Bad news, im not going to NUS after all.
Wel I guess it was not meant to be. I have a plan dat would still bring me back from the dead.
Hope it works, and hope God gives me the blessing.
I swear it on my family's good name that I'll study hard and make them proud, get a scholarship so I wun burden them with the bills. Thou the journey is far, but I guess the passion to succeed in life will never die.
Like the snail which got itself squashed.
It got itself killed, yes.
But there will be many more snails that'll cross the road. And we will not stop until we reach the far bank.
A honours in business, couple with good awards and fine portfolio shud do the trick.
Life as a traveller, dats my destiny.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
I typed my name in googles. And guess what?
There is so many people out there who link me up but I didn't know half of them.
Or maybe I knew. Know. Could have known.
Well, it was nice reading old posts dated way back till 2006, people blogging about me. I came across a particular abandoned blog, think it was nisa. Something about what I say to her during those days. Now I understand..
See? People don't dare to speak what they feel, and even so, they hide it. So what's the point of blogging anyways?
Write it on paper. Really. Online stuff are meant for sharing, not for privacy. Unless you put a password on it, but still, *arms stretching* it would be easy to hack in.
Thank you people, forgotten ones, I would remember you people from now on.
And im still pissed. And im not gonna say it here. I'll put it in my small black diary.
"When you're a fire, I became the water. But when I was the fire, you became a fire too. Now where's the water?"
Looks like I gotta take my ablutions frequently, get more splashes of water on my already boiling head.
There is so many people out there who link me up but I didn't know half of them.
Or maybe I knew. Know. Could have known.
Well, it was nice reading old posts dated way back till 2006, people blogging about me. I came across a particular abandoned blog, think it was nisa. Something about what I say to her during those days. Now I understand..
See? People don't dare to speak what they feel, and even so, they hide it. So what's the point of blogging anyways?
Write it on paper. Really. Online stuff are meant for sharing, not for privacy. Unless you put a password on it, but still, *arms stretching* it would be easy to hack in.
Thank you people, forgotten ones, I would remember you people from now on.
And im still pissed. And im not gonna say it here. I'll put it in my small black diary.
"When you're a fire, I became the water. But when I was the fire, you became a fire too. Now where's the water?"
Looks like I gotta take my ablutions frequently, get more splashes of water on my already boiling head.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
"If one does not attach himself to people and desire, never shall his heart be broken. But then, does he ever truly live?" -Forbidden Kingdom
I watch this movie on Sunday. And as I made my way back home from teaching tuition, thinking about that quote, I came across a horrifying scene. A dead snail the size of a human palm sprawled silently on the steps in a mess of sorts- gore liquid and cracked shells.
I wonder what makes the snail deserve such tragedy. Is it cuz he is stupid enuf to try crossing the steps but fail to recognize the high chances of it getting step by some ignorant human? Or is it goes to show that when you try to reach something that is far, you have a high chance of getting yourself 'killed'- meaning that your passion dies off just like THAT!
Woa.. Strange..
So I was terribly disturbed by it, and with the quote hanging loose in my head, I was swimming in the dumps.
So I took a rest at the bench below my block and had a deep thought about it.
The question is, "..does he ever truly live?"
Desires are elements by nature. The desire to eat, to sleep. Its a way in which the brain reaches to the body to get the necessary elements to make it 'alive'.
And it is a norm to have such earthly attachments to earthly desires.
But the desire to have dreams, does a person 'live' if he unhatched himself from having goals and aspirations?
But what if he tries hard but in the process, he fails, and there ends the aspirations and dreams?
Does it kill you inside?
Still pondering.
With work and shit, it'll be much harder for me to think. Now.
Hate work. :D
I watch this movie on Sunday. And as I made my way back home from teaching tuition, thinking about that quote, I came across a horrifying scene. A dead snail the size of a human palm sprawled silently on the steps in a mess of sorts- gore liquid and cracked shells.
I wonder what makes the snail deserve such tragedy. Is it cuz he is stupid enuf to try crossing the steps but fail to recognize the high chances of it getting step by some ignorant human? Or is it goes to show that when you try to reach something that is far, you have a high chance of getting yourself 'killed'- meaning that your passion dies off just like THAT!
Woa.. Strange..
So I was terribly disturbed by it, and with the quote hanging loose in my head, I was swimming in the dumps.
So I took a rest at the bench below my block and had a deep thought about it.
The question is, "..does he ever truly live?"
Desires are elements by nature. The desire to eat, to sleep. Its a way in which the brain reaches to the body to get the necessary elements to make it 'alive'.
And it is a norm to have such earthly attachments to earthly desires.
But the desire to have dreams, does a person 'live' if he unhatched himself from having goals and aspirations?
But what if he tries hard but in the process, he fails, and there ends the aspirations and dreams?
Does it kill you inside?
Still pondering.
With work and shit, it'll be much harder for me to think. Now.
Hate work. :D
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Blast it!!
Yesterday was lovely. Really. And when I saw her putting her head on my shoulders in the glass reflection in the MRT, I was thinking dat perhaps the ending part wud be a very nice treat. Actually, its more ASSUMING rather den hoping- everything was flawless.
The fact that it was unplanned. That I saw Shasha at work where again, I assumed she wasn't working on Saturdays and not at level 3 either. She too was shocked- it took her exactly 8 secs for her to put her eyes away from mine. Maybe perhaps shocked at my hair - I cut my hair short see, and she never did saw the hazlami-short-hair-guy before haha.
It was a simple spike layered hair, kinda lyk my AJC-inspired chinese boys hairstyle. Still influenced by those days, I manage to fork out 10 bux to finally get my hair trim after breaking the alma-promise of not cutting my hair till Sept 25.
The good thing is I could concentrate on my work, apart from the occasional trips to the photocopier and then I took the chance to see her but no luck- her back is facing me, and she's like 12 metres away.
She did smiled at me before she left quietly. I was disappointed not to at least walk with her to the lift. Im trying my very best to keep up with girls-they are soo detailed. Open the door oso happy. Haha. Sheesh.
As I walked out the building with my peeps, I ranted a series of cosmos that was well received by Samir, and so, he called her to ask if she wud join us. From here we can infer that:
1) I didn't have the balls to call her or msg her myself
2) Im being a jerk by asking another guy friend to call her up
3) She went back from dhoby ghaut all the way to novena again just to join us eating KFC, which further amplifies my jerk-affied persona
But the least I could do is to draw her a chair.
The moment of magic came when we were walking at Paragorn to cross the road. Her hand slip to mine, and so we held hands.
Having the sweaty palms, I was nervous knowing that the pores in my palms would freak out and vomit a river nile. Amazingly, it was comforting. :)
And the best part? She animatedly said," eh dah pimpin tangan? *smile*"
She sat at macs waiting patiently, accompanying me. So in turn, I offered to sent her home.
She sacrificed her aftn, so I think it was the best of me to offer that deal. But the journey to Punggol is none I could imagine. It was painstakingly tiring.
And I assumed that it would be like, I reach Punggol, I grab her hand, look into her eyes and say 'take care' with a smile.
Wrong.
Samir offered me to pray at his house. Looking at my watch, I agreed without thinking twice. Then Samir, being a true joker but honestly entertaining and true, he blarted out something like, "eh shasha why never offer Haz to pray at your house?"
Shasha replied," Maner bleh nak mati ke? My dad at home tau."
Then dat was it, I felt something is about to unfold. You know, like you have a spider sense and you know exactly what is about to happen.
He replied,"How could your dad prevent a fellow muslim to make his religious obligations?"
I laughed as usual, thinking its just a joke, but Samir carried on, jokingly saying about fearing her dad would be struck by lightning or something.
As a guy, I was ok with it, cuz its just a joke, and im still gonna pray at Samir's house after all.
Hell, she just break off in front.
I was puzzled. Tried to pujuk her but to no avail.
She gave me a weak smile, more like a smirk, and left.
I msged, I called, but no answer.
Until today. And im still waiting.
I don't want to put the blame on anyone, im not that kind of person. But im sure glad to receive or come up with solutions.
I apologised so many times, but still no answer.
How???? Its driving me mad, I didn't sleep well, kept feeling guilty.
And I was just about to be swept off my feet. And carried away on a love bubble.
Haish. :(
If only she would pick up the phone.....
PS: this song is for you. *The Reason-Hoobastank*
The fact that it was unplanned. That I saw Shasha at work where again, I assumed she wasn't working on Saturdays and not at level 3 either. She too was shocked- it took her exactly 8 secs for her to put her eyes away from mine. Maybe perhaps shocked at my hair - I cut my hair short see, and she never did saw the hazlami-short-hair-guy before haha.
It was a simple spike layered hair, kinda lyk my AJC-inspired chinese boys hairstyle. Still influenced by those days, I manage to fork out 10 bux to finally get my hair trim after breaking the alma-promise of not cutting my hair till Sept 25.
The good thing is I could concentrate on my work, apart from the occasional trips to the photocopier and then I took the chance to see her but no luck- her back is facing me, and she's like 12 metres away.
She did smiled at me before she left quietly. I was disappointed not to at least walk with her to the lift. Im trying my very best to keep up with girls-they are soo detailed. Open the door oso happy. Haha. Sheesh.
As I walked out the building with my peeps, I ranted a series of cosmos that was well received by Samir, and so, he called her to ask if she wud join us. From here we can infer that:
1) I didn't have the balls to call her or msg her myself
2) Im being a jerk by asking another guy friend to call her up
3) She went back from dhoby ghaut all the way to novena again just to join us eating KFC, which further amplifies my jerk-affied persona
But the least I could do is to draw her a chair.
The moment of magic came when we were walking at Paragorn to cross the road. Her hand slip to mine, and so we held hands.
Having the sweaty palms, I was nervous knowing that the pores in my palms would freak out and vomit a river nile. Amazingly, it was comforting. :)
And the best part? She animatedly said," eh dah pimpin tangan? *smile*"
She sat at macs waiting patiently, accompanying me. So in turn, I offered to sent her home.
She sacrificed her aftn, so I think it was the best of me to offer that deal. But the journey to Punggol is none I could imagine. It was painstakingly tiring.
And I assumed that it would be like, I reach Punggol, I grab her hand, look into her eyes and say 'take care' with a smile.
Wrong.
Samir offered me to pray at his house. Looking at my watch, I agreed without thinking twice. Then Samir, being a true joker but honestly entertaining and true, he blarted out something like, "eh shasha why never offer Haz to pray at your house?"
Shasha replied," Maner bleh nak mati ke? My dad at home tau."
Then dat was it, I felt something is about to unfold. You know, like you have a spider sense and you know exactly what is about to happen.
He replied,"How could your dad prevent a fellow muslim to make his religious obligations?"
I laughed as usual, thinking its just a joke, but Samir carried on, jokingly saying about fearing her dad would be struck by lightning or something.
As a guy, I was ok with it, cuz its just a joke, and im still gonna pray at Samir's house after all.
Hell, she just break off in front.
I was puzzled. Tried to pujuk her but to no avail.
She gave me a weak smile, more like a smirk, and left.
I msged, I called, but no answer.
Until today. And im still waiting.
I don't want to put the blame on anyone, im not that kind of person. But im sure glad to receive or come up with solutions.
I apologised so many times, but still no answer.
How???? Its driving me mad, I didn't sleep well, kept feeling guilty.
And I was just about to be swept off my feet. And carried away on a love bubble.
Haish. :(
If only she would pick up the phone.....
PS: this song is for you. *The Reason-Hoobastank*
Monday, May 19, 2008
Humans and their endless issues.
No wonder we were born to destroy.
I think we humans are broken up into a three-way basic line.
1) Conservative
2) Progressive
3) Unsure
Progressive people believes in destiny, pragmatism, and lives in a culture of competition, and as a result lacks the human spirit. Politics, power and corruption leaks, and thou the 'fish tank' looks beautiful with corals, and fishes and many mini landscape features, yet the real fishes are dead while plastic ones keep afloat, smiling back at the small children telling their mummy, "Look mum, the fish is gorgeous! Can I have one?"
Conservative people loves nature. They embrace the beauty of God, the human spirit, brotherhood, and integrity. The moral fabrication of the society is integrated, with love and religion, to bring balance in the world. Yet among the preached, they lie, and the use of rules and regulations hampered the foundation of liberation, focusing on the total absolutes, consequences etc. These people are very result-orientated, and in times of crisis, they see it as a window of opportunity to take advantage of the situation. They believe that humans too need control- the animated world they live in are monstrous and so vanity of thyself is far better than taking the stride and march forward.
The unsure society takes the two bunch, slap them up like a beef patty, and eat them. Liberalism and revolution is joyous, yet preserving the human spirit is necessary too. They keep themselves alive by believing in their heart, and be sure that the pipeline of information passed down from the heart goes through the brain for processing and filtering. Just in case. For no doubt, they are unsure. Very unsure.
And so you'd see the beauty of God. How He balances the population, and keep the system in check, whilst letting it grow and mature with His Knowledge. I must say, that without these three basic lines, the world would perish.
Actually, I take that word back. All destruction is certain of course. The fountain of youth is never a fact, its a myth. But deep inside, it lies in us.
When I see the trees, it whispers. When I hear the wind, it whistles. The language they are speaking is foreign and very few are masters of such fine ancient art. However, I think the discovery of such exquisite lies in our hearts. Think deep enough, close your eyes and feel the wind. And sure enough, it'll speak in your heart.
And I heard it when I was sitting outside level 5 IRAS, looking away to the sky. I hear the absolute. It was as though God was speaking to me.
The sudden realisation of how the system of universe work, from a single point of absolute power, to a whole dimension of hell and heaven, earth and sky, stars and galaxies. Venture through the darkness at night, and wonder yourself, how small are you, against the crushing sky that bears no pain when it comes tumbling down one day. So why do we humans keep telling ourselves that we are better? Is it because of competition? Survival instinct? Dog-eat-dog theory?
Well, what can I say, in every soul, lies hell and heaven, good deeds and bad deeds, emotions and knowledge, and all of this, come from that one single point that created the Big Bang. And from where did the energy come from?
Allah the Almighty.
A lyric written by a sufi-learner, also widely known by many, as Mahaguru Musik, M. Nasir.
Dalam aku
Ada dia
Dan dalam dia
Ada kita ada semua
Enjoy the song.
PS: Im having a hard time catching up with life, with so many things going on, and Im always busy with work, and by the time I look at the watch, I see something.
A countdown to my waking. Its like, looking at a cup and say, its half-empty, but i'd say, it's half-filled.
How lovely.
Ribut datang memperkosa
Sesak nyawa dalam jiwa
Bila roti kering
Jalan pulang
Yang kau fikirkan
Habis dilarikan
Habis dilarikan mergastua
Dalam kecewa
Dihimpit rasa
Lapar dan dahaga
Sajian susu ikan merah
Suara pengalaman
Mendamaikan
Tanji gelora yang sempat singgah
Kau hilang pertimbangan untuk pastikan
Apakah kau sedar atau dilamun khayalan
Dalam hutan
Ada taman
Dan dalam taman
Ada puterinya
Dalam baju
Ada cinta
Dan dalam cinta
Ada segala-galanya
Dalam awan
Ada hujan
Dan dalam hujan
Ada lautan
Dalam aku
Ada dia
Dan dalam dia
Ada kita ada semua
I would love to sit and listen to you talking and smiling, while I silently sip my coffee, looking into your eyes and imagine the world in it. :)
Oh wait, my good friend Samir did mention something.
"Kalau kau ada 2 choice, the first, pompuan pakai Tudong hot giler muka lawa macam Si Jolie tapi tak bleh pegang, dgn 2nd, pompuan hot giler tk pakai tudong bleh pegang tapi muke scrap macam sampah pat Jurong Island. Mana kau nak?"
My ans: I'd rather stay a bachelor. :D
No wonder we were born to destroy.
I think we humans are broken up into a three-way basic line.
1) Conservative
2) Progressive
3) Unsure
Progressive people believes in destiny, pragmatism, and lives in a culture of competition, and as a result lacks the human spirit. Politics, power and corruption leaks, and thou the 'fish tank' looks beautiful with corals, and fishes and many mini landscape features, yet the real fishes are dead while plastic ones keep afloat, smiling back at the small children telling their mummy, "Look mum, the fish is gorgeous! Can I have one?"
Conservative people loves nature. They embrace the beauty of God, the human spirit, brotherhood, and integrity. The moral fabrication of the society is integrated, with love and religion, to bring balance in the world. Yet among the preached, they lie, and the use of rules and regulations hampered the foundation of liberation, focusing on the total absolutes, consequences etc. These people are very result-orientated, and in times of crisis, they see it as a window of opportunity to take advantage of the situation. They believe that humans too need control- the animated world they live in are monstrous and so vanity of thyself is far better than taking the stride and march forward.
The unsure society takes the two bunch, slap them up like a beef patty, and eat them. Liberalism and revolution is joyous, yet preserving the human spirit is necessary too. They keep themselves alive by believing in their heart, and be sure that the pipeline of information passed down from the heart goes through the brain for processing and filtering. Just in case. For no doubt, they are unsure. Very unsure.
And so you'd see the beauty of God. How He balances the population, and keep the system in check, whilst letting it grow and mature with His Knowledge. I must say, that without these three basic lines, the world would perish.
Actually, I take that word back. All destruction is certain of course. The fountain of youth is never a fact, its a myth. But deep inside, it lies in us.
When I see the trees, it whispers. When I hear the wind, it whistles. The language they are speaking is foreign and very few are masters of such fine ancient art. However, I think the discovery of such exquisite lies in our hearts. Think deep enough, close your eyes and feel the wind. And sure enough, it'll speak in your heart.
And I heard it when I was sitting outside level 5 IRAS, looking away to the sky. I hear the absolute. It was as though God was speaking to me.
The sudden realisation of how the system of universe work, from a single point of absolute power, to a whole dimension of hell and heaven, earth and sky, stars and galaxies. Venture through the darkness at night, and wonder yourself, how small are you, against the crushing sky that bears no pain when it comes tumbling down one day. So why do we humans keep telling ourselves that we are better? Is it because of competition? Survival instinct? Dog-eat-dog theory?
Well, what can I say, in every soul, lies hell and heaven, good deeds and bad deeds, emotions and knowledge, and all of this, come from that one single point that created the Big Bang. And from where did the energy come from?
Allah the Almighty.
A lyric written by a sufi-learner, also widely known by many, as Mahaguru Musik, M. Nasir.
Dalam aku
Ada dia
Dan dalam dia
Ada kita ada semua
Enjoy the song.
PS: Im having a hard time catching up with life, with so many things going on, and Im always busy with work, and by the time I look at the watch, I see something.
A countdown to my waking. Its like, looking at a cup and say, its half-empty, but i'd say, it's half-filled.
How lovely.
Ribut datang memperkosa
Sesak nyawa dalam jiwa
Bila roti kering
Jalan pulang
Yang kau fikirkan
Habis dilarikan
Habis dilarikan mergastua
Dalam kecewa
Dihimpit rasa
Lapar dan dahaga
Sajian susu ikan merah
Suara pengalaman
Mendamaikan
Tanji gelora yang sempat singgah
Kau hilang pertimbangan untuk pastikan
Apakah kau sedar atau dilamun khayalan
Dalam hutan
Ada taman
Dan dalam taman
Ada puterinya
Dalam baju
Ada cinta
Dan dalam cinta
Ada segala-galanya
Dalam awan
Ada hujan
Dan dalam hujan
Ada lautan
Dalam aku
Ada dia
Dan dalam dia
Ada kita ada semua
I would love to sit and listen to you talking and smiling, while I silently sip my coffee, looking into your eyes and imagine the world in it. :)
Oh wait, my good friend Samir did mention something.
"Kalau kau ada 2 choice, the first, pompuan pakai Tudong hot giler muka lawa macam Si Jolie tapi tak bleh pegang, dgn 2nd, pompuan hot giler tk pakai tudong bleh pegang tapi muke scrap macam sampah pat Jurong Island. Mana kau nak?"
My ans: I'd rather stay a bachelor. :D
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Saturday, October 13, 2008. An excerpt taken by my old post.
Abang sayang.. Im sorry i cant celebrate Eid with you in Singapore.. I feel so alone here without you.. Im trying to be okae.. Im just so full of emotions now.. I miss you and love you sayang.. I know that you have done so much for me.. Praying in the middle of the night and reading the quran for me.. I love you so much sayang.. Though you can choose to live a life of your own, being with someone else who could be with you physically and yet we have stood strong for 7 months and insyallah more to come.. I cant express what im feeling for you.. If not for you abang, i think i wont be here anymore.. You gave me the strength and the will to carry on with life.. You have made my life complete.. God bless our love.. Abang, ampunkan ayang jikalau ada kesalahan andainya ayang tersinggung perasaan abang.. Sayang, send my regards to ur parents whom i haf regarded as my own, not forgetting abang hasanul, najiy and nasrun.. I love you and all..
I am saddened by this. Its her post. The last relics of a person so in love with me. And all I could do is look at it.
Abang sayang.. Im sorry i cant celebrate Eid with you in Singapore.. I feel so alone here without you.. Im trying to be okae.. Im just so full of emotions now.. I miss you and love you sayang.. I know that you have done so much for me.. Praying in the middle of the night and reading the quran for me.. I love you so much sayang.. Though you can choose to live a life of your own, being with someone else who could be with you physically and yet we have stood strong for 7 months and insyallah more to come.. I cant express what im feeling for you.. If not for you abang, i think i wont be here anymore.. You gave me the strength and the will to carry on with life.. You have made my life complete.. God bless our love.. Abang, ampunkan ayang jikalau ada kesalahan andainya ayang tersinggung perasaan abang.. Sayang, send my regards to ur parents whom i haf regarded as my own, not forgetting abang hasanul, najiy and nasrun.. I love you and all..
I am saddened by this. Its her post. The last relics of a person so in love with me. And all I could do is look at it.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Went to visit an old friend sleeping in Pusara Abadi today.
I dun wish to comment what happen, but i guess like what ppl would say, without sincerity the things that we plan would not work out.
And what pissed me the most is when I saw a broken piece of Spiderman 3 dvd on his sleeping bed. He couldn't have like, wake up and play it on DVD ryt?! Kurafat habes, must be the non-muslim friends of the Isz.. He is a muslim, do respect his religion. Prayers is all he needs now.
It was a tough walk. He sleeps deep inside Pusara Abadi. We took a cab there, and had to seek empathy from others so that we could hitch hike out.
It was nice to see the old gang back, thou its a small group, but I have always been low profile. Syafiq in SOC, and Salihin working. In these times you really feel the brotherhood, and the appreciation of the friendship we shared for so many years.
I have always been the sensitive one. Thou I wun show it, but I'd just keep it all to myself. I was on my way to Boon Lay to meet them today, and in the bus I accidentally played Dian's music pieces. I was about to change them when I felt this sudden emptiness in me, and so I continued listening.
I still haven face the fact that Dian is gone. Isz is already sleeping. But Dian? I didn't even have the money to go and see her sleeping haven.
She must have been so beautiful when she sleeps. :(
Isz told me something before. He said once, that many didn't like him, and he asked me if I know why. I told him, that it doesn't matter, coz ryt now you do have friends who cares about you, thou its a small no, but still they do. And its ok if they talk bad about you or hate you. They will get what they deserve.
When he passed on, many came to see, some cried, some kept their silence, others having the empty face that showed nothing but guilt. The guilt when you talk bad about others. And now he is asleep, he wun be waking up, so im nt sure if he did forgave them.
He would have forgiven them, I know him. Kind at heart, childish in many ways. He loves spiderman, just like me. Always thought of how good Spiderman is, the fact that Peter Parker is already in a tight situation, and yet sacrificing himself and serving the public without hesitation. Cool guy.
"With great power comes great responsibility"
I only see great power comes great corruption, but still there are few individuals out there just like me who yearns to be heroes. Everybody needs a hero. Everybody can be a hero. Its the matter of how strong the feeling is, when you see a poor blind man selling tissue down the street. The ability to put yourself in people's shoes.
And so Im facing my demons. I shall play it on my blog, the beautiful pieces from Dian Farzanna, a true friend who loves me so much, till she die protecting that love.
I'll never ever forgive myself.
The guilt of not standing up for my loved ones when people are talking rubbish about them. How people criticize and talk bad about how Isz Sazli speaks in front of me, and I did nothing. Nothing, to protect.
I have failed.
And I shall never forgive myself.
I will be a great person one day. I will keep my dreams alive. I was born to help people. I must. And for all that is worth, I shall see people smiling and laughing and holding my hand shouting grace and happiness in appreciation of the small contribution I give that lifts up their spirits.
And I will do so, with Dian, and Isz in my heart. I know they are watching, smiling at me. I do so, for God, to help His creation, and salvage myself from this guilt that would stay on till I sleep too.
Everybody will sleep one day. Faiza ones told me that a wise clever person is a person who thinks about death. Chinese people would say, "choi!" (is that how you spell it?)
Life is more like a journey. Like we are all sailing, and we see an Island, and the ship harbors at the island. As we step foot onto the island, we realise the beauty of the island, with so many beautiful mangoes, apples, animals to eat, and many more. Some restock their supply. Others already plan to stay on the island enjoying the beauty of life there. Some take sufficient supply, and quickly board the ship to get good captain guest seats.
But then you hear the sound of trumpets and whistles indicating the ship will leave soon. Some hastened, picked up so many supplies, until they eventually have to sit at the back of the ship, having to contend with a 3rd class seat. Some would still stay, ignoring the ship, indulging the delights of the island could offer. Some stumble. Some waited until the next ship arrives.
Im still on the island. They left without me.
:(
PS: by the way, I did enjoyed myself dancing last night, esp the part where it was freelance, I danced with the mask on, and it was wonderful. The mask is my life. It hides the pain, well, to an extent that is.
Abang letak lagu dian di blog abang ok? Kita sebarkan cerita perjuangan kita pada orang, terserah mereka mahu percaya atau tidak. Yang penting, dian tetap dalam hati abang, sememangnya itulah lumrah. Abang tak akan hapuskan segala apa yang kita alami bersama, kerna abang rasa dianlah wanita yang terbaik untuk abang, selalu sabar menghadapi kesakitan sehingga dian meninggalkan mereka yang sangat menyayangi dian. Abang sentiasa menangis kalau teringat akan dian, bercucuran air mata abang menulis warkah ini. Namun abang tahu dian mendengar segalanya, kerna dian sekarang ada disisi Allah Azzawajala. Abang sedih keseorangan tanpa dian. Tiada yang menemani abang semasa abang pulang ke rumah. Tiada yg menemani abang semasa abang ingin lelap lena. Tiada lagi semua, hanya kesedihan yg dialami pabila abang mengingatkan kembali ketawa manis dan senyuman manja dian, dan juga pahitnya dian mengerang sakit, "Bie, sakit bie.. sakit.." Pahit rasanya mendengar dian mengerang sakit, abang tahan tangis agar abang menjadi orang yg tabah untuk dian dibelai. Hanya Allah saja yang tahu betapa sayangnya dan cinta abang pada dian, kamulah seorang insan yang selalu mendengar rintihan abang, walaupun sekecil2nya. Abang ingat lagi, semasa abang berduka, dian belikan abang macs breakfast, hotcakes with sausage meal, and ice milo, makanan paling digemari abang. Namun semuanya hanya menjadi memori. Tak akan terganti setiap kenangan yang telah terukir, yang terendap indah dan melekat di hati. Dian, abang akan sentiasa doakan agar kuburmu diluaskan dan ada cahya Nur agar ia tidak gelap disana. Dan kamu di golongkan dalam para syuhada berjihad di jalan Allah.
Sayangnya ia tidak berkekalan. Apa jua di dalam dunia ini tidak berkekalan. Di sana jua kekal abadi. Abang akan tetap mencari erti hidup, dan menyebarkan cinta dian, hati dian yang diberi kepadaku kepada dunia yang luas terbentang. Ada mereka yang mengalami kesusahan dan perlukan kasih sayang. Akanku taburkan cintamu ke alam ini.
Wsslm.
I dun wish to comment what happen, but i guess like what ppl would say, without sincerity the things that we plan would not work out.
And what pissed me the most is when I saw a broken piece of Spiderman 3 dvd on his sleeping bed. He couldn't have like, wake up and play it on DVD ryt?! Kurafat habes, must be the non-muslim friends of the Isz.. He is a muslim, do respect his religion. Prayers is all he needs now.
It was a tough walk. He sleeps deep inside Pusara Abadi. We took a cab there, and had to seek empathy from others so that we could hitch hike out.
It was nice to see the old gang back, thou its a small group, but I have always been low profile. Syafiq in SOC, and Salihin working. In these times you really feel the brotherhood, and the appreciation of the friendship we shared for so many years.
I have always been the sensitive one. Thou I wun show it, but I'd just keep it all to myself. I was on my way to Boon Lay to meet them today, and in the bus I accidentally played Dian's music pieces. I was about to change them when I felt this sudden emptiness in me, and so I continued listening.
I still haven face the fact that Dian is gone. Isz is already sleeping. But Dian? I didn't even have the money to go and see her sleeping haven.
She must have been so beautiful when she sleeps. :(
Isz told me something before. He said once, that many didn't like him, and he asked me if I know why. I told him, that it doesn't matter, coz ryt now you do have friends who cares about you, thou its a small no, but still they do. And its ok if they talk bad about you or hate you. They will get what they deserve.
When he passed on, many came to see, some cried, some kept their silence, others having the empty face that showed nothing but guilt. The guilt when you talk bad about others. And now he is asleep, he wun be waking up, so im nt sure if he did forgave them.
He would have forgiven them, I know him. Kind at heart, childish in many ways. He loves spiderman, just like me. Always thought of how good Spiderman is, the fact that Peter Parker is already in a tight situation, and yet sacrificing himself and serving the public without hesitation. Cool guy.
"With great power comes great responsibility"
I only see great power comes great corruption, but still there are few individuals out there just like me who yearns to be heroes. Everybody needs a hero. Everybody can be a hero. Its the matter of how strong the feeling is, when you see a poor blind man selling tissue down the street. The ability to put yourself in people's shoes.
And so Im facing my demons. I shall play it on my blog, the beautiful pieces from Dian Farzanna, a true friend who loves me so much, till she die protecting that love.
I'll never ever forgive myself.
The guilt of not standing up for my loved ones when people are talking rubbish about them. How people criticize and talk bad about how Isz Sazli speaks in front of me, and I did nothing. Nothing, to protect.
I have failed.
And I shall never forgive myself.
I will be a great person one day. I will keep my dreams alive. I was born to help people. I must. And for all that is worth, I shall see people smiling and laughing and holding my hand shouting grace and happiness in appreciation of the small contribution I give that lifts up their spirits.
And I will do so, with Dian, and Isz in my heart. I know they are watching, smiling at me. I do so, for God, to help His creation, and salvage myself from this guilt that would stay on till I sleep too.
Everybody will sleep one day. Faiza ones told me that a wise clever person is a person who thinks about death. Chinese people would say, "choi!" (is that how you spell it?)
Life is more like a journey. Like we are all sailing, and we see an Island, and the ship harbors at the island. As we step foot onto the island, we realise the beauty of the island, with so many beautiful mangoes, apples, animals to eat, and many more. Some restock their supply. Others already plan to stay on the island enjoying the beauty of life there. Some take sufficient supply, and quickly board the ship to get good captain guest seats.
But then you hear the sound of trumpets and whistles indicating the ship will leave soon. Some hastened, picked up so many supplies, until they eventually have to sit at the back of the ship, having to contend with a 3rd class seat. Some would still stay, ignoring the ship, indulging the delights of the island could offer. Some stumble. Some waited until the next ship arrives.
Im still on the island. They left without me.
:(
PS: by the way, I did enjoyed myself dancing last night, esp the part where it was freelance, I danced with the mask on, and it was wonderful. The mask is my life. It hides the pain, well, to an extent that is.
Abang letak lagu dian di blog abang ok? Kita sebarkan cerita perjuangan kita pada orang, terserah mereka mahu percaya atau tidak. Yang penting, dian tetap dalam hati abang, sememangnya itulah lumrah. Abang tak akan hapuskan segala apa yang kita alami bersama, kerna abang rasa dianlah wanita yang terbaik untuk abang, selalu sabar menghadapi kesakitan sehingga dian meninggalkan mereka yang sangat menyayangi dian. Abang sentiasa menangis kalau teringat akan dian, bercucuran air mata abang menulis warkah ini. Namun abang tahu dian mendengar segalanya, kerna dian sekarang ada disisi Allah Azzawajala. Abang sedih keseorangan tanpa dian. Tiada yang menemani abang semasa abang pulang ke rumah. Tiada yg menemani abang semasa abang ingin lelap lena. Tiada lagi semua, hanya kesedihan yg dialami pabila abang mengingatkan kembali ketawa manis dan senyuman manja dian, dan juga pahitnya dian mengerang sakit, "Bie, sakit bie.. sakit.." Pahit rasanya mendengar dian mengerang sakit, abang tahan tangis agar abang menjadi orang yg tabah untuk dian dibelai. Hanya Allah saja yang tahu betapa sayangnya dan cinta abang pada dian, kamulah seorang insan yang selalu mendengar rintihan abang, walaupun sekecil2nya. Abang ingat lagi, semasa abang berduka, dian belikan abang macs breakfast, hotcakes with sausage meal, and ice milo, makanan paling digemari abang. Namun semuanya hanya menjadi memori. Tak akan terganti setiap kenangan yang telah terukir, yang terendap indah dan melekat di hati. Dian, abang akan sentiasa doakan agar kuburmu diluaskan dan ada cahya Nur agar ia tidak gelap disana. Dan kamu di golongkan dalam para syuhada berjihad di jalan Allah.
Sayangnya ia tidak berkekalan. Apa jua di dalam dunia ini tidak berkekalan. Di sana jua kekal abadi. Abang akan tetap mencari erti hidup, dan menyebarkan cinta dian, hati dian yang diberi kepadaku kepada dunia yang luas terbentang. Ada mereka yang mengalami kesusahan dan perlukan kasih sayang. Akanku taburkan cintamu ke alam ini.
Wsslm.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
The highlight of this whole week is finally here!
Our crew is dancing again, thou it wud be at the same place at Tanjong Pagar, but wad the heck, cukup alhamdulillah seh.
After so much shit at work, finally I can let it all out later..
Meanwhile, I think I just created a new click in my social network. The IRAS peeps. Yesterday me, Imran and Taha went shopping, and at last for a year of saving up 10 bucks every mth, I finally get to buy this $139 dollars flick swatch watch! Haha! Lama seh simpan..
Its kinda fun going out with them, they have a different taste and perception towards the whole fashion thing, maybe we cud connect cz we are of the same age, went thru NS already, and are JCians hahaha.. So the level of intellect is totally different. My army peeps always talk about lepak, shisha , bowling, movie and stuff. But this bunch talks mainly about, hmm, specific stuff. We don't lepak all the time. They are very specific. If nak keluar shopping, dats the only thing that they will do. Has the pros and cons to it, im sure you guys are old enuf to weight it out.
So now on my shopping list is basically:
White leather shoes - $89
Light brown smart pants -$45
Shades - cheap ones
The nice red polo tee near That CD shop -$40
Berms -$35
The leather bag at Far East -$50
A near $300 bucks?! Goodness me.. Pelan2 kayuh ah.
I got so many moves adapted from YouTube to try out later.
Had breakfast with Azhari this morning. I think spending time with a close friend who is going to leave Singapore soon in July is important. You may never know what would happen see. Take Arwas Isz Sazli for eg. The last time I saw him was during BMT, dat was April 2006?! I should have spend more time with him.
The thing about life is that it can be predictable.. until something happens and multiple twist of fates would probably make you feel like a spinning top. No joke. Life is NEVER PREDICTABLE.
Its all about af'aal. We all have a Masterplan of our own. Though we are given a certain amount of power to determine our future, yet you can never run away from the certain destiny. People might say, then its not fair. Then who you are to blame the Almighty? He is after all, God right, who doesn't eat and sleep like Jesus do, He is All-Watching, All-Fair and Just. If He is perfect, that means what He determines is Just.
Take for example, the people who got killed in the twin towers, the 911. The relatives of the late can blame God. That it is unfair, they are innocent. Now who are we to judge the makings of the Lord, when He himself created the Sky and the very Earth that we live in? The Myanmar people are innocent too, not all of them thou, some do are sinned, but do you think they deserve this freak of nature? Surely its no. Nobody wants to suffer. Everybody wants to live a happy life. But everybody knows that, that is never gonna happen.
The fact remains, tawakal and actions are needed. You leave the house and leave everything to God, but make sure you wear shoes so that you wun find a piece of nail stuck on your bare feet.
Though it is predestined that you shud wear your shoes. If God wills it. If He doesnt, you still find a nail stuck in your foot. And it serves as a what people?
Lesson.
Slm.
LiL Tin Man says if he goes to clubbin, he would surely attract fabulous chix with his nice moves.. NOT!
PS: Hope you feel much better after the 2 hr phone talk where we keep diverting from the main topic which is your future. Mira, pls dun be fickle ok? Hahaha! And I tak tinggal tingkat 9 atau 11. Itu Maniam tinggal tingkat 9. Ching Chong Kung Fu tinggal tingkat 11, duh.
:D
Our crew is dancing again, thou it wud be at the same place at Tanjong Pagar, but wad the heck, cukup alhamdulillah seh.
After so much shit at work, finally I can let it all out later..
Meanwhile, I think I just created a new click in my social network. The IRAS peeps. Yesterday me, Imran and Taha went shopping, and at last for a year of saving up 10 bucks every mth, I finally get to buy this $139 dollars flick swatch watch! Haha! Lama seh simpan..
Its kinda fun going out with them, they have a different taste and perception towards the whole fashion thing, maybe we cud connect cz we are of the same age, went thru NS already, and are JCians hahaha.. So the level of intellect is totally different. My army peeps always talk about lepak, shisha , bowling, movie and stuff. But this bunch talks mainly about, hmm, specific stuff. We don't lepak all the time. They are very specific. If nak keluar shopping, dats the only thing that they will do. Has the pros and cons to it, im sure you guys are old enuf to weight it out.
So now on my shopping list is basically:
White leather shoes - $89
Light brown smart pants -$45
Shades - cheap ones
The nice red polo tee near That CD shop -$40
Berms -$35
The leather bag at Far East -$50
A near $300 bucks?! Goodness me.. Pelan2 kayuh ah.
I got so many moves adapted from YouTube to try out later.
Had breakfast with Azhari this morning. I think spending time with a close friend who is going to leave Singapore soon in July is important. You may never know what would happen see. Take Arwas Isz Sazli for eg. The last time I saw him was during BMT, dat was April 2006?! I should have spend more time with him.
The thing about life is that it can be predictable.. until something happens and multiple twist of fates would probably make you feel like a spinning top. No joke. Life is NEVER PREDICTABLE.
Its all about af'aal. We all have a Masterplan of our own. Though we are given a certain amount of power to determine our future, yet you can never run away from the certain destiny. People might say, then its not fair. Then who you are to blame the Almighty? He is after all, God right, who doesn't eat and sleep like Jesus do, He is All-Watching, All-Fair and Just. If He is perfect, that means what He determines is Just.
Take for example, the people who got killed in the twin towers, the 911. The relatives of the late can blame God. That it is unfair, they are innocent. Now who are we to judge the makings of the Lord, when He himself created the Sky and the very Earth that we live in? The Myanmar people are innocent too, not all of them thou, some do are sinned, but do you think they deserve this freak of nature? Surely its no. Nobody wants to suffer. Everybody wants to live a happy life. But everybody knows that, that is never gonna happen.
The fact remains, tawakal and actions are needed. You leave the house and leave everything to God, but make sure you wear shoes so that you wun find a piece of nail stuck on your bare feet.
Though it is predestined that you shud wear your shoes. If God wills it. If He doesnt, you still find a nail stuck in your foot. And it serves as a what people?
Lesson.
Slm.
LiL Tin Man says if he goes to clubbin, he would surely attract fabulous chix with his nice moves.. NOT!
PS: Hope you feel much better after the 2 hr phone talk where we keep diverting from the main topic which is your future. Mira, pls dun be fickle ok? Hahaha! And I tak tinggal tingkat 9 atau 11. Itu Maniam tinggal tingkat 9. Ching Chong Kung Fu tinggal tingkat 11, duh.
:D
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Work is becoming more of a chore now since the large body of CPUs cover our faces, preventing social communication that use to drive me when I work.
So i msged my dad, and asked the old man for some advises.
"Pak, how do you focus on work w/o having emotional or personal stress that dwells in your mind?"
You noe what he ans??
A full 4 msg advise. I'd put it in point form.
"Ya Allah, semoga Engkau mencurahkan rahmat yang sempurna dan keselamatan yang sempurna atas Nabi Muhammad s.a.w, yang menjadi sebab terlepasnya kerumitan dan hilangnya kesusahan, terpenuhinya segala hajat, dan tercapai segala yang disukai serta husnul-khatimah, dan turunnya hujan dari awan, berkat keagungan dan kemuliaan Nabi Muhammad s.a.w, dan kepada para keluarga dan para sahabatnya pada setiap mata melirik dan jiwa bernafas sejumlah setiap yang Engkau ketahui."
And so I took a deep breath, and went to pray, and hey presto, I was back in business bebeh!
The tired me.
Penat2 aku bawakkan shasha bubur and sup ikan, tapi dia tak datang plak. Sedih, at last aku yg makan hahaha!
Oh btw, I went out with this girl by the name of Shasha. Super fair skin tone, and nice pretty smile. She works at the email department, which im still not sure where haha. Our first date, to me ah, was special, cz it started with an ice-cream at Swensens. Im advised to type the details here, like Din say, you don't want to forget your first date, cz she will remember it, and one day she will ask you, and as a guy, you will definitely forget. True. Guys have such big egos that they kinda forget abt them haha!
Pick her up at B1 and saw her in this flowing white skirt and cream blouse. Aku suka skali cermin mata dia, purple black, macam kena ah dengan kulit putih dia haha. The first qn she asked me in the MRT otw to Somerset was, "Do you smoke?"
I answered truthfully, "No, i don't. Not anymore." :D
She hates smokers. Can see that through her antics- she keep fanning her nose whenever a smoker walk past haha.
And the moment we sat in Swensens, dekat Heeran, we start to get kecoh. So many things we talked and discussed. And I keep staring at her face. I dunno why, I dunno wad make me do that. Realli. She is definitely a good simple girl. Realli. Thats why wen she asked me today, whether im serious abt her, I said honestly, "Yes. I am." Macam betol je aku nih.
If you are reading this, I'd tell you something. NOBODY has ever disturb my ability to sleep nor eat. Its like, you eat because you eat, get it? And it was difficult to sleep. Keep tossing and turning. Keep seeing you and your mannerisms. Quite a chaotic scene I suppose.
Sembarang.
So i msged my dad, and asked the old man for some advises.
"Pak, how do you focus on work w/o having emotional or personal stress that dwells in your mind?"
You noe what he ans??
A full 4 msg advise. I'd put it in point form.
- Mencari rezki adalah wajib dengan niat hidup dan matiku dari ALLAH SWT. Semata-mata bergantung pada Allah. Lumrah dalam hidup, kerja dan ibadah mesti ada gangguan, itulah tahap Allah menguji keimanan kita. Sehingga hamba yang mengenal Allah seperti af'aalnya dapat fokus pada setiap pekerjaan.
- Af'aal adalah perbuatan Allah seperti firmanNya, "Sesungguhnya aku mencipta kamu dan segala perbuatan kamu." Dalam keadaan ini hamba melihat kerajaan Allah lalu sentiasa berserah pada nasibnya pada Tuhannya.
- Tiada ia dapat seorang hamba sifat-sifat yang mulia melainkan dilimparkan Allah nur cahya di dalam hatinya, iaitu- Nur Iman, Nur Tauhid dan Nur Keyakinan. Maka dengan keyakinan itu melihatlah ia akan kerajaan Tuhannya maka mula berfungsilah sifat yang mulia.
- Sheikh Muhammad At-Tanusi mengatakan bahwa jika dibaca salawat Nariyah (Kamilah) 90 kali setiap hari maka Allah akan menghilangkan kedukaannya, dimurahkan rezki, dijauhkan berbagai penyakit dan senang beramal sehingga semua orang menaruh rasa senang kepadanya.
"Ya Allah, semoga Engkau mencurahkan rahmat yang sempurna dan keselamatan yang sempurna atas Nabi Muhammad s.a.w, yang menjadi sebab terlepasnya kerumitan dan hilangnya kesusahan, terpenuhinya segala hajat, dan tercapai segala yang disukai serta husnul-khatimah, dan turunnya hujan dari awan, berkat keagungan dan kemuliaan Nabi Muhammad s.a.w, dan kepada para keluarga dan para sahabatnya pada setiap mata melirik dan jiwa bernafas sejumlah setiap yang Engkau ketahui."And so I took a deep breath, and went to pray, and hey presto, I was back in business bebeh!
The tired me.
Penat2 aku bawakkan shasha bubur and sup ikan, tapi dia tak datang plak. Sedih, at last aku yg makan hahaha!
Oh btw, I went out with this girl by the name of Shasha. Super fair skin tone, and nice pretty smile. She works at the email department, which im still not sure where haha. Our first date, to me ah, was special, cz it started with an ice-cream at Swensens. Im advised to type the details here, like Din say, you don't want to forget your first date, cz she will remember it, and one day she will ask you, and as a guy, you will definitely forget. True. Guys have such big egos that they kinda forget abt them haha!
Pick her up at B1 and saw her in this flowing white skirt and cream blouse. Aku suka skali cermin mata dia, purple black, macam kena ah dengan kulit putih dia haha. The first qn she asked me in the MRT otw to Somerset was, "Do you smoke?"
I answered truthfully, "No, i don't. Not anymore." :D
She hates smokers. Can see that through her antics- she keep fanning her nose whenever a smoker walk past haha.
And the moment we sat in Swensens, dekat Heeran, we start to get kecoh. So many things we talked and discussed. And I keep staring at her face. I dunno why, I dunno wad make me do that. Realli. She is definitely a good simple girl. Realli. Thats why wen she asked me today, whether im serious abt her, I said honestly, "Yes. I am." Macam betol je aku nih.
If you are reading this, I'd tell you something. NOBODY has ever disturb my ability to sleep nor eat. Its like, you eat because you eat, get it? And it was difficult to sleep. Keep tossing and turning. Keep seeing you and your mannerisms. Quite a chaotic scene I suppose.
Sembarang.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
I was looking at the APM 2008 when I suddenly saw how absolutely gorgeous Maya Karin looked. Haha, and yeah, Im so into Meet Uncle Hussein band, the song they sang 'lalala kerjalah' dramatic habes haha! Power, original giler..
Furthermore, the song Ketahuan is getting abit irritating. Not to mention Ungu didnt win a single award, and look at how popular Kekasih Gelapku song is on the charts!
Taufik tried to do a backflip, and ended in some position I quite not understand, but den again, he deserve some credit coz he is multi-talented.
Bunga Citra Lestari is damn pretty, its just that I think her voice is nt strong enough to mathc her looks.
Oh well, going for my kelas tasawuf before rushing to some tuisyen and maybe meet Taufik and Azhari earlier before our movie premier, IRONMAN!!
WOH! Gerek!
Qn to post: What do you think of geeks and nerds? I mean, girl nerds? :D
Furthermore, the song Ketahuan is getting abit irritating. Not to mention Ungu didnt win a single award, and look at how popular Kekasih Gelapku song is on the charts!
Taufik tried to do a backflip, and ended in some position I quite not understand, but den again, he deserve some credit coz he is multi-talented.
Bunga Citra Lestari is damn pretty, its just that I think her voice is nt strong enough to mathc her looks.
Oh well, going for my kelas tasawuf before rushing to some tuisyen and maybe meet Taufik and Azhari earlier before our movie premier, IRONMAN!!
WOH! Gerek!
Qn to post: What do you think of geeks and nerds? I mean, girl nerds? :D
Thursday, May 01, 2008
on the lighter note
Im feeling quite refreshed after such a fine rest at home. The gym was the place to chill, with a couple of night escapades at my usual hangout @ Starbucks BPP, with buddy Azhari. It was chill. Usually after some press-ups at the gym, I'd go swimming for like 30 mins before hitting back home to help mummy. It has been awhile since I've help her out with the daily chores. She eventually said it, "Macam dulu eh, mama dengan ami aje."
Yup, after I ord, time was spent at home. All the way. Its always me doing the laundry, sweeping the floor while my mum washing the dishes, and she will talk crap with me abt so many things. Indeed, this fine mid 40 women is full of life. And since she is the only woman in my life holding the primary role influencing me, I tend to judge women with respect to my mum. Oh come off it, my house is pack with obnoxious boys. Hahaha.
I always wanted to watch my idols, Harold and Kumar. Azhari say I got bad taste in liking. That's crap dude. They are like, super awesome ah. Living life without regret. They take life for what it is.
And hear me out, Im gonna go Holland to smoke dope. Whose with me??! Hahahahaha..
Thru the 3 days, I made a few observations that I find relevant in this post.
1) Old people aren't smelly, they just aren't conscious of their looks. They are like us too. I mean, the young. If we dun wear perfume or deodorant we smell the same as them, or not, even worst!
2) The Singapore public is yet to mature, seeing so many things are happening around the globe and all I can see in this country is quietly obedient pets. Darn.
3) Minahs usually have good taste in fashion, but the mats do not.
4) I find woman with this certain hair do have a great amount of flair and loads of wow factor.
I don't know wad its called, but certainly it took my breathe away. Seeing that girl with this hair on that 190 bus, but the colour is brown, not this brown, but brown brown.
5) Ppl can advise you and give so much, but still its up to you to make the choice and be decisive abt it.
6) Today is abit humid and hot, but it certainly reminded me of Taiwan. Outstandingly beautiful, it made me smile throughout the journey to my students crib.
7) The perception on Nursing in Spore is sucky. How I wish I could break those negative connotations on such an honourable job.
8) Ironman is still not as cool as other heroes. This is because he uses technology. Wad you watch is all fake. What if there is a brewed virus inside the system. Would it be dangerous that he could not control himself and keeps shooting missiles everywhere?
9) Stress can put everyone including me into jeopardy. It turns us into monsters. Undeniably true, we can even turn against the ppl we love, just because we got so stress up.
10) I am underpaid in IRAS.
11) Hip hop has so many branches. Thou its good to expose urself to alot of its mainstream, it its better if you stick to the ones that make you feel more comfortable.
12) Humans are entirely dependant on each other, its just that ego is the mask that covers that particular character. The perception on such sensitivity is sometimes viewed as weak and pathetic. But others do view it as a sign of humanity.
13) I was born to do great things in life. Not just life, but the world. Magus Hazlami - the greatest Hazlami in the world. I always know it, that I was made in this world for a reason. Perhaps inventing something or researching on something that provides solutions to the world, to make the world a better place for you and me. It is a wild dream to receive some United Nation prize, or perhaps, a Nobel? :D Giler..
14) A particular woman of my interest do subdue me to an extend. Im certainly not sure what she is thinking, she is mysteriously negated in the way she thinks. Usually you would know, after alot of experiences, how a woman would feel for you. But still, deep inside, I know a bit, but dun think she would let me. Haha. Jual mahal kot..
15) I found a perfect spot to star gaze, the perfect spot in Spore, maybe I should rewrite it as, almost perfect:) I would keep this place a secret. Surely my future-to-be wife would be astounded by this place, for I feel this would be the very place to propose, or maybe, to just count the stars. But be sure to check the weather forecast!
16) I am not sure abt the habit of mine to see guys bods, im really sure that I am straight, but admiring them is not gay right? Is it normal? :l
17) Rock paper and scissors. Ok, here is the deal. Rock can surely break scissors. But paper killing rock? All paper does is wrapping the rock, but not defeating rock ryt? And scissors can cut paper, but there is this thing called recycle ryt? So wads the point? Haha!
18) Good parents give the basics and freedom to the child. But excellent parents worry when their child comes back home late, and they still scold you even though your old enough. Its never a qn of trust- many would use that to counter their arguments. It is true to a certain extend. But still, put your shoes in the parent's position. How can you be an excellent parent if you just blindly trust your child coming back home late like 3am in the morning hoping that you won't do anything stupid but you are doing something stupid but due to trust the parent went limp and mute. That's why I still prefer my mum and dad nagging at me for coming back home as late as 11pm. That shows they super duper love me and they would never want me to be hurt or do anything stupid outside, even though Im coming 21 this Sept. It shows that my parents are soo cool, they love me to bits!! Unlike some ppl who brags abt how they can go back home late, and their parents give them the ultimate freedom. Goes to show your parents don't give a f*ck about u hahaha!
"Biarla, ape ni yg awak mengomel? Kan dia dah besar.."
Such quotes shows how irresponsible a parent is to their child. So don't go around blaming western culture. Blame the simplicity in the family unit- parents. Child delinquencies are primarily due to parents not caring much for their child.
So when I hear ppl bragging again, like, "Wtf, ko masih ade curfew? Ko kan dah besar?", I'll be smiling the whole way, thinking that its basically a curse in disguise. Get over it. Be more mature pls? :D
Now dun get emotional, all im saying is that for those who receives curfew, dun be too upset abt it. Embrace it. And for those who receives calls from parents ard 11-11.30pm, thats still shows ur parents are excellent creatures who took the liberty to call you cause they care. What im saying is to those who never had any curfews, and never receive any calls, all they say is, "mum im going to be late today."
Thats about it. Im starting to move on. Had ice-cream just now. Yum. Not to mention the ben and jerry's free ice-cream day. I queued up again and again. Delicious temptation. :)
Enjoy the hols. (tmr working Hazlami, duh!) But still, wouldn't it be nice to work again and irritate Rasyida and talk crap with Suhaila, and disturb my best buddy Carmeni (btw she is a she not a he) and keep teasing Taha and Sameer on their oh-so-publicized-kissing-act, and go for minz (short form for minum) in the morn with Wanpee and Sameer talking abt crap, while listening to Sameer horny guilty pleasures.
He do surprise me sometimes. Nice cool guy.
Oh wait, he asked me this question I think Its suitable for me to share it in public. (hope you girls dun mind the crap of men)
"Kalau aku kasi kau 2 choices. 1) pompuan yg alim, baik, mulia, akhlak best, tapi muker scrap macam bawah kasot aku, atau 2) pompuan lawa nak mampos, hot sexy giler, wild, tapi dia suka ko to the max. Mana kau pilih."
My ans. Hmm..
Tricky.. You guess. :)
-lil tin man (dats my new hip hop name. Haha weird.)
Yup, after I ord, time was spent at home. All the way. Its always me doing the laundry, sweeping the floor while my mum washing the dishes, and she will talk crap with me abt so many things. Indeed, this fine mid 40 women is full of life. And since she is the only woman in my life holding the primary role influencing me, I tend to judge women with respect to my mum. Oh come off it, my house is pack with obnoxious boys. Hahaha.
I always wanted to watch my idols, Harold and Kumar. Azhari say I got bad taste in liking. That's crap dude. They are like, super awesome ah. Living life without regret. They take life for what it is.
And hear me out, Im gonna go Holland to smoke dope. Whose with me??! Hahahahaha..
Thru the 3 days, I made a few observations that I find relevant in this post.
1) Old people aren't smelly, they just aren't conscious of their looks. They are like us too. I mean, the young. If we dun wear perfume or deodorant we smell the same as them, or not, even worst!
2) The Singapore public is yet to mature, seeing so many things are happening around the globe and all I can see in this country is quietly obedient pets. Darn.
3) Minahs usually have good taste in fashion, but the mats do not.
4) I find woman with this certain hair do have a great amount of flair and loads of wow factor.
I don't know wad its called, but certainly it took my breathe away. Seeing that girl with this hair on that 190 bus, but the colour is brown, not this brown, but brown brown.5) Ppl can advise you and give so much, but still its up to you to make the choice and be decisive abt it.
6) Today is abit humid and hot, but it certainly reminded me of Taiwan. Outstandingly beautiful, it made me smile throughout the journey to my students crib.
7) The perception on Nursing in Spore is sucky. How I wish I could break those negative connotations on such an honourable job.
8) Ironman is still not as cool as other heroes. This is because he uses technology. Wad you watch is all fake. What if there is a brewed virus inside the system. Would it be dangerous that he could not control himself and keeps shooting missiles everywhere?
9) Stress can put everyone including me into jeopardy. It turns us into monsters. Undeniably true, we can even turn against the ppl we love, just because we got so stress up.
10) I am underpaid in IRAS.
11) Hip hop has so many branches. Thou its good to expose urself to alot of its mainstream, it its better if you stick to the ones that make you feel more comfortable.
12) Humans are entirely dependant on each other, its just that ego is the mask that covers that particular character. The perception on such sensitivity is sometimes viewed as weak and pathetic. But others do view it as a sign of humanity.
13) I was born to do great things in life. Not just life, but the world. Magus Hazlami - the greatest Hazlami in the world. I always know it, that I was made in this world for a reason. Perhaps inventing something or researching on something that provides solutions to the world, to make the world a better place for you and me. It is a wild dream to receive some United Nation prize, or perhaps, a Nobel? :D Giler..
14) A particular woman of my interest do subdue me to an extend. Im certainly not sure what she is thinking, she is mysteriously negated in the way she thinks. Usually you would know, after alot of experiences, how a woman would feel for you. But still, deep inside, I know a bit, but dun think she would let me. Haha. Jual mahal kot..
15) I found a perfect spot to star gaze, the perfect spot in Spore, maybe I should rewrite it as, almost perfect:) I would keep this place a secret. Surely my future-to-be wife would be astounded by this place, for I feel this would be the very place to propose, or maybe, to just count the stars. But be sure to check the weather forecast!
16) I am not sure abt the habit of mine to see guys bods, im really sure that I am straight, but admiring them is not gay right? Is it normal? :l
17) Rock paper and scissors. Ok, here is the deal. Rock can surely break scissors. But paper killing rock? All paper does is wrapping the rock, but not defeating rock ryt? And scissors can cut paper, but there is this thing called recycle ryt? So wads the point? Haha!
18) Good parents give the basics and freedom to the child. But excellent parents worry when their child comes back home late, and they still scold you even though your old enough. Its never a qn of trust- many would use that to counter their arguments. It is true to a certain extend. But still, put your shoes in the parent's position. How can you be an excellent parent if you just blindly trust your child coming back home late like 3am in the morning hoping that you won't do anything stupid but you are doing something stupid but due to trust the parent went limp and mute. That's why I still prefer my mum and dad nagging at me for coming back home as late as 11pm. That shows they super duper love me and they would never want me to be hurt or do anything stupid outside, even though Im coming 21 this Sept. It shows that my parents are soo cool, they love me to bits!! Unlike some ppl who brags abt how they can go back home late, and their parents give them the ultimate freedom. Goes to show your parents don't give a f*ck about u hahaha!
"Biarla, ape ni yg awak mengomel? Kan dia dah besar.."
Such quotes shows how irresponsible a parent is to their child. So don't go around blaming western culture. Blame the simplicity in the family unit- parents. Child delinquencies are primarily due to parents not caring much for their child.
So when I hear ppl bragging again, like, "Wtf, ko masih ade curfew? Ko kan dah besar?", I'll be smiling the whole way, thinking that its basically a curse in disguise. Get over it. Be more mature pls? :D
Now dun get emotional, all im saying is that for those who receives curfew, dun be too upset abt it. Embrace it. And for those who receives calls from parents ard 11-11.30pm, thats still shows ur parents are excellent creatures who took the liberty to call you cause they care. What im saying is to those who never had any curfews, and never receive any calls, all they say is, "mum im going to be late today."
Thats about it. Im starting to move on. Had ice-cream just now. Yum. Not to mention the ben and jerry's free ice-cream day. I queued up again and again. Delicious temptation. :)
Enjoy the hols. (tmr working Hazlami, duh!) But still, wouldn't it be nice to work again and irritate Rasyida and talk crap with Suhaila, and disturb my best buddy Carmeni (btw she is a she not a he) and keep teasing Taha and Sameer on their oh-so-publicized-kissing-act, and go for minz (short form for minum) in the morn with Wanpee and Sameer talking abt crap, while listening to Sameer horny guilty pleasures.
He do surprise me sometimes. Nice cool guy.
Oh wait, he asked me this question I think Its suitable for me to share it in public. (hope you girls dun mind the crap of men)
"Kalau aku kasi kau 2 choices. 1) pompuan yg alim, baik, mulia, akhlak best, tapi muker scrap macam bawah kasot aku, atau 2) pompuan lawa nak mampos, hot sexy giler, wild, tapi dia suka ko to the max. Mana kau pilih."
My ans. Hmm..
Tricky.. You guess. :)
-lil tin man (dats my new hip hop name. Haha weird.)
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I met Ariff to find answers. Instead, it was me posting qns. And all he could do was keeping quiet. No answers for me. So many qns but no answers.
But I'll try to pick myself up. Haji Salleh Meerasa, my Tasawuf teacher, told me something that cheered me up.
"Ini budak ada harapan. Boleh cemerlang, pasal dia sungguh-sungguh."
I dunno wad he 'saw' or what ilham he experiences, but when the maulid was over, and as we went down, my dad went to Cik Amir the guy who sponsors the maulid, and asked him for nursing books, since Cik Amir's wife is a nurse. I was kinda shocked, as I haven't receive any letters indicating my place in Nursing yet. But from the look of what Tuan Guru says, and my dad's sudden actions, I think Allah has shown some light on me. I might go Nursing.
But whatever it is, im starting to miss Dian. I kept looking at my hp. Look back at all the msges.
Tough life. Tough times ahead. :(
But I'll try to pick myself up. Haji Salleh Meerasa, my Tasawuf teacher, told me something that cheered me up.
"Ini budak ada harapan. Boleh cemerlang, pasal dia sungguh-sungguh."
I dunno wad he 'saw' or what ilham he experiences, but when the maulid was over, and as we went down, my dad went to Cik Amir the guy who sponsors the maulid, and asked him for nursing books, since Cik Amir's wife is a nurse. I was kinda shocked, as I haven't receive any letters indicating my place in Nursing yet. But from the look of what Tuan Guru says, and my dad's sudden actions, I think Allah has shown some light on me. I might go Nursing.
But whatever it is, im starting to miss Dian. I kept looking at my hp. Look back at all the msges.
Tough life. Tough times ahead. :(
Saturday, April 26, 2008
I feel like not going out today. Alot of ppl asked me out but I told them im not feeling well. Ystd was abit fun, watching wizard of oz at free screening sumwhere near National Museum out in the open w Taufiq Din n wanpee. And Mira gave me a call, and it was the sweetest call I ever received. I was so touched the fact that she cried reading the entry and str8 away called me to see if im ok. Nobody does that to me. Really. Dropping msges are common. But calling up a friend to ask him if he is ok and be patient is a phenomenon. Thx Mira. Realli. And Nisa called me. She say she dreamt abt me saying, "Im not there for you as how you're there for me." Thou I do not understand what dat means, i realli am grateful to share a tearful convo with you. Thx dear. Realli appreciate that. Id promise I'd bring you out to catch an open air free screening movie.
But still im sad. No ice-cream can make me happy. Trying to fill up ma time w gym and soccer and kelas agama later. Im not going to the Alpha Gathering at Simpang bedok. Just wanna sit at home alone pondering wad the fish has happened to me. :(
This song is esp for me and for you dian.. Wherever you are..
Akhir Cerita Cinta
sandiwarakah selama ini
setelah sekian lama kita telah bersama
inikah akhir cerita cinta
yang selalu aku banggakan
didepan mereka
entah dimana kusembunyikan rasa malu
oh...
kini harus aku lewati
sepi hariku
tanpa dirimu lagi
biarkan kini ku berdiri
melawan waktu
untuk melupakanmu
walau pedih hati ini
namun aku bertahan..
But still im sad. No ice-cream can make me happy. Trying to fill up ma time w gym and soccer and kelas agama later. Im not going to the Alpha Gathering at Simpang bedok. Just wanna sit at home alone pondering wad the fish has happened to me. :(
This song is esp for me and for you dian.. Wherever you are..
Akhir Cerita Cinta
sandiwarakah selama ini
setelah sekian lama kita telah bersama
inikah akhir cerita cinta
yang selalu aku banggakan
didepan mereka
entah dimana kusembunyikan rasa malu
oh...
kini harus aku lewati
sepi hariku
tanpa dirimu lagi
biarkan kini ku berdiri
melawan waktu
untuk melupakanmu
walau pedih hati ini
namun aku bertahan..
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Dian is gone.
Im broken. I was shocked to receive a msg by Taufiq saying that dian passed away.
Dian farzanna is gone.
For a yr plus I have waited to glimpse her face, but now its all too late.
I went limp, numb by the words left in my phone. I sat outside IRAS lost in time. And at that moment I was listening to Acha Septriasa's Sampai Menutup Mata- the song that she sang to me. Tears just kept flowing. I couldn't hold it. So many sacrifices I have made. So many. So so many. So much patience and loyalty. For a year I hold on to the promises I've made.
I shall recapped the journey that I've been through. To let it all out. To stop the pain in my heart.
People hold the wrong perception on her. And I did my best to hold it back, to protect what I love. By believing.
Dian Farzanna is such a beauty. She was a friend. In fact the only friend that I share all the deepest darkest secrets of my life. She was there every step. every obstacle that I came across- she was there. Love blossomed only because of the friendship we share. I never get the chance to see her, but after 2 months of knowing each other, she pop the qn as I was about to leave Singapore for Taiwan.
A mix-blood of Caucasian-German-Pan Asian girl, she excelled in her studies, achieving First Class Honours in Music, from Royal College of London, Music. She was born a prodigy, often playing for me and my army friends music pieces like MCR etc on piano. A quiet girl, but full of life- until the sickness came and took it all away.
After getting together, I made her promise me to wait for me till I return from a mth in Taiwan, fetch me from the Airport. Love grew deep like roots pouring through the sands. Communication was limited over there. My handphone was stolen, and panicking to save my relationship, I forge through pain and thick, walking 14 km and back to the nearest 7-11 to find something, anything, that could help me. It was futile, as there wasnt any hicard on sale in Taiwan, and I bought a normal phonecard. So I used a friend's hp to msg her, only a few, and the rest leaving her voice msges to her hp. Even during RnR, I emailed her constantly to say how much I missed her. I kept looking at her pics in my psp, and during outfield, in that cold freezing place, I kept myself alive, by imagining how it feels like after all of this is over, and that at last I can be with her.
But my dreams were shattered. 5 days till Singapore, I received a msg from her thru Taufik's hp. She had to leave Singapore for Australia to follow her family. She cannot fetch me from the Airport. And she told me she would leave to London to further her studies.
I remember how it felt that day. I was sitting with my fellow best buddies. Din was there, with Taufik and Sufian. Izhar and Wanpee on the other side of the bed. We were cleaning our weapon in prep to leave camp for hotel. I remember the tears that slowly leaked out. I was thinking, why everytime Im dis close to feel a true relationship, it will result in a failure? Why?
I came back to Singapore and took a cab back home. Alone. I felt horrible. But I was determined to hold on. I say, i wait. I will wait. I will sacrifice. Maybe perhaps with the sacrifice and patience, things would work out.
We talked on the phone, and shared so much. I always felt happy everytime I talk to her on the hp. She bought me a cake to celebrate 5mths of our friendship and love. Nobody special would buy me a cake, but she did. And not just that. The many other expensive stuff which includes the Jane Shilton wallet, the jeans, shirts, and that exp leather blazer. And all i could afford was a lucky bracelet, and a musical box.
Probs came and go, but we went strong. There were a couple of times I felt so much tension, and she was saying abt breaking up and stuff, and I was so close of breaking it. But the heart kept going. I say no, I say we must be stronger.
That's when she was warded a cancer patient. They found a tumor a size of 50cent coin near her left brain. That explains her frequent headaches. At that moment it was stage 1.
She was broken. I felt so sorry. But I knew I have to be strong for her. There was a chance of recovery. I went around, maulids after maulids, tahlils and majlis zikr, to pray for her health. It was so intensive, nearly every sat and sun was filled with prayer sessions. Just for her.
I remember, during Ramadhan, I called her when she was sick and bed-ridden, and I read the Yasin followed by tearful doas to ask for mercy from God.
I wanted to see her. It was so desperate. I held on. Her tantrums, her sufferings, frequent calls to let out her physical pains- I became the punching bag. And for 7 mths I persevered. It was so tough. So rocky. And with so much stuff going on back in camp, I was left clueless on what to act upon.
And yet I kept praying. I kept praying. So many things happen, but yet I kept it all to myself. Nobody knew how i felt. They keep saying, leave her, she is sick, you don't even get the chance to see her, you deserve better haz. Den define better. Define.
5 relationships in a span of 3 years, and define me better. While people happily struck 3 years of relationship, I could only hope for more than a 5 mths.
It has always been that way. And I thought, it cannot happen between me and dian. It cannot. I have to give my all, my best. My 110%.
The songs that I sang to her, the late nights talking to her, assuring her to remain strong and kept faith. So much. So much.
And now its as though a vacuum suck everything out of me. I felt like vomitting. The memories were so painful. And yet ppl kept saying, teasing me, and never did they understand what I really went thru.
Only God knew. And the pillow that served as my crying hole, to hide my face while I silently let my pain go, wishing that I could wipe it all clean.
I tried smiling. I went to the toilet, and tried smiling. But all was fake.
Dian farzanna. My girl. My friend. My best friend.
And now she is gone. Forever.
Where now, haz? What now?
Move on? Get another? I know the drill. Time will pass, and it'll heal. New memories will cover the old ones. That's life. That's how you do it.
But what if I don't want to? What if I never ever want to commit anymore?
What if I give up, and commit my love to the world? Till I get old and ppl will just forget me while I die and rot in a quiet room where no one would visit me?
Who then would put me to my grave? Who then would pray for me when Im gone?
Im done. :( even tons of ice-creams wun help. I'll cry and weep and mourn till I can't cry no more. Isz Sazli gone. Now dian. Y..............................................................................................................................................................................................................
PS: fyi, the last words she ever said to me, was, " den you'll collect my corpse!" and all I did was say,"do come back to Singapore" :((
Am I a bad person? Do I deserve all this?
... Cintaku, sampai ku menutup mata...
Dian farzanna is gone.
For a yr plus I have waited to glimpse her face, but now its all too late.
I went limp, numb by the words left in my phone. I sat outside IRAS lost in time. And at that moment I was listening to Acha Septriasa's Sampai Menutup Mata- the song that she sang to me. Tears just kept flowing. I couldn't hold it. So many sacrifices I have made. So many. So so many. So much patience and loyalty. For a year I hold on to the promises I've made.
I shall recapped the journey that I've been through. To let it all out. To stop the pain in my heart.
People hold the wrong perception on her. And I did my best to hold it back, to protect what I love. By believing.
Dian Farzanna is such a beauty. She was a friend. In fact the only friend that I share all the deepest darkest secrets of my life. She was there every step. every obstacle that I came across- she was there. Love blossomed only because of the friendship we share. I never get the chance to see her, but after 2 months of knowing each other, she pop the qn as I was about to leave Singapore for Taiwan.
A mix-blood of Caucasian-German-Pan Asian girl, she excelled in her studies, achieving First Class Honours in Music, from Royal College of London, Music. She was born a prodigy, often playing for me and my army friends music pieces like MCR etc on piano. A quiet girl, but full of life- until the sickness came and took it all away.
After getting together, I made her promise me to wait for me till I return from a mth in Taiwan, fetch me from the Airport. Love grew deep like roots pouring through the sands. Communication was limited over there. My handphone was stolen, and panicking to save my relationship, I forge through pain and thick, walking 14 km and back to the nearest 7-11 to find something, anything, that could help me. It was futile, as there wasnt any hicard on sale in Taiwan, and I bought a normal phonecard. So I used a friend's hp to msg her, only a few, and the rest leaving her voice msges to her hp. Even during RnR, I emailed her constantly to say how much I missed her. I kept looking at her pics in my psp, and during outfield, in that cold freezing place, I kept myself alive, by imagining how it feels like after all of this is over, and that at last I can be with her.
But my dreams were shattered. 5 days till Singapore, I received a msg from her thru Taufik's hp. She had to leave Singapore for Australia to follow her family. She cannot fetch me from the Airport. And she told me she would leave to London to further her studies.
I remember how it felt that day. I was sitting with my fellow best buddies. Din was there, with Taufik and Sufian. Izhar and Wanpee on the other side of the bed. We were cleaning our weapon in prep to leave camp for hotel. I remember the tears that slowly leaked out. I was thinking, why everytime Im dis close to feel a true relationship, it will result in a failure? Why?
I came back to Singapore and took a cab back home. Alone. I felt horrible. But I was determined to hold on. I say, i wait. I will wait. I will sacrifice. Maybe perhaps with the sacrifice and patience, things would work out.
We talked on the phone, and shared so much. I always felt happy everytime I talk to her on the hp. She bought me a cake to celebrate 5mths of our friendship and love. Nobody special would buy me a cake, but she did. And not just that. The many other expensive stuff which includes the Jane Shilton wallet, the jeans, shirts, and that exp leather blazer. And all i could afford was a lucky bracelet, and a musical box.
Probs came and go, but we went strong. There were a couple of times I felt so much tension, and she was saying abt breaking up and stuff, and I was so close of breaking it. But the heart kept going. I say no, I say we must be stronger.
That's when she was warded a cancer patient. They found a tumor a size of 50cent coin near her left brain. That explains her frequent headaches. At that moment it was stage 1.
She was broken. I felt so sorry. But I knew I have to be strong for her. There was a chance of recovery. I went around, maulids after maulids, tahlils and majlis zikr, to pray for her health. It was so intensive, nearly every sat and sun was filled with prayer sessions. Just for her.
I remember, during Ramadhan, I called her when she was sick and bed-ridden, and I read the Yasin followed by tearful doas to ask for mercy from God.
I wanted to see her. It was so desperate. I held on. Her tantrums, her sufferings, frequent calls to let out her physical pains- I became the punching bag. And for 7 mths I persevered. It was so tough. So rocky. And with so much stuff going on back in camp, I was left clueless on what to act upon.
And yet I kept praying. I kept praying. So many things happen, but yet I kept it all to myself. Nobody knew how i felt. They keep saying, leave her, she is sick, you don't even get the chance to see her, you deserve better haz. Den define better. Define.
5 relationships in a span of 3 years, and define me better. While people happily struck 3 years of relationship, I could only hope for more than a 5 mths.
It has always been that way. And I thought, it cannot happen between me and dian. It cannot. I have to give my all, my best. My 110%.
The songs that I sang to her, the late nights talking to her, assuring her to remain strong and kept faith. So much. So much.
And now its as though a vacuum suck everything out of me. I felt like vomitting. The memories were so painful. And yet ppl kept saying, teasing me, and never did they understand what I really went thru.
Only God knew. And the pillow that served as my crying hole, to hide my face while I silently let my pain go, wishing that I could wipe it all clean.
I tried smiling. I went to the toilet, and tried smiling. But all was fake.
Dian farzanna. My girl. My friend. My best friend.
And now she is gone. Forever.
Where now, haz? What now?
Move on? Get another? I know the drill. Time will pass, and it'll heal. New memories will cover the old ones. That's life. That's how you do it.
But what if I don't want to? What if I never ever want to commit anymore?
What if I give up, and commit my love to the world? Till I get old and ppl will just forget me while I die and rot in a quiet room where no one would visit me?
Who then would put me to my grave? Who then would pray for me when Im gone?
Im done. :( even tons of ice-creams wun help. I'll cry and weep and mourn till I can't cry no more. Isz Sazli gone. Now dian. Y..............................................................................................................................................................................................................
PS: fyi, the last words she ever said to me, was, " den you'll collect my corpse!" and all I did was say,"do come back to Singapore" :((
Am I a bad person? Do I deserve all this?
... Cintaku, sampai ku menutup mata...
Saturday, April 19, 2008
I had a tough week, fighting forms and thick attachments with bizarre letters stuck in between, and fighting the flu and fever virus that kept me on the sidelines for the whole week.
Seriously it hasn't been a pleasant journey. The temp went 40, so its no joke. I tot I was gonna die. And even some well wishes by ppl thru smses and calls didnt change anything. I lay low like a sick cat aint eating its meal.
And then went to work, and my production went to the gallows with a mere 30-60 a day. And usually wen my TTA gals tease me im all-funny, but the PMS struck and I became senstitive and so I kept mummed the whole way. Food taste like empty water.
That's the reason why im staying at home the whole weekend. Recuperate. Get myself adjusted and well-straightened up. So that I can keep my youth and vigour for the next week.
But the highlight for this week would be on the Thurs. After work I had a msg by dad, saying that the NUS letter came and he feels 'responsible' to open it. See? Fathers and their ultra ego. It wun hurt if he would say, im anxious and excited to open the letter. Ryt?
And sure enough, i gave him a call. Guess what? Interview for Nursing.
Some would laugh at me. Haz jadi nurse? Muahahahahahahha..
Well i dun find it funny thou.
So i sat by the curb waiting for din, and gave myself a deep thought. Wad must I do?
Wad could i do?
Can dis lead to my ultimate dream?
Can dis lead me to Africa, wearing an UN armband treating the poor?
Can dis allow me the opp to take pics with the kids in Palestine?
Can dis allow me to travel around the world, taking pics of life, and finally piecing everything up with a book?
Can dis allow me to be who I want to be, taking risks and explore the unanimous world?
Can dis lead to a relax retirement, some place away from humanity where I can learn something abt death?
I dunno. But wherever He places me, I redha.
But nevertheless, the money is good. I don't do nursing. I manage nurses. Get it? Hahaha..
With a degree, I can go to even UK to work. Its a key. God has shown His plan. He integrates my soft soul for the world with my firing aspirations to explore into a single path. Nursing.
Im proud to be a Muslim.
Anyways, we meaning Wanpee Din Izhar and me decided to open a business selling T-shirts. I think its a gd idea considering the talents in it. Din and Izhar are good in designing. Wanpee is a working bee. And me? Im just good at talking. Hahaha, i get the easy part.
Well, im setting up templates for them like shares, and the budget and marketing sector and stuff liddat for them. Thinking of a name for our small mini company. Hmm..
Taufiq's words gave me some thought. The part when Ariff disappears at the moment I sent out those emails to them- hell suspicious. He plays the avoiding game. But maybe I shud give it a rest and carry on with my life. Maybe..
And one more thing- I always have a problem asking a person out. I have to go round the bush just to pop the qn. And in the end, the mood disappears and I went to slp. That's a very bad habit. Shame on me, shame!
Im just shy, I was born that way, perhaps the person could be the initiator instead. Haha.
Wokeh. Wanna watch tv. Beep.
PS: Im starting to like you. :)
Seriously it hasn't been a pleasant journey. The temp went 40, so its no joke. I tot I was gonna die. And even some well wishes by ppl thru smses and calls didnt change anything. I lay low like a sick cat aint eating its meal.
And then went to work, and my production went to the gallows with a mere 30-60 a day. And usually wen my TTA gals tease me im all-funny, but the PMS struck and I became senstitive and so I kept mummed the whole way. Food taste like empty water.
That's the reason why im staying at home the whole weekend. Recuperate. Get myself adjusted and well-straightened up. So that I can keep my youth and vigour for the next week.
But the highlight for this week would be on the Thurs. After work I had a msg by dad, saying that the NUS letter came and he feels 'responsible' to open it. See? Fathers and their ultra ego. It wun hurt if he would say, im anxious and excited to open the letter. Ryt?
And sure enough, i gave him a call. Guess what? Interview for Nursing.
Some would laugh at me. Haz jadi nurse? Muahahahahahahha..
Well i dun find it funny thou.
So i sat by the curb waiting for din, and gave myself a deep thought. Wad must I do?
Wad could i do?
Can dis lead to my ultimate dream?
Can dis lead me to Africa, wearing an UN armband treating the poor?
Can dis allow me the opp to take pics with the kids in Palestine?
Can dis allow me to travel around the world, taking pics of life, and finally piecing everything up with a book?
Can dis allow me to be who I want to be, taking risks and explore the unanimous world?
Can dis lead to a relax retirement, some place away from humanity where I can learn something abt death?
I dunno. But wherever He places me, I redha.
But nevertheless, the money is good. I don't do nursing. I manage nurses. Get it? Hahaha..
With a degree, I can go to even UK to work. Its a key. God has shown His plan. He integrates my soft soul for the world with my firing aspirations to explore into a single path. Nursing.
Im proud to be a Muslim.
Anyways, we meaning Wanpee Din Izhar and me decided to open a business selling T-shirts. I think its a gd idea considering the talents in it. Din and Izhar are good in designing. Wanpee is a working bee. And me? Im just good at talking. Hahaha, i get the easy part.
Well, im setting up templates for them like shares, and the budget and marketing sector and stuff liddat for them. Thinking of a name for our small mini company. Hmm..
Taufiq's words gave me some thought. The part when Ariff disappears at the moment I sent out those emails to them- hell suspicious. He plays the avoiding game. But maybe I shud give it a rest and carry on with my life. Maybe..
And one more thing- I always have a problem asking a person out. I have to go round the bush just to pop the qn. And in the end, the mood disappears and I went to slp. That's a very bad habit. Shame on me, shame!
Im just shy, I was born that way, perhaps the person could be the initiator instead. Haha.
Wokeh. Wanna watch tv. Beep.
PS: Im starting to like you. :)
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Wad a nyt on sat!
I crashed into a gd fren's class gathering, made new frens, den went to a dance studio and dance!
And wads more, it was hip hop!
So I and Azhari went to find a cap, and in the end he got a nice red one which i wanted so badly but i got tite budget at Far East.
Had dinner (salad to detoxified my shisha-exposed lungs) and off we went to Tanjong Pagar.
He got this crew which is made up of his classmates back in MI. Now dats a cool class. There's fauzi who is the crew leader, one of the best dancers i've seen in SP, and who is my MUSHU master haha, there's two hafizes, a chris, a chinese girl i forgot her name, munirah, and a few more.
And in the dance floor we practically expressed everything, and I think as a novice I do have some moves up my sleeve haha! Azhari kept saying, your moves are like jabbawockeez, of cuz la, im influenced by them, but im also keen to learn a few bboy moves as well.
I left the place feeling a rush that kept me alive inside, like you have drank a cup from the fountain of youth. And also the red cap that Azhari left it to me to safe keep it till the day I met him and go buy my first hip hop cap.
Haha. Duh.
So many things to say, but till i get my hands on the pics, i dun have anything to type. So da!
PS: We danced to every single song from the Step Up 2 movie. And I hope the nxt one, which fauzi says it would be a routine, comes early. So I can release the tension of having PushyPa in my dreams hahaha! (fyi, pushypa is my supervisor in IRAS)
I crashed into a gd fren's class gathering, made new frens, den went to a dance studio and dance!
And wads more, it was hip hop!
So I and Azhari went to find a cap, and in the end he got a nice red one which i wanted so badly but i got tite budget at Far East.
Had dinner (salad to detoxified my shisha-exposed lungs) and off we went to Tanjong Pagar.
He got this crew which is made up of his classmates back in MI. Now dats a cool class. There's fauzi who is the crew leader, one of the best dancers i've seen in SP, and who is my MUSHU master haha, there's two hafizes, a chris, a chinese girl i forgot her name, munirah, and a few more.
And in the dance floor we practically expressed everything, and I think as a novice I do have some moves up my sleeve haha! Azhari kept saying, your moves are like jabbawockeez, of cuz la, im influenced by them, but im also keen to learn a few bboy moves as well.
I left the place feeling a rush that kept me alive inside, like you have drank a cup from the fountain of youth. And also the red cap that Azhari left it to me to safe keep it till the day I met him and go buy my first hip hop cap.
Haha. Duh.
So many things to say, but till i get my hands on the pics, i dun have anything to type. So da!
PS: We danced to every single song from the Step Up 2 movie. And I hope the nxt one, which fauzi says it would be a routine, comes early. So I can release the tension of having PushyPa in my dreams hahaha! (fyi, pushypa is my supervisor in IRAS)
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Im so shagged after work. No more fly pies for the whole yr. Seriously. No mood to do shit. But hey hey hey! Im looking forward to SATURDAY!!
Guess what? Im a guest in this hip hop gathering of ma gd fren Azhari and his crew! Well, im nt sure what to wear cz im nt a hip hop person, but i like to try it yea! Its kinda cool learning new stuff, other than the constant mistakes i made when im screening taxpayer's forms!
I cannot summarise the whole weeks worth of crap, but highlights wud do.
1) Arsenal is out. Taik.
2) Im becoming increasingly productive, much to my utter dismay.
3) Im getting 2hrs of slp now, due to having bad nightmares about Form B1s and do I need to batch them out..
4) Mum is sick :(
5) Had a gd time chilling at Starbucks after maghrib on Wed with Azhari talking abt how good men like us losing out to bad rugged boiz who have the upper edge of wooing nice girls..
6) Pay day dah smpi, but how small it may be like, im still gonna say, alhamdulillah..
7) Sat im gonna be 100% jabbafied after a few learning moves by Azhari's crew
8) A sudden lack of gaming habits pushed me to greater stress
9) Royal plaza's double chocs chip brownie makes me drool for more
10) Went out with Imran and geng, the IRAS boys to go for a lil 'gentlemen' shopping at city hall
11) Wanna buy that swatch watch that has a cool design on it, and that white leather slipon shoe at peradas.. (is that how u spell it)
12) Had a fiery debate with Hasanul yesterday night about PAS and politics
13) Realised that im more a 'result-oriented' person
14) Realised that im never a fighter but would love to do ground charity work
15) Sudden dream to go to Palestine and Africa and join Mercy Relief to help the poor and weak who are suffering from war and political nonsense
16) Sudden desire to go ice skating with a friend who wants me to bring her out and try something diff since SP is getting more boring everyday
17) Sudden desire to go to that place opp Clifford Pier, to that one secret place where u can see the city lights from afar, and yet see the stars, but mosquito repellent is a necessity
18) Getting sick and tired from doing the same shit everyday like a robot
19) Want that Dell Laptop, but it costs 1500 bux!
20) Maybe photography could come into my pic later after hearing the amt of capital needed to invest on lenses etc
Thats it. Hmm, what song to put uh?
Ah, lagu nie best.
My chemical romance- SLEEP
So shut your eyes,
Kiss me goodbye,
And sleep......
Just sleep..........
ZzZzZzZzZz..
Guess what? Im a guest in this hip hop gathering of ma gd fren Azhari and his crew! Well, im nt sure what to wear cz im nt a hip hop person, but i like to try it yea! Its kinda cool learning new stuff, other than the constant mistakes i made when im screening taxpayer's forms!
I cannot summarise the whole weeks worth of crap, but highlights wud do.
1) Arsenal is out. Taik.
2) Im becoming increasingly productive, much to my utter dismay.
3) Im getting 2hrs of slp now, due to having bad nightmares about Form B1s and do I need to batch them out..
4) Mum is sick :(
5) Had a gd time chilling at Starbucks after maghrib on Wed with Azhari talking abt how good men like us losing out to bad rugged boiz who have the upper edge of wooing nice girls..
6) Pay day dah smpi, but how small it may be like, im still gonna say, alhamdulillah..
7) Sat im gonna be 100% jabbafied after a few learning moves by Azhari's crew
8) A sudden lack of gaming habits pushed me to greater stress
9) Royal plaza's double chocs chip brownie makes me drool for more
10) Went out with Imran and geng, the IRAS boys to go for a lil 'gentlemen' shopping at city hall
11) Wanna buy that swatch watch that has a cool design on it, and that white leather slipon shoe at peradas.. (is that how u spell it)
12) Had a fiery debate with Hasanul yesterday night about PAS and politics
13) Realised that im more a 'result-oriented' person
14) Realised that im never a fighter but would love to do ground charity work
15) Sudden dream to go to Palestine and Africa and join Mercy Relief to help the poor and weak who are suffering from war and political nonsense
16) Sudden desire to go ice skating with a friend who wants me to bring her out and try something diff since SP is getting more boring everyday
17) Sudden desire to go to that place opp Clifford Pier, to that one secret place where u can see the city lights from afar, and yet see the stars, but mosquito repellent is a necessity
18) Getting sick and tired from doing the same shit everyday like a robot
19) Want that Dell Laptop, but it costs 1500 bux!
20) Maybe photography could come into my pic later after hearing the amt of capital needed to invest on lenses etc
Thats it. Hmm, what song to put uh?
Ah, lagu nie best.
My chemical romance- SLEEP
So shut your eyes,
Kiss me goodbye,
And sleep......
Just sleep..........
ZzZzZzZzZz..
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Work was hell. I am so shagged. Late night escapades coupled by alot of forms and numbers and protocols to remember is making my head go berserk. Yesterday i tripled my output, but today, with the weather so gloomy, things were starting to get freaky. Luckily i met sumone dat brightened up my day instantaneously.
Nurulain.
My beloved godsister. It has been like freak light years since I saw u, and look! Ur no more chubby haha! And the reason y I love this lil creature to bits, is that no matter wad, she or they would really understand and appreciate and backed me up and give me loads of motivation. Thanks!
It was sweet to know that you ppl have never forgotten me. Haha. And yeah, it was sweet ain, to compliment me in front of ur frenz who are my colleagues now, and made me blush haha! Do u actually noe that it has been like a century since I blushed? Hahaha.. Malu seh!
And yea, aku masih giler macam dulu, tapi dalam2 aku baik kan kan? Hahaha..
And yea,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO IZHAR AND TAUFIQ FOR MAKING THE 23rd and 22nd mark RESPECTIVELY!! HAHA!!
On wednesday, we boyz went to make izhar run like mad around town juz to get his cake that has no knife to cut and in the end we used an ARMY JACK KNIFE (courtesy by yours truly) to cut the cake!
On top of that, it was so unplanned that we decided to eat and talk crap in between taka and wisma haha! God i didn't know there's a garden in btwn it haha!
So we talked crap and stuff, and hell it was fun haha! The look on Izhar's face when he scolded me for making him run here and there haha! And when he saw the cake, i cud even hear his voice kinda trembled abit, perhaps touched? haha, so much for the high ego!
Anyways, after that we went home and I prayed and bathed and was abt to close my eyes to slp when Azhari called me at 1145pm. Dude, I was like going to die but you just called me when I was abt to have my solemn resting haven haha! So we talked, and goodness me, look at the time! It was my first ever guy to guy talk on the phone that reached close to an hour n half! Haha.. No we are not gay, just very good friends that have so much things in common..
Like how i like to travel and be rebellious, be who I want to be, know what I want to do, have fun doing things that are out of the box, wanting to be free and away from societal norms and live in a corrected just life that holds the epitome of being yours truly.
And yes, arsenal draw with liverpool at home. Next match they must win. If not, I would shred my bro's jersey to bits haha!
Oh ya, the guy still havent emailed me yet. Guess he is a chicken after all. Guess he is a liar after all. And you'll pay for being that way. God has his Masterplan for those who lie upon others and gave ppl false hope that make a person wait for 1 yr for nothing.
Speaking of which, i did talked to her, but i still dunt know her name. Haha. Hmm.. But yeah, i enjoy the flying pies she gave me, kinda spur me on to clear more forms haha! And still the team is pondering who am I receiving or making flypies at. Hahaha. Flypies. What nonsense.
Oh well, I guess sumtimes u have to be get the average ones instead. But still, it is always cool if a woman WATCH SOCCER!!!
:D hope my flypie never see this post haha!
btw, enjoy the song by oasis, the Masterplan. Listen to the lyrics carefully, and be thrilled by the world you'd see from it. :)
Take the time to make some sense
Of what you want to say
And cast your words away upon the waves
Bring them back with acquiesce
On a ship of hope today
And as they land upon the shore
Tell them not to fear no more
Say it loud and sing it proud
And they...
Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know --
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand wont let you understand
Why were all part of the masterplan..
Im not saying right is wrong
Its up to us to make
The best of all things that come our way
And all the things that came have past
The answers in the looking glass
There's four and twenty million doors
On life's endless corridor
Say it loud and sing it proud
And they...
Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know theyre gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we dont know --
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand wont let you understand
Why were all part of the masterplan..
Nurulain.
My beloved godsister. It has been like freak light years since I saw u, and look! Ur no more chubby haha! And the reason y I love this lil creature to bits, is that no matter wad, she or they would really understand and appreciate and backed me up and give me loads of motivation. Thanks!
It was sweet to know that you ppl have never forgotten me. Haha. And yeah, it was sweet ain, to compliment me in front of ur frenz who are my colleagues now, and made me blush haha! Do u actually noe that it has been like a century since I blushed? Hahaha.. Malu seh!
And yea, aku masih giler macam dulu, tapi dalam2 aku baik kan kan? Hahaha..
And yea,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO IZHAR AND TAUFIQ FOR MAKING THE 23rd and 22nd mark RESPECTIVELY!! HAHA!!
On wednesday, we boyz went to make izhar run like mad around town juz to get his cake that has no knife to cut and in the end we used an ARMY JACK KNIFE (courtesy by yours truly) to cut the cake!
On top of that, it was so unplanned that we decided to eat and talk crap in between taka and wisma haha! God i didn't know there's a garden in btwn it haha!
So we talked crap and stuff, and hell it was fun haha! The look on Izhar's face when he scolded me for making him run here and there haha! And when he saw the cake, i cud even hear his voice kinda trembled abit, perhaps touched? haha, so much for the high ego!
Anyways, after that we went home and I prayed and bathed and was abt to close my eyes to slp when Azhari called me at 1145pm. Dude, I was like going to die but you just called me when I was abt to have my solemn resting haven haha! So we talked, and goodness me, look at the time! It was my first ever guy to guy talk on the phone that reached close to an hour n half! Haha.. No we are not gay, just very good friends that have so much things in common..
Like how i like to travel and be rebellious, be who I want to be, know what I want to do, have fun doing things that are out of the box, wanting to be free and away from societal norms and live in a corrected just life that holds the epitome of being yours truly.
And yes, arsenal draw with liverpool at home. Next match they must win. If not, I would shred my bro's jersey to bits haha!
Oh ya, the guy still havent emailed me yet. Guess he is a chicken after all. Guess he is a liar after all. And you'll pay for being that way. God has his Masterplan for those who lie upon others and gave ppl false hope that make a person wait for 1 yr for nothing.
Speaking of which, i did talked to her, but i still dunt know her name. Haha. Hmm.. But yeah, i enjoy the flying pies she gave me, kinda spur me on to clear more forms haha! And still the team is pondering who am I receiving or making flypies at. Hahaha. Flypies. What nonsense.
Oh well, I guess sumtimes u have to be get the average ones instead. But still, it is always cool if a woman WATCH SOCCER!!!
:D hope my flypie never see this post haha!
btw, enjoy the song by oasis, the Masterplan. Listen to the lyrics carefully, and be thrilled by the world you'd see from it. :)
Take the time to make some sense
Of what you want to say
And cast your words away upon the waves
Bring them back with acquiesce
On a ship of hope today
And as they land upon the shore
Tell them not to fear no more
Say it loud and sing it proud
And they...
Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know --
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand wont let you understand
Why were all part of the masterplan..
Im not saying right is wrong
Its up to us to make
The best of all things that come our way
And all the things that came have past
The answers in the looking glass
There's four and twenty million doors
On life's endless corridor
Say it loud and sing it proud
And they...
Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know theyre gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we dont know --
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand wont let you understand
Why were all part of the masterplan..
Sunday, March 30, 2008
"Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision." (An-Nur: 26)
Got this from sumwhere. Maybe that is the reason why I keep breaking up. And stupid things happen during the relationships. And the reason y sum women i try going after never end up together, or the other way round.
Alhamdulilah. God knows im a good person at heart. And all I need is a woman who would inspire me to all that is beautiful. Amin.
Dat wud say its cool to solat rather than say its cool to be hiphoppy.
Say that its cool to be nice and be what you are and not follow others, and wear what you want to wear as long as it is pleasant, rather than say its kental to wear that, its not fashionable, or gurls wun like it. How do you know girls wun like it? So your saying that you wear stuff to attract attention? Then it concludes one thing. Impressing others for work is ok. But attracting attention proves a point- that wud be an attention-seeker. And attention seekers usually wear masks- in front of others happy, so hip and stuff, but behind at home selekeh tk solat tk tau masak kuaja dgn ibu bapa, and then go n sleep feeling sad and lonely. And actually, dis people are emo themselves. Haha.
Im cool. Cz its cool to be me. Im hazlami. I love what im doing. I have my strengths and weaknesses. But ultimately, it is wiser to follow your heart then follow others. Cz being sumbody else is not cool.
But being a jabbawockie isnt. They are cool. Haha. :D
Got this from sumwhere. Maybe that is the reason why I keep breaking up. And stupid things happen during the relationships. And the reason y sum women i try going after never end up together, or the other way round.
Alhamdulilah. God knows im a good person at heart. And all I need is a woman who would inspire me to all that is beautiful. Amin.
Dat wud say its cool to solat rather than say its cool to be hiphoppy.
Say that its cool to be nice and be what you are and not follow others, and wear what you want to wear as long as it is pleasant, rather than say its kental to wear that, its not fashionable, or gurls wun like it. How do you know girls wun like it? So your saying that you wear stuff to attract attention? Then it concludes one thing. Impressing others for work is ok. But attracting attention proves a point- that wud be an attention-seeker. And attention seekers usually wear masks- in front of others happy, so hip and stuff, but behind at home selekeh tk solat tk tau masak kuaja dgn ibu bapa, and then go n sleep feeling sad and lonely. And actually, dis people are emo themselves. Haha.
Im cool. Cz its cool to be me. Im hazlami. I love what im doing. I have my strengths and weaknesses. But ultimately, it is wiser to follow your heart then follow others. Cz being sumbody else is not cool.
But being a jabbawockie isnt. They are cool. Haha. :D
The first thing that I did when I woke up today was switching my mp3 on n plucking it in my amps, only to find out that this song is playing on 98.7 FM. Its called, 'Here comes the sun' and is also the OST for Bee movie. Damn nice song, makes me twirl and sway on a late sunday morning.. :)
Do click on it aite to enjoy the music while reading the post
Recap on the things dat happened for the past 2 days.
On fri night after working tirelessly at IRAS, i met up with Izhar with Din and we had our dinner at Cahaya restaurant on the upper floors of Far East. It was not what I call a stupendous meal. My hotplate rice look like glue. Really, not mucus, but a higher level of mucus called glue. Haha. And it taste horrible. I was supposed to order the claypot rice, but it was a wrong decision now. Dah jadi bubor seh tkkan nk suroh makcik tu pi rewind the cooking and ask her not to put too much starch duh!
After which we didnt noe wad to do. So we walked all the way to Cathay only to find out that there is an exhibition about AIDS outside the mall and a few activities was carried out there. Cudnt do much, instead of pouring our ears to the flawed singer-to-be-rocker-but-having-probs-with -his pitching on stage, we poured our beady eyes on the art photography relics hung alongside the huge tent. Damn nice, it actually captures the notion. Goodness i really need the bux now to buy my own cool digi cam thats worth 900 bux!! In the end we got called to take part with sum quiz and surveys but we ended up taking pics with an ang moh hahaha!
merepek seh, aku tk tau seh pakcik montel putih ni tetiba pat situ. But i give them all the credits for being very friendly and supporting. Dats the reason why I wanna go overseas, i wanna make supporting frens yg bleh bawak aku menjelajah satu dunia and try amazing stuff!
Den we walked all the way to Fort Canning park. I do not know why, but we ended up laughing and giggling like a bunch of girls haha! We spotted cool dudes grabbing titties of young womens without noticing haha! Tempat tu memang tempat mengotek and skodeng.
Took sum more pics.. Aku cam malas nk upload ah, so i just take random ones..
Hantu pisangs tecegat di luar prison gate sambil menunggu masa untuk dilepaskan kembali....
Aku dan Izhar jadi NightCrawler seketika saja. Dalam gambar ni bleh nmpk aku diri tangan terbuka, izhar tunduk ke arah 'groin' aku entah nk buat aper haha.. tak senonoh bukan begitu?
3 monyet cuba memanjat tiang yg mereka ingatkan pokok pisang
Eh budak ni bleh tido plak.
Dengan ajaibnyer din telah mengeluarkan kami berdua dari celahan jejari beliau yg masih segar dengan bauan mee sup fishball yg tk menjadi..
Aku mengtrenspot diriku keluar dari tempat tu ke tandas berdekatan untuk berkumbah najis.
Kami berdua cuba menjadi ahli gusti mengangkat izhar yg terpaut kepada tiang yg kami ingatkan pokok pisang...
Aku dalam proses mengtrenspot diri aku..
Dan terus keluar di tengah-tengah entah sambil berdansa.. Lihat muka aku yg cramp setelah menggunakan fokus tenaga hahaha!
Da tengok? Puas? Bleh?
Bleh blah!
PS: I didnt know you wanted that LOTR fairy thingy, I was about to buy it for myself cz i dun think ppl wud buy such things, haha.. :)
And i dun mind being bullied, cz actually i dun care haha! as long as u dun cross the boundaries, which din have tasted alot of times before hahaha, i am very very nice and kind and caring, but step me too much, i'll turn so sour u never wish u'd sucked me.. :D
here comes the sun, do do do do..
here comes the sun, do do do do..
Oh one more thing..
Im officially jabbafied.
Join me.
Jabbawockeez
The Ultimate Revolution
that'll rawk the nation
clean.
Do click on it aite to enjoy the music while reading the post
Recap on the things dat happened for the past 2 days.
On fri night after working tirelessly at IRAS, i met up with Izhar with Din and we had our dinner at Cahaya restaurant on the upper floors of Far East. It was not what I call a stupendous meal. My hotplate rice look like glue. Really, not mucus, but a higher level of mucus called glue. Haha. And it taste horrible. I was supposed to order the claypot rice, but it was a wrong decision now. Dah jadi bubor seh tkkan nk suroh makcik tu pi rewind the cooking and ask her not to put too much starch duh!
After which we didnt noe wad to do. So we walked all the way to Cathay only to find out that there is an exhibition about AIDS outside the mall and a few activities was carried out there. Cudnt do much, instead of pouring our ears to the flawed singer-to-be-rocker-but-having-probs-with -his pitching on stage, we poured our beady eyes on the art photography relics hung alongside the huge tent. Damn nice, it actually captures the notion. Goodness i really need the bux now to buy my own cool digi cam thats worth 900 bux!! In the end we got called to take part with sum quiz and surveys but we ended up taking pics with an ang moh hahaha!
merepek seh, aku tk tau seh pakcik montel putih ni tetiba pat situ. But i give them all the credits for being very friendly and supporting. Dats the reason why I wanna go overseas, i wanna make supporting frens yg bleh bawak aku menjelajah satu dunia and try amazing stuff!Den we walked all the way to Fort Canning park. I do not know why, but we ended up laughing and giggling like a bunch of girls haha! We spotted cool dudes grabbing titties of young womens without noticing haha! Tempat tu memang tempat mengotek and skodeng.
Took sum more pics.. Aku cam malas nk upload ah, so i just take random ones..
Hantu pisangs tecegat di luar prison gate sambil menunggu masa untuk dilepaskan kembali....
Aku dan Izhar jadi NightCrawler seketika saja. Dalam gambar ni bleh nmpk aku diri tangan terbuka, izhar tunduk ke arah 'groin' aku entah nk buat aper haha.. tak senonoh bukan begitu?
3 monyet cuba memanjat tiang yg mereka ingatkan pokok pisang
Eh budak ni bleh tido plak.
Dengan ajaibnyer din telah mengeluarkan kami berdua dari celahan jejari beliau yg masih segar dengan bauan mee sup fishball yg tk menjadi..
Aku mengtrenspot diriku keluar dari tempat tu ke tandas berdekatan untuk berkumbah najis.
Kami berdua cuba menjadi ahli gusti mengangkat izhar yg terpaut kepada tiang yg kami ingatkan pokok pisang...
Aku dalam proses mengtrenspot diri aku..
Dan terus keluar di tengah-tengah entah sambil berdansa.. Lihat muka aku yg cramp setelah menggunakan fokus tenaga hahaha!Da tengok? Puas? Bleh?
Bleh blah!
PS: I didnt know you wanted that LOTR fairy thingy, I was about to buy it for myself cz i dun think ppl wud buy such things, haha.. :)
And i dun mind being bullied, cz actually i dun care haha! as long as u dun cross the boundaries, which din have tasted alot of times before hahaha, i am very very nice and kind and caring, but step me too much, i'll turn so sour u never wish u'd sucked me.. :D
here comes the sun, do do do do..
here comes the sun, do do do do..
Oh one more thing..
Im officially jabbafied.
Join me.Jabbawockeez
The Ultimate Revolution
that'll rawk the nation
clean.
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