Well, erm.. How should i put it? Im haz's gal.. Told him to do a new blog for us but he suggested sharin his blog instead.. God i feel weird doin dis but he'll like it la.. Tsk3..

So yea, for starters, my name is farzanna n i gotta knoe haz from a fren of my bro.. Both of em are apparently in the same camp, had a hunch dat both of em and their mates were busy sharin gals's contact n i was one of e poor victims.. NS so free yea?! Shud gif all of u extra duties.... Imagine dis yea? N how would u react?

"Heyz.. do you mind me intro u to a fren of mine?"-taufiq
"Huh? Ur fren? Who"-farz
"My NS buddy.. Can? If u mind, then i dont give.."-taufiq

At dis point of time, my mind was like WTH.. I didnt reply my fren's msg then and if my memory proves me rite, he asked me e same quest a day or two later..

"Eh, how? Can i intro u to my fren? If u dont like too, then i wont.."-taufiq
"Why? Has he been buggin u?"-farz
"No la, dat time u didnt reply.. He asked me again today.."-taufiq
"Sure, go ahead.. Get it over and done wif..."-farz

U might haf sense my cold answer, was a bit pissed off actualie.. Like who's dis guy sia.. Jus wen i finished my iwn own private thots, came dis msg from haz.. He ranted in malay which i dont realie quite understand since i neva learned malay b4.. But luckily, i picked up bahasa indonesia which i learned from my indo frens wen i was in United World College.. (Oi! Gue rindu bangat sama lu!!) So i catch a bit here n there.. He send me a sajak or wadeva talkin bout the moon, heart, soul, frens n wad haf u.. I was like Oh! Oh! Danger! He's a mat?? Hurhur..

"Erm, sorie i dont understand wad ur tryin to say.. I dont understand malay.."-farz

Hurhur.. needless to say, his luring method failed him.. His buddy didnt forewarned him on my lack in proficiency for malay language.. Kwang Kwang Kwang!! Hurhur.. As days goes by, he msged me often.. A bit irritatin at times but, he was sweet n caring, e msges became more frequent too.. Tested his patience a few times n he tried to remain cool but i saw thru him.. Wen he tried to do e same, he couldnt.. I always won dis "match".. Hurhurhur..

Well, seconds became days.. Days became weeks n then months.. Soon, we were edging closer n closer.. Our msges became more smitten n private.. Words such as "honey, darling, dear, sayang, abang" were in used.. N all of a sudden we're attached.. He didnt realie pop out the Q, perhaps its incognito? The feelings were jus comfy enuf to be brought up to e next higher level.. N e few remaining days b4 taiwan, i knew dat i realie love dis guy.. N so does he.. Taiwan was realie a testing point for us..

1) Had frequent quarrels n misunderstandings..
2)Had some probs wif his former u knoe who....
3) Didnt get to msg often..
4) Faced some probs back at home wif my dance partner.. Haz's upset he couldnt do anythin..
5) Haz had to be away for some exercise
6) Haz lost his hp.. Contacts decline.. (FRUST)
7) Used his fren's mobile to msg me.. Can u imagine dat he used bout 3 or 4 ppl's mobile to msg me? How e hell sia i knoe which one he's wif or to msg at? (Grr!)
8) Lastly.... I hafta leave S'pore for Australia n soon London..
9) Our plans of wad we'ld do wen he got back home was dashed....
10) Haz was sad, Farz was sad.. *sob sob* Haiz...

So yea.. im in australia now.. Puttin up wif my relative's house wif my family.. Missed him lots n lots..

N yet again, he was bothered by sum "OUTSTANDING" issues which greatly affected me.. Was so bothered by it dat i decided to go for a run at 3am-4am in the morn.. I asked my sis who was wif me to accompany me.. As soon as i changed to my runnin attire, i jus ran out of e house as fast as i could without waitin for my sis.. Tryin to run as hard as i can to release my emotional self dat couldnt take it any longer.. My sis senses dat somethins not rite brought e dog along n trailed behind.. I heard e dog running close n catches up wif my pace till it stops n yelped loud barks at me when a rattling noise became more audible.. Thot it was a cricket or somethin so i didnt gave heed.. All of a sudden i saw somethin sprang up, n i felt a sharp pain at my leg.. I was bitten by a rattlesnake n was unconscious for e next few hours.. Wen i woke up, i was in hosp.. Was havin a high fever, difficulty in breathin n my leg became blue in colour.. All i could say was "Nak ayah"..

Nearly lost my leg.. How horrible... N nearly broke off wif haz.. Luckily we pulled thru... He felt guilty, so am i.. Well, currently we're still goin strong wif my darling haz.. Hurhur..

Till next time...

ps: Muacks.. I love you sayang.. *Long hugz n sweet kisses*
And oh ya! Lucinda! U bitch! U won e FHM GALS NEXT DOOR?!! Hurhur! I couldnt join sia.. Dis guy wont let me.. Enjoy the glory while it lasts yea!..

Farz loves Haz on Sunday, may 06, 2007....

It felt like a hundred years since i blog. haha. damn.

Penat giler seh, just came back from last min duty.

Things were quite chaotic eversince i came back from taiwan.

My gf didnt get to pick me up cuz she went to australia n later goin to london for her studies.
The duty list isnt ready yet, so it makes the whole thing cock up. This whole week was rehearsals for the parade. CO changing of command parade. And Division Com Change of Command parade. The first latter i was involve in the deco of the battalion. oh it was freakin tiring uh. Mcm nk sambut president of singapore. Bleh kalah NDP seh haha. Flag saner sini ke gantung. Lots of banners kene tie up. Den the div com one i was involve in the parade. Last min. IT was boggers lah. The fact that the warrants there like to samula the whole process tires us. My body still aches frm the whole process. Haha. Im not made for parade i guess. I belong in the wilderness with my men. Gettin bitten by mozzies n wads not. Better there than stupid ol parade square.

My gf got bitten by a rattlesnake in ozzie. Worries me to the max. Its like way unlucky for her lah, the fact that the probability of ppl running along the roads early morning and got bitten by a rattlesnake is very low. She nearly lost a leg. Thank God she is ok now. Just got discharged yesterday. Been praying for her health since.

ITs hard u see, cuz i've never experienced long distance relationship. I missed her alot. THe thing is dat im scared the feeling somehow goes away. Dats y everytime i kept remindin myself of her, how far shud i go, wad must i do. I dun wan to give up on dis relationship. I believe dis one can go far. Its just dat the thot of not seeing her for months is totally sucky. But im being patient. Tryin my very best to keep myself stable, if not, i can go crazy haha. Not gonna eat grass, no! haha.. ican just pray dat everythin goes fine.. I give it all to God.. N let Him manage how my life wud turn out to be.. Kalau jodoh tak ke mana, tk begitu..

Bloggin later. My mind is just too tired haha. Wanna nappy!! :)

tian kong hui de xiang ku guo
The sky is so gray that it looks like it just cried

li kai ni yi hou
After leaving you

bing mei you gen zi you
(I) did not regain more freedom

suan suan de kong qi
(From) the air

xiu chu wo men de ju li
(I) smelt our distance

yi mu zui xin de jie ju
A heart breaking ending

xiang hu xi ban wu fa ting xi
is continuous just like breathing

chou ti fan huang de ri ji
The yellowing diary lied in the drawer

zha gan le hui yi
(had) pressed dried [our] memories

na xiao rong shi xia ji
That smile is summer

ni wo de guo qu
Our past

bei shun shi zhen de wang ji
Has been forgotten as time goes by

que yang guo hou de ai qing
Love after anoxia (lack of oxygen)

cu xin de yan lei shi duo yu
Careless tears are unnecessary

wo zhi dao ni wo dou mei you cuo
I know that the fault is not in either one of us

zhi shi wang le ze me tui hou
We just forgot how to step back

xin shi dan dan gei le cheng nuo
We made promises to each other with confidence

que bei shi jian pu le kong
Yet it has been emptied by time

wo zhi dao wo men dou mei you cuo
I know that the fault is not in either one of us

zhi shi fang shou hui bi jiao hao guo
Its just that letting go would make
things easier

zui mei de ai qing hui yi li dai xu
The most beautiful love is to be continued in [my] memory

19 days till im done..

Taiwan is such a boring place.. I have to walk like 2.5km just to use a com so slow i can actually break the screen.. Just now i walked/run like 7km to town just to find a 7eleven shop to find hp cards but they do not sell them, stupid buggers..

All they do is ching chong ching chong, den eat sireh, den stone, den eat,den stone.. sheesh.. makes me proud to be born in spore den hahaha..

19 more days to go.. 3 days to prep. 10 days of mission. 2 days packup. 3/4 days to RNR!!!!

N the weird thing is dat i just cannot wait to go into the wild, kinda miss e mountains haha..

its freAkin cold out there, every nite its like typhoon or sumting, makes my balls shrink to the size of peanuts.. i was shivering all e way, n i kinda talk to myself most of the time *told ya taiwan is stupid, makes ppl go nuts* cuz i need to like, comfort myself most of the times.. its so cold.. n i miss my lover so..

i noe inoe.. you have to go.. so hurry back home.. i miss you so..

(army song haha)

the wind blows so strong there was a time i had to bend forwards just to walk up e mountains.. thou it was doin us a favour by blowing off those stupid mosquitoes away haha, but still, id rather sleep with bites then shivering like f***

speakin of which, when RnR comes, i dunno wad to buy haha.. wad i noe is, i must buy sum shirts for myself, maybe another pair of shoes (my mum's gonna kill me, i have 6 pairs alr haha) sum accessories i guess, kinda like the caps they got here, so original.. shades perhaps, socks!! n erm, maybe sum coats or blazers.. sum things for my lil bros.. a jersey or baseball shirt for dad, mum doesnt wan any, *bedek* e last time i was at taiwan, i bought her dis necklace, its like this blue gem that only in taiwan u can find it, haha, special ryt, got it from sum uni fair there..

and.. wanna buy for my darling sumting too.. *i gave u a hint alr haha, but not just dat :)* was thinkin of getting her like sum cute small stuff, maybe small teddy bears or sumting, or maybe sum cute stuff i can find in taipei n kao shiong.. hehe, maybe perfume or sumting at the airport..
but darling u tell me uh wad type of perfume u like, i dunno wad, nanti salah beli kene marah hahaha.. sedih!

it wud be just like before, the malayu, all bunch up together n go shopping! it will be fun i guess. like duck n chicken trying to talk haha. the thing abt taiwan is dat the gurls here find dark skin guys cool n cute haha.. last time i went there, we were in this pierce n ring shop..a fren of mine went in there n wanted to buy a ring.. instead, he got a kiss by the gurl, n all we do is trying to bargain in chinese.. haha, stupid idiots *ayang, abg tk kene tau, hehe, abg promise i keep my hands in my pocket, zip up tite 247 till i come back haha*

then instead of shopping, we took pic with them, old n young haha.. the taiwanese people are really friendly with foreigners..

anyways, my darling suggested a blog just for me n her. I wanted to make it now, but stupid blogger, its all in chinese!!!!! ARGH!!!

trying my best here haha.. ard 12pm im leaving to bauli camp alr, so i nt sure there got internet or not.. but if got tym im venturing out (sneak out if i say haha)

Wondering wad she is doing ryt now..

*miss you ayang............................muackz*

sori for not updating

long time i never blog, i think i need to revamp it, give it a new look considering i have a new life haha. its old and totally yucky, but i have no time to revamp it. Any ideas? was thinkin of a simple blog, just relax kinda look, 2 3 pics here n there.

Im in taiwan btw, for sum exercise and training. Typing my way in sum rough up shackout building 15m away from the gate, n i kinda got myself shock. They got internet here?!?! Cool man.

Oh btw, i have good news for u peeps. I am NOT SINGLE ANYMORE!! Though i must admit i broken my vows to remain single till im 30, but wad the heck!! haha.

Met this gurl, her name is farzanna (got ur name right nw darling hehe) thru a friend of mine. At first the courtship was rough, given that she was very garang (ooohh, i like!!) macam jual mahal ah gitu. That point of time i forgot how she look, until about a few days later my friend show me her pic and i was stunned. She was absolutely beautiful, stunningly swanlike beauty that tore open my deepest soul. She was so sweet (u noe i fall easily on that one) i was melting.. like an ice cream sittin blatantly under the hot sun beside macs. And her personality, her character was so near perfect i knew i must break my vow and try my best. And i tried and persistenlt tried. There were many times i got garang msges, but at last i fond her soft button that wen i pressed it with my sincerity, i knew i got her. and when i did, i felt so overjoyed, i never felt like this before in my entire life. like im flying straight to the gates of heaven n back.

Kk, enuf saying. I shall describe it to ya since she is not ready yet to show herself to the world.

She is like, a mixture of german, arab, chinese etc etc, pan asean i daresay. Lovely skin, so pure white n her eyes are demure n sweet sparkling like freshwater from the mountains. She's from United World College, clever fella, and a musician too. How perfect for me! So she can play the piano while i rest my head on her shoulders and sing along. Her father's an ex major (YES SIR!!) n her mum, im nt sure hehe. She's a high flyer, but the thing bout her is that, she's more than willing to live in my middle, humble life of mine.

And i tell you, we are absolutely in lurve.. purr...

Although im in taiwan ryt nw, its hard on her u see. Im like her first bf, (she's 17 btw, but she look mature enuf for my childish babyish face of mine) n she'd sumtimes go stressed up. N im very worried u see. I dun wanna lose her, like i lose the rest. This one however, i wanna bring it, step it up n want it to be very very long.. I can see her as my future wife if u ask me.. She's a good person at heart n mind, young n challenging, fit! (her 2.4km best timing is 9.45, take that silver passes!!) n fun.

Its too early to say, but i wanna enjoy this moment together.. So off the record, honey baby, i miss u, and i love you so so much. Remember, the other gurls are just plain rejects from my life, you're the one that i need. Dun wori yar, abg here to take care of you.

Taiwan is a majestic place to train, its cool (more of frozen to me) and less vegetation (a big thumbs up for us soldiers cuz we don't need to bash through the shit). But they have one thing that kept my nails bitten everytime.

Dogs. Oh i hate them (sori darling, dis one i cannot agree with u) and i fear them. Its just that everytim this creatures of hell come up to me, they'll either growl n show their ugly smelly teeth, or they bark n spit out filth. Wth. ANd u noeme, ever since the day i was chase by this ultra dog, i fear them. And the thing is, there's soooooo many of them. One day taiwan will fall to the dogs i tell you, once they got the brains to rule the world. It'll be, Taiwan, Dog City haha. They breed like virus.. They got no control, they just keep on having sex and breed and sex and eat and sleep n then sex again. Goodness me, if men are like dogs, they'll have a jolly good ride, while women may just make good ties with the federal home for the children hahaha.

and the poop everywhere, how to walk sia?!

I must say, the govt shud do something about this creatures. Its making me nuts! I got stressed up everytime i see one.

Im slackin my ass off her, im under the atec umpires (they are like referees in a battle), and fromthe moment i touch down till now, all i do is eat, sleep, pspying, run, play soccer, sleep again, bathe, gossip, roll ard the blanket (i tol ya its freezing here). Madness, but if everyday like dat, i wanna sign on hahaha!

Got to go, my gf just msg me, require my immediate attention. Da!

Guys or gurls dun get jealous i got myself a preety lady, its just fate, u may say haz is a jerk, a playboy, nak yg cantek je, but wad to do. Im just like dat. But this one i will keep, n if got permits it, wanna make her my wife..

Peace.

Im back

Heya guys. Lost touch now eh. Don't blame me, blame the government. I don't mean for it to turn out this way.

Anyways, it feels good to type again, after months and months in the jungle. Through tough and trim, i manage to outlast and outplay to be a survivor.

Of the Mandai Jungle haha.

Goodness, NS is a shock for me. I didn't expect anything, lest the outcome of the whole 2 years of NS would deprive me of my sleep, culture, habit, and not to mention, CIVILISATION!!!

And NS tore me apart. I broke up 2 times!! 2 times!!! Sheesh, im bad.

Im not sure where to begin with. Hmm. But what i know, im going off to overseas dis sat, 2 dec. Not coming back for a long long time.

Ns provided me with the platform to build my confidence in myself and in people (not to mention being the fittest in the company, with SOC (standard obstacle course) timing of 7.56s, and 2.4km run of 8.30s! I felt like i was blasting through the air when i ran. Thanks to the army, im fit, healthy, string and handsome haha.

I also provided me with a list of good friends. I remembered a time in the jungle, we had 2 more hours to go, the trench was 3/4 deep, and i was sick due to an overdose of Sampoerna cigarettes (yeah, i picked up smoking here, but rest assured, i only smoke in the jungle, and maybe when im anxious haha).

I pleaded like a dog. "Din.. Manoor, tolong, aku sakit.. Maricar dah down. Aku dah down. Takde org nak continue. Tolong din.."

With a whipped of tartan, Mannor Khan, 48kg, brushed in like a fierce hunter, picked up the cangkul, lighted a cigarette, and said. "AKu ade, aku ade. Jap jap. Kasi aku 1 jam."

When i woke up, it was all done. Swee lah! Uplah!

They are the bestest of friends. To measure a friend, is when they are at the shag point, where everbody is tired to the max, they are the ones who will give the extra hand. And for that, i told them when we PO, "Eh, korang jgn lupa aku tau. Korang kawan baik aku."

NS opened up to me the art of appreciation. Whenever i come home, i hugged my mum. I don't know why, but i felt happy whenever i do so. I missed her, really. And whenever i step into the house, i smile. I tell myself, hey, im home, im safe.

Though there were a few bad ones. In bmt, i broke up with my chinese gf. Then in sispec, i broke up with my childhood friend. Great. Utterly great.

Reason?

The chinese one gave me loads of problems. In the end, i ditched her. Takleh angkatlah. I was increasingly becoming a signaller you know. Every hour must msg her. Tell her where i am. Of course im in tekong what. Maner ade pompuan kat situ sak? Makcik kantin aderlah. Abeh kalau jumpe, tknk kasi org balik rumah. She got the heart to make me choose, her or NS, or family. I chose the ditching. Stupid witch.

Yg lagi stau tu aku tknk sharelah. tmkh for the understanding yer.


My good friend Luqman got intro me this gurl from TP. Integrated Program dok. Umur muda dah pandai nk mampos tak cam aku. Her name is Syakira.

How to describe eh? She very white lar, pretty and sweet. My taste what. Fair and sweet. But i not sure lah. We haven met yet. And she is the type reply msg lambat nak mati. Smapai dah tido seh org. (Luqman ade warn aku pasal ni)

Not that i want to eat her up or what lar, but what i think is that she is scared of me. Haha, you know my first msg to her was the MOST LAMEST piece of crap i've evr typed. All thanks to Manoor Khan. Tulah aku nk msg korang kacau.
Gtg. blog later.

Post blues: I don't have a clue to my woe..

At last I was able to let it go. Macam si Suhaimi Yusoff cakap, the package has been drop, the matrix has been reloaded. I guess you guys don't have a clue do ya. Well, let me xplain.

Do you guys know or remember a picture I once mentioned, the one i sketched, and it took alot of work to complete that, like its one of the natural wonders of the world?

Don't call me michelangelo, but its like, i sketched it from my heart you see. Now every nook and cranny, every eyelid, every hair flowing from the inner root to the outer rim, its all in my mind. I can picture it as clear as the watery blue.

Now i gave it to her. Back. It doesn't belong to me, you see. As a birthday gift. Well, perhaps to her its just a pic of sorts. But to me, its more to it. It contains the very essence of the elements she taught me, or in fact, introduced it to me. It was love. And i put every element and essence of that into that picture. I used to just stare blankly at those beady eyes, and like just flow my life into that picture, in hopes of making it alive. Like pinocchio u c. But regardless of what i do, it'll just smile back blankly at my pitiful face, unknown, unexplored. I hence i knew what i must do. It doesn't belong to me. It has to go back to its owner.

And i gave it back. Last saturday. There was this mixture of guilt, relief, sympathy, sadness, and i must say, happiness. A feeling that i can't exactly pinpoint the right mixture of ingredients. I just smiled and laughed it all off, that's me ryt. But deep inside i knew, i have to let it go. Let it all go. And hold on to the very sweet memories that made me the man i would become to be.

So know, tonight, i shall work hard, i type out the sweet most virtue and innocent love of Muhd. Hazlami. His love life. His very first, that made him what he is right now. I shall not hesitate to type it out, nor reluctant to leave any single info about how it all started. I believe it is a must for me to share my love with the people, woth the crowd, with the world, in hopes that one day, i will be loved as how i have loved before.

For God, Muhammad, and the Muslims all across the nation, i give you, my life biography.

And i do this with reasons. Not to hurt anyone, but with a simple reason to tell.

Every human being needs love. It differentiates us from others. Love, iman, taqwa, morality, everything plays a part in this life. Success is not about academic performances, or how much money you make, but more of how much life you take. How much life you take before you leave to the next, where it is forever.

I give you, my love, my story, my life, and my heart. And to do this, i shall share it all out. Not the bad ones, for I think i have suffer a particular memory lost bout that. Haha. All the good ones, yes. All the good ones. And i hope you would understand, and hope that one day, we shall all be happy.

Shocking News: WHO IS SITI'S LOVER?!?!?!

I was shocked. Shit. Really. This morning i started the day by reading the local newspaper Berita Harian. Guess what??

To all siti nurhaliza's fans, i must say that it really sucks to see Siti happily opens up her love life to the press, depriving you and me from the chance of a lifetime to be her love (chey, mcm bleh dapat gitu, mamak bawah block jual aiscream tk bleh ngurat, ini pula siti? haha).

I must say, who the hell is Datuk K?!?! His picture in the news horrifies me. As in, come on man, siti is like THE woman off all time, and that guy in the pic has a moustache??!

Although it is true that i must be happy for her, WHAT THE HELL!!!

SHE SHOULD BE MINE!!!

PS: Im not a psycho, just disappointed that her love is some MY guy. Previous experience taught me never to mix MY people, pasal dorang tu cam cetek ah in terms of pemikiran.

Ade ituari yg gua pegi MY, aku berkenalan ngan budak MY ni. Baru jugak aku dah malas nak layan die. Dah lah tipu aku umur die, (umur die 16 tahun ni, muda nk mampos, mane interesting beb) die punyerlah immature. Abestos, aku kene maki hamun (specific: aku disuruh bogel oleh kakak die) pasal aku dah tk layan die. Ko imagine bill yg aku kene bayor. Mcm taik kan.

Oh, aku dah tk sedih sgt pasal result aku, psl aku dah berserah pd Tuhan. Sometimes, Tuhan atur hidop aku, such that mungkin die kasi aku gagal untuk kali ini agar aku diberi kekuatan untuk ujian2 yg akan datang. Mungkin die tak kasi aku riak kalau aku dah dapat markah bagus. Atau die dah aturkan rezeki aku, maner tau aku dah besao panjang jadi businessman ke, marketing director ke, journalist ke, ahli politik ke. Tapi yg pasti, aku tiap2 hari berdoa dan bermohon dapat masuk bioengineering aku. Dan tak lupa jugak, kalau tak diberi, aku dapat yg lebih baik.

Oh, permohonan aku untuk defer NS atas sebab nak retake Alevel kene tolak, pasal result aku ok. Itulah dia, negara Singapuraku yg tersyg (blardie hell). Mcm aku nak larikan diri dari NS gitu. Nilah NS, menyusahkan langsung. Psl tulah aku nak migrate dari tempat lahabao ni, hohoho. Tapi takpe, aku ade Pilot Medical Check Up soon, you guys doakan aku lah ye, bukan aku nak riak (nausubillah minzalik), tapi aku betul2 harap dapat masuk RSAF. Doakan ye, sesama Islam lah k? Maner tau aku dpt harumkan nama Islam. Insya'allah.

Faith is the heart of all desires

The prophet once said, "When God loves someone, He would test him. If he/she stood patient, then he/she would be chosen. And if he/she redha, then God make him/her among the chosen"

Faith is among the things I once stood upon during my earlier days as a teenager. Faith brought me to great friends whom by far puts upmost concern overmy well-being. Faith broughtme closer to God, where He taught me things like redha, like patience, dreams, goals, hopes and plights of the weak. I remained a low profilic species upon this earth, untouched,unsowed, and was let ripe under the bright sun. Faith taught me about love, to God and the Prophet (pbuh), and to my family.

Then came my JC years. Unfortunate to say, i gain a few knuts butlost a bag of galleons. I was totally lost. The previous victory in my OLevels taught me nothing but pride and happiness.

I did not work hard enough. I lost for the first time in my life. I let down my family and friends for the first time in my life. Although my results where considered ok, it wasn't what i hoped for.

Yesterday, upon reaching my crib, i sat down on the prayer mat and cried. I didn't whisper to God, instead, i spoke to him aloud in space and unknown time. I told him, why was i lost God? Is this your test to me? So that i can grow stronger than this,and be the best, not just the best, but the top student in my future endeavours? That was my dream back then,remember? I whispered to you, in the your very house, to make me smart and clever so that i can be the khalifah of the earth, so that i can be among the ulama' of islam, like Imam Nawawi, or Imam Syafi'e. is this oneof the paths i have togo through? Im sad, oh God. Im very disappointed with myself.

A request was made that fateful day.

"Oh mighty God, make this day an unforgettable day forme, so that i can use itto fuel myself forward, and show the whole world what Hazlami is capable of, and guide me along the way, protect me from riak and takabur, so that i can follow the path bestowed by the your beloved messenger. Make me among those who serve you with ikhlas, and jihad with knowledge and wealth. So that i can bring my family to a place of happiness. So that i can bring up the name of Islam, and show the world what a muslim can do."

Im still sad though. Admission date lingers nearer than i have expected it to be. Hopes of being the yop notch in the bioengineering sector diminishesbefore my eyes.

I plead to those who See what i See,who Feel what i Feel, pray for me.

PS: I'll show those buggers who bragged about their results. So what if you got your A's. I'll show you whose gonna earn more, and i'll assure you, i fall, i'll get up with a bang, and i shall learn not to fall again. I'll beat you. I promise. Not hatred. But pure competition.

Get your engines going, cause im all fired up for another round. Once im in my faculty (insyaalah) i show you guys what does it mean to be Hazlami.

Hasta Pronto.

(sori guys for not updating, been working on a book im writing,its called: AD-DIN, THE WAY TO GOD, perhaps once i get it done,i'll extract some of the contents for you guys to read. Its all about learning who you really are,and who that creates you, and the connections of all living life, a path of tasawuf and sufism.)

Shaggedelic: The one time virus that is rawkin the nation

Im back, whee he. At last, i am given the absolute power to do stuff on the internet. Its been like wad, 3 months? Goodness, it feels so refreshing. And to tap it all off, i actually exercised for like, 6 hours of non-stop physical activity. 3 days of straight gym work, and today, after friday prayers (andstill, i do see people, or shud i specifically recall, mat lepak and etc do NOT go to friday prayers. Eh, u guys pray 2 times a year issit? ) i actually played soccer till 6pm with my soccer pals. And i only had 2 prata (or in Negeri Sembilan, they call it roti canai, and for ur info, if u do ask for roti prata, they'll cooked it with lots of planta as topping, roti planta, haha, interesting..) And to end it all off, my father asked me to fetch him from Sheng Siong to carry goods. Imagine the horror of carrying two extremely heavy piece of worth crap from Ten Mile Junction to Senja Rd, nt to mention the extra 1km run from Teck Whye to Shen Siong (the place where i played). Sheesh,bug complains from the Respected One.

I want to mention my experience as an innocent angel (yeah, right u are) clubbin' till late night. Only two trips, and it is enuf for me nt to ever go there animore. Went to M.O.S( Ministry of Sound) on wed, and my only intention of going is to accompany my good old friend, Brennan, who appears to hv free entry tix for two. And so we went, lined up with the rest of them, and in i go.

Rule no 1: Get urself an oxygen tank if u must, cuz the air there really intoxifies u. Full of CIGARETTE SMOKE (the boldlines infers my absolute hatred to smokers. Why in the ruddy hell do God invent cigarettes?)

Rule no 2: Get urself a companionship, a variety of ppl, boring ones and happening ones,and bring female human beings if u must

Rule no 3: Do NOT buy any drinks in there, even if u suffer from hydration, for the love of God, pls DON'T

Rule no 4: Beware of the drunk. Especially women, who cannot hold their liquor. There's this once at MOS, a gurl came directly at me an attempt a dirty dance, and started kissing my jacket, and altho she is H.O.T, it really isn't right. She ended up kissing some other guy. And im really not regretting it. she wasn't herself anyway, most of them are. But i am not like those people. I am, Hazlami, Hazlami. And i dun drink, one night stands, court girls, smoke or wadever. I am as clean as the bleach solution that bleaches clothes.

Rule no. 5: Always make sure you are yourself throughout the party. This advice goes to those Muslims like me who goes clubbin just to find some experience of wad they call, Night Life. And really, if you are a person of pure principle, insteadof forcing yourse;fto be wild, or lose yourself, you make conclusions, inferrential facts, thinking statements, or shud i say, wise outlook of the whole clubbin' issue. That is exactly wad i did. At MOS that is. @ Rave, it was a total different thing (Astaghfirullah)

Rule no 6:Never judge a person there. The one rule of the thumb is to let yourself loose. And so, the person you are dancing with is really not his/herself.

Im sharing this outlook solely to give people the inside story. Really nt for fun, or shit ass things. Our parents use to say, "Don't go to these places,it would not do you good", or the cliche version "Tempat tu maksiat, rumah syaithan".

Seeing is believing. And i went there to clarify my doubts: Why do clubs pose a great risk to people. How does it shape our lives. What if it is not there,can we live w/o it. What attractions does it have that make people drain their pockets on vodka lime that they themselves know would make them sick, or even worse, drunk.

And Mr Hazlami would give his utter insides later. (He did not bring his personal journal with him at this cafe.So bear with him aite)

There is a qn i would like to pose here. If you notice the tagger who says, nvm, just try2 lar, who noes it will work(my version), let us think twice, and wear our rational caps on.

My name is Hazlami. I live in Bukit Panjang. I grew up in a moderately poor family of religious principles. My mum is a ustazah who teaches peopleto read the Holy Quran and fiqh. My father holds 'tasawuf' in his very heart, and he himself is a teacher in Dunearn Sec (to wrap it all up, he is like the Gandalf the White of LOTR plus Yoda of Star Wars, he can read your face and says, you never salawah [a prayer to praise the Messenger of God], or, you haven pray yet, and yes, he can read your mind as perfectly as he could, so no point lying to him, he would probably have known it a couple of days back when he dreams about you going out with a girl, or perhaps, sees the image in your beady eyes,sheesh). And i too practise the ways of the tasawuf, to instead of living the life, you conclude life. And i live in the worships of Allah and Rasul, and practise the syariah. So frankly speaking, im the type your mum would wanna match make with. And, im the type who adheres to the very meaning of 'feelings' every human being possess.

So my ans is simply, i have broken too many hearts, and i totally lost mine. Who would dare offer their hearts to me, to keep me beating for love? I would not want to break any more hearts. It is better to love God and His messenger,cuz for surethey would nt break mine. Im entirely looking for a women who can really reallymake me smile right now. who can willingly take care of me when i am sick.Who holds promises dearly at heart. Who would never double cross me, even if she hasdone that before. Who can at last, convince me that love is a beautiful butterfly, not a fire-breathing dragon. Who is patient and help me wen im down in the dumps. who possess the ability to brighten my life with a single smile,or perhaps, words of love and encouragment. Who prays for our realtionship to last. Who is really serious, and would put her life to keep it going. Who is willingly to commit herself to me.

Cuz for sure, i wud do the same, if she gives her heart to me. Cuz frankly speaking, im hollow right now.Zero. Empty. Numb is a feeling i wud use to describe wad i feel.

It is happy to know that i have friends out there who cares for me, and would willingly offer a hand of friendship. and im really happy to have them, cuz they make me happy. But companionship? Why at 18 already do we assert ourselves to find companions, who in return, would not last. Now i believe wad Diana has to say.Love cannit last. Partially that is. Love is everlasting,only if you believe in it. And it takes both parties to put friendship, commitment, and care to make it forever. And i absolutely disagree to those excuses, saying that, "I want to end this relationship because i love you."

Stupid you people would remain. Ignorant shall you suffer. How can you love someone so much you want him to end a beautiful memorable picture if u and him. Ape, erm, alasan like "I want you to be happy,and this is the only way."

Damned. Does it bring happiness to them? They can move on, yes they can.But forget? Surely you peoplemust realise how hurtful it is. Oh, it is only short term pain. Rubbish. Pain tetap pain.Sakit will always be sakit. You would never embark on a journey of a lifetime just to end up throwing the person off the boat, hoping somehow he finds a better ship with better sails. Have you peopleever consider the person could have drown?

Think. God gives you brains to differentiate you from animals. Peoplewho do not think, sori to say, are like animals themselves. The least a dog could do was to show compassion at the death bed of his master. Not that im implying it totally to me,or wad i have experience. This topic goes to all across the board.

Never use that excuse ever again. Trust me, it'll haunt you to your death and hereafter even if you think you have forgotten.Hazlami never forgets, nor does he condemns. I forgive. And i share it to people so they would not suffer like me. Got chucked out of the 'attatched' club 3 times, and chuck people outta ma freaking closet 5 times. And till now, i condemn myself for breaking the heartsof 8 women and gurls. And really, it is not something i shud brag about. Serious.

Im ending my chapter by saying, "Never cheat, lie, or drink. If u must cheat, cheat cheaters. If u must lie, lie life. If you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breathe away."(kk, last part tu je cam citer The Hitch, yg lain, aku nyer hahaha)

PS: Thx tu Khairul Ruzaini for reading word by word posted here in this blog.I owe you a lifetime of support.

Rectifying the pro-active problem

Necessary actions need to be taken to contain my lust for broken, breaking or going-to-break relationships. To produce solutions, first and foremost the issue must be discussed.

Why, at the age of 18, do boys-to-men like me desire the company of women?

1. Women at this age and below or above have the natural attractiveness that would make any men inclined to have unsurpassed incontrolable relationships.

2. Men at this age would need a company so that he could go thru NS with ease (or other words, taking advantage lar)

3. Women simply ouplays men at dis age.

4. Women portray themselves as a medium for men like me as a shoulder to cry on.

But wadever the reason is, i noe FOR HELL SURE that i would NEVER SUCCEED in getting a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP.

This is evident by my recent admissal from the 'attatched' club. And of course my other 2 rejections. And of course, nt to mention i rejected 5 ladies.

dat makes 8. 8 relationships that go off course. wtf?!

My bro use to say, wen the time comes, it'll come, but if u got hold of the moment, than catch it, if not, i'll fly away.

That means i slip 3 birds and ran away from 5 oncoming birds that kept pecking my chest, demanding the right of passage to my heart.


Tell u the truth, remember watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai?

You can never forget your first love. My first love is, tkde lain tk bukan, Nur Aishah whom many might have known, especially my close frens. The thought of 'those days' (haha, nadiah, i still believe it's true) makes me excited and all flimsy. But the deeper you dwell in, the more pain u feel. But im the type who would delve deeper than anyone would think. And to think of it, she thought me the very basic lesson of life.

LOVE. And before that, all i know of that word was stewpig lomantic lovey dovey kissy wheezy thingy which gurls of that age love ta experience, but for me, its all bout me me me, and soccer that is.

Until i troud over the path that met me to her, i suddenly grew out of it. And till this very day, i shall always treasure that moment when my path met hers. It was erm, during lunch, first orientation day at AJC, where i was eating lunch with my malay frens after the Friday prayers. At that mo, she didnt saw me, but i saw her haha. Remembered how i was, so excited and happy, called up 3 frens spontaneously, brennan, kamarul and nadiah anak basiron.

Den blah blah blah. And it ended so hurtful and miserable i dun dare mention it ever. And till now, both me and her cudnt work out the end. I have alot of reasons to it, but as the hazlami, i was the one at fault. (thx to nadiah who told me how it feels like to be in her shoes).

Piar. It is a dangerous yet perfect word in disguise.

And to tell u the truth, i shall let it out right now. This very moment, Hazlami will tell u his deep dark secret that took him 2 years to say it out.

Treasure this moment, aish, for this is for u, only for u, not for noone, just u.




Here it goes.....





I shall stand on my promise, to put Aishah as my first and last woman i'll ever love. And even if there's someone else out there, i can only gif 70% of my soul and energy to that person. Reason?

Kuch Kuch hota hai. There is something in this world that is unexplainable.




Fuh, alhamdulillah, i have let it all out. I feel better now. Maybe. :/

a big laugh for the big loser

It is the end. Im opening a new chapter. I've finally accepted that im a loser in r/ships.
Boohoo.

I suck, period.

Im single right now. And its going to stay this way for my entire life.

Hasta Pronto.

my journey.

It seems my journey is prolonged. Im leaving soon. And comin back home seems a faraway dream. Nt sure when Im coming back. Bt it doesn't matter anyway. Its for my own gd.
At least.


I passed my flight interview. One more test to go and im off flying to my dreams. Literally.

Had a much short phone conversation wiv Hamizan, my twin bro. Hearing us bck together as b4 makes comin bck home a one way tic to england. Thx bro, for forgiving me. I shall treasure u lyk i treasure my family.

Speaking of which, Im starting to miss her.
Dreamt of her, n of cuz not to mention my past sweetheart. Dun undastand hw come both of dem are in the same scene, at the same time. I woke up feeling utterly confused.

My old fren once asked me, "Wad if ur past comes and wants to start afresh wiv u?"

My ans?

I mite tend to accept her.
But now, my ans is "I donno".


Ps: thx Nad, ur doing great there by helping me. I owe u lunch *wiv mimi also la.. haha* N yes, im doing fine.

*N to You, wen u close my eyes, i saw u. Wen i open my eyes, i miss u. So, i prefer closing my eyes.


words of wisdom, courage, honour, prestige nvr goes out of style - Mindef.

Hasta Pronto.

Hazlami unleashed. Period

Prom nite was the best day of my life. period.

Enjoyed the whole program. Enjoyed looking smart and handsome. Enjoyed taking pics with beautiful ladies (ahem) and smart gentlemens..

And the after party was the highlight.

My first ever visit ti clubs.@ rave.

I went clubbin with my mates. The atmosphere was hot and heavy, the music superb. The peeps was rawking the house down.

When the pics are ready, i shall put it on my blog.

I wore this kind of 'Hitch' style and da, a fair bit of my own. Wanna say to all, hey, u guys look great!! Had a make-up done by my mummy.

Den went there and blah blah blah. Wad strike my head was this particular person who lookes astonishingly exquisite, with all the beauty i've never seen in my life.

And the person still hasn't left my brain entirely. Somehow,i think i hv a crush on her.But, she's chinese, im a bugis, how say? i dun mind lah, but some ppl mind the skin colour u c.Haiz. Untill now, still cannt get her of ma mind. The way she move, she talk, she puts herself forward, such beauty. Such life. She grooved her way thru my soul.

And the magic?

My heart started beating. It started to beat. It has been a long year.And my heart woke up from slumber.

It was a miracle. I nearly criedwhile i danced. But i kept my composure.

Anyways, it feels great to blog again. haha.got a lot of stories to tell.

Tmr, got RSAF interview. Fri, going overseas. Haish.

Overseas. nvr had the intention to go. the treatments, the boredom, wad else?

Haish. And i dun think i'll be cumin back early. It depends u c.




Heard from a fren of mine, there's someone who asked about me.Gosh. I thot u forgot me. Well, i cudnt forget u, but like i said, i did an assumption that u wud forget me. Thx for the thought anyway. Haish.

Nvm bout that, hmm, wad shud i write?oh yes, i wrote LOTS of sajaks this past few weeks, wud post them as soon as possible. Look out for my name in the news yeah?

Anyways, about prom, i think u shud be the prom queen, really, that gurl doesnt deserve it.

PS: You're beautiful. Shud have say dis to ya dat nite.

*You woke up my heart. It beats for you. It breathes your name. It loves you. Time will tell.*

Shall blog again tmr..

Masalah demi masalah (or, problems and more problems..)

Gue berada di dlm wdlands library ngah blaja ngan abg gue ngan matair dier, cey, cam bodyguard plak aku..

Aku teraser cam budak menyebok jager tepi kain org plak, tapi, asal abang aku tk kesah, aku pon cam malas nak beri komentar..

Semuer kengkawan2 di skolah dah dpt surat NS dorang.
Sipot betol lar. Biler seh aku nyer turn?

Aku harap2 masok Civil Defence atau Police, takmo Army lah, mcm sipot je, asek kene tekan.
(Mizan dpt aper agaknyer eh? Boy scout eh? hahaha)

Kasihan aku kepada kengkawan2 poly aku yg tersyg. Haha. AKu masok dulu, nanti kalo ader naseb, aku jadik Officer, korang semuer kenelah padahnyer haha.

Maseh byk yg perlu aku blaja demi mengharungi exam yg aku raser begitu susah sekali. Tk penah aku amek exam sesusah cam nie, asek kene blaja je, sampai aku pat toilet pon ngah hafal concept2. (dah tak nyanyi dlm toilet ah)

Bad news: Aku gadoh lagik ngan si pompuan ciner tu. Dahlah asek bangun lambat, abeh asek question aku je. Ko tau tak, asek kene report je maner aku pegi, sampai kalo aku tak jawab msg dier, dier call rumah aku, tk sedap plak tu pasal kekadang MAK aku angkat.. ceh.

Bukan aku tk suker dier, aku cumer teraser cam terkongkong gitu, so beginilah rasernyer. Tapi, aku tkkan basted dier, dier budak baik dan ader reason disebalik knaper dier cenggitu ngan aku. Pasal tu aku ngah tunggu dier basted aku, baru orait. Bleh buat alasan kan? Tapi, Hazlami budak baik lar, tak buat cenggini. Aku budak yg taat setia. So, aku serahkan pada Tuhan, dan waktu yg ader.

Good news: Kengkawan Hongkah Pri Sch aku yg dah lamer aku tak nampak nak buat perjumpaan buka posa rame-rame. Hapi sae aku, dah lamer tk nmpk bebudak tu yg dah ceriakan hidop aku dlm zaman kanak-kanak aku.

Ader lagik, class aku dah organize chalet pat Pasir Ris situ, dua tingkat beb, abeh 3 hari, 2 malam lagik. Bonos! Puas gue main2 nanti, hehehehehe( evil-evil)

Ader lagik, jgn bilang saper saper tau, lagi2 yg tk paham bahaser melayu. Ahem.

Aku berjaya keluar ngan HAIRDRESSER aku haha. Skill tak aku? Padahal umor dier cam meningkat 21 tahun depan. Aku? Setakat 18tahun mentah. Budak tu interesting beb, dahlar rambot dier stail habes habesan, dier janji ngan aku nak buat rambot aku cam Tom Cruise, haha, merepek lah.

Tapi aku tak main2 ngan sape2 har, jgn ader pekeran negatif.

AKU HANYA NAK EXPAND SOCIAL CIRCLE aku, so, kalo aper2, ader backup, cam carik keje ke, ape ke, kan senang..

Haha, selagi bertemu di angin lalu..

Hasta prontos.

(still thinking of you..)

Obviously, its always when the end comes, people start appreciating your work, your love and sacrifices.

Too bad, im just too frustrated to think of that.

Anyways, my old folks came ta my crib last Sunday! I was damn happy to see them all well and walking about. Had lots of talking with them, especially my grandad, whom I much closer with, and to whom he can always relate to. For ur info, im the closest 'cucu' to my grandad, u c. So yupz, had a great time with them.

Monday was a total waste, i didnt had much things to mug, cuz whenever immat home, there's always the distraction. Even so, i had this great pain in the head, and i woke up feeling lyk shit, as though i had a hangover. It was a total suck time.

Im blogging in this computer room at sch. Gotta GP mock exam, and actually, we are supposed to come for the Principal's Farewell Assembly, but ader tiga budak melayu nie tk pegi langsung. Buat bodoh sua. Haha.

Oh, this guy by the name of WILLIAM from FRIENDSTER, who msged my fren who has dreams to be a RSAF pilot. Gear up Muslim frens, cuz here is an another bugger who shoots not just racial remarks, but religious one as well.


He said something bout....MUSLIM TERRORIST.. and .....FUCK OFF... and...BOMB...

Well, as a muslim to an INFIDEL like you, tell you wad, you are an RSAF OFFICER, and YOU are NOT a role model towards the rest of the crew.

People like you should be in the hijacked plane or the twin towers and died, bcuz you know why?

Cuz people like you are the CAUSE of unneccassary scrutiny, and the conflicts around the globe, let it be the USA against the Muslims (which is evidently true, as seen from their stand against Muslim terrorist, see the word "MUSLIM")

And perhaps you need to see the reason why people like you shud go to hellm with the rest of the people who discriminates other people.

Sori dude, im not a racist, but a peace lover, and arrogant lil assholes like you threaten the sovereignity of the world.

Fat hope buggers, and to the rest of USA BUSH Administration.

And for ur info, it is the West that labelled these terrorist MUSLIMS, and the Palestinian people MwILITANTS.., where tamil tigers are called FIGHTERS, and Abu sayyaf REBELS, and Palestinians MILITANTS.. WAD THE FUCK??? (forgive me God, i am sinned)

Wanna add another phrase..

ATHEIST NON-BELIEVING ZIONIST PIGS..

Hasta pronto.

Tunjukkanlah aku satu bintang..

Lagu nie best sae.. Dari Sheila On 7, salah satu lagu feveret gue..

Aku nk jgk suroh aku nyer band main lagu nie, sedap siot..

Anyways, aku berada di dlm Woodland Library, pakai com dorang, entah camaner aku leh ingat balek password aku yg dah lamer aku luper. Haha.

Tadi kanchong cam nak mati, sampai dlm kul 9.30am, itupon ader org lebih kanchong darik aku, naseb baek aku dpt cop satu tempat. Byk org yg aku nmpk dulu. Haha. Yg dahulu aku kemudiankan jelah.

Jap agi aku kene jumpe abg aku. Dier kater nk blanja aku. Baguslah kalo begitu.

I got a few more topics to touch before i end my revision, then off to practise papers.
TYS dah cam bible aku.

Last Friday was a very nostalgic moment in my life. Its always the end of time when ppl start appreaciating others, when ppl start asking for forgiveness or etc. I was in near tears when Ms Sabariah cried in front of the class. But luckily, i cud control the storm in me. All the memories i spent in Anderson JC for the past 2 years came rushing like a pack of hungry dogs. We took pictures, and i eventually hadta be among the camwhores. My fans took their last pics of me, and off i went to Al Khair Mosque. Instead of taking a bus home, i walked. I nt sure why i did dat, but this song dat u guys are hearing was on my mp3 back then, and i suddenly did wad i did.

Coba kau tunjuk satu bintang..
Sbagai pedoman langkah kita..


Akanku ukir, satu kisah cinta kita
Dimana baik dan buruk, terangkum oleh indah
Akanku cerna semua karya cinta kita
dimana hitam dan putih terbalut hangat nya cinta..


Wish that it wud be as before. Where i wud write "karya's" of poems to you, and it really felt great, cuz i got to express my feelings. Now? All i got was a few poems of the world, about life ard me. Does that make me a changed person?

But yes, i shall cerna and ukir all the little things we had together, and perhaps, i shall make a poem of us. About how it all happen. A story begins, a story ends, like a chapter of a book. But i shall not end that poem, but, shall left it hanging, and perhaps, let time tell and people know hoe much i miss you and love you..

Always,
Hazlami.

3 more weeks to A'levels..

Tmr our graduation assembly..

Today gotto sing a bdae song to this unknown fan of mine in sch..

More hrs of studying to go..

My patient running thin..

My head spinning slim..

My thoughts amoking like mobbers back in late 60s..

My eyes weary from such long nights and days spent on reading and writing..

My eyes teary from daily prayers and tarawehs dat kept me 'alive' and closer to God..

My hands tired and my back hurts like a pile of cow droppings on my lean shoulder..

My ears tired of hearing mp3 songs bout dirty songs, gurls that are too beautiful to be kept alive and shit..

blargh!

I feel horrible. Its always this stupid cycle of guilt and disgust. When can it ever end?

Im really sori that i cannot accept you. Im a bad person. I break people's hearts. And people break my heart. Makes me a heartless person. That's why im into sufism. A path of solitudeness, where i can find back my lost self.

Yes and no, i lost my confidence. Not that i lost confidence in you, but i lost faith in the type of commitment i give to people, and how my weakness which is the tendency to get distracted by other problems and insecure easily gets the better of me, making the situation a very ideal way of saying, GO TO HELL YOU EVIL BASTARD. (Astaghfirullah, i said a bad word)

Thats me. Yes, i can be myself, sometimes im not myself. But no one, i mean it, NO ONE would ever really understand the complex matter of me. Im too complex to even think.

Last but not least, you already know that my heart is with someone else, and i would do what it takes to reopen the wound and never let it heal. I hide my sorrow by smiling, and by praising God and the Prophet, by going to maulids and majlis zikirullah, by making friends and not just enjoying life, but understand life itself.

Try and understand my philosophy, my principles in life. I beg you.

Im too much for a person to bear. Im too much. You can say whatever it is that potrays the good side of me, but still, I am what you say i am, if i wasn't, than why would i say i am, in the news, the papers everyday i am.

I dunno, its just the way i am. Too bad, so sad. Life must go on.

And yes, you'll be among the 70 people i would save from hell fire, with my amalan versing surah Ikhlas everday(according to Kitab Riyadus Salikin). My parents, my loved one, my family, and my friends.

That is the only thing that is in my mind ryt now.

Rabbana Atina Fiddunia Hasanah, wafirg akhirati hasanah, wakina a'zabannar!

Oh Allah, give us safety here and hereafter, and save us from hellfire.

Amin.

Saving the people i love from hellfire is the main goal im after. We are all part of the same source. So, tell me, what is more important than this? Love? Love to God, dat is.

Wsslm.

I read noni's blog. So sad. Hey gurl, im a person of forgiveness. I already forgot wad happen btwn us, like how i forgot the thing btwn nad and me.

Jgn plak berkata anda kan pergi.

You want a new song? I got a new song to sing for you.

I shall give you a call soon. If God izins.

Ta.

Pengorbanan

Topic yg aku nk discuss pader hari nik ialah, PENGORBANAN.

Seperti kekata omputih, "How far would you go to reach what you want"

Selalunyer dorang reply, "As far as i can possibly reach."

Kekata hanya tinggal kekata. Hilang dlm ingatan, hilang dlm hembusan.

Kalo kornag tanyer aku, susah aku nk jawab. Dah byk aku korbankan. Tapi nmpk tk berhasil. Mungkin ini adalah sesuatu yg patut aku lihat. Aku berkorban kerana manusia, tk dgn tuhan. Mcm mana nk dpt keredhaan?

Dlm bulan ramadhan nie, aku terasa syahdu setiap masa aku dudok bersama keluarga nak buka puasa. Entak kenapa. Setiap hari aku zikir, Allah huma innaka affu'un tuhibbul afwa fafu'an na. Adakah Tuhan sudah mengampuni dosaku yg berhimpun cam gunung everest? Pikir balik boleh nangis. Tapi aku pegang pada kata Quran, Allah bersama mereka yg bersabar. Bersama. Itu perkataan yg membangkitkan rasa secure atau rasa selamat. Itulah yg dimaksudkan oleh ayat itu.

Tk pernah Allah meninngalkan kita begtu saja, lihat sajer makanan dan minuman kita ada. Tapi, kita yg sering lupa dan lalai. Tapi, Tuhan suka mereka yg mencuba. Yg berkorban. Bukan mcm meletopkan badan pat org sampai namer Islam tercemarlar, tapi berusaha menggubah, jihad melawan nafsu dlm diri sendiri. Aku dulu suka kutok org. Skrg, aku dah kurang lar. Smoga tak bangkit tabiat burok aku tu.

Pengorbanan. Sebenarnya byk aku nk ckp. Aku samapai dah tulis kitab mengenai Islam dlm sudut sufi. Aku harap buku tu dpt beri sedikit sebanyak pendalaman dlm pemikiran seorang sufi.

Kalo kornag nak tau, org sufi tk pikir pon bende2 alah mcm terrorisme nie semuer. APe yg ade dlm otak dorang dgn sentiasa ialah, kalimah ALLAH, dan perkataan HU, yakni Dia.

InsyaAllah, aku akan share sikitlah isi buku tu. Aku nk tukar blog skin aku, jadi yg mcm tempat org tuntut ilmu, cam intstitute Hazlami gitulah.

Fasal, blog nie bukan saja digunakan utk kongsi kehidupan dan emosi, tapi PENGALAMAN. Aku nk kongsi pengalaman dan perspektif aku tentang issu yg tk byk org pikir kan.

Issue kehidupan. Life. Hakikat hidup. Makrifah. Ilmu. Sifat. Nur. Semua faktor2 ini akan membawa kita pada jalan yg satu.

Ikhdinassira talmustaqqin. Jalan yg benar. Jalan pada yg Satu.

ALLAHUTA'LLA.

Cekalkan hati menempuh ranjau..

Isk, dah lamer aku tk berblog2 nie, ader cam masalah nk masok blog aku nie. Takpe, aku pon nk tukar blogskin kasik lagi simple untuk mereka nk masok.

Im joining up with bren to make a blog solely for knowledge and info disemination. Im writing a sufism-based articles whereas bren will be writing stuffs bout the world, how touchy.

Anyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Dah 18 tahun beb, mesti kene ade amanah dan tanggungjawab jager mak bapak, yelah, mak bapak aku dah tua, tk lamer lagi bapak aku pencen, mestilah aku carik alternatif nak membiayai hidop aku.

Birthday aku aku celebrate ngan family aku ngan salah seorang kawan aku yg bernamer Jenny. Buat julong2 kalinyer aku celbrate ngan family sebelah mak aku, ngan aku seperti biasa sponsor cakenyer. Haish, asek aku jer kene beli cake sendiri. Kekadang pikir balek, aku memang tk suke hari jadi aku. Cam siak. Abeh tu, betambah plak memori2 silam yg pahit cam karepap.

Lepas tu, hari Ahadnyer, aku pegi ngok wayang ngan makan ngan jenny. Naseb baik dier pandai amek hati aku, walaupon byk bebudak ciner telah gagal mencuba, namun aku raser org spt jenny nie tk gif up. Tapi dier muda sgt lah. Aku muda sgt. AKu maseh tk dpt bukak hati aku pat org lain.

Anyways, it was nice, jenny, really. And i mean excluding the fact that you poured drops of chocolate milk on my NICE and BRAND NEW shirt!
ahaha

anyways, abg aku kasik aku bag nie, touching giler, aku harap aku dpt blaja sunggoh2 dptkan result yg baik untok Alevel.

Ader jugaklah mereka2 yg beri aku prezent. Tima kaceh aku kepada semua, terutama, mak ngan bapak, adek dan abg, kaum keluarga seblah mak aku, Ain yg berikan sumbangan besar (sgt creative, aku *ahem* suka dan *coughs* touched, haha), Brennan yg akan ku temuinya esok di raffles place kerna telefon call yg menunjukkan ko maseh bestfriend aku hidop mati (touching giler, dier call aku mlm2 untuk wish aku happy burfdae, smagat, abeh tu maseh kasi aku smagat, bez), bebudak tuision aku yg panggil aku gay, bebudak yg beri aku chocolate pat depan pintu aku, org yg kasik aku wallet cantek melalui post (aku kategorikan mereka nie dlm fan account gua haha), dan mereka2 yg telah memberikan senyuman mesra padaku. Tima kaceh byk2, dan tk luper, Jenny yg ku kaseh, kerna lunch and movie yg begitu *ahem* kelakar dan menghiborkan.

Tk luper jugak, aku nak mintak maaf atas segala dosa kau pat kengkorang, nk dekat ramadhan, mesti jage 'hablum minallah, wa hablumminannas', harap pinta ku diterima, amin.

Sempena hari jadi aku, aku nak minta 3 doa. Satu, aku dan keluarga ku sehat. 2, Alevel aku ok. 3, dia yg maseh aku tk dapat lupakan semoga apa jua beliau akan berjaya dan hidup bahgia.

Kalau kornag maseh nk tahu, ya, sejak kebelakangan nie, aku byk fikir pasal dier. Saya harap kamu tahu apa yg saya maksudkan. Aku nak confess pasal dah tk bleh tahan.

Dlm hidop aku, benar kater Diana, aku hidop dlm kehidupan org lain, dan aku nie hidop dlm self-denial atau keadaan yg tidak dpt ku terima hakikat.

Hakikatnyer, ialah, aku maseh fikirkan dier, walaupon dia yg bernama ego itu cuba nak tutup aib, tapi dia yg bernama hati cuba membukanya. Dan sejak kebelakangan ini, hazlami yg dulu dah kembali bermukim di hati. Kelembutan yg ada dlm diriku mula berputik. Dan juga cintaku padanya.

Hakikatnyer, aku maseh tk dpt lupakan dier, aku tk tau kenaper. Penah aku tanyer abg aku, aku tanyer dier. Dier jawab dgn mudah, "Ko nyer cerita ader sikit je cam aku ngan nazirah. Cume ko kompleks sikit, psl kehadiran makhluk bernama ego. AKu tau ko maseh cinta dier. Ape lagi, bilanglah dier. Ape susah sgt"

Ckp bukan main senang. Mulut laser. Manerlah aku ader keberanian untuk berhadapan dgn sesuatu yg tk mungkin aku dpt kecapi??
Cuma hanya sesuatu hakikat yg aku dpt terima. Sekarang. Dan esok.

AKu masih cintakan dia.

Hasta Pronto

Aku sbenarnya nak

Fish with the PE dept!

Argh, fish man. Damn fisherman. All i did was to forgot to bring my PE shirt. At least i DID wear a house shirt. Still that damn fisherman not only scold me, he put me on make up! Now i got like, wad, 4 makeups to do???

Chicken. Raser cm sipot. Kalo dipikirkan, aku tk bersalah sipot. Abeh si lahabao tu tk caya.

"Oh, my problem ar?"

Fish you lar. As a wud be pilot, i dun deserve dat comment.

I'll make sure im in the pilot wings, get a god damned F-15, fly right above the track and whamp!! hit him right in that blessed messenger's holy ass *cannot find a word to replace that word, heck lar*

Dah langgar dier pastu bukak afterburners buat daging babi out of him.

Sipot nyer cikgu. Haish.

Anyways, I was nearly late just now. Ran at top speed, i suppose it was near mark 2! Shit! I got into the gate, and just let the malay guard left his hands there in air which was supposedly a well shaking of hands. And speed in, and i nearly fall on my head cuz i suddenly felt damn dizzy. Fish!

Nasib baik gua sampai dlm masa yg teramat crucial tu. I hate today.

I need coffee. 12 cans??

Planes, dropping from the sky...

I've got good news.

I passed my CPTS test, the pilot test lah. Chey, never had the right order of mind to see myself as a potential pilot.

Anyways, more good news.

I received a call from the CMPB SAF career centre regarding this thing. I was put under a special programme under the RSAF, for the near-perfect scores in the test. They say, they'll give me more details later on, but first i must clear my interview.

HOW GREAT IS THAT!!!!???!!!

Talk about planes dropping from the sky...

Anyways, even if i got in, i wun put in much hope inta it cuz i learnt (and also wad my mum is always in constant bickering about) that u musnt put too much hope on something, nanti kater org 'hampeh' kan tk begitu?

Takpleah, tapi the thought of this..

"Eh, how are you brother? Long time no see, where are you now are? Teacher? Economist?"

"No lah, i fly."

Hahaha, nice reply man. Abg aku doctor, aku pilot, tk gerek ke gitu?? Best sae kalo cenggini.

And i realli like flying. In fact, once they announce my interview, i'll do alot of research on RSAF and stuff liddat. Razor's helping me. Read the book he showed to me bout the RSAF in 35 years. Goodness me. Those apaches realli look cute (Wad do you call me now? Not gay, no no.. hmm..)

Btw, most of my fam members are not doing well now, some sicklar, apelah. I hope they are ok..

I hate this blogger thing. I DID updated my last entry, it was like a 45 inches of parchment lar! Waste time sia, pastu tkbleh post, den lost all the shit. Grr..!

Im putting up the old song Evergreen back on the blog. Somehow i've been getting weird dreams of you. Makes me realli missing you.

I forgot to mention, didja read up on the current news of Africa? God, now the media's cracking up reports bout them, i have the feeling that i may be using those as facts for my GP prelims.

40 more days to Alevel.. muahahahaha..

Dad's gonna kill me for this. I must make sure i study harder, for the glory, the love and pride.

Hazlami never loses his pride. Period. *evil grin*

Planes, dropping from the sky...

I've got good news.

I passed my CPTS test, the pilot test lah. Chey, never had the right order of mind to see myself as a potential pilot.

Anyways, more good news.

I received a call from the CMPB SAF career centre regarding this thing. I was put under a special programme under the RSAF, for the near-perfect scores in the test. They say, they'll give me more details later on, but first i must clear my interview.

HOW GREAT IS THAT!!!!???!!!

Talk about planes dropping from the sky...

Anyways, even if i got in, i wun put in much hope inta it cuz i learnt (and also wad my mum is always in constant bickering about) that u musnt put too much hope on something, nanti kater org 'hampeh' kan tk begitu?

Takpleah, tapi the thought of this..

"Eh, how are you brother? Long time no see, where are you now are? Teacher? Economist?"

"No lah, i fly."

Hahaha, nice reply man. Abg aku doctor, aku pilot, tk gerek ke gitu?? Best sae kalo cenggini.

And i realli like flying. In fact, once they announce my interview, i'll do alot of research on RSAF and stuff liddat. Razor's helping me. Read the book he showed to me bout the RSAF in 35 years. Goodness me. Those apaches realli look cute (Wad do you call me now? Not gay, no no.. hmm..)

Btw, most of my fam members are not doing well now, some sicklar, apelah. I hope they are ok..

I hate this blogger thing. I DID updated my last entry, it was like a 45 inches of parchment lar! Waste time sia, pastu tkbleh post, den lost all the shit. Grr..!

Im putting up the old song Evergreen back on the blog. Somehow i've been getting weird dreams of you. Makes me realli missing you.

I forgot to mention, didja read up on the current news of Africa? God, now the media's cracking up reports bout them, i have the feeling that i may be using those as facts for my GP prelims.

40 more days to Alevel.. muahahahaha..

Dad's gonna kill me for this. I must make sure i study harder, for the glory, the love and pride.

Hazlami never loses his pride. Period. *evil grin*

Pilot test was a benchmark for me. I now realised i have a few touches of being a pilot. Navigation was a breeze for me. Im JOINING THE YFCssssss!!!!

Blargh.

I wanna rush to the stars!!

Goodness me. I was practically the most HAPPIEST PERSON ON THE ENTIRE PENINSULAR.

I was among the birdies in the sky. And thx to Razor (Salihin), I am in need. Of. Speed. Muahahaha.

I was astonished by the way they flew, and how merciful are we to them on the ground.

The nightview was even better, there were supernovas cracking the night slumber over two areas, the Padang and the Marina South carnival, and from the secret place *hush hush*, we get to see both!! How cool is that!

Im in love, im love, with PLANES!!

And to think that my flight test is on 15 August, next monday..

I hope i can pass that test. I wanna be a pilot.

Well, back to earth again. I saw drops of 'jupiter' early morning last night. Thx for the watch, missy. I love it really much. Hope we can meet each other someday. Im actually excited, the fact that im happy going out with a CHINESE (im a blardie racists btw muahaha), yg tak cebok dan tk tau mandi hadas (you never wanna noe, hahaha), but then again, she actually has dis, ehem, siti nurhaliza's smile. How wonderful is that. Hahha.

My mum's a pain in the ass now. I think its her time of the month i guess. Been like a battle field at home, imagine the scenario, arguments flared and voices blared over a stupid chocolate milk??? God.

I hv much to say, but i forgot all about them. And you noe wad, Isz anak Sazali tu call me Dr Love. Haha. Dat shows allot. Aloot of crap got lar.

My coms in still a bad shape. I hate it man. Nasib baik my bro's back from the army, and he took mc for two days. So at least got a friend to talk to at home.

My mum told me before she went berserk, that parents are our best friends. To me, thats a whole piece of bullshit.

Parents are parents. If they are called friends, where is the blardie respect for them? The bond is far much closer than any human being, that i must admit, but a friend??? You gotta be kidding me. What i learnt now, is that best friends never do exist. Even if they do, they are being bullshit themselves. In life, we can never fully put trust and love together on the same line. I got basted, not once, but twice. SO its enuf for me to make this conclusion. In life, the only person you can trust is God. Not even yourself. As a human being, we have our own flaws. SO why must we bear the pain over trust when it is ourselves to be blame. Moral of the story?

Best buddys are true friends who you cannot out trust to them, but no matter wad, they put up with it and make the best you out of it. Especially they make you smile.

Listen there, folks. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BEST FRIENDS. Close freinds are called best buddies, or good friends. Parents are parents. Brothers are brothers. But no such thing as best friends. Because, in the end, they will end it by saying, "Sometimes i just feel that the ways of which you help me is ineffective."

Period.

Never put your trust on the line. It will end up in your ass the next day.

Isn't it a frustrating thing when you voiced out your dreams to your mum and you receive soemthing like ,"Tak usah pikir2 jauh, nanti asik tukar2 impian aje," which probably makes you feel disheartened coz the fact that they are YOUR PARENTS and are SUPPOSED to MOTIVATE or ENCOURAGE you?

Long winding question? Let me make it simple.

ARE PARENTS PERFECT EARTHLINGS??

NOt quite true, at least well, for me.

Sometimes i love them, sometimes its the reverse, but no matter what, their flaws in making you happy still prevails. They know who you are or what you are or anything, but the thing is, knowing is nothing compared to the underlaying understanding of what a person feels.

Yes, they do know that whenever im hungry and tired i go 'as crazy as a fish running on dryland'. BUT the question is, do they make it better??

Not generalising here, but frankly speaking, i have parents who do love me but understanding me is the problem. Accepting me is ok. But understanding? Its as though they are TOLERATING with me, not understanding, which really makes the living monster in me go right out of my mouth and eats the living flesh out of people.

What im trying to say to parents out there, its not the ultraego or the status that matter. Is not just love. Or care. Its the understanding part that makes the jigsaw puzzle complete.

I do love them, but please, don't you go and ravish me with stupid ideologies of parents being the 'rightful, trustworthy and true' friend and then, expect me to give every secret from every nook and cranny of my lil brain lar. What's the point of tellijng if you scold first, or if not (sigh), go lecturing me about religious stuff. I NEED ANSWERS, not THINGS THAT I CAN READ FROM THE BOOK!!! And for all you know, im taking my diploma in Islamic Studies wad, so i can read every thing and KNOW it even if you want to let me know.

Sometimes i feel its so dumb. One minute you were passionate of starting a business promoting WAYANG KULIT, and the very next minute, wad i got in return was nothing but smirks or expressions of utter boredom or not-gonna-bother-with-your-crap face. WTH!?!?!

Dreams are meant to be propelled. Man had a dream to step foot on the moon. All they need was a rocket to propel them forwards.

Just like me. Is setting up a WAYANG KULIT company in the European arena an impossible feat??? That was my LIFE TIME dream, do you know that?!

Look at the stats. Im trying to promote malay theatre and fine arts in country's of well aesthetic development here. Wads wrong with that?! You mean, i cannot achieve that coz life itself is short and "all you can do is to tawakal let God decides"??! God decides our fate, but it is us to decide our destiny. Fate not = destiny you know. Fate is what that is been set, like my death, my birth, but destiny? It is the arah or the path where we persevere enough to reach our goals. God is All-Fair you know. He decides who goes to hell or heaven, but it is up to us to choose which or where to go. God neither puts you in hell bcoz of your sins nor puts you in heaven bcoz of your alms. But it is in His REDHA or RAHMAH dat puts you there. Even if you are an infiddle, if He sympathies you, or so, he can put you in heaven and we cannot argue at all. He is ultimately God.

My destiny is to live to the highest achievable peak. To conquer unmarred lands or oceans. That is mine, I choose what my path, God sets my path and guides me there, but ultimately, it is us to choose, fo God is All-Merciful and gives the best to all. And for me, i wanna be a Malay activist, to bring forth my great grandfather's living treasures to places of fine hall. To make people recognize that Malays are a civilization and are civilized, to have their own ethnics and ethics, to have their cultures and values, to have a place amongst many.

We need dreams. We live in dreams. Reality is there, where it is eternity. Here, we are just walking puppets with brains to think, but ultimately, God moves you.

Quote of the day:

To walk with Giants, you need to think like a giant, hear like them, talk like them, and for all you know it, even a miniscule mouse can climb mountains. IBN ZAWAWI

Need to update on my life. Yesterday was sweet, to my fellow excos, thank you, from my deepest hearts, you are what people call friends.

Tmr is the formal ceremony. I must muster strength so that i wun tear. Haha. Cannot wait for this tuesday. I'll soar with the fighters.

Latenights and band practices are driving me nuts. But overall, i have a fun time.

"POK POK POK, BUJANG LAPOK, ADA MANCIS TAK ADA ROKOK, JALAN JAUH TERSENGUK-SENGUK, POKET KOSONG HAI TELOK ABOK"

Renungkanlah kekata2 ini. Biar ia menjadi pedoman buat ramai.

Wsslm.

Im in love... WITH AEROPLANES!!!`

Im starting to wonder how the plane flies now..

Now going to opp clifford pier becomes not a habit, but a nessacity. Oh gosh, im actually in love with airplanes.

TO think that all the little people down on earth are at mercy of your power makes me like a man.

And my good fren Salahin even have the nice lil spot where he and our gang (YFC peeps) gather around and discuss bout airplanes. COOL!!

Not to mention the speed of those lil devils. A pinch of the afterburners can push them twice the speed of sound! how fast is that!?!

310m/s *2 = 620m/s!!

One second puts you 620m infront of others!

Hahaha.. Im going nuts!

GO SINGAPORE!! Well, it makes a simple conclusion to say that i'll be there for the finale during NAtional Day. To tell ya the truth, im not THAT patriotic towards our nation, but i just wanna watch the F-16 flypass, and the fireworks.

Got good plans ahead, anybody wanna join??

Now, all the weekends and hols will be filled with a session of mugging with the Bujang Lapoks. Me, Khairul and Salami (salihin ar, so that im able to differ him with Salahuddin haha). Kiter dah ader plan nak migrate ke QATAR or BAHRAIN to be MIDDLE EAST PILOTS.

I heard the UAE bought special F-16 fighters, the one with auto-wink lock. Cool. I wanna fly those.

Clock 4700hrs and be...

CPT MUHD HAZLAMI IBNU ZAWAWI

life goes on

im damn pissed.

Really, i do.

Dahlah balek asek lambat, balek slalu tkde makanan.

I'll tell u more later, got chem tut now.

PS: I love airplanes..! WossssssH!!

The past, present and future

Im mugging like i've never mug in my life. Im on fire.

God, and i can feel the tiredness already. Come on haz, jia you!

My stewpig bandmates just told me yesterday im invited to perform at the ACS hostel for sum youth carnival thing. And im supposed to memorise SWING SWING by the ALL AMERICAN REJECTS in 24 hours. Goodness.

I hate bout this shit. Everytime got performance, amek sambil lewa je. Last2 min baru kelam kabut. Siot.

Oh, about the study thing. Ryte.

Yesterday i had a heart to heart talk with mummy and daddy. Alot was said bout where i shud go after A level and wad im supposed to become in the next few years.

TO tell you the truth, i don't have much ambition, for i always adopt this prinsip of "Live today, die tomorrow" thing. Shessh.

Then i made a decision.

1) Biotechnology sounds cool, you get to research cool stuff.
2) If cannot, then Chemical Engineering. PErhaps to the Down Under shall i take this course, its better there, i get to explore.
3) If realli cannot, then Arts and Social Science.
4) If not, then Malay Language, then can take pHD then become ahli falsafah melayu, fuyoh. Then can open my own theatre company, a dream i share with my uncle Cik Joe Lazarie Rachmat (namer nak glamour, padahal setakat Zahari Buang, hampeh!)

Its either the UK or Australia im inclined to. Its so enriching to globalise and be Malay merchants. Once i got an engineering degree, i wanna work in DUBAI or BAHRAIN or QATAR where the wealth of all Arabia is. Then i can live happily ever after.

Sound utopic? Hahahahaha, kater org, no dream, jual karipap bawah block sua haha.

I wanna mug. Who wants to study wimme? I promise i wun talk too much haha. Like REAL!

Hasta prontos.

nothing interesting.

erm, just thinking.

erm.

Nvm.

Rahsia di hati tiada siapa yg tahu..

Moving on

Im cracking up.

Im feeling numb.

Those words hurt me like shit.

'Ineffective..'

I cudnt sleep, cudnt eat, and perhaps so, i now really wish im taken to the ambulance and into the hospital. I wud rather live the rest of my life there alone.

Wanna say thx you, you know who you are, for being there for me.

I want a solitude life. Let it be.

Oh, about last friday, i had a great time. Although it takes alot of shit to face your fear, i did it. And i had a fun time, full of laughter, thx to Aish and Nise.

GOtta jam a few more. We realli need to practice. 5 songs in a row? wth.

Anybody wanna watch a preview? Tell me ya.

Hasta prontos.

PS: I feel like shit. Help.

Qualities to be my charmed princess

Preety?

Charming?

Perhaps, BEAUTIFUL?

But..

If you are given a life time opportunity..

Wanna be my charm princess???

Look at the pic above ya.
Do YOU have the preety sweety bubblicious face like her?

Introduction. This gurl's name is Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson.
Born in 15 April 1990.

Lawa tak?? AKu tau dier lawa. Haha.

Dan guess wad? I still have the guts to say i like her still hohoho.

Dat xplains the pinky stuff and the msn nick hoho.
To tell you the truth, the song i put on my blog is actually affiliated to her.

WHY?? Cuz i was busily going thru the net during sec 2 and saw her in the net, and i WAS hearing to EVERGREEN. Brings back the good old nerdie days of mine.

Back to the question.

Do you wanna be like her??
I like...

1) Fair skin, kalo putih sangat tu berpenyakit muahaha.. Tapi kalau flawless tu power beb.
2) Rambut. Hair. Must be curly. If not curly, nevermind. GOt technology. haha. Oh ya, did i mention 'brown' hair? I like...
3) EYES. A big factor. Sparkling ones are the best. Take a gd look at emma. She has this superb shining eyes. Tk kesah besar atau kecik. Sepet? hmm.. boleh lar..
4) Lips. Must be natural. Pink is fine. Luscious is far better.
5) Smile. SWEEEEEEET smile are the best, always make my day!
6) Size. Not that im against fat ladies, but i dun like toooo thin or tooo thick. But kalau ade sikit besar dari aku lagi best. Makes me secure hohoho.
7) Eyebrows. NO CUKUR2 ARH. Natural is the best. Must go fine with the eyes.
8) Ears. Small is cute. Bleh gigit hoho.
9) Soft skin. Kalau pegang tangan dier bleh melt. Melts in the hand, not in the mouth.
10) Height. NO TALL GURLS PLS. Accept those lesser than 170cm. Lebih dari itu aku saran potong kaki hoho. Jahat.

All is listed. Get your forms now if you wanna be my charmed Princess.
Terms and conditions applied.

Prizes are, you get a loving person in return who would lavish you with all kinds of weird and not weird stuff. Stand a chance to get FREE poems all night long, and what's more. You stand to win a Lullaby Bird who can sing you songs to beautiful slumbers. Not to forget, you'll be loved beyond your wildest dreams.

So get your forms now! Limited time only.

=)

PS: Im going gogo gagas at the sight of this pic.

One word to describe last night.

MAGICAL.

Another word to add.

TIRING.

I love concerts.

Aku ade raser cam nk blaja lagi arh.

Babi basted nyer otak. Asl lar ko bongok sgt, CRV kan senang, sal lar ko asek teflip flop concept dier.

Tadi LRT betol nyer setan ah. Dahlah aku keluar umah ngah happy mood skali pi rosak plak. Nasib baik ade kemudahan seperti bus.

bus 3rd ader lar muahahaha.

Entah kenape niari aku cenggini. Mungkin pasal tk cukop tido lar ehk. Ape topik nak bebual ar?

Aku raser cam nk post sajak ar, tapi tkde masa lar ehk.

AKu cumer nak cakap aku SYG mak aku, dierlah matair aku seumur hidop muahaha(ni dah lain jeeerr). Tima kaceh atas sumbangan anda membekalkan aku roti sandwich muahaha.

Bapak aku pon lah. Malulah nk ckp aku syg bapak aku, tapi action speak better den words haha. Bapak aku ngah sakit beb. Mak aku pon, abeh aku camaner?? inilah mase2 yg aku tk faverut.

Takde lauk kalau lapar, takde disiplin untuk nak blaja psl mak sebok ngan kepala dier tk marah aku hoho.

Dah lamer tk bebual ngan abang aku. Entah camaner dier. (eh, lain kali jgn pakai namer aku kalo ko nk pon army. Mampuih aku kalo doghang tau aku ngah main CS sementare dorang ingat aku pat spital huhu)

Aku nk makan roti mak aku lah. Cao.

PS: Hey baby, thx for the chocolate!! I lurrrrvve it muahaha. Made my day, wheeeeee!!

PS1: AKu ni otak ngah senget sikit. Eh, tag lar bebende yg bleh didiskus, bengap lar gini.

PS2: AKu nk beli hahahahahahahaha. Tk klakar lah.

Multi-racialism among Singaporean Citizens? I dun think so..

We had a talk just now by this 'mama' (hahaha) speaker which i believe is very useful. The topic was the racial harmonic status of Singapore. As presumed, all the blabbering of the 'good old days' and such, and not to mention, the crude yet funny stereotypes on races puts the blues to my mind.

However, i must agree to his stand that, 'we need to recognizr symptoms, and the root of the problem.'

By recognizing and differentiating these differences, and not putting value to the so-called logical categorising syllagism, and not being self-checklists, then Singapore can assume to be achieved the harmonic status.

Its all bout the emphasization of different races, for example, the Chinese encouraged wealth and power, while Malays encourage family bonding and make kids. These stated values prove to be a tremendous difficulty to be an understand by the common people. However, with the right policies, and also the right education, not only from the government, but the parents as well, our generation can tell the difference between 'nasi goreng' and 'mee goreng' muahaha..

Oh bother.

Back to my life. Ms Sabariah gave me this card when i was claiming my MC, she wrote words like, 'never run away from your fears' and 'shrouded by dark clouds.'

Three words for her. I LOVE YOU!!

That's really sweet, makes me smile the WHOOOOLE day, hehehe.

Anyways, gotta say sumting.

To yours truly,

It was a theory, for heavens sake! It was discussed by my schoolmates, he was experiencing that kind of thing, and we just come together and created this theory.

I gave the logic senses, on HIS account. Not ours, seriously.

I still remember the time we met. Still missed that moment. And I UNDERSTAND, seriously.

I know it was a total flop, as aLOT and i mean ALOT of factors came rushing. The reason for the destruction?? We weren't strong enough. I didn't expect it to happen, really, and i just wanna say, i still can't put it behind me. And i wasn't experienced enough, it was my first time in love.

I understand how it feels like. And to tell you the truth, it still blardy hurting my brain. Im thinking to much. Its nobody's fault, how you say its her fault, but its not. Its my fault. I shudn't have asked her, or do wadever, i shud have trusted you. Im wronged. I was feeling totally insecure. I didnt know what happen, i was in the dark, i was frustrated, with school, with problems at home and not to include myself. I was in the dark, sha.

And i tell ya, its really scary to be alone. But now, i learnt that everybody will go down solitary path someday, be it in the grave or such sort. I was fighting a battle i knew i was losing. And i was depending on you too much, i expected too much.

Dun blame her sha, but blame me. Me. Its not her fault. Not that im siding her coz she is my best fren, but seriously, im the one to be blamed.

Forgive me.

I shall find my way soon. Pls forgive me. I wun expect any chances to be given to me again. I hope you forgive me.

Hasta pronto.

PS: i wanted to email you, but it seems my stopid sch com sux.=(

Half-Blood Prince on the loose..

I might consider myself to be the Half-Blood Prince, in a way, haha..

To those HARRY POTTER fans out there, im glad dis time the book isn't a flop, is G.R.E.A.T!!

I finished the book last night, Sunday, @11.30pm, in tears and emotionally distressed.

Why must HE die!!!???!!! Goodness, and to think that Harry left Ginny cuz he must take a path of solitudeness to do what he must, was a kind of thing i wud call NOBLE.
Worth a Gryffindor.. Wish i was in that kind of world..

"Love is magic.." so says Dumbledore, the only thing that differentiates Harry and Voldemort (ohhh, i shudder at that name.. Say it again?? Hahaha)

And WHY must my dear sweet HERMIONE BE WITH RON????? Goodness me.

Well, the ending was a really touchy one. Made me cry, and worst, made me dream of it over and over again. Speaking of which, i promised myself that no more dream telling to people, i guess its a kind of thing God wishes only me to know. Haish.

Speaking of which, again, I WAS THE NUMBER 2 IN THE LINE!!! That makes me the, uh, 2nd person in SINGAPORE TO GET HOLD OF it, muahaha!!

Never did any homework, or study, just me, the EVERGREEN-WESTLIFE song stuck in my brain, and the book. Nice..

I haven been in touch with a lot of people lately. Hmm, i wonder why.

My father said something bout me when i was busily reading, truly impervious to all sides of sorts. He said like, the word 'Hak' when i was erm, lets just imagine me as a fish out of the water, and sounding like a torn apart radio with a 'Hak'-king sound repeatedly. He says, according to his wise thinking, that i was saying 'God is the truth'. Which made me, according to him, a dead zombie at last mengakui keadaan Tuhan.

That scared me alot. With all the check-ups and more bad news, i pretty much need a good BIG hug. Yeah.

Speaking of which, i was thinking of someone when i was listening to the EVERGREEN song while reading the book. SHe suddenly appeared in my mind out of nowhere. That really hurt me alot. Seriously.

But i thot of a theory that seemed to xplain my cannot-get-you-outta-my-head situation.

THe fact that i gave my whole heart to her, and that caused me to lose all that was there, when she left with the other guy. The theory explains that when the space is empty, the person perhaps may feel empty, and to him or her, it is impossible to gain back what has lost. However, if it is shared by another being, in which the person is willing to give all that she cud to the person, then he would probably hear his heart beating again.

Total sincerity. Thats wad the person needs. Love= sincerity = friendship = trust = hope = true persistance = commitment = joy.

Only when there exists all those variables up there, then pure love is obtained.

And i believe, everybody has the chance to do it.

And as you know, im a person of forgiving and chance-giver. Whatever that is given, i take, and make the best out of it.

But somehow, i made a worst out of it. Lord, forgive me.

Still sad over the death of Harry's favourite teacher. But guess, its just meant to be. Perhaps, i find a common issue between me and Harry. He seemed to get all the luck he cud get, which probably xplains why im still here typing away. I hope somebody make me a prophecy, and like what Dumbledore says in the book, "It is you that makes the prophecy true."

The quote of the day?? "Never underestimate the ups and downs of love. Its natural. Who lnows? You get back to the person you love again."

And im willing to give it a chance, if the person is keen to do it too. If not, then i wud take the second option = to find someone who can give me her heart.

PS: I still miss you, no matter what. =)

Im in to reply to the person who tagged me, woah, panjang nk mati siot.

Nk ckp syarahan, bukan, tapi nevertheless, thx veri much man. It made me realise alot. Seriously. And im not angry or mad at you or anything. Seriously. I feel blessed that you tagged me. Thank you. I hope we can meet each other, talk things bout life and stuff liddat.

Frankly speaking, im lost. I admit it. But like you said, im young, and now, i have my father's words. He promised me, if there is still a breath in him, he will guide me to the path of siratullmustaqim.

I wanna quote something from the quran. Its the Fatehah verse.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

In the name of God, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan semesta alam.
Yang Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang.
Yang Menguasai hari pembalasan.
Hanyalah kepadamu kami menyembah, dan padamu kami mohon pertolongan.
Tunjukkanlah kami kejalan yang lurus.
Jalan org2 yang kau beri ni'mah.
Bukan jalan mereka yang kau murkai.
Dan bukan pula jalan mereka yang sesat.

Isk. Tears are in my eyes now. Not knowing that i have actually gone far from God.

And the incident that my mum describe it as 'near death' or 'sakaratul maut kecil' made me realise how much God loves me. Its as though he wants me to realise something.

Admit it man, i must say i haven had the courage to accept my ujian. my test. And to prove it, i shooted and had bad things in my mind yesterday. The sifat DENGKI, nafsu amarah tubbissuk in me overwhelms.

But now, and yesterday, after a heart-to-heart talk with daddy, i finally have the courage to lift my head up high.

He said, "Orang yg bersabar itulah yg Allah sayang. Kalau Tuhan nak naikkan darjat atau muliakan seseorang tu, Dia boleh jatuhkan, golek-golekkan dan byk lagi ke atas kita. Dalam ujian itulah engkau harus sabar. Ingat, LA' HAULAWALA KUUWATA I'LLA BILLA..

Inilah penyerahan yg sebenar-benarnya. Seolah2 kita tak ada daya untuk berbuat apa saja. Kau tengok doa keluar tandas, 'Allah yg mensucikan...' Kua tengok, kalau kiter pikir, malulah, yak usah ckp besar kita pandai. Tuhan sendiri sucikan kita lah. Istinjakkan kitalah.

Perjalanan sufi memang banyak cobaan. Tengok Rabiatul Adawiyah. Tengok Sheikh Abdul Kadir Al Jailani. Kesusahan mereka untuk mencari kebenaran, untuk mendekatkan diri kepada Allah.

Tuhan mencipta kita daripada sekecil zarah yg Zat Allah pinjamkan, dan dari zat itulah keluar perkataan KUN, keluarlah bumi, bintang, langit, angkasa. Betapa MAHA BESARNYA Dia.

Kita kene steady aje, kalau hadapi ujian. Minta kepada Allah, kerana setiap kesusahan ada kesenanganNya."

Dats wad he said. In surah Al-Insyirah ada diungkapkan, 'Innama'al us'ri yusra". Setiap kesusahan ada kesenangan. Dan inilah janji Tuhan.

Akanku lalui perjalanan ini sekali lagi dengan hati yg tabah. Harap pintaan maaf kepada mereka yg ku telah berbuat dosa.

Tetapi satu je yg aku tak agree ngan tagger tu. I DO think about others, even if not always, but most of my CLOSEST frens will noe that.

Never judge a person by his blog.. for sometimes, the thing that he says never comes from his heart, but rather in a place call NAFSU or AKAL.

Till then, hasta pronto.

apologies...

sincere apologies to all whom i have offended.

Whatever

Sometimes i wonder, whether dreams, goals, visions, are something for us.

Sometimes i wonder, whether dreams do come true, and most people might say, that if you wanna achieve your dreams, you have to work hard to get it.

Did I work hard? You betcha.

After all the long hours they finally put me out of the drama.

Nevermind. If it's because of MY condition, then i shud say, well, my passion for theatre still burns.

I'll prove to all the buggers that despite of MY condition, aku tetap mampu berlakon.

Not in matinee dramas, but big BANGSAWAN and DRAMA PURBA plays. Perhaps even with IKAMATRA, or even with the big boys or my uncle, who apparently is one of the bangsawans in Singapore.

Its alright, im ok, i think GOD can explain..

Well, so i've heard loads of rumours bout me in school after my long absentism.
..
..
...
....
Oh well, lets just say its a NICE comment. Not to mention the kind of 'weak' attempts they make to make me confess how 'hard' its like to have this 'weak heart'.

Ok, i tell.

SO WHAT if i have a sick heart.
SO WHAT if im sick.

SO WHAT?

What? Why must i go thru dis shit again? Arent they convinced that im still capable enuf to run 2.4km? That i passed my NAPFA test, and yet, i do not need to go for an extra month at BMT?
That im capable enuf to stand on my on two FREAKIN feet, work to support myself and my family, yet still study in school?

Have i not mention that im sick? Yes, i just did that.

So WHAT?

This is ridiculous. So now you're telling me, that dreams cannot come true if a person isnt CAPABLE enuf?

Now im realli sad. Definitely. Not just disappointed, but heartbroken as well.

I made a wrong decision in life. Remember dis now.

Never expect people to accept you for WHO you are. They'll eventually chuck you out of their lives.

Oh forget it. Ya Tuhan.

Oh, i just talk to ANOTHER person. She apparently mentioned that aku fall sick in every major event. Haha.

In spite of recent events, I wun be myself anymore. No more smiling. No more laughing. Just crude lil sad missipo me.

PS: I hope u're alright sofia. Somehow, i feel i share the same kind of treatment with you. No more panadols for you ya. (for ur info, sofia is a fren i met in the HOSPITAL, she ate 8 panadols str8)

And thx, nad and gang, mum and dad, and most big hug to ABANG and LIL BROTHERS for making me happy thruout all my 17 years in this cruel world.

Do i sound pathetic? i think so. But i DON'T NEED your SYMPATHY.

Blargh.. =(

Sometimes, you can't make it, on your own.. (U2) oh, i need a hug.

Am i a scientist?

Or so he claims.

If you would see properly, haz is writing in english.

Kiaho??

Dunno why.

Im blogging from school. darn computer. my internet service ader disruption sikit, so cam siak ah tak dapat download lagu ngan bebarang dari IVLE skola.

School is fun, gradually.

Much must be said today. Cuz i've been doing alot of thinking dis past few days.

Soalan cepu emas yg pertama:

Adakah diriku ini dipergunakan oleh orang?

Soalan cepu emas yg kedua:

Kemana arah harus ku tuju?

Soalan cepu emas yg ketiga?

Kemana perginya diriku yg sebenar?

Tiap2 hari Ahad ngan Jumaat aku pegi majlis2 maulid ngan tahlil ngan yaasin dan sebagainya, namun, hati ini masih mencari2 persoalan2 ini.

Atok sebelah datok aku baru meninggal, cerita dier panjang tapi bleh buat org emo. Aku raser, kematian itu berpada2 dan harus ku letak di dalam setiap nadi.

Cintaku kepada Tuhan dan Muhammad semangkin pudar.. Mengapa?

Adakah aku kekurangan berzikir, bertahmid, bertahlil, berselawat atau ngaji?

Adakah aku ini anakyg durhaka terhadap ibu bapanya?

Kerana ku dapat rasa keakhiran ku tiba, dan ku tidak rasa selesa seperti dahulu.

Setiap mata pelajaran yg ku telaah tidak dapat dicerna dengan baik.

Setiap pergerakan ku dipenuhi dengan kecelaan, ketidakpuasan dan rasa gelisah dan sedih.

Mengapa ya Tuhan..?

Dahulu jika aku bersendirian aku rasa lega kerna dapat bersamaMu, sekarang aku selalu rasa tidak puas, seolah2 ingin bersama teman kerabat, atau kekasih pujangga idaman..

Dahulu, jika ku dapat markah yg rendah untuk mata pelajaran, perasaan marah meluap2, skrg, cm relaaaaak je..

Haish. Kebahgiaan tidak sempat ku kecapi. Sebelum mengakhir kalam ini.
Kalau diikutkan hati, aku nak gi luar negeri, jauh dari kaum kerabat dan keluarga mencari sesuatu yg indah.

Oh ya, aku ada sesuatu untuk disampaikan kepada seseorang.

Saudara,

Soalan pertama adalah untuk dikau menjawab bagi pihak aku bila Tuhan Rabbul Allamin tanya di akhirat kelak. Jawablah. Kerna hati ini masih tidak puas.

Soalan kedua adalah untuk diriku sendiri, dan ku dapat rasakan jawapannya sudah ku lihat, cuma belum difahami.

Soalan terkahir terletak kepada semua. Jika anda tahu, sila beritahu saya ya?
Kerna aku perlu persoaln2 ini dijawab.



I need a hug... caaaan?

Baby, if u're reading to dis, not dat im being racist to ya for writing in malay, nxt tyme i learn chinese i write in HANYU PIYIN ya?? haha.. Thx for the gift, i really lurve it very much, makes me smile and jump jump jump!

Give me some time, give us some time, all i ask from u baby, is to be patient, for i must find myself and give u the haz that u need. Saying the three words to ppl is a tough job to me, for i was once fooled by it, and it hurt me bad, real bad. Perhaps its not the tym yet. My **** is with god, prophet muhammad, my family and frens. For you... wait for me ya... miss ya..

Yours truly
Your lil monkey