers (andstill, i do see people, or shud i specifically recall, mat lepak and etc do NOT go to friday prayers. Eh, u guys pray 2 times a year issit? ) i actually played soccer till 6pm with my soccer pals. And i only had 2 prata (or in Negeri Sembilan, they call it roti canai, and for ur info, if u do ask for roti prata, they'll cooked it with lots of planta as topping, roti planta, haha, interesting..) And to end it all off, my father asked me to fetch him from Sheng Siong to carry goods. Imagine the horror of carrying two extremely heavy piece of worth crap from Ten Mile Junction to Senja Rd, nt to mention the extra 1km run from Teck Whye to Shen Siong (the place where i played). Sheesh,bug complains from the Respected One.

I want to mention my experience as an innocent angel (yeah, right u are) clubbin' till late night. Only two trips, and it is enuf for me nt to ever go there animore. Went to M.O.S( Ministry of Sound) on wed, and my only intention of going is to accompany my good old friend, Brennan, who appears to hv free entry tix for two. And so we went, lined up with the rest of them, and in i go.

Rule no 1: Get urself an oxygen tank if u must, cuz the air there really intoxifies u. Full of CIGARETTE SMOKE (the boldlines infers my absolute hatred to smokers. Why in the ruddy hell do God invent cigarettes?)

Rule no 2: Get urself a companionship, a variety of ppl, boring ones and happening ones,and bring female human beings if u must

Rule no 3: Do NOT buy any drinks in there, even if u suffer from hydration, for the love of God, pls DON'T

Rule no 4: Beware of the drunk. Especially women, who cannot hold their liquor. There's this once at MOS, a gurl came directly at me an attempt a dirty dance, and started kissing my jacket, and altho she is H.O.T, it really isn't right. She ended up kissing some other guy. And im really not regretting it. she wasn't herself anyway, most of them are. But i am not like those people. I am, Hazlami, Hazlami. And i dun drink, one night stands, court girls, smoke or wadever. I am as clean as the bleach solution that bleaches clothes.

Rule no. 5: Always make sure you are yourself throughout the party. This advice goes to those Muslims like me who goes clubbin just to find some experience of wad they call, Night Life. And really, if you are a person of pure principle, insteadof forcing yourse;fto be wild, or lose yourself, you make conclusions, inferrential facts, thinking statements, or shud i say, wise outlook of the whole clubbin' issue. That is exactly wad i did. At MOS that is. @ Rave, it was a total different thing (Astaghfirullah)

Rule no 6:Never judge a person there. The one rule of the thumb is to let yourself loose. And so, the person you are dancing with is really not his/herself.

Im sharing this outlook solely to give people the inside story. Really nt for fun, or shit ass things. Our parents use to say, "Don't go to these places,it would not do you good", or the cliche version "Tempat tu maksiat, rumah syaithan".

Seeing is believing. And i went there to clarify my doubts: Why do clubs pose a great risk to people. How does it shape our lives. What if it is not there,can we live w/o it. What attractions does it have that make people drain their pockets on vodka lime that they themselves know would make them sick, or even worse, drunk.

And Mr Hazlami would give his utter insides later. (He did not bring his personal journal with him at this cafe.So bear with him aite)

There is a qn i would like to pose here. If you notice the tagger who says, nvm, just try2 lar, who noes it will work(my version), let us think twice, and wear our rational caps on.

My name is Hazlami. I live in Bukit Panjang. I grew up in a moderately poor family of religious principles. My mum is a ustazah who teaches peopleto read the Holy Quran and fiqh. My father holds 'tasawuf' in his very heart, and he himself is a teacher in Dunearn Sec (to wrap it all up, he is like the Gandalf the White of LOTR plus Yoda of Star Wars, he can read your face and says, you never salawah [a prayer to praise the Messenger of God], or, you haven pray yet, and yes, he can read your mind as perfectly as he could, so no point lying to him, he would probably have known it a couple of days back when he dreams about you going out with a girl, or perhaps, sees the image in your beady eyes,sheesh). And i too practise the ways of the tasawuf, to instead of living the life, you conclude life. And i live in the worships of Allah and Rasul, and practise the syariah. So frankly speaking, im the type your mum would wanna match make with. And, im the type who adheres to the very meaning of 'feelings' every human being possess.

So my ans is simply, i have broken too many hearts, and i totally lost mine. Who would dare offer their hearts to me, to keep me beating for love? I would not want to break any more hearts. It is better to love God and His messenger,cuz for surethey would nt break mine. Im entirely looking for a women who can really reallymake me smile right now. who can willingly take care of me when i am sick.Who holds promises dearly at heart. Who would never double cross me, even if she hasdone that before. Who can at last, convince me that love is a beautiful butterfly, not a fire-breathing dragon. Who is patient and help me wen im down in the dumps. who possess the ability to brighten my life with a single smile,or perhaps, words of love and encouragment. Who prays for our realtionship to last. Who is really serious, and would put her life to keep it going. Who is willingly to commit herself to me.

Cuz for sure, i wud do the same, if she gives her heart to me. Cuz frankly speaking, im hollow right now.Zero. Empty. Numb is a feeling i wud use to describe wad i feel.

It is happy to know that i have friends out there who cares for me, and would willingly offer a hand of friendship. and im really happy to have them, cuz they make me happy. But companionship? Why at 18 already do we assert ourselves to find companions, who in return, would not last. Now i believe wad Diana has to say.Love cannit last. Partially that is. Love is everlasting,only if you believe in it. And it takes both parties to put friendship, commitment, and care to make it forever. And i absolutely disagree to those excuses, saying that, "I want to end this relationship because i love you."

Stupid you people would remain. Ignorant shall you suffer. How can you love someone so much you want him to end a beautiful memorable picture if u and him. Ape, erm, alasan like "I want you to be happy,and this is the only way."

Damned. Does it bring happiness to them? They can move on, yes they can.But forget? Surely you peoplemust realise how hurtful it is. Oh, it is only short term pain. Rubbish. Pain tetap pain.Sakit will always be sakit. You would never embark on a journey of a lifetime just to end up throwing the person off the boat, hoping somehow he finds a better ship with better sails. Have you peopleever consider the person could have drown?

Think. God gives you brains to differentiate you from animals. Peoplewho do not think, sori to say, are like animals themselves. The least a dog could do was to show compassion at the death bed of his master. Not that im implying it totally to me,or wad i have experience. This topic goes to all across the board.

Never use that excuse ever again. Trust me, it'll haunt you to your death and hereafter even if you think you have forgotten.Hazlami never forgets, nor does he condemns. I forgive. And i share it to people so they would not suffer like me. Got chucked out of the 'attatched' club 3 times, and chuck people outta ma freaking closet 5 times. And till now, i condemn myself for breaking the heartsof 8 women and gurls. And really, it is not something i shud brag about. Serious.

Im ending my chapter by saying, "Never cheat, lie, or drink. If u must cheat, cheat cheaters. If u must lie, lie life. If you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breathe away."(kk, last part tu je cam citer The Hitch, yg lain, aku nyer hahaha)

PS: Thx tu Khairul Ruzaini for reading word by word posted here in this blog.I owe you a lifetime of support.

Rectifying the pro-active problem

Necessary actions need to be taken to contain my lust for broken, breaking or going-to-break relationships. To produce solutions, first and foremost the issue must be discussed.

Why, at the age of 18, do boys-to-men like me desire the company of women?

1. Women at this age and below or above have the natural attractiveness that would make any men inclined to have unsurpassed incontrolable relationships.

2. Men at this age would need a company so that he could go thru NS with ease (or other words, taking advantage lar)

3. Women simply ouplays men at dis age.

4. Women portray themselves as a medium for men like me as a shoulder to cry on.

But wadever the reason is, i noe FOR HELL SURE that i would NEVER SUCCEED in getting a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP.

This is evident by my recent admissal from the 'attatched' club. And of course my other 2 rejections. And of course, nt to mention i rejected 5 ladies.

dat makes 8. 8 relationships that go off course. wtf?!

My bro use to say, wen the time comes, it'll come, but if u got hold of the moment, than catch it, if not, i'll fly away.

That means i slip 3 birds and ran away from 5 oncoming birds that kept pecking my chest, demanding the right of passage to my heart.


Tell u the truth, remember watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai?

You can never forget your first love. My first love is, tkde lain tk bukan, Nur Aishah whom many might have known, especially my close frens. The thought of 'those days' (haha, nadiah, i still believe it's true) makes me excited and all flimsy. But the deeper you dwell in, the more pain u feel. But im the type who would delve deeper than anyone would think. And to think of it, she thought me the very basic lesson of life.

LOVE. And before that, all i know of that word was stewpig lomantic lovey dovey kissy wheezy thingy which gurls of that age love ta experience, but for me, its all bout me me me, and soccer that is.

Until i troud over the path that met me to her, i suddenly grew out of it. And till this very day, i shall always treasure that moment when my path met hers. It was erm, during lunch, first orientation day at AJC, where i was eating lunch with my malay frens after the Friday prayers. At that mo, she didnt saw me, but i saw her haha. Remembered how i was, so excited and happy, called up 3 frens spontaneously, brennan, kamarul and nadiah anak basiron.

Den blah blah blah. And it ended so hurtful and miserable i dun dare mention it ever. And till now, both me and her cudnt work out the end. I have alot of reasons to it, but as the hazlami, i was the one at fault. (thx to nadiah who told me how it feels like to be in her shoes).

Piar. It is a dangerous yet perfect word in disguise.

And to tell u the truth, i shall let it out right now. This very moment, Hazlami will tell u his deep dark secret that took him 2 years to say it out.

Treasure this moment, aish, for this is for u, only for u, not for noone, just u.




Here it goes.....





I shall stand on my promise, to put Aishah as my first and last woman i'll ever love. And even if there's someone else out there, i can only gif 70% of my soul and energy to that person. Reason?

Kuch Kuch hota hai. There is something in this world that is unexplainable.




Fuh, alhamdulillah, i have let it all out. I feel better now. Maybe. :/

a big laugh for the big loser

It is the end. Im opening a new chapter. I've finally accepted that im a loser in r/ships.
Boohoo.

I suck, period.

Im single right now. And its going to stay this way for my entire life.

Hasta Pronto.

my journey.

It seems my journey is prolonged. Im leaving soon. And comin back home seems a faraway dream. Nt sure when Im coming back. Bt it doesn't matter anyway. Its for my own gd.
At least.


I passed my flight interview. One more test to go and im off flying to my dreams. Literally.

Had a much short phone conversation wiv Hamizan, my twin bro. Hearing us bck together as b4 makes comin bck home a one way tic to england. Thx bro, for forgiving me. I shall treasure u lyk i treasure my family.

Speaking of which, Im starting to miss her.
Dreamt of her, n of cuz not to mention my past sweetheart. Dun undastand hw come both of dem are in the same scene, at the same time. I woke up feeling utterly confused.

My old fren once asked me, "Wad if ur past comes and wants to start afresh wiv u?"

My ans?

I mite tend to accept her.
But now, my ans is "I donno".


Ps: thx Nad, ur doing great there by helping me. I owe u lunch *wiv mimi also la.. haha* N yes, im doing fine.

*N to You, wen u close my eyes, i saw u. Wen i open my eyes, i miss u. So, i prefer closing my eyes.


words of wisdom, courage, honour, prestige nvr goes out of style - Mindef.

Hasta Pronto.

Hazlami unleashed. Period

Prom nite was the best day of my life. period.

Enjoyed the whole program. Enjoyed looking smart and handsome. Enjoyed taking pics with beautiful ladies (ahem) and smart gentlemens..

And the after party was the highlight.

My first ever visit ti clubs.@ rave.

I went clubbin with my mates. The atmosphere was hot and heavy, the music superb. The peeps was rawking the house down.

When the pics are ready, i shall put it on my blog.

I wore this kind of 'Hitch' style and da, a fair bit of my own. Wanna say to all, hey, u guys look great!! Had a make-up done by my mummy.

Den went there and blah blah blah. Wad strike my head was this particular person who lookes astonishingly exquisite, with all the beauty i've never seen in my life.

And the person still hasn't left my brain entirely. Somehow,i think i hv a crush on her.But, she's chinese, im a bugis, how say? i dun mind lah, but some ppl mind the skin colour u c.Haiz. Untill now, still cannt get her of ma mind. The way she move, she talk, she puts herself forward, such beauty. Such life. She grooved her way thru my soul.

And the magic?

My heart started beating. It started to beat. It has been a long year.And my heart woke up from slumber.

It was a miracle. I nearly criedwhile i danced. But i kept my composure.

Anyways, it feels great to blog again. haha.got a lot of stories to tell.

Tmr, got RSAF interview. Fri, going overseas. Haish.

Overseas. nvr had the intention to go. the treatments, the boredom, wad else?

Haish. And i dun think i'll be cumin back early. It depends u c.




Heard from a fren of mine, there's someone who asked about me.Gosh. I thot u forgot me. Well, i cudnt forget u, but like i said, i did an assumption that u wud forget me. Thx for the thought anyway. Haish.

Nvm bout that, hmm, wad shud i write?oh yes, i wrote LOTS of sajaks this past few weeks, wud post them as soon as possible. Look out for my name in the news yeah?

Anyways, about prom, i think u shud be the prom queen, really, that gurl doesnt deserve it.

PS: You're beautiful. Shud have say dis to ya dat nite.

*You woke up my heart. It beats for you. It breathes your name. It loves you. Time will tell.*

Shall blog again tmr..